“We started as strangers. A stranger whom i never thought will have a big spot in my heart. I got the chance to enter the broken window that’s full of darkness. I was lucky i got the chance to know you. I never thought i would fall in love with someone like you. Maybe, we were destined to meet each other, to fall in love, to learn something and to realize things that only the two of us can discover. You shaped me into what I believed was a ‘better’ version of me. You took me to places I’ve never been. You taught me how to love unconditionally. We shared secrets and i love the way you made me feel that i was once the most important person in your life.
But just like seasons, people change, some needs to leave, others need to find their place and few chose to stay. And you’re the season that needs to leave after destroying the beautiful garden that i was trying to protect. You left that night without bidding good bye, without saying anything, without any explanation. I was left dumfounded. I feel like i am nowhere to be found. I feel like you had taken away my soul that night. I knew that you would leave me, but I love you enough to let you go.
Then i started to convince myself you never felt anything for me. But i was wrong, i thought i would be okay when you left. But everyday, every minute i waited for your comeback. I stayed at the place where you left me. It feels like everyday, i am having a hard time to breathe. I don’t even know how to embrace myself every night when i am missing you because my whole body hurts like hell. Life was like a black cloud, there was no happiness. You had taken it with you that night. I spent months poisoning my self with liquor, i thought it will help me forget about you, even just your name. I always thought that it would bring you back to me. It didn’t. I waited, months had passed and everyday i am losing my hope that you will come back, but still i waited, until i lgot no strength to continue waiting for you. But you know? I still waited, i used that small hope that maybe, one day you’ll realize something.
But now that you’re back. I don’t know what to feel. I should be happy right? You’re now back and i don’t know what you up to. I don’t know if you came back for me or you came back just because you want to get my hopes high then leave again for the nth time. Honestly i can’t feel anything now. I waited for your explanation. I waited for your sorry, but i got nothing. I was the one who said sorry because i thought it’s my fault why you left. But i didn’t hear anything from you. I didn’t even hear you say “i miss you”. I’ve been dying to hear that from you for how many months of not hearing anything from you.
I still want to hold on to you. But i’m slowly losing my hope that we still have our second chance. But it’s draining and I’m tired, so tired.
I still love you but i think i’m losing my chance. Can you save me this time? Can you please find me this time? I want you to chase me this time. I want to know if you still want me in your life. But if not, then i’ll just leave.”
The one that got away // JC