abby's a piece of crap

Sleepy Hollow Shipping Part IV: You can't fake it til you make it

Ichatrina is a fake marriage.

Katrina is a fake witch.

Anytime Ichabod sides with Failtrina, it is because he is feeling guilty. He is going through the motions because that is what he is supposed to do. Be a GOOD husband, despite the fact that DEATH did them part!

And how do we know all of this? 

BECAUSE THE GODDAMN SUCCUBUS TOLD US LAST NIGHT!

That’s right. The succubus looked inside his heart and she saw a strong desire, that had been alluded to the entire episode. A desire for ABBIE. And she saw doubt. Doubt that there was anything left in his marriage between him and FAILtrina.

Ichabod knew it. He said as much when he was in the car with Abbie. He came about as close as anyone who is allegedly married to someone else to confessing their love for a SUPPOSED bro. And we aint talking “I love you man.”–We just won the World Series, hugging in the locker room love. We are talking bout, “I’ve fallen in love with you and I can not breath unless you are by my side for ever and ever.”

Ichabod even talked about how Moloch took both FAILtrina and Abbie away from him at one point and how he couldn’t bare it. But basically his speech at the end when Katrina goes back to Abraham could be summed up as “Meh, bye Bitch!”

I don’t see how it can be spelled out any clearer for the Ichatrina and Katrina stans. She’s a broke ass witch. She’s a broke ass spy. And she is a broke ass LIAR. Y'all saying how can we hate on her when she’s done nothing wrong. HER CHARACTER is wrong! Let me point out that in ya'lls FAVORITE Ichatrina episode of failure called Deliverance, where Failtrina is impregnated by her son in the most disgustingly Oedipal victimization to ever be written SINCE Oedipus Rex. Where Failtina is placed in a form fitting constricting outfit while after being forcibly impregnated (and she’s more worried about whether he man likes the outfit than she is about the fact that she was forcibly impregnated. Like she’s a powerful witch but it takes Abbie reading a book for her to know she’s pregnant?) Where Failtrina, a powerful witch has to yet again be saved by mortals. All the while, Abbie demonstrates her independence, by exercising her right to vote, by reminding Ichabod who is paying his bills bills bills, and by standing up for herself though outnumbered and being the voice of reason in the middle of two complete FOOOOLS! (Did ya’ll not notice how quick Ichabod said NO to Abbie going off alone EVEN WHILE he was holding his sick wife’s hand? Did ya’ll not notice how quick Ichabod left his recovering albeit sleeping wife in the church to go talk to Abbie after they expelled the demon baby? If he was so IN LOVE with her, why didn’t he cuddle her while she slept and leave Abbie alone? Huh? *crickets*)

NOT ONE TIME has this bitch FAILtrina finished a spell without needing to be helped except for when she saved Ichabod on the battlefield, and even that is suspect because REVEREND WARLOCK WAS RIGHT THERE NEXT TO THE BED!  

Then there is the spying. She’s supposed to be a skilled spy, but what information has she passed along that was useful? Even when Ichabod questioned her about conversing with Abraham, she flipped and accused him of being jealous. NAH BITCH! He wants to know did you get any intel? Did you make use of your goddamn time there instead of fucking around?

Lastly we have the lying. IF she was a better liar, her ass wouldn’t get caught in so many of them. In fact there are a whole bunch of things surrounding Katrina that have yet to be explained. Like why didn’t she mention she was sneaking into Moloch’s lair using his mirror to communicate with them the whole time? Lies by omission. What was that useless piece of crap she gave Abbie to protect her in purgatory? More lies. Henry can be saved. Lies. I am a powerful witch. Lies lies. I can spy on the enemy and find out their plans. Lies lies and more lies. She gets caught every time.

Ichabod’s speech at the end was him signing off on his marriage. Goodnight and good luck to Katrina Crane the broke ass witch. He has no faith in her! He is just telling himself all of that to make himself feel better about falling out of love with her and falling in love with Abbie!

Seriously, if the writers aren’t writing it like this. If all this exposition and angst is all by accident, (Ichabbie car ride in Heartless, yea I’m talking about you. That car ride said more about romance and his love for Abbie than any “My wife” Ichabod has ever uttered.) then this show has truly gone to shit, and ya’ll can have it. The ratings this season prove it. Either they get back to Sin Eater level and quit forcing FAILtrina down our throats, or I have no hope for a Season 3. Even if they are using the breakdown of Ichatrina to show us how strong Ichabbie is, IT ISN’T EVEN NECESSARY AND IT IS BOOOORING! We already KNOW how strong Ichabbie is. We don’t need Failtrina to prove that the bond between Ichabod and Abbie can’t be broken. We don’t need to see Failtrina to know how useless and inconsequential she is. Hurry up and raise the other two horseman already, or at least one more so Henry doesn’t have to do all the goddamn work, and keep Failtrina off our screens!