a woman making it in the business side of the film industry

astrological movie masterpost


any genre film based on sun/moon 

aries sun/moon: “boyhood” (growing up and all the rash and/or unwise decisions that come with that. competitive upbringing)  “the aviator” (a frenzied soul who fakes it till ya make it. big dreams, a big persona, and a pioneer to an industry but deeply troubled behind it all), “the wolf of wall street” (honestly this movie was so fast-paced and mad that i could only take it in small doses. everyone is selfish and turns on a dime) 

taurus sun/moon: “the grand budapest hotel” (a film rich in aesthetic. a hotel owner who is a professional lush sets out on an adventure as he is being pegged for murder. a tale of paintings, pastries, and paramour), “big stone gap” (excessive family. stubborn and perseverant. a bit apprehensive of change)“today’s special” (a chef gets back to his roots and has to learn why he was passionate about food in the first place and how to savor every second) 

gemini sun/moon: “ferris bueller’s day off” (witty and incredibly adaptable. can make friends with anyone, anywhere. being childlike and curious, enjoying the little things), “black swan” (ambiguous film where you don’t know what to believe), “the truman show” (his whole life has been unknowingly documented. everyone is just playing a role. media manipulations)  

cancer sun/moon: “take care” (feeling like an inconvenience. wanting to be taken care of. guilt trips), “lymelife” (putting family and ‘home’ into perspective. awkward, at times endearing, a bit hectic), “high fidelity” (old fashioned guy. stuck in the past wondering where it went wrong), “the other woman (2009)” (learning to be a mother. the emotional rollercoaster of trying to love and be loved) 

leo sun/moon: “confessions of a teenage drama queen” (i mean…do i even need to explain this lmao), “beaches” (pride and loyalty. learning to love without having to be the only one receiving love), “anywhere but here” (self-centered mother who wants her to be a star. fixed opinions but is powerful & warm)“grease” (good girl, bad boy. popular. all love their hair lol)

virgo sun/moon: “beyond the lights” (never feeling good enough. a mother who compulsively criticizes her. the theme of ~what happens behind the scenes~ and going back to the basics)“short term 12″ (wants to service everyone else but forgets about themselves), “the intern” (an observant elderly man is methodized and eager to work, always there for advice & support), “as good as it gets” (a bitter man who struggles with OCD overcoming his fears and unleashing his compassionate side)

libra sun/moon: “legally blonde” (a bit superficial. values doing the right thing. people think she’s air-headed but is actually more ‘in the know’ than given credit for)“can’t buy me love” (getting caught up in the popular crowd. pretending to be something you’re not), “he’s just not that into you” (most confusing movie ever. literally nobody can make up their mind lmao) 

scorpio sun/moon: “st. elmo’s fire” (this film has literally everything scorpio and/or related (8th house) in it; secrets, betrayal, intimacy, transforming, debt, etc), “stealing beauty” (uncovering mysteries, forbidden affairs, paranoia. a taboo film), “lila & eve” (crime drama. goes to show just how far two resentful mothers will go)

sagittarius sun/moon: “bruce almighty” (humorous. has the theme of ‘luck’ and ‘higher power’) “away we go” (redefining what ‘home’ means. traveling across the country, new experiences, lots of bad jokes) “funny face” (an amateur philosopher has strong opinions for the modeling industry, wants nothing more than to travel for lectures), “good will hunting” (a genius and self-righteously so but doesn’t know how to truly appreciate life) 

capricorn sun/moon: “uptown girls” (learning to adult from a surprisingly mature child. a mother who is too concerned with her career to pay attention to her daughter), “the pursuit of happyness” (suffering hardships, feeling down & out as he climbs his way up the totem pole. a tale of being a father being able to provide), “the devil wears prada” (another tale of climbing your way to the top, along with the cost of it)

aquarius sun/moon: “scott pilgrim vs the world” (not your average film, includes an alternate dimension. has its technological, futuristic quirks. becoming superior to the rest and standing out in the process), “mona lisa smile” (50′s women gaining new perspective from a ‘subversive’ professor), “the martian” (innovative, humorously noble, feeling castaway, ‘space pirate’) 

pisces sun/moon: “the imaginarium of doctor parnassus” (a fantasy world with a damsel in distress but everything isn’t as it seems),  “because i said so” (milly is bright-eyed and a bit hopeless. her mother pays favor to her. always ends up doing what other people want because although she is highly spirited, she can be a pushover), “amelie” (imagination, imagination, imagination. sets out to help others by being a bit manipulative in the process), “big fish” (reality vs fantasy. idealized & exaggerated upbringing)

romance films based on venus 

aries venus: “10 things i hate about you” “she’s all that” (both films show they can treat romance as a competition but once they are in love, will do whatever they can to keep it alive), “two night stand” (hasty romance. lessons of ‘rushing’. a candor appreciation for another), “beginners” (being honest with yourself. ‘a movie with an unflinchingly tough heart.’)

taurus venus: “dirty dancing” (stubborn, sensual, and learning to position yourself securely lol), “the great gatbsy” (wealth. everyone indulges themselves, goes overboard out of love), “happily ever after” (sudden yearning for stability, excessive in more ways than one) 

gemini venus: “save the date” (a girl who is scared of commitment. covers up her fear with humor. ‘word vomit’ through the whole movie lol. works at a bookstore. has a sister dynamic in the film of the one who is a bit silly & immature and the one who acts like she knows everything), “how to lose a guy in 10 days” (a two faced romance. lighthearted mind games and calling each others bluff), “garden state” (a lost fella falls for a quirky compulsive liar. a surprisingly intelligent and outlandish film) 

cancer venus: “closer” (kind of shows more unhealthy traits of this placement but shows they just want to be in comfort with you but can guilt trip people and ask for reassurance where its not needed), “a walk to remember” (two lovers jaded in their own right find love. trying to protect one another from getting hurt and hurt each other in the process), “brooklyn” (building a life together. choosing between a lover at home or a home within a lover) 

leo venus: “elvis and anabelle” (a radiant beauty queen has a near-death experience that alters her way of existing. brings a boy out of his shell through theatrics and love), “take this waltz” (she meets a man and starts rethinking her own loving marriage, does she want more? demanding, bold, and has a childishness to it), “anomalisa” (uplifting one another, making each other feel extraordinary) 

virgo venus: “people places things” (a man of many standards and subsequently hypercritical in the name of love), “me before you” (taking care of another. breaking free from routine), “when harry met sally” (constant challenging of standards. loving the little things), “enough said” (looking beyond imperfections. practically endearing) 

libra venus: “hitch” (got his heartbroken. now runs a business as a ‘love doctor’ where he gives men the push to pursue love through setting a meet-cue. but when he falls for a girl he has no idea what to do), “alfie” (a womanizer who refuses to be seen as a regular person who experiences the everyday woes that we all do. says he’s ‘always okay’), “27 dresses” (jane is a ‘more’ evolved version of this venus. loves love, is a major people pleaser. her sister on other hand pretends to be whatever her partner wants, is a major socialite) 

scorpio venus: “love actually” (falling for what you can’t have and having difficulty expressing it), “no kiss list” (liking someone you can’t have and making that person feel like you can’t like anyone other than them), “chasing amy” (obsessive. sabotaging a relationship out of fear), “a dangerous method” (a forbidden and intoxicating affair with a patient), “last night” (temptation and affairs) 

sagittarius venus: “begin again” (greta is independent, blunt, and spontaneous. teaches dan and his daughter a few important lessons. love is a learning experience), “definitely, maybe” (flashbacks to 3 romances, all with women who either write, travel, and/or simply free-spirited. habits of running away. being judgemental of how to live life. expanding horizons. shamelessly honest), “they came together” (clumsy, a straight up mess. light-hearted. mocks romance films) 

capricorn venus: “timer” (doesn’t see the point of a relationship if they aren’t ‘guaranteed’. uses a timer to tell you when you’ll find your soul mate)“meet my valentine” (a family man who finds out he’s terminally ill is determined to find a loving provider to replace him), “before sunset” (an assertive romance, at times a bit cynical, but cheeky and loving) 

aquarius venus: “friends with benefits” “no strings attached” “sleeping with other people” (all the couples in the films were meant to keep things casual but got messy in the process), “frequencies- oxv: the manual” (s/o to @astr-logy for the recommendation! a film about being outcasted, breaking the world & love down to an equation, feelings of not feeling) 

pisces venus: “500 days of summer” (tom is a prime example of the idealization and fantasy romance that can come with this placement), “practical magic” (loves unconditionally but there is a tragic twist. two sisters - one who has a homemaker persona and one devastatingly bored of the mundane), “listen to your heart” (a deaf girl, who is a bit of a damsel in distress as her parents crush her dreams, and an amateur piano composer find inspirational love) 

romance films based on venus in the houses

venus in fire house (1st, 5th, 9th): “50 first dates”“the holiday”, “deadpool” (a stretch? no), “before we go”

venus in earth house (2nd, 6th, 10th): “everything before us”, “friends with money”, “chocolat”

venus in air house (3rd, 7th, 11th): “celeste & jesse forever”, “nick and norah’s infinite playlist”, “her”, “the beauty inside” 

venus in water house (4th, 8th, 12th): “the time traveler’s wife”, “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”“stuck in love”, “candy”, “comet”

action/drama films based on mars

aries mars: “death proof” (daredevil central. going toe-to-toe with a killer), “crank” (a film literally about keeping your heart rate up. will die without an adrenaline rush), “spring breakers” (living in the moment. playfully deviant and childishly so), “the challenger” (learning to fight for what’s worth it; choosing your battles) 

taurus mars: “matilda” (all the antagonists were greedy slobs who put themselves on a pedestal by making everyone else feel inferior), “the shawshank redemption” (avoids conflict, plays his hand slowly, no stranger to money), “american hustle” (luxuriating in ‘sin’, glorifying the hustle, high-resistance characters) 

gemini mars: “pirates of the caribbean” (jack sparrow is a character that’s easy to be allured to but difficult to trust. never seems to be who he appears and covers everything up with slurred antics), “seven psychopaths” (comical murder film where even has a darker or lighter side than you thought), “the prestige” (two illusionists go head to head to out-trick another. the huge secret of ‘duality’) 

cancer mars: “punch-drunk love” (stereotypical ‘nice’ guy with a lot of problems and insecurities. falls into a weird blackmail ploy), “mad max: fury road” (emotionally raw. recklessly protective. driven by the familial and home), “mr nobody” (recounting of memories. driven by pure emotion) 

leo mars: “hot rod” (acts like a big shot, always attempting to prove himself worthy), “guardians of the galaxy” (everyone has a major ego and wants to show off. music reminds me of the 80′s which reminds me of hair which is leo lmao), “frank” (i feel like many would believe this to be a more aquarius film with its long-standing reputation of being one of the most unconventional films of all time but the film is about fame, how to get there, how to stand out, and being histrionic in the making) 

virgo mars: “pay it forward” (actions geared toward helping others, insecurities and not wanting others to feel sorry, a need for efficiency), “captain america: the first avenger” (modest, just wants to contribute. high energy, lots of stamina ‘i could do this all day’), “cyberbully” (theme of words cutting deeper than you’d think) 

libra mars: “mean girls” (acts nice & unassuming only to better manipulate a situation), “gangster squad” (puts justice into their own hands. has people in pocket and knows how to work a room to use people to one’s disposal), “v for vendetta” (another film of putting justice into your own hands. created a tragic scenario to trick evey into learning no matter what one goes through, the right thing to do is the only appropriate way to live)

scorpio mars: “heathers” (conniving & hypocritical. veronica isn’t a saint herself but disproves of people who are cruel and sets out to teach them a lesson), “mr & mrs smith” (secretive. both know they’re spies but never tell each other & don’t feel neither has the right to be; in the same field of work but criticize each other for it), “django unchained” (rescue and revenge. will exploit anything or murder anyone to get back to his lover)

sagittarius mars: “maidentrip” (a young adventuress sails across the world)“artifact” (documentary film giving insight into the truth of the music industry. pretentious, pseudo-intellectuals), “the believer” (heavily controversial film. audacious in the name of beliefs and what one believes to hold verity) 

capricorn mars: “erin brockovich” (a relentless environmental activist sets out a case against a gas company where their supplies have left residents fatally ill. demands respect), “whiplash” (pushes limits beyond limits. ambitious to the core and seeks to achieve aspirations continuously), “american psycho” (a successful banker has an alter, killer ego who relishes in all that he does & ‘achieves’)

aquarius mars: “the big lebowski” (acts above violence and just says ‘fuck it’ to everything), “equilibrium” (feelings are literally outlawed but an enforcer soon falls victim to rebellion), “terminator” (a cyborg on a mission. a young boy fighting against the technologically advanced) 

pisces mars: “snowpiercer” (sacrifice, clairvoyance, spiritualism. as pete travers said, ‘a slambam sci-fi thriller with a brain, a heart and an artful sense of purpose’), “fight club” (gasp. shocking it isn’t aries mars, right? the story is about a man wanting to escape his everyday life, has an addictive personality, and finds himself immersed in this extracurricular activity), “philomena” & “of mind and music” (one defines true forgiveness. looking past all the tragedy and finding the beauty) 

The Industry

Summary: Your high school sweetheart has a provocative career, of which you’re having a difficult time adjusting to. Pornstar AU- Bucky Barnes is an adult film star
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Characters: Female Reader, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson
Word Count: 2.3K
Warnings: Explicit subject matter and cursing

| Feedback is very much appreciated | Masterlist |

“Cut!” The harsh yell of Justin Hammer, the middle-aged director of this hell, boomed through the spacious production studio. “James, great job as always. Tasha, we’re going to have to shoot that close up again.” He rises from his chair, crossing his arms. “You keep moving out of the light, and we need you to stay in it so we can get a clear shot of those famous tits of your’s.”

You stand alongside other crew members, watching the muscular back of the blue-eyed man flex as he moves from between the redhead’s legs his mouth had be working on seconds ago. Natasha’s glossy, bare body moves gracefully as she rests into a sitting position. Her eyes look frustrated as she blinks in motion with her soft pants. You watch as Natasha and Bucky share a quick exchange of a particular look, one that only could be shared between people who’ve been working in this industry for awhile. A look you could never understand.  

Hammer strides over to a set of screens, all replaying Bucky’s oral actions and Natasha’s moans on repeat. He stares at the two actors in their field for a handful of minutes before turning back towards the pair who are now standing side by side in satin navy robes. “Let’s take a twenty-minute break, I need to sort out this lighting problem.” He turns back to the screens, muttering instructions to the group of people around him. 

Your eyes peek at the monitors, lingering on the messy head of long, dark hair that rests between the long-legged redhead as his tongue swirls around the slick core of the woman. A sharp pain shoots from within your chest, your eyes glued to the daily horror of your boyfriend having sex with another woman. 

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“...Neck Tattoo?”

Requested by an anon.

Originally posted by jaerins

You met Christian through work. He was your competition. You and he both were director under two different multi-genre music and video groups. He headed DPR. You headed your own.

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Salt 'n' Pepper-Tony Stark x Reader One Shot

(A/N: This is set just after the first Avengers film, so we still have JARVIS as an android and everyone is happy. Also, Tony and Pepper aren’t a thing, sorry Pepperony shippers.)

Summary: Tony can get so busy managing his company and being Iron Man that he sometimes forgets about his partner (Y/N). As she sees how close he becomes with Pepper Potts, she can’t help the rising jealousy consume her, making her a very unhappy woman indeed.

Characters: Tony Stark x Reader, Pepper Potts x Reader (sort of enemies?), Bruce Banner x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name
(Y/L/N)= Your last name



“JARVIS, where is Tony?” I asked the android as I exited my shared bedroom with my partner.

He hadn’t come back to bed that night and I had a feeling I knew where he was.

“Mr Stark is currently in his lab, Miss (Y/L/N).” he replied.

“Has he eaten anything?”

“Mr Stark has only consumed an alarming amount of coffee.”

I sighed.“Thanks JARVIS.”

Of course he hadn’t eaten. He never worried about himself, his brain was taken over with science. Stopping by the kitchen, I grabbed a glass of orange juice before making a bowl of cereal. My mind did think about making him some pancakes but he needed something relatively healthy. Carrying it down to the lab I knew what sort of mood he was going to be in. He would just want to get on with his work, not be bothered with anything or anyone else.

It was hard loving him though I wouldn’t ever change it. We met at a party (surprise, surprise), I had tagged along with a friend, it was was for some sort of science convention; we bumped into each other and of course I knew who he was. We had talked the whole night, he too wasn’t the most enthusiastic about the event. One thing led to another and then we ended up becoming a couple.

Unfortunately that did mean that paparazzi and journalists were following my every move. I was introduced to a whole new world, not only with the media but with his superhero side. I was an easy target for his enemies, he knew that and was so hesitant to announce us. However it accidentally slipped out after the battle of New York where he almost died; I couldn’t help but dote on him afterwards, mistakingly showing off PDA, but what was done was done. He was fighting aliens and risked his life for the human race, there was no way I wasn’t not going to show my affection.

When I arrived to the lab, the doors were locked which meant he didn’t want to be disturbed. That didn’t mean anything to me anymore.

“Tony?” I knocked on the glass door with my foot.

“Who is it?” he called out.

“(Y/N). Can you please let me in? I have food.”

The doors slid open and I hopped in as if they would quickly trap me inside them. I found him standing at a desk which had tools laid about, he was tinkering with a circuit board.

“When you said food I thought you meant something interesting, not slop.” he commented as he looked up at me.

I chuckled.“It’s not slop. This is better than nothing. Come on, put your stuff down and eat.”

I took his arm, dragging him towards a table free of any technology, sitting him down and kissing his cheek. He whined like a child, only making me laugh more. Tony stared at it, not moving an inch.

“You know, you haven’t even come to bed.”

“I know.” he started to drink the orange juice. At least he was having something.

“I miss you. Are you working on something big?”

“Just upgrading the suits. Trying out a few new things on them. Everything is damaged after the fight though.”

“I can imagine.”

Tony looked so tired. S.H.I.E.L.D just swooped in and took over, dumping the whole alien attack on the team. What with him almost dying things hadn’t got any easier. He would have nightmares constantly which meant he tried to keep himself awake, he was always always trying to improve the Iron Man suits as a distraction from everything. It was going to take time for him to get back to normal.

“Morning Mr Stark.” a voice came from the entrance of the lab.

I internally groaned. Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark industries and former assistant to Tony had just walked through that door. I wanted to get along with her, I really did, but after I saw how she acted around Tony I couldn’t fathom it. Always flirting and constantly around him; I knew that they had to be together quite a lot of the time seeing as she too ran the company but she didn’t have to be so flirty with him.

“Oh, Miss (Y/L/N), I did not see you there.” she greeted almost rudely as she placed a bag of McDonald’s breakfast in front of Tony.

I didn’t miss her hand stroking the back of his as she passed the bag. Tony disregarded the food I brought, digging into the fast food. He must have seen the hurt in my face before he started to explain.

“I asked her to bring it.”

“But I made you cereal.”

“Yeah and I appreciate that, but I need this instead. She was passing one as she came here.”

“Speaking of,” Pepper pulled out a tablet from her bag, tapping away,“you have people to see and things to sign.”

He gathered up his food.“Nope, I’m out.”


“I’m going out and by that I mean staying in.”

I interrupted.“Tony you need to do these things. If you keep putting it off it’ll just build up. Maybe it will be good to get out.”

“She’s right Tony.” Pepper added, my eyes rolling.

He bit into his breakfast burger, contemplating it.“Neither of you are gonna give up, huh?”

Both of us shook out heads. Tony sighed after swallowing, turning away for a brief second.

“Fine. Seems like it’s important.”

Pepper smiled.“Great. Well I’ll arrange everything to be transferred to the afternoon, you can rest up and get cleaned up-”

“No. Leave it as it is.”

“Ok, your first appointment is in two hours. I’ll uh, leave you guys alone.” she was hesitant to go, probably thinking I would instead, it was evident in her face but she did so anyway.

Tony munched on his breakfast, clearly enjoying it. I didn’t want to mention anything about how uncomfortable to was with Pepper, he had enough on his mind already. I trusted him not to do anything, even if she advanced; though I prayed she wouldn’t either to maintain a professional relationship with her boss.

“I’m sorry about the breakfast.” Tony suddenly said, offering me a bite of his burger. I knew he was trying to hunt about Pepper.

I smiled, taking it from him.“It’s ok.”

“Didn’t want to bother you. You looked peaceful in your sleep.”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.“Wait, so you did come back to the room?”

“Yeah, but then I had stuff to do.”

I grabbed one of his hands.“I wouldn’t care if you woke me you know. It would be kinda nice to see you once in a while.”

He squeezed it back.“Sorry, just keeping myself busy.”

“I know that’s how you cope. Could you just come to bed tonight? Please? Just tonight and I won’t nag anymore.”

He chuckled.“Course.”


Tony and Pepper had left for the meetings now and I was left with nothing to do. I didn’t work, I used to before dating Tony. The job I used to have wasn’t a good pay, I was living off bare minimum really. Although I wasn’t a particular fan of work (based on past experience, I wasn’t a brat) it was common knowledge that you had to work to get money. Tony saw how unhappy I was, lending me money whenever I needed it until he suggested that I move in with him and quit my job. Never had I said yes quicker.

After being together for a couple of years, he started to trust me with the money by myself. Because I wasn’t working, I decided that charity work would suffice. Tony was charitable himself meaning it wasn’t a problem with him. However, there were no events coming up that needed to be planned so I was stuck in the tower. I had already worked out that morning, watched tv and even attempted cooking (I wasn’t very skilled in the kitchen). I could have gone out but I didn’t want to deal with paparazzi and all of my friends were working.

Heading into the kitchen to grab a snack, someone was already in there. I recognised the lab cost and dark, wavy hair.

“Hey Bruce.” I greeted walking towards him.

“Oh, hi.” he sent me a small smile.

“What you doing up here? Aren’t you in the labs all day?”

“Well, people do need nourishment.”

“True, could have asked one of your workers to get it though.”

“I’d prefer to do it myself. Not good with all these people get.”

“Well you do what you want Bruce.” I grabbed a bag of crisps about to walk away before he stopped me.

“Uh, a-are things ok with you and Tony?”

Why was he asking me this?

“Um, yeah. Why?”

“He asked me to keep an eye on you which sort of led me to believe that you had some sort of argument?”

“No, no arguments….” my sentence trailed off as I realised why Tony was curious.“It’s because of Pepper.”

“Pepper? Pepper Potts?”

“Yeah, she…I don’t really like her being around Tony, she can get a bit flirty.”

“Oh. Have you talked to him about it?”

“I can’t right now. He’s so stressed from everything that has happened. He’s not sleeping or eating well, his social skills are out the window; I just want him back.”

“I know I’m not an expert on love and relationships but I think it would be wise to speak with him. Maybe he’ll see how you’re feeling and spend time with you, it could make him feel better too.”

Bruce’s words played on and on in my head throughout the day. He was right. It had to be said soon. I just didn’t want Tony getting any worse; his PTSD had got worse, he didn’t need my whining on top of it.

“What are you thinking about?” Tony’s voice made me jump.

After a long debate with myself on what to do, I had found myself in the lab. Perhaps it was because Tony was always there and this was one of the only ways I felt close to him.

“Can…can I talk to you?” I stuttered, hating that my nerves were getting the better of me.

“Is this about Pepper or the neglect?” he asked, though I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be mean.

I was caught of guard.“Tony…that’s not how I want to word it.”

He loosened his tie as he stood nearer.“But that’s the word for it.”

“I’m just not a fan of her, she’s always trying to push my buttons by flirting with you.”

“It’s her nature.”

“No it’s not!” my voice raised.

He seemed taken back.

I groaned, pusing the chair back, making it screech against the floor.“I don’t want to argue. I want my Tony back even though I know you’re dealing with things but so is everyone else. You know what, just get Pepper to live here with you cause she might as well.”

“Don’t make this about her-”

“Why not Tony? She’s always here, let’s decorate one of the rooms for her. Better yet, she can take my place!”

His fist slammed onto the table.“I am not going to argue about this! We trust each other, we love each other! Have I ever once cheated or given you a reason to believe so?”

I could feel myself start to cry.“No.”

“So I don’t understand this. You know that Pepper has been a loyal, valuable member of my team, I wouldn’t just throw her away. I will talk to her about this but never have I reciprocated her feelings.”

My voice had turned to a whisper.“I know…I know that.” I could feel my knees buckling, having to lean against the wall.“I just want to help you and I hate that she has so much more in common with you. I have so much jealousy built up in me because of it, in ashamed of that. But I really want to help you.”

His hands pulled me towards him into a hug.“You do help me. It would help me even more if you just stayed happy.”

“You shouldn’t be comforting me, it needs to be the other way around.” I sobbed, clutching onto his suit.“I want to help.”

“Then stop crying and hug me back. Stop worrying about Pepper, just be happy, for me.”

Dream holiday right here 🖤

You decided on a staycation this year, and went to Cornwall for a nice long break in the summer. You’d booked 4 weeks at a nice looking hotel, planning on going out and exploring nearby sights and relaxing at the beaches watching people surf. When you’d booked there was only one room left so you were pretty lucky to get in. You checked in after having a nice relaxing drive down, stopping off at well known tourist attractions on the way. After finding your room you unpack, change and head down to the pool to start your holiday right.
You’re on a lounger drinking a cocktail when you see a few men in suits and ear pieces walking past and into the hotel. It’s a bit of a strange sight on a surprisingly hot day in England, but you go back to sunning yourself and forget about it. Later on you go back up to your room to change for dinner, but as you get to the lift there’s one of the those guys from earlier standing there.
“Can I see your room key please?” He asks as you approach.
“Yeah, sure,” you say as you get your card out of your pocket and hand it to him.
“Great, thanks, that’s fine,” he says as he sees the number on the card, then calls the lift for you. “Enjoy your day ma'am.”
“Thanks, you too,” you reply as you get in and push the button for your floor. This was all a bit strange, having security by the lift and checking your key card. Must be some wedding or something going on you thought, but then would hey have so much security? Your stomach rumbles and snaps you out of your thoughts and to dinner instead. You got to you room and changed then headed down to the restaurant to eat. After dinner you go for a walk around the grounds and see even more men in black suits scattered around outside. You head back inside after a while and see two people being escorted into the now closed restaurant. You try and sneak a peek at who they are, but couldn’t make them out, so head on up to your room to do some googling on your phone. Nothing came up that you find, but you were determined to see who it was, must be super famous! You fell asleep and thought about how amazing it would be if you met them.
The next morning you go down to breakfast then go out straight away to explore. The beach nearest to the hotel is beautiful and you take some photographs of the surfers on the waves. You grab some lunch then head back in the early evening to get some pool time in when it’s quiet. You leave your camera and bag by your lounger and go for a dip with no one else around. Then you hear two voices come out and you poke your head up out of the water to see who it was. Standing there is none other than Norman Reedus and his girlfriend. You gasp and swim to the other side of the pool to get out and cover up.
“Hey, nice piece of kit you got there,” a deep male American voice says behind you, looking down at your camera. You turn around and Norman stands there, his girlfriend getting in the pool for a swim.
“Uh, thanks, it’s just a basic model,” you say picking it up and handing it to him.
“Pretty decent though, is it for business or pleasure?” He asks, looking around the camera and then switching it on and pointing it at the hotel.
“Purely for pleasure,” you reply as he snaps away.
“Awesome, I dabble a bit myself too,” he says as he spins round snaps you smiling. “Sorry I get a bit carried away. I’m Norman by the way.” He hands you back the camera and puts out his hand for you to shake.
“Haha, no worries, thanks. I’m (Y/N). I definitely know who you are.” You say, shaking his hand and blushing slightly. “And I definitely know who your girlfriend is too. How come you’re staying in little old Cornwall?”
“She’s filming so I’m gonna be knocking around on my own. Might dust off my camera actually if you can show me some nice places to shoot?”
“Umm, yeah I can, you sure you want a strange woman showing you around though?”
“Ha, you sure you want to show a strange man around? I mean I have kind of invited myself on your holiday now.”
“Ha, that’s fine, I’m on my own anyway, and if you want company there’s no harm in that. I know some awesome places to go for views.”
“Great, I’ll meet you after breakfast tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, see you then,” you smile. He walks back over to where his girlfriend’s things are resting on a lounger and lays down with a book while she swims. You walk past with you bits and smile at her, she waves to you and smiles back and you go up to your room.
The next couple of days go quick, you showing Norman around the local beauty spots and taking photos together. His girlfriend was away for a couple of nights doing scenes for the film, so you had dinner together at the hotel after hours and got to know each other better.
“So your boyfriend doesn’t mind you going away on your own then?” Norman asks as you finish your starters.
“Ha, if I had one he wouldn’t have a choice,” you laugh.
“Oh, sorry I assumed- well, you’re pretty, intelligent and such a fun person, wouldn’t think you’d be single.” You blush as his words.
“Thanks. Guess I’m not to everyone’s taste, but it’s their loss! Your girlfriend doesn’t mind you hanging with me?”
“Nah, she’s cool with it. You’ll find someone soon for sure, any guy would be lucky to call you his girlfriend,” he continues, brushing off the question about his girlfriend quickly.
“How do you meet people being so famous? Sorry if I’m being nosey.” You probe.
“You mostly end up dating people in the industry. It’s difficult otherwise, can never know when someone genuinely likes you or is just with you because you’re famous. But then people in the industry can use you as well for their careers,” he explains, looking slightly sad about it all. “End of the day, I just want someone who loves me as much as I love them and who can make me laugh.”
“Have you found her yet?” He looks at you as you ask this, and thinks about it carefully. He smiles a little at you then blushes and looks down at his food.
“I think I might have actually,” he says, talking down to his plate. “Sometimes it happens when you least expect it, like on holiday.” You widen your eyes in shock as he says this, then think maybe he met his girlfriend on holiday, but when he looks up at you his face is serious and he looks into your eyes hoping you understood him. “You know what I mean?” He finishes.
“Yeah, I- I think I do actually,” you stutter.
“Good! What do you want for dessert?” He casually asks, picking up the menu and taking a look. You look at him confused and then shake your head and concentrate on your food.
“I don’t know, I’m pretty full up actually.”
“We can share one. What do you fancy?” As soon as he says this all you can think of to say is ‘you’, but you resist the urge and go for apple pie with cream instead. The dessert arrives at the table and he hands you one of the two spoons.
“Ladies first,” he says, gesturing to the bowl. You dip your spoon in and take a chunk, then let out a small happy groan as you start chewing.
“Wow, that good huh?” He laughs.
“Oh my god yes, so good! Dig in before I eat it all please!” He takes his spoon and starts to eat.
“Mmmmm,” he sighs, closing his eyes, “that is amazing.” You giggle at his reaction and sit back in your chair, taking in the man sitting in front of you. Norman opens his eyes and looks straight into yours. He opens his mouth to say something but you interrupt him.
“I’d better be getting to bed actually, going to get out early tomorrow. I’ll pay for this, it’s been really lovely,” you ramble, rooting around in your bag for your purse.
“No, no, put that away, this is on me.”
“Are you sure? Don’t want half towards it?”
“No! Don’t be silly, I’ve got it. Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Umm, maybe, I’ll probably see you anyway. Thank you Norman, it’s been amazing,” you smile, getting up from the table. He stands as well and nods to the security guy at the door, then takes your hand and pulls you toward him to kiss your cheek. He lingers there for a few seconds and you look sideways at his face next to yours. He notices and as he leans back a little he almost brushes your lips with his, but you step backwards, smile and rush past the security man to your room.
You fall face down on your bed and curse yourself for feeling this way about him, knowing he has a girlfriend. Everything would be out in the open in no time with someone like that, you were lucky you two hadn’t been spotted already. You eventually fall asleep and wake up late, but stay in your room and order room service for breakfast. You’re still in your pyjamas when the concierge knocks at the door with your food.
“Coming!” You call out as you throw a rover over you. You swing the door open and look straight at the tray, then when you go to take it you realise Norman’s standing there holding it. “What are you doing here?” You ask.
“I didn’t see you this morning, just wanted to check you’re okay,” he says innocently.
“I’m fine, thanks. Just overslept a little.”
“Can I come in?”
“I’m still in my pyjamas-”
“I won’t be long, I promise.”
“Okay, come in.” You relent, moving to the side and allowing him inside. He puts the tray down on the bed and you sit down next to it and start eating. He paces around looking at the things you have in your room and picking items up to take a closer look. His phone rings and you see him look at the screen then silence it and slide it back in his pocket.
“You can answer it if you need to,” you say, lifting the fork to your mouth.
“Nah, it’s not important.”
“How’s your girl-”
“Look, I know you may think I’m crazy, but I gotta tell you something.” He mutters, cutting you off. “Last night when you said you knew what I meant about love and when you least expect it, did you really know what I was getting at?”
“Well, I thought maybe you’d met her on holiday at first. But there was something in the way you looked at me that made me think differently.”
“Okay, so you know I was talking about you. I know it must sound mad, but I’m really falling for you (Y/N).” You sit there in silence as you take in what Norman’s saying to you.
“I don’t know what to say Norman.”
“Say that there’s even the smallest chance that you feel the same and I’m yours.”
“I- I don’t want to come between-”
“You’re not. It’s been over for a long time, just neither of us want to admit it.”
“Well, of course I feel the same, but it’s only been a few days.”
“I know! It’s crazy, but there’s this connection like I feel like I’ve known you forever. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Yeah, I feel that. It’s so natural and I feel like I can tell you anything.”
“Exactly!” He exclaims, moving his hands around and stroking his beard a little.
“What now though?” You ask between bites of toast.
“I’ll sort things my end, but I’d really like to spend the rest of my time here with you if that’s okay?”
“Of course Norman,” you say, getting up from the bed. He closes the gap between you both and takes your head in his hands, looking you directly in the eyes.
“You’re something else (Y/N), you really are,” he laughs, then kisses you on the forehead. “I’ll be back soon.” You walk to the door with him and he wraps his arms tightly around you before he leaves. You watch him walk down the hallway and he turns to blow a kiss to you. You laugh and catch it then blow one back to him and he does the same. Once you shut the door, you slide down it and land in a heap on the floor, unable to believe what has happened to you.

See You Tomorrow Night

TITLE OF STORY: See You Tomorrow Night


AUTHOR: delusionsofnostalgia


GENRE: Angst, Drama, 

FIC SUMMARY: You and Tom have been in a committed relationship for years now. He’s returned to London from filming but you realise he hasn’t been quite the same with you. A co-worker stumbles across an article, with pretty convincing photos, that Tom has been cheating on you and you confront him, hoping that it isn’t true. What will he say? (Tom x Reader)


AUTHORS NOTES: Hey guys, this is a little angsty, heart breaking kinda piece. I just got inspired and had to write it. It could be more than a one shot depending on feedback but I think it’s good as a stand alone. Hope you guys enjoy it! Feedback and comments always welcome! :) xx

See you tomorrow night love. xx

You sighed, pulling, in a terribly self-aware manner, at the hem of your dress. It was his favourite dress on you; oxblood, tight, with a zipper all the way down the back for easy removal. You fidget remembering the first time he had slipped a hand around your waist when you had worn this dress, his long, elegant fingers digging softly into the fleshy area of your hip; an area you had once been very conscious of.  You hadn’t seen him in months, he had come home for the occasional visit but never stayed more than three nights and god you had missed him. He was as dedicated to his work as ever but this time you had missed him more than usual, accepting that his career was skyrocketing and he just couldn’t skype as much due to pure exhaustion.

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Authors Note: Hi! This is my first one shot ever so take it easy on me. The reader is Australian (purely for the snappy attitude of “if we were in Australia you’d be fucking melting you weaklings” or “you think that’s a big spider? Peter I’ve seen spiders bigger than you” and the fourth wall breaking that will definitely come when Deadpool comes in)

Pairing: Avengers/reader, Xmen/reader, Deadpool/reader, AOS/reader

Summary/Prompt: The reader some how gets sent to a world where The Avengers, Xmen, Agents of Shield, Nextflix’s Daredevil and Jessica Jones are all in the same universe.


“Ok so you found her in the middle of no where, asleep, fully clothed, with a Star Wars bag next to her?” Wanda asked, peering into the window of the white container to see the mysterious girl that was brought in by a group of people she didn’t know.

“That basically sums it up.” The man who introduced himself as Phill Coulson said turning to her and nodding slightly.

“Her vitals are fine, no radiation, no wounds, bumps or bruises.” Jemma Simmons, a British doctor with PH.D’s in fields she couldn’t even pronounce sighed from across the room while looking at the monitors. “It’s as if someone just dumped her in the middle of the forest and left via Bifrost to get our attention.”

“She’s moving!” Pietro loudly announced with his face pressed against the window. Fizt and Simmons moved quickly to where the speedster was standing and looked through the glass with him, Bobbie, Mack, Lincon and Daisy soon following.

“You’re alive.” It wasn’t a question at this point and Coulson sighed lightly while turning to the still shocked Avengers in front of him.

“Yes I’m alive. I was brought back to life by an alien DNA that almost drove me completely crazy but I’m here with one less hand. Can we move on?”

“What makes you think we can help?” Steve was the first to snap out of it and started walking towards the glass to see what the speedster was so impressed about.

When he did his eyes nearly bulged out of his eye sockets when he saw the woman stretching like cat, arms above her head, shirt riding up to her ribs and hair a tousled nest of bed hair curls. When he looked back to Coulson waiting for an answer some pops could be heard and an outright filthy moan left the woman’s lips. Everyone then went to the window to see she was still sound asleep on her stomach this time with her left leg hanging off the small bed comfortably and her head buried in the duvet and pillow.

“We were hoping with Thor around he could help with some theory’s about where she’s from and how she got here.” Daisy cut in looking at Thor who was just as lost as the rest of them.

“What about facial recognition? Finger prints? DNA tests.” Natasha stepped back and turned to Dr. Simmons.

“We haven’t done DNA but the rest?” She frowned with a sigh. “We run everything though every system there possibly is, even Daisy hacked into a few we didn’t have and nothing.”

“Nothing?” Tony was next to walk away from the white box with a frown.

“It’s as if she doesn’t exist.”

“What if she doesn’t?” Clint asked looking through the glass at the sleeping woman, when he saw everyone’s confused expressions he continued. “Not here anyway we know that. But what she isn’t from here?”

“She can’t be from a different realm. I mean look at her.” Bobbie added. “She has a Wonder Woman shirt on, caps shield helix bar, ripped skinny jeans, heeled batman boots and a Star Wars bag.”

“Are we talking alternate universe theory.” Bruce piped up turning to his team mates.

“That would fit.” Simmons tilted her head in agreement.

“But how did she get here.” Fitz turned to Simmons and they went to the monitor before they heard Pietro speak up.

“Wait Batman? As in DC comics? What about the flash?” Everyone gave him questioning looks and he rolled his eyes. “Didn’t flash have a huge thing where he ran so fast he time traveled? What if it’s something like that? What if she’s a mutant?”

“That why we’ve called the X-Men for help as well, they’ll be here shortly with Deadpool to see if he’s run into anything like this.” May answered leaning against a desk top with her arms crossed.

“Not Wade!” Peter Parker groaned in annoyance.

“Problem?” Lance looked at the kid with amusement, knowing just how bad the merc could get.

“He thinks we’re dating.” Peter replied unamused causing everyone to chuckle.

“Pietro get away from the glass! She’s not an animal at the zoo!” Wanda scolded her twin.

“Pft that’s obvious.” He turned back to glass.

“Why are you so desperate to look at her?” Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow. He turned to her with a sassy face ready to give her a sassier reply but he was interrupted by a croaky, deep, morning voice.

“Well I’m drop dead gorgeous what would you expect?”


“My name is-“

“Nicholas J. Fury. Former director of SHIELD and a pain in HYDRA’s ass.” The woman sat across from him answered almost like second nature. “I know.”

“Well I’m at a disadvantage.” She raised an eyebrow. “You know me but I don’t know you.”

“If you want to ask me questions you don’t have to do it super spy style like I’m an enemy or some shit. Just ask me the questions.” Fury was taken back by the woman calmness of the situation and lent back in his chair. Behind the double sided mirror next to them Tony chuckled.

“I like her.” He said nodding while everyone else in the room looked on in curiosity.

“Where are you from?”

“Planet earth, Queensland, Australia. The place where from the minute you’re born everything under the sun is trying to kill you. Including the sun as it turns out.”

“She’s not lying there.” Coulson said turning to them. “Have you seen the spiders there?”

“Why can’t we find you in any of our systems?”

“Have you asked your systems that question? It might have a better answer than me.”

“Can you cut it with the smart ass answers?” Funny said annoyed.

“Can you cut it with the boring ass questions? I feel like we’re on a date arranged by our parents which is weird because you’re old enough to be my dad.” She scrunched up her nose and looking at the double sided mirror remembering the part in Kingsmen when Egsy recognised it and punched it open under water. “Is Bobbie Morse in there?”

Fury frowned at the question and brought his hands together.

“Why do you want to know that?” She rolled her eyes at him, knowing he’s looking for a hidden reason as to why she’d want her in here.

“Relax Patchy the Pirate, she’s just a better interrogator than you. Plus she likes Star Wars.” As much as she liked the guy, he was getting on her nerves.

A thoroughly annoyed Fury stood in the room behind the double sided mirror watching Agent Morse talk with the woman they still didn’t know the name of. Tony was holding in laughter making his face turn bright red along with Natasha, Clint, Steve, Bruce and the twins. Coulson’s team just watched with amusement while Peter hung from the ceiling upside down eating a bag of chips he’d occasionally share with Pietro and Clint.

“What’s your name?” Bobbie started with a kind smile.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” She replied at more ease.


“Depends, what year is it?” Bobbie frowned before answering.

“2018.” Y/N’s eyes widened before she looked down.

“Shit.” She whispered. “Well that means I’m 19.”

She brought her elbows on the metal table and started rubbing her temples to ease the headache she could feel coming on.

“How do you know so much about us?” Bobbie continued.

“You want the honest truth?” She asked, not really sure she should tell them, when Bobbie nodded and leaned forward she sighed before answering. “Where I’m from, every single one of you are either comic book characters, tv shows, Netflix series or movies. You’re all frictional. Thor or anyone related to him doesn’t exist, or if he does he’s staying the hell away from earth, Cree never came to earth and started the Inhumans program, in World War two HYDRA never existed Steve was never born-although there was a Russian Bucky doppelgänger in the U.S.S.R. called James Barnes and a Sargent James Barnes somewhere else-Tony was never born, the technology is way less advanced, SHIELD never happened-any disaster that lead the Avengers getting involved never happened, New York, The Mandarin, Washington, Ultron, PYM Industries. None of it happened because it was in a comic book or TV or on the movie screen.”

Bobbie was silent before she leaned back in her chair with her mouth slightly agape.

“Jesus Christ you’re telling the truth.” Y/N nodded with a small sad smile. “What about us? Or rather not us?”

“Actors. Your name is Adrianne Palicki.”

“What about the rest of them?” Bobbie shook her head trying to wrap her head around it.

“All actors. You and your team are a TV show called Agents of Shield, Steve, Thor and Tony with their solo films, The Avengers, Avengers Age of Ultron which doesn’t really make sense because it only lasted a few days.”

“Yeah.” Bobbie agreed nodding.

“More like The Long Weekend Of Ultron.” Bobbie hummed in agreement. “But there was so much wrong with that movie anyway.”

“Really?” Y/N groaned and rolled her eyes leaning back in her chair while slouching.

“So much. Joss Whedon directed in and wrote it to basically be his own messed up fanfiction so he could have his ship.” Bobbies face went horrified at the mention of Joss but leaned forward with a determined face. Just before she was about to speak the door opened to revel Natasha dragging in a chair.

“Tell me everything.” She said pointing to Y/N sternly and sitting down next to Bobbie.

“Ok.” Y/N got business like, tucking her chair in so her stomach touched the table and pointed to Natasha. “Do you and Banner have a thing?”

Natasha was thrown off by the question and she frowned. “No.”

“Did you ever have a thing?” She said double checking.


“Thank fucking Christ!” It looked like a weight had been lifted from Y/N’s shoulders. “Well Joss made it that you two did but it was so poorly written because in the first Avengers movie there was nothing. No chemistry no hint at a romance like yeah you went and got him and yeah you tried to calm him down but that was it. You had an inside joke, you were friendly that’s it.

“AOU rolls around and it’s suddenly ‘oh Bruce I adore you! Let’s run away and be misfits together!’ Like.. Don’t get me wrong I could’ve accepted the ship if it was written well but the way he made you out to be was just.. Not you..”

“What was the first Avengers movie?” Bobbie said frowning.

“Loki and the Chitari.” Y/N realised she got a head of herself and tried slowing down to make easier to understand.

“Tony wants to know what his solo films are called.” Bobbie sighed while rolling her eyes.

“Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Iron Man 3-they’re not really that creative.” Natasha nodded and took out a Stark phone to give to Y/N.

“Put everything on a timeline so it’s easier.” Nat said handing her the phone.

“Shit you mean these are a thing?!” Y/N took the device with wide eyes, huge smile as she looked at it with amazement. “I thought it was just in the fanfiction!”


1892 words

Tagging: @uncomfortable-writers @imagine-that-marvel @alloftheimaginesblog (not really a Merlin one shot but I’m still writing it) @stupidcleverjoke

Chris Evans for W Magazine: The 2016 Royals

Chris Evans’ start in Hollywood wasn’t so auspicious. From his infamous scene inNot Another Teen Movie to playing “Harvard Hottie” in The Nanny Diaries, starring his future co-star Scarlett Johansson, he’s enjoyed a slow burn rise to the top. “I’m glad that I didn’t you know come out of the gates with the first thing being some huge critically-acclaimed success. It’s been very nice and educational,” he says. For the past five years, he’s been known to us as Captain America, one of the most classic roles in the Marvel universe, which is why it made sense to pair him with a new arrival to the superhero genre, Chiwetel Ejiofor, in our annuals Royals package. Here, he talks about his rise in Hollywood, from the his very first part in high school to his roles in the cult-favorite Snowpiercer and the upcoming Gifted.

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A Long Rant about Sexist Tropes

Just thinking about the trope of women “sleeping their way to the top” after I’d been reminded that it’s a bit of a recurring theme for female villains in the old Star Wars EU. This makes me mad, as not only is it lazy writing, but it also shows a fundamental lack of understanding of how patriarchy works.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems almost impossible to sleep your way to the top in a democracy. Sure, you could do it to get onto a candidate shortlist, but then there’s the pesky problem of all those thousands of votes from the electorate you’d have to chase. Some of them might not even want to sleep with you! It would be much easier to buy your way to the top, or marry into a wealthy and politically influential family. You’re not guaranteed power, but you’ve got a definite head start. You are far more likely to get elected to high office if you give the impression that you have a happy, traditional marriage. Politicians are judged harshly for their sexual indiscretions; at best, you’d be ridiculed, at worst, you could lose your job.

The only 20th century example I can think of off the top of my head where a woman ends up with political power as a direct result of her marriage is Eva Peron, and even then I’m only basing that assumption on my recollections of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, I have no idea how accurate that is to her real life (everything is just like it is in musicals, right? I’m really clutching at straws to find an example here). Looking further back, the aristocracy used to aim to consolidate wealth and power through what was essentially a form of arranged marriage. Although this might change the fortunes of a family, the women were rarely the ones wielding any sort of political power.

The only industry I can think of where it happened a lot was the Hollywood studio system of the 20s, 30s and 40s, where an (often not entirely consensual) affair with a studio boss or director was a quick way up the career ladder. However, even when starring in films, lead actresses rarely had any actual power, they were essentially still the property of the studio.

So far, I don’t have many examples of this trope actually working in real life, and here’s why. Patriarchy is a club. In Star Wars, Palpatine’s empire is meant to be a ruthless military dictatorship, with a lot of power consolidated into very few hands. Canon suggested the Imperials were misogynistic and racist, and that was why there were no women or non-humans working on their ships in the original trilogy. The commanders were all old white dudes. Anything sounding familiar yet? ‘The Establishment’, whether it’s the bad guys in a sci fi film or the people running a country in real life, tend to hire people like them. The sort of men they’ve been promoted alongside, met at private members clubs or business functions. If you’re a misogynist who wants your business to succeed, you hire your golfing buddy, not your 'bit on the side’.

When women have affairs with powerful men, they are branded gold diggers or home wreckers. Monica Lewinsky, a young woman with an interest in a career in politics, became an international laughing stock for years when someone in a position of power took an interest in her sexually rather than professionally.

The finale of this trope always seems to be that the woman turns out to be not that great at her job, makes a series of ridiculous errors, and our heroes win the day. What is far more common for women at the top is that they become isolated and are taken down by members of their own party. It happened to Margaret Thatcher in Britain, and to Julia Guillard in Australia. That story arc would actually make more sense within the canon, as it would bear out the suggested misogyny of the bad guys.

IDK, in some of these books the aliens and space battles are way more believable than the humans.

Chapter 1 - Can A Man And Woman Ever Be Just Friends?

Disclaimer: Hello everyone! This is the first chapter to the series prequel of The Thing Is… I Love You. This work is purely fictional - any mentions of real persons or events are coincidental. Please read, reblog and enjoy :).

Sprawled against the warm leather of the car, I watched as the raindrops slid slowly down the window. We hadn’t been on the road long, a mere fifteen minutes, but it was already pouring. The rain was so thick I could barely see past the glass. At this point though, I didn’t care. I was exhausted.

I was coming straight home from the 2014 Golden Globes. It went about in the most spectacular fashion. From the glittering parade of designer gowns to the prestigious awards, the night didn’t disappoint. Although I’d established a solid acting career, I didn’t feel like one of the ‘elite’. I was still the young girl from Louisville, Kentucky.

As the car stopped briefly at an intersection, I found myself reflecting on the event. The first category they presented was the award for Best Supporting Actress. I was so deeply engrossed in staring wide eyed at my favourite actress Meryl Streep that I almost didn’t hear my name being called over the microphone. I blinked, glancing around the table in confusion.

Nick had squeezed my waist, leaning close so he could whisper in my ear. “Go on, babe, you’re up. You’ve won.”

He kissed me very briefly, surprising me, before giving my butt a gentle pat. Too bewildered to even object, I hitched up the skirts of my white tulle Dior gown and clumsily made for the stage. As I walked, several hands patted me on the back. My heart stopped when Meryl Streep herself pulled me aside, her feather-light fingers brushing my bare shoulder as she whispered her congratulations.

My hands shook as I slowly climbed the steps. No way in hell would I let last year’s spectacular fall happen again.

A beaming Tom Hanks pressed the small yet heavy Golden Globe into my hands. I stuttered my thanks as Sandra Bullock, THE Sandra Bullock, kissed my cheek. Clutching the globe tightly, I addressed the audience.

“Wow. Uh, thank you so much for this.” I suddenly became very aware of how breathless my voice sounded. “God, I don’t know why I’m shaking but yeah, um, thank you so much. I wanna thank David O. Russell, you’re a brilliant man in so many ways.”

The crowd was filled with several smiling faces; all of which telegraphed genuine pride. I paused for a second, collecting my thoughts. I knew at least half the room, having only interacted with the other half in passing.

My heart beat along to a strange rhythm. I was euphoric, literally on cloud nine. And yet, I knew something was missing. Or more accurately, someone.

“Uh, I wanna thank my family, my team. I would not be up here without you guys. Aargh. Who else? OH yeah! I wanna thank my fellow nominees, it’s such an honour to even be nominated with you. I am inspired by your work so thank you.”

I swallowed, hoping I could inject some much needed volume into my voice. “Oh god, I’m still shaking! Seriously, please don’t do this again. It’s freaking scary.” I say breathlessly as the crowd roared with laughter. I held up my Globe in gratitude as music echoed across the great hall.

Miss Golden Globe, a pretty young lady whose face I didn’t recognise, led me briskly from the stage, escorting me to the press room. I blinked rapidly, eyes watering; almost blinded by the lights. Journalists were clamouring, like angry bees, taking my picture, hurling questions in my direction.

“Jennifer! Hold it up for us!”

“Smile, this is for People Magazine!”

“You look gorgeous, Jennifer!”

“How do you feel about winning the first award of the night?!”

“Tell us about your acceptance speech. Are you really still that nervous?”

I felt the adrenaline recede from my system as I shuffle slowly along the platform towards the microphone. Flushed from my speech, I spotted my assistant and friend, Justine, lurking in the corner. She beamed at me, hands outstretched, preparing hold the Globe while I addressed the press.

Acquiescing almost immediately, I passed the little marble-gold award to her, then turned to face the media. I narrowed my eyes, squinting against the blinding glare of the cameras. “I’m sorry. Could you please repeat the question?”

“Oh, tell us about your speech. Are you still really that nervous about talking in front of crowds?”

I felt a momentary stab of irritation as I glanced down at the young woman who posed the question. She held a silver iPad in her hands but it wasn’t the gadget that captured me. It was the badge on her lapel; the yellow E! embossed in a gold circle.

The gossip channel held no attraction for me, it never really did. A derisive laugh escaped my lips. They saw me as an actress; not an actual human being who suffered from the occasional stage fright.

“Yeah, I mean, talking in front of a big group of people is nerve wracking.” I say petulantly. “Especially when the people watching you are your favourite actors. People you’ve admired since you were a little kid.”

Luckily, they didn’t detect the obvious petulance in my tone. Eager to coax more answers from me, they scrambled among themselves, debating on who should ask me next. I shuffled my feet restlessly, waiting.

“Jennifer, you’ve had a stellar award season so far. Firstly, congratulations. Second, what do you plan on doing after? Do you have a post-ceremony relaxation routine?”

“Well uh, I dunno. I’ll probably catch up on my drinking. There’s so much alcohol there callin’ my name, you know what I mean?” I laugh, longingly picturing the glass of champagne I’d left, still full, sitting on the table.

“Do you have any other projects in the works right now? Projects which could attract the same Oscar buzz?”

“Yes I do, although I don’t know if the 'Oscar buzz’ part is true. I’m shooting the last Hunger Games movie which has been split into two parts. But we’re filming it in one whole bunch so yeah, very busy.”

“Has the film been disrupted because of the awards?”

“No, I don’t think so.” I frown, biting my lip. Production was currently on a two week break to accommodate the hectic awards season. We were still based in Atlanta and had at least another six weeks there before moving overseas.

“Okay, ah, how do you see your future in the film industry? Is directing a movie something you’d consider later on?”

“Definitely. I’d do directing at some point, yeah. But I’m still a newbie at this stuff so I think I’ll keep learning for awhile. I’ve worked with incredible directors so I’m learning a lot from them.” I reply cheerfully; Francis’ face was vivid in my mind.

“Jennifer, over here! To your right.”

I started shuffling in the opposite direction before bursting into laughter. “Oh my god, you said right and I went the other way. Hah. Anyway, I’m sorry. Interrupt me quick!”

“You were at the Governor’s Ball last year, your family was there too. They were having more than you celebrating backstage.”

“Because they didn’t have to go through this. It’s hilarious. I really miss them though. I don’t know what they’re doing now so I’m gonna call em’ right after the press thing.”

“As a young actress, how do you stay grounded?”

“Family. They’d stop me before I get my head stuck up my own ass. Plus, I have a group of really good friends. Friends I’ve known for a long time..” Despite my lighthearted remark, I felt my heart clench painfully. I guess I’d be lying if I didn’t wish he was here too.

Amidst the rapid-fire interrogation, I thought of my loved ones. My family. Throughout my career, they’d remained steadfast in their support for me. This was the first awards ceremony they couldn’t attend. My parents. My two older brothers. I missed them all and wished, more than anything, that they were standing here there beside me.

When the press conference concluded, I slowly made my way back to the great hall. Nick was enjoying himself, deeply engrossed in an avid discussion with Amy. He kissed me briefly when I got back, then resumed his conversation. I sat down, fingers curled around the champagne glass, feeling a bit lonely.

The rest of the night passed by quickly. I watched esteemed actors win well deserved accolades. I didn’t stop acting like an obsessed fan all night, somehow neglecting my costars as I stalked my favourite actors. When the event concluded however, I was strangely relieved.

Nick didn’t stay long; he was flying out early the next day to attend the Sundance Film Festival in Utah. So he bundled me up in the town car, still wearing his black blazer. The blazer had since been clumsily folded up and put away.

It was still pouring outside. Sheets upon sheets of rain pelted the window, obscuring the glass, making clear vision difficult. From what I could see though, the roads were still wet. There was barely any vehicles on the road, save the limousine, traffic was almost non-existent.

The car pulled into my street, cruising slowly past the darkened houses until it parked beside front gate of my condo. I didn’t live here alone, I shared the apartment with Justine. I couldn’t find her after the backstage press conference at the Globes; for some reason, she’d disappeared.

Don, the driver, flitted to my side, kindly offering his arm as I climbed awkwardly out of the vehicle. He held a large black umbrella over our heads as we approached the gate. Through it all, I didn’t stop talking, thanking him for being my chaperone.

“No problem, Miss Jennifer.” He smiled, somehow reminding me of my father. “Please don’t apologise. It’s an honour for me to escort you. Plus, it’s raining. You wouldn’t want your lovely dress to get wet.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I reply, shuddering in the cold. “Thank you again. I hope you didn’t wait too long. The awards show took forever.” I dig through the silver purse for my keys. “I can take it from here. Go home, it’s late, your family’s probably waiting up for you.”

“Are you sure, Miss? I can wait if there’s no one at home..”

“Very sure.” I smiled warmly at him. I paid him handsomely, making sure I added a generous tip. He waited until I was safely inside before departing. Such a lovely gentleman. Definitely a father.

I clambered up the steps of the front porch, slowly; gritting my teeth as I concentrated on not slipping in my sky high Louboutins. I peeked through the window, seeing that it was dark inside. So Justine wasn’t home.. Oh well, maybe there’s still time for a pizza.

The lights flickered on all at once as I pushed open the door. I let out a high pitched shriek, clutching my chest as my family members came into sharper focus, screaming the word 'surprise’. I laughed through my tears as several sets of arms embraced me.

My mom, Karen, was the first to claim me. She looked younger than her fifty one years, her golden hair shining. She peppered my face with kisses, the way only a mother could. “Surprise!” She cried. “Congratulations, darling. We are so proud of you.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t know you guys would be here! When did this happen?”

“Well it wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you, now would it?” My father Gary’s blue eyes, so like mine, twinkled mischievously. He folded me into his arms for a tight bear hug. “We landed in LA this afternoon, booked a room at a hotel downtown.”

“Really? Oh my god, you guys should’ve told me. There’s plenty of room here.”

“Yes but like Dad says, it wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you.” My eldest brother, Blaine, teased. He ruffled my pixie cut, easily avoiding the punch I aimed at him. “Congrats, little sister. You look nice!”

“Thanks, bro. Where’s Meredith and Bear? Are they here too?”

“No, they’re in Louisville. They couldn’t make it but they wish they could be here. I know Bear misses his Aunt Jen.”

“Aw, well I miss him too.” I say, thinking of my cherubic, golden haired nephew. He was five years old and already a precocious child.

“Look who it is, it’s Bambi!” My brother Ben crowed, nudging me playfully in the ribs. Ever since I tripped at the Oscars in 2013, he’d taken to calling me 'Bambi’, which I secretly liked but never admitted out loud. “I saw what you did to Taylor Swift. Interrupting her, how dare you?”

“Hey, I was joking around!” I protested indignantly. “Come on, she found it funny. Plus she was very sweet about it.”

“Considering the last time we talked to her, you fangirled so much, you freaked her out.” A familiar voice teased. My heart thumped to a strange, irregular rhythm at the sound. I turned, slowly.

I’d know that voice anywhere.

There he was, standing beside my brother, hazel eyes gleaming. He wore his favourite black leather jacket and a pair of matching motorcycle gloves. He was still devastatingly handsome but it wasn’t his obvious good looks that captured my attention. It was the warm smile on his face.

“JOSH!” I shrieked joyfully, flinging myself at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close. He even smelled the same; like cinnamon. The tears started again, mingling with my laughter. “JOSHY! OH MY GOD! What are you doing here?!”

“Hey beautiful. I wanted to surprise you. Congratulate you on your award.” He chuckled, planting a kiss on my forehead. “I’m so proud of you!”

I beamed at him. “Thanks. Holy shit. I actually can’t believe you’re here! I didn’t think you’d be in LA right now.”

“Me neither. I flew in from Madrid and was going to go straight ahead to Union but then I thought I’d stop by.”

Oh, Madrid. My heart clenched painfully again. Better shut that door. He was here now. It’s all that matters.

“Don’t cry, you. It’s your big night.” Josh chided gently, brushing away my tears. “Besides, I ordered a late night feed for everyone. Feel like some good old Pizza Hut?”

“GOD YES.” I started marching towards the kitchen as fast as my dress would allow when suddenly my mother’s voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned sheepishly, catching her stern gaze.

“Jen, change. You don’t want pizza toppings all over that gown, now do you? Go now. We’re still gonna be here by the time you finish.” She said briskly, giving me a slight push in the opposite direction. “Actually, you might need help unzipping the dress. Come on, I’ll go with you.”

With no other choice, I marched up the stairs, my mother trailing behind. In my bedroom, I quickly singled out my favourite sweatpants and Louisville High sweatshirt. My mom held me by my shoulders, spinning me round until her soft fingers found the zipper.

I waited impatiently as she unzipped the dress, somehow reminded of my years as a teenager in Kentucky. After every prom, every high school dance, this was something my mom did, no matter how old I got. It was the way we talked. She’d ask me if it went well, whether I had a good time. Being the only women in the family; we shared a close bond.

Living a few states apart made me appreciate my mother’s presence even more. Once I was out of the dress, she stayed to replace it back in its plastic sheath, smoothing the folds until all the creases were out. I quickly changed into my sweatpants while she hung the dress on a hook by the door.

“Thanks for helping me out, Momma.” I say affectionately, carefully removing the Neil Lane earrings. “I missed you a lot. You know, this reminded me so much of prom. Do you remember?”

“How could I forget, honey?” She smiled fondly at me. “You’re as beautiful now as you were back then. Now I’m not just saying that because I’m your mother.”

“Yeah, I know. So how did you guys get here? Did Justine swing by to pick you up?”

“No, actually Josh did. He got in touch with her, I guess. When he did swing by, he told us he was ordering pizza, in case we were hungry.” The look in my mother’s eyes was unmistakeable. It was a look of pride, wistfulness.

“He’s great.” I say honestly. “I actually can’t believe he did all this for me.”

“Well, sweetie, he’s got a big heart. Like you. Now come on, otherwise they might eat all the pizza. And we sure as hell can’t let that happen.” She winked at me playfully, making me laugh as we descended down the stairs.

Sure enough, we found the boys playfully squabbling over the pizza. At least my brothers anyway. Josh was sitting with my dad, trash talking one of his favourite teams, the Louisville Cardinals. It was something they often did, something that made my father see him as another surrogate son.

I sat down beside my best friend, pulling the box of cheese pizza towards me. I dug into it without hesitation, nibbling on the delicious crust. “You’re not really insulting the Cardinals, are you? They’re on pretty good form at the moment, aren’t they Dad?”

“Well I think it’s time they change coaches.” Josh said, raising an eyebrow. “In basketball anyway. They gotta knock the number ones off the leader board at some point. Come on, I can’t even remember the last time the Cards won a championship.”

“Twenty thirteen, mind you.” My dad retorted playfully. “Since 1982, the Cards have been in the top five. You weren’t even born then, son, so you wouldn’t know.”

“Oh no he didn’t..” I teased in singsong as my brothers laughed.

“Yeah well, the Cats are gonna kick ass this season. I know they will. They’ve recorded over 1700 wins. AND they’re two time National Champions. I mean, granted this was back in '62. Nick Van Exel was a graduate from Cincinnati, he’s been coaching the Texas Legends since forever. We got Cats champions in the NBA, man.”

“Wow, when did you learn all this stuff?” Blaine asked, impressed.

“I do watch ESPN sometimes.” Josh chuckled. “Plus, you know I got this from my best pal, Google. Just then. I actually got scared.. I’m like 'Oh, shit. I need more basketball trivia. He’s gonna kill me with his awesome knowledge.” He shared an impish smile with my father.

My father, bless him, smiled back. “Okay enough sports, we can talk some more after the Cards kick your ass next month. Jen, honey, tell us about the Globes. Did you have fun?”

Josh pretended to be offended as he reached for another slice of pizza. “I’ll take that bet. You’ll be sorry you ever cursed the Cats.”

“Bring it on.”

“The Globes was fun.” I answered loudly, giggling. “I had a great time, acted like an obsessed fan. Stared at Meryl Streep for hours. No joke, I watched her eat, drink. I was THIS close to following her to the bathroom.”

“You’re such a weirdo.” Ben quipped, shaking his head as he chewed noisily.

“Ugh, I should not be allowed near people ever.” I laugh. “Meryl’s gonna get a restraining order put on me, I swear. But she actually congratulated me when they called my name. I almost passed out.”

“Speaking of.. I’m surprised you didn’t fall over on your way up there.” Blaine teased, roaring with laughter at the way my face reddened. “I remember last year your dress got caught on the step.”

“This year, I made sure the Dior people didn’t give me a train. Freaking hate big dresses. I swear, it’s the last time I’m wearing a dress that makes me look like a pastry.”

“Did you eat enough while you were there?” My mother asked sternly. She knew I had the tendency to neglect the basic human needs whenever I got overexcited.

“Yes, Mommy. Amy made sure I did. It’s the motherly instinct coming out of her. She was all bossy. Her partner, Darren, apologised afterwards. He said it’s because Aviana started eating solid foods recently so Amy’s making sure she eats it all.”

“Who’s Aviana?”

“Amy’s three year old daughter.” I smile, remembering the first time I’d met the bubbly little girl with tufts of bright, strawberry blonde hair. She looked exactly like Amy. “She’s a cute kid.” I snapped my fingers, remembering something. “Oh! Guess what? I met Sam Worthington.”

Josh sat up straighter, swallowing the mouthful of pizza he was eating. “You did?! Oh my god. That’s awesome.”

“Uh huh. I even got a picture with him.” I say happily, fishing my phone from the pocket of my sweatpants. I scroll quickly through the images until I found the picture, then scooted my chair closer to his. “See? We took a selfie.”

“Wow, very nice! Did you tell him we loved him in Avatar?”

“Yeah, I did. He said he really liked The Hunger Games. I almost passed out then too, I was like 'Oh god, Jake Sully just told me he liked the Hunger Games’. I texted you as soon as he left. I’m like 'Holy shit. Josh has gotta hear this.’”

He smiled, his eyes glowing. It sent a strange yet welcome warmth searing through my veins, making my heart beat a little faster than usual. “Oh yeah I did get your message. You texted me from the bathroom… I’m all 'Dude, shouldn’t you be up there presenting?’”

Laughing, I nudged his shoulder. “Well, I needed to pee. But I also needed to text you. So I thought, 'Why not do both?’”


I took another bite of my meat lovers pizza, ignoring the knowing look on my mother’s face. I had no doubt that she observed the casual exchange between us. The affectionate, almost tender, way we touched.

Despite the lateness of the hour, the conversation flowed easily. I served some coffee and rolls when the pizza was finally gone, beaming fondly at my loved ones. They chatted happily about the goings-on in their lives; so far removed from my own.

My father was amidst yet another project at his construction firm. He was building townhouses for a real estate company. He talked animatedly about concrete, bricks, cement. While my brothers rolled their eyes, I found myself listening aptly. Normality was so rare these days; my father’s talks brought that closer, even if only for a brief moment.

Blaine was navigating parenthood with my sister-in-law Meredith. So far he helped Dad out at the firm while raising their five year old, Bear. His wife was still on indefinite leave from her job as a paediatrician, holding play dates, forging friendships with other young moms in the area.

Although the summer had long since passed, my mother was still busy. She planned ahead for the coming season; adding more activities, booking venues, hiring new counsellors. As a teenager, I often assisted her, going along as a trainee counsellor when my brothers couldn’t. Now that we had our own lives however, she had a team of college graduates around her.

Wedding bells were ringing for my other brother, Ben, and my future sister-in-law, Carson. Like my parents, they still lived in Louisville, never straying far from their roots. The ranch ceremony would be held in the spring. This was something I couldn’t miss, being one of the bridesmaids.

Everyone was happy, healthy. Just as I hoped they would be.

Try as I may, I couldn’t stop myself from yawning. Against my will, the exhaustion was creeping back into my system, extinguishing what was left of the adrenaline. At first I thought I was doing well hiding my yawns, but when I stretched, my mother flicked her fingers.

“Oh, someone’s sleepy.” She said, rising from the table.

“No. No I’m not.” I protest feebly.

My mom laughed, shaking her head. “Sweetheart, you’ve been yawning for the last, oh I don’t know, ten minutes now? I think it’s time you call it a night.”

“But come on, stay. It IS a weekend, isn’t it?”

“Yeah but we’ve got a plane to catch. There aren’t many flights headed for Louisville.” Blaine reasoned, getting my mom’s message. He started gathering the empty plates, piling them on top of each other.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. It’s late anyway. We know you’ve had a long day.” Dad replied, kissing the top of my head. “You actresses need your beauty sleep.”

“Especially you. You get so crabby in the morning when you haven’t had a full twenty hours’ rest.” Ben teased, carrying the empty coffee pot into the kitchen.

“I do NOT get crabby.”

“Hah! Okay. You don’t get crabby.”

Shaking my head, I stood up to help clear away the mess. I’d spent years being the brunt of my brothers’ jokes. There were nights when I even cried over them because I was too young to understand. But now that we lived separate lives, only seeing each other when there was free time, I missed them so much more.

As tired as I was, I felt guilty having my family clear the table. But my mother insisted I relax while the men helped her with the work. So, I hung around in the living room, drifting in and out of sleep. When they were done, they each prepared to leave, grabbing coats, beanies, gloves.

My mother pulled me into her arms, holding me tight. “You were wonderful tonight, Jen. I’m proud of you, alright? Don’t forget.” She whispered, stroking my hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.” I say, feeling my throat constrict. “I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Take care, squirt.” My father said, embracing me. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Work hard but stay relaxed, okay?”

“Sure, Daddy. Thanks for coming. Really. I missed you guys tonight.”

My brothers were next, tackling me so fast I was lifted off my feet. Laughing, I screamed, begging them to put me down. When they did, they both ruffled my hair. “Go and sleep, little sister. Congrats on the Globe.” Blaine replied, grinning.

“Yeah, it’s a miracle you didn’t fall over, Bambi. Really shocking.” Ben quipped, pulling his beanie low over his head.


“Coming, Mom!”

I chuckled, watching my family walk down the path. Five minutes later, they all but disappeared into the night, leaving behind a trail of white smoke. I shuddered, closing the door. The house seemed colder without them here, less lively.

Desperately craving some warmth, I shuffled into the kitchen. To my surprise, Josh was still there, washing the dishes; his elbows caked with foam and soap. The sleeves of his plaid shirt were rolled up, revealing his fair skin.

He smiled when he saw me come in. Warmth gushed through my veins, turning my limbs into jelly, making my hands tingle. My heart skipped a beat, thumping along to some strange rhythm. I smiled back, grateful for his presence.

“What are you still doing here?” I ask, combing through the cupboards for a mug. “It’s late. You should go home. I can do all that in the morning.”

“No, don’t sweat it, Jen. I got this.” He reached for the last plate, coating it liberally in dishwashing liquid. “You’re exhausted, so I don’t mind.”

“But, you know..” My voice trailed into nothingness. There was no point arguing. I sighed, conceding defeat. I brewed some hot coca and poured myself a mug, sitting at the kitchen counter with my fingers curled around the handle. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled, drying his hands on a dish towel. “Wow, that hot cocoa smells good. Can I have some too?”

“Help yourself.”

Once he had filled up his own mug, he joined me in the living room. We sat together on the couch, talking quietly, sharing stories. Like my family, he enquired about the Globes, wondering if I had a good time. I said I did but when I reflected on the memories, I suddenly found myself wishing he was there.

If it were up to me, I would’ve stayed up longer. Exhaustion crept back into my system, making me feel so sluggish I almost spilled my hot cocoa. He pushed it out of the way before it could fall on the rug.

Strong hands steadied me by the shoulders. Half a second later, I was lying on my back, my head pillowed by a cushion, with a blanket spread over me. I vaguely registered the sound of boots scraping across the floor. Oh no, was he leaving?

“Wait, don’t go.” I say, heart thundering in my ears.

“Relax, Jen.” He murmured gently. “I just moved my boots. I’m not going anywhere, okay? Shh. It’s alright.” He sat down again beside, shifting so that he cradled my head in his lap. His soft hands brushed my hair soothingly. “Shh, it’s okay.”

My body calmed at his touch, my heartbeat returning to its regular rhythm. I yawned, turning so that my face was almost touching the fabric of his shirt. My skin tingled as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“Stay.” I whisper as the tendrils of sleep pulled me under.


anonymous asked:

I like the angst, TBH. And hey, if you're still up for cheating requests, can you do a SITS cheating fic/headcanon (your preference!) about the SITS guys cheating on MC.... And MC deciding to leave them for good... Like Ryo... Ish! Ba-Dum-Tsh! (I'm sorry, I'm a terrible human being).

Hoping this is what you were looking for! Forgive me if it’s terrible. My first headcanon for scandal. Enjoy! 😘

Possibly last one for the night, next one is proving lengthy. Hubby is home and dragging me out for Christmas returns, food shopping, and distributing NY bagels like a drug deal 😂😂😂

And PS. Writing these cheatings broke my heart, I had such a tough time, I just wanted to make them all happy together 😭

Kyohei: His head was aching. What the hell happened last night? The morning sun shining through the curtains was way too bright. He must have had more to drink than he thought last night. Keeping his eyes closed Kyohei reached over to your side of the bed, wanting to feel you close. When his arm found cold sheets, he blinked his eyes open in confusion. Sitting up in feel, running a hand through his messy bed hair, he instantly awakened seeing the state of the hotel room.

It was a mess. Clothes were everywhere, as well as alcohol bottles galore. Fuck that’s a lot of alcohol. Expensive alcohol. The two of you must have gotten drunker at the bar than you both realized, to have then raided the hotel mini fridge. As Kyohei examined the room, a flash of color caught his eye. Sliding out from under the warm sheets, he staggered closer. Bending down to pick it up for closer inspection. He was puzzled. He knew for a fact you would never wear such a naughty pair of panties. You’d be way too embarrassed at just the thought of it. So why were they here?

A buzz from his phone distracted him. Groaning as the incessant buzzing was worsening his headache, he went to see who was disturbing him. His eyes widened. It was a text from you?

“Destroy my name in the industry if you want. I’m leaving. Revance. You. Worth it if I never have to see your cheating, disgusting ass, ever again.”

Iori: You were hurrying down the street. No idea where you were going. Anywhere would do. You just had to leave, another second with them, him, would have suffocated you. A vibration in your hand startled you. Don’t know why, after all he’s been calling nonstop for the past 10 minutes. You silenced it long ago, the constant ringing giving you a headache. The vibration paused, only to start up again almost immediate. In a moment of weakness your thumb hesitated over the green answer button. Feeling the regret at once, you pressed down. Bringing the phone to your ear, you refused to greet him.

“You’re leaving me?” Iori exclaimed in a breathless whisper that stung at your heart. No. You can’t. Won’t feel bad. This is all his fault.

“You kissed her.” Replying back, your aching heart twisting reliving the moment over in your head.

“We discussed this, it was for the music video.” Iori responded, his voice empty of the believable conviction you needed. Desired. If only it was true.

“You weren’t filming Iori. I- I can’t do this anymore.” You stutter trying your best to remain strong.

“Come back. Please. We’ll talk.” Iori’s typical strong, determined, bold voice, fell immediate. It was hesitant, Heart breaking. Choked up with emotion he tries never to show. It almost got to you, it was so convincing. Biting your lip your finger hovered over the red end call button. Lingering.

“Ryo had the right idea. I can’t anymore.” Click.

Kota: “You’re jealous.” Kota eyes you with a blank expression. You groan in frustration and twist your hands together, so then won’t accidentally wring his neck.

“I’m not ‘jealous’.” You try to deny using exaggerated quotation marks with your index and middle fingers. Kota lifts an eyebrow but otherwise remains quiet. Ugh. Fighting with him is pointless. Like arguing with a blank wall.

“She’s just the lead actress.” Kota shrugs and turns to walk away, motioning for you to follow. You stomp your foot and stubbornly remain in place. He was not getting away with this because he refused to fight. His attitude was causing a desire to do a drastic action to build up inside.

“Who you were kissing! Kota! Don’t you see what’s wrong with this?”

“It was practice.” Another damn shrug. Your temper was burning at the surface, ready to let loose.

“No, she’s a skank trying to get into your pants. She’s clearly using you for the attention.” Kota remains poker faced through your accusations, which rises an eye roll from you. “Whatever. Remain oblivious but I won’t be walked over and cheated on for the sake of fame. We’re through.” Turned about you go to leave the residence. A feeling of satisfaction swells up as Kota’s eyes widen, as if the impact of the situation finally hit him. How unfortunate it’s far too late.

Takashi: “Takashi! How could you?” Tears overflowed and rolled down your cheeks. Your hands were clenched tight against your chest. It hurt. Everything hurt. Takashi stepped forward his arms outstretched, as if wanting to soothe your pain. It was way too late for comfort. Yelling at him to stop halted him in place. Turning aside so you only half faced him, half ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.

“I’m sorry.” His whispered words pounded in your head. Bouncing. Baffling you.

“Sorry can’t take back the fact that you slept with another woman Takashi!” You screamed back, knowing the rest of Revance could overhear this disaster occurring. He deserves it. They should know what kind of person their respected ‘leader’ is.

“Literally… slept.” Takashi mumbles. Repeating his same argument, as if it made it any better. Busy arguing within yourself, you realized Takashi had braved on. Trying to defend his actions. “- inspired, I didn’t know. Was lost composing.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” Furiously wiping away your tears, taking a deep shaky breath and trying your best to remain strong. “How do you think it made me feel? Coming to find you, only to discover you sleeping away, cuddling with someone else?”

“We didn’t do anything.” Takashi stepped forward once again, his hand skimming your arm when you panicked. Almost tripping yourself to step away.

“No. Don’t. I can’t trust you anymore.” Flinging open the door with a loud bang. Flying down the steps, prepared to head straight for the door. Needing to escape, to breathe, to leave all this behind. Ignoring the rest of Revance, who were lingering somber at the bottom landing, not caring they were caught overhearing. Avoiding their outstretched hands, ready and wanting to comfort.

“Find someone else. I can’t be Ryo anymore.”

Strictly fangirling 2014 : Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart

I am a big picture kind of girl. I need to put things down in a big picture/single chart like this. Call it occupational hazard or habit. Halfway through the making of this chart, it just makes me realised that it is rather pointless because the BASE of analysis is from questionable sources, fans and paparazzi having their agendas in publishing the content and dates of the photos.

I have long given up reading the content and headlines of tabloids. My habit of screening through lies and BS is like this, ANY pictures or headlines with watermark or headlines from any tabloids are skipped over and ignored as noise (I have written a long list and realised that I should not help publicise their names) instead I will tell you which are the lists I go to for trustworthy news; BBC, Russian Times, NYtimes, you will be surprised I do follow People sometimes, but still question their credibility. They are lesser of scums in entertainment industry (in my opinion).  A side note, their treatment of this Twigbert story? Only once is the showmance given a report, that is when google glasses video was first released with a ‘reportedly’/’supposedly’ gf of Robert Pattinson. The poor woman in the video was not even given a headline. And throughout the report, it sounded like a standard piece of public release for the new google glass advert video, which sounded eerily similar in all forms of media (current news/technology news/entertainment news). By the way for those interested, when two venture capitalists pull out of google glass venture, it is as good as dead. So another failure to launch in one of many technology products and gadgets in the world, but hey publicity is what it is, there are risks and no guarantees. It is a personal consumer choice and industry competitiveness, not to embrace something so invasive even it seems like a good idea. It is a win for all parties when everyone got publicity and we all know what it is now.

Highlighted red are official functions/events or filming locations. I considered Rob’s work with FKA Twigs work related (highlighted orange). Need me to justify why she is considered work then read my previous posts, or check out DIDY, HKN, SRWN who offer all forms of analysis and explanations in different forms and styles.

Casual Observations (just based on pictures/sightings) pictures:

Kristen Stewart :                                                                  

  • High usage of umbrellas especially during Still Alice (March 2014) and Clouds of Sils Maria filming (2013)
  • Always with a companion on locations in private/public functions before May
  • Always in baggy clothes, layered, and no longer spotted with signature knotted T-shirt before May (in all paparazzi photos). The knotted T-shirt returned in late summer.  In a handful of official assignments, the ingenious work of Tara (Kristen’s stylist) showcased the fuller, thicker waist of Kristen with a small bump ‘in your face’, depending on the angle
  • THE video with the bump moving in a THR shoot (also Kristen was in long sleeves and always in a jacket for photo shoots prior May)

Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson: Apparent lack of sightings from mid-April till end-May (Cannes Film Festival). Last seen Rob’s photo is on 15th April (Rob at Sam Smith Concert/LA) till Cannes in May. Kristen (unless you trust the dates of Nola and American Ultra papped photos), non-existent in April until a quick MET appearance with Riley as chaperone on 6th May, and then came out glorious in Cannes. Both only turned up for official work functions.

Information from social media

  • Pic of Rob with an Australian fan in January/LA (taken by Kristen according to him) with the message of asking for privacy while he (Rob) awaits the birth of his first child.
  • A blur video of Rob and Kristen running (from paparazzi?) in NYC when Kristen was shooting Still Alice and Rob was supposedly in Toronto for the shooting of Life. And a pic with (yes an umbrella again) Rob and Kristen in NYC back/side view by the roadside/traffic light.
  • Casual mention of ‘his wife’ (Kristen) from a Dior rep by a fan’s encounter when innocently asked about Florabotanica’s availability and retail locations.
  • A supposedly snide remark of ‘his little wife’ from the bride of Bobby Long (Rob’s friend) in one of her twitter slip-up during a war of words with fans on her wedding night.

Well, these are just some known information in my radar, some have been removed (assumed purchased by Rob’s/Kristen’s team/minions) and not released, while those still remain true to their encounters and stood by their stories.

# Fact: Robert and Kristen are married and have a child. 

If you are accepting this as a fact, and then want to believe that Rob and Twig is NOT a showmance then you are deducing:

  • Rob is an adulterer, or he has divorced his wife (doubt he will even publicly admit he has a child)
  • Rob is so in love he doesn’t mind giving the gossips and tabloids stories of his personal life before the lens
  • Rob is fine with his supposedly girlfriend’s multiple hook-ups and open attraction to other people while in a ‘romantic’ relationship with him. 

When a fan like me starts accusing someone of being a cheater or adulterer, it makes me a fool and hypocrite in every sense because 1) I don’t know these people personally in this supposedly affair. 2) I do not have a right to draw conclusions on people’s personal lives, nor any business in it. There is simply NO foundation for my judgement or defence of their personal relationships because I don’t know them! That is a very serious claim to accuse someone of cheating. Adultery can only be concluded and determined with physical DNA evidence (like an illegitimate child – Arnold Schwarzenegger), and/or confessions. Confessions to God, and to your spouse/partner, no one else because there is no one else involved in that relationship. Any other stories and judgements are just nosy gossips, people who do not look at their own relationships honestly or truthfully.

I should not defend any one’s relationship or their status just like no one else has the right or knowledge to know of mine.

Given the information of Rob and Kristen from the general media and social media I can only see what is given to me, a picture tells a thousand words but makes up of lots of lies too. Being a supporter of Rob and Kristen I will only believe what are the messages behind words coming out from their own mouths (as in videos or interviews and press junkets and official media appearances).  The last we have of public Rob giving interviews is in August for the promotion of The Rover, Kristen has been in public appearances and interviews due to the timing and release of her movies, including the Oscar run Sony is running for her.

So I can only give you the professional milestones/accolades they have in 2014, from publicly available  information.

Many people ask ‘why the PDA?’ Rob and Kristen both said their relationship is not for sale, and they do not want to cheapen it by talking about it. In other words, when there is PDA, it is for SALE, meant to be talked about, so you know who FKA Twigs is. IF there were no PDA, no one would talk about it, tabloids will not hound them, no money shots to be made for sale, then FKA twigs does not get the exposure (mainstream news or not, it is what the internet news is for!) Rob is an actor by profession and choice, his very private moments with Kristen were sold and splashed across tabloids for years without his permission, with his and Kristen’s safety and privacy compromised. He ducked down quickly when spotted the paparazzi filming his private moments with Kristen in Cannes 2012 at the balcony, he was extremely pissed when heard of the pictures of his private moments at his own house with Kristen, friends and their dogs (that is why they MOVED people!). Today he is giving paparazzi the best angle, without even working for it by wearing matching clothes, standing right next to the windows, looking in love, and smiling and joking before the lenses.  

In case one is wondering if Rob is the only one pitching storylines for the paps, well I can confidently say 60% of those Kristen’s pictures from the paparazzi were of Kristen and Alicia. The timing of the dual ‘sightings’ cannot be ignored because Rob and Kristen will be missing in action, radio silence for a period of time, and when Rob/Twigs photos appear, Kristen will be out and about with friends too( usually Alicia). I have no idea if Rob and Kristen are working with or against these paparazzi. But one thing is for sure, they are using each other for their own benefits.

It takes a village to raise a child; it also takes a village to protect one. Not one of Rob or Kristen’s inner circle or family has hummed a word or dismissed the ‘phantom child’ as non-existent. Previously all the gossips and headlines that raised the issue of a pregnant Kristen during their movies’ promotion (during BD1 or 2 junket press or talk shows), they were just picked up and laughed at by RK themselves. These days, private lives are strictly-forbidden topics, besides pets/parents. When a host in an American morning show (2013) out rightly asked Rob if he is still with Kristen he glared and retorted ‘Which part of the contract stipulated that this question needs to be addressed (along that line)’, and Kristen cryptically said in another interview to ‘keep them guessing’. I always see Rob as the tighter-lipped one, and extremely protective. So multiply that many times when there is a little one involved. Good job Rob on this divide and conquer strategy! ‘Can’t beat them, join them’ for the paparazzi in selling the story YOU want.

In conclusion, 2014 has been an extremely productive year for Kristen Stewart. Rob met with some challenges and obstacles beyond his control, but he will survive this rise and fall of stardom with his close knitted friends and family. Here are a list of New Year wishes I have of Rob and Kristen:

1) Nothing gets cancelled for any movies that Rob/Kristen has signed on for. I pray for no schedule conflicts, smooth pre-production, production, post-production and business-smart distributors.

2) I hope to hear more of Rob’s and Kristen’s music projects, new songs, new album, new music. (However, I refuse to like LP1/FKA Twigs, just not my cup of tea, sorry Rob!)

3) To catch a glimpse of Kristen’s art, like her painting, more poetry, cook book, any writing or book.

4) I hope no loved ones get hurt in this strange obsessive world and fandom of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Not only Rob and Kristen’s family and friends, but also the fans’ own family/friends.

A tall wish but as a fan I hate to go to tabloid and paparazzi sources for  information, I wish they have a channel to address directly to fans. Then again, knowing how divided fans are and how rabid some can be, the resources to keep an honest open public dialogue are too high and dangerous. Not to mention how private these two are. Here‘s to hoping!    

*Disclaimer: I am not remotely related or connected to Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart, not even by a 6 degree of separation. Nor do I have insiders’ or exclusive information.

This is for @deadherokillianjones for being an amazing person okay. I hope this isn’t a trope you hate lol (although you’re the one who mentioned it once so lets see). If you do then just read the little smut part.

It’s not something a little girl dreams to be, or a very respectful profession, or something Emma can proudly gloat over, but it is what it is. It pays her bills and more and well, she is considered the best.

Emma Swan is a pornstar. A fucking good one at it – having won a few “best performance”, “best body”, “best moans” awards, and surely makes the list of lonely men whose only source of pleasure is watching her fucking another guy (or girl) on screen.

Emma was packing up her bags, changed into her normal clothes (yes pornstars do wear normal jeans and shirts and not just skimpy skirts, or lingerie), when her manager Robin barged in. Making Robin her manager was one of the best decisions of her life since he was a genuinely nice guy who respected her and treated her well, unlike most men in the industry.

“Emma you have to do this – Regina just said the organizers agreed to pay double” he said, holding his phone up to show the e-mail the woman had sent him.

“The guy’s arrogant and cocky” Emma shook her head, “I can’t stand him”

“Well, you just have to have sex with him once and then never see him again” he whined, “This will be a huge fucking deal for both of you and you know it!”

She knew it.

Killian Jones, better known with his porn name moniker Hook (the man had one hand and once he wore a hook on his stump instead of his prosthetic causing an uproar at how much people liked it) was the hot talk of the business. He had taken the porn industry with a wave, his own act, his extremely good looks, and the way he treated his fellow women porn stars had drew in female audiences as well.

She first met him at the awards function about four months ago, him winning the same awards as hers for the male side. He’d been cocky, arrogant, and flirted endlessly with her. But she didn’t hate him for that; being a female pornstar she was used to such behavior, and much worse.

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Tom Ford Beauty’s Director of Innovation and Product Development is serving us luxe summer beauty, sunny side up.

You’ll find that behind every top-rated product, there is a beauty innovator who first dreamt it up. One such originator is Tom Ford Beauty’s very own Philippe Chansel. He’s the man behind the new Soleil Collection—a posh summer line for beauty on the bright side. The Sephora Glossy caught up with Chansel to learn how the collection embodies a “forever summer” attitude, what’s next in beauty trends, and more. JESSICA VELEZ

The Soleil Collection is the first Tom Ford Beauty color collection at Sephora. Tell us what makes your makeup line amazing and one of a kind.

“What makes Tom Ford Beauty amazing and one of a kind is Tom Ford, the person. He has a very particular view of beauty for women and men that is glamorous, seductive, and sophisticated. He is inspired by the ’70s and the ’20s, both very glamorous and hedonistic eras.”

What’s it like to work with Tom Ford?

“Amazing, obviously! He is very busy and spends a lot of time at his studio in London, and he is currently working on his new film. He is very clear on what he wants and definitely has a vision for whatever he is working on—including beauty. He is open to seeing new formulas and concepts, but in the end it is always his final decision. He truly gives the line a point of view.”

What’s an average day like for you as the Director of Innovation and Product Development?

“My days can vary quite a bit. Some days are spent working with the lab, others reviewing new product submissions, while others are spent in meetings with marketing and education. I travel a fair amount, but mostly I’m looking for what’s new and cool in products.”

What inspired the Soleil Collection?

“Tom Ford came up with the idea of Soleil because of the way he works in fashion. He does cruise/resort collections and so he thought, ‘Why not do it with beauty, just like the spring and fall collections?’ In the world we live in now where people travel so much, it is always summer somewhere!”

What do you love about the Tom Ford Beauty Soleil Collection Bronzing Powder?

“I really love the formula—it is jet-milled and super fine with a sheerness to it that allows it to look very natural on skin. It is easily buildable to your desired shade and never streaks or blotches.”

How did you come to choose the shades of the Ultra-Rich Lip Colors?

“The shades were chosen with the idea of a woman on a private island with bronzed skin and minimal but glamorous makeup. The formula has a lot of pigment, so you get instant color and a thin film so it feels lightweight at the same time.”

How does the Tom Ford Beauty Soleil Collection Radiant Moisture Soufflé reenergize skin after it’s been in the sun?

“The soufflé rehydrates the skin as well as re-energizes with the Infusing Complex, which is comprised of energin, caffeine, and noni extract. The soufflé also contains very fine gold pearls, so upon application your skin is instantly radiant, vibrant, and energized.”

The casings are so luxurious. What was the inspiration behind the packaging design?

“When Tom Ford started his own brand he set out to be the first true luxury brand of the 21st century, so when it came to his beauty line, he wanted packaging that looked and felt truly luxurious.”

How do you predict beauty trends? Any hints on what the next big thing in beauty will be?

“There is no science to predicting trends, but in general I follow fashion, see manufacturers regularly, read forecasting books, and listen to what women are looking for. As far as what’s coming, there are new pigment technologies and new formulas in foundations that will make them look and feel more real—which is perfect for our Instagram-obsessed society!”

What mark do you want to leave on the beauty industry?

“I hope I bring innovation and beauty to everything I do.”


[Eng Trans] Nichkhun’s Interview in Elle Men Thailand - September 2015 Issue

[THAI-ENG: Daffodil0624]


Two police cars led three vans to Ritz-Carlton Residences’ showroom in Thonglor. We were a little flabbergasted by JYPE staff’s meticulous preparation. Nichkhun wore a Hawaiian print shirt, well-fitting jeans, and sneakers. His hair was dyed and set in ‘baby curly’ style.  His relaxed manner contrasted with his bodyguards’ serious demeanor. Nichkhun told us he was surrounded by many bodyguards only in Thailand.

Nichkhun was among those who boosted the Korean Wave in Thailand. After frequently relocating (to many countries) when he was young, he has integrated multicultural (Thai, American, Chinese, and Korean) identities and experiences. Thus, he was different from most singers and actors. Nichkhun became an ambassador of various brands but he has not done many works in Thai entertainment business. However, having Nichkhun as a member of 2PM, one of the leading boy bands in Asia, has made people realize 2PM have succeeded not only domestically but also internationally. Nichkhun was dearly loved by fans since he began his career as an entertainer in 2006 until now. He was ranked among Top 10 most desirable and hardest working stars in Korea.

Elle Men has spent one whole day with Nichkhun in July. We found out he possessed many positive attributes that garnered love from fans and we did not mean his handsomeness.

He had so much more than his physical appearance.

ELLE MEN:  Have you come back to Thailand often?

Nichkhun: I come back when I have a schedule here. I haven’t stayed at my house for a long time. My house is located on Phutthamonthon Sai  3 Road which is very far away. The last time I stayed at my house is 3-4 years ago.

ELLE MEN:  So you rarely come home.

Nichkhun: My room does not exist any longer. (Laugh) I gave my room to my brother and sisters.

ELLE MEN:  How is your everyday life these days?

Nichkhun:  Most of my works are in overseas now. My daily routine is different. It all depends on my work. I may have to wake up early if I stay in Korea and I have to appear on music shows. We will do a sound check, get our hair and makeup done, do a camera rehearsal, and wait for live recordings. We finish our work at 6PM. But nowadays, we rarely appear on TV programs. We spend most of our time performing concerts in Japan.

ELLE MEN:  You work more frequently in China too.

Nichkhun: Yes. I have been filming for a drama or variety shows. For a drama, my daily activities depend on each day’s filming schedules, like how many scenes or which scenes I have to shoot. I am quite surprised with my activities in China. At first I had no idea I had that level of popularity in China. When we performed our concerts there, it seemed I had the most fans. I was astounded that I had so many fans. I have a large number of followers on Weibo too. So I think I should work more in China. The feedback from my fans is awesome. Thus, I have continued to work there. When I filmed for a drama, I would speak my lines in both English and Chinese. I tried to memorize my lines and act in Chinese. I would write my script in Pinyin, the official Mandarin romanization system. I don’t know the exact meaning of every word but I can understand them pretty well.

Nichkhun: The director told me I could speak my lines in English but I know they have to dub my dialogue in Chinese. I want my mouth to move in sync with the original Chinese dialogue. It will be easier for my co-actors to understand what I am saying. I have to say it is very arduous. There are 30 episodes for my drama. I had to spend several months preparing for the drama. Most of the final scripts would be ready close to the filming day. At times the scripts were changed while we were filming too.

ELLE MEN:  Some people said Nichkhun had never filmed for a Korean drama because of the language.

Nichkhun: Yes. Language is certainly one of the reasons.  I can’t play the roles that Daniel Henney (a Korean American actor) took because I am not a Westerner. But Koreans seem to think I am Korean now. (Laugh) Many people seem to forget I am Thai. So people may not believe in my acting if I take some roles. Conflicting work schedule is also a reason.

ELLE MEN:  Korean entertainment business is fiercely competitive. You are in the Korean showbiz too. Have you ever been stressed out?

Nichkhun:  Hmm… now and again, especially in the beginning. During the time I wanted to be well-known, to be popular, to win the first place, and to triumph over some groups. But after reaching a certain point of success, we have stopped aiming to do what people like. We prefer to do what we like, whether it’s music producing or acting. If we think this work is marvelous for us, we will do it. Previously, we were worried if people would like songs or dance routines that we chose. But these days, we have produced works that we enjoyed.  We have chosen songs that the six of us liked. Then later on we would discuss if our fans or the public would like them. That’s the way we work now.

ELLE MEN: It has been many years since 2PM debuted. You guys have possibly passed the highest point in your career.  The number of album sales has decreased.  The demand for your appearances may be diminished. Will these factors affect your future works?

Nichkhun: They have made us anxious from time to time. But we don’t think we have to compete with certain groups. We prefer to compete with ourselves. And each member of 2PM has planned his future activities. Five of us have to fulfill the mandatory military service within the next 2-3 years. Jun. K, Taecyeon, and I are of the same age. Thus both of them will enlist in the army first. Then other members who are 1-2 years younger will follow suit. When the day arrives, we will consider what we should do next.

Nichkhun:  It means we will be apart for a while. Therefore we are trying to make the most of the next 2-3 years. We have planned our albums and concert tours. Right now our schedules are all packed until next year. We are trying to do our best. And there is no point stressing out about it.

ELLE MEN: How do you manage conflicts within your group? You guys have maintained good relationships for over 7 years, since the day you released your first single ‘Hottest Time of the Day’ in 2008.

Nichkhun: In our group, seniority is not that important. We are friends. When problems arise, we will gather together to discuss them. We will frankly point out any wrongdoings or what we dislike. Each of us will talk for mutual understanding. This is the system we have used since the beginning. Working side by side, we can be frustrated or angry with one another on occasion. When it’s too much to handle, we will talk about the problems. We will talk so we can understand one another. And we will adapt ourselves to achieve harmony. We have never physically fought it out.

Nichkhun: A senior friend once asked if any punches were thrown within our group. When I said never, he was surprised. Korean men are quite hot-tempered. They punch each other in the face and later drink soju together. That’s it. They can be friends again. Older generation of Korean men are like that. 2PM is a family. We are very close. We can almost read one another’s mind. I think one day when we don’t work together anymore, we will still keep in touch. Like when we have not met for a while, we would find time to have a meal or play golf together. 

ELLE MEN: Is it difficult being a superstar in Korea?

Nichkhun: You have to be careful about many things. If I am going to have a meal with a woman who is not my girlfriend, I have to ask someone to accompany me. People will misunderstand if someone takes a photo of me sharing a meal with her. I think it’s the same everywhere. I am fed up with this kind of things now and then.  There are so many things I want to do but after repeatedly pondering about them, I just give up. I am tired of thinking about these issues.

ELLE MEN:  Have you planned what you will do in the future? Will you have solo work? Will you set up your own business that has nothing to do with music industry?

Nichkhun: Hmmm… I have thought of them once in a while. But in fact, I honestly never thought I would make this much money. Even when I was a child, I didn’t think I wanted a lot of money. So I am quite surprised when I think about it. I never wanted to be a hectomillionaire. What I have today is more than enough. If I start my own business, I could lose a lot of money. When you run a business, stress and worry are to be expected. I may not be an artist in the future but I don’t think I will get involved with any huge projects. I will perhaps own a small business.

ELLE MEN: Have you ever thought you don’t want to work in the showbiz any longer?

Nichkhun: I have constantly thought about it. If I don’t work in the entertainment business, what should I do to earn consistent income?  I don’t like to do anything too risky. And I don’ know how long I am going to work in this field.

ELLE MEN: I have heard Park Jin-young, the founder of JYP Entertainment, has plans for artists who want to work in other fields.

Nichkhun: He has tried to help. He wants us to learn about business too. Park Jin-young was born to be an artist so he continues to produce music. But he knows this kind of work style may not suit others. He has asked us what we want to do if we are not an artist any longer.

ELLE MEN: You said you didn’t like taking risks. But taking this career path during the time was a risky life choice.

Nichkhun: It was risky. (Laugh) But when I first started working in the showbiz, I didn’t have many risks. I might possibly waste my time but I could go back to continue my studies. However, now I have so many things to consider; fame, money, and my family. It would be regrettable if I lose them all, wouldn’t it? I have worked very hard to earn all that money.

Nichkhun: Today I have talked about money several times. (Laugh) But I don’t think I am obsessed with money. Some people don’t like it when stars talk about their income or when stars show off expensive things they purchase. I agree that showing off your new car seems over the top. But I don’t think it’s shameful to talk about our hard earned money.

ELLE MEN: You are approaching the big 3-0. In general, when men become older, they tend to think of ways to take care of their family. People in the entertainment world certainly realize that celebrity is transient. What will you do when you reach 35?

Nichkhun: I have talked with my mother about this. I will probably buy lands in the countryside and build a home there. I think of growing and selling my own fruits too. But I have to consider these plans carefully.

ELLE MEN: Do you think you will come back to live in Thailand? Will you stay in Korea or move to California?

Nichkhun: I am not sure. If one day I get married, I will have to think about it. It depends on many factors.

ELLE MEN: So you have thought of getting married.

Nichkhun: Not yet. I am afraid of getting married. Two people have to adjust themselves in order to live together. And sometimes it may not work out. It is especially difficult when you are a celebrity. It will be troublesome if you tie the knot and later you and your spouse decide to part ways. So before getting married, I have to seriously decide if I am sure.

ELLE MEN: But it will be difficult if you have a child very late in life. Don’t you want to have children?

Nichkhun: I haven’t decided yet. My father said scarcity of natural resources, especially water and oil, would become a serious global problem in the future. So I have to think carefully. Having children may not be the answer. My children may encounter difficulties more than me. But I have no intentions of having children anytime soon. Right now I will concentrate on my work.

ELLE MEN: When you were young, you moved to several countries and changed schools often. You grew up in diverse societies. How does it affect you?

Nichkhun: I don’t have many close friends. I was born in the USA and moved to Thailand when I was two years old. During the time, my parents didn’t own a house. They decided to rent my aunt’s townhouse. My parents said they wanted to have their own house and finally bought a house when I was 9. I lived in our house at Phutthamonthon for 3-4 years. Then I went to study in New Zealand for 2 years. I studied at high school in the USA and went to work in Korea. I relocated many times.

Nichkhun: One advantage is that I can easily adapt myself to new situations and people. I know how to behave when I meet new people. I tend to be neutral at first and don’t really reveal my true self to them. If I feel I want to be friends with this person, then I will gradually open up. I was lonely at first. But after moving many times, I have decided it gives me opportunities to learn new things.

ELLE MEN: South Korea has become your home too.

Nichkhun: It is another home of mine. Thailand, America, and South Korea are all my homes.

ELLE MEN:  Have you been back to America often?

Nichkhun: Once a year. I still have my relatives there. My sisters and I travelled in America 3-4 months ago. We drove around the city in a rental car. It was fun. Sometimes it is nice to live in a world where people don’t know you.

ELLE MEN: I have heard you like to play golf.

Nichkhun: Yes. Nowadays, I have played golf with Chansung. Many Koreans come to Thailand to play golf. We have planned to come to work in Thailand one day and play golf on the next day. (Laugh)

ELLE MEN: Why do you like to play golf?

Nichkhun: I have played badminton since I was a child. One day my father said he wanted us to learn a new sport. Then he took all of us to a golf course. My father told us golfers didn’t get badly injured (as much as other athletes). If we played excellently, we could earn money and have a long career ahead of us. I liked golf after playing it just once. It’s a sport that you don’t have to compete with others. You compete against yourself. When you are on a golf course, you are surrounded by nature. Nobody asks for your photo.

ELLE MEN:  You sister (‘Cherreen’ Nachjaree Horvejkul) has started to work more regularly in the entertainment business. Are you worried about this?

Nichkhun: In the beginning, I was opposed to the idea. I know it is tiring. I know how much her life will change. People want to be a star because they want to be famous, to be wealthy. I told her what it was like. But I have realized my sister is happy while doing her job. She likes to act, to be in front of the camera. She has diligently worked hard and dedicated to her work. My father told me Cherreen woke up late when she had to go school. But she would be very prompt for a filming. My father was pretty surprised with her. I think it’s great she has a chance to work when she is young. I started working very early too. If you can handle it well, this career will enrich your life experience.

Nichkhun: My father has always reminded me that, even though I didn’t study at any university, right now I have a doctorate degree from life experiences. I am the master of my own life. I am blessed to have such open-minded parents.

ELLE MEN:  If today you had not been a celebrity, what would you like to do?

Nichkhun: I would have become a photographer. I liked to take photos since I was young. Or I would have pursued a career as a pianist.

ELLE MEN: How do you imagine yourself when you reach 50?

Nichkhun: Hmmm I should live happily. I should not have to work then. I will take a rest. As I told you, I don’t need a whole lot of money. I should have enough money and live comfortably. I may live in California. I am very relaxed while being there. I feel like I can cast aside all mental burdens. I won’t need anything much by that time.

ELLE MEN:  When the day comes and your fame fades away, will you lose your self-confidence?

Nichkhun: I don’t think fame is everything. Of course, being loved is a blessing. But living freely is the ultimate happiness in life. My fans should understand me. If I am 50 years old and I still have to work as an entertainer, I will probably do it. But I think at that point I should be tired and want to take a break.

ELLE MEN: How long do you plan to keep on working very hard like this?

Nichkhun: Maybe 5 years, until I reach 32. Or I may keep on working vigorously until I reach 35. (Laugh) It’s just a thought. I don’t know if I will have any work schedule. Will my popularity decline? At the moment, I will continue to work until I reach a saturation point.

ELLE MEN: Today you are still happy.

Nichkhun: I am happy. I am still in a position where I can choose works that I want to do. I can refuse works I don’t want to do. I am trying to choose works or roles that will make me happy. I really don’t think of money all that much.

[THAI-ENG: Daffodil0624]


Mizuhara Kiko Gets "Posh", Grazia China, May 28th 2014

Written by Celine Wang. Translated by Mika/fuku-shuu, thank you so much!

She is the one foreign star GRAZIA has covered diligently, and we have crossed borders again and again for the opportunity to photograph her.

Because she really is “major” - even with no headlines or significant ambitions, her popularity never wanes, while both fashion and entertainment industries continue to adore her. If this isn’t the definition of noteworthy, then we’ll really have to modify its meaning in the dictionary. Yes, Mizuhara Kiko is officially posh.

First of all, GRAZIA must face the truth - that is, other than “silly” rumors, Mizuhara Kiko has not had much public exposure or discussion for the past six months. The closest she has been to her Chinese fans was when she attended the new Miu Miu store opening in Hong Kong earlier this year. Other than that, everyone has become dependent on her daily selfies on instagram to fulfill their curiosities. So, it’s a good thing that as soon as you meet her in person, the conversation topics surface automatically.

As usual, we meet up with Kiko herself at her agency. She dons a white sports jacket, American Apparel’s black jeans, and Saint Laurent’s mini motorcycle bag. Between a pair of casually-tied braids, she’s bareface and still as playful as ever, but with some additional degrees of elegance. After hair, makeup, and discussion on the day’s plans, Kiko quickly enters professional mode. The photographer asks, “Please run to a point 100 meters away.” - and she takes off without a single word; the editor requests, “Circle around twice with the bicycle.” - and Kiko rides along without shifting her expression towards the camera. No extra communications necessary, and no instances of her being flighty or playing coy. The whole photoshoot ends efficiently, professionally — what is going on? This seems to be quite a 180 from the vivacious, quirky young woman we saw the past two times!

“Maybe she really is too tired, especially after these past six months.” Her management team tells us. The topic of this shoot is “vacation,” but Kiko has not had a single night’s rest for a whole year. After filming “Trick the Movie: Last Stage” in 2013, she immediately went to work on the drama “Shitsuren Chocolatier.” Less than a month after that project wrapped, she already ventured into a new production. And this doesn’t even take into account her usual photoshoots and fashion endeavors. During February’s Milan Fashion Week, she was invited to walk for the brand Moschino. “It wasn’t really too complicated. One day we suddenly received the request from the designer’s staff via phone, and it’s a brand I love very much, so we agreed pretty quickly.” Kiko says. According to insiders, when it comes to accepting jobs in fashion, Kiko never overthinks - in her mind, it’s usually a “favor for a friend.” And in regards to the endless amount of complimentary, beautiful garb, she doesn’t attempt to hide anything, “I have quite a few friends who are designers or work in the business, so they just give me a lot of clothes.”

What deserves a mention is that in the primetime series “Shitsuren Chocolatier,” the young woman Kiko portrays happens to be a lively, straightforward model - Erena. Even though this series didn’t get an official braodcast in China, Kiko’s own appeal, on top of the immense popularity of Matsumoto Jun and Ishihara Satomi, cause it to swiftly became one of the hottest shows abroad. Erena’s relationship view of “Sex is separate from love, while confessions should be courageous” also inspired heated chatter among fans. The craziest ones even made a database of all her spoken lines and the individual pieces she wore throughout the show. “I really admire girls like Erena, and that was what attracted me to the series in the first place. In real life, I probably wouldn’t be so direct. My feelings are more slowburn, and I need ample time to understand or like someone. The most important quality I look for is a person who can give me comfort and happiness when we’re together. And if said person has good fashion sense, then it’s even better.” Says Kiko. As for all the love scenes with Matsumoto Jun, she admits she was quite nervous: “I felt quite shy, so I always asked Jun for advice. But he always told me, ‘Even if embarrassed, we have no choice, right?’ Ah! It was a revelation, and I realized that I had to be more professional.”

Despite her breakout role as Midori in “Norwegian Wood,” Kiko’s film and TV projects, or even her amount of screentime in each, aren’t actually too numerous. But each character is a new challenge: “Because I’m still a novice in terms of acting, I always want to try a lot of different roles. I’m never the main character, anyhow, so right now there wouldn’t be a case where a film’s box office tanked because of me alone. Even if that does happen eventually, I can’t really help the fact - I can only focus on how to portray my characters well.”

The latest news is that Kiko is going to have the starring role in an action film. “It really is a huge challenge, but I’ve wanted to be part of one for so long, and now I finally get the opportunity.” Right now, she has to undergo three to four hours of wire work and fight training on a daily basis. In addition, she also has to complete muscle-building routines at the gym. Even though the concealer hid much of it, during the photoshoot, we still saw hints of the bruises on her legs. “I don’t know if I’ve grown up - that’s probably better for others to judge. The director for every project is different, so every time I enter a production I start from a blank slate. What I can be certain is that I’m totally confident in memorizing lines now!”

Insiders of the Japanese entertainment industry tell GRAZIA that Kiko is already at the very top in terms of female entertainers in Japan. Even though she’s not a “Queen” yet, she definitely has the momentum of a successor. 1.2 million Instagram fans, appearances at all the major fashion events, designing for brands like Diesel, Reebok, and Opening Ceremony on the side, and those endless magazine covers month after month. With such a gigantic following propelling her, what does the 23-year-old Mizuhara Kiko have to worry about? Perhaps, doing what she wishes is the best choice for now, because anything is possible. Just as she says, “My job has a model helped me accumulate a lot of experience, but I can’t do it for my entire life. I must use whatever I’ve learned in other places. I don’t know what those are yet, but right now acting is making me very happy, so I’ll do this for now.”

So a while ago, I wrote a silly little post about DC and Marvel, and compared them to, well, douchy college students. With Marvel showing some GLIMMER of social understanding and progression. Barely. Sometimes.

And with DC showing absolutely no comprehension of the modern state of things what-so-ever, especially when it comes to women.

Sometimes people find these posts. And take offence. And make posts that include phrases like, “It’s far more likely that they’re ultra feminists that got pissed and screamed misogny due to seeing one too many Power Girl tit shots, which is ironic because they’re the ones always talking about how you shouldn’t judge a woman’s character based on her manner of dress.”

(considers that)

Yeah, the phrase ‘tit shots,’ and the fact that you end the comment with 'Stay small, Marvel dick riders,’ makes me think that you’re a welcoming presence here in the comics fandom. I’m assuming, commentor, that you do so enjoy the company of women. But perhaps, they do not enjoy your company. I’m certainly not, but I’m just one woman, and I would never presume to speak for other women.

However, the argument that DC’s rich history (commentor brings up Lois Lane, Wonder Woman and Black Canary) makes up for their current business decisions (Lois was almost completely shut out of the Superman 50th Aniversary and has been shuffled off to the side so that Supes can bone WW which seems to just be embarrassing for everyone, Black Canary is still running around in a leotard and fishnets, and rumor has it that Diana will be severely de-powered in her appearance in the upcoming Batman/Superman movie) is just nonsense.

In the interests of full disclosure, I do not read DC comics. I have said, and I will continue to say: I do not believe DC wants my money. I have not seen anything, read anything, or been told anything by friends or the media, that convinces me otherwise. I do not believe they want my money, which is a shame, because my comic shop haul is now up to a good 16 titles, and they’re all Marvel. Now, that’s not much compared with some, but it is money that DC is choosing to leave on the table.

And they are choosing to do so. By continuing to make certain that most of their iconic female characters still have costumes that make me uncomfortable. By killing off, deleting, or refusing to acknowledge their female characters. By sexualizing suicide. By canceling cartoons because too many girls were watching them. By bad treatment (even by industry standards) of their creative teams. By setting up 'romances’ that are clearly aimed at titilating a certain portion of the fanbase, and eliminating long standing relationships in favor of doing this.

But mostly, by greenlighting another Batman/Superman film. Have you counted? I have! In total, there have been THIRTEEN FILMS involving these two characters. Superman I-IV, Superman Returns, Man of Steel, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, Batman and Robin, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises.

THIRTEEN. This will be the FOURTEENTH film involving one or both of these characters. And that does not take into account the tv series. Let’s look at that. Batman (1966 series), Superman (1952), Smallville, Lois and Clark, Batman Adventures, Superman Adventures, Batman Beyond…

I am sick of Batman. I am sick of Superman. I am sick of Heroic White Male and his Manguish ™. I am sick of Christopher Nolan putting a big ol’ glop of GRIT on every surface. The Boston Globe review of Man of Steel said it best: “But what’s missing from this Superman saga is a sense of lightness, of pop joy. This is a story about a guy who can fly, for pity’s sake — about the absurd freedoms, as well as the responsibilities, that powers such as super-strength and heat-vision bring with them.” They took a movie. About a man who can FLY. And stripped it of anything approaching joy.

And that is why I stick with Marvel. For now. Because I have no real interest in “Guardians of the Galaxy.” I really do not care about “Ant-Man.” But I will see both of those films in an instant, rather than watch the FOURTEENTH installment of DC’s Manguish (With cameo by girl! Who is rumored to be depowered by quite a bit! So she’s not a threat to the guys! Because that would make some people uncomfortable!) Because I prefer the idea of a talking raccoon with a machine gun, because at least that’s new. At least that’s COMICS.

So, to the unhappy commentator who dealt with my complaints about the modern decision making process of a modern company by pointing out how progressive that company USED TO BE, you know, back in the SIXTIES, I say this: I’d like to buy comics now. And what was considered groundbreaking in the Golden Age, while very interesting, and definately of historical note, does not help me at all when I would like to buy comics now. So to offer that as a rebuttal to my point about modern comics was somewhere between 'bizarre’ and 'incoherent.’

Also, any one with any sense would tell you that Power Girl’s costume is stupid. For reasons of aerodynamics alone.

listen to sex workers.

My first scene was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was very scary. It was a very rough scene. My agent didn’t let me know ahead of time. I did it and I was crying and they didn’t stop. It was really violent. He was hitting me. It hurt. It scared me more than anything. They wouldn’t stop. They just kept rolling. They lied and told me they would stop but rough scenes with women are good footage, they said.
The scenes you see in porn aren’t fun at all and certainly doesn’t fee good at all. You just do it. They don’t care about no matter how big in porn you are. To be blunt, shooting a scene is not easy for the girls. It’s not enjoyable. It’s not a great time. Girls are getting hurt. It’s emotionally and physically trying. If you knew what people were going through, you wuldn’t like it as much. You wuldn’t watch it if you had to see everything. It’s just brutal sex to make porn companies rich.
Even though a lot of girls use drugs, the only thing I used was weed mostly to get through it. Drugs are huge. If porn is so great, why do people need Xanax, Vicodin, pot, and alcohol to do it? Because it’s painful.
- Porn industry survivor Sierra, from PinkCross.org

I drank heavily one day prior before I did the movie. When I got on the set I felt really sick to my stomach. I wanted to turn around and run when I walked through the door and saw all the male porn stars and film crew standing there. I zoned out and wanted it to be over. I kept saying to myself, “this is going to be over in an hour. You can do it.” I wanted to break down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.  During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. I don’t remember real well the pain and trauma I went through. After it ended, everybody wanted to take pictures with me and get my autograph. Here I am standing there with bodily fluids all over me and people wanted to take pictures with me. It was horrible. My body was sore the next couple of days and I wasn’t right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn’t able to use to the bathroom right either. My internal system was totally messed up.
- Porn industry survivor Elizabeth, from PinkCross.org

Sometimes, as a 16-year-old stripper, I would find myself on the floor of my rented bedroom at Deanna’s house, surrounded by the things I had taken from my room at my parent’s house. I had a stuffed clown and large black and white stuffed panda bear. At times I would fall into a heap on the floor of that bedroom, an ashtray and a can of Old Milwaukee beer at my feet, while I cried into the fur of that panda bear. I remember thinking that if one more man tried to stick his fingers inside of me that night then I’d fucking kill myself. I remember looking longingly at kitchen knives but always being too terrified to actually do it. And then, about an hour before we were due to leave, Deanna might knock softly on the door.
Sometimes, we lay on that floor together and cried. Me, a 16 year old girl with a bag of vibrators, dildos and anal beads stuffed into a briefcase for use with my ‘clients’ on the escort side of the business, and Deanna, a dark-haired, dark-eyed woman whose face showed more pain than any face I have known before or since. Sometimes we’d cry on the floor of that bedroom and then, after our tears were spent, we’d stand and smile and hug each other and go about the task of getting our things together. We’d change into our makeup and our clothes and we’d leave and drive to whatever club we were due at, or to the office itself to await the phone calls of the men who wanted to buy us.
- Sex industry survivor Kim, from oneangrygirl.net

I started a website and began making a monthly income. I developed a fan base. People would email me about how my existence filled something in their lives. The strange thing was as lonely as these men seemed, I was just as lonely. I too was searching for something to fill a void inside of me. I became what they all wanted me to be. If someone told me I was beautiful it made me feel good enough to stay alive. I felt pretty worthless so in my mind at least I had some sense of purpose.
-Sex industry survivor Christine, from PinkCross.org

I have been hospitalized many times- from being physically abused by men, put into rehab at least 4 times, and even put into the LA County General Hospital by the police for a mandatory psychiatric hold. I became horribly addicted to heroin and crack. I left LA and went back to the brothel in Nevada. I had to escape my boyfriend and that lifestyle. I went to an outpatient rehab- did methadone for two days and then got on some pills the doctor said I would be on for months. I took them for a day and a half and then quit cold turkey. I spent another 9 months in hell at the brothel - I was in most ways a prisoner there.  I escaped by leaving everything I owned there in January and going to Vegas. I spent a few months in Vegas, then finally came home in April.
- Porn Industry survivor Becca, from PInkCross.org

For masturbation videos, unsanitized sex toys were offered as props. On set, if a girl was having reservations, or second thoughts, the producers would become very belligerent. I remember during one particular production, this girl, who was new to porn, came with her boyfriend. She couldn’t have been any older than 19 or 20. When it was time for her scene, she said she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it. She was very distraught, and nervous, but the producers and her boyfriend just kept egging her on. They told her how sexy she was, and eventually became very irate, telling her how she shouldn’t be there wasting their time if she wasn’t serious. Most producers have absolutely no patience with the girls, even though being on set is a very traumatizing experience. There is no room for compassion in the porn industry.
- Porn Industry survivor Ashley, from PinkCross.org

Fourteen years ago I cocktail waitressed at a “gentlemen’s strip club”. I was trying to put myself through college, raise a toddler and stay off welfare. I took classes 3 days a week, spent the rest of my daytime hours with my baby girl, and waitressed at night after she went to bed (with a hired sitter, of course). Long story short, the dancers were making much more money than I was. So, I “auditioned” one night, borrowing an outfit from another dancer (that only stayed on for 2 songs anyway- what was the point?) and walked away from a 3 song set with over $100 in tips. I decided then and there to strip (topless only) instead. It lasted for seven months before I lost so much respect for myself and felt so dissociated from my physical body that I began having suicidal thoughts. It was time to quit. I managed to rebuild my sense of self respect, but it took a few years to regain a connectedness with my body.
- Strip club industry survivor “Saffy,” from oneangrygirl.net