absolute conviction

“by grace of your training, I will not be seduced.” 

can we talk about what a weird line this is? ‘seduced’ does not at all collocate with associations of goodness, virtue, light – this is normally used in the context of darkness, sin etc; of going from virtue to sin, not the other way around (which could also point towards kylo’s absolute conviction of his own rectitude: the light, for him, is the dark side)  

also interesting to think about it from the perspective of a temptation trope – when tempted, characters almost always give in – or at least flirt to some degree with the opposing ideology. you don’t test a character’s faith only to have them demonstrate that there are in fact no cracks in their belief at all. which brings me back to, of course, the connotations of ‘seduce’; why use that word as opposed to ‘tempt’ – the latter is far more general, far more high-frequency, used far more in the context of morality. whereas ‘seduce’ ofc has a highly specific, highly sexualised, connotation. 

it’s a lot to infer from a single word, i know, but, subliminally, i think that word v interestingly touches on the two main points of kylo’s arc going forward i.e  redemption and romance 

Send ‘Look into my eyes’ and my muse will bold what they see

| Hope | Love | Passion | Hate | Resentment | Envy | Indifference | Confidence | Insecurity | Greed | Desire | Optimism | Spite | Hostility | Kindness | Warmth | Intelligence | Experience | Trauma | Aggression | Gentleness |  Arrogance | Pride | Lust | Cruelty | You’re soft | You’re trusting | You seem honest | You’re humble | You’re cold | You’re closed off | You’re reserved and guarded | You’re unfeeling | You’re remorseless | You’re heartless | You’re inhuman | You’re frightening | You’re frightened | You’re devious | You’re unpredictable | You’re struggling | You’re lost | You’re broken | You’re disheartened | You seem headstrong | You seem difficult | You’re stubborn | I see hope | I see purpose | I see absolute conviction | I see compassion | I see a shining light | I see shattered remains | I see something familiar | I see a friend | I see an enemy | I see a lover | I see thirst for blood | I see malicious intent | I see pity | You’re pitiful | I see darkness | You’re unwavering | You’re pure | You’re noble |

Pat’s Crazy Talk

So in the ‘canon’ of the Best Friends Zaibatsu, Pat has an ability called 'Crazy Talk’, because almost every single time he mentions a fact he ends up being proven wrong.

Crazy Talk: When the user (victim?) says something with absolute conviction that it is true, the entire universe will alter itself to render that statement false, and everyone else will remember as if that had been the case all along. This might explain why Pat believes the world is making him miserable despite all the good things that happened to him, because as soon as he believes the world is all right, the universe resets.

This kind of universe-altering power would have been way more dangerous were it not for the fact that Pat has no idea how to trick himself to make use of Crazy Talk, and also he has no desire to cause any trouble. Current concern is that Pat believes that he is mortal, which therefore means he cannot be killed.

Crazy Talk is extremely useful against opponents that seem unbeatable. If Pat believes he has no chance, he can win.

Notably, Crazy Talk is immune to its own effects, otherwise it would have been erased the moment Pat became aware of its existence.

Pat is ALWAYS wrong. He doesn’t lie, he’s just always wrong.

This proposed budget isn’t extreme. Reagan’s proposed budget in 1981 was extreme. This budget is short-sighted, cruel to the point of being sadistic, stupid to the point of pure philistinism, and shot through with the absolute and fundamentalist religious conviction that the only true functions of government are the ones that involve guns, and that the only true purpose of government is to serve the rich.

anonymous asked:

Their reaction to a single parent Inquisitor asking tentatively if that advisor/companion can personally take their child in if they fall in battle, because there's no one they trust more.

Cassandra: She is speechless. Never in her life, not even at the culmination of her vigil when she was named to the ranks of the Seeker’s of Truth, has she been so honored, so humbled. To be trusted with the life of the Inquisitor’s child, with their future and care and ultimate upbringing is beyond any task she has ever been given, and yet one she will accept with absolute honor. She says yes with absolute conviction, but also promises herself that she will not allow the Inquisitor to fall.

Solas: It breaks his heart, that the person he has deceived and ultimately will betray, trusts him to such extremes as to put their child’s future in his hands. He has no da’len of his own, never intended to be a father, and yet there is a part of him that is tempted beyond words to accept. He will ultimately refuse, though doing so with gratitude and humbled awe that the would ask, and citing his solitary lifestyle as not being on that a child would thrive in.

Varric: First off, he knows he keeps saying that this story is lously on heroes but a little optimism wouldn’t go astray. Secondly…shit, him? He’s not a father figure! Hell he can barely keep his adult friends alive and sober and in relative states of nutrition. That all being said he would step u because Maker knows he would have killed for a parent like the Inquisitor when he was young. And if they think he could do it than damn it he won’t let them down. He’ll just have to kid proof the Hanged Man.

Sera: She refuses to hear the shite about the Inquisitor dying, refuses to listen….but they all know it’s a possibility. But the fact that they want her to watch their kid? Raise their kid? For once she doesn’t have words. She doesn’t remember her own family, hates Lady Emmald, and has very little to no domestic skills of her own. But if they trust her with the life of their child, the heath and happiness of her child then she will bring down mountains to make sure that kid grows up right.

Just…don’t die and make her do it, yeah?

Vivienne: There is no question, no hesitation. Madame de Fer says yes with neither resevation or pause. This is the Inquisitor asking her to raise their child. Put aside all the politics, the machinations and the intrigue, this is a parent entrusting her with  their most precious duty. And should the need arise, she would raise them to the best of her ability, see them educated and trained, and protect them with her life.

Blackwall: His first instinct, especially before Revelations, is to refuse. Who is he to raise a child, to try to mold a young life onto the right path? Maker’s balls the last time the lives of children were in his hands he killed them, and that thought has haunted him ever since. And yet the request is like absolution, like forgiveness and the cool rain after the summer’s heat– healing. He finally agrees, and swears to himself that if such a thing falls to him that he would give the child the best life he could, and defend them to his last breathe.

Dorian: He is not a father. The words bubble up fast in his throat thick with panic. He has never intended to be a father, to father a child, that path is closed off to him and he likes it that way! But in the end the words don’t come. Because he looks at them- at the way they love their child without reservation, without excuse of caveat- and he suddenly wishes that his own parents had been so loving. And he also knows without question that he could overcome that pain and that disapointment and give a child his best. He could love a child, care for a child, support a child the way his father did not because he is more than that. No oath means more in his life than the one he gives to the Inquisitor, and he means it with every fiber of his being.

Iron Bull: Absolutely. It’s the worst kept secret in the Ben Hassrath that the Iron Bull really should have been a Tamassran. He has the attitude, the way with kids, the heart and the intelligence and just the need to comfort that makes him the perfect candidate. And so he says yes in a heart beat, knowing the Chargers would understand, and though he hopes it doesn’t come to pass he also starts laying out contigency plan in case it does.

Cole: “Small hands reaching, grew in my heart, all that I am. Want them to be safe and happy, want them to grow up strong and brave. I don’t know if I can do it, but I will always make sure they are safe.”

Leliana: It’s…Maker, it’s so much. She keeps it together when they ask, tells them that of course she would aid them in this. But once they are gone she breaks down. For years she has been the left hand of the Divine, taking on the guilt and the burden of working in the shadows and all that it entails. And yet this person, chosen by Andraste herself to save th world, trusts her enough to care for their child. Like Blackwall she sees it as a sort of absolution, and resovles then and there that if it happens she will be their rock.

Josephine: It’ a startling offer, to be sure, but not one she finds displeasing. Indeed she is honored to be thought of in that manner, and while she hopes very much that it never comes to that she also is determined that if she does take the child they will be well cared for.

Cullen: It’s like a weight is lifted off of him. For so many, many years he has strained under the weight the all he has done. Of the mistakes in Ferelden’s Circle, of the years of forced ignorance in Kirkwall. So many people hurt, especially when it was his duty to protect them and he failed. But the fact that Inquisitor asks this of them, the fact that they trust him with their child, their flesh and blood….It’s like a rebirth. He has a second chance- if Maker forbid something happens- and even if it doesn’t he has proven in their eyes that he is trustworthy enough for such a task. It is an honor he will never forget.


–Mod Fereldone

anonymous asked:

Imagine if Logan was an andoird made by Doctor Joan and Patton was an android made by Doctor Thomas and then they put them in a room alone together as an experiment

I got this forever ago. I finally got inspiration for it. I apologize to whoever this anon was for how long it took me to get to this and the fickleness of my artistic mind.

No warnings I can think of. As usual, let me know if I should add some.

Keep reading

aizawa, crossing his arms and saying with absolute conviction to all might: i hate you. i hate you so much. ugly smily face bastard. blond fuck little man. 

all might, thumbs up, at the camera: I think he’s warming up to me!

Aspects
  • Life: The rule-breakers and game-changers, well-equipped to breathe Life into the world--or snuff it out, as they see fit. Try to maintain "order" and they'll work even harder to rebel. Death never quite sticks to them--they just keep coming back like a weed. Got a healthy Life player on your team? Enjoy staying alive? Keep them around, you'll need it.
  • Doom: They could be a nice, stable explosive, or they could be a box of gunpowder, ready to wreck shit at the slightest spark. One thing's for sure: they've got power, not just in their sheer destructive force, but also in their innate connection to the limits and rules of the world itself. They also tend to go out with a bang--be wary.
  • Breath: These slippery folks quite literally cannot be tied down. Seriously, don't even try. They shake off trauma like dandruff, dodging the kind of intense, sanity-breaking bullshit that would leave anyone else in tatters. A bit flighty, but can also be a huge asset to any team.
  • Blood: Need someone to mediate between a bunch of stubborn assholes on your team? Call your resident Blood player. They practically ooze loyalty from their pores, and they don't break promises. "The power of friendship" sounds hilarious until you're on the receiving end of a Blood player's wrath.
  • Mind: Don't even try to pull a fast one on a Mind player. They've got you figured out from every angle, and they can psychoanalyze you until it becomes clear that they understand you far more than you will ever understand yourself. Their brains are like quantum computers, processing every possible action at once. Stay on their good side, and they'll be absolutely invaluable.
  • Heart: While Mind players know you by your thoughts and actions, Heart players can see even deeper. They see your soul laid bare, your identity in a vacuum, the innate parts of yourself that remain the same in every iteration. You seriously don't want to mess with someone who can literally read you like a book. Messing with someone's mind is one thing, but souls can't always be repaired so easily.
  • Hope: Absolute conviction and boundless determination can be a terrifying thing. Don't let the yellow custard pajamas fool you--Hope players can be scary as fuck. When your powers basically consist of "if I believe in something enough, I can change the fabric of reality itself to bring my belief to fruition," you've been set up to receive some seriously incredible potential. Use it wisely.
  • Rage: No doubt, Rage players are almost as terrifying as Hope players. Almost, because with Hope players, there's this air of optimism that undercuts how dangerous they are. Rage players, however, spell it out right on the tin. They're unpredictable, emotionally volatile, and very, very powerful. This power can be used for good, if channeled properly, of course. If your Rage player goes rogue, though...good luck.
  • Space: With something as vast and complex as Space, anyone who has any sort of power over its qualities is, by definition, incredibly valuable to your team. Breeding the Genesis Frog is their main job, after all, and if being responsible for CREATING AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE isn't impressive enough for you, they'll be sure to dazzle you while you're flailing around uselessly in a pocket dimension of their own design.
  • Time: Equally important to the fabric of the universe is Time itself, and those who heed its call and take responsibility for maintaining the timelines is going to be a must-have for any session that isn't doomed to fail. They've got the rhythm of Time itself in their heads, and they've got a damn good idea of how things are going to play out. Fate, destiny--it's child's play to them. If you ever get on the wrong side of a Time player, chances are good that they've already taken action in your future. Start planning your funeral, pal.
  • Light: When it comes to dealing with pure information, your Light player will no doubt be an ~illuminating~ source. They may very well end up knowing All The Things--or, at least all of what the Light can effectively reveal. Relevance and luck is well within their territory, and they're going to make themselves known for it, whether anyone else likes it or not. Stick close to them, but don't expect to stay hidden while under the spotlight.
  • Void: You know you've made it in life when even an omniscient being like Doc Scratch can't see through the Void. It's the kind of thick, miasmic darkness that swallows up everything that comes near--including its Heroes. When you come face to face with a successful Void player, you'd be right to be impressed. These badass motherfuckers have stared into the Void itself, and they've somehow managed to avoid the event horizon of the most omnipresent black hole in all of existence--or nonexistence, for that matter. They are deserving of fear and respect.

Remember how Skulduggery remodelled his whole house for Valkyrie? Now imagine the first time Skulduggery came home, after losing Valkyrie to Darquesse, and seeing Valkyrie’s clothes lying around the place, a few dishes in the sink, some leftover pizza on the countertops. Imagine him refusing to pick up her clothes or wash the dishes because that’s all he has left to remember his partner for. Imagine him spending his first Christmas without Valkyrie, with his present that he’s had wrapped up for her for ages, but will now never be able to give to her. Imagine Skulduggery coming home everyday, after desperately trying to ignore the anger of hearing the things people were saying about his partner, and realizing that he was all on his own on getting her back. Just imagine the pain he was in constantly over the loss of the one person who understood him and accepted him for what he was, the one person he truly cared for, the one person who he could say with absolute conviction that he’d lay down his life for.

anonymous asked:

What are you fav love declaration speeches

Fun!

1. Stefan and Elena, “I know what I want” + “You are the woman that I love” 

I like these love declarations for a few reasons. Firstly, I’m not a fan of verbose, overblown, over-the-top love declarations, I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule of mine, but 99.9% of the time, I like things that are heartfelt and simple, which are both of these scenes. 

What I like about the 1x10 scene is that in 1x02 it’s Elena who’s scared to put herself out there, who says that she’s scared to be happy for just a minute and Stefan who encourages her to feel, “But this is reality. Right here.” And yet, it’s Elena who says she loves Stefan first. Also they’re both just so expressive in that scene, the way Stefan closes his eyes is basically like “Well, fuck” how can he possibly walk away now? It’s a very emotionally honest scene, super vulnerable. 

What I like about the 1x11 scene is the conviction in Stefan’s face when he says it. With Elena, she called it out to him while his back was turned to her as an effort to get him to turn back around to her, with Stefan, he’s sitting right next to her and staring her directly in the eye and being like, it’s you, it’s just you.

2. Mickey and Ian, When Mickey Comes Out 

Although Mickey didn’t explicitly say “I love you” to Ian in this scene, this definitely counts as a love declaration. Mickey had already lost Ian once after refusing to acknowledge that he loved him and he was about to lose Ian again because he was tired of their relationship being closeted so Mickey announces to the entire bar that he’s gay, which is a HUGE step for Mickey. I literally squealed when this happened.

3. Brooke and Lucas, “There are 82 Letters In Here” + “I’m The Guy For You”

I think I said this in my “Favourite Brucas” post but I still know the “There are 82 letters in here” speech. I really enjoyed that one because again it was emotionally honest and yet simply written and delivered with such vulnerability by Sophia and after she spent a good season and a half building walls around herself from Lucas and fighting what she felt for Lucas, I really enjoyed that she decided to be brave and was basically like “look, I love you” which she ends up saying at the end of that entire sequence when Lucas “forgives” her — although now that I’m older the whole Kris Kellar/slut shaming aspect of this entire situation bothers me but that’s a different post, point is, it’s one of my favourite OTH moments.

The “I’m The Guy For You” speech … I realize I may have a thing for one person in a ship being emotionally vulnerable and the other person having absolute confidence and conviction that the two of them belong together because that was Lucas’ speech, being collected and cool but also having the vulnerability to be like yeah, we’re ending up together because I’m the guy for you (as opposed to you’re the girl for me). 

Scott and Kira, “God, I love you” + “I remember and I meant it” + “I love you so much” 

What I like about these three scenes is that they’re all connected. First, I love the “flippant” I love you because Scott does that with Kira a lot, he takes a huge step (like when he kisses her at the lockers) and doesn’t think about the implications until after because it was just a natural thing for him to be, like a habit, so when he says “God, I love you” it’s not that he doesn’t mean it, it’s that it’s a fact to him so he just says it and Kira is like, wait what?? And I like the “I remember and I meant it” because he’s affirming that idea, like no, it wasn’t a fluke or something I just said, I meant it, I love you and then I like when Kira says it in 5x13 because it’s her being sure and stating a fact and Stiles and her mother are in the front seat and they might as well be furniture? Scott and Kira are kissing and declaring their love for each other and it’s like no one else is in the car with them.

Noah and Rosalee, I’ll Follow You Anywhere

Again, Noah doesn’t explicitly say “I love you, Rose” but he puts a wedding ring he made in captivity on her finger (when the audience actually thinks he’s making a weapon to try and escape) as he tells her that he will follow her back to the plantation they ran away from to help rescue her mother and brother, which is the most profound love declaration ever imo. 

Eun Tak and Shin, “Your boyfriend is right here!”

So Eun Tak and Shin are super angsty a lot of the time and there are a lot of beautiful, heart-wrenching, tear-inducing love declarations that they have and I love them all but I chose this one because it’s hilarious and I CACKLED because the other side of Eun Tak and Shin being super angsty is that they also act like squabbling teens and you watch them like, Are you guys 12?? And I love that they were arguing here and Shin is like OMG YOU IDIOT I LOVE YOU without saying the words and the Reaper is just watching them like ughhhhhhhhhhh. 

Stiles and Malia, “I would never leave without you”

Y’all can fight me, I don’t really care, but I do consider this to be a love declaration without the words “I love you” actually being said. Jeff Davis et al can act like season 4 never happened but the fact of the matter is, Stiles was losing his mind when he thought that Malia had taken off and when Malia said she would never leave without him in such a matter-of-fact way, it shows that her base, animal instincts aren’t stronger than her affection/love for Stiles and I was giddy af during the scene. 

Hyde and Jackie, “It’s A Real Waste” + “Jackie, I Love You” 

I mentioned this in previous posts that I have but I really appreciate Jackie’s love declaration because it was honest and it was fair. Hyde breaks up with her because she yells “Get off my boyfriend” when Annette is kissing Kelso, which is understandable but Jackie’s explanation is understandable too because it isn’t love that she feels for Kelso at this point, it’s possessiveness which makes sense considering that he was her only boyfriend before Hyde and she has some things she needs to work out and it’s also a sign of maturity (which she reaches because of her relationship with Hyde) that she doesn’t make excuses for what she said but instead explains where that outburst comes from. 

The “Jackie, I love you” scene, I mean, it’s obvious why I love it. Hyde isn’t supposed to do anything to show his vulnerability or to show how much he wants something/someone, he has his pride, he has his walls and when Jackie won’t listen to his apology, he’s almost about to leave it but then puts himself out there to tell her loves her. I was, like, 13 when this happened and it was fucking glorious. 

Monica and Chandler, “Because I’m In Love With Monica”

I mean it was the perfect ending to such a bizarre battle of wits.

Buffy and Angel, “I love you” + Death 

My friend and I had a debate about this, it was her first time watching BTVS because she was super upset that Angel gets his soul right before Buffy has to kill him and is all, it would’ve been so much easier if he just STAYED evil. And I mean, the point is it was supposed to be even that much harder for Buffy to do the right thing but my thing was, at least she got to see the real Angel for what she thought was the last time, she got to kiss him and hug him and tell him she loved him, she got one last goodbye, which is why I really like this declaration. 

Jane and Michael, “I Want To Grow Old With You” 

I mean, I love pretty much all of their love declarations particularly when Michael is at her door all, “Do you still love me?” and she says “Yes” but I can find gifs of that so I’m using this one just because I think Jane’s proposal to Michael is the core of what makes their relationship so great and special and heartwarming, it’s basically the essence of Villadero. 

Chuck and Blair, “It Consumes Me” 

So I don’t ship Chair, I’m a Dair shipper but there was a time I shipped Chair and there are still moments between the two of them that I still really like and one of them is when Blair doesn’t allow Chuck to run away from her words. Leighton and Ed have outstanding chemistry and that scene was so emotional and so honest and they both played their parts beautifully, Chuck doesn’t say anything but Ed’s eyes are expressive af and it really looks like Leighon feels Blair’s conviction in her bones.

Chris and Jal, “I fucking love you” 

Like I said, I don’t like verbose, over-the-top love declarations and when Chris said this to Jal I was like “awwwwww, I believe it!” and then the writers decided to destroy everything and it still pisses me off, lol. 

Cesare and Lucrezia, “You Love Another” + “Is There One You’ve Loved?”

There are quite a few love declarations between Cesare and Lucrezia that I enjoy because they are all so tortured and angsty and well, wrong, but I chose these two scenes because it’s external parties either noticing and voicing the depth of their connection or encouraging them to speak about it. 

Zuko and Mai, “I Don’t Hate You”

I know I have a lot of Zutara shippers on my blog but I actually just think everyone who ended up together should’ve ended up together although I was more a Sokka and Yue shipper despite the fact that they knew each other for, like, six minutes, lmao. Either way, the declaration I actually wanted was “I love Zuko more than I fear you” but I couldn’t find a gif so I chose this one because these two are perfect for each other.

Cristina and Owen, “I Love You” + “Take Care Now”

I actually didn’t realize how many Crowen love declarations I liked until I looked up gifs for these two. I really enjoyed Cristina’s because she’s addressing her independence and she’s addressing her fears and she’s addressing how what Owen did was harmful to her and yet she’s also addressing that she loves him more than she’s loved anyone else. I liked Owen’s because it’s angsty and tortured and that’s my jam.

I think we’ll stop for now, this can be considered a part one if people want more :)

Who Died: AUCas or Our Cas? SPN12X23

*rubs hands together manically*

I wanted to share my theories on
WHO DIED: AUCas or our Cas?

And also explain why I think we had an imposter (AUCas) for a good chunk of the episode. 

It helps to read along as you watch, especially as my technically challenged self can’t get pics/gifs on here for some odd reason. But anyway, I’m going to go through each Cas scene to discuss his behavior. And then give some ideas on how they’ve left it open for EITHER an alternate universe Cas OR our Cas to have been the one who died at the end. There’s no right or wrong answer because none of us actually knows. I’m no expert but this is fun and we have all summer to speculate.

So let’s get started!


SCENE ONE:
First, can I say how poignant to have the cottage by the water. Cas has been likened to a fish metaphorically (often a fish out of water, or a fish that wants to fly). We find Cas staring over the water in contemplation, pondering who he is and who he will be. The previous episode, titled “Who We Are,” was all about who the Winchesters are (they “kick it in the ass”) so it’s safe to assume that we will find out “Who He Is” soon enough (angel or a man).

Castiel’s behavior in the beginning of 12x23 “All Along the Watchtower” was very typical behavior for him, though I would go so far as to say he was exceptionally docile and calm. We see his paternal side. He is devoted to the unborn child. This is his “Messiah” (Misha stated that Cas has a cult-like devotion to Jack). He saw a vision of the future and has faith again.

If we take it back a little further to the last time we saw him, Cas was gentle, even after killing Dagon. His soft, “You’re hurt” and concern for Dean was a major highlight. They paused on that moment and let us get a good, long look at the fact that Castiel wasn’t on a rampage to keep Jack safe. He still cared about Dean. I believe he only put them to sleep so he could get a head start and get away to get his “baby god” and Kelly to safety. There was NO anger, NO malice. Just calm and peace. So we see that he is still in that same mind-frame at the opening of 12X23. (Also, I didn’t see any glowing yellow when he put Sam and Dean down - we only see it when he takes out Dagon and then when he heals Dean later in this episode, which I’ll mention again later.)

Cas is helping Kelly build baby furniture and buying truckloads of diapers (oops, think you may have wasted money on those, Cas), reading more pregnancy and baby books than what is normal. He wants to get something right for once and is committed to Jack.

Castiel gives two contradictory statements to Kelly in an attempt to comfort her:
“I will give my life for your son.”
“I will raise your son.”

Are there two Castiels and one will give up his life, and the other raise Jack? It was odd to have this oxymoron, back-to-back, with barely a breath between the statements. Kelly doesn’t bat an eye. She says, “I know,” as she has said before (i.e. back in 12X19 when she stole the Impala, Cas said he wish he had her faith and she said, “You will,” with absolute conviction).  We don’t know her full vision. Did she see Cas dying and coming back to raise her son?

SCENE TWO:
After the diaper run Kelly has a contraction and releases some of Jack’s power which causes a rift that leads to an alternate universe (AU). Cas practically carries her into the house and gets Kelly tucked away to bed. He’s being so tender. A note on his behavior here is that he’s communicative, he’s confident, he makes eye contact, he’s not afraid to reach out a gentle hand to help Kelly. He is not confused, not angry, not scared nor fearful.

SCENE THREE:
We get precious head-tilt, confused puppy Cas coming out of the cottage to investigate the rift. Again he exudes confidence as he strolls up to the rift. When he enters the AU he looks disturbed but not terrified. A temptor demon comes after him, complete with horns (THANK YOU DABB - finally some creepy demons - they can have so much fun with AU’s).

First, Cas doesn’t fight? The demon gets a punch in, Cas goes down and puts up his arms defensively. Is he weak again? Before the power-up from Jack in 12X19 when Cas killed Dagon, he was very human-like and didn’t use his powers. Has he already reverted back to that? Did whatever ‘grace juice’ he had get used up in 12X19 to kill Dagon? Remember, no yellow glow when he put Sam and Dean down, and I’ll mention Dean’s healing this episode in a bit.

We didn’t see who Cas saw. He said, “You?” and it cut away. We do not see what goes on with that mystery man and we do not see our Cas return to our universe. Was it AUBobby? Was it AUCas? I know we see AUBobby later but that doesn’t mean that is who Cas met. Cas is the intruder in this world. People there have a right to be suspicious, call in reinforcements and may even keep him prisoner especially when there’s a “peaches and cream” world on the other end of the rift. Desperate times, desperate measures.

SCENE FOUR:
Kelly is going into labor and calling out to Cas for help. He appears behind her and grabs her shoulder (um, hello, anyone notice it is the “wrong shoulder” as he often touches people on their left shoulder) somewhat aggressively, IMO. Was there a need to touch her? Was there a need to touch her in that manner? Probably not. A soft, “I’m right here” would have sufficed.

But here’s the thing: I think he touched her to read her mind or to connect in some way to understand what is going on with Jack. This is when things get freaky and I will refer to him as AUCas for a bit because I DO NOT THINK THAT IS OUR CAS. My husband disagrees with me and it’s been a friendly dispute between us since the finale aired, ha! But this is my post so we’re going with my opinion, not his.

Of course Cas doesn’t want to tell Kelly, “Well your unborn baby-man ripped a hole to another universe and I was hanging out with a guy who just shot a horned demon that punched my lights out.” So when she asks where he was, because he is often nearby, he says he was nowhere. His eyes are shifty and he appears to be at unrest, compared to earlier when he was at rest. We can argue that is because he just got back from an AU. Did it shake his faith? I have a hard time believing that billion-year-old Cas would be shook to such a degree by an AU. He knows there are AUs out there. 

It would make sense that any unrest is due to an imposter coming into an unknown place, with limited information, nervous to being found out.

Kelly has a contraction and Cas touches that shoulder again (wrong shoulder), lights flicker, he appears terrified. Gone is the Cas that is trying to be strong for her, the one who is confident in what will happen (because he had a vision of the future, y’all). I get the impression that this Cas doesn’t know what is going on. He allows Kelly to cling to him as he looks around, scared. I don’t know but I hardly think our Cas would act SO disturbed over flickering lights. We have to assume that our Cas knows things will get weird and Biblical when a spawn of Satan is born.

SCENE FIVE:
This is the scene that throws me for a loop with my AUCas idea. The only way it works is if AUCas can read minds.

It is now evening. AUCas had put Kelly to bed as she labors and he’s acting a little “off”. He sits down and she takes his hand. He gives her this tight, forced smile. He tries to console her and calls contractions “pressure waves” which isn’t actually a common word in Western medicine regarding childbirth. Yes, some midwives, doulas, etc. use that phrase but the more common phrase would be to call them contractions, especially in television. Why spend several precious seconds on the use of a lesser known phrasing for labor pains?

Even Kelly is asking what that means and Cas mentions taking doula classes. When did he do that? He hasn’t left Kelly’s side. He tacks on that he took them online. Again, he’s holding her hand here and perhaps reading someone’s mind is easier, quicker when he is physically in contact with a person. Could he be gleaning information from Kelly? This woman is devoted to her baby just as much as Cas. I would assume she’s read up on childbirth in preparation, even if this isn’t normal circumstances. I can just see her thinking, “When did he go to doula classes, unless he took them online?” and then he smiles and says he took them online. That’s how mind reading can work, or how I envision it.

He pulls away, dropping her hand unceremoniously, and goes to the window. His concern isn’t focused on Kelly and Jack, as it had been in the opening scenes of this episode. He peers down at the rift and glares at it in this way that appears to be hatred and we get this deep, eery music right at that exact same moment. It is very, very ominous. Where does Cas’ loyalty lie? After speaking with Kelly, he glares at he rift and we get creepy music. Yeah, totally doesn’t add to his creepy factor at the moment (#sarcasm).

SCENE SIX:
Kelly has a strong contraction and needs reassurance. Cas is sitting further down the bed, keeping his body held in tight, not touching Kelly. She has to reach out to him. What happened to those doula classes? Let me tell you a little bit about doulas. They are there to support a laboring woman by providing her with comfort measures, such as touch, massage, offering water, etc. Cas sitting there practically curled into himself isn’t comforting to her.

She’s dying in order to bring forth life. She’s terrified! She wants him to remind her of why she’s going through with all of this. She wants him to remind her of the vision.

He hesitates and seems to be trying to piece together a suffice answer, almost as though he’s trying to read her mind about what she’d like to hear, or what she remembers him telling her, so he can give her that. 

This wouldn’t be the first time he’s telling her about it. At the end of 12X19 she asks what he saw, he says, “I saw the future,” before they drive off and I’m sure he filled her in on more. While he’s stuttering and trying to tell her the vision, we get a flashback from 12X19 when Jack gave Cas power via Kelly’s touch (interesting that the same hands are joined here as he has this flashback, as though he’s pulling it from Kelly’s memories). Could that flashback have actually been from Kelly and he was watching her memory? I think it is plausible.

And the entire time he’s talking I’m thinking of AUCas wanting paradise for HIS universe, where there is no war, no hate, no want. He looks wistful. If I was from an apocalyptic world, I’d love to know there’s a savior that could fix it and make it paradise. He suddenly looks hopeful after this exchange, almost like it is the first time he’s seeing such a vision. Now he’d be getting her thoughts on the vision, not Cas’, so he still doesn’t appear to jump on the Baby Jack Cult wagon, but he likes the idea of Jack’s power to bring good.

“I saw a world that this child, your child, will create.”

When the Impala rolls up he looks around the room like, “What is that sound?” and he appears scared. This is the moment that made me sit up. Our Cas knows the sound of the Impala. He would’ve gone out to greet the brothers. He may have been resigned that they found them, but not angry (think: 12x19 when they found him with the Colt). What do we see? We see AUCas pull his angel blade and tentatively walk down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he is about to go to the wrong direction, as if he doesn’t know the layout of the house.

Here’s another moment where he trips me up because he does recognize Dean quickly. It’s like they gave us a ton of OOC stuff and then a few little bits of our Cas in there to confuse us. If he was reading Kelly’s mind, perhaps he can and does do the same with the Winchesters. He doesn’t touch them but I wonder if touch only makes it easier/quicker. 

What I believe is that he must have gathered intel from our Cas before stepping into our universe. He could have quickly read our Cas’ mind for the highlight reel and thus would recognize the Winchesters on sight, even if he didn’t know the sound of their car. This would also explain him knowing that the Winchesters saved their world from the apocalypse, but more on that in a sec.

He says “Dean?” in a very angry, offended tone. Some people think that is because he is mad they found him. Some would take the argument further and say he’s influenced by Jack. But look at the last interactions between Cas and the brothers in 12x19. It was gentle. It was soft. It was “I don’t want to hurt you; I just want to keep baby safe.” There was no animosity, there was no anger. In fact, the beginning of 12x23 our Cas was still very calm and relaxed. So why the anger now? Why the unrest? Because this is AUCas and he’s gun-shy and nervous about being found out before getting away with whatever he’s doing in our universe.

Sam, “Is this place warded?”
Cas: “Heavily.”

Being a celestial or supernatural being (still not exactly sure if AUCas is Cas from another reality or someone else who is able to take on his appearance) he would be able to know the place was warded without needing to read minds. He begins to breathe heavier, his eyes are shifty, he is fumbling for words. He is completely out-of-character for the mild-mannered Castiel from earlier in the episode and 12X19.

Dean asks, “Heavy enough to stop Lucifer?”

Cas blinks and takes a few steps forward, and in complete shock bellows, “Lucifer?” We could argue that if this was our Cas that he’d be upset to find Lucifer wasn’t locked up or dead. But our Cas is in hiding. He knows Princes of Hell and others are after them. He shouldn’t be shocked that the father of the child is trying everything to break out and get to his son. I’m sure it has crossed his mind as a possibility.

When he says it, he says it as though he cannot believe Lucifer is alive and roams the earth. The reaction isn’t in line with our Cas, who may be upset but not completely in shock. No, I see our Cas maybe squinting in frustration and then barking orders on how to keep everyone safe. Dean has been his priority for years and now he is also devoted to Jack. He still would want to keep all of the Winchesters safe and Jack safe. I’m not getting “I want to protect all of you” vibes from this Cas.

Mary mentions that Lucifer could have been following them and Cas starts to say he doesn’t understand. Then he asks why they’re even there. I’m pretty sure our Cas would KNOW why they were there - Lucifer is out and coming for his son.

Sam gives him a scolding for taking off and lets him know that they’re not okay with him running off again (so much like the leader he is now and so much like a brother). Sam moves to stand behind Cas and Cas follows his movements slightly, tilting his head, and he’s still breathing a little heavy. It’s like he’s listening and trying to piece together what everyone is saying. He doesn’t defend leaving, he doesn’t relent and say, “Okay we’ll work together”. He says nothing. He just blinks and seems to be piecing together the whole story because he’s from an alternate universe and most likely only has fragments.

Dean assures him that they’ll work through their crap (squee! He’s so in love with Cas that he’s already forgiven Cas for putting them to sleep and ready to move on to the forgetting). He asks where Kelly is at.

Cas says Kelly can’t be moved and he rolls his eyes when we hear her pain. His concern now seems to be more about one of his biggest enemies being hot on their tail and now he is annoyed that they can’t run because of Kelly’s labor. Mary says she’ll go check on Kelly and Cas also follows her movements, seeming to listen and observe her. Maybe trying to pick up some thoughts?

Our Cas normally keeps strict eye contact and communication with just Dean. Following Sam’s and Mary’s movements like that seemed very out-of-character for him. I liken it to a dog trying to pick up a scent.

Remember when Bobby and the Winchesters trapped Cas in the ring fire in The Man Who Would be King (6X20)? Cas had gone behind their back and betrayed them. But he didn’t just stand silently. He gave his defense, he maintained eye contact with Dean –almost– the entire time. He wasn’t sniffing around Bobby and Sam as they moved around the circle to figure them out.

Cas asks, “How much time do we have?” and he’s breathless again. Perhaps trying to read minds in a world that isn’t his own saps his energy a bit? He’s not breathless like he’s scared here. He’s breathless like it’s physically difficult.

Dean: “If he shows, can you flame on again?”
Cas is silent, seems to not understand. 
Dean: “Can you torch Lucifer like you torched Dagon?”
Cas: “I don’t know. That wasn’t me. That was the child. And if you hadn’t noticed, he’s a little busy.”

Back the truck up. In 12X19 when Cas was asked what happened he said, “It was me. But it was also…” and then looks to Kelly’s baby bump. Now, all of a sudden, it wasn’t him? Oh that’s right, because it’s AUCas. I also suspect he gathered a little intel before assuming our Cas’ identity. That intel would include the Winchesters and information surrounding Jack because those would most likely be top priority in our Cas’ mind (re: 7X17 Born Again Identity; his first memories that return are of Dean). He was silent after Dean asked him if he could “flame on again” but when he mentioned Dagon, Cas most likely recalled Kelly’s memory of Cas killing Dagon.

Of course AUCas doesn’t have ALL the details because otherwise AUCas wouldn’t have given Jack all the credit. It isn’t about getting credit. No, this was the writers putting a little hint in there that things aren’t adding up. They can word things so many ways and they want you to hear this Cas say it wasn’t him, when we know canonically by our Cas that it WAS a joint effort. This isn’t a continuity error. It’s a clue.

Dean groans in pain. Cas sighs deeply and ROLLS HIS EYES. He says, “Here, Dean.” He proceeds to, at arm’s length, boop Dean on the forehead. Contrast this with 12X19 again, where Cas notices Dean is injured on his own and then softly said, “You’re hurt.” He stepped in close and proceeded to softly, slowly, gently lay an entire hand against Dean’s arm, fingers touching and forming a circle (I won’t get into circle symbolism here but it’s worth mentioning because it’s beautiful).

I get the impression that AUCas isn’t a Dean-fan. He must sense the longing and feelings coming off of Dean and is confused, maybe disturbed by them, if not our Cas. If he did gather intel from Cas’ memories he may not understand why Cas would be devoted to Dean after all they have been through, even though they’ve both been in positions that betrayed the other. But he knows Lucifer is coming and he’ll take help if help is there therefore he heals Dean so he’s in better fighting shape. This AUCas listens a lot because he is unfamiliar with our world, so he’s going to put up with the Winchesters to meet his end goal. 

We see Dean’s injuries glow a little here when he is healed. AUCas could have yellow grace/power (like an archangel; archangels can also change their appearance) or he could have absorbed power from Jack as Kelly labored because we’ve seen her giving off the power during contractions. Even if we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen (I believe Dean said as much to his brother once-upon-a-time when Gadreel possessed Sam - that just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen). Again, we’re not given full details or full scenes. A lot is happening that we don’t see. For now, all we know is that Dean’s injuries glowed as they were healed. Again, another hint that something isn’t right and I think they want us to believe it was Jack’s power, when in actuality it may just be AUCas on his own.

Sam “Logic” Winchester wants to check warding and this strikes a chord of fear in AUCas. He sounds a little desperate when he tells him to not go out back because he doesn’t want them to find the rift. We may assume that that is just our Cas wanting to protect the Winchesters from the rift but he seems anything but protective. I think it was more, “I don’t want to get caught. They may figure out I’m an impostor.”

He hesitates to tell them what it is and resigns himself to explaining that it is a “tear in space and time”. He doesn’t catch on to Dean’s Narnia crack.

“Wait, like Narnia?” Dean asks.
“No. No, through there it’s Earth but different. It’s an alternate reality,” Cas replies without hesitancy.

Normally our Cas would have given Dean a look, a head tilt, a squint, and/or sassed him, about the Narnia reference (Metatron gave Cas pop culture knowledge). I could see our Cas being exasperated with Dean making movie references at a serious time like this. Instead this AUCas doesn’t catch on and doesn’t hesitate to respond. He assumes Dean is talking about a specific, real world called Narnia and instead of thinking too hard on it, just says “No,” and explains it’s a different Earth. This wasn’t our Cas not getting a joke. It was AUCas not understanding our universe, where, for all he knows, has a real place called Narnia.

Even better is when Sam starts talking about “Bizarro World” (aka 6x15 “The French Mistake”). The brothers take a few jabs at it and AUCas slowly turns and looks at them like “WTF are you talking about?” He says nothing, just stares at them with an odd expression like he’s still trying to figure things out. The expression there was so comically NOT like our Cas that it only further solidifies my stance that we have an impostor among us.

Sam asks how the rift got there. AUCas says that “the child” coming forth is causing it. Let’s hit the pause button again. We now know that the unborn man-baby has a name: Jack. We know that our Cas is devoted to Jack. There’s a degree of detachment with AUCas and constantly calling Jack “the child” instead of by name. Unpause.

Then comes the big question: “What is on the other side?”

Cas’ reply was unsettling:
“You don’t wanna know.”

He says it like he’s reliving (bad) memories in his mind. He says it like someone that has lived there and lived through it. He does not say it as someone who just visited for a few minutes or as someone who wants to protect the brothers from it. He seems reluctant to want to return but if he has some of our Cas’ memories then he knows the brothers will want to take a stroll through and so he says nothing and they go. He puts up zero argument.

SCENE SEVEN:
Once there Cas gives a speech about the world being locked in eternal conflict between heaven and hell, with few humans remaining. Sam wants to know how he knows and Cas puases and then says, “A friend told me” while he blinks, looks over to his right and then up. This is a sign of deception/lying.

Let’s be clear, AUBobby wouldn’t be OUR Cas’ friend. They’d only just met. Just because he looks like our Bobby doesn’t mean he IS anything like our Bobby. But AUCas working with AUBobby definitely could be friends or cohorts. 

Ah, and here we get to the part on WHY I think AUCas is impersonating our beloved angel to begin with. His world is in war, an eternal celestial conflict, and now there is something from our universe wielding enough power to rip holes in space and time. Harnessing that power could help end the war. And after getting a vision of the future, it could mean paradise in his world.

The brothers are not thrilled with the predicament of rips in space. I find it interesting that AUCas puts his back to Dean and actually reassures Sam by telling him that the child opened it so the child will be the one to close it.  AUCas seems to be ignoring Dean and talking to Sam more, too, overall. For those of us who really know our Cas, we know that Cas almost always speaks directly to and looks to Dean. That does not mean he never talks to Sam but he almost always comes right back to Dean. Weighing everything I’m watching, he does seem to be avoiding Dean. AUCas may be uncomfortable with Dean for reasons I outlined above: Dean loves Cas and angels can feel feelings/longing. It may disturb him.

Dean makes a crack at him for having faith in an “unborn baby god” to which Cas rolls his eyes and says, “Yes.” Dean calls him a dumbass. Cas still has his back to Dean. Usually when our Cas is sassing Dean and they’re arguing, he still makes eye contact, even if to glare at him. Overanalyzing? Perhaps. But I believe the actors make very deliberate choices, down to micro-expressions and body language.

Cas’ shortness with Dean and eye rolling seems to me that he’s responding more to the fact that this human is talking down to him than being defensive of his faith. Think back to 12x19 and how calmly, reverently Cas says he’s no longer lost and has faith again. This AUCas may only be echoing whatever memories he obtained from our Cas, but hell if he won’t at least try to sell the part. It just seems so forced and unnatural coming from his mouth.

Who did our Cas see when he first came through the rift? Was it AUBobby? Or was it perhaps a celestial being (AUCas, another angel?), attracted to the power that ripped a hole in their world. With that power they could win the war and end the madness, so they hope. Desperation makes you do crazy things. (As an aside: I do think it was AUBobby that came upon our Cas - the boots and jacket sleeves from earlier seem to match what AUBobby is wearing.)

AUBobby strolls up to meet them, Cas insists they don’t shoot.

SCENE EIGHT:
Sam is trying to say, “Hey, it’s us,” but AUBobby says their names don’t mean anything to him and again we have Cas turning to Sam to explain and reassure him. AUBobby goes into a spiel about John Winchester being dead forty years and Mary Campbell killed by Azazel ten years back. Sam asks, “What the hell is this?” because he is overwhelmed, and Cas gives Sam reassurance for the third time in mere moments. He tells him that it is a world where they were never born. Hello, is Dean even here?! He’s chopped liver, the third wheel, for once.  

We could argue that there is animosity. That “married couple” tension that we saw back in 12x10 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” but that is NOT the feel I’m getting. This isn’t a bickering couple. Dean is standing close to Cas and while he may have called him a dumbass, he isn’t making any otherwise snarky comments or giving him the third degree. Dean seems to be fine for the most part. Later Dean tells Sam, “Cas has faith in Lucifer’s child… I hope he is right.” Dean is at the point where he is happy to just have Cas near and they’ll figure the other stuff out, hope for the best, and keep chugging along. Dean is ready to forgive and move on.

So no, this isn’t bickering couple behavior. This is AUCas deliberately avoiding Dean because they don’t actually have a ‘bond’ or history like Dean has with our Cas. And AUCas may feel Dean’s feelings but be extremely put off by them. And why would there be animosity anyway, if this was our Cas? Last time Cas saw Dean he gently healed him and gently put him to sleep so he could get Kelly to safety. There was peace, there was calm. What changed? Our Cas went through a rift and I don’t think he is the one who came back out.

Hey, just speculating here.

SCENE NINE:
AUBobby starts telling us a tale. Alarms went off at his place to alert him of the rift. We see AUBobby walk between the guys and Cas stares off in the distance past AUBobby. Is he looking to be sure our Cas hasn’t escaped and making a run toward them? Perhaps. Perhaps not. He definitely keeps looking off that way, though. AUBobby mentions a temptor demon and Dean asks what it is and finally Cas addresses him to explain. But he keeps his eyes down, he maintains distance.

AUBobby’s excuse for not killing Cas was “he looked different” and it just does not seem genuine, does it? Of course, our Cas wasn’t wearing baby ears on a necklace so that could be a legit reason. My feeling is that they don’t want to reveal that they have an AUCas and cause any red flags to go off with either of the brothers. AUCas quickly speaks up, keeping his eyes down and not looking at either brother now, to explain that he and AUBobby started talking about their two worlds. Ooh, subject change! Why so nervous AUCas?

AUCas doesn’t bat an eye at AUBobby talking about killing angels. The moment Dean shows delight in angel killing bullets AUCas gives him another “WTF? Who are you?” look. It is the first time in a long while that he has looked at Dean. It isn’t the same look he gives Dean when Dean says something that irritates him.

Let me repeat: he is NOT put off by AUBobby saying he kills angels but he IS put off by Dean being impressed by angel killing bullets. Our Cas knows Dean well enough that he would expect Dean to love cool and interesting weapons, even if it is to kill angel kind. This suggests that AUCas knows AUBobby, and trusts AUBobby, over Dean. AUCas doesn’t take offense to AUBobby’s “hobby and passion” in killing angels. It’s like it’s just normal news to him that he is used to. 

The interaction between AUBobby and AUCas appear to be them “playing parts”. They seem to be very, very, very careful with what they say and how much they reveal. Things are not adding up in the scene with AUBobby. AUCas keeps sneaking these looks at him that I can’t quite decipher but I think they’re in cahoots together. I think they both knocked our Cas out and hid him and are trying to get at Jack’s power.

We can assume that alternate realities have a lot of similarities, with few differences. In this reality, even though AUBobby is an angel killer, he could be working with the one angel that has a crack in his chassis. Just as our Dean hates all other angels except Cas. So AUCas could be an exception in that reality to the dicks-with-wings in the AU. Maybe he is AUBobby’s pet, or his hammer, or whatever. I digress….

And that is the last we see of AUBobby. He lets them use his gun and bullets in a later scene against Lucifer but we don’t see him again. Did he seek passage to our world? Is he holding our Cas hostage and needed to go back to keep an eye on him? I’m sure we’ll find out later. Perhaps he will be key in helping Mary return to our reality.

SCENE TEN:
We’re back in our universe and Cas comes to speak with Kelly. Interestingly Kelly doesn’t appear to want Mary to leave. Cas wasn’t being a very good doula earlier and had disappeared with the boys for an undetermined amount of time while in the AU. He left her and Jack unprotected. This is very different from our Cas who was fine with leaving the brothers at the end of 12X19 in order to keep Kelly safe. He could’ve let the brothers go to the AU alone to talk to AUBobby. But he didn’t. He left her. And I think even to Kelly he seems very different from the Cas from the beginning of the episode.

Quick cut to the brothers but we come back to the bedroom scene. He seems much more our Cas here now. Getting used to his role, perhaps? He even gives her a comforting, paternal kiss to her forehead. And then his eyes get big and dopey and he says, “Remember: paradise.” Paradise seems like something AUCas and Kelly want. Why do I feel like our Cas had more to his vision than that? 

Now I don’t think AUCas is cold. I think he is reassuring her because, like our Cas, he is different from the other angels (different enough that AUBobby most likely works with him and helps him making angel blade bullets?). There is goodness to him, it would seem. But rather than stay and protect her, he goes downstairs to work with the brothers.

THE PLAN: trap Lucifer in the AU with a spell. The spell will seal the rift so it cannot be reopened. Bye sweet Crowley. You deserved to be loved. <3

SCENE ELEVEN:
Lucifer comes upon the cottage and AUCas immediately strikes a defensive pose and drops his blade into his hand. Lucifer seems amused by that. We get a great camera shot of each of TFW’s face: Dean is angry, Cas is weighing Lucifer in his mind, Sam looks terrified but determined. AUCas says absolutely nothing. I would expect our Cas to have said… I don’t know… something. He was possessed by Lucifer at one point. This would be HIS brother, after all, if our Cas. Instead he glares and squints and weighs the situation.

Lucifer knocks Cas out and the brothers run toward the rift to lure him into the trap. We get some humorous Lucifer one-liners in this scene but man, we’re going to be beyond pissed at Luci later.

SCENE TWELVE:
Cas comes through the rift with an angel blade drawn.

What the hell are you doing, Cas?! Why are you running into the rift? AUCas knows the plan is to trap the guy so why’d he come through? Because AUCas doesn’t want another Lucifer in his world either. Perhaps he felt he could lure him to the AU where he wasn’t near Jack/Jack’s power and he’d have a fair chance of killing Lucifer.

He ignores the protests from Dean because AUCas doesn’t give two cruds about the guy. We’ve already got enough evidence of that from earlier in the episode. Yes, he healed him, but even that was done seemingly out of obligation, so he had more soldiers on the ground, rather than with the concern we saw in 12X19.

In 7X01 “Meet the New Boss” when Castiel is about to release the Leviathan back into Purgatory, he turns to Dean one last time and says he is sorry. Any time there is an instance where Dean and Cas will be separated, Cas does NOT just ignore Dean.

I would expect our Cas to say something. Even if it is just to say one word: “Run!” He could walk and talk at the same time. But this wasn’t our Cas. This was AUCas and Lucifer is now in his world. He wants to take him out! He doesn’t want Lucifer to get his hands on Jack because AUCas wants to use Jack to win his world’s war but he also doesn’t want him in his world.

Take another timeout and mention just how hoarse and distraught Dean is here, calling out to Cas. Sam grabs his brother immediately after Dean says the first, “Cas?” because Sam knows. Dean, of course, goes from confused as to why Cas is even there, to desperate in getting him to come back. Sam literally has to shove his brother through the rift. SOB SOB SOB! Yes, great parallel to when Dean dragged Sam away from Jess. Dean has lost Cas so many freaking times, and each time it gets worse. This was my favorite part of the episode, as heartbreaking as it was.

Our Cas knows that an angel blade won’t hurt Lucifer, much less kill him. Even the Colt can’t kill him. AUCas must not know this because he is not acting like someone who knows how powerful Lucifer is, and he doesn’t act like someone who recalls being possessed by the guy and knows how ruthless he can be. He’s TOO confident. Lucifer lets him get a stab in (because he probably knows it’s AUCas and is amused by how confident he is being) and lets his eyes flash red, as if to taunt him and say, “Oh, you got me”. We don’t see what happens next but……..

Either Cas could have been killed.
Here are two scenarios:

1). Our Cas got free and made a run for the rift. He may have even heard Dean desperately calling his name. He sees the impostor trying to stab Lucifer and get killed by Lucifer. He makes it through the rift, Lucifer follows, and kills our angel.

2). AUCas stabbed Lucifer and when it didn’t kill him, AUCas makes a run for the rift. Lucifer pulls the blade from his gut, follows and kills AUCas.

Whichever Cas it was, he was out-of-breath as though he had been running. There was zero response time for him to say anything, to let us know which Cas it could be. He looks to Sam when Sam says his name and then he locks eyes on Dean before being stabbed through, or near, his heart. SOB! His wings looks burned and they don’t look full, which could mean it IS our Cas. But I also feel that shot was purposefully dark and difficult to see, so as not to give too much away. It could very well have been fuller, or even different kind of feathers, etc.

What makes most sense?
In a literal sense and to come full circle with Cas’ story, it would make sense for our Cas to have been killed. When Dean met him (4X01) he stabbed him in the chest/heart. I was freaking out, people. I was thinking that in order for that to come full circle, Dean would stab Cas (probably on accident) in the end. I’m relieved it was Lucifer. I’m relieved that Dean won’t have THAT guilt and pain in addition to his love’s death. Or as relieved as one can be when their favorite character is killed.

But if we’re going for metaphorical then it won’t matter which Cas was stabbed. The point is that the “old Cas” and all the old ways of doing things are now dead. Just as Dean got to use that grenade launcher and blow down the walls of his repressed and suppressed emotions, so Cas will die to the self-hate, negativity and stoic angel emotional-constipation.

Regardless of which, our Cas needs to stop riding the middle between angel and man (Dean made a comment to Sam to “pick a side” and stop riding down the middle and I believe that is going to be a HUGE theme for S13!Cas). I want Cas to choose one way or another. I don’t want it to be forced upon him (Metatron stealing his grace forced him to be human; Crowley killing an angel and giving Cas the grace forced him to be partly angel again, etc.). And I believe with his literary, metaphorical death he will end up choosing humanity and become human of his own free will. Free will is the most important part of that. He needs to choose it.

Whatever happens, it will be full of angst.

We keep saying “Poor Cas, leave him alone” but good grief… poor Dean! He has continually had everything ripped away from him. Crowley is dead. He was their ally and as much as they don’t want to admit, a part of TFW and the Winchester clan. Cas is dead. Mary is trapped in a freaking alternate universe. 

Who do I think got stabbed?
I think that the writers want our Cas and Dean separated for a bit of time. I think that AUCas got killed. I think that AUCas will be revived at some point and will be very OOC compared to our Cas. He may even reveal at some point that he is an impostor, or be found out.

He will try to work with Jack because AUCas will want to fix his reality. Which means he will have a reason and purpose for wanting to get a rift opened back up to his world, and will pull a lot of strings to make it happen.

I think our Cas is in the AU and will be found. He will be key in helping Mary. Mary needs an ally over there. She may seek out or find AUBobby, find our Cas, and they may all work together to get the rift open on their end. Also, who else thinks Mary may have gotten some Jack juice when he was born and she got thrown to the ground? Would be cool and certainly help her get away from Lucifer.

Also, I do NOT see a trench-coat clad body when Lucifer and Mary fall through the rift. I still see the same bodies as before lying around. Could be there is a body but the camera didn’t span in that direction (hinting AUCas was killed by Lucifer) OR it means AUCas is the one that went back to our world and got stabbed, and our Cas is still a prisoner somewhere.

To have it be our Cas that got killed is repetitive. It’s time for something new. I love the twist of having had a switch and we actually have an AU character. Especially an AU character that doesn’t have the Winchesters in his world, specifically Dean. Dean ‘Humanity’ Winchester. Perhaps Dean will help AUCas in ways he helped our Cas - free will. And then, of course, we’ll do the switch back and get OUR Cas back, send AUCas back to his realm to fix it.

Ultimately, we WILL get our Cas back. They’re not going to throw away 8 years of character development for a copy. It will not be right away. We’re talking mid-season or toward the end, IMO.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS:
Dabb said “But I will say this: It’s by far the most meta finale we’ve ever done,” so I don’t think it’s as cut-and-dry as having been our Castiel the entire time. I think a couple of Switcheroos are definitely in the realm of possibility.

Misha told us to pay attention to how Cas acts after being revived. Will that Cas be intent on staying by Jack but obsessed with getting that rift open again because he’s from that world and he wants Jack to go and fix it - so he and his world can have paradise?

Or will it be OUR Cas who wakes up and is acting “reset” again, maybe amnesia? YAWN. Been there, done that. No, I think it’ll be a unique twist and we’ll get that if AUCas is the one in our world.

I expect to get flashbacks of what happened in 12X23, which would be a throwback to S8 Purgatory flashbacks. We are deliberately given big gaps this finale and I hope we’re clued in. I don’t expect to know right away which Cas we have. I don’t expect them to reveal a second Cas in the AU right away. I do expect the Cas in our world (whichever he may be) to be revived and be acting…. different.

On a different topic, I do hope Cas isn’t revived right away. I really feel like Mourning!Dean is an important part of the story, especially for the Destiel (which I DO believe will become canon, but more toward mid-to-end season). The mourning will be so different from the other times he has mourned. I fully expect a complete shutdown (broken, given up). Poor Dean! I even wonder if he won’t bother trying to get the rift open again until it is perhaps found out that his Cas is over there. No offense to Mary, but Dean may think she’s as good as dead with Lucifer being right there, but the moment he thinks Cas could be alive… that rift is getting opened again, come hell or high water.

Some people speculate the mixtape will be a clue on which Cas we have, something personal and private between him and Dean (think back to 5X04 “The End” when Future!Dean asked Dean to tell him something only he would know).

To recap:
-we started off with our Cas; devoted to baby, soft, sweet, calm
-last we saw Cas he used Nephil power to kill Dagon BUT he does not defend himself or kill the tempter demon because he burned up the power on Dagon.
-we don’t see our Cas return from rift
-the Cas we see after the visit to AU is way OOC, though he has some limited knowledge
-AUCas could have gotten some intel via our Cas and/or via reading minds
-his power also glows yellow; maybe an archangel? Archangels can change their appearance
-he flubbed the plan to trap Lucifer by storming in and trying to kill him with ineffective weapon
-a Cas got stabbed through the heart and killed (parallel to 4X01)

+

Thank you, Dabb, for giving us a wonderful mystery.
Season 13 is going to be absolutely amazing. I can feel it!

+

PS I love you if you read all of this.
I’m sorry it’s so long.
If you disagree, that is totally cool!
It’s all about having fun.
Analyze your hearts out, peeps.
Peace out.

May 25, 2017 by TheTwistedWillow

Scribble-Doodle: The Most Beautiful Place in the World

Malec. The last paragraph of this thing made me bawl. Sorry.


“Do you miss it?” Magnus asks softly while carding his fingers through Alec’s hair affectionately.

“Miss what?” Alec mumbles into his lover’s chest, already half-asleep.

“Idris, Alicante, your home…” Magnus explains.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

question thought of because of the psychosis/autism relation anon: can hallucinations or delusions or intrusive violent thoughts be autism and NOT psychosis ?

Ok. So this is a big question with a lot to unpack and ventures in very murky waters in the land of psychiatry. To begin, I’m going to go through some definitions and then we’ll explore the question.

  • Hallucination: a perception in the absence of external stimulus that has the qualities of real perception. In other words, it is the perception of sensory input that is not connected to real sensory input. For example, hearing voices regardless of setting would be a hallucination whereas hearing voices in running water would be an illusion. Hallucinations can occur in any of the senses, including, but not limited to, visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory, tactile, proprioceptive, equilibroceptive (balance), nociceptive (pain), thermoceptive (temperature), and chronoceptive (sense of time).
  • Delusion: a strongly held, false belief that persists despite superior evidence to the contrary.
  • Intrusive Thought: an unwelcome, involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that is upsetting or distressing
  • Psychosis: a loosely defined term generally used to refer to a loss of contact with reality. In psychiatry, psychosis is used to refer to hallucinations, delusions, and thought disorders. 

Now that we have defintions to work off of, let us look at your question:

can hallucinations or delusions or intrusive violent thoughts be autism and NOT psychosis ?

Here, we have two major questions that can be further subdivided. 

  1. Can hallucinations or delusions or intrusive thoughts be a part of autism?
    1. Can hallucinations be a part of autism?
    2. Can delusions be a part of autism?
    3. Can intrusive thoughts be a part of autism?
  2. Can hallucinations or delusions or intrusive thoughts exist outside of psychosis?
    1. Can hallucinations exist outside of psychosis?
    2. Can delusions exist outside of psychosis?
    3. Can intrusive thoughts exist outside of psychosis?

I’m going to go a bit out of order to address these questions. Let’s start with the last one first. 

Can intrusive thoughts/delusions/hallucinations exist outside of psychosis?

Can intrusive thoughts exist outside of psychosis?

Yes, because intrusive thoughts are not categorized as psychosis. Intrusive thoughts are most commonly associated with OCD or OCPD, though they can occur as a part of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. 

Delusions and intrusive thoughts share some common characteristics (involuntary thought, image, idea), however, delusions are characterized by 

  1. certainty (held with absolute conviction)
  2. incorrigibility (not changeable by compelling counterargument or proof to the contrary)
  3. impossibility or falsity of content (implausible, bizarre, or patently untrue)

Meanwhile, intrusive thoughts are characterized by the distress caused to the individual. Often, intrusive thoughts are not believed by the person experiencing them while delusions, by definition, are believed even in the face of opposing evidence. 

A person can experience both intrusive thoughts and psychosis, but the two are not related. 

Can delusions exist outside of psychosis?

No. Looking back at our definitions, we can see that it is not possible for delusions to not be psychosis. 

Psychosis is a break from reality. Delusions are predicated on the falsehood of the belief, i.e. the belief does not hold true to reality. Therefore, delusions, by their definition are psychosis. 

Can hallucinations exist outside of psychosis?

Yes, sometimes. 

This is where things get a little trickier. Unlike delusions, hallucinations actually have a wide variety of causes, both physical and psychological. The following are all causes of hallucinations:

  • Hypnagogic hallucinations- occur just before falling asleep and are pretty common. These hallucinations are not psychosis as the person experiencing them is generally aware that they are not real. 
  • Peduncular Hallicinosis- generally occur in the evening/dark environments but not during drowsiness. These hallucinations are generally very vivid and The person is fully conscious and can interact with the hallucinatory characters for extended periods of time while aware that the images are false. These hallucinations are rooted n a variety of pathologies including pontine and thalmic lesions, local subarachnoid hemorrhage, compression by tumors, basilar migraines, or basilar vascular hypoplasia. (Basically, bad things happening to the physicality of the brain)
  • Delirium Tremens- this is a condition caused by withdrawal from alcohol characterized by rapid onset of confusion. It generally occurs three days into withdrawal symptoms and lasts for two to three days. People may experience visual or auditory hallucinations, shaking, shivering, irregular heart rate, sweating, and, occasionally, very high body temperature or seizures which can result in death. 
  • Parkinson’s Disease and Lewy Body Dementia- both conditions can cause hallucinations that typically strike in the evening in any part of the visual field and rarely include other senses. Typically begin as illusions (distortion of sensory input) that can lead to hallucinations (added sensory input). Typically last for several minutes 
  • Charles Bonnet Syndrome- a name for visual hallucinations that are experienced by partially to fully blind people. 
  • Drug-induced hallucinations- hallucinations that are the result of consuming psychoactive substances including some allergy medications and psychadelics (LSD, “shrooms”, peyote, etc.) 
  • Sensory Deprivation Hallucinations- hallucinations caused by long periods of sensory deprivation. Hallucinations generally occur in the sense being deprived (a person who is blindfolded may experience visual hallucinations)

These are just some of the various things that can cause hallucinations. Some of these are classed as psychosis while others aren’t. Generally, the distinction between whether or not a hallucination is classed as psychosis comes down to whether or not the person experiencing it can tell that the hallucination is false (if a person knows it is not real, then it is not psychosis. If they don’t know, then it is psychosis). 

So, to summarize, intrusive thoughts are not psychosis. Delusions are always psychosis. Hallucinations can be psychosis but are not always psychosis. 

So, on to the next part of the question…

Can hallucinations/delusions/intrusive thoughts be a part of autism?

Can intrusive thoughts be a part of autism?

No, intrusive thoughts are not a part of autism, though many autistic people experience them as a part of a comorbid condition. Intrusive thoughts can be a part of OCD, body dysmorphic disorder, ADHD, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, or PTSD, all of which can occur alongside autism. 

Can delusions/hallucinations be a part of autism?

No, but…

Autism and schizophrenia have a long history together. When autism was first being proposed by Kanner, it was thought to be a type of childhood schizophrenia. This thought held for quite some time before autism was recognized as a distinct disorder in the DSM III (1980). 

Over the years, thoughts have changed a lot with regards to autism and schizophrenia. Once autism had been added to the DSM, there were stipulations that a person could not be diagnosed with autism if they showed signs of schizophrenia. 

We now recognize that a person can be both autistic and on the schizo-spectrum. Further, many autistic people are misdiagnosed with schizo-spectrum disorders which further entangles the two. 

However, by current thought, no, psychosis can not be a part of autism, though the two can exist together. 

Recent research, however, may show a greater link between autism and psychosis. A study, Psychosis in autism: comparison of the features of both conditions in a dually affected cohort, looked at a group of people diagnosed with both autism and psychosis and then compared them to people with autism alone and people with psychosis alone. Their results indicated different presentations of autism in those with both as well as different presentations of psychosis in those with both compared to those with one or the other. 

The research team suggests that there may be a subtype of autism that involves psychosis in which both autistic traits and psychosis present differently than either condition alone.  

So, right now, no, psychosis (hallucinations, delusions) are not a part of autism, but that may change as more is learned about both conditions. 

Summary

  • Intrusive thoughts-not psychosis, not a part of autism
  • Delusions- always psychosis, not a part of autism (yet)
  • Hallucinations- sometimes, but not always, psychosis, not a part of autism (yet)

If you have any further questions, feel free to reach out to me @strangerdarkerbetter.

-Sabrina

the-porcelain-flower  asked:

Hi! I have exams to study for and I am stressed out. Your stories always brighten my day. Would you care to share one?

sure, okay. it’s christmas. even i can be moved by the spirit of christmas. 

so around this time a few years ago—let’s say 5 years? maybe 6? i don’t know, some time between 2005 and 2010. this morning i referred to something that happened when i was four as “the other day,” so don’t ask me these things—i was spending christmas with my father and his side of the family. 

MY FATHER’S FAMILY, A 2005ish to 2010ish RETROSPECTIVE:

  • my dad, a 6’4 Mister Dad, who just looks like he should be wearing a tweed suit with elbow patches on it at all times
  • my grandparents, dammah and dappah; dappah lost a thumb in a boating accident and dammah snail-mails me poetry she’s written while walking on the beach
  • my brother, the straight-A grumpy cat whose two favorite hobbies at the time were video games and not talking to anyone at social functions
  • my cousin andrew, an eagle scout and general rapscallion
  • my cousin barea, who loved the color orange, philosophy, and this really sweet blue satin cape that made her look like a young minerva mcgonagall 
  • my aunt terse, a practicing witch (wiccan? i’m not really sure; my young brain only understood that she had a magic wand, roughly a dozen cats, and a moon garden)
  • and me.

essentially every family gathering was like an episode of Leave It To Beaver meets Sabrina the Teenage Witch. 

anyway, we all went to church for the midnight service on christmas. my aunt terse sang in the choir, which i don’t think was in fact connected with the church? i think it was like an independent choir for people who loooove chamber music but are maybe a little less interested in sitting through services every sunday.

  • or like a lot less interested.
  • or like not interested at all.

so the midnight service is beautiful, obviously, and they hand out candles so that we can all sing along and light our candles for jesus, and the preacher gives this really beautiful speech about how we should all let our own personal marys into our own personal inns, whatever that metaphor is supposed to mean. 

so the choir launches into o holy night, which is in fact my favorite christmas song. i love o holy night. i love it like i don’t love any other song in the billy gilman christmas album, which is the only christmas album that i love in its entirety.

i don’t want to listen to any albums that aren’t the billy gilman christmas album. this isn’t a joke. i’m not kidding. billy gilman or fucking bust, do you understand?

  • do you?
  • DO YOU UNDERSTAND. MY LOVE. FOR BILLY GILMAN.
  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT 12-YEAR-OLD BILLY GILMAN DID TO 10-YEAR-OLD MOLLYHALL’S LOINS.
  • “what are boys?” the world asked, and 10-year-old mollyhall said, “BOYS ARE BILLY GILMAN AND NOTHING BUT BILLY GILMAN, SO HELP ME GOD.”

i feel like this guy explains a lot about my reaction to hockey player jack johnson, but THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.

so there we were, lil’ 2005ish-2010ish mollyhall belting o holy night with all that her vocal chords could muster. oh man, i am killin it,she thought. the whole church was going to fall quiet just to listen to her sing. boy, she sure was going to make it as a musician one day! 

except…..suddenly, an overwhelming smell seemed to reach out and choke o holy night off at its root. it smelled like the way that stubbing your toe feels.

  • panic, disappointment, and the absolute conviction that your entire life is crumbling around your shoulders and that this is how you die.

i looked down at my hymnal like, yo, hymnal, what the shit? is this your fault? is it my fault? is this what my sins smell like?????

someone tapped my shoulder.

“excuse me,” said a voice, quiet, polite. “beg your pardon.”

i turned around. it was a sweet-looking old man, with big glasses. he pointed over my shoulder and said with what in hindsight is an astounding degree of serenity, “your friend’s hair is on fire.”

“haha,” i said, and then, “wait, what?”

barea’s hair was on fire.

she seemed to be politely panicking, tilting her head to the side to keep the fire away from her face and frantically blowing air out of the side of her mouth. “OH MY GOD,” i said. “OH DEAR SWEET JESUS.”

“please help,” barea whispered. 

i stared at her. i stared at the little ball of fire that was steadily climbing up her head. her hair had gotten long, and when she wasn’t paying attention had dipped into the candle in her hand. the flame had not yet engulfed her head but it was definitely … fire. there was fire there. on her head. there was fire on her head. 

in the span of about twenty seconds, my brain ran through my options:

  • stop/drop/roll. PROS: i learned about this in school, so it’s probably legit. CONS: we’re in a pew????? what is she going to do, get up and excuse herself to the ten people between her and the row and then roll around in the tiny little aisle like a sad ping pong ball of flame???? “oh, excuse me, pardon me, yes i’m so sorry just have to take care of this little problem of BEING AFLAME.”
  • blow it out. PROS: no awkward fire-person pew shuffling. CONS: won’t that….blow….the fire…. toward her face??? i just felt very strongly that we should keep the fire in a controlled area that was not her tender flesh.
  • holy water? PROS: water definitely works on fire. CONS: is that….legal? like, religiously? will jesus come for me about that later????

anyway, what i did was: i hit her in the head with my hymnal. 

IN MY DEFENSE: the fire had now almost reached her scalp, and i was panicking. IT WAS ANYWHERE BETWEEN 2005 AND 2010; WE ALL DID CRAZY THINGS IN THOSE WILD YEARS.

“ow,” said barea. “oh my god, ow.

"sorry, i’m so sorry,” i told her, a little hysterically. “on the bright side, your head isn’t on fire anymore????”

"that’s true,” barea said, just like—just like totally calm, like, yeah, good point there mollyhall, one point for fire safety! 

AND THEN MY FUCKING COUSIN PICKED UP HER HYMNAL AND WENT BACK TO SINGING O HOLY NIGHT LIKE HER GODDAMN HAIR HADN’T JUST BEEN LIT UP LIKE A VERY SMALL AND VERY NERVOUS CHRISTMAS TREE.

  • “O HOLY NIGHT THE STARS ARE BRIGHTLY SHINING, MUCH LIKE MY HEAD, WHICH WAS JUST ON FUCKING FIRE.”

when the song ended, my aunt terse hurried over. 

"oh, mollyhall,” she said, “your shout really touched me. you were so moved by the music.”

“no, aunt terse,” i opened my mouth to say. “i was moved by barea turning into ghost rider.

but barea just patted her hair and elbowed me in the side. “it was a very beautiful rendition of o holy night, mom,” she said before i had the opportunity. “my hair caught on fire a little bit, but you sounded so great.”

  • MY HAIR CAUGHT ON FIRE A LITTLE BIT, BUT YOU SOUNDED SO GREAT.

i write a new will and testament every time i get the sniffles, and this steel-nerved, tequila-blood motherfucker just pats her head like angela lansbury fixing her hair at an awards show. who are you really, cousin barea??? WHAT SECRETS ARE YOU HIDING??

I GUESS YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE MADE OF UNTIL YOU SET THEM ON FIRE.