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I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all round obnoxious asshole that anyone could have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy, so if I didn’t understand that I was being asked to be best man it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend. And certainly not the best friend of the bravest, kindest, wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.