aaaaah i have been wanting to do this for a while

anonymous asked:

hi can i request for bestfriend!seungcheol slowly realizing he has feelings for you AAAAAH (thinking of it makes my heart flutter) i love ur writings and thank uu in advance!!:]

  • you and seungcheol have known each other since you were literally kids,,,and therefore it’s no big surprise that you guys keep being friends even up into college
  • where you’ve just seen your best friend turn his childhood mischievousness into what he calls charm,,,,,or ‘grease’ even though every time you make a fake gagging noise at one of his pickup lines seungcheol just tells you you know nothing about the complex world of ‘flirting’
  • and random people in your classes keep asking you if seungcheol is single,,,,,because wow he’s got muscles,,,,anD a cute face,,,,,
  • and you’re like sure he does,,,,but did you know he snores like crazy????? in middle school he came over to play videogames, fell asleep on my couch and it sounded like a freight train was coming through my living room 
  • but people are like interested in him for his looks
  • which you do,,,,agree have gotten much better,,,,,like seungcheol went from being a lil chubby in the cheeks to have a killer jawline
  • and walking around in bomber jackets,,,hair slicked back from his face,,,,sunglasses hanging off his nose,,,,,,and,,,,,that secret tattoo he got and made you swear that you wouldn’t tell his mom
  • but like,,,,,you see the chic seungcheol but it’s nothing compared to the memories you have of him as a twelve year old standing next to you with dirty knees and a big dopey smile on his face because you guys managed to climb the neighbor’s fence and get back your frisbee without getting caught
  • but long story short he’s the hot campus flirt and you’re his bestfriend so everyone either assumes you’re dating or wants you to get them his number
  • and it’s annoying but it becomes even worse when you and seungcheol get the same part-time job at the mall
  • and you guy’s work at this clothing store and ,,,,,everyday it’s the same groups of people from your college coming in to giggle and flirt with seungcheol
  • and seungcheol is so easily entertained by it,,,,,,so you get stuck folding shirts while he sits at the counter batting his eyelashes
  • but you don’t complain because he does work too,, he lifts any of the heavy stuff and always helps you move around the mannequins but he also teases you if you happen to get tired 
  • so when people aren’t around it’s like you’re kids all over again,,,,,but then a flock will come and take him away and you will never admit it,,,,,,,,,,,
  • but you’re kinda jealous,,,,like that’s your best friend and you guys barely hang out because class eats up your time so getting the same job kinda made you excited,,,but now,,,,
  • you don’t show it though and you don’t tell seungcheol. hell no you could never,,,,,,,,
  • but one day as you’re closing up you mention that the tuition is getting worse and you’re three hundred bucks in debt for textbooks and you forget you even tell seungcheol
  • but the next weekend when you’re in the mall, not for your shift but to see another friend, you can’t believe it but,,,,,,,,there’s seungcheol???? working extra shifts????
  • and you don’t know why and you’d ask,,,,but somehow you feel like you shouldn’t,,,,,he might have his reasons,,,,so you duck when he turns to look over his shoulder
  • and a couple of weeks go by and you know seungcheol keeps taking extra hours,,,,,and you’re like,,,,,,,,is his family having money problems?? why won’t he talk to me ??? does he not see me as his best friend anymore,,
  • and it hurts you won’t lie,,,because no matter how open and friendly seungcheol is with people - you always knew that he told you everything. and only you,,,,,,,but that seems to have changed
  • until,,,,,,you get an email before your shift about how your debts been paid off and you’re like ?????what?????but i??????didn’t????? do that????
  • but the fact makes you smile because thaNK GOD three hundred bucks is like ,,,,,,four weeks of work
  • and seungcheol walks by and is like “you look all happy, is it because i look amazing today?” and you roll your eyes and you’re like no!!! some kind soul paid off my debt!!!
  • and seungcheol ruffles your hair and is like you’re lucky! someone must really like you!! and you’re like yEAH omg i wonder who it wa-
  • and you stop mid sentence and look up at seungcheol and he’s like ?
  • and you’re like,,,four weeks of work is 300 bucks,,,,,,seungcheol was taking extra shifts for about three to four weeks,,,,,,he never mentioned having his own money problems,,,,,and he knew about your debt
  • and it all clicks in your head and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, “it,,,,,was you wasn’t it?” and you say it quietly but you know seungcheol can hear it
  • and you see him shrug, smile at you and he’s like “i said it you know,,,the person who paid for you must really like you,,,”
  • and you catch your breath because wait,,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,you,,,,,,seungcheol,,,,,,,likes you????
  • and you’re like “do you mean-” and seungcheol drops his eyes for the first time,,,,getting a flustered look that is so so so rare
  • and he’s like “i don’t want you to think im trying to lure you or anything, and if you don’t feel the same way we’ll just say i did it for you as your best frien-”
  • but you’re like pulling him down by his employee id and seungcheol is like!!!!!! and you’re pressing your lips softly to his beCause you know WHAT
  • you like him too!!!!! and that jealousy you felt might have been attributed to the fact that,,,,you’ve always wanted to be special to seungcheol,,,,but in more of a way than a friend,,,
  • and seungcheol is shocked, but his hand is almost reflexively moving to tug you closer
  • but you both have to tear away when your manager clears their throat so loud everyone in the store turns to look
  • but,,,,,,,you and seungcheol spend your shifts with giddy smiles and fast beating hearts and im not trying to hint at anything here kids but when the manager goes and it’s time to lock up,,,,,
  • well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,let’s just say you and seungcheol do a bit more than kiss in the employee room
  • and literally seungcheol against your neck is like: “ive liked you since we were kids,,,and now,,,,,,it’s like that childhood dream of mine is really coming true,,,”
  • and usually you playfully hit him when he says something corny,,,but that just makes you melt even more in his arms hehe 
When We Collide

Pairing: Assistant!Y/N/CEO!Luke

Rating: PG-All

Request: Yes

Words: 4.000+

Summary: He is the definition of high class smart ass, swimming in Dom Pierre Pérignon champagne and has never seen the shadow of poverty. She is underprivileged, lives in a messy dorm room on sale and struggles working as an assistant after being thrown out of college. But how will they collide when Luke makes Y/N pregnant after a drunkenly one night stand?

”So what you’re saying is that I woke up this morning expecting everything to be butterflies and rainbows, called my chauffeur to pick me up and wasted gas all the way over to my office just because you couldn’t satisfy my request?”

Luke’s tone rose by each word that left past his pink lips, his eyebrows furrowing and his marker rolling between his fingers.

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FP Jones x Reader- Figure it out

Thank you anon for the request! As I stated before everyone in this fic is legal age, and the reader will be older than Jug. I also made it so FP was young when he had Jug, but there was still a large gap.

Anyway I am so so sorry this was late. Aaaaah I hate that this was so late. I hope I wrote it to your standards and you like it ^^ If not please let me know and I will try to fix it. Also thank you so, so much for the well wishes you sweetheart <3 Hope you are doing well anon!

I don’t know yet if I will continue to allow age differences like this in my writing as I wasn’t too keen on writing it. I wasn’t a big fan but I did want to get this one written, as I said I would

Warnings: Age difference, swearing, implied smut

Words: 2160


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as it is valentine’s day, and i am a sucker for everything regarding love & showering people in my life with love, i wanted to make a special follow forever for everyone i adore on this site. i’ve met so many incredible people and have grown to love and cherish you as i would anyone in my real life, because you’ve all always been there for me and have shown me so much support when i needed it. i can’t thank you enough for that and i don’t think any of you will ever really know how much that’s gotten me through my dark moments. therefore, that’s why it’s so important to let each and every one of you know how special and wonderful you are! i’ve written a little something for those who have truly touched my heart and i’ve also included everyone who i love, even if we’ve never spoken, i still think the absolute world of you hope that life is treating you well. to everyone reading this, i love you i love you i love you and you deserve everything beautiful and wonderful in this world. if you ever need me, i’m right here for you, and my heart is sending you lots of love and affection today (did u guys kno how sappy i am)(well now u do)(feel free to drag me for this okay i’m a ball of mush) 🌹

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magnificent-winged-beast  asked:

Duddette... It's TERMINATOR SHIT. "YOU" IS DEAN FROM THE FUTURE!!! I'm a mess too, but you are More coherent to write about it. OH MY CHUCK *heavy breathing* I spend the last hour analyzing all the frames of the promo in my tablet because I'm at work, on a training stuff that gives me more time and freedom. Anyways, this is Enverse!Dean I can bet my honor as a wich. But this is THE FUTURE.

2. who the hell was that ?!?! at the end of the promo when cas says “you?”, do you have any speculations? benny? adam maybe? jk XD, no but for reals, who do you think it is ??

3. What’s your thoughts on the last second of the trailer (the bit with Cas on the floor, looking up and “you”) ?

Hi, 3 anons about the promo vid and Cas - here is my half baked totally wild random ass off the top of my head theory!

Time travel? I was like naaaaaaw…. then I was like SHIT he does look a little bowlegged! But… not entiiiiirely convinced I’ll be honest. I’m also spitballing… Chuck?

source: @shixpe

I mean we know Angels can time travel so the nephilim could do it from the future if it saw Lucifer had created another apocalypse and was like NOPE NOT FOR ME!

Also, even if THIS isn’t him, I also though this looked like Dean from all the promo PICS etc? And the way Cas just lies there? Like he’s not that worried? 

source: @spicywatson

IDK if this is the same guy or the same scene…. but I also head canon that this is Dean, but brainwashed Dean, so Cas is like “are you… YOU?” which is why we hear the “you?” maybe in the video?

As @super-sootica just reminded me - ENDVERSE CAS KNEW THAT DEAN WASN’T FUTURE DEAN!!!!

And why is Dean brainwashed? Well, we know there is a flashback scene so for me this is Dean’s ultimate DECONSTRUCTION OF PERFORMING DEAN MOMENT - Dean has to finally address his past to allow himself to move fiorwards, its his childhood and his view of his parents especially John but his idolatry of Mary that meant that he kept the facade up for so long. I have written like thousands of words on how Amara was the exposition of Dean’s inner feelings and Mary is the extension of this this season, so going back in time to flashbacks of his childhood and facing it with Mary the ULTIMATE way for Dean to look at his inner selfand move towards accepting himself as he is….

Then there are the electrodes and we know that MARY has been brainwashed and again, in 12x21 there was the clear allusion to the 8x17 crypt scene, where this time Dean cannot break Mary out of it, but what if now we get a REAL REVERSE CRYPT SCENE? I DONT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS!!! WHERE DEAN IS THE ONE WHO IS BRAINWASHED?!

And ok, we are terrible for riling each other up and screaming at each other, but @amwritingmeta said in this post :

“What if Dean is willingly brainwashing himself here? Sitting there, looking so fucking DETERMINED.What if he makes the choice (after possibly first refusing) because he realises IT’S THE ONLY WAY HE CAN ACTUALLY FACE CAS AND KILL HIM IF HE HAS TO?” 

But Cas manages to Crypt Scene him out of it because - well CAS IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS AND ITS CAS MAN!


Then we have this image? 

source: @throughfireandice

Given that I am all about the fact that the nephilim will not be born INATELY either good or evil, because that is the whole point of the show, I love the idea that it could have brought Dean from the future to get him to help Cas and convince himself and Sam (or tell Cas how to convince him - reverse crypt scene please and thank you) to raise the Nephilim right.

Because as it stands right now? With Sam and Dean potentially brainwashed by the mol? Even if they aren’t still going against Cas? While I believe that Cas is actually the one who is right here? If they continue to go against him THIS is how it ends up as another apocalypse.

So what needs to happen? TFW need to be TOGETHER, on the same track, raising the nephilim together and leading him on the righteous path because in the end it is all about the nephilim’s FREE WILL and his/her CHOICE whether to be good or bad.

I mean, this might be total rubbish. But my theory about this and the fact that Cas is actually the hero here and will earn his endgame arc this way just kinda ties into all and every theory I have running around in my head.

Regardless of the intimate details of the promo, of the pics etc. I really feel like this is overall the way it’s leading: that they need to allow the child to make a CHOICE and hopefully, if my faith in the show is well placed, it will lead to the child choosing the RIGHTEOUS PATH and GOOD, to raise the world to it’s feet and as @amwritingmeta says, to BRING BALANCE TO THE UNIVERSE.

anonymous asked:

solangelo and #60? your writing is so good omg im jealous ❤️❤️❤️

Aaaaah! Thank you! I’m so sorry this took forever, I’ve had a crazy week this week and I haven’t had anytime to write! But, here it is!

Prompt: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

Nico’s lungs filled with the choking scent of cigarettes and alcohol as he made his way to the bar. The pounding beat of a techno song reverberated through the oppressive crush of hot, sweaty bodies and into Nico’s skull. He finally reached the other end of the room, where a long,  forlorn-looking counter sat entertaining its few occupants.

Nico took a seat on one of the neglected barstools and asked the young woman behind the counter for a glass of water. She returned less than a minute later and handed him a glass, which he thanked her for before swiveling around to observe the activity at the opposite side of the space.

Drunken laughter mingled with the rumbling bass of the music. The crowd swayed and knocked against each other in a sort of joyful, haphazard dance. Slithering tendrils of purple-gray smoke rose from the assembly, while empty beer bottles rolled underfoot.

“I’ve not seen you here before,” an unfamiliar voice said. Nico whipped around to locate the source, and found himself face to face with a man who couldn’t have been much older than him.

He had golden hair that curled slightly and round blue eyes that glimmered with amusement. Freckles dusted the angular plains of his face, and a thin, white scar cut across his pointed chin. “You don’t come around here a lot, do you?” he asked. His voice was warm and mellifluous, almost musical.

“No, I’m not really one to frequent bars and clubs much,” Nico replied.

The boy raised an eyebrow, “Then what brought you here? Rough week?”

“No,” Nico replied, shaking his head. “More like my friend’s birthday.” He jutted his chin in the direction of the crowd, where Percy, Leo, and Jason were busy toppling over each other as they tried to keep up with the speeding rhythm of the song.

“Ah,” the boy replied.

Nico sipped his water and faced him, “So, what’s your name?”

“Will Solace,” the boy–Will–answered.

“And how’d you end up in this place?” Nico inquired.

“I’m a med student and finals are coming up, that’s all you need to know,” Will said. Nico chuckled and rested his elbow on the bar. There was something captivating about the way the light danced on Will’s sculpted features that left Nico unable to tear his eyes from him.

“How about I buy you a drink. Cheers to finals?” Nico offered.

A smirk flickered across Will’s lips. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

“S-so what if I am?” Nico stuttered, his cheeks coloring.

Will leaned forward. The glimmer in his blue eyes seemed more pronounced now. “Well, then I’d consider myself pretty damn lucky.”

Nico’s blush deepened, and his heart hammered in his chest. He opened his mouth to respond, but his voice died in his throat.

Suddenly, Will averted his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, did I go too far?”

“No, no. You just caught me off guard that’s all,” Nico replied.

Will’s face relaxed into an easy smile, “What, you aren’t used to being flirted with?”

“People tend to avoid me,” Nico answered, shaking his head.

“You’re kidding me!” Will exclaimed. “With a face like yours I’d think you’d be fighting men and women off with a stick!”

Nico laughed. “No, they don’t seem to notice my natural charm,” he joked. 

“Well, their loss, then,” Will answered. He yawned and stretched his arms. 

“Tired, Solace?” Nico asked. 

“Yeah,” Will answered. “This place is exhausting.”

“Then go home,” Nico said. 

Will suddenly perked up at Nico’s words. “Oh, hell no,” Will replied. “Not without getting your number first!” He drew his phone from his pocket and held it out to Nico. 

“You want my number?” Nico asked in surprise. 

“Of course I want your number,” Will countered. 

Finally, Nico took the phone from Will and punched in his number before returning it. 

“I’m expecting a text from you sometime tonight, doctor’s orders.” Will said in a playful tone.

Nico rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say Will.”

He grinned, “Good night, Nico.” 

Nico smiled in return, “Good night, Will.”

With one last wave, Will turned and disappeared into the haze of smoke and bodies on the other side of the room, leaving Nico’s heart pounding louder than the beat of the music. 

toshiirou  asked:

Okay but a role reversal where Mari and Adrien are bffs and Mari has a huge crush on Alya, which makes funnier scenes because Mari and Adrien equally have awkward social skills and Alya's sorta like fml and gives up and goes to ask mari out herself

aaaaah omg I’m in love with this idea I hope you don’t mind I kind of ran with it

Mme. Mendeleiev paired up Alya and Marinette for a science project, and for the first time, Marinette loved her teacher for assigning work over break. This was perfect. Alya would come over to work on the project, Marinette would charm her socks off, and she’d fall madly in love.

She had a little bit of trouble when that part actually came, though.

The day Alya had planned to come over, Marinette was up at dawn. She cleaned her room, then messed it up again–just a little, so the neatness didn’t look forced. She made muffins, then realized she could have just asked her parents to bring something up, because they didn’t rise as much as they should have and surely Alya would expect better from a bakers’ house. She brushed her teeth at least three times, got dressed twice, and spent the next few hours sitting nervously at her desk.

She’d texted her best friend when she got up, desperate for any kind of advice, but he didn’t get back to her until she’d already been sitting and working herself into a worry for hours. 

okay, so I did some research

what do you mean “research”

basically I rewatched a lot of anime last night

oh my god adrien no

listen you are going to be so smooth you both just gotta stick to this script

hold on I’ll email it to you

Marinette pulled up her email on her computer and clicked the newest message from Adrien. The attachment automatically opened when she clicked it, but she only had a few seconds to skim it before–

omg alya’s here what do I do

be cool. stick to the plan. you got this.

sounds fake and I think I’m about to die but okay thank you ily and if you never hear from me again I want pink carnations at my funeral

Marinette’s father called down for her to receive her guest, and she scrambled to look composed as she rushed down the stairs.

“Hey, Alya. Come on upstairs.”

Upstairs, where the results of Adrien’s “research” was still displayed on her computer screen. This was something she didn’t realize until Alya sat down at her computer and asked, “Oh, are you writing a movie?”

Marinette blushed so hard she thought her ears would fall off. “Uh, n-no! That’s just something I’m, uh, working on with my friend. Um, Adrien, of course you know Adrien. Yeah. We’re just friends. N-not dating or anything. Ha ha. I don’t know, a lot of people seem to think that, sorry. But, yeah, just, um–friends.”

“Oh. Cool!” 

Alya didn’t give the computer screen a second glance and unpacked her bookbag, and Marinette cursed her paranoia. She quickly clicked out of the document and pulled up a new one. She turned back to Alya, knocking several neatly-arranged pencils off her desk in the process.

“So, where did you want to–oh, shoot.” She slithered out of her chair and fumbled on the floor, trying to quickly scoop them up and save some semblance of grace. Marinette hopped back up onto her chair and smiled. “Sorry. Where did you want to start?”

Alya tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Actually, I already have all the data typed up. Do you mind if I log into my email so I can get it?”

Marinette scooted out of the way. “Yeah, no! Go ahead!”

While Alya was typing away on her computer, Marinette fished for her phone.

Yeah it’s true I’m dying

I just knocked over like my entire desk

This is not smooth Adrien what do I do

Okay wait I have a solution for that

Next time you drop something, just leave it

Establish dominance

Girls find it attractive when you don’t care about the consequences of your mess

Did plagg tell you to write that

That’s ridiculous

My room is spotless

Plus what if I hit her in the face or something

I think she saw your email btw

She’s onto me

Time 2 die

Adrien why aren’t you answering me I’m going to die do you not understand that

Alya turned back to Marinette, who quickly turned her phone screen off. “Done! Did you want to look it over?”

“Um, sure!” Marinette put her phone down on the desk and pulled her chair closer, trying to focus on the numbers and tables with Alya right next to her.

“Um, didn’t you want your–?”

“Notes! Yep, those would help,” Marinette laughed awkwardly. She bent down to dig her science folder out, wincing all the while, and popped back up brightly. “Okay, let’s see…”

She saw something flash out of the corner of her eye, and realized that she’d forgotten to place her phone facedown, and Adrien was finally texting her back. Alya noticed it, too.

Okay, here’s what you do

Next time you mess something up, just say something like, “sorry I can’t think straight” and wink

Or even better, something like “wow looks like I’m not the only thing falling for you”

Alya will be so seduced

Marinette snatched her phone away and shoved it in her pocket, praying that Alya hadn’t read any of the texts. She turned back to the homework, trying to act as if nothing was amiss. 

Alya laid a hand on Marinette’s forearm. Her hands were really soft. And warm. And not sweaty at all. Marinette couldn’t relate.

Marinette turned her head–almost directly into Alya’s face. “Oh, God. S-sorry.”

Alya smiled in exasperation. “Don’t be.” She leaned in further, closing the gap between them and pressing a short, soft kiss to Marinette’s lips. Marinette was frozen, but on the inside she had melted a thousand times. She was faintly aware that she might have squeaked, or apologized, or murmured a thank you, and really hoped that Alya didn’t notice.

Alya pulled away and gave Marinette another lazy smile. “Tell Adrien you appreciate his advice, but it’s really much too slow to get a girl like me.”

The Warmth of Your Hand

Some brief moments and glimpses of figure skater Adrien Agreste’s life growing up.

Birthday One-shot for the one, the only @qookyquiche!! Happy Birthday!!!! hope you had a fabulous birthday and that you rocked your presentation!!

(ao3 link)

She asked for it, and for some reason I made it a figure skating//hockey AU BECAUSE OF REASONS – but here you are my dear: A Childhood Friends AU (seriously tho, look at her cute childhood fluff art, LOOK AT ALL HER ART!!! ITS AMAZING!!)

Also this falls into Adrienette month, so I’m tagging it as a late day 12 prompt!! Enjoy!

Adrien couldn’t remember the first time he walked. Sure his parents had shown him the pictures and the slightly out of focus videos of him as a toddler taking his first steps, but he was much too young to remember such events.

The first time he placed his foot on this ice, though, well that he remembered.

When he stepped on the ice, for that first time, his small mitten-clad hand was held firmly in the warm caress of his mother’s. She stared down at him with a bright beaming smile as together they caught their balance on the slippery rink surface.

Of course they also had video of this too. His father had watched from the stands, recording the whole adventure as Adrien clutched onto his mother for dear life. She skated backwards with ease, her two hands holding Adrien’s as she pulled him along, taking them both gliding across the ice. In the video footage you could hear Gabriel’s deep, soft laugh as he watched his wife and son clumsily make their way around.

Years, later watching those videos were one of the few pieces Adrien would have left of the family he once had. One where his mother was there, holding his hand and his father was present and smiling.

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anonymous asked:

Wait, American here. What's happened? Why are we fighting with the Australians. Everyone knows not to fight with the Australians, they're our allies ffs. Oh god, he's going to start WW3.

G’DAY MATE LEMME SORT THAT OUT FOR YA. Scroll to the bottom for a TL;DR.

*Clears throat* #auspol, please correct me if I’m wrong on this, I’m just repeating what my mother told me and I’ve read absolutely nowhere about the Central American refugees thing, so let me know if I’ve totally cocked this one up.

Right. Before we get started, lemme tell you about Australia’s version of the Mexican Wall (detention centres! Human rights violations for everybody!), and how this relates to Trump throwing a tantrum on twitter and Malcolm Turnbull either being the most unimpressed politician ever or the biggest doormat ever, depending on who you ask.

See, the big issue in Australian politics (when it’s not the annual Leadership Spill) is the People On Boats.

Because of that whole “island nation” thing, we don’t have people fucking over here over the border because our border’s the fucking ocean, so they have to get on a goddamn boat to do it. To get on the boats, they pay people smugglers, go across a few countries, then get on more boats (possibly not in that order, I don’t know, I don’t have a bachelor’s degree in this), and then wind up here.

There’s a couple of problems with this, “AAAAAH BROWN PEOPLE!!!” from the racists in the peanut gallery notwithstanding:

Problem #1 – People smugglers know that those boats are one-way-trip only, so they give refugees the shittiest possible boats they can. Every now and then, one springs a leak earlier than intended. (Yes, “earlier than intended”, more on that in a tick.) So every now and then we’ll see on the news that the navy found an empty boat or one full of corpses or answered a distress call only to find no boat at all. Either way, refugees can and have died to get here – either as an accident, or as a tragic consequence of – 

Problem #2 – I don’t know the specifics, but the Australian navy, when it intercepts boats, is… I don’t know if they’re supposed to somehow turn the boats back, all I know is that they can’t let the refugees on board.

Unless the boat is in distress.

The solution to that? Blow a hole in the boat.

IDK if this still happens, or if this is just my Liberal mother filtering it, but what I’ve heard is that the only way the refugees can get rescued by the navy is if they’re in danger. So the refugees sabotage their own boat, and the navy has to rescue them.

As you can imagine, sometimes this doesn’t go as intended. Sometimes the navy’s too late, or someone slips – there’s families on board those shitty boats. People’s children have died.

Anyway, because of problem #1 and #2, there’s a real risk of people dying. Now, look, a lot of people who don’t want refugees here are just plain racist and could actually hardly care less about drowning refugees, and all of this could be solved by the navy just rescuing them anyway before the refugees are desperate enough to kick a hole in the hull, but fact of the matter is, there’s people profiting off the life savings of vulnerable people, greasing the wheels of corruption and putting people in danger, all the while promising that they’ll get settled in Australia if they remember to blow a hole in their own ship.

and then we stick them in a detention centre for years or more anyway.

So basically, all Australian politics ever talks about is Stopping the Boats (or not stopping the boats).

So somebody – IDK if this was the Lizard King or Turnbull’s idea, or even Obama’s. But at some point, Aussie politicians made a deal with Obama.

And, again, correct me if I’m wrong because the only source for this is my Liberal (as in, right-wing Liberal) mother, and I’m too lazy to google, and have heard nothing about this anywhere else, but – 

The idea is that we’d swap refugees. America gets our refugees, and we get Central American refugees. Two thousand, I think. I expect that’s just to start off with because I would’ve heard about it earlier if this was a thing that had been going on for a while. Either we end up with a few hundred extra refugees or it’s one for one, I don’t know, all I know is that it was two thousand on each side or less.

Anyway, this is win-win! 

  1. People smugglers (hopefully) get less business because it’s kind of bad for business if you tell your clients they’ll go to Straya and they wind up drawing a short straw and winding up in Murica instead. (Word gets around, refugees find this stuff out so the people smugglers could only bluff for so long.)
  2. People who are genuinely concerned about refugees not drowning are soothed because hopefully less refugees coming = less drownings.
  3. Closet racists have to deal with brown people anyway and have no choice but to shut the fuck up or out themselves as actual racists.
  4. People who are all for accepting refugees will be satisfied as the refugees get to go to a better life than the one they left behind anyway.
  5. Basically the Australian government probably thinks it’ll get some peace and fucking quiet from all sides, when in reality we’ll just move on to marriage equality.

Now, again, I don’t know if this is actually what it is or not. I live in a Liberal (ie Republican, not left wing like it means in the States) household. I’ve never even seen left wingers here talk about people smugglers so I don’t even know how much of that is or isn’t true.

Whatever it is, we were supposed to ship a bunch of refugees over to the States and then the Carrot’s ass got elected, started going on about banning muslims etc and Washington DC Canberra went, “Oh, fuck.”

So! Turnbull, our PM, called Trump or vice versa to chat about it.

Then Turnbull told Straya that the deal was going ahead and that he Stood Up For Australia during this phone call. 

Australia went, “umm…. sounds fake but ok” because we’re Australian, not stupid, we got more coverage about the last US election than we do about all our elections ever combined. We know perfectly damn well that you either stand up to Trump or you get your own way, not both.

Then the Washington Post leaked what actually happened on that phone call a few days ago and now the Australian media is losing its shit.

What happened?

Apparently Trump went on about his penis size inauguration crowds, pitched a fit about the deal and how he “intended” (note the wiggle room that word gives you) to follow through on the deal, called that phone call with Turnbull “the worst” phone call he’d had that day (yes, to Turnbull’s “face”), and then hung up on him 25 minutes in out of the hour that call was supposed to take.

The Washington Post leaked it a few days later, and the Australian media lost its shit.

And after the Washington Post leaked it, Trump (ETA: oops, fixed that error, it was definitely Trump!) complained publicly on twitter that the whole deal was “dumb” and implied he was gonna try get out of it.

Australian media lost its shit again.

Now, regardless of your opinions of Turnbull – I think the guy actually did stand up to Trump. (I shouldn’t have said that out loud on tumblr, that’s like the Australian equivalent of saying “well I heard Trump petted a dog once?”) He can be a bit of a people pleaser and seems to be pretty laid back rather than go-for-the-throat. Or so I’m guessing because political news has been a lot quieter since the Lizard King was deposed.

But look, first off, we’re fucking Australians. We despise rank, it’s in our blood, our ancestors were convicts who wanted (and frequently tried) to shank their British overlords. Ranks are formalities on paper that should stay on paper. You wouldn’t even dream of the President of the US making chitchat with, say, a garbage disposal man, but in Australia if we found out our PM didn’t treat one as his equal we’d lose our fucking minds at the politician’s arrogance. Unless the garbage person was brown, because at the end of the day, Australia is p damn racist. Even the biggest doormat of a PM would have their inner Australian chomping at the bit the second Trump so much as insinuated he was more important than them. 

And come on, even people who live under rocks just know how big Trump’s ego is and how long Trump can be expected to go before he insinuates someone is beneath him even a little bit.

Secondly, the American pro-Trump media is implying that Turnbull pissed Trump off because they spun it as “well, Trump’s other phone calls went fine!”

And thirdly, I really don’t think a manchild like Trump would hang up the phone on someone unless that person was acting with a sliver of self-respect. Like hell, Turnbull could breathe too loudly and Trump’d be offended.

But then, Turnbull might’ve stood up to him and still been a doormat by our standards, because he is not telling the media his side of the story. At all. Probably because he doesn’t want to piss off Pence whoever winds up in charge after Trump goes, because at the end of the day, sucking up to the States is a sport that’s even more popular than our annual leadership spills.

Also, Australians hate politicians in general, so we’d probably call Turnbull a doormat if he bought a plane ticket and pissed on Trump’s hair personally, so.

TL;DR – Washington Post leaked that Trump humiliated our PM over the phone and now Australia’s going “Oooooh, shots fired!”

GOT7′s reaction to you graduating from college

Awww thank you @hear-the-dokidoki for being my first request EVER! :D Please go check out my friends writings, she’s so good at it!! And I think I’m gonna suck because who knows whether I’m good at making those in English or not…aaaaah… but I’ll try my best! ENJOY!

xoxo Kachu


He sees you walking down the stage with your graduation papers in your hands and a wide smile spread across your face. Finally, you’ve graduated and he’s so happy for you because he knows how hard you’ve worked and how stressed out you’ve been on some days. As you approach him, still smiling like the happiest kid on earth, he wraps you in his loving arms while planting a kiss to your cheek. “You’ve done it, Jagi! I’m so proud of you!”, he whispers while he nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck. Expect him to treat you for dinner and a lot of cuddles in the evening!

(look how happy he is for you)

Originally posted by jibeom


You’ve just received your graduation papers and are looking for your boyfriend, Jaebum. Suddenly you’re being wrapped and spun around in his strong arms, his scent making your senses go dizzy and awakening the butterflies in your stomach. He, then, gives you a huge bouquet of roses while planting a sweet kiss to your lips. “I love you Jagi, I know you could do it!” It’s a bit hard for him to show you how proud he really is, but seriously, though, it makes him SO proud.

Originally posted by igotsxven

ignore Mark


Jackson is so hyper about you graduating, it seems like it’s his own graduation. As you were walking back to him you could already hear him shouting in your direction. “Listen guys! Do you see this girl, walking right up to me? Yes, this is my Jagiya and she’s just graduated! (then he’s adressing you now) I’m so proud of you Babe, you’re just my smart little Jagi, I love you so much!!!” And then he’d hug you for ages while showering you with kisses of affection. This boy is going to treat you like a princess (as if he hasn’t already done that before) and making sure everyone is going to be informed that you, indeed, graduated.

(just telling Junior about the news of you graduating)

Originally posted by jypnior


He’ll embrace you in a tight hug, tellling you over and over again how happy he is for you and how proud he is and how much he loves you. He’ll plaster kisses all over your face while grinning to himself, loving the thought of having such a smart girlfriend by his side. He’ll then take you out on a nicely set up candle-light-dinner to celebrate this special day with you.

(showering you with hearts and kisses)

Originally posted by got7--af


This cutiepie is definitly going to turn into a smiley little kid, with his smile being brighter than the sun. You’ll see him standing near the stage, waiting for you with a beautifully wrapped present. As you approach him, he’ll give you the present and then embrace you lovingly. After he gently kissed your lips he’s going to sing you a short, little song he’s composed especially for you. “I love you so much jagi!”

(look at this cutie aww)

Originally posted by jackseunie


dabs until his arms fall off *weird hyper BamBam mode activated* he’s gonna jump around like a high-schooler, not believing that you really did graduate. He’s so happy that he almost forgets about you while trying to control his feelings. Though, he’ll be so affectionate towards you and really makes you feel all of his love and support for you. He’s always helped you through long study sessions and is so happy for your success. “That’s my jagi!”

Originally posted by got7ish

I’m sorry I had to. blame dabdab


Our tall maknae is going to make sure you’re being treated exceptionally well today. First, he’ll probably hug and kiss you, giving you a big heart-shaped box full of chocolates and then, he’ll take you home where all of your friends and family members are already gathered around in your backyard for your graduation party. You’re going to be so surprised and happy because he set that all up for you. Later that night, you’ll be slowly dancing to a cute love song, while he’ll whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

Originally posted by yugyeomism

(He’s killing me aaaaaah my got7 bias…help..)

note: gifs aren’t mine. Credit goes to the rightful creators

A/N: you can send in requests if you guys want, whether it’s a scenario, imagine, reaction, mtl or whatever^^ I’ll be doing boy groups such as Got7, Exo, Seventeen and BTS. xoxo 

butterflies-and-cats  asked:

I don't know about you but I am very worried about Todd right now. Will anyone believe him about his pararibulitus now? Will Dirk? Will he be able to rescue Dirk or will Farah have to do it alone? I am very worried about this. How will he afford his medication? Will he even want it after what he did? Farah could pay but that's not fair. Aaaaah what's going to happeeeen (I wanted to tell someone but I didn't know who, and I thought you'd understand.)

I’m hoping against hope that Dirk Gently season two opens with Todd being honest with Farah and Amanda. I know that decent character development doesn’t preclude going backwards sometimes and it’s theoretically possible that he’ll just keep it under wraps the entire time, but a huge part of his character arc in season one was learning to be honest with the people in his life even if it painted him in a bad light. I can see why he wouldn’t want to tell Farah (because he doesn’t want to be seen as a burden during Operation Save The Psychic Murder Beans) or tell Amanda (because she’s got her own shit to deal with and she shouldn’t have to deal with his, not now) but I’m hoping that he learns from the utter shitstorm he created in season one and decides to start anew.

At the end of episode eight Amanda tells him that “two weeks ago, you were a 33-year-old bellhop with no friends who spend all of his time lying to me. Now look at you. You’re the badass partner to a psychic detective, and you’re honest”. Amanda knows what’s up. For all that she still hates Todd, she recognizes that he’s made an effort to be a better person. Being with Dirk made him a better person. I don’t know how I’d feel if season two had him revert back to his old tricks.

And yeah, I’m actually super-optimistic about the chances of Dirk and the other holistic murder beans being able to see pararibulitis attacks because a. the comics confirmed that at least Dirk can (and the comics are done by the same creative team as the television series) and b. there’s technically not been any evidence in season one that they can’t (Dirk was only around for the drumstick attack in episode one and it’s possible that he didn’t see details, only Amanda’s response, while the Rowdy 3′s reaction to the episode five attack with the baseball bat suggested that they could tell the “injury” was in her hands). Nothing is confirmed or denied either way, but my fingers are crossed.

And I’m hoping that Todd’s involved in the Blackwing breakout, just because there’s so much potential for either angst (Todd and the rest of the mystery squad getting more of Dirk’s backstory, seeing what the CIA was capable of, Dirk being in a pretty terrible state but only caring that he managed to save Todd’s Mexican Funeral shirt) or fluff (emotional reunions, Dirk realizing that he has people willing to risk their lives to make sure that he’s safe, Amanda taking out security cameras with a baseball bat, the entire mystery squad punching Friedkin in the nose).

Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol. 3
Subaru (CV. Kondo Takashi) & Kou (CV. Kimura Ryohei)
Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol. 3

Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol.3 // Subaru vs. Kou Translation

(。「´-ω・)ン  Heyyo sinners~! Subaru and Kou are like my favorite rivals in the series. So! I decided to take a crack at translating their versus.  (๑꒪▿꒪)*    Aaaaah. This is my first DL CD translation and I’m not too confident when it comes to audio translating. So please go easy on me haha.  

  ʅฺ(・ω・。)ʃฺ  As for other versus translations, there’s a good chance I might give Shu and Yuma a go. Doo bap da dop~~ ♪♫

The audio is the entire CD. ヽ(・ω・ゞ) After a track finishes, you will hear a quick ding. If you’d prefer to download the CD, then here’s a link. Rest of the tracks are after the read more.

╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑  I enjoyed the CD and I hope you do too!

Track 01: Invitation To A Party

Subaru: Sigh, that damn guy. To send us an invitation? Just what is he thinking? I’m not in the mood to go.Kch! *starts ripping the invite* Ggh! *rip* Hegh. Ahh. Damn it! The old man’s power really pisses me off. He doesn’t even need to be here to irritate me. And her! Pisses me off how she always accepts this crap so readily!  What a pain.

Keep reading

Undercover King

Every week, we follow the boss of a different organization as they go undercover, and figure out what’s really happening. Are things going as they seem? Or is someone keeping a secret from the chief? You’re watching Undercover Boss: Castle Krakenburg.

King Garon sat on his throne, scowling.

This is King Garon, the current monarch presiding over the kingdom of Nohr. Right now they’re fighting a war to conquer the land of Hoshido and bring glory to the homestead.

Garon stepped out of a closet, dressed as a butler, with no crown, wearing one eyepatch, and with his hair styled into a ponytail.

Today, Garon will go undercover as a butler named Ryan.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello! Could I please ask for Hanamiya adjusting to domestic life with his s/o, perhaps with a baby on the way too? Thank you! (iF YOUR ASK ISNT OPEN IM SO SORRY PLEASE IGNORE ME)

Aaaaah, this is gonna be so good to write, Anon, I love this one! (MY ASK IS OPEN PLEASE SEND MORE!) Here goes an awkward Hanamiya! (〃^ω^)ノ I took more time on this one, since while Murasakibara is my favourite KNB character, I love writing for Hanamiya the most, so I enjoyed this a lot and it ended up being the longest story on this blog yet. Teru can’t be tamed.(。・ω・。) Heads up that there is a lot of swearing!

It was nearly driving him mad.

It wasn’t like Hanamiya had never shared his living space with anyone - obviously, he used to live with his family most of his life. However, after he moved out on his own when he had started university at the age of 18, he got completely used to being nearly always alone in his flat - because rule number 1 was: no one except him and his mother could ever walk inside over that threshold. No parties were ever hosted. No acquaintances were ever invited. No visitors. No studying together. 

And, above of all, no relationship shit was absolutely allowed in, one night stand or not.

So how he, at 27, ended up in this situation was beyond his comprehension.

… well, no, not quite.

Keep reading

Random funny stories from various Soraru + Mafumafu namahousou (part 1)

Hey! So I’m bored and thought I’d go back and translate some funny/interesting/really cute stories from these two in streams from the previous months. The theme of these appears to be “Soraru is a giant baby” www. Some of these (if not all of them?) have probably been translated before? But I’m too lazy to spend time looking for them haha, so here we are. Edit: There’s only 2 in this part but there will be more tomorrow from other streams, I just decided to post these tonight since I was done. Enjoy :)

Keep reading

Next Door Playboy

Part 2

Jeon Jungkook - You

Genre: Fluff/Suggestive Themes

Word count: 1,158

A/N: I am back! ^^ Please don’t ask for another part, I might write it if I feel like it should continue but for now I am satisfied…. Anyways  Heize - Shut Up & Groove (Feat. DEAN) is what I listened as I wrote this so….

>Part 1<

Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing, says Peter’s Law number 17 of the Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive.

A blessing for who? Is it for the one who is persistent or for the one whom they are trying to persuade?

“Open up! I know you are in there!”

I don’t know about that, but it is definitely not a blessing for an outsider who had to listen the one sided conversation for almost half an hour.

So when I got the phone call that was asking, more like begging, for help, my job as an outsider was turned upside down and I was forced to become an active participant rather than an observer.

Spare keys, the black cap and phone.

Leaving the window open, out from the fire exit right next to apartment and back inside from the front door.


I was afraid it would become a habit.

“Excuse me?” I asked as the woman continued to hit the door “What are you doing in front of my house?”

She turned around with a mad look on her face, her small red bag dangling on her shoulder, her skirt short enough to show the tattoo near her hips, a mesmerizing shape.

“What?” she asked using the same tone she was using a minute ago “Who are you?”

“I should be asking you that.” I said furrowing my brows “Do I know you?”

She looked confused for a few seconds and stumbled back, clearly intoxicated. “No?” she replied in a questioning manner.

“Then why are you trying to break my door?”

I could see my words were settling in as her face flushed a bright shade of pink.

“I thought this house belonged to him. Are you his new girlfriend?” she asked a few seconds later, this time a little bit annoyed.

“Who? Sweetheart I have been living in this house more than three years and as far as I know, alone.” I replied taking out the spare keys “Are you sure you are fine?” Her eyes closed and opened slowly as she shook her head.

Well even if she was, after I treated her like she was some kind of lunatic she wouldn’t be on her best condition.

“I am so sorry.” She bowed and turned towards the stairs “I probably got the wrong building.”

“It is okay. Bad day?”

“You have no idea.” She replied smiling slightly as she climbed down the stairs.

“It’s late, don’t walk around at this hour.” I said behind her back “Take a taxi!”

“Will do!” I heard her reply before opening the door and getting in.

My hands searched for the light switch inside the dark room that was illuminated by the city lights that came through the window without a curtain, only to come in contact with a body.

With a yelp I turned around and hit the man, which was standing behind me, lightly.

“You scared the shit out of me!”

“Is she gone?” he asked as he walked towards the couch, chuckling. “Don’t open the lights. I like it when it’s dark.”

“You owe me another one.” I said following him.

Remember when I told that I was afraid it would become a habit? ‘It’ being me coming to rescue when he was having a girl problem, every other week.

He would come home drunk, with lipstick stains and hickeys in the middle of the night, his clothes messy, sometimes torn and he wouldn’t leave the home next day.

Sometimes one of his countless lovers came, searching answers for questions that were never asked in the first place.

And that is when he would call me, begging for me to pretend and save him.

It was a routine now, one that stopped a few months ago, to my pleasure. But apparently they started again.

“It wasn’t me this time.” He replied, laying down “She is a girl one of my class mates had a thing with.”

“Care to explain why she was here than?”

“You see,” he started tearing his gaze away from the ceiling and patting the place next to his head for me to sit “I am such a great friend and I let him use the house while I was away. I don’t know what happened between them though. You know I stopped playing around.”

I knew that.

After almost a year of us being close friends I knew that. I just didn’t know why.

He was more quite now, woke up earlier, came back to home right after school and I even caught him studying one time. He was playing the nice guy for the past month or so and even though it felt different I liked the change.

“Why didn’t you open the door and explain this to her?” I asked as I sat down on the couch and not beside him. He shrugged rather than replying with a disappointed look on his face.

“But hey, you are here now.” He smiled “Should we watch something?”

“Jungkook I have to finish my project.” I replied with a sigh.

He looked at me with defeated eyes and a cute pout.

“Oh come on, we can’t see each other these days anyway, just stay for a couple of hours.”

“Hmm what is that, looks like the infamous bad boy, Mr. I-don’t-need-friends-as-long-as-I-have-a-fun-night missed me. Is that why you wanted me to come here and help?”

“For the record I like spending time with my friends.” He scoffed “But keep on dreaming love.”

For the first time that night I thanked the stars he wasn’t able to see my expression clearly due to the dark environment after I heard the pet name.

“Anyway.” I got up “If this is all and you won’t create another problem for tonight, I am out.”

“No promises.” He smiled “But are you free tomorrow?”

“I have classes in the morning, I am free after noon.”

“Let’s visit that new Chinese restaurant down the road.” He followed me to the door as I slipped my shoes on.

“Sure.” I replied going out to the empty apartment corridor, only to stop for a few seconds, trying to understand if I heard him right or not, before coming to my senses as he closed the door behind my back, laughing.

“It is a date then.”

Aaaaah young love…..said the 19 year old….

So what do you guys think? Was it good?? I might or might not write a part 3 for this but even if I do it will not be in near future so please don’t ask me about it ^^

Though I am thinking about making a Boy Next Door series for BTS…Should I?

Well if you guys could give me feedback I would be grateful!

Please know that English is not my first language so if you see a mistake you can message me privately.

The story is mine. Do not copy without my permission.

Anyway thank you for reading. Have a nice day!


anonymous asked:

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! excited you are also watching yuri on ice! Any chance you would do a crossover prompt???? *puppy eyesx10000000*

Aaaaah!!! I’m excited as well and I have at least 3 ideas at the top of my head but I’ll got with something quick and easy.

(Timelines are a thing I laugh at, so don’t think too much on that!)


Yuuri kept staring at the ceiling, his second week of retirement had not even started and he was restless already.

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Viktor and Makkachin slept peacefully next to him, and Yuuri couldn’t help himself from smiling at the sight.

It was hard to believe Viktor had been his coach for two years, so much had happened in that short period of time, it still felt like he was dreaming sometimes.

With Viktor as his coach, Yuuri had actually reached the Grand Prix podium twice. First for a silver medal and finally just two weeks ago, for a gold one.

And Yuuri was sure that if his knee had not started to give him troubles, they could have done it again. But Viktor had been very clear that he would not coach Yuuri if it meant risking an injury and Yuuri understood, he really did.

He was just… so… bored.

And it wasn’t just him, Viktor was clearly struggling as well. He wanted to continue coaching, but despite having countless of people desperate to hire him, he wasn’t interested in coaching just anybody.

As a result Viktor had become more quiet and prone to stare into the distance with a distracted air. Yuuri knew that if Viktor could just pick a new protege to coach and mentor…

His phone buzzed, and he distractedly reached out to see the message.

‘OMG!!! You have to watch this!’

Phichit, so probably just another funny video.

He muted his phone and clicked the link. His interest level rose a bit when he saw a blond kid take position in the middle of the ice.

His eyes widened when he recognised the routine. It was his routine! The one that had finally got him the Grand Prix gold medal. Slowly Yuuri sat up, eyes widening as he watched the blond skater avidly.

The quality of the video footage was not the greatest, but it was undeniable that the skater not only had raw talent, but that something extra that could turn a performance and give it that something to make it transcend into more.

“History has a funny way of repeating itself, doesn’t it?” an amused voice whispered in his ear.

Startled, Yuuri dropped his phone, but Viktor deftly caught it and started the video again. He idly rested his chin on Yuuri’s shoulder as they both silently watched the video over and over again.

Yuuri finally broke the silence, “Is he actually wearing-”

“Hockey skates? He is.”

“I can’t believe he is managing all the jumps and footwork! Just imagine what he could do with proper skates!”

“I don’t want to imagine it,” Viktor said with a familiar spark on his eyes. “I wanna see it.”

Yuuri smiled excited to see Viktor act like his normal self, “so I guess we are going to America?”

“We are,” said Viktor starting the video again, “I can’t wait for us to meet Eric Bittle!”


Bitty is like 15 here, and has just moved to Madison/stopped figure skating in favour of hockey but Viktor and Yuuri show up and start coaching him and rekindle his passion for it, then they take him to bigger/international competitions while also totally being supportive gay mentors.

And then at 18 Bitty still goes to Samwell for college and they still tag along as his coaches, and the hockey team has to deal with sharing ice space with an Olympic gold winner and his eccentric coaches.

Jack is at first not amused, but then he talks to Bitty and suddenly he is a lot more amicable to the whole thing.

Bitty starts coaching Jack on how to improve his speed, while Jack teaches him how to play hockey. Something Bitty never completely lost interest in.

Viktor and Yuuri are slightly horrified when they finds out Bitty is sneaking off for checking practice with Jack at 4am, but they trust Bitty to take care of himself and not get injured.

Still there’s some overprotective big brother feelings to sooth.

“He is a bad influence! Tell him Viktor!”

“I agree with Yurio, Eric you cannot see this boy anymore.”

“We were just watching a World War II documentary in the living room.”

“I don’t trust that fucker! He is Canadian just like that JJ asshole!”

“And he ate all the pie!”

“Y'all are ridiculous, I can just make another.”

“Oh that’s alright with me then, use protection!”