a year of my life wasted

hey guys! i’m mikey and i’m 19 years old from vancouver, bc! i am so excited for this group to take off, i’m a heaux for reality tv rps. so i’m gonna be playing my bby jamie. it’s the first time i’ve actually brought him to life but his character’s been in the works for a long time, now. he’s a lil shit but i hope you guys come to love him as much as i do!!

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Unloved (Mark college Au)

possibly a series??? I’ll see how I feel.

Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Time passes by. A college student.

Yes, I am a college student. One that has never even had her first kiss, let alone experience what it was like to be in a real relationship. Everyday, there are tons of people I gawk at or admire thinking “maybe they could be the one”, but I’ve thought for a good span of my life. I thought my first year of college was supposed to be this new realm where I experience all types of things with boys like I haven’t before, however, its quite the opposite. I don’t waste time on frat parties, not like I have the time anyway. 

Y/N sighs,”why do always not get enough sleep.” It was time to attend your classes you had for the day. You do your morning routine and out the dorm, you goes. Your third class at the end of the day, history. Not that you didn’t like the subject, but sleep deprivation can get the best of someone. Slowly, but surely, you drift out into the possible one million fantasies of someone unknown who you would fall in love with and be with for the rest of your life.  As if that was going to happen anytime soon, but you held onto to these hopes and fantasies, they got you through the day. Once it was time the go, you yawned and packed up your stuff. 

You walked out of the class, squinting because your eyes were blinded by the bright sunlight. “whats next”, you mumbled to yourself as you thought of the next thing on your list that needed to be done today. The day hadn’t ended yet and you were sure your friend was still in class, so why not wait an hour? You found a safe place in the grass and sat down, quickly taking out your phone to check your notifications. Before you could read anything, you heard small little barks. Barks. That meant there was a dog near and there was no way you could miss it. You instantly set your phone down and your eyes look to the right as you see a small, white pup running towards you. 

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My only regrets are the moments when i doubted myself and took the safe route. Life is too short to waste time being unhappy.


         best of: martha jones
“because the thing is, it’s like my friend vicky. she lived with this bloke, student housing, five of them all packed in. and this bloke was called sean. and she loved him. she did. she completely adored him. spent all day long talking about him… he never looked at her twice. i mean he liked her. that was it. and she wasted years pining after him. years of her life. ‘cause while he was around she never looked at anyone else. and i told her, i always said to her, time and time again, i said, ‘get out.’ so this is me, getting out.”

Embroidered Tweet, black silk on fabric cut from an antique nightgown, tweet by Shaadi Devereaux, embroidery by Cybele Knowles

“This piece is an embroidery of a tweet by Shaadi Devereaux, a Black and AfroIndigenous writer who uses media to build narratives for Trans Women of Color. Every once in a while, you come across a shard of truth that pierces your thick skull and shifts your perspective. For me, Shaadi’s tweet was one of those shards. When it popped up in my timeline, it immediately spoke to my growing recognition that I’d wasted a lot of time – years of my life – trying to make a heterosexual relationship with a man work.

And it made me laugh. Misandrist humor has a curative function. Many women are socialized to value men more than themselves. Misandrist humor, which rhetorically devalues men, can help women correct the dangerous imbalance of overvaluing men’s comfort and feelings at the expense of our own well-being and safety.

This embroidery is also a tribute to the blazingly smart women on Twitter and other social media platforms from whom I’ve learned so much.”


Originally posted by yes-yes-this-is-me

“My first girlfriend lover was a beautiful, talented, young Japanese skater who suddenly entered my life at last year’s GPF banquet, completely wasted, challenged me to a dance-off that he won, pole-danced like a pro with a good friend, and then vanished with the same suddenness, after forgetting everything about that fateful night that was a catalyst in my decision to move halfway across the world and leave my skating career behind for the position of his coach and choreographer.”- is what we might have heard had Yuuri not stopped Viktor then (hence the regretful/sad expression).

Just let me hold you once without any inhibitions,
just once for all the years I have loved you,
for all the thoughts I’ve thought about you,
for all the scribbled words,
for all the unscribbled words,
for all the people I pushed away,
for all the times I almost confessed my feelings,
for all the times I have loved you,
for all the times I couldn’t love you,
for all the life I have wasted upon you,
for all the times I have needed you
—   Maybe this will give a lifetime to hold you and hold onto you // JustScribbledWords 
If I am the sky, then she is the deepest parts of space that reminds my life to remain home bound. If I am the soul of poetry, she is the bruised and passionate heart that keeps the body in line for life shall always kiss death in an always and forever that’s a constant passage to last resort phone calls to the middle of nowhere while holding onto your hands one last time. If I am height of the bullshit we spent our wasted years trying to swallow, then she is the width of the hug I’ll get one day to fix the broken into a castle I’d use to protect your smile from false knights in shining armor and dragons that always die to swords and lies. If I am the magnitude of the situation, she is the drastic measures we gave out by being none reactive because a situation doesn’t always need a solution or a reaction– sometimes silence says more words than actual goodbyes. If I am the tears, she has to be the handkerchief we lost to the wind. If there’s a poet inside of my chest, the she has the poetry he’s been writing while drinking his soul into a heavy and dark death. Sometimes I am the ground we walk, while she’s the ladder we used to find a way out of this fucking maze. If I am the pinky used to secure trust, then she’s the promise that it’ll come true. If I’m a star too busy blinking my shine away, she’s the telescope trying to make sense of my brilliance. If I’m a tooth ache, she’s the reason why we them in the first place. If I’m trouble, she’s the sleeplessness that follows. If I’m everything bad, she’s everything good. One day it’ll never be enough because we are what we aren’t yet, that’s the scariest thing about her. Because for everything that I am not, she’s a consistent thought of one day, I will be.
—  If I am

@nekophy remember when I said I was gonna get this done like last year? Yeah I had some issues to deal with. but hey it’s done!
Also I heard it was birthday yesterday so: Happy Delayed Birthday!

the lullaby is the same as hush little baby.

Geno, Error, and Fresh: @loverofpiggies
PaperJam: @7goodangel
Ink: @comyet
Dream: @jokublog
Death: @renrink
Pallete: @angexc
Goth: @nekophy

The person who saved my life is also the one who destroyed it. Ironic. He broke up with me claiming that he wanted to be sure he wanted to be with me but also that he was afraid. When he tried to pin it on me, I realized he was a coward. I was completely in love with a coward who’d just wasted years of my life. And now I was back to square one. He said he loved me but I can’t believe him or his empty promises. The realization of the abuse that was your love is unsettling. Always had it his way.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1160 // the irony of one sided love 

i want to smoke weed and watch pornography until i pass out, and i want to hallucinate neon rays of light and sparkles floating all around me in the air while the Drive Soundtrack is playing as i shove christmas cookies into my mouth wondering how its come to this… 

i wasted 5 years of my life running this blog, i ruined every relationship i’ve ever had, i think im addicted to cocaine, i’m not even going to talk to my family this christmas, im just going to blast electronic music and do drugs and watch porno then do more drugs and watch christmas movies and made for tv movies about christmas, theres this christmas movie with The Brady Bunch that I like, like the brady kids are adults and they all come home and then later the dad gets trapped in a mine or something, idk, i’ll watch that and eat junk food and wear my $200 sunglasses in the dark and indoors, have skype sex with this girl in Florida that wants me really badly, ejaculate all over myself, and wonder why i let myself become this monstrosity, this grotesque uncaring monster shell of a person that once had dreams of working in air conditioning repair and owning a solar panel installation business but has settled for working at a pizza hut express inside of a target and turned down every promotion offer to avoid taking on any responsibility that would hinder leisure time to do drugs and masturbate… idk, i wondered how i became this way, then i realized… 

i did it for the 90s. 

i hate the fact that i can’t say no.
i hate the fact that i give in so easily to people.

my “best friend” literally went behind my back and basically copied my entire assignment that i spent 4 damn weeks including xmas break working so hard on and was so, so proud of and now she and i have both been caught for plagiarism and that could mean i could get expelled from my course and my uni. i’ve already dropped out of uni and had to take out 18 months of it bc of my mental health. and now i could expelled which means there’s no way i could go uni again bc of “plagiarism”, when it was MY WORK that got plagiarised. it was MY HARD WORK that got credited as hers???

and i just simply. don’t. fucking. BELIEVE. that people like that exist. who would pull a stunt like this??? why would she fuck me over like this?????

WHY can i not say no to people. i’ve never hated myself more than i do now.

thank you for improving my relationships

I just wanted to send you guys a note saying how much of a difference you’ve made in my life, and how important your work is to so many people.

I used to be the girl who clung on too long, making excuses and tolerating fuckshit. You guys speaking on this so much helped me learn to be more functional in relationships, and value my time more. A year after listening, I cut off an absolute fuckboy and later found a happier relationship; even when that went sour, I was able to cut my losses when the time was right, without being afraid of being alone or feeling desperate enough to waste my time on a relationship that wasn’t working anymore.

I’m still waiting for the kind of fulfilling relationship I want to have, but I’m okay if it never happens. I’m happy being alone, and I find more value in my friendships with people who have been there for years, even decades.

Please remember that what you do makes a difference in the lives of others, and you guys are truly a positive force in this world. I’ve been listening since almost the beginning and love seeing how much you both have succeeded and continue to succeed.

Blessings to you both,
Anna in Boston