If you’re dissociating and you know it clap your hands. 👏🏾 If you’re dissociating and you know it clap your hands. 👏🏾 If you’re dissociating and you know it & trying your best not to show it If you’re dissociating and you know it clap your hands. 👏🏾
Am I the only one who can’t even recognize myself anymore? I’ve spent so long seeing myself as someone else that I can’t even see me. I feel like even my real life is a dream and I’m just playing a part.
when you have an awesome normal dream and then you wake up but the dream must go on so you continue the story in your head cause aaahhhh you have to know what happens next and what happens after that and what happens after that and you can just *feel* it become a new maladaptive daydream universe
◦ a/n: Since my boys were eating well and taking beautiful pictures and finally resting on their “BTS Friendship Trip”, all my inspiration flowed in the direction of Got7 and BAP (mostly towards Jackson Wang cause wow do I wanna bang ;)). So here’s a really weird daydream I had in the middle of Econ (cause who cares about wealth inequality when you can get Wanged) I’m so sorry I hate myself for that too. Please don’t unfollow me.
“Fuck, baby,” Jackson moaned into you as he tugged you into his body by your clothes. You were taken aback by his suddenness; the bedroom door had just barely closed and the rest of the boys were still in the house. You shrugged the coat off your body promptly, hardly stopping to ask questions as you leaned into the warmth of your boyfriend’s body. “Watching you fight like that,” he breathed, his lips hovering over yours as he groped at your sides, grabbing every bit of flesh that he could through your clothes. “Might have been the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he growled into your neck as his hands took handfuls of your ass, locking his lips into your sweet spot. You hummed with approval as your hands stroked the hair at the base of his neck, letting his breathing grow heavy against your skin as he pulled you in for more. He loved when you touched the back of his neck like that.
You were a stunt double and combat choreographer and Jackson had been on set to pick you up on the way home. He showed up a little early and figured that instead of waiting around in front of the building, he would come see what you did. He had never actually seen you in action; he only knew that you were good at fighting, and never to steal your phone from you or scare you unexpectedly– two mistakes he had made before. Then, he watched you strut around the studio in a sleek, leather one-piece outfit and order around the actress and cameraman to get the best shot. You had him turned on faster than you could pin a man twice your size to the ground– and seeing you do just that only turned him on all the more.
“Tell me what to do,” he blurted in the midst of his kisses before rolling the t-shirt up, off your body.
There’s this quote in the book when Arya thinks about her white horse and it’s name ‘Craven ’ and how she can never love someone who is a coward…and I am like ’ what is George trying to say? ’ I mean look at the quote…people think that there can’t be any romanticism in her storyline but this line somehow gave me butterflies in the stomach. I know it’s just a line but I think I know someone who has been incredibly brave just for Arya *hint**hint*.
taemin would put the ass in assassin if he had one
pairing : jongkey, background onho
word count : 1.5k
author’s note : this is an assassin au crackfic i wrote in one hour. it is currently four in the morning. please take everything with a grain of salt.
“do you think the ace would have this sloppy of an aim?” jonghyun grumbles, nudging the dead body with his toes.
“she’s dead, isn’t she?” kibum says, glaring. “worry about yourself.” he leans over the woman, clicking his tongue softly. “those shoes with that outfit? tragic.”
“i’m perfect,” jonghyun replies primly. “there is actually nothing wrong with me. i’m a sensitive soul — girls dig the tortured artistic types — and i have muscles! they’re kind of useless, but at least they make me look good.”
“you’re short,” kibum says, speaking from around a pen cap as he draws the little diamond studded key that is their trademark on the woman’s forehead. “i’m tired of you.”
“my dick isn’t.” jonghyun shrugs. “and that’s not what you said —”
“if you finish that sentence, i will cut your average sized dick off,” kibum says sweetly.
“that’s your loss,” jonghyun replies just as sweetly. kibum’s mouth twitches.
it’s really a surprise the two of them get any work together at all, as they’re usually too busy bickering to actually concentrate on the fact that their job is to murder people. but maybe that’s what makes them as a duo great. the banter.
as the current reigning assassin couple, the old one having retired ages ago to a normal, boring suburban life, jonghyun and kibum have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. they have to make kills at least three times every week, which leaves them very little time to get acquainted with the size of each other’s dicks.
“but at least we don’t have it as bad as the ace,” jonghyun tells kibum musingly as they chop onions. his eyes are watering as he speaks, but kibum isn’t entirely sure if it’s from the onions or from his deep, unwavering love for the ace. “he’s a loner. so is his boner. hey, that rhymes, i wonder if i could write a song about it…” he trails off, mumbling to himself about somehow contacting the ace and letting him know that he’s inspired such creative brilliance. kibum teasingly calls him the president of the ace fanclub (believe it or not, one actually exists — something jonghyun has complained about because “why don’t we get a fanclub? and shippers? i know they don’t know our names but we should at least get shippers.”) but he wouldn’t be surprised if jonghyun actually had a secret shrine dedicated to him.
“didn’t what’s his face say he knew the ace personally? karl? kyle?”
“kai?” kibum suggests.
“yeah, that guy!” jonghyun is excited now, stabbing at the onion with tears running down his face. “i’m going to call him up. see if i can get him to deliver my song.”
“you’ve never written me a song,” kibum whines. this is a lie. jonghyun had gotten drunk once and written an absolute masterpiece on kibum’s fashion sense. it had been better than any sexual experience he’d ever had.
“this is a lie,” jonghyun protests. “remember when i got drunk once and wrote you an absolute masterpiece on your fashion sense? i bet you think it’s better than any sexual experience you’ve ever had.” really, this is why kibum keeps him around.
they find kai’s dead body in the sewers underneath a dance studio. jonghyun stares sadly down at him. “but who’s going to deliver my song now?”
“i’m sure the ace has other friends,” kibum reassures him. “there’s a bigger problem. kai is the seventh dead assassin we’ve found in a week. that’s an average of one per day.”
jonghyun stares at him, silent for a long second. “that,” he says, his voice hushed, “is better than we have ever done.” kibum almost smacks him.
“we have to figure out who’s behind this, you idiot,” kibum says, “but. we should probably take a shower first.”
“together?” jonghyun asks cheekily.
the news that the old duo are coming back spreads quicker than the fires that one of them used to spread. the spark, they called him. kibum calls him annoying.
“kibum!” minho bellows, coming in for a hug. “my good friend. i missed you and your chronic perfectly coiffed hair.” he lowers his voice to a whisper. “frankly, i’m surprised jonghyun’s still around. what do you see in him, anyway?”
“he has nice teeth,” kibum says.
jonghyun looks a little put out. kibum thinks it has more to do with the fact that next to minho, he’s even shorter than usual.
“our daughter got killed,” jinki says when jonghyun asks why they’re back in business. “we’re going to find out who killed her, and who killed v. minho had some kind of attachment to him.”
“it wasn’t an attachment, babe,” minho says. “it was a man crush.”
“you’re literally gay,” jinki replies.
minho receives the blue flower the next day.
jonghyun is excited.
“before he kills you,” he begs minho, “can you please ask him for his autograph? it’s going in my shri — i mean, i’m asking for a friend.”
“actually, i’m not going to kill you.” jonghyun looks like he’s about to pass out. “do you guys meet in the sewers often? and sorry, i don’t give out autographs. it cramps my hand and i kinda need that to shoot people.”
standing right in front of them in all his glory is the ace. he looks like he’s twelve.
“you look like you’re twelve,” kibum tells him. “and what the hell is that on your feet?”
“it’s the haircut,” the ace says mournfully, ruffling his uneven bangs. “and excuse you, these gucci fur slippers are high fashion. they show off my sexy ankles.”
jonghyun sucks in a deep breath. “your ankles are very sexy.” the ace beams.
“if you’re not going to kill me then why did you give me your flower?” minho holds it up. it looks sad, wilting, and the ace winces as one of the petals falls into the sewer water. “are you professing your love to me?”
“sorry, the only person i love is myself,” the ace says solemnly. “nah, i’m here to help you guys out. i don’t really wanna die.”
kibum glances at jonghyun just as a tear falls from his right eye.
they have very little luck. assassin after assassin dies, all killed with various methods so it can’t be traced to one individual. each assassin has their own style. kibum has an abundance of style. whoever is doing this is incredibly smart.
soon, they’re the only ones left. they get so tense that they’re barely eating (except for three full meals a day) and barely sleeping (except for a solid eight hours every night). jonghyun writes song after song, but sadly informs kibum that none of them have come close to stroke of brilliance that was cocktail, the song he had written to the ace, a lyrical masterpiece about a mindblowing blowjob. (kibum found it torn up in their bathroom trashcan and had half a mind to hunt down the ace’s high fashion gucci fur slippers and burn them. no one puts his tiny artistic boyfriend in a trashcan.)
it’s when jinki gets killed that they all start to panic for real. kibum goes stress shopping and buys more eyepatches than he could possibly need, especially if his days are numbered. jonghyun writes approximately two hundred and thirty four love letters to his beloved dog, roo, who is halfway across the city with his mom and sister. the ace worries so much that he starts going gray (or more accurately, white), his eyebrows practically disappearing. minho grieves.
and then he dies. kibum buys ten more eyepatches and then sits jonghyun down, confessing his undying love. jonghyun confesses back, and kibum is touched, until jonghyun finishes with a, “and now that i’ve told you how i feel about roo, i might as well let you know that i love you too, kibummie.” kibum vows to never help him pick out his outfit again.
kibum wakes up to jonghyun’s dead body the next morning. gently, he closes his eyes, then lights his boyfriend’s entire stash of scented candles in memorial. it smells awful and kibum cries.
he isn’t even finished going through the motions of cooking eggs when the ace casually pulls a gun out and points it at him.
“it was you all along,“ kibum says dully.
“you have no idea how much it pained me to kill jonghyun,” the ace tells him gravely. “out of all my fan club members, he was the most loyal. the most dedicated. he even wrote me a song!”
“you rejected it,” kibum says hotly.
“uh…… yeah it was a little… it was a little creepy, to be honest. although i did love the what’s in my hand is not a cup line; that was pretty impressive.”
kibum nods. “i was particularly fond of that one myself.” there’s a pause. “are you going to shoot me before my eggs burn, or —”
the ace steps onto the roof of the highest building in the city, the wind ruffling his hair. he lets out a deep, contented sigh, gazing out over his home, full of people that are all his to kill.
“i wanted to be your ace,” he says dreamily. “your only ace.”
Ok, maladaptive daydreaming is freaking weird. Like, the “ideal self/universe” makes sense, who wouldn’t want to experience that? But then you have the violent shit and the downright weird shit. Like daydreaming that you’re a baby. For hours. Otherwise you can’t sleep.
And it truly does make me happy/feel safe. It’s weird and I’d be incredibly embarrassed if anyone knew, but I can’t stop.
Maladaptive daydreaming disorder is a mental disorder where a person has the urge to daydream every day.
Important word there: *disorder*!!!
Meaning everyone daydreams, but not everyone has MaDD. Maladaptive daydreamers daydream to the point where it interferes with their lifestyles and relationships, hence the word “disorder”.
Ex: preferring to daydream in their head instead of going out, or interacting with people.
Some common traits of MaDD are:
•performing repetitive movements and/or stimming while daydreaming. Ex: pacing/walking in a circle, tossing small objects in the air over and over, swinging on a swing, rocking back and forth, bouncing up and down, humming or making noises, listening to a specific song, making “weird faces”, etc.
•daydreaming for hours at a time, loosing track of time when daydreaming, being late to things because they were too busy daydreaming
•would rather daydream than do something very important, use daydreaming as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with real-life situations (i often catch myself going straight inside my head whenever I am even mildly inconvenienced…), procrastinating to daydream.
•you will see on many articles that MaDD is caused by (early life) trauma or abuse, this IS common, but is not always the case
•having (usually multiple) very very detailed worlds or universes in your heads that are constructed over months and years of daydreaming. (I’ve noticed the word “paracosm” gaining traction in the community to describe these.) Some of my oldest paracosms date to four to five years old! Others I abandon after just a month or two. It depends.
•gathering elements for your paracosms from already existing fictional universes or even real life (adopting real people or fictional characters to interact with them in your head, making your paracosm exist in the world of a movie or book franchise, etc.)
•while MDers do daydream for hours on end, they also will slip into daydreams without even realizing it for short periods of time. It happens very quickly, and usually I’ll daydream for a minute or two before “snapping out of it”.
•feeling very intense emotions from daydreaming, daydreaming to feel intense emotion that they feel they cannot get from “real life”.
•having very violent daydreams, daydreaming about “taboo” subjects, having intrusive daydreams that might be disturbing even to the person daydreaming about them.
For more information and symptoms, you can simply search “maladaptive daydreaming disorder” on google and read the Wikipedia, WebMD, and other articles on it. There’s lots of good info there and I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of symptoms.
After reading up on some more clinical descriptions of MaDD, maybe simply browse the “maladaptive daydreaming” or “actuallymadd” tag on tumblr. See if you relate to most of the posts on there.
(Note: people without MaDD will be able to relate to a few posts made by maladaptive daydreamers, because nearly everyone daydreams. But, like I said at the top of this post, everyone daydreams, but not everyone daydreams to the point where it negatively affects their life.)
If you’ve done extensive research and really feel like you have MaDD, there’s a nice little community right here on tumblr! We don’t bite, and I certainly don’t, so if you have any more questions I’d be glad to answer them, as would many other MDers on here!!
lots of hand gestures and eye contact and facial expressions whenever you two have a conversation (you'll love it and soak it all up), lots of food dates (they want to make sure you're comfortable around them), picking you up and twirling you around and quick cheek kisses, "you always calm me down"
they'll show you the secret places they go to chill (this can be anything from a flower garden to Starbucks to an underground club just be ready honestly), they'll let you push them around like no one else dares to, they'll tell you that you're different and special (because in their eyes you're truly one of a kind), "oh, you have to go? Are you sure your don't want to stay around just a little longer?"
expect lots of chats over the phone (they've realized that they can't hear your laugh or your stutters through text), "looks" from across the room when something stupid happens, just chilling at your place sounds like a good time to them, "hey, you're just like me"
nose scrunching and suppressed smirks when you say something dirty (you could tell they were thinking the same thing), lots of high fives quick touches, asking lots of questions about you (they'll wriggle out of answering yours, but they're just trying to make sure you're one of their kind) "thanks for being patient with me"
whispers in your ear (they don't have to, but you can feel their grin on your cheek), bodies pressed together type hugs, admitting to stalking your social media (you'll call them a creep but you'll be blushing), "you know, I'd do anything for you..."
they could listen to you speak all day (they love learning more about you), little things that go almost unnoticed (like putting an umbrella in your car or buying you new headphones when you complain about your others), you'll get to see their silly side (and you'll love it), "don't worry I'll take care of it"
they'll talk about how well you two look together (they'll want lots of pics of you two or just you), introduces you to friends and family, your head rested on their arm or their head in the nook of your neck (you're their safe place now), "I like you, you're genuine. it's really... refreshing, you know?"
mixing paints until they find the exact shade of your eyes (even if they're brown, they're a special kind of brown to them), opening their mouth to say something then closing it immediately because they don't want to scare you away, touches that linger a little bit too long to be just friendly, "finally, SOMEONE understands!"
lots and lots of jokes made to get under your skin (throw it back at 'em twice as hard), making lots of plans because they really wanna hang out with you, all Sagittarius's are philosophers just wait and they'll show you, "hey I saw this thing and it sorta reminded me of you so here you go"
showing you what they geek about (believe me, it's there), gloating about how much better you two are than everyone else, arms over shoulders and hands around your waist randomly (just to shock you ) "I've always needed someone like you in my life"
pinching your cheek (just so that they can touch your face), saying things that the two of you are gonna do in the future, bringing you around their friends (and their face lighting up when you charm their asses off) "I can talk with you for hours and about anything... weird right?"
daydreaming about running into you (even if it's just between classes), them showing you their secret hobbies, they stare into your eyes just a little bit too long (what even is too long?) "I can't believe you're real"
Have you ever wanted to write something that was borderline insane? Something so cracky a plumber would roll his eyes? Do you have weird fetishes, strange daydreams, or awkward social encounters? Has your humorous side been repressed for far too long?
Well congrats, you’re in luck! We have a challenge for you. So shake off all formality and strap in for the ride because the crack is about to make a comeback.
I had a weird daydream about the tenth Doctor just futzing around in the tardis, making repairs or something, when a very disgruntled and singed Leonard Snart materializes in front of him.
Then Leonard, Ten and Martha or Donna have to find a way to bring Leonard back to his own dimension (and his husband partner) without ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe that can’t be closed. In the meantime, however, Ten finds there are certain advantages to having Leonard along for the ride while they figure things out.
“I have a hard time going to sleep because of MADD” don’t worry peeps, I got you covered.
Here are some tips from my own experiences with Maladaptive Daydreaming since I’ve had quite a lot of restless nights because of this, I might be able to help y’all.
Sleep. Earlier. Sleeping early is the best way to sleep on time. So basically if you need to sleep at 10 pm, then go to bed at 8 or 9, because I can guarantee you that you’ll need some time to daydream about some shits that will surely keep you awake for at least an hour, or maybe more.
Make sure to eat and drink before going to bed. It’s been proven that you will sleep better with full stomach and hydrated mouth, especially if you eat more soup kind of food, or fruits. Having empty stomach will probably make you feel a little bit uncomfortable and that will keep you awake.
Do not watch a movie before you’re going to sleep. Movies are usually the number one MADD trigger and my best advice is to avoid all of them altogether because that will surely keep you awake for hours, trying to daydream about that film. Also, don’t watch sad movies or you’ll get a lot of tears on your pillow at 12 am.
Make yourself tired. I don’t know if this works but if you make yourself tired, you’ll fall asleep faster. Go pace in your living room, run around in circles, jump around like a weirdo randomly, or go through the stairs multiple times.
Daydream about something soft. IF you can control what you want to daydream, it’s more effective to daydream about something harmless, like small talks or family gathering time, etc. Avoid daydreams that will surely make you cry.
If you can’t control what you want to daydream, try at least to distract yourself. Distract yourself by a lot of things, like singing to yourself or look at your surroundings. Unless if you can’t sleep without daydreaming about weird or scary shits, then try the first step: sleep earlier.
Make sure that you’ve done all of your work. So you won’t have to worry about them at night, especially if you have anxiety. Doing all of your work will at least calm your mind down so you won’t have to worry about them tomorrow in the morning.
Scroll through your phone until your eyes are tired. Bright screens tend to make your eyes more tired if you keep looking at it, especially if you’re scrolling through your phone. But note that this will damage your eyes and sometimes it won’t work for some people.
Okay, maybe sometimes a little bit of crying will make you feel tired. If you’re this type of person, then try to make yourself daydream about something that’ll make you cry, and then when it’s all over and it’s turned to a daydream with less angst moments, it’ll be easier to finally sleep.
All of you deserve to have a good night. I hope this helps!
Day 2: Something New/Different Umm so dan and phil as bugs? Is this an AU? Or just some weird afternoon daydream fantasy that made its way into existence? I love phil’s ladybug sweater and dan wore a striped sweater recently so ladybug and bee?