007 Headcanon: The Seduction of Q
Everyone thinks that Bond is the one who sees Q and decides, “yes, that cute boffin there, I want that” while Q obliviously goes about his life clueless to the agent’s attempts at wooing–because Q’s a lot of things, but Bond’s usual brand of tea he is not.
In fact James Bond is literally the most oblivious dork when he’s off the clock. It’s like, if he’s not doing the seducing, he doesn’t notice? And that baffles the hell out of Q. Because Q has been trying for years to get 007′s attention and has been doing the lion’s work of the seduction.
Pretty sure it started with a look at 007′s smoldering obituary file pic and legend status: “yes, that ruggedly handsome 00 there, I want that. power couple goals.” Presumably Q has a hand in arranging his own meeting with 007, via Tanner, and chooses a museum on purpose. You know, if I want to be snarky, pretentious, and look really good doing it I’d pick a museum, too. Lots of things to be pretentious about, and truly excellent lighting.
The way Q throws Bond off his game in Skyfall and then damn near bats his eyes? Hard to miss, but Q considers that maybe the agent thinks he had something in his eyes. Or was just getting his nerd eyes adjusted to non-computer lighting? Q even talked about his pajamas. And exploding pens. Within moments after making 007 think Q was an art student looking for a bit of strange. Wtf, dude. Does he have to spell it out for him?
Probably. Bond’s been knocked out a lot. So Q:
- Rebuilds Bond’s beloved car
- Endangers his career at least twice, canonically
- Flies out to Austria to get him, despite a canonical fear of
- Mentions mortgage and cats, you know, in case Bond has a
kink for stable and well-adjusted
- Definitely starts dressing sharper
- Flirts awkwardly with Bond
- Makes him an exploding watch (not a pen but still not subtle)
- Is salty as a polite potato chip about Bond turning up with Dr. Swann at his hotel room
And let’s not even get started on this:
Actually, no, let’s. It’s my favorite. I can’t think of any other character in the entire franchise, besides maybe Dench!M who would be able to casually disarm Bond. And if she did, it would be more like classic Q grumpily snatching his sandwich back. Q doesn’t snatch or get grumpy. He just slides in close, wraps around the gun, and pulls it slowly from Bond’s grasp while basically looking Bond in the eye the whole time. Look, I’m super ace and slow on the uptake, but I’d totally get that message.
In sum, Bond’s not so much the seducer. Q is.