a taco with a bacon shell

10 Life Tips for Millennials


I’m a Millennial myself, but these are just a few things I’ve learned that I wish I’d known sooner.

1. Stop telling yourself you have to have kids by 26.
When I was 21 I thought I’d be married by 24 and have kids by the time I was 26. I thought trying to have children past 28 meant I was going to have one dusty egg left, and the child would be born as a fully formed Clint Eastwood. The truth is that you have until at least 35, and those extra years are vital for your career, your home, and figuring out who you are. You shouldn’t have a kid just because it’s according to your plan or because you are afraid you’ll never have one. I’m still not ready for children. Yesterday a five year old was riding a tricycle up and down my hallway and he was blocking the door to my apartment. When I leaned in to ask him to move, he sneezed all over me and my groceries. It took all of my effort not to cow tip him and flatten his tires. Motherhood’s not calling out to me right now. Pizza is calling out to me. Motherhood not so much. 

Oh, and PS–having no kids–also a totally valid choice. As a person who is tired of being slammed in the back of the shins by mini shopping carts at Trader Joe’s, I thank you for your service.

2. Stop lambasting yourself for not being the CEO.
The CEO became the CEO because he or she put the time in, worked hard, and eventually asked to be CEO. (That last part is important–no one will give anything unless you ask. Except for those samples of Chinese food at the mall. Those always come without request.) A lot of older generations think that millennials expect to walk in to the office and get a raise for showing up. That’s not necessarily true, but we do internally freak out when we see others getting a raise when we are not. Younger generations were raised on internet culture, which means for almost our entire lives we’ve had a box in front of us that says, “This is where you should be in life. And this is the best version of whatever you’re doing. And here is a 12 year old who is already doing it better than you.” With those thoughts in our heads, an unstable retirement future, and an assload of student loans, we are running a race that our co-workers are not even competing in. I’m sure it was fucking delightful to grow up without the internet telling you what to do. It was all boxcar races and apple pies…but what do you think the older generations would be if they had Buzzfeed’s list of “40 Apple Pies That Are Better Than Yours”? Or a YouTube clip of a five year old building a boxcar in ten minutes with nothing but a bendy straw and gum. 

Neurotic. They would be neurotic.

3. You will fuck up your taxes.
Ralph and I were both the top of our class in school, and yet we have both overpaid and underpaid our taxes already. And every year we have tried to pay online we have ended having to pay AGAIN by check. It’s not because we are not adults. It’s because taxes are written in the Elvish language from The Lord of the Rings and the online site is just two twigs holding up a piece of paper that says “US Tax Forms.”

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Things domestic furbys like to eat

Microwave bacon

cereal marshmallows

anything rainbow colored

lunchables but not the crackers 

Cotton candy

low strength refrigerator magnets

sunflower seeds but only in the shell

boiled peanuts

clouds 

Triple gooberberry sunrises

nacho cheese dip (the kind you get at taco bell)

Long post!

Last Sunday we tested the ‘read more’ tag on the week summary, and as it turns out - you don’t like it. So I’ll continue to make week summaries as long as they have to be to show all the good stuff from the past week.

Thanks for the feedback! :)


Interesting and fun stuff

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Detroit Red Wings last meals
  • Kyle Quincey: “Chocolate cake in raspberry sauce. No. 4 (Baconator) from Wendy’s, and then a Taco Bell supreme soft shell, on the inside of a Gordita Crunch supreme, but with Cool Ranch. McDonald’s fries. And a blizzard.”
  • Petr Mrazek: “Czech food, for sure. Like, dumplings with creamy sauce and meat. For dessert, strawberry mascarpone, cheesecake and brownies.”
  • Henrik Zetterberg: “Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingonberries. For dessert, peanut chocolate pie from Ocean Prime.”
  • Dylan Larkin: “My mom’s lasagna, and Tim Hortons donuts.”
  • Tomas Tatar: “Something greasy, like a hamburger. I like steak, but that is not what I would get because I am sick of it. So a burger and a chocolate brownie sundae.”
  • Niklas Kronwall: “Sushi — especially ‘salmon on the beach’ from Mon Jin Lau — and a lava cake from Morton’s.”
  • Johan Franzen: “Swedish pizza. It’s got everything on it — a gyro, sauce, fries, cheese. It’s not that good for you.”
  • Mike Green: “Cheeseburger and fries, everything greasy. No dessert. I’m not really a sweets guy.”
  • Jimmy Howard: “Chicken and ribs on the grill, then milk and Oreos.”
  • Darren Helm: “Steak, baked sweet potatoes with butter. Dairy Queen Heath blizzard.”
  • Brad Richards: “I’d go with cheeseburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake to wash it down.”
  • Alexey Marchenko: “Spaghetti bolognese, and chocolate fondue.”
  • Justin Abdelkader: “Well-cooked steak with vegetables. Milkshake for dessert.”
  • Brendan Smith: “Steak and wings, with Heath cake for dessert, with a lot of whipped cream.”
  • Teemu Pulkkinen: “Pasta with meat sauce, steak and mashed potatoes, and ice cream.”
  • Tomas Jurco: “Goulash.”
  • Jonathan Ericsson: “My wife’s meatballs with a cream sauce and mashed cauliflower and lingonberries, and a raspberry white chocolate truffle cheesecake for dessert.”
  • Riley Sheahan: “Pizza and chicken wings. Being from close to Buffalo, I’d want real buffalo chicken wings and pizza. Then cookies and cream ice cream in a nice, big soft serve cone.”
  • Luke Glendening: “Everything on the Taco Bell menu.”

eyeheartyummycupcakes  asked:

I have a good breakfast idea! A waffle in the shape of a hard shell taco. Then add bacon and sausage (like if it was taco meat) put eggs (like if the Eggs where lettuces) and syrup (like it was hot sauce!!) MAKE IT!!!!

Oh Dios, pues claro. ¡Que idea mas local! ¡Estás contratada!

This Pizza Chain Will Offer a Pizza Cake If You Vote for It!!!

Declaring “If you like it, we’ll make it," Boston Pizza is inviting Canadian fans (although the chain does have a little more than 40 locations here in the US) to vote on a number of "Pizza Game Changers,” including pizza mints (a tiny “pizza” of mint candy slices), a gas-powered pizza cutter, and pizza cake via pizzagamechangers.com

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