a sporting contest i can respect

Star Trek Alien Races’ Attitudes:

Vulcans: “I’m on depression medicine that allows me to make better choices.”

Bolians: “You’ve GOT to try the corn chowder.”

Andorians: “Check it out! Physical sports contest at Sol III! No, I don’t care if you don’t want to go, I still will!”

Betazoids: “I pretty much can read your entire thoughts except… except when you’re really angry at me. Yeah, like right now. Oops.”

Tellarites: “I’m short, tough & fast so between my dumb luck & my speed, you probably won’t hit me.”

Bojorans: “We are respectful of the Profits & totally kick ass as fighters. Do you want the last hasperat? I’m not hungry.”

Humans: “Don’t tell me the odds. The bizarre & risky works. Now if you will excuse me, please hold my beer, I’ve got this.”

Romulans: “I like being secretly aggressive. People fear me that way as they never know what my real intentions are!”

Remans: “Romulans are bastards & the galaxy will pay for it.”

Tholians: “Everything is too cold. The Galaxy hates & fears us because we’re super punctual, so screw them.”

Klingons: “I’m personally convicted to do great & violent things because Kahless said so, dammit!”

Orions: “I am going to seduce every single bit of money out of you. Either that or make you my work slave.”

Gorn: “I respect bravery, good engineers & a good fight. You don’t see many of our women because they pretty much brood mothers which command us as a society.”

Nausicaans: “Piracy is more fun because you get paid to mock Starfleet security & well, unlike Starfleet, you actually get paid. Period.”

Ferengi: “You just hate me because I’m successful. Hey, don’t touch my safe! There’s contraba- err precious family heirlooms in there!”

Cardassians: “Everyone sucks compared to us because we are very organised.”

Dominion Races: “Let’s conquer everything because I’m tired of the ear sandpaper that is galactic politics. Yeah, let’s just shut them all up.”

Breen: “Everything is too hot, save for space. If you’ve got the goods, we will help you conquer them all.”

Deferi: “Gotta balance socialism & capitalism. Seems to work as healthcare is almost free.”

So’na: “We hate our parents! Let’s go get some youthful revenge!”

Voth: “Everyone sucks compared to us because they refuse to keep the same temperature as their environment… Except the Turei, who do.”

Turei: “The Voth will always take care of us! That’s why the rest of you can go fly into a pulsar.”

Talaxians: “Heyo! C’mon in! I could use a friend to help set up the dinner table.”

Hierarchy: “I basically own the deal you made with us. Don’t void it. We have corporate spies EVERYWHERE.”

Malon: “So what if we dumped the radiation there? If you want it cleaned up, you do it.”

Hazari: “Who’s the guy? Where is he? How much money to waste him depends one the two previous questions.”

Kobali: “We basically reproduce by reanimating corpses. So what if we’re zombies?! Don’t judge, we’re all barren!”

Benthans: “Protect & serve because nobody else will. Lazy Delta Quadrant douche bags…”

Undine: “Everyone is inferior to us… Precisely why we disguise ourselves as them to mess them up with our psychic powers.”

Borg: “Everything must be the same, everyone must be the same. Do NOT take the plastic off my furniture! You WILL all play with the same toy, do NOT make me get out the whip!”