a strange secret of bruce wayne

Batman: Family Vol 1 1: Perception

This is the first part of an eight part storyline and Cass is spoken about, but not actually showing up, so let me just sum up the issue quickly: a strange new vigilante called Tracker has appeared in Gotham. He is working together with a strange, secret organization and the villain Suicide King, and is systematically taking out the corrupt Rossetti family. He dies at the end of the first issue, where we also find out that the newly appointed head of Wayne enterprises, a woman called Cecilia, is the Tracker’s mother and is trying to bring down Wayne Enterprises and Gotham with the help of this secret organization.

Now, when the Wayne Enterprises’ board of directors first decides to have Bruce removed as president, Bruce tells Robin he is planning to step down, since it will also give him more time for his vigilante job. Robin argues that Bruce could just keep on going as is, just by letting the family handle the crime-fighting for a while, specifically mentioning that Superman relies on Supergirl plenty of times and thus implying that Cass could do Bruce’s job just as well. It is great to see how far Tim has come in appreciating her since they first met (remember that Tim was really freaked out by her and did not trust Cass).

“...Where is our child ?” - Wonder Woman x fem!Reader

Hey, so because I often receive messages about you guys wanting “more Wondermom” (yes, “Wondermom” became a thing) well…I’m writing this story. This is basically a part 2 of : “take care of my babies or you’ll die”, so if you didn’t read that you can if you want, so this story will make more sense and…Boom, part 2, hope you’ll like it

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

__________________________________________________

The present :

You and Diana were sitting side by side on an upside down car, looking at the destruction the latest “League fight to save the World” created. 

Fortunately, everything happened after the small town where things went down was evacuated (thanks god your brother, Bruce, was always planning things so carefully and almost always managed to bring the villains where he wanted them to be, in inhabited places). But oh the destruction was still there. 

The small coffee shop that was absolutely the cutest and that made you want to sit in and drink a warm cup of brew was no more. 

The school, a school that eerily resembled the one your son used to go to, was no more.

People’s houses were gone. They all lost everything (though probably, “Wayne Enterprise” would get a new charity and give money and men to rebuild the place). All their possessions  were no more. Pictures of their families, the same kind that hung in your house, souvenirs and all…no more. 

Worst, the library and book shop right next door were no more…You sighed as you see a few pages of destroyed books fly in the wind. 

Your Diana’s arm is around your shoulder, and you cuddle closer to her as you witness the destruction you and your friends were responsible for…But hey, you saved the World again. Small sacrifices were always needed you know ? 

Still, her presence reassures you, makes you feel better. It always have. Having her beside you always made you stronger. 

Your wife’s voice startles you, as you weren’t expecting her to speak right now, in that short moment of peace after the storm :

-Remember when I said that I did NOT want our child to ever fight ? 

You smile weakly and straighten up a bit, turning your head to look at her. She smiles back at you, and you take a wild strand of her hair to put it behind her ear lovingly, brushing your fingers along her cheek, before saying : 

-Yes I do. The good old days. 

-When he wasn’t born yet and we could still hope. 

-Really, what did we expect ? He’s ours, of course he would have to fight one day…

-I just wished there was another way. That he could have had a normal life.

A loud sigh behind you makes you jump a bit and you both turn around…to be faced with your brother and his sons. 

The sigh was from the youngest, Damian and…oh God you couldn’t believe that brat was already an adult. You wished you could turn back time, to moments where he was not that giant man, but a tiny insecure boy who often came to his aunt for advices and hugs (yes, hugs. It was a secret between you and him). 

You don’t even have time to say anything as Damian begins : 

-You know, Thomas isn’t a baby anymore. He’s perfectly capable to handle himself on a battlefield. After all he’s from my…our family, there wasn’t any other way, and such an extraordinary being couldn’t have just a “normal life”. He’s important. Hell, he even saved Superman’s life today. He’s vital part of the league. And…

You roll your eyes and cut him off : 

-Yes yes I know Dami’, you told us a hundred time. 

-And yet you still baby him. You know, he just turned twenty and…

-LALALALALLALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU MY TOMMY IS STILL MY TINY SON LALALALALLALAAAAAA !! 

Diana chuckles lowly, your nephews (but Damian) full on laugh at the face their little brother is making (seriously, it could be the illustration for the word “annoyed” in the dictionary), and even your brother utter a small smile. 

Of course you know your boy isn’t a small child anymore but…you can’t help it. You can’t help but being a little bit sad and angry at yourself for ever letting him become a superhero too. You can’t help but feeling guilty about the life he’s doomed to lead. You can’t help but worry about him constantly. 

Sure, he’s twenty now but…Some things never change. 

Speaking about things that never change : 

-Wait…Where is he ? 

Bruce looks away and his sons do too, but you catch Tim’s look before he can and it’s impossible to avoid your gaze once it’s locked on something and…With a dangerous voice, you ask : 

-Spit it up Tim, my boy…Where’s our child ? 

Keep reading

musain-de-revolution  asked:

Batjokes with "I love your smile"? :)

“I love your smile.”

Joker looked up from the newspaper he was reading, and fixed his gaze on his more or less unwilling partner, also known as Batman. Or Bruce Wayne. But he was rather touchy on the subject of his secret identity so hush.

Team-ups between the two of them often wielded strange results. This time was no exception.

“You’re high,” stated Joker, flatly, though his eyes betrayed his amusement. And it was true. Both of them had taken quite the beating earlier today, but it seemed Bats had something of an issue with holding his drugs. Then again, not everyone got to stay as often as the clown at Arkham, so perhaps he could be forgiven for that shortcoming. The criminal certainly didn’t mind this talkative version of the usually scowling and abrasive vigilante.

“That doesn’t mean I’m wrong,” protested the very much out of it billionaire. “You should smile more.”

At this, the clown couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course not, darling, heaven forbid for you to ever be anything but right.”

“But will you smile?” insistently asked Wayne, as if it were of great importance.

“I’m always smiling.”

“Not that smile.”

Everything seemed to freeze for a moment, before–

“Of course, Brucie. I’ll always smile for you.”


Requested from this list.

Alfred's backstory mentioned in Gotham prequel novel Dawn of Darkness.

This book gives more info and insight into the Wayne’s loyal butler and his past. As this is an official prequel novel, this is about as canon as it can be unless the show directly contradicts it.

- served in the royal marines, got a Military Cross and saved an entire regiment on a mission in Kazakhstan

- spent a few years at Scotland Yard

- worked with MI3 and received a license to kill and went on numerous classified missions and gained many enemies

- on 2 occasions, he narrowly escaped assassins targeting him

- in an attempt at a calmer life, he took a job with a private army in the middle east that protected the interests of multinational corporations and during assignment in Libya, he met Thomas Wayne who was one of the army’s financiers

- he and Thomas became friends and stayed in touch for the next few years, Alfred was happy to learn when the Waynes had a baby boy

- when Bruce was two years old, Alfred finally met him and Martha during a Wayne family vacation in England

- 2 year old Bruce got along well with Alfred, always smiling and wanting to play with him all the time, which Martha and Thomas thought unusual because Bruce usually acted shy and distrusting around strangers

- Thomas knew Alfred had enemies continuing trying to target him and offered Alfred the butler position to get away from it all and move to Gotham

- Alfred declined the offer at first because it seemed too dramatic a change of life and he had no experience, and also he was in love for many years with a former french spy named Gabrielle and knew she wouldn’t want to move since she had family in Paris

- few weeks later when Alfred and Gabrielle were at dinner at a restaurant, two men entered and tried to kill him, Alfred shot and killed them both but a bullet from one of the two gunmen had killed Gabrielle

- Alfred blamed himself and was emotionally devastated, he hunted and killed the man who ordered the hit, but knew he couldn’t stay in England any longer because his enemies will just continue the cycle of violence and the place had too many memories of Gabrielle so he phoned Thomas and took the butler job and left for Gotham

- Alfred keeps a picture of Gabrielle in his wallet and thinks about her everyday, these days he’s just glad that he was lucky to have been in love

- Alfred made two separate promises to Thomas and Martha respectively, one to Thomas on being Bruce’s guardian and help him be ready for the fight to come, and one to Martha that he would keep Bruce away from violence and focus on his education

- Alfred did agree with Thomas’ view that Bruce will have to learn how to fight because he didn’t think that he alone was a permanent insurance policy as he didn’t think he would live that long despite Martha’s faith in his abilities to protect Bruce

- Alfred killed an intruder two months before the Wayne murder - that intruder was connected to Thomas’ past dealings over Hugo Strange and Indian Hill experiments

- Alfred and Harvey have met before the show started due to the break in at Wayne Manor where Alfred killed the intruder, their interaction wasn’t all that pleasant as Harvey implicitly suggested that Alfred might have sold out the Waynes’ security code, which only offended and enraged Alfred

- Alfred was suspicious of Thomas’ secret work, knowing that something was amiss, but did not get involved because it wasn’t his place to intrude into the privacy of his employer

- Thomas considers Alfred “his secret weapon” because he has a unique set of skills

- The Waynes and Alfred crossed paths with Jerome Valeska and his mother while they visited the circus and exchanged some heated words

Dark Days: The Forge #1 Review - Welcome Returns and Lore Building

“Before i get started, i want to say thanks to people who follow me and those who have read my reviews and thoughts since i joined Tumblr, it means a lot.

So Dark Days: The Forge #1 is one of two prelude issues, the other being The Casting #1, to the massive Dark Nights: Metal event brought to us by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo, the team behind the critically acclaimed New 52 Batman series.

The theme of this series is of course metal itself, The Forge and The Casting are terms relating to the blacksmith art of shaping metal into something else, and we start this story off with a diary entry from the recently deceased Carter Hall AKA Hawkman, who tells the story of how he first got his metal wings. In Ancient Egypt he came across what appears to be a Thanagarian ship in the sky that would ultimately give him, his princess (Shayera, Hawkgirl) and Hath-Set eternal life.

The metal in question is Nth Metal and that ship is made up of it entirely. We also learn that Carter had been exploring the Nth Metal for years as he would often have visions of another life that would disturb him and he wanted to know where it came from.

Having Hawkman tell us this story is a good narrative choice from Snyder (one of many he makes in this story), but it once again blurs the lines when it comes to the origins of the character.

Meanwhile in the present day, Batman is using his resources at Wayne Enterprises to fund undercover sites designed to investigate an issue with the metal, which is supposedly becoming unstable, a problem which Aquaman is more than happy to bring up as the site Batman narrowly escapes death from is based in the sea.

Arthur asks Bruce what he was looking for, but Bruce cryptically says that he knows what is locked beneath Atlantis, implying that some questions should go unasked for now. So what is buried beneath Atlantis? Is it related to the metal?

We later find Bruce back at his Batcave, it would seem he’s been working on this problem with the metal for some time and has even consulted other heroes on the matter, which brings back to the fold the one and only Mister Terrific, Michael Holt, returning to the main universe after some time away.

As it turns out though, Michael has been working with Bruce on this issue with the metal, travelling between Earth-0 and Earth-2 to bring Bruce information on a Multiversal level. Terrific reveals that the frequency infecting the metal on Earth-0 is also doing the same on Earth-2 and beyond, and even a man of his intellect doesn’t know why.

It’s honestly so good to see Michael back in the picture and in a huge story like this too. It’s easy to do a story that concentrates on the big core characters but Scott Snyder doesn’t do “easy”. Which brings us to another surprise returning character….

Mister Terrific sparks a thought in Batman, who decides to investigate further but instructs his colleague to bring someone out of the box……PLASTIC MAN!!!

Now what Bruce means by unstable though i’m not sure (people with his powers are known in fiction to become physically unstable and not be able to hold their form correctly), but Michael’s smile says it all right there, it’s good to have him back. 

Snyder pulls out another rabbit from his hat, because if you told me a year ago that Scott Snyder AKA Batman Guy was going to write a story that included Hawkman, Mister Terrific and Plastic Man in it, i would have laughed. This is what good writers can do though, explore the back catalogue and use any character so seamlessly, it’s one of the things i love about Geoff Johns so much.

Batman heads to the Arctic to see Superman in his Fortress. Years ago, Bruce asked Clark if he could have a room in the Fortress of Solitude, and made him also promise never to look at what he put in the room.

Clark was seemingly too nice to question his motives and agreed, and Bruce even shot the key to the room into the sun so no-one could go in there. But now Bruce needs to go into the room, and there’s only one person you can turn to….Scott Free AKA Mister Miracle!

Mister Miracle unlocks the door with ease and peaks at what is inside. He’s shocked, or horrified, or probably both, and tries to warn Bruce but he waves him off and tells him to leave.

I think Scott had a point though, because in the room is a tuning fork tower previously seen in Crisis On Infinite Earths and Infinite Crisis. These towers are designed to hone in on frequency that each Earth gives off and have been used to save them and replicate them, and they can potentially destroy them too.

How on Earth did Batman get hold of this though? How is it possible that this exists in the post-Flashpoint universe? So many questions and no answers, but we do know that Batman is about to use the massive tower to try and get a fix on the frequency that is coming off of the metal.

What could possible go wrong?

Meanwhile in Plot B, we join Hal Jordan as he is tasked by Ganthet, a Guardian of the Universe, to investigate rumours of a terrible truth coming to light on Earth and sends him to Wayne Manor. Hal thinks it should be an easy mission, but he doesn’t account for Duke Thomas.

Duke Thomas, not a Robin, is guarding the Batcave and tries to take on a Green Lantern. Poor boy, he didn’t stand a chance. Hal though gives the kid a break and explores a little, finding a secret cave in the Batcave. 

“Only Batman would have a secret cave inside his secret cave.”

He’s not kidding.

Hal and Duke explore this secret cave and are confronted by a mysterious voice, that gives them a guided tour of the things they’re about to see and gives us an insight into why Batman is exploring the metal in the first place.

As it turns out, it all started back when Bruce discovered the existence of the Court of Owls in the New 52 series of Batman, also written by Scott Snyder. In issue 7, Bruce discovers that the Talons, the assassins used by the Court are brought back from the dead using a special metal placed in a tooth called Electrum. Dick Grayson actually had one in his mouth for years as he was being groomed as a future Talon by the Court, before Bruce took him in at Wayne Manor.

As this mysterious voice in the secret cave tells Hal and Duke, Bruce was able to extract a strange substance from the tooth he took from Dick and found that it gave off a strange energy signature that was also found in some of the most powerful artifacts in the world.

As you can see from the picture, Bruce has collected Doctor Fate’s helmet (or one of them), a trident-like weapon possibly from Atlantis and a pair of bracers similar to what Wonder Woman wears.

The mysterious voice also mentions another element, Dionesium, a substance that took center stage during another Snyder Batman story known as Endgame.

Snyder is digging in deep to get these threads for his story, a great pair of callbacks to his previous work and again he pulls out another rabbit from his hat and brings back the original Outsiders group in their original line up!

It would be poor form for me not to mention another plot thread from this issue, which shows us the Immortal Man talking to an acquaintance about Elaine Thomas, Duke’s mother. As it turns out, the Immortal Man once offered Elaine immortality and she rejected him, and he has since been watching her with the hope she wouldn’t reveal his secret.

Immortal Man is one of many obscure characters being brought into the Metal event and will later be part of the Dark Matter line up of books, written by James Tynion IV and art from Jim Lee, so it makes sense that he would show up here.

Meanwhile, closing in on their strange tour guide, Hal and Duke make their way through the secret cave and Duke is already putting together who this stranger is.

To their horror they open a door and find a crazed Joker, crudely scratching numbers into a wall and laughing like a maniac. It appears that Bruce has been holding him captive for some time.

As i’ve already said, i love the fact that Snyder has gone outside of his comfort zone of the Batman universe and has used other characters for this story, if anything it really shows the growth he’s made as a writer and the confidence he has now to tell big stories. And this is a big story, make no mistake about it. He still uses the Batman related characters to frame his story but he’s not afraid to make pairings that no-one would do in a million years, i mean come on, Duke Thomas and Hal Jordan? It’s a cool idea!

As for bringing in characters like Mister Terrific and Plastic Man, it’s done so that you’re happy to see these guys return but also uses them in a way that feels integral to the story.

As a prelude to a larger story, this issue does a great job of helping set up the stakes as they are and intriguing us into what the mystery of the metal is going to end up being. I still have lots of questions, especially when it comes to Duke and his All-Star Batman story about him potentially being a meta-human and how his mother fits into this larger story.

As for the artwork, highly serviceable stuff. I’m not John Romita Jr’s biggest fan but his work on this issue is great. As usual Jim Lee owns the pages he draws and Andy Kubert captures the magic of Carter Hall’s life in his pages too.

TL;DR: A wonderfully done prologue to what could be one of the most original and interesting DC events in years, and does great fan service to those who loved Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s Batman series as well as those who love DC in general, with some great surprise characters turning up along the way.

Overall Rating - 10/10

anonymous asked:

What is your opinion on Dick Grayson's league of morally ambiguous exes/dangerous middle age harem/harem of morally ambiguous older men?

Lol, oh boy, you guys just keep making my day better :)))

 1. Bruce:

- Can we stop for a moment and appreciate that Broose here is definitely the founder and board member of the whole abnormal middle age club, please?

- Oh Jeez, Bruce. The guy loves Dick, really, he does.

- He just has a paralyzed face, and awkwardly pokes at the surface of human emotions and association with a ten feet pole like a cave man. 

- He favors Dick too much, to the point that everything of his is ready to be Dick’s at any time. Bruce might seem a little bit careless about Dick but no, that is actually just his way of showing how much he trust Dick and his ability to handle things.  

- Dick in his heart is like a part of himself. Like Batman always needs a Robin, a Wayne always needs a Dick Grayson, no matter what generation, or what universe they’re in.

- There’re too much things to say about BruDick to wrap up in this post, so I’m just gonna say that Bruce Wayne can’t live without Dick in his life, and that’s probably the reason why DC never dare to actually kill Dick off.

2. Slade:

- Deathstroke appears in every single DC character’s mind like a Boogie Man. And Dickie spent his childhood fighting him like it was nothing wrong.

- Slade and Dick probably have the most bittersweet relationship ever. I mean, so must trust and respect and understanding between them, they actually care for each other, really.

- But at the end of the day, they’ll still be fighting and betraying each other for a greater purpose. 

- He still sees Dick as someone special and definitely still wonders what the world would be like if they ever stand together

- He will fight and try to kill Dick, he has for countless times. But at the end of the day, if Dick asks, he would do anything.

3. Owlman:

- This guy is sick

- Really, can you crawl back to your universe pls? Dick almost died because of him, while the guy was trying to make him his.

- I mean what the sh*t?? 

- People, just see Thomas as a living example of what Bruce’d be like without Dick Grayson. 

- He’s crazy and psychotic and just sad. 

- Seriously, he just wants his Grayson back. 

4. Raptor:

- He’s like Slade.

- He’s rough, hurt, lonely, dangerous, and has interesting story. Seriously, he’s been a club member even before the writers give us materials to go to that conclusion.   

- He’s hurt when Dick denies him, like Slade went crazy and nuked Bludhaven when he found out Dick betrayed him and taught Rose heroic shits.

- And he’s a stalker too. I mean, he sleeps in the room full of Dick’s pics!

- Even when he goes around with Pigeon (Nightwing 2016 #32-33) the routine goes on. How the heck is your girl ok with this, man??

5. Midnighter:

- He has a boyfriend, the not-Dick boyfriend 

- He’s totally eager to have an openly officially 3P relationship with Appollo and Dick, if allowed.

- He has good eyes. Real good eyes.

- He just downright makes Dick nervous. 

6. Tiger:

- The friendzone not so friendzone relationship

- He just likes to play hard to get, because it suits his character. But seriously, he’s weak for Dick.

- He’s the kind of guy that would go running and screaming “You’re an idiot!”, but would still do Dick’s crazy shit anyway. 

- He’s the Tiger Kind of Kandahar, he’s a top agent and current director of a top-secret operation, he has the movements of Batman, he kills and being badass like eating bread for breakfast. 

- And Dick calls him Tony, and Tig.

- I think he secretly likes the names. 

This club is full of dark, powerful, possessive, strange ass men. What the heck, these people could tear universes apart working with each other, what the hell Dick!!!??

P/S: Blockbuster, Constantine and the whole Court of Owl are waiting on the line, just… someone locks Dick down a basement, please!

5

One of the rejected episodes for BTAS would have involved a hypnotist by the name of the Mad Maestro using his powers to scam and rob Gotham’s wealthy population. Unused or not, but that does appear to be a plot used fairly often in the Batman side of the DCAU.

You have,

Prophecy of Doom, where a fake new age prophet uses his persona to scam people.

Eternal Youth, where Poison Ivy invites rich people to a health spa to encase them in wood and turn them into horrifying wooden statues.

The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne, where psychotherapist Hugo Strange invites wealthy people to his clinic for councilling… only to use a machine to read their minds and blackmail them with the secrets he learns.

Chemistry, where Poison Ivy creates custom vegetable people to marry rich single people so she can inherit their cash by proxy after drowning them in a boating accident.

And, in Batman Beyond, Spellbound, where a school counciller targets students from rich families and employees of wealthy people and mindcontrols them into robbing the place… Making it the closest to the Mad Maestro idea, really.

There is also the episode the Terrible Trio, who also target rich people… but are in fact rich people themselves, and are committing crimes out of boredom, entitlement, and classism. They are the kind of people who unironically use the term “the Help“.

Superheroes signs

Aries

Hellboy

“But if there must be an end, let it be loud. Let it be bloody. Better to burn than to wither away in the dark.”
— Mike Mignola (Hellboy, Vol. 6: Strange Places (Hellboy, #6))

Taurus

Wonder Woman

“Active or ambitious women were not only rare but often evil. Wonder Woman flipped this paradigm by embodying the strength, assertiveness, and independence usually associated with bad girls and villains in a positive heroic light. The Golden Age Wonder Woman was a blatant rejection of the good girl/bad girl binary and even offered a critique of the good girl role.”  
 ―    Tim Hanley,   Wonder Woman Unbound: The Curious History of the World’s Most Famous Heroine    

Gemini

Spider Man

“It’s always easy to be what you are– What’s hard is to be what you want to be.”               

  —    Spiderman

Cancer

Black Panther

      – but perhaps I do need to talk a bit about home – about days long forgotten – about nights lost in time’s shadow – and about the origin of one whom the outside world has called – The Panther!     

–T'Challa

Leo

Superman

You asked me what “being Superman” means. Being Superman doesn’t mean I’m greater than anyone. But it does mean I’m better than you.    

– Kal-El

Virgo

Captain America

You have your definition of a hero and I have mine — and mine includes being a lot more aware.  

  –Steven Rogers

Libra

Daredevil

     I’m a blind lawyer with a history of incarceration and personal tragedy. What in that make-up makes you think I have a sense of humor?   

– Matt Murdock

Scorpio

Spawn

Spawn: You sent me to Hell! I’m here to return the favor!

- Spawn (1997).

Sagittarius

Green Arrow

Tell your friends there’s a hunter on the streets. This is my town now, and creeps like you are an endangered species.

–Oliver Queen 

Capricorn

Batman

Bruce Wayne: It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me. 

- Batman Trilogy

Aquarius

The Atom

 Now that I am able to turn myself into a human Atom – who knows what strange and wonderful things may happen? 

–Raymond Palmer 

Pisces

Aquaman

The story must start with my father, a famous undersea explorer — if I spoke his name, you would recognize it. My mother died when I was a baby, and he turned to his work of solving the ocean’s secrets. His greatest discovery was an ancient city, in the depths where no other diver had ever penetrated. My father believed it was the lost kingdom of Atlantis. He made himself a water-tight home in one of the palaces and lived there, studying the records and devices of the race’s marvelous wisdom. From the books and records, he learned ways of teaching me to live under the ocean, drawing oxygen from the water and using all the power of the sea to make me wonderfully strong and swift. By training and a hundred scientific secrets, I became what you see — a human being who lives and thrives under the water.

–Aquaman

Chaotic is Great - Jason Todd x Reader x Batfam

Anon asks: “Meeting the family was so cute! i loved it, are you going to be making a part 2 where reader meets the rest of the family? :)”

Warnings: swearing but that’s it I think, tell me if I missed something

a/n: I’m screaming I had to edit this like 500 times because it kept glitching, fuck you Tumblr. Anyways! This took me so long I think everybody’s forgotten about Meeting the Family! But it is done, and I am happy with it! And I hope you’ll all be happy with it too.

Part 1


“Oh,” Jason starts

“Shit.” Tim finishes.

What was that exclamation about, you ask? Oh, nothing, just yours and Jason entire apartment is now completely wrecked. Yeah, not good. Both Tim and Jason surveyed the area. So, there were 5 broken plates, two broken vases, a broken mirror, two broken tables, and last but not least, a bullet hole in the wall. The plates broke when Jason had launched them like Frisbees at Tim’s head. The vases had broken when Tim chucked them at Jason in retaliation. The mirror had broken when Jason tried to shove Tim into it, but Tim moved quickly which caused Jason to ram himself into the mirror instead of his brother. The tables had broken when Jason proceeded to tackle Tim into the first one, and then Tim launched Jason on the second one. And finally, the bullet hole in the wall. You know, Jason wasn’t aiming to kill his brother. Maybe just graze his arm, or maybe his leg…or maybe his neck. He missed though, thankfully.

Both boys were panicking, Tim more-so because…

“Jason she’s gonna be pissed at me! What the hell?” Tim exclaims, pulling at the roots of his hair. “That’s not my problem.” Jason replies, as he evaluates how to hide most of the damage from you. “Yes, it is. You think she’s just going to let you off with all off…this?” Tim says, while gesturing around at the mess they had made. Jason pauses, thinking of the question at hand. “Okay, fuck help me hide this shit!” He orders, throwing Tim a broom.

Tim speedily swept up all of the broken glass from the mirror, and the broken vases and plates. Jason took on the tables, quickly super-gluing the legs into place, hoping that it would hold until he could get replacements. Both of them heard that the shower was still on, to which they both heaved a sigh of relief. Looking around, Tim saw that Jason had “fixed” the tables, and that everything was looking somewhat normal. The only things missing were the vases and the mirror, but Y/N wouldn’t mind, right? Oh wait, yeah there was also that bullet hole in the wall.

“How in the fucking shit am I supposed to cover that?” Jason whisper yells, as the shower had turned off about 3 minutes ago. The boys were running on limited time, they needed to cover that bullet hole now. And that was when Tim saw it, a painting sitting in the corner waiting to be hung. “How long have you procrastinated putting that up?” Tim asks Jason, pointing over to the work of art. “None of your fucking business.” Jason grumbles. Tim just gives him a look of ‘don’t-be-a-bitch-man-we-have-like-two-minutes’. “Fine it was 3 weeks, but you bet your ass I’m putting it up now.” Jason declared, as he hung the painting over the bullet hole.

You were scared. You had heard the ruckus. You knew what was going on. And you knew that, more than likely, all the shit in your apartment was now broken, smashed, and ruined. Did you mind? Sort of. Were you going to hold it against them? Nope, because today was a good day, you were meeting Jason’s family today. So, you put all of the ruckus aside, even though you did hear what sounded exactly like a gunshot. Jason wouldn’t kill his brother though, right?

Your mind had calmed after you heard Jason and Tim bickering. Knowing now that no one was dead or seriously injured, you could continue getting ready. You wanted to look nice, you were meeting the Wayne’s after all, this wasn’t a time where you could just be casual about it. But later that night you would regret wearing the white silk dress you were currently putting on. Shoving your hair up in a messy, but also somehow stylish high ponytail, you began to pace. Not because of the boys in your living room, no, but because you were about to meet your boyfriend’s family. It was getting to be time to go as well, seeing as it was 7:30pm, and you were supposed to be there at 8:00pm.

“You can do this Y/N. You star on Broadway every week to people who are no doubt criticizing the shit out of you, you can meet Jason’s family. Look how well it went with Tim!” You tell yourself, as you open the door to your living room.

And you just ate your words. Because your mirror was missing, as were your vases, you also saw the plate shards in the trash. Your two tables were crooked and on the verge of falling, and you could see the small cracks in the wall coming from behind the newly hung painting. But thank god the tv hadn’t been smashed, you spent a ton of money on it. Walking out of your bedroom, the clicking of your stilettos alerted the boys to your presence. Just by seeing the look of sheer shock on your face, Jason knew you had a clear idea of all the damage. And after reanalyzing the room, both Tim and Jason realized they hadn’t done an exactly stellar job at hiding the mess.

“Hey baby, you look gorgeous, as always.” Jason blurts out, jumping up to try and block your view of the living room. He was guilty, you could see it in his eyes. “Aw, thanks Jay. How have you boys been?” You ask, tone sickening sweet, and quite honestly scaring the fuck out of Jason. “We’ve ah, erm, um, been good, just relaxing, and um are you ready to go?” Jason rambles, and that ticked you off to the fact that he was lying. He always rambled when he lied you noticed. His ears also turn bright red, so those two factors combined gave him a built in lie-detector of sorts (a/n: those are actually my headcannons of how you can tell when Jason is lying.). You decided to let him off. “Yeah baby, I’m ready to go. Are you and Tim ready?” You ask.

“Yes!” They both shout, simultaneously.

“Fair warning Y/N, our family’s um…” Tim starts, trailing off after not quite knowing exactly what to say.

“Fucked. Tim means to say that our family is fucked and weird, and that is why I avoided them all.” Jason finishes, making both you and Tim give him a look of ‘wow-buddy-you’re-a-dick’. “What? I’m just kidding!” Jay exclaims, as he parks your car in front of the manor.

Oh god, here you go. You weren’t entirely prepared for this. Could you just go home? That was an option, right? Jason would surely fulfill that request. No! No, you were going to see this through, meet the family, and have a good time damn it! So, taking in a breath of preparation, you ordered the boys in the car to join you in heading to the door.


“We’re home!” Tim shouts, as he flings open the door to the manor, quickly rushing inside and disappearing for a few moments.

“Ah, you must be Miss Y/N, I’ve heard lovely things about you from Master Timothy. I’m Alfred, and if you need anything please be sure to ask me.” Alfred introduces himself to you, successfully calming some of your nerves. You had heard many stories of Alfred, Jason held the man up in the highest form of respect you had ever seen.

“Yes, that would be me. I’ve heard splendid things about you from Jason. And thank you, I’ll be sure to ask for anything if I need it, sir.” You reply, trying to be formal and respectful, while still trying to not feel fake. God, this shit was hard and you had only spoken to one person. Jason saw the slight distress in your eyes, but your face didn’t project that same nervousness. You were an amazing actress; I mean you were on Broadway after all.

“You okay, baby? We can go home if you’re not.” Jason whispers to you, squeezing your hand in comfort. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine Jay. Just nervous. They’re your family after all, I know they mean a lot to you. I just want to impress them.” You admit, clicking your heels together like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. “You don’t need to impress my family, Y/N. They’ll love you regardless. But if you’re so worried, then just know they’re already impressed that you even showed up. I told them I had a girlfriend a few times, they never believed me.” Jason chuckles, and it was true. He had tried to tell them about you 3 times over your 8-month relationship, but every time they thought he was kidding.

Breathing in a sigh of relief at Jason’s consolation, you feel ready to meet the rest of them. And just to your luck, here comes a very bubbly, blue-eyed man with jet black hair. Were those traits like a theme with this fucking family?

“You must be Y/N! Hi, I’m Dick, Jason’s older brother.” Dick introduces himself to you, putting his hand out for what you think is a handshake, but instead when you give him your hand he brings it up to his mouth and kisses it. You were pretty sure your face matched the scarlet shade of lipstick you were wearing. “I-um, ahem, yes I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you Dick.” You reply, fumbling with your words as you try to regain your cool. You could feel Jason literally shaking with jealousy next to you, and before you can say ‘my-boyfriend-has-no-chill’, Jay is chasing Dick around the manor. Dick does about 500 backflips up the staircase as Jason bounds after him.

“Oh dear god, I’m sorry for my sons’ behavior, Y/N. Hello by the way, I’m Bruce.” A voice speaks out, causing you to whip around. Like the voice said, it belonged to Bruce Wayne, who was currently standing in front of you with a smile on his face. “Um, it’s okay sir, I’m used to it with Jason.” You reply, shaking Bruce’s hand as you do so. He lets out a laugh, which is strange because since when does Batman laugh. Oh yeah, you knew about the whole secret identity thing, Jason had told you 4 months into the relationship.

“Jason is trouble, always has been.” Bruce says, as he looks around, searching for his kids you presume. “Ah, here’s the final person you need to meet. This is my youngest son, Damian.” Bruce says, as he gestures to a 13-year-old boy who already showed that he would fit in with the whole ‘we’re-literally-hot-as-fuck’ family theme. Really, was there a man in Gotham who didn’t have black hair, blue eyes, and an extremely sharp jawline?

“I don’t need your introduction, father. Hello Y/N, as you heard, I’m Damian.” The boy says, as he walks up to you, kissing your hand when he reaches you. Okay, when even the 13-year-old is fucking flirt, that’s when you know a family has something good going on. “Well hello Damian, may I ask where your brothers are?” You ask him, curious as to why the rest of the family went missing. “Grayson and Todd are upstairs fighting over you I believe, and Drake is holed up in his room, pacing around like a rabid dog. Luckily, I’m here to keep you company.” Damian responds, as he guides you to the manor’s living room. He shows you some of his drawings, he was a really talented kid, you’d noticed that when you saw the first drawing, which looked like it could’ve been a damn photo of his father in front of a set of computer systems. Just as you finish getting through the first sketchbook Damian had grabbed, you heard a voice ring out…

“Dinner!“


Sitting at dinner was strange. You were sat in-between Jason and Tim, Dick being sat across from Jason, Damian being sat across from you, and Bruce being sat across from Tim, while Alfred was at the head of the table. You were silently eating the delicious soup that Alfred had made, as Jason and Dick were bickering, ignoring their food completely. Bruce had tried to stop them of course, that doesn’t mean he was successful. Damian had been subtly flirting with you the entire night, which was really weird, I mean where did the kid think he was getting? Alfred had been silent, other than to ask if everyone was enjoying their food. And Tim, god, Tim had been a lifesaver, he was engaging you in a conversation about both Hamilton the musical, and Alexander Hamilton himself.

“The Federalist Papers are without a doubt one of the most influential sets ever created.” Tim comments, distracting you from the fact that a roll of bread had been chucked at Dick, by Jason of course. “Absolutely, they inspired a lot of the aspects of our government today. Many of the ideals of the Constitution are based on those papers, and the ideas of the Fathers’ themselves obviously.” You reply, as you lift a spoonful of soup to your mouth.

“You know what, you prick? I’m done with this conversation!” Jason yells, as he dumps his glass of water on top of Dick’s head. You jump a bit, not expecting that to have happened.

“Jason!” Bruce exclaims, shame clear on his face.

“No, no B, it’s okay.” Dick shouts, before tossing his soup at Jason. Thankfully it wasn’t scalding, but honestly you don’t think the brothers would’ve cared if it was.

“My god, you’re revealing yourselves as the fools you truly are in front of our beautiful guest.” Damian commented, with a slight smirk on his face.

“You little fucker!” Jason shouts, throwing a bread roll at Damian’s head. “Shut up Damian!” Dick screeches, before dumping his water on Damian’s head.

“You…you…INSUFFERABLE IDIOTS!” Damian roars, before throwing his water at Dick, and his soup at Jason. But, you see the thing is, Damian miscalculated the throw of the soup, and it hit you instead, coating your white dress in warm, but very staining brown soup. “Oh no, I am so sorry Y/N-” Damian starts, “You’re throwing soup at my girlfriend, you little rat!” Jason screams, launching salad at Damian.

Before you can even realize what’s going on, someone grabs your arm, pulling you to safety under the table. Looking around, you see it was Tim who drug you both under the safety of the table.

“I’m so sorry, we’re a little…very, no we’re very chaotic.” Tim apologizes, looking like a little puppy who was about to be punished. Remember folks, he idolizes you, and now his brothers have ruined this entire experience for him. “Hey, chaotic is okay. Chaotic is great. The Revolutionary War was chaotic, searching for a new government was chaotic, but it ended up alright huh? This’ll end up alright too. Thanks, by the way, for dragging us to safety.” You softly tell Tim, a genuine smile on your face. He smiles back, nodding in response to you thanking him.

“And listen, we’re still on for that show tomorrow, yeah?” You ask the boy next to you. Tim nods, a small smile on his face as he does.

“And, maybe, just maybe, we’ll bring the whole family.” You say.

“No! We won’t!” Jason yells.

“Burn in the depths of hell, Todd. We’re going!”

“Fuck you, you fucking tater tot!”

what if people have noticed the way the wayne family acts. how the kids always almost say “batman” instead of dad/bruce, or how whenever batman disappears, bruce wayne is suddenly unavailable. the butler’s strange behaviour and the darkness that’s always somehow around the waynes or the secrets and everything that has led some people throughout comics’ history to unravel batman’s secret identity

what if gotham remembers all those little details? what if there are forums on the internet solely dedicated to these mishaps? it’s become such a big deal over the years online that everyone now thinks the wayne family’s just trying really hard to make the world think they’re batman and co, that it’s just a stunt to gain them more popularity because “that’s how elitists are”. so they decide to write it off. all of it

the waynes are a meme