A reason your kids need you to talk to them about their disability

Sometimes parents avoid talking to disabled kids about disability because they don’t want to make them feel different.

The thing is, it’s not actually possible to prevent your child from noticing that they are different. They will notice that they aren’t just like all the other kids. Partly because it’s obvious. Kids compare themselves to other kids, and to adults that they observe. Disability is as noticeable as the fact that some people are fat, female, tall, short, black, white, or whatever else. Kids notice differences. They will notice this difference too. And that’s ok.

They will notice that you are willing to talk about some differences, but not others. If you refuse to talk about disability, they will still know that they are different. They will just learn that you consider the difference unspeakable.

They will also notice what other people think about them and their disability.

People will stare at your child and make disparaging remarks. People will call them the r-word, and every other disability slur. They will say “special” and “special needs” with a sneer. They will make fun of your child for not being able to do things. They will say, or imply, that they would be able to do them if they’d just try harder.

You can stop some people from doing this to your child (and you should), but you can’t stop them from ever encountering it. They will probably encounter it every day. They will know that they are different from other people, and our culture will teach them incredibly destructive things about what that means.

You can’t stop your child from hearing what our culture thinks of disability — and if you don’t talk about disability yourself, your child will believe that you agree with it.

If you don’t talk to your child about their disability, the only words they will have for themselves are slurs they hear other people call them. You can give them better words, and better information.

If you don’t talk to your child about their disability, they will end up with a lot of misinformation about what their difference means. If you talk to them, you can tell them the truth.

tl;dr Refusing to talk to kids about disability doesn’t protect them from feeling different. It just prevents them from getting accurate information about what their disability is and what their difference means. When kids who don’t know the truth about their disability face hate, they have little-to-no protection against internalizing it.

silversarcasm:

how can you not see ableism as a feminist issue

autistic girls, especially black autistic girls, are misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed because of the focus on white cis boys and how they present as autistic

disabled girls and women often have their consent violated, both in medical procedures and otherwise, our bodies and minds are often not considered are own and we are dismissed as not having the capacity to make our own decisions

on top of that many disabled girls are seen as delusional and their speaking out about the abuse they have face, by whatever communication method, is often seen as them making things up and over reacting

many disabled women are fetishised and seen as an outrageous ‘thing’ to fuck, but are not seen as human

disabled girls, especially physically disabled girls, do not live up to ideas of beauty in our society and often have extreme self esteem issues

disabled women and girls face more shit than you could ever know and I need you to understand

Ableism. Is. A. Feminist. Issue.

6

My name is Angie. I’m a 20 year old woman, and I’m bed bound with a serious neurological injury. This was sustained from an accident during my last year of high school. To complicate the situation, my previous landlord evicted me for my disability, and I’m forced to pay for expensive temporary accommodation. I’m constantly on the verge of running out of money and becoming homeless. It’s impossible for me to apply for government housing unless I have a full diagnosis. To do this, I need to attend medical consultations that I cannot currently afford.

I would really appreciate any small donations people can offer to assist. I’m hoping to raise $6000 for my healthcare and accommodation expenses over the next two months. I have listed individual costs under the read more. Please, please reblog if you cannot donate. Thank you for your support.

Links: YouCaring | PayPal | FAQ | Verification

I’m extremely grateful to the people who have helped me with my accommodation costs in the previous months, I certainly would not be alive without this.

Keep reading

Sometimes people say that if those of us with disabilities CAN do something like attend a big event then we must not really be disabled. This is often because they don’t see the recovery time afterwards. My recovery took a few days this time, and by the end of the week I’m feeling basically myself again. Others may take more or less time to recover. But because this recovery is invisible to those who don’t know us well, it lets people continue to mistakenly believe that exertion doesn’t take a toll.

(Major Arkham Knight spoilers below!)

Okay, now that I’ve completed the main storyline of Arkham Knight, I feel confident enough to officially drag this article and everything that it pretends to stand for. And be warned, I will slay this article/website faster than Barbara Gordon slayed the dozens of tanks that were in front of the GCPD building. (I’ve noticed that you failed to put that BAMF scene in your article.)

First of all, let me quickly get the one topic out of the way.

Dr. Pamela Isley.

(Seriously, you’re trying to fight for the character’s dignity and yet you can’t even be bothered to mention her title?

I personally thought that she was great in the game.

Yes, you had to save her.  But…you’re Batman. You have to save everyone!

He’s saved just as many male characters as he has female characters.

Perhaps even more!

And in the end, Dr. Isley was acting completely on her on will. Batman was even shouting at her to get out of the tree. But she stayed. As Alfred says, her last act is a noble one. She knows that Gotham is going to die. She chooses to sacrifice herself in a surprisingly touching/sad scene. She actually underwent some pretty impressive character development through the video game series.

And if you’re coplaining about hwo she looks, stop. That’s how Dr. Isely chooses to dress. There’s nothing wrong with that. Barbara chooses to dress in a comfortable sweatshirt. Selena chooses to dress in a one-piece catsuit. (Pun intended.) Dr. Isley chooses to dress in the bare minimum that will allow her plant-like body exposed. That’s perfectly fine!

Okay, onto Oracle.

Now, before I go any further, I want to point out two crucial facts about me:

  • I am a feminist. (Albeit not an extremist one like those who are behind this website/article.)
  • I am also in a wheelchair.

That second point is why I will not let you get anywhere near Barbara Gordon, let alone defame her character for your extremist article.

Because Barbara Gordon means a lot to me and a lot of other women in wheelchairs. Because in that comic that you claim to be “a well of disgust”, Barbara Gordon ended up becoming paralyzed. And since then, she has climbed to amazing heights as Oracle. She is one of the few inspirational female characters with disabilities that we have and I will not let you demean her character. Yes, we saw a flashback of her paralysis. Yes, it was disturbing. Yes, it was her lowest point. But we also saw Jason Todd’s lowest point. And Jim Gordon’s lowest point. Hell, we even saw Batman’s lowest point. This game was all about showing character’s lowest points.

And let me make one thing clear to you:

Becoming disabled did not make Barbara Gordon weak!

Implying that it did is extremely offensive.

Furthermore, her character was phenomenal! Yes, she ended up being kidnapped. But she was the one who orchestrated the crash that allowed Batman to find her. She was the one who was shown to be clearly afraid of the Scarecrow but still stood her ground. (Metaphorically!) She was the one who brushed off her kidnapping and near-death experience and went right on, helping Batman, hacking into the GCPD computers and helping take down dozens of tanks! She was the one who firmly told Bruce that he didn’t need to feel responsible for any of their injuries; that they knew what they were doing when they signed up. In other words, Barbara BAMF Gordon was the one who completely contradicted the villain of the game!

And speaking of Jason, that was the reason that Bruce, Tim, and Alfred were freaking out! They had just lost Jason. The weren’t about to lose someone else. And Gordon was freaking out because…that’s literally his personality!? Every single medium that I’ve seen that involves Gordon and Barbara shows him being extremely overprotective of her. And this doesn’t have to do with her disability because both Arkham Origins and Batman: The Animated Series shows Barbara being abled and Gordon still being overprotective because she’s the only family that he has.

Yes, there’s a scene where you think that Barbara has put a gun to her head. Yes, it’s disturbing. Again, that’s sort of the point of the game.  Although I knew that he had been gassed? It was pretty obvious?

And yeah, Scarecrow does push her wheelchair off of the roof. But again, other male characters have received just as much, if even worse, torture in the game. *Cough* Jason *Cough*. 

In conclusion, Barbara might have been a damsel. She might have been in distress. But she wasn’t a damsel in distress. She was a phenomenal character and a great representation for women in wheelchairs. Dr. Pamela Isley was also a great character. Arkham Knight was disturbing and scary (as it was intended to be) but it certainly wasn’t sexist or misogynist. The only complaint that I have about this game is…SERIOUSLY WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THAT IT WAS A FUNNY IDEA TO HAVE MANBAT POP OVER THE EDGE OF THE ROOF AND SCREECH LIKE THAT!? THAT WAS NOT OKAY!?

Whenever someone tries to use “Survival of the Fittest” to justify ableism

gif of Inigo Montoya saying “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

We are artists and writers, graphic designers and videographers, musicians and photographers, actors and performers. Some suffer a good deal of work-related stress, and many of us feel forced to hide our autism in order to keep those jobs. But that doesn’t detract from our being able to do them - simply that we fear others will perceive us as being unable to because of it.
—  We Are Equal - From Penni Winter’s “Loud Hands & Loud Voices” in the book “Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking”
Addressing the Negative Reaction to Disability I’ve Been Seeing on My Dashboard

Over the last week or so I’ve been seeing a surge of negative things said about the way disabled people approach disability both in the real world and in fiction. I try to stay out of such things and I prefer not to address the ableist because I think there frankly just ignorant. Mostly this surge of negative posts is simply able people who have never had to deal with interacting with the world in a way that is different from the norm. Most of you able-people have never felt a massive surge of pain just because a storm cell was passing overhead, or feel what it feels like to dislocate a joint. 

You imagine that having a disability would be the “worst fate, like, ever” because you can’t fathom a world where you can do whatever you want without thinking about how your body will react. 

So let me tell it to you straight. I couldn’t imagine my life without my disability. There are things that suck, sure, but that’s true of anyone’s life. I might not be able to run anymore, and I’m not the most reliable friend, but the friends I have are the best in the world and I know that they’re loyal. At 26 I know that I have friends that I’ll have for the rest of my life. How many able 26-year-olds can say that? So if you can’t accept me and my disability just as I am, then you really need to know that, frankly, I don’t give a damn about your opinion.

And to all of you, my disabled friends, be proud of who you are. Be proud of your disabled fictional heroes. Romanticize them. Post stories about disabled Steve Rogers and disabled Bucky Barnes and all their friends. No one can tell you that they can’t be heroes just as they are. They are heroes, all of them - not just the parts that the ableists can accept. You’re all heroes. All of you, not just the parts that the ableists can accept. You are awesome and perfect just as you are. Feel free to romanticize yourselves. You deserve it.

holy shit stop throwing chronically ill and disabled and neurodivergent people under the bus with your activism stop stop stop stop stop 

using words like gimpy helps no one! and it hurts some people! saying someone’s a psycho for not agreeing with you helps no one! and it hurts some people! telling someone they’re lazy for not doing any activism outside of the internet helps no one! and it hurts some people! 

stop reinforcing ableist views when you’re trying to tackle racism or misogyny or transphobia or homophobia or literally anything else! it’s not helpful! it’s actually the opposite of helpful! it alienates a lot of people! 

IF YOU AREN’T IN A SYSTEM IT REALLY HONESTLY IS NOT YOUR JOB TO DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING

  • determine who’s “legitimate” and who's “faking” and “romanticizing”
  • determine what words systems can use for their system things

  • tell systems they don’t count because they aren’t x, z, or y

Stop talking over the people you claim to want to help, singlets. Also, if it wasn’t clear: Nobody should try to do any of the following, misuse of terms might be a problem and sure maaaaybe there’s some people who do fake? I haven’t seen any. But you CANNOT have any accurate way to determine who is an isn’t something ONLINE.

“alters are hallucinations”. :^]

tbHhhhhh that seems to be the main source of singlets’ ableist against systems, that’s where it all ends up and sources from - the idea that the members of the system who aren’t the original are Fake and Not Real People. that’s where it practically all stems from in everything I see.

in your media, they’re fuking inhuman villainous plot tools. online, you ignore the opinions of real system members in favor of defending the practically nonexistent few who agree with your weird warped mindset. just to be right about something you can’t possibly know more about than us

fuck oFF

“He’s not autistic...”

“If he were autistic he wouldn’t be able to not talk about his obsessions.  That thing he does with his fingers isn’t stimming, he can control it, he has control over his body.  He’s bad with social cues, but not like autistic people are, they completely don’t understand social cues at all and don’t understand why it’s important to look into people’s faces rather than at the patterns of their clothes or the color of their hair.

He functions well with others! He can understand people’s emotions and empathize with them!  THESE ARE THINGS THAT PEOPLE ON THE SPECTRUM CAN’T DO!”

(”Headcanoning him as autistic is so unbelievably harmful to people on the spectrum!  They aren’t like you’re imagining them!  Thinking that characters like him might be autistic is as harmful, if not worse, than no representation at all.”)

And it’s not like the thede is exactly an ableism-free paradise.
I kinda want everyone to read The Wind Singer, but I’m worried they’d think it depicted a utopia and the author was just being irrational for writing a story that critiques it.
(Also recent arguments have made me embarrassed to recommend a children’s novel, but that’s probably just projection on my part.)