Playlist title: "If you're gay, and I'm gay, then who's flying the plane?"
If YOU’RE Gay, And I’M Gay… (Artists who are both Here and Queer)
Born This Way // Lady Gaga Grace Kelly // Mika True Trans Soul Rebel // Against Me! Too Young To Be In Love // Hunx and his Punx Not A Pretty Girl // Ani DiFranco Heterosexuality Is A Construct // One Night Stand in North Dakota Valerie // Amy Winehouse Good Way // Allison Weiss Heavy Metal and Reflective // Azealia Banks Boyfriend // Tegan and Sara Alive // Sia What’s Another Lipstick Mark // Adult Mom I Wanna Boi // PWR BTTM A Thousand Miles // Vanessa Carlton She’s So Lovely // The Butchies Different // Joan Jett Boys Like You // Who Is Fancy Veronica // Daddy Issues Perfect World // Gossip 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover // Miley Cyrus (cover of paul simon, listen here) All I Gave Her // Julia Weldon Losing My Religion // R.E.M Girls Like Girls // Hayley Kiyoko Secrets // Mary Lambert Forrest Gump // Frank Ocean Mala Strana // The Homophones Dance Song ‘97 // Sleater-Kinney Closer to Fine // Indigo Girls
Summary: Soulmates are supposed to be a wonderful thing, that is until you find out who your soulmate is. You guessed it, Lance “The Fucker” Tucker.
Pairing: Lance x Reader
A/N: I’m so glad you guys like Tainted Love so far! Here ya go :) As always, I’ll fix any mistakes in the morning.
After watching Maggie’s routine, Lance claps his hands and turns to the blonde. “Hope. Office. Now.”
With a frustrated sigh, she follows him to the office and shuts the door behind her, waiting for him to rant on about how Maggie can do so much better. But, he didn’t.
“Well, she’s as good as gold. You’re not shit after all Hope.” Lance smiled at her. “Oh wait - you are.”
Hope rolled her eyes. “Shut your whore mouth.” she snapped. “And why did you bring me in here if you were going to tell me that? I thought you were gonna chew my head off or something.”
“I brought you in here because of her.” he nods his head over to you. “Who is she?”
Hope glances back at you, watching as you high five Maggie for doing a good job before starting a conversation with Ben.
“She’s my best friend.” Hope says, turning back to Lance. “Why?”
He shrugs, hoping to play it cool. “Nothin’ I just wanted to know who she was. She seems nice.”
“She is, but she can be a bitch if she needs to be.” Hope tells him and his eyes are now focused on you.
The way you smile, the way you tuck away your hair behind your ear, all make you seem so perfect. It was insane for Lance to be thinking like this because, well, Lance never thought about anyone like that. He had this foreign feeling inside him and he’d never admit it out loud but he kind of liked it.
“Give me her number.” he turns to Hope with a serious look in his eyes.
Hope’s face contorts. “What the fuck, no.”
“Because she’s my best friend and I won’t let her be another notch on your belt, asshat.” she snapped. “She’s too nice of a person to deserve what you’ll do to her.”
“Oh, and what exactly will I do to her?” Lance folds his arms across his chest as he glared at the blonde in front of him.
“You’ll lead her on to believe you actually like her, fuck her, then throw her aside and move on to your next victim. You won’t care about her feelings because all you can care about is yourself. It may not look like it, but she’s a sensitive girl, Lance. And I won’t let you fuck her up.”
Lance watches Hope exit the office and walk towards you and Ben. With a sigh, he gathers his things and exits the office as well.
“Well she’s clear.” he spoke, joining the small group. “I expect great things from you, Maggie.”
The happy brunette smiles and nods before Lance looks at you. “It was nice meeting you, Y/N.”
“Nice meeting you too, Lance.”
He held eye contact with you for a bit and Hope didn’t like it. So, she shoved him. “Leave already, dick breath.”
Lance smirked at her. “Oh, you would know all about what dick breath smells like, wouldn’t you?”
“You already did.” Lance chuckled at Hope’s annoyed expression.
With all that being said, he leaves the gym, flustered and with you on his mind. So consumed in his thoughts, he accidentally hits his head while getting into his car.
“Ah, shit.” he groaned, holding a hand to his head, completely unaware that just behind those gym doors, you stood holding your head as well.
3 days. It’s been 3 days and Lance cannot get you out of his head. 3 days and not once have you left his mind. He had to get in contact with you somehow. It was driving him insane.
But how? Hope wouldn’t give him your number. Ben probably had your number as well but being for the fact that Lance had fucked his girlfriend, he doubted that he’d give him it.
With an exasperated sigh, he throws himself down on his couch. He didn’t know anything about you, but he wanted to. When he saw you, it was different from when he’d see other girls but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Why did you have this effect on him?
Getting up from the couch, he decided to ease his mind of you and go out to the bar. Getting shitfaced sounded amazing, he could really use a drink.
Over on your end, Hope dragged you out to the bar. Karaoke night. Every karaoke night the two of you would get completely shitfaced and sing A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton because it was in your favorite movie, White Chicks.
While on stage, singing your heart out with Hope by your side, you hadn’t noticed Lance walk through the bar door. At the sight of you, he smiled. Mostly because he got to see you again and you were making a complete fool out of yourself.
Lance took a seat at the bar, ordering a drink as he watched you and Hope finish up the song, followed by loud applauses and hoots and howls. While you were walking off the stage, you had accidentally hit your knee on the speaker box, resulting in both you and Lance to tend to your knees.
Lance’s eyebrows knit together as he rubbed the spot on his knee before looking back at you. Coincidence, right?
Lance never cared about the whole soulmate thing which was why every time his soulmate tried contacting him, he’d either ignore her or tell her to leave him alone. Besides, if he ever met his soulmate, she’d probably want him to settle down with her and that just wasn’t Lance’s style. He didn’t want to be on a leash. He wanted to be free.
Gulping down his drink, he decides to join you at your table with Hope and Ben.
“Hi friends.” he smiled, gathering the attention he wanted from the 3 of you.
“Stalking me? Pfft, that’s low, Tucker. Even for you.” Hope scoffed, rolling her eyes.
She was way out of it. And by the looks of it, so were you.
“In your dreams, Hope.” Lance responded, adverting his eyes to Ben. “This doesn’t look like your type of scene. What are you doing here?”
“I come to keep an eye out for Hope and Y/N to make sure they don’t do anything too stupid. I also take them home. Well, I take Y/N home, Hope lives with me so-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn’t ask for your life story buddy.” Lance cut him off. “Tell you what, I’ll take Y/N off your hands.”
Lance rolls his eyes. “I’ll take Y/N home so you have one less person to take care of.”
At this, Hope perks up. “No. There’s no way in hell I’d ever let you take my bitch home.”
“Main bitch.” you correct, causing Lance to chuckle.
Hope glares at Lance. “I know what you’re capable of and I will not let you take advantage of-”
“Slow your roll,” he spoke up. “Now I know I’m a pig but I wouldn’t go as far as to having my way with a woman when she’s completely shitfaced. I thought you knew me better than that, Hope.”
Lance dramatically pouted and Hope groaned.
“We were having a nice time until you showed up.” she huffed.
“It’s cool if he takes me home, Hope. You know I can defend myself, sober or not.” you insert yourself into the conversation that seemed to be all about you.
“Yeah, she can defend herself, sober or not.” Lance grinned, smacking on his mint gum, knowing how irritated Hope got when he did that.
Hope placed her head in her hands. “Ugh, fucking cut it out before I murder you.”
“Cut what out?” he asked, continuing his actions.
“I’m gonna-” Hope lunges for him but was pulled back by Ben. She struggled to get free from him so that she could fuck Lance up but it was no use.
“I’m ready to go home now.” you announce, deciding to get out of there before Hope literally killed Lance on the spot.
“Good choice, let’s go.”
You gather your stuff and give Ben a hug. “I’ll call you tomorrow, Hopi.”
She threw threats towards Lance as the two of you made your way outside and into his car. And then it hit you. You were in a strangers car. You would never ever do something like this but for some reason, you trusted Lance fully despite only meeting him once. You got a weird feeling when you were with him. Like you two have known each other for years. It was comforting yet weird.
Upon arriving at your house, Lance brought you to your bed and tucked you in, making sure you were comfortable.
“You good? You need anything else?” he asked.
You hummed in response, turning on your side and curling up in a ball. You had muttered out a thank you before soft snores escaped your lips. You were out. Lance let out an exhausted sigh and left your room. He’d usually leave a girls house as soon as possible but he wanted to make sure you were alright in the morning. So, tired as hell, he fell asleep on your couch.
You woke up groaning. The hangover you were experiencing was probably way worse than any of your other ones, and you’ve had many hangovers.Kicking your sheets off your body, you drag yourself into the kitchen, being met with a tired looking Lance.
“Woah, what are you doing here?” you question. “Wait.. We didn’t..”
“No, god no I would never take advantage of you like that.” he groaned. “I took you home last night and it was pretty late and I was tired as hell so I slept on your couch. I meant to leave before you woke up but I guess I slept in.”
You noticed he was massaging his temples, like he had headache and decided to ask him about it. “Do you have a headache?”
“What? Oh, I guess. I just woke up and my head was pounding. I tried looking for some painkillers but..” he trailed off.
“They’re over here.” you say, opening a drawer and pulling out a bottle of painkillers.
“Thank god.” he breathed, walking towards you with his hand out.
You give him two and get two out for yourself as well before putting them away. “Yeah, I needed some too. These hangovers are unbearable.”
At this, Lance looks up at you. His head was hurting, as if he had a hangover. But he only had one drink at the bar and he surely wasn’t a lightweight so he couldn’t possibly gave himself a hangover. Were you his.. Soulmate? No. You couldn’t be. There’s no way!
But was it really that impossible? There’s only one way to find out.
Lance bites his lip and takes a deep breath before pinching his side very hard. You let out a yelp, nearly dropping your glass of water as your hand went flying to your side. The same exact side Lance had pinched.
Coincidence. This had to be a coincidence. Lance tried again, this time pinching his upper arm and you reacted, hissing at the pain and rubbing the spot. He couldn’t believe it. Now it made sense why he felt the way he did when he saw you. You were his soulmate.
Holy shit. You were his soulmate. That means-
“Ah, shit.” you make eye contact with Lance. “My soulmate keeps pinching himself. That or he’s being pinched by someone. Either way it hurts.”
All Lance could do was nod, still not believing what he had just found out.
“Speaking of soulmates,” you continued. “I hate to intrude but have you found yours? I haven’t found mine yet which sucks because everyone around me already knows who their soulmate is.”
Lance gulps. “um.. Yeah.. Yeah I’ve found mine already.”
“Really? Who?” you couldn’t help but ask.
Lance didn’t want to say anything just yet but his mouth moved faster than his brain did. “You.”
His words hit you hard and your head began to spin. “W-What? There’s no way.”
You didn’t want to believe it. Lance Tucker was your soulmate? Pfft, no way!
“I’m telling the truth.” he says. “Think about it, you have a hangover and suddenly my head hurts too.”
“Coincidence?” you wanted to force yourself to believe that.
“Look.” he say, pulling up the sleeve of his jacket. “I apologize in advance.” Lance squeezes his eyes shut as he pinches the skin of his arm harshly, causing you to feel it as well.
“Ow! Stop it!” you shout, holding your as just as he stops.
“Do you believe me now?” he breathed, rubbing the spot on his arm that he had just pinched.
“I-I can’t.. No.. I-” you stumble over your words before making a beeline for your room, shutting and locking the door. You pick up your phone and frantically scroll until you find Hope’s number, calling immediately. She answers on the fifth ring.
“What the fuck Y/N? Why are you calling so damn-”
“Shut the fuck up and listen Hope.” you cut her off.
“Okay, I’m listening. But I don’t know what could be more important than-”
“Lance Tucker is my fucking soulmate.”
Hope went silent.
A/N: This wasn’t as eventful as I hoped it’d be but here ya are :) tell me what ya think!
Congrats to @rushingsnowy for winning my 500 follower giveaway! As requested, here’s a platonic Frogs playlist. This is my idea of what might be on a collaborative playlist that all the Frogs share, and I had a delightful time making it. It’s at least 1/3 chirps. Please share with me who you think added which songs. Track list below the read more.
when people are like “where has michelle branch been since 2003″ and i’m just like
first of all lets just not forget that michelle didn’t just disappear *in* 2003, that was when “hotel paper” came out, which btw is a multiplatinum selling album that she toured the hell out of and had 2 hit singles and then 1 single that sort of faded away and did not get a video BUT she speaks french in that song so its VERY GOOD. also the single artwork is like… holy fuck M A J O R B A B E A L E R T omg.
then michelle branch formed a country band called the wreckers with her backup singer and friend jessica harp. jessica sang on michelle’s album “hotel paper” and that album has a country song (”love me like that” with sheryl crow) so it kinda seemed inevitable. “the good kind” was on the one tree hill soundtrack in 2004 and you know they appeared in the show (michelle loves to appear in shows i guess including buffy, charmed and –as leslie gore– on american dreams). anyway she could have just kept being michelle branch feat. my friend and backup singer but michelle is a GOOD PERSON who was like NO LETS DISTRIBUTE THIS POWER and RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER AS ARTISTS and DO THIS THING TOGETHER which is extremely cool and good.
in 2005 the wreckers released a song with santana (called it’s called “i’m feeling you” but literally whatever) and then a single called “leave the pieces” dropped in 2006. it debuted at #1 on the billboard hot country charts. it was the first time a female country duo was #1 since the 1950s. it was nominated for a grammy. the single sold over a million copies. that is a successful fucking song goodbye.
anywhere they dropped an album and it has some great country pop singles that were sort of a pre-taylor swift thing and the album sold over 850,000 copies so that’s pretty cool. they had some other singles including “my oh my” which has a frankly insane video which i will just not embed here. i guess the album did well and stuff, they released a live album/DVD as well that was recorded at the bowery ballroom and i did not go but i did see them earlier on the wreckers’ tour and it was the first time i met michelle so that was very nice.
then the band ended which doesn’t seem that crazy considering it was a side project and i can only imagine the record label the entire time was like “AGH COUNTRY WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US” not to mention a bunch of her fans were like that too including me but then I FUCKING GOT ON BOARD.
she did a song called “together” that was in sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 because OF COURSE SHE DID lol lets not forget that she basically owned teen girl feelings in the 2000s. her music was used in tons of and tons of trailers and it’s like GOOD FOR YOU GET THAT MONEY GIRL. anyway this has been a fun “teen girl vibes” interlude.
so now it’s 2008-2009 and michelle was still like doing country music and recorded a full album and blah blah blah it got shelved and shoved around and it was truly the beginning of what seems like a bunch of shitty label issues that resulted in a lot of music remaining unreleased. she played some shows to support the album in 2008 and it just did. not. happen.
fuck the label i mean i swear to god i could have been listening to consistent michelle branch music for my entire 20s but noooooo. the album did not materialize, a single called “this way” did not properly get released, and eventually in 2010 she released an EP called “everything comes and goes” featuring this single “sooner or later” which has this video.
in 2010 it was announced michelle was album working on a new album called “west coast time” that was meant to be a return to her pop music sound but you know, it was 6 years since “hotel paper” at this point and michelle was growing up too and it had a bit of a cooler sound. the album was due for release in 2011, it had album art and everything although there was this moment where it started getting pushed and delayed like, 3 times in a year and a half. on the album cover michelle wears a hat which honestly does not help with the vanessa carlton comparisons. sidenote, this video of michelle trying to play “a thousand miles” is one of the best things i’ve ever seen but i am biased.
so anyway they teased the album’s release with a single called “loud music” that frankly seemed designed for radio and i love michelle branch like don’t get me wrong i am her biggest fan but there were better songs from that time probably. it had another roadtrip video michelle is just a big fan of cars i think.
michelle was doing press for this album, including some live webcast live stream whatever stuff where she played song clips. she did one on her website pre-facebook live days. she did some thing hosted by tyler oakley where she made a salad and people could tweet in questions??? michelle did a lot of food and cooking-adjacent things in this time too.
she also did some events and stuff including a live Q&A podcast recording at the apple store in soho and i literally did not live in NYC at the time but i came up just to attend (it was nbd because i was also casually sort of long distance maybe not exactly seeing but not not-seeing this really cute guy so it was a good excuse) and she previewed some new songs.
“west coast time” was the sort of pop album that michelle branch aka THE MICHELLE BRANCH was known for and had lots of songs that eventually leaked over time. one of those songs is called “spark” and it is extremely fucking michelle branch-y and would have killed. remember this was like 2009 era pop music and this was very NYLON it girl vibes.
spark is a great fucking song. other leaked songs include for dear life, if you happen to call, what don’t kill you (which was used in a 2013 movie and is ripped from that) and there are more. there’s like an album’s worth. it is very sad because they are good songs and seem like they were exactly right for 2010-2011. there’s also this song called another sun which is moody and ended up in a tv promo for a show called terra nova. it is very clear that at no point in the process did michelle branch just like, stop.
oh btw during this time she also had a baby and raised her and she is like nearly a teenager now.
ANYWAY now it’s 2017 and after a million delays and years and label presidents and a new label and some more delays and a lot of work, michelle branch has a new album that is still her but different from all her previous stuff because she is in her 30s now and frankly she is very cool like as a person which maybe she always was but she definitely is now. also she might be a witch but i think that’s just what happens if you live in LA for a few years you become a witch.
the album is more rock than you’d expect and clearly indie rock inspired and i feel like it is sweet vindication not just for her but for every obsessive fan, including me, who you might think is too old to be super into her music. nope!
anyway i started listening to michelle when i was like 14 and my family moved to america and i didn’t have any friends and i heard “goodbye to you” on MTV and i was like “OMG THATS ME :*( :*(” and now i am twice that age, i am 28 and i am old. and she’s old too. we are all old now. we fast-forwarded like our whole 20s and now we’re out the other side, still fucked up but with cool shoes. congratulations to us!