a white person

I am officially the whitest person I’ve ever met. I am the embodiment of every stereotype.

I’d never been to Taco Bell (yes, I know, judge me all you want) and today I came to the big city so I decided to try it, I got a burrito and I couldn’t even eat half of it before I started wheezing, was out of breath, red and puffy because it was “too spicy”.

Now I have a headache, my nose, stomach and my lips hurt and from now on I’ll stick to salt.

Person: *says something vaguely nice to me*
Me: I’m in love with you.
Person: *says something in a neutral/indifferent tone to me*
Me: Geez…if you hate me so much why don’t you just tell me???