I didn’t think I’d use my tumblr again any time soon, but something happened that I wanted to memorialise.
Some years ago I had a quite bad problem with drinking, due to all sorts of things and the lack of coping mechanisms in my own life. It was in 2012 that I stumbled over an interview with Daniel Radcliffe in which he bravely and openly talked about his own addiction. It was this interview that gave me the courage to go to my first ever AA meeting in early 2013.
Yesterday I got to tell him that. I don’t want to forget this memory, for the moment when (and it will happen) all goes to shit and I find myself anywhere near a bottle and with spirits too low to fight the good fight, because this was one of the best things that have ever happened to me.
I hung back a bit, so I wouldn’t discuss something like this in front of too many fans, for both of our sakes, and eventually there he was, and there I was, shaking and mumbling and completely idiotic.
Things I imagined would happen: A polite response. A hug. A “Good luck, stay strong” kind of moment.
What actually happened. His face lighting up like an actual Christmas tree. The two of us high fiving each other when we exchanged success stories (Sober again after downfalls from last year for myself and him going strong for four years now, hell yes man!!!!!!). Him being genuinely interested and invested, asking and asking and letting me have a moment and allowing me to ask in return.
Something else I realised, due to something he said at the very beginning of our encounter, was this: It’s true that I am the one lifting the heavy weight, I am working the programme and attending meetings, and thus I get to take the credit. Yes, I agree 100%. But inspiration and timing matters, and both are vital in certain moments in our life.
Do I think I would never have gone to an AA meeting if it hadn’t been for me reading this interview at this particular moment in my life? No. I hope I would have found my way back either way at some point. But it wouldn’t have been at that precise moment, and that matters. The timing gave me more good days with my daughter, more good days working and enjoying life, rather than losing myself in the haziness of an addiction.
So yes, I believe that people like Daniel Radcliffe, who speak out and share their struggles publicly, get to take credit too.
So, I am sharing this photo that was taken by a kind stranger I met in the queue, to remind myself that someone else was proud of me for making right choices day after day.