a-really-bad-day

do u ever wanna just be a corny 16 year old again and post a hundred pics on the internet of you reading books in various places because I do?? I’ve been reading a steady 100-150 pages a day this summer and that’s also with working full time and going to school?? no days off forever, but I feel better than I’ve felt in over a year and I think it’s because I’m reading more? I feel like books are a giant blanket I am wrapping myself up in. every morning lately when I wake up the first thought I have is about whatever I was reading before I went to sleep. it’s good to be corny about books on the internet I think. it’s good to have something I love this much. anyway, I felt really anxious all day today and had one of those Bad Days For No Reason and I cried a little bit in my car and I was scared to sleep alone but now I am curled up at 1am with my tiny book and I feel like it is the most reassuring hug on earth, like 100 angels whispering “it’s okay and it’s always been okay and it always will be” which is true and very good to hear from the universe. I wanna write a love letter to literature tbh.

I feel like luke would be really really cute and supportive if you had a bad day, he’d watch Netflix with you and make you dinner and rub his stubble on your cheek to tickle you.

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hey! uhm I’m summer I came out as pan about 3 or 4 years ago and luckily the people who know are super supportive. It’s a bit hard around family other than parents and my brothers. I’m not allowed to tell my grandparents or cousins because it could be really bad… but I’m super stoked that this day is a thing ! we exist!

I am enamoured of the colour of this dress and also how you almost can’t tell that I haven’t brushed my hair in 3 days and have had a couple of really bad trich setbacks. Silver linings and all that. #trichotillomania

TT

Today is a bad day.

A really bad day.
I hate about 99% of everything right now.
I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I feel bad.
I feel bad about myself, my looks, my body.
I hate where I’m living.
I hate living out of a car.
I hate moving.
I hate sweating.
I’m a brat and I’m miserable right now.
I want to go home.
I’m lonely.
I can’t even post this without it being seen back home. My blog is not a secret anymore. I don’t even know where home is.
Home is coming to me in three weeks and I have such anxiety about it.
I’m not really in a good place.
These mood swings so dramatically from day to day are very, very unlike me. It’s kinda scary.
I’m always positive. Now, I hate most everything and everyone.

Dads offering to cancel my contract & move me home.
Another Day

Another Day

beautifulblonde85 asked:

Hi!! I’m having really bad anxiety right now and I was wondering if you could do a reader and dean to the song another day by meat loaf a little angst and lots of fluff? Could the reader be dealing with that too? Thanks sweetie!! Your stories always help!! Love you lots!! 😘😘

A/N: This may upset some people.

Dean watched as she walked inside the bunker, his heart aching unsure of what to do. He knew it was getting bad for her. He knew she wasn’t coping. The signs where there, she was starting to worry about everything. It was a simple comment to begin with what if the credit card they tried to pay for the motel on got declined, what if the police car that drove past was looking for them, what if the reason Dean hadn’t answered the phone was because the Djinn they were hunting had got him. It all snowballed, the what if’s. He knew she was struggling.

Life for Y/N was apple pie and picket fences up until a few years ago. She was a suburban girl, loving parents a pretty little sister and overprotective big brother. She was popular; fashionable, she modelled for her Mum’s clothing store catalogues. Dean had met her then, they were both young every time he went through town and thanks to some round about planning it was quite a bit, they would meet up. She refused to date him then, he was gone too much. She didn’t want the strain, but it worked out for the better in the end. They got to know each other pretty well. A new thing for them both. She was always so happy and bubbly, she loved life and didn’t have a care in the world.

It changed not long after she turned 23, the first person she called was Dean. Her Mum was dead and her Dad missing. He watched as the anxiety of what happened took over, he sat at her place watching as she struggled to cope. He watched her knee constantly bounce, her hands always shifting. He looked at the scratches on her legs as they itched with her stress. His heart broke every time he spoke to her and her soft voice came out in a harsh tone. He stood by her though he knew this wasn’t easy.

It only got worse when the news came in that it as her Dad who killed her Mum. She collapsed crying, screaming. It didn’t seem right, not to either of them. Dean did some digging and found her Dad, dead in a sewer. He knew then what it was. A shape shifter, he told her then all about his life what he really did. Why he was gone. He watched that night as his sweet Y/N left behind her apple pie life and vowed to kill the monster that destroyed her family.

They found it too late, her brother and sister both killed. Dean killed the bastard that did this too her. He sat with her as she cried, he stayed by her for weeks as she struggled to function to move. He considered getting her help. But knew it was pointless. She was glad in the end that he never did, Dean was all she needed to get through it. The patience he had for her, the willingness to be strong when she was weak. It was what she needed.

Her breaking point was when someone called Dean, a demon was terrorising a small town. Y/N heard what was going on and vowed that day to never let anyone go through what she did. She followed Dean and became a hunter herself, Dean watched as she changed, while his girl was still there she was no longer all about fashion, lipstick and magazines. She was now about the family business; saving people, hunting things.

Overtime she got better, their relationship grew from friends to partners, lovers, soul mates and everything in between, he watched her smile and laugh again. He melted his heart to think she was back. It made him feel complete again seeing that smile or hearing her soft voice. He soon realised there was triggers that set it off, times that made it bad. And triggers that helped. He learn’t them, memorised them and used them. If he could see something that would set her off he would move hell and high water to avoid it. He never considered it a burden, he loved this woman more than life itself and this was nothing to him. No more work than making her a coffee. He got hopeful that she was coming back to him, the smiles, and the laughs at his stupid jokes. As she stopped to look during that moments hesitation as they passed a store. They were all signs of hope.

She loved him all the more for it. Some days she had no idea how much he did, what he did to avoid those triggers for her. Passing on a case that might be too much at that time, driving an extra 6 hours to avoid a town that brings back bad memories, keeping things tidy and clean in the boot, weapons organised so she felt ready for battle. That she could grab and go quickly. He did it all. She didn’t realised some days how much he worried. Some days it was days before she had fought back enough to focus on life again. The days in between when she lost it, when she collapsed to the floor crying, when he watched at she wrapped her arms around her chest trying to stop her heart from running away with the speed that it beat, or the panic over the small things.

He listened as she sat in the bath and cried, he sat on the other side of the door his own tears falling. Knowing nothing he did right now would make her feel better. He knew what she was doing, the same thing he was praying. She prayed a lot for help. It never came. But it never deterred her, she prayed every time. For her own healing, for Deans she knew how much this hurt him. But she couldn’t help it. She knew he wanted to fix it, to save her to fight her demons for her but he couldn’t. He helped but ultimately there was nothing he could do.

She sat in the bathroom crying into a now cold bath. This last case was a mess try as hard as they did and still that family died, still the poor 7 year old girl lived after watching that damn thing eat her family. Wendigo. That son of a bitch has ruined that girl’s life, a new wave of tears fell. What if they got there sooner? What if they hadn’t of stopped at the gas station for the drink and toilet break? What if they had of moved faster? All this could have prevented it. Now Y/N knew what she had to do, to get fitter, move faster, drive quicker. Next time she wont let it happen. Next time…. She started crying again there would always be a next time, she often wondered what life would be like if she hadn’t of lost her parents, would she still be who she was? Wearing latest fashions? Modelling? Helping her Mum in the store? Would she have ended up with Dean? The man who she loved more than life itself, the only one who brings light into the darkness, the only one who while he can’t bring that light permanently can calm her enough in the darkest moments to try and show her the light.

The tears falling into the water around her, the prayers being sent, Dean had enough. He couldn’t take it anymore. He opened the door, looking down at her. He climbed into the bath gasping at the cold water as it seeped through his jeans. He didn’t care about the clothes; the cold after the initial shock didn’t bother him. He pulled her back into his arms wrapping her up. Kissing her head. He held her while she cried. After a while, he pulled her out the bath. Wrapping her in a robe and carried her to bed. She had tried herself out. Stripping down and drying off he climbed in next to her, and held her tight. He felt her heart pounding. He knew she was going through things that they could have done, what if? He knew she was thinking about quitting, that she then would hate herself leaving people without help. He knew her mind was jumping from one thought to another and that she couldn’t focus on any one thing. That this was making things worse. He reached behind him and grabbed the stereo remote turning on her music, cranking it up to block out her thoughts. She started to tell him off, Sam would be trying to sleep by now. But Dean soothed her.
‘It’s ok Baby, he knows. He understands.’ He rubbed her back, running his hand through her wet tangled hair. She caved and snuggled in closed. Both knew she wouldn’t sleep for a few days, but it wouldn’t matter neither would Dean. Not until the worst was over.

During the worst of these she wonders how she still make it through, how she will wake tomorrow. So many times she actually thought she was having a heart attack, so many times she thought her heart would literally jump from her chest. That the pain in her body would actually kill her. But it never did, morning came and she was always still here.

Dean kissed her head, her forehead and then her lips. He missed his girl; he knew she would come back. It was just a matter of when. She would never be the girl he met all those years ago. No, but it didn’t matter, she was even more amazing now, more beautiful. She was stronger than anyone he knew, she was more amazing that any person alive. She battled this daily and won. Every second of every day she won. The fact that even in the darkest moments, she was still here made her a winner, a fighter. She sent him into awe again and again. That first smile she gave, the one that reached her eyes and showed even for a second that she was there still fighting made his heart flutter like a school boy.

He lent down and kissed her lips.
‘I love you baby. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, every day.’ He whispered kissing her again. She fell into a restless sleep waking as the clocked turned to 1 am she was grateful she had made it through another day.

hi tumblr, i’ve had a really stressful week but i’d like you to know that i’m relatively healthy and very happy, especially because i’ve seen hannah every day since thursday and that laura is finally here. anthony is leaving tomorrow and i’m gonna miss him so much but i’m so fucking happy i got to meet him because he is a huge goddamn dork. we all went and looked at the apartment today and picked our rooms. yesterday we shopped and bought hampers and bathroom stuff and a set of dishes from amvets in my favorite color. i have a tall boyfriend who is a huge cutie and has been really supportive of me even when i’m really tired and having a bad day. my friends are home and even though i haven’t seen them as much as i’d like, just knowing they’re around makes it all better. i love this life and i’m very thankful for everything i have. i hope i can stop feeling sick and sad soon, because everything is wonderful and terrifying.

Might not be able to answer as many as your asks for the next few days. Having a really bad health period. Love you all and see you soon. Keep the believe in swan queen tag alive for me xx

anonymous asked:

ian and mickey styling each other's hair in s4 when they had the same hair cut :)

:) ian sitting on the edge of the tub in the bathroom, sitting mickey down on the floor between his legs and being like “no no this is how i do it, it’s 100% better” and running his fingers through his bf’s hair bc tbh he really likes it and this hair styling thing is just an excuse :) mickey messing up his own hair really bad one day so one day when ian’s running late for work, mickey says he’ll do his hair for him to help speed things up & ian’s rly surprised but happy that mickey volunteered to do that, but mickey just totally fucks it up on purpose, making it look like that bad style he accidentally gave himself, so his bb looks less good bc he’s super jealous of the guys watching him at the club :) bbs getting dressed together and doing each other’s hair in the kitchen while they eat breakfast :) babies playing with each other’s hair tbh!! wtf!!

I’m starting to reach that point again where I’m okay with sitting on my bed and being on the internet for the majority of my day and that’s when things get really really bad and I’m honestly scared.

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the lovely zombeesknees tagged me to share two selfies, SO. On the left we have my last selfie of the epic road trip I took with edinburgh-dragon this past weekend (nothing, I repeat: nothing beats driving down the highway with the windows down and the music blasting). On the right, we have me at work today, utterly resigned to the sunburn I sustained on my poor nose this weekend and the pile of work I have to do in the next four days.

(aka: i’m really bad at looking at the camera when I take selfies because I inevitably just end up giggling) 

I’m probably supposed to tag people, but eh. Do it if you want!

So in my junior year of high school I was sitting in the school library taking the AP Calculus exam in late April/early May, whenever it was… I was just sitting there innocently trying not to fail this test and I shifted in my chair and I felt a shooting pain in my lower back. For the next few days, it was really bad and I still had to go to school and take other AP exams and we had a band concert and all this other stuff I had to do which made everything worse. But it hasn’t bothered me since and that was nine years ago. 

Until this morning. I’m doing relatively okay at work right now, but neither walking around the classroom nor sitting at my desk or on my stool in the front of the room is doing much to make the subtle pain go away and it’s just getting worse and I’m frustrated and unhappy. Here’s hoping it goes away soon because I don’t have the patience for this crap. 

So I guess the moral of this story is: Don’t take AP Calculus, kids.