a three piece suit

4

#magnus bane isn’t here for your farce of a trial #he’s here to #take names #take no shit and #party when he wins #meanwhile alec is looking at him like magnus is the sun the moon the stars and an entire personal arsenal of self-refilling quivers #so situation normal

Last night I had a dream that for April Fools day Blizzard added an Overwatch character named “Michael.” He was a tall mustached man with a three piece suit and one of those really old game show host microphones. Like the skinny ones on the price is right. All Michael could do was laugh. His E would make him hearty chuckle, his shift would make him guffaw, and his ult would make him point and laugh at an enemy character until he passed out. He could punch for 1 damage each hit.

Also every game I joined had a Michael on both teams.

3

― Trainspotting (1996)

“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life… But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?”

the problem with MCU Tony Stark characterisation in fanfic

okay so I love smol, soft, vulnerable Tony Stark as much as the next person, but sometimes I think we forget some super important things when writing him:

  • literally within an hour of IM1 we see Tony hammering metal with basic tools in a cave which is very physically taxing for someone not used to it
  • we see Tony Stark miniaturise the arc reactor, something his own dad never figured out, in the space of three months whilst probably battling chest infections, the threat of death and low cognitive function (the fluctuating temperate, irregular meals, sleep cycle and high risk of infection from open heart surgery drastically affects your thought process, genius or not) - with fuck all available
  • there is the suggestion that Tony + Running isn’t so much of a novel idea in IM1′s ‘Dogfight’ as Rhodey doesn’t bite back and say ‘you don’t jog’ in response to Tony’s flighty responses - that would be the first thing a best friend would point out to their fellow bullshitter
  • he and Happy practise MMA against one another (IM2) and Happy isn’t someone to go gentle - Tony isn’t one to want Happy to pull his punches so Tony is proficient in some form of close combat when fully cognisant - we see Happy’s skills when he finally (!) punches one trained fighter as Tash knocks off everyone else. if Happy can do that, Tony certainly can - and even better now he’s a full Avenger (we ignore Civil War, okay)
  • he literally takes a sledgehammer to his own home and re-discovers and element once again previously hidden to his own dad - a man heralded and lauded as The Genius - so he’s very proactive and willing to move shit around to figure something out
  • we also see the strength needed in the synthesising of this element - his arms are literally b u l g i n g  with muscle mass, so this gives us the nod that Tony does work out to keep himself fit
  • in IM3 he literally has nothing? he makes his OWN weapons again from store-avaliable items and takes down literally a whole compound under his own steam (reminiscent of IM1 building of the suit with a box of scraps) so he isn’t exactly ‘useless’ when given the correct tools
  • despite that bullshit scene where he suddenly ‘forgets’ that magazines aren’t universal for all, we know Tony handles guns - he does it when he’s escaped the bed in the basement, when facing the Mandarin etc and he’s confident enough to use them correctly (deliberately missing Trevor but close enough to make him shit himself) so this crap about him suddenly being unable to shoot a light from that distance is again, bullshit
  • he literally drags the iron man suit through the snow - whilst it’s (MK42) is about 240 pounds on, it’s gonna be a lot heavier with all the hydraulics and electrics powered down. it takes core strength to make it and drag it, guys, so he’s pretty well built for a civvie
  • in avengers he spends just as much time moving - you need insane core strength to maintain a flying position, metal suit or not, and you need to be physically fit to fly it too if you think of how often it would have glitched and malfunctioned with hits before it rebooted. just because he’s in a metal suit it doesn’t mean it’s effortless and JARVIS does it for him - it’s like riding a horse. the movements are subtle but you’re using so many fucking muscles and so much energy
  • in AOU he literally fucking JUMPS FROM THE BALCONY ONTO A BOT floating in mid air like, that’s super gutsy for a civvie who has no official ‘spy’/army training or no backup Green Machine but by this point nothing surprises us about this fuckwit tbh (it gets me every time when I see him do that)
  • he gets thrown into walls so often with enough force to knock out a normal person like, i’m surprised he, Rhodey and Bruce don’t have constant concussion tbh - in IM3 with a missile blast/ in AOU against the wall after Ultron and down to the floor from a great height
  • he’s super fucking gutsy and takes massive risks for someone with no healing factor or special skills - in IM3 when he faces off against the Mandarin with nothing/jumps off a balcony on the rig and slides down the bending metal before jumping into fucking mid-air relying only on his suits to save him/facing off against Loki and then being thrown out of a window despite not knowing what would happen at all and knowing that his suit wasn’t quite ready/relying only on his mobile gauntlet to save his whole fucking face when Bucky (poor soul) tries to shoot him (unintentionally it isn’t Bucky okay) in the middle of his freak-out (and these are all without the whole suit, only bits and pieces, so don't say he’s a little wallflower he has as many balls as the rest of them in combat)
  • have you seen him in a three piece suit??? his figure is fine af from all this shit 
  • he literally survived a blast to the fucking chest with a bomb, survived palladium poisoning, thought his way out of countless shit, is a certified genius, a massive polyglot, has several doctorates and isn’t the soft, smol, vulnerable little chicken so much fanfiction makes him out to be

I love reading those smol, cutesy fics from time to time too - because lbr MCU!Tony IS small in stature because Robert is, bless his platform shoes - but please remember Tony is actually meant to be a badass physically fit (wiry or lithe, depending on comics or movieverse) superhero - he may not be great at hand-to-hand combat like Cap or twenty feet tall like Thor but he can certainly hold his own fgs.  

  • tony: *gets notification in the middle of a serious board meeting* sorry I have to go
  • board member: where mr.stark?
  • tony: to help my wayward son who I adopted unknowingly and to ground him beCAUSE I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO STUFF THAT I WOULD
  • *flies off in armour*
  • board members: uh.....
  • this came from the fact that tony was wearing a goddamn three piece suit instead of his under armour
3 notes walk into a bar

C, E-flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out in the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

(Taken from this link)

psychic: *reads my mind*

me: to days of inspiration playing hooky making something out of nothing the need to express to communicate to going against the grain going insane going maAAAAAAd to loving tension no pension to mOre than one dimension to starving for attention hating convention not to mention of course hating dear old mom and dAAAAAAAAd to riding your bike midday past the three-piece suits to frUIts to no absolutes to absolut to choice to the village voiiiice to aNY PASSING FAD to being an us for once instead oF A THEEEEEM LA VIE BOHEEEEEEEME !!!! LA VIE BOHEME !!! hey mIster shes my sister so thats five miso soup four seaweed salad three soy burger dinner two tofu dog platter and one pasta with meatless balls ew it tastes the same if you close your eyes and thirteen orders of fries is that it here WINE AND BEER to hAnd crafted bEErs made in local brEwerIEs to yoga to yoghurt to rice and beans and cheese to leather to dildos to curry vindaloo to huevos rancheros and maya angelou emotion devotion to causing a commotion ceation vacation MUCHO MASTURBATION

psychic: what the fuck