What The Darkness Says
Sitting at work you’re internally crying out for him.
Your mind is dark, and your body is going numb.
The darkness, it’s pulling you back.
It’s trying to drown you. Again.
The worst part?
As much as the numbness takes over, the panic does too.
Can people tell?
Do I have resting bitch face?
Do they hate me?
Oh god I’m such a fuck up at my job.
I knew that when I did that thing four years ago it would haunt me!
The darkness gets deeper.
See, you always fuck up.
Remember that last relationship?
Doesn’t matter what he did, you got him to that point.
You’re so broken why the hell would someone stay.
The numbness reaches to the depths of your mind.
You feel nothing.
The panic is gone.
The self hate is gone.
It’s just a black abyss.
That’s all you are, and it’s all you’ll ever be.
“Dean! Help! Please! I know I don’t deserve it but please!”
A small tiny voice in you screams as your body shuts down.
You don’t know when you will utter a word next.
You don’t know when you’ll shower again.
You don’t know when you’ll leave your bed again.
That voice gets quieter and quieter.
You want to sob, and scream, and weep.
But you can’t.
You’re so far into the black that you physically can’t.
Your eyes open, and there he is.
“I know you’re in there. I know there’s so much dark beating you down. But I’m going to fight through every bit of it to warm you with my light.”
You stare at him blankly.
“You’re in there, Y/N. And I’m going to fight like hell to get you out.”
The blackness whispers from its hold on your body.
It tells you he’s lying.
That he’ll give up in no time at all.
“Y/N, today starts the last day the voices and blackness destroy you. Today starts the day when I fight harder than I ever have before because you need a warrior. Just stay with me. Just respond as you can. Just know that I love you. No matter what the darkness says.”
Believe that you deserve to have someone fight through your darkness with their light. Believe that you deserve to have that kind of person. Believe me when I say that it’s incredibly hard to think that. But know that I believe you deserve it, whoever you are 💜