a) he comes back

Do not spray a Kraken.

So this story takes place during the first Dnd campaign I joined, which is being run by my s/o. It’s still ongoing and in fact we’ve actually decided to go back in time a bit and insert extra story, so hopefully all of these tales I tell you will still remain canon, because they’re some of my favorites.

Also, prepare for a long and badly worded post…..Anyway:

So the basic plot so far of this campaign is that the players have to find and stop a former chaos deity (who’s now lost all sense of self) from wrecking the world while also trying to find a way to stop the inky black voidness that was its prison from spreading all over the world and killing everyone. Pretty straight forwards.

Except its dnd.

So this story happens still pretty early on in the campaign, I didn’t (and still don’t) know what to do ever, and my characters never actually did anything useful.

The way the dm decided to fix that?

Well first, he decided that there was going to be an incentive to go to an island. Okay cool. We get to go on a ship!

My characters are both cervitaurs. They’re deer centaur who have never seen the ocean much less been on it. So this was very very new to them, but luckily we found a nice but unusual captain to take us out to the island. (Despite the fact we all knew there was something destroying ships out there but hey, ‘consequences’ isnt in my character’s vocab)

So we head out on the ocean, and everything is fine.

Until its not.

The dm informs us that we hear a commotion above deck, that the sea suddenly gets rougher, and that stuff has gone to shit. So we go up on deck just in time to see tentacles shoot up through the bottom of the ship and thrash around.

Okay, not good. But hey maybe its just a giant squi-

Nope, nope it pulls itself up onto the deck, and shapeshifts itself into an ursula-looking-motherfucker.

Okay, we have a lady kraken onboard. This is fine. Everything is fine. Until she starts pounding on the crew and various npcs. Okay, not fine. Well obviously my characters are halfway convinced they’re about to die, but the brother suddenly has a bright idea.

He runs up to the kraken.

And he uses poison spray. In her face. Point blank.

My awkward plant son just used a cantrip against a kraken.

So the kraken blinks, and looks at him.

And she is Offended.

So she bitch slaps him and brings him down to like 2 hit points.

His spine is cracked by the slap and we all hear it correct itself as he runs back over to his sister. The poor sister can only look at him like “Brother why have you done this?”    

The Kracken decides to just kill them, so she just walks over (again ursula style) aaand-

Lightning-

Cut to black.

(We survive because it turns out the Dm just wanted me to do shit and this was his way of telling me to do it. We wake up on the island surrounded by the captain and crew, who I should mention, are all girls…….it turns out they’re…wlw ghost pirates. The sister had already (accidentally) flirted with all of them, so overall? A good session.)

I think it’s safe to say that after Justice League, any people (in the dc universe) with fucking brains are gonna be like ‘oh so Clark Kent is superman’ bc 1. they weren’t exactly fucking secretive about that shit yelling his fucking name and shit & 2. honestly the most obvious is the fucking fact that Clark Kent will suddenly be fucking alive again (esp at the same time as Superman was revived) like bitch ??? people don’t just get ??? resurrected ???? 

2

Do I need another reason?

10

Thinking you can’t do it yourself is one thing, but having someone else tell you that you can’t is irritating. —09.27; Happy Birthday Tsukishima Kei

2

stop…flirting

“So how do you feel knowing Voltron Season 4 starts in a week?”

All the Chantry’s candles couldn’t compete with the spark that’s in your eyes

“What are you thinking about, Alistair?”

“….uuuummm… Lamp posts, definitely.”