about the food network

Humans are weird- aesthetics.

I’m not just talking clothes, what about plate design?

“Human Steve, why are you arranging that Basil leaf at a precise 90 degree angle? Does it affect the taste of the dish?” He was already aware the sense of taste was very important to humans.

“Nah, just looks nicer. I’ve been watching too much food network.”


What about flowers? Some people hate the look of some plants. What about when they go to a new planet, they see these flowers that look a lot like roses, and start fawning over them. The aliens already know that humans use flowers as symbols of good will, so maybe one of them gives them some flowers, but no. Because those are weeds, or just flowers that look really horrible together. And aliens never knew how opinionated humans are.

Or tastes just not going together well, you like white wine, and you like steak right? But god forbid you pair them together, especially in front of rich people. Aliens would be so confused.

Earth may be space Australia, but humans are those primadonna celebrities that have to have exactly 15 RED M&MS NEXT TO A SPRING WATER BOTTLE COOLED TO PRECISELY 5 DEGREES CELSIUS.

Tagging anyone I think would be interested. @space-australia-stories @what-are-even-humans @humans-are-space-orcs @human-aliens-collection @earthisspaceaustralia

Okay but literally I love the Food Network so much like

- They are so diverse, there is not one show of Chopped/Cutthroat Kitchen/Guy’s Grocery’s Games that I have seen that does not have an assortment of races/cultures (white, black, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Mexican, French, African, etc), both judges and participants

-They are a family channel that is wonderfully supportive of LGBT chefs; I’ve seen a fair amount of gay and lesbian chefs on it and the judges/hosts are always super supportive

-They do children’s versions of a lot of their shows, which is really good for children’s self esteem, to see kids their age able to do such cool things

-They have yearly competitions to help one group of people learn to cook better and another group to obtain their own show on the Network (and the first group isn’t chosen by them, there are literally kids/husbands/wives/partners who send in letters begging the Network to help that particular person cook better). 

- Guy Fieri. Most unproblematic fave in the entire Network. 

-They are so fast to get rid of problematic people as soon as they recognize they are a bad person (Paula Deen, anyone?)

- In every competition, unless specifically stated otherwise, they do their damnedest to have at least one female chef compete which is difficult since male chefs outnumber female ones. 

-They regularly have competitions between Food Network chefs and give any money they “win” to a charity. 

- They always give money to children who are impoverished and are in need of school lunches

Like I can’t…think of anything I don’t like about the Food Network? Except that I CAN’T EAT THE FOOD I WATCH THEM MAKE

  • every chopped contestant in the desert round: my plan is to make an ice cream that I'll over churn into butter, a crepe that'll come apart in the pan, a panna cotta that won't set up, and a cake that won't bake through. And if all that doesn't work, my plan B is this caramel sauce, which I'll definitely forget about and burn to shit.