a sixth part of the world

Saturn in the First- Through Striving, slowly building myself, I create who I was meant to be.

Saturn in the Second- I learn the value of the material world, but also how to value myself despite it.

Saturn in the Third- I learn to master my mind.

Saturn in the Fourth- I learn to find my warmth outside of those four walls.

Saturn in the Fifth- I learn how to kick back, relax, love and follow my bliss.

Saturn in the Sixth- I learn that I am a part of something bigger, that I am one stroke of a painting.

Saturn in the Seventh- In others I find my life lessons greet me.

Saturn in the Eighth- I learn to let go of all that is transient.

Saturn in the Ninth- Through disciple, I find knowledge of the highest power.

Saturn in the Tenth- I strive for recognition, to be seen in dignified glory.

Saturn in the Eleventh- I seek a society that will cradle me, support my energy, but instead I find myself glancing away from warm eyes and small smiles on the street.

Saturn in the Twelfth- I can feel the accumulation of all our shared struggles seep into me. It can be overwhelming.

Percy is done with Rick's shit
  • Percy: I'm twelve, my biggest issue is passing the sixth grade. Okay, I got this.
  • Rick: Child of the sea god. Part of an important prophecy. Titans are rising. World at stake.
  • Percy: ... That's... Fine. That's fine. I can handle that.
  • Rick: Giants are rising. Part of another prophecy. Earth itself wants to kill you. Twice as many gods this time plus giants for funsies.
  • Percy: No... Problem. It's completely manageable.
  • Rick: Egyptian gods are alive too, btw. Crazy ghost magician wants to be a god. End of life as you know it.
  • Percy: Can you stop?
  • Rick: Greek gods are starting shit again. Oracles are down. Apollo is human. God emperors that have been starting shit since day 1 are ready to reveal their master plan.
  • Percy: ...............
  • Rick: Oh and Norse--
  • Percy: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!!!!!
Fluff and Smut

Cash Or Credit


My Favourite Christmas Present

Do You Wanna Build A Snowman

Dream A Little Dream

New Year

Great Expectations

Movie Night


Confidence - Part Two

Confidence - Part Three

Poker Face

I’ve Got A Theory

Forget Me Not

Inside Out

The Bad Touch

Slippery When Wet

Searching for Jane

Intelligence Isn’t Everything


Elliot And Eeyore

Broken Showers

Jams With Java

At Last - Jams With Java 2

Helping Hands


Counter Act

Netflix And Chill


Something To Talk About

A (W)hole New World

A (W)hole New World - Two

A (W)hole New World - Three

A (W)hole New World - Four

A (W)hole New World - Five

A (W)hole New World - Six

The First Time In Forever

The First Time In Forever - Two

The First Time In Forever - Three

The Elephant In The Room

Emergency Brake

Normal Activity


Trapped - Two

A Slight Wobble



I Drove All Night

Amplification Amplified

The Best Sort Of Workout

Sugar Hearts

Sucker For Suckers

Team Bonding

Picture Perfect

Picture Perfect Two


Sixth day of the @starcoweek3​ and today prompt is: Little Mermaid AU

I know that you know that I have to do a “re-draw” of TWO favorite song of the little mermaid movie: Part of you world and Kiss the girl. 

♪  Wish I could be, Part of you wooorld  ♪ 

This song always get me chill!! I love the feeling that this song have, is a beautiful song that describes perfectly the dream of be “part of a world” in this case, star wants to be part of the world of the humans. (Btw, I’m sorry for not draw it a background and have to use the unique background that I could found, I suck with backgrounds and the time was short (。╯3╰。) )

♪  Shalalala, my, oh, myLook at the boy too shy He ain’t gonna kiss the girl  ♪

OMG!! I love this song is so ( > w < ) It’s go well with EVERY otp, you has a fan sometimes are like “C’mon!!! Kiss her!! (or him)” In fact, when I was drawing they pose I was like “kiss the girl Marco! Or you gonna missed it!” (another final BTW, I chance the horns for sea stars because I though it will be more cute, especially because the name of “star” he? he? he?   (^_~))

Teenagers (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

And Marigolds All in a Row - blueberryphancakes

Summary: Dan is angry. Angry at the world, angry at his parents, angry at his classmates who treat him more like a punchline than a person. New to Brookwood Academy, he does his best to keep his head down and take advantage of his opportunity at a fresh start, but getting through sixth form unnoticed proves harder than expected. Then, one day, he wanders into a garden with as many secrets as flowers and meets a boy who has managed to do just that.

Christmas Party - cafephan

Summary: During a Christmas party with his friends, Phil finds himself alone and upset in a room full of loved-up couples. Dan is there to comfort him.

Color Me Shades Of Smitten - phanniephil

Summary: High school au in which Dan is an introspective poet, and Phil is a quiet math geek. One day their paths cross, and their lives both change for good.

Do You Believe In Magic? - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan and Phil live in a world where magic exists. They’ve grown up together in a same small town and have learned to hate each other. One day a ‘witch’ casts a spell on them to make them switch bodies with each other. They spell can’t be undone until they learn to get along.

Falling Slowly - snowbunnylester

Summary: The two shy boys in class are forced to do a project together, and a relationship is born.

Feelings Gone Unnoticed - studio-phan

Summary: Phil Lester was beyond perfect, but sadly he wasn’t mine.

Feel The Sunshine - interrupted-by-fireworks

Summary: Dan’s promised to go to his brother’s soccer game but starts to get bored there. That is, until he bumps into someone and spills his drink.

here comes the sun (do do do do) - starryskylester

Summary: Dan sits behind Phil in English class. Dan does weird things to get the boy he likes’ attention. Dan somehow succeeds.

i’m not a saint but do I have to be? (ao3) - ecstasin

Summary: Phil’s very serious about his role as a prefect and Dan just wants his attention (and some fun).

It’s Just The Way It Is? (ao3) - Fangirlcraze

Summary: Dan is a rich british teen with no sense of how to live and provide for himself. His mother’s job forces them both to move to America. Among all the changes, his new public school is much different than the all-boys private school he attended back in England. The families are poor, the kids are aren’t as rude, and America is filled with amazingly weird culture that Dan is cautious to explore. Phil is an American teen with a weekend job and an average SAT score. For community service hours, he has to guide a snobby rich british teen on how to adjust to a new school and eventually, a new perspective on life.

Kiss Me Alot (ao3) - transphil

Summary: Phil offers to be Dan’s first kiss.

Like A Superhero (ao3) - extraterrestriallester (juleswatsvn)

Summary: Dan is a grumpy teenager that doesn’t want to go on holiday with his parents. Phil works at the campsite shop. What will happen when they meet?

My Pastel Prince - uslovesphan

Summary: Pastel!Dan gets the amazing news that his boyfriend, Punk!Phil, is moving to his town. Dan gets bullied by his classmates and Phil finds out about it, but that Phil knows, doesn’t work out very well for Dan.

More Or Less (Than) Friends - uslovesphan

Summary: Phil is popular and cool and has lots of friends, Dan is shy and doesn’t have any friends. Neither of those things turn out to be ideal, but they might be ideal together.

No Wrong Way - snazzydan

Summary: This isn’t how he’s supposed to be. Phil is in love with the girl he thinks Dan is. Dan can’t bear to disappoint him with the truth.

One Daydream Away - awkwarddezzy

Summary: “He strolls through the halls with his head held high, a coy smirk playing on his lips, but his eyes tell me otherwise.” In which Phil is a dark enigma that Dan will never give up on. High school AU, Punk! Phil and Pastel! Dan.

Raspberry Vodka - dansleftboob

Summary: Teen!Phan try raspberry vodka and anal sex for the first time.

The Summer - snowbunnylester, botanistlester

Summary: Dan Howell has spent the last three summers at Camp Bergamot, but it’s never been quite like this before. This year, he faces a summer full of new friends, a new relationship, and an entirely new view on his own sexuality. Perhaps Camp Bergamot should be renamed camp self discovery for all the changes Dan has gone through, but one thing’s for sure - despite all the hiccups and the drama, he just might have found the love of his life.

Two Doors Down (ao3) - thejigsawtimess

Summary: Dan drums in the dead of night to dispel the quiet. Phil can hear him from two doors down.

Who’s That Boy? - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan Howell is the shy, loser kid who nobody notices unless they’re picking on him. Nobody cares about him until they find out that he’s dating a mystery older boy on a motorbike, named Phil Lester.

You Are You And I Am I - lesterkinky

Summary: singer!dan and baker!phil au.

you keep on hitting, but i keep on swinging - magicalphil

Summary: Dan’s an asshole and Phil tries to convince himself Dan isn’t one.

Fic masterlist

So I decided to make a master list!! 

T- Teen
M- Mature
E- Explicit 


The Bodyguard (M; in progress; co-written by @alittlemissfit)
An AU crossover between The X Files and  The Bodyguard (the movie). Scully is a bodyguard who is hired to protect Mulder. 

Evelyn Samantha (in progress) 
After giving up William and being on the run for a few years Mulder and Scully settle down and have a couple more children who turn out to be as extraordinary as their first born who finds his way back into their life. (almost to the end)

The Red Haired Woman (in progress)
William begins to have visions of a woman who he believes to be his mother. Picks up at the end of season 10 (Post colonization; also almost to the end)

My Sister
A series of vignettes exploring Scully’s thoughts on her sister at different big events in her life. 


Never Leave (M) - 52) things you said with my lips on your neck

Movie Night (T) - Every Saturday Mulder and Scully have a beer, pizza and movie night

Head (E)- After watching Caddyshack Scully gives Mulder some head.

Nightmares (G)- 94. “I had a bad dream again.”

Deal (T)- 39. “It’s your turn to make dinner.”

No Fun (E)- “Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!!!”; “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

Chances (G)- 53) things you said in the dark

The Invention of the Kiss (G)- “I was really hoping I’d hallucinated all that”

One Room. One Bed. (E)- 37: “They mixed up our reservations. One room. One bed.”; 39: “You, my friend, are a filthy sinner, and I approve wholeheartedly.”; 40: “Did you mean like… this?”

Classic Trope (G)- XF Writing Challenge Prompt: sharing a bed

Relaxation (E)- Mulder, Scully, baseball, hot tub.

The Domestic Life (T)- 52. Why don’t you try it if it’s so easy?; 57. Put some clothes on for the love of God.

Feelings (T)- “You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me?”; “Jesus, you’re acting like you don’t even want to touch me!”

Airplane (E)- Prompt word: airplane

The Short Trip (T)- 75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”

Fireworks (T)- 136. “Seriously, staring at me won’t get me to be your new years date"

Unbridled (E)- Just another version of how Mulder and Scully dealt with the fallout from En Ami.

A Kiss in the Dark (G)- 26. “I didn’t intend to kiss you.”

Come Home (G)- 28. Familiar cuddle

Never Let You Go (G)- 30. Out of necessity (trapped in a small space, etc.)


Mr. Tamborine Man- A reflection of Mulder’s life. 

Because You’re Mine-

Mulder and Scully have a night out on the town.

Wonderful YouMulder and Scully have a private moment in the hospital during the Cancer arc.

Hurt- What if Mulder never found the cure to Scully’s cancer? 

Rambling Man- A reflection on Scully’s life. 

Night Terror-

Mulder and Scully’s partnership through the years

Nothing Else Matters- Mulder makes Scully a playlist as they rebuild their relationship (s10)

Stand alones: 

Last Regrets (G)- As Scully is dying of cancer Mulder finds a note intended for him after her death. 

Tears (E)- Another angsty smutty Sein Und Zeit fic but I think you’ll like it

Against the World (M)- Post- colonization one shot. Mulder and Scully only find comfort in each other.

Late Night at the Lab (E)- Mulder and Scully have been sleeping together for a little less than a week when Mulder reveals a fantasy he has always had about her.

A Visit From Santa (G)- The Scully-Mulder family discusses belief in Santa Claus.

Beeb (E)- Mulder and Scully have dreams that are very similar.

Bibs and Barbecue Sauce

 (E)- Mulder and Scully bond over good Barbecue.

My Last Testament (T)- Diana Folwey’s version of events.

Licking Mulder (E)- Title pretty much explains it.

Love into Hate (G)-How did Mulder’s parent’s relationship affect his own relationships?

Our Own Little World (M)-Mulder and Scully are running from the FBI.

Contemplating Death (T)-Scully, Mulder, and Teena’s thoughts during Sein Und Zeit.

Mr. Scully (T)-A short little conversation Mulder and Scully have in bed.

Growing Up (G)-William has a date on Halloween

Not Alone (G)-Random thoughts about Mulder’s beliefs about God. 

Baseball and Horror (G)-Mulder and William are watching the World Series and want Scully to join them.

Snow Day (G)-Scully, Mulder, and William venture out into the snow.

My Religion (M)-Mulder has long professed to be an atheist but he recently finds salvation in a new religion.

Triangle Revisited (T)-What if Mulder never got out of the Bermuda Triangle in season 6?

Finding William (G)-Mulder and Scully need to find Will before the 2012 deadline.

His Brilliant Mind (T)- “When his brilliant, complex, beautiful, passionate, obnoxious, silly, dazzling mind met mine the world made sense.” Dana thinks about why she loves Mulder.

Not Mulder (E)-Scully struggles to date while having a partner like Mulder. 

The Starlight (G)-After Scully gives up her son she is alone and in need of help. She gets it from an unexpected source in a way she thought impossible

Sveta (T)-Mulder tries to find out why Scully was so upset to see Sveta at the little house.

Monthly (T)-When Scully leaves she promises that she will be back each month because she can never truly leave Mulder.

The Missed Kiss (T)-Post ‘Sixth Extinction: Part 2’ pre 'Hungry’. Why didn’t Scully kiss Mulder after he confessed his feelings? Also a little bit of a wrap up on The Fowl situation.

On the run series: 

Halloween on the Run (G)- Celebrating Halloween while running from the FBI

Thanksgiving on the Run (G)- Celebrating Thanksgiving on the run.

Christmas on the Run (G)- Celebrating Christmas on the run. 

X Files- Hamilton crossover: 

The Ham Files (G)- Mulder is sick of William’s obsession with Hamilton. 

The West Wing: 

Always on the Table (G)- After Simon’s death Toby comforts CJ. 

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'll just say I've followed you for Drarry but stayed because everything is absolutely marvelous! Favorite drarry blog hands down so I need to ask, because I haven't found almost any, do you know good AU fics? Preferably lengthy ones. Thank you so much love 💖

Thank you so much!! You’re so sweet :) Here are my favorite AUs- I hope you enjoy them!

Sorted into Different Houses

Leo Inter Serpentes (Aeternum, 516k so far, WIP): It’s a retelling of all the books with Slytherin!Harry. It finally does justice to Slytherin House and all my favorite snakes.

Cunning and Ambition (MinaAndChao, 372k; not complete!): Also a retelling of each book with a Slytherin Harry. It’s a lot of fun, but it was abandoned during the sixth one. 

Sacrifices Arc (Lightning on the Wave, over 2 million words): Harry has a twin brother named Connor. Harry’s sorted into Slytherin, and it follows him throughout his years at Hogwarts, but it’s quite a bit darker than the other two series.  

Slytherin Lovers (Hijja, 5k): After losing their Quidditch game, Draco gets to spank Harry.

Chaos Theory (Tessa Crowley, 103k): Draco is a genius Ravenclaw, and he becomes friends with Harry during their first year at Hogwarts.

Re-sorted into Different Houses

Malfoy Flavor (Vorabiza, 195k): Harry finds out he’s Snape’s son, assumes a new identity, and is re-sorted into Slytherin during his sixth year. It’s such a fun, pro Slytherin fic! 

The Owlery and the Slytherin (writcraft, 11k): Kingsley orders Harry to finish up his NEWTs and get re-sorted into Slytherin to try to help eradicate the pervasive anti-Slytherin bias. 

Golden Age (zeitgeistic, 53k): To promote interhouse unity, McGonagall decides that all seventh and eighth year students will be re-sorted into a different house. Harry and Draco both end up in Hufflepuff, and have to work together to solidify the magical wards. Normally, I really don’t like Draco in any house besides Slytherin, and Hufflepuff is the last one I’d put him in, but somehow, this author makes it work. It’s a fantastic, fun, and interesting read.  

Canon Divergent Hogwarts Era Fics

Secrets (Vorabiza, 411k): This diverges from canon after HBP. It starts with Draco coming to Harry for help sheltering his daughter from the Death Eaters, and from there, they embark on a quest to hunt down the horcruxes and stop Voldemort once and for all. It’s my favorite characterization of Harry and Draco’s relationship in any fic. 

Temptation on the Warfront (alizarincrims0n, 180k): At the start of Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s Horcrux hunt, Remus deposits Draco on the steps of Grimmauld Place, stating that Draco has defected. Although the trio is naturally suspicious of him at first, Harry finds himself hopelessly drawn to him, and Draco ends up joining them on their quest. It’s such a gorgeous, emotional fic, and it has one of the best characterizations of Draco I’ve yet to encounter.

Twist of Fate (OakStone730, 312k): Harry and Draco get together during their fourth year at Hogwarts, but keep their relationship a secret. It doesn’t directly contradict canon; every interaction they have in the books still occurs, there’s just another meaning behind everything (for instance, they’ll stage fights to stave off suspicion, and agree that “Scarhead” means “I love you”). They’re so perfect together, and it will tear out your heart before slowly knitting it back together. 

Abraxan Wings (khalulu, 14.5k): After the Sectumsempra incident, Draco loses the use of his legs. Harry comes to speak to him afterwards, and Dumbledore ends up forcing them to room together. They grow close, and Harry urges Draco to switch sides.

Nonmagical AUs

Worlds Apart (QueenyMidas, 30.5k): Harry and Draco’s characters in World of Warcraft meet, and their initial animosity soon gives way to flirting and sexting. They’re both unaware that the boy on the other side of the screen is their high school rival. The characterizations here are amazing, and their banter gives me life. This is exactly how I like to see them!

To Be Where I’m Going (In the Sunshine of your Love) (theweightofmywords, 19k): After attending rival high schools, Harry and Draco end up at the same college and have to be on the swim team together. They slowly become close, and as their friendship deepens, Harry finds himself falling in love with Draco. After graduation, they go on a road trip across the country, and Harry can’t help hoping for more. It’s beautifully written with such soulful, emotional pining.

Synthetic Bonds (mypetelephant, 116k): Draco is a grad student and Harry is Lucius’ protégée at Malfoy Corporation. To become CEO of the company, Harry has to marry Draco; unfortunately, they absolutely hated each other in school, and are thus not sold on the idea. Luckily, they have incredible chemistry to help keep things interesting as they try to get to know each other better.

Mad Blood Stirring (@provocative-envy, 3k): Harry and Draco are professional hockey players on rival teams who have a penchant for sexting each other, fucking in hotels, and eschewing conversation in favor of sulking or exacting revenge

Black Coffee on a Lonely Night (femme, 22k): After Astoria dies, Draco decides to quit his job as a professional Cricket player and take care of Scorpius. He ends up buying a café (mostly to piss off his dad), and meets Harry, a hot politician who makes him unaccountably flustered. 

Interpreting Draconis (Dacro, 11k): Draco’s been put in charge of his family’s company in the wake of his father’s disappearance. He’s Deaf, and Harry’s hired as his interpreter. 

Catfish (QueenyMidas, 47k): Draco and Harry are hosting MTV’s Catfish. Even though they hated each other in high school, they decide to try to get along for the sake of the show.

The Princess Thief (olimakiella, 31k): The mysterious art thief Draco Malfoy tries to rob the Louvre and escapes persecution. Luckily, bounty hunter Potter is on the case. Most of the characters are Muggles here (except for Harry).

Draco’s Boy (empathic siren, 186k): Harry moves next door to Draco when they’re eight years old. It follows them into adolescence, and shows Harry trying to cope with the Dursleys’ abuse and his struggles in starting a relationship with Draco. 

AUs with Different Universes 

Life Is a Twice Written Scroll (lauren3210, 22.5k): While it initially seems like a traditional eighth year fic, it quickly develops into a rich study of choices and the ripple effects they cause. Draco imagines what would have happened if he had done one thing differently, and is shocked to wake up the next day and find himself living in a world where he had made that particular choice. He explores different realities that hinge on his choices, and finds himself drawn to Harry time and time again. It also has a gorgeous companion piece that explores one of the alternate universes in more depth. 

Oscillate Wildly (Marks, 57k): Harry collapses during his sixth year and wakes up in a hospital, surrounded by Muggle doctors and some familiar names and faces. He’s jolted back into his normal world the next morning, but continues to experience breaks, wherein he’s in a Muggle mental institution and is told that he created the world of wizards and magic as part of an elaborate fantasy. Both worlds feel real to him, and he struggles to decide which life is preferable.

Turn (saras_girl, 307k): Although it starts with Harry being married to Ginny and living an epilogue compliant life, he’s jolted out of this when he suddenly wakes up and is married to Draco. He finds that in this new reality, he sought Draco out after Sectumsempra and apologized, thereby setting a different (and happier) course for himself. 


Prompt: Hal and readers wedding anniversary is coming up and they both forgot about it bc superhero business

Requested by: ANON

The alert on your phone wakes you up. Your first day sleeping in in months is effectively

ruined when you glance at the notification on the screen. You’re only partially satisfied to know that you had remembered to turn your alarm off, only to forget about this notification.

    A minute later Hal’s phone goes off. You glance at your husband. He has his head sandwiched between the mattress and a pillow.  You reach over him, pick up the phone, and see the exact same notification. You sigh before twisting and sending both phones under the mattress.


“Unh …”
“We forgot our anniversary.”

Slowly the pillow is pulled off his head, and he turns to look at you, “Again?”

You nod, “We really need to set those notifications for the day before.”  

He nods, “I knew I turned off the alarm.”

He lifts an arm and you snuggle into his side, “That’s the sixth year in a row.”

He kisses the top of your head, “We do fine on birthdays.”

You kiss his chest, “Should we do something?”

“How about sleep? We haven’t done that in a while.”

You nod, “I like that idea.”

“We can do dinner tonight.”

You sigh, and close your eyes, “We have a League meeting tonight.”

“Screw the League. Let’s go to dinner, and then go dancing. It’s been a long time since

we went dancing.”

    “Send all complaints to the idiots trying to take over the world.”

    “Sounds good. We can bum the important parts out of Spooky and John.”

    You smile, before falling back into a deep sleep.

What Turns the Wheel of Life

by Francesca Fremantle

The Buddha described all worldly phenomena as having three characteristics: impermanence, suffering and nonself. We suffer because we imagine what is not self to be self, what is impermanent to be permanent, and what, from an ultimate viewpoint, is pain to be pleasure. Existence with these three characteristics is called samsara, which means we are continually flowing, moving on, from one moment to the next moment, and from one life to the next life. Samsara is not the actual external world or life itself, but the way we interpret them.

Samsara is life as we live it under the influence of ignorance, the subjective world each of us creates for ourselves. This world contains good and evil, joy and pain, but they are relative, not absolute; they can be defined only in relationship to each other and are continually changing into their opposites. Although samsara seems to be all-powerful and all-pervading, it is created by our own state of mind, like the world of a dream, and it can be dissolved into nothingness just like awakening from a dream. When someone awakens to reality, even for a moment, the world does not disappear but is experienced in its true nature: pure, brilliant, sacred and indestructible.

The key to the Buddha’s realisation and teaching is the understanding of causality, because it is only when we know the cause of something that we can truly bring it to an end and prevent it from arising again. In his search for the origin of suffering, he found that he had to go right back to the very beginning, to the very first flicker of individual self-awareness. In his spiritual practice, too, he always went further and further, never satisfied with the states of knowledge, peace and bliss that he attained under the guidance of his teachers. He always wanted to know their cause and to see what lay beyond. In this way, he surpassed his teachers and eventually attained his great awakening.

The Buddha awoke to a state of perfect enlightenment, which he described as deathless, unborn and unchanging. If it were not for that, he said, there could be no escape from birth and death, impermanence and suffering. There is indeed a condition of ultimate peace, bliss, knowledge and freedom, but to reach it, we must first understand the cycle of conditioned existence in which we are imprisoned. Samsara is like a sickness; the Buddha, who was called the Great Physician, offers a cure; but the patient must recognise the illness, with its causes, its symptoms, and its effects, before the cure can begin.

The Buddha discovered the whole causal process of samsara, the complete cycle of the stages of cause and effect. According to tradition, he once described this process in a series of images, so that it could be sent in pictorial form to the king of a neighbouring country who had inquired about his teaching. An artist drew the images according to the Buddha’s instructions, illustrating the whole realm of samsaric existence from which we seek liberation. This picture is known as the wheel of life and is familiar throughout the Buddhist world. It springs from the same tradition of imagery that flowers so dramatically in vajrayana, but goes back to the beginnings of Buddhism.

The outer rim of the wheel of life is divided into twelve sections, each containing a small picture. These represent the twelve links in the chain of cause and effect, known as dependent arising or, as Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche put it, the samsaric chain reaction. The twelve links can be seen as stages in the evolution of the individual human being (or any other living being), but at the same time they can be applied to one’s states of mind, which are continuously arising, developing, and passing away.

We can trace back the causes of suffering to their root by means of the twelve links in this chain. They should all also be understood as taking place within us from moment to moment, so that as we go through this whole series of images, we are also observing the birth, life and death of mental states.


The iconography may vary slightly in different paintings, but somewhere on the rim, generally at the top left, we find a picture of a corpse being carried to the cremation ground: this is called decay and death. It is often translated as old age and death, but since many people die young and do not reach old age, here “age” really refers to the whole process of aging and decay, which actually begins as soon as we are born. All pain, whether it is physical or mental, arises from some aspect of loss, destruction or decay, so this image represents all the sufferings of existence.


The real cause of decay and death is not our physical condition, not illness or accident, but life itself, the simple fact of having been born. Moving counterclockwise around the circle, we come to the second picture, a mother giving birth to a child. Although this link in the chain is known as birth, it does not mean just the event of being born, but the life that has come into being; it encompasses the whole lifetime of that particular embodiment. It can refer to the birth of a living being, or the physical appearance of something in the external world, or it may be interpreted as the arising of a thought or a mood in the mind.


The next picture, illustrating the cause leading to birth, is sometimes of a pregnant woman and sometimes of a man and woman in sexual union. Both these images suggest conception, the beginning of a new life. This link is called existence, life, or becoming — coming into existence. Existence means being in the state of samsara: outwardly subject to birth and death, inwardly under the influence of ignorance and confusion.


Why do states of mind arise? Why do we continuously create our version of the world from moment to moment? Why does a living being enter a womb to be born? When we search for the cause of becoming, we find it in grasping. The word for this link in the chain literally means appropriation or taking to oneself, and it is symbolised by a figure picking fruit from a tree. Grasping is the opposite of giving and letting go. We hold on tight to our opinions, our views of life, and our ideas about ourselves; again and again we grasp at the next thought, the next emotion, the next experience; at the moment of death, we grasp at the next life.


Grasping is based, in turn, on the fundamental instinct of needing, wanting and longing called thirst. It is depicted by a person drinking or being offered a drink. That’s the thirst for existence that makes us cling to life at all costs, and it is also the basic drive to experience pleasure and to be free from pain. Thirst can never be satisfied; even if we drink as much as we can, it will return sooner or later. It is inherent in our sense of self. This thirst, also translated as desire or craving, is often said to be the cause of suffering. It’s not the ultimate cause, but it is the immediate and most obvious cause.


Thirst for experience depends upon the possibility of feeling or sensation, symbolised by a man pierced in the eye by an arrow. This brutal image reminds us sharply that the whole series is intended to express the inescapable suffering of samsara. It is interesting to note that the Sanskrit word for “feeling” can specifically mean pain, as well as sensation in general. This points to the truth that in samsara, from the absolute point of view, all feeling of any kind is essentially painful because it is related to our false idea of self. But in the awakened state, where there is no self-centered attachment or aversion, all feeling is experienced as “great bliss.” Great bliss is not just increased pleasure, but a transcendent experience of sensitivity that can be aroused by means of any sensation whatsoever, not only through pleasure, but also through what we ordinarily think of as pain.


Sensation arises from contact or touch, illustrated by a man and woman embracing. This represents the contact between the senses and their objects. In the tantras, this powerful imagery is transformed into a passionate embrace of love, a magical dance of the awakened mind with the world perceived in its true, sacred nature. But here, while we are still concerned with very basic principles, it simply illustrates what happens whenever there is the experience of duality and a relationship exists between subject and object.


The embrace can only take place because of the existence of the six senses, depicted by a house with six windows. In Indian Buddhist tradition, the mind is considered to be a sense organ that has as its objects all the perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and so on that arise within it. So in addition to the usual five senses of sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell, the mental function is counted as the sixth.


If the six senses exist, there must be a particular living being to whom they belong. The next picture is of a boat filled with passengers, which is called name and form. Name and form together constitute the individual person. Form is the material aspect, the boat of the body, that carries us along the river of life, while name includes all the nonphysical aspects of our being (the passengers could be regarded as the different “personalities” within us). In many parts of the world, a person’s name is considered to have magical significance. When we are given a name, we receive an identity; our name defines who we are. If we think of someone’s name, we automatically remember his or her physical appearance and vice versa. Body cannot be separated from mind; the physical and nonphysical aspects of existence both arise from the same cause, and they reflect each other.


For a person to exist, individual consciousness is necessary. Consciousness functions through the six senses. It is what makes us aware of ourselves and divides the world into subject and object; it gives us the sense of being “I” as opposed to everything else that is not “I.” Consciousness is appropriately pictured as a restless, inquisitive monkey leaping from object to object, never staying still. Sometimes the monkey is shown picking fruit from a tree, and sometimes peering out through the windows of a house – the house of the six senses.


Consciousness is not pure, direct awareness, but is produced and conditioned by the way the mind functions, so the next link in the chain is called conditioning (or formations). It refers to certain characteristic mental forces or patterns that motivate our thoughts, words and deeds. It is here that the law of karma begins to operate. The word karma literally means “action,” but generally when we speak of the law of karma, it refers to both action and its result: the universal law of cause and effect on a personal level. Everything we think, speak and do has an inevitable consequence. The Buddha taught that karma really refers to intentions, not just to actions in the literal sense. Our lives are shaped by our innermost thoughts and deepest motivations, including those on the most subtle and hidden level, which can only be discovered by profound meditation techniques. This link in the chain is symbolised by a potter making pots. In theistic religions, the image of the potter is sometimes used for God the creator, while in Buddhism the force of karma is continually creating the world anew for each living being at every moment.


But why does conditioning arise in the first place? How did the whole process ever start? The Buddha traced the root cause back to ignorance, the mind’s ignorance of its own awakened nature — the final and original link in the chain. This is the farthest back we can go within the circle of samsara; this is where everything begins. Indeed, we can say that this whole cycle really has no beginning and no end, because our very notions of past, present and future are part of samsara. Ignorance is symbolised by an old blind woman, tottering about with the aid of a stick. Trungpa Rinpoche referred to her as a blind grandmother. She has given birth to generations of samsaric existence, endlessly proliferating and reproducing. Ignorance means ignoring the truth of reality, shutting one’s eyes to the awakened state. Although the light of reality is ever-present, ignorance chooses to remain blind. The nature of this blindness is to believe in the existence of a separate, independent self. Trungpa Rinpoche also used to say that ignorance is very intelligent. It is actually the intelligence of samsara, which is fighting a continual battle for survival and constantly looking for ways of keeping up its own illusion, its own self-deception.

Here we have traced each link in the chain backward to its cause, from the suffering of mortal life, culminating in death, all the way back to its ultimate origin, ignorance. The whole series of pictures can also be read in reverse order, from ignorance to death. If we do this, we can clearly see the inevitable development of the twelve stages: ignorance, conditioning, consciousness, name and form, the six senses, contact, sensation, thirst, grasping, existence, birth, and decay and death. The twelve links form an unending circle. At death we fall into a state of ignorance once more, and the cycle starts all over again. Samsara means going on and on, round and round, without beginning or end.

Now we turn to the rest of the wheel of life. Inside the outer rim, occupying the main part of the wheel, are illustrations of the six realms of existence in samsara: the worlds of the gods, jealous gods, human beings, animals, hungry ghosts, and hell-beings. Very often only five divisions are shown, because the gods and the jealous gods are basically the same and can be classified together.

In the outer sense, the realms depict all the possible varieties of sentient life classified into these five or six main groups. They are all conditions of life into which we could be reborn. Except for those of animals and humans, the other realms are invisible to us, but they all coexist with us in an inconceivably vast, multidimensional universe.

In the inner sense, all these realms are found within our own minds. Although we have the form and psychology of human beings, we are continually going through states of mind that correspond to the other realms. In exactly the same way, gods, jealous gods, animals, hungry ghosts and hell-beings all experience the states of mind of the other realms colored by their own dominant states. Also, within each of the six realms, every living being goes through the entire cycle of the twelve links of the samsaric chain reaction.

The human realm is the most balanced and least extreme of the six, so it is easier for us to encompass the full spectrum of conditions within our experience, from the hells to the heavens. Of course, the entire wheel of life is necessarily described from the human point of view; nevertheless all life fundamentally shares the same buddhanature and is conditioned by the same forces arising from ignorance.

In some depictions of the wheel of life, the figure of a Buddha is shown in each realm. In the human realm, this is the human Buddha Shakyamuni, in each of the other realms, he appears in the form of one of its inhabitants. This indicates that the compassion of the awakened nature extends infinitely without obstructions and can manifest in any form in order to communicate with all the different types of existence, even in the extreme suffering of hell.

Moving further in toward the centre of the wheel, the next section is divided into two parts: a light half in which human figures are climbing upward, and a dark half in which they are falling downward, This represents the last stage of the period between death and rebirth, during which the results of our previous actions draw us toward a higher or lower condition. The figures moving up, in the light semicircle, are on their way to taking rebirth as human beings, gods or jealous gods; those moving down, in the dark semicircle, will be reborn among animals or hungry ghosts or in one of the hells.

At the center of the wheel lie the three roots of suffering: passion, aggression and delusion, symbolised by a cock, a snake and a pig, respectively, The Buddha called them the three fires with which the whole of samsara is ablaze. Nirvana is the blowing out of their flames, a blissful state of coolness and peace after the suffering they cause (the translation of nirvana into Tibetan literally means “passed beyond suffering”).

They are also known as the three afflictions, defilements or poisons. They pervade and influence the mechanism of samsaric existence from beginning to end; they keep the whole process of dualistic experience going. They are the three basic reactions that the “I” can have when it perceives something outside itself as “other.” We can be attracted to that other, wishing to possess it, control it, or take it over and make it part of ourselves: this is passion. We can reject it, push it away, or try to destroy it: this is aggression. Or we can ignore it and pretend it does not exist: this is delusion. At heart, all three reactions are attempts to overcome duality by making “I” the only thing that exists in the world, but instead they actually reinforce and perpetuate the split between “I” and “other.”

The entire wheel is held in the clutches of a terrifying figure; this is Yama, the Lord of Death. His name literally means “restraint,” since he is the ultimate restraint on the freedom of all living beings. He does not simply represent death in the ordinary sense, the end of life, but the very principle of mortality, which includes within itself birth and death, rebirth and redeath. Immortality, the birthless and deathless state of nirvana, lies beyond this cycle of the wheel of life.

[TEASER #5 & 6 UPDATED!] SVT 2017 “Alone/Al1″ Project Prime Number Deductions

If you’re interested in the explanations of the prime numbers, click the “Read more”!

[UPDATED with explanation of TEASER #5 (WOOZI) AND TEASER #6 (JUN) as of May 13th, 04:13 KST]

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Imagine owning Barba’s favourite Coffeehouse

(A/N: Sorry for the inactivity. But my back to school exams finished today so with the spare hour I had I wrote this. I hope you enjoy and sorry it’s short. Trying to fit writing in with my new schedule. Will be easier with exams being over for a couple months)

Imagine owning Barba’s favourite Coffeehouse

Three sharp taps ar your locked door caused you to turn around and scrunch your eyebrows at it. The curtain was down and it was late so you were apprehensive when you climbed down the ladder you were standing on and put down the chalk you were writing with. You walked up and moved the curtain on the door slightly to see a man standing outside.

You recognized him immediately and sighed in relief due to the reassurance of it being someone you knew over a stranger. With a clash of your keys, the door was quickly opened and then consequently quickly shut as soon as he got inside as it was so cold and wet for that matter.

It was 11pm after all.

“Mr. Barba, what are you doing here?” You inquired.

“I know it’s late…” He began.

“It’s good that you know that,” You interrupted, “I was worried that you were stress induced haze and thought it was the morning.

“But I really need a coffee,” He finished, shaking his coat slightly because of the rain.

You studied his intense and somewhat desperate expression and conceded but not before conducting something very much in his ball park, an interrogation.

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Dog Days

Kate’s Cards Against Humanity Challenge
Prompt: Kid tested, mother approved

Steve x fem!reader. Plus! Your daughter, your sister, Bucky, and some fur babies.

Summary: You went to the animal shelter to buy a dog for your daughter.. and ended up leaving with something for yourself too.

Warnings: everything’s fine, I promise

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Weeeellllll here’s another thing I wrote. Challenge courtesy of @emilyevanston so check out her Masterlist because it’s great! :D

You hadn’t even shifted the car into park when you heard the sound of a seatbelt release behind you. When you met the eyes of your six-year-old daughter through the rear-view mirror, the girl stilled immediately, seat belt still clinched tightly in her hand. The look of oops and amusement plastered on her little face kept you from getting upset, and you shook your head in response.

“Can’t get mad at her,” your younger sister said from beside you. “All rules go out the window when it comes to dogs.”

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The first chakra is the Earth chakra, located at the base of the spine. It deals with survival, and is blocked by fear.
What are you most afraid of? Let your fears become clear to you. You are concerned about your survival, but you must surrender those fears. Let your fears flow down the creek.

Next is the Water chakra. This chakra deals with pleasure and is blocked by guilt.
Look at all the guilt that burdens you so. What do you blame yourself for? Now accept the reality that these things happened. But do not let them cloud and poison your energy. If you are to be a positive influence on the world, you need to forgive yourself.

Third is the Fire chakra, located in the stomach. This chakra deals with willpower, and is blocked by shame.
What are you ashamed of? What are your biggest disappointments in yourself? You will never find balance if you deny this part of your life.

The fourth chakra is located in the Heart. It deals with love and is blocked by grief.
Lay all your grief out in front of you. Love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. A love of your lost ones has not left this world, it is still inside of your heart; and it is reborn in a form of new love. Let it flow through you.

The fifth in the chain is the Sound chakra, located in the throat. It deals with the truth, and is blocked by lies, the ones we tell ourselves.
You can not lie about your own nature. You must accept yourself as you are.

The sixth pool of energy is the Light chakra, located in the center of the forehead. It deals with insight, and is blocked by illusion.
The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people, but we live as if divided. We are all connected, and everything is connected. Even the separation of the four elements is an illusion. If you open your mind, you will see that all the elements are one; four parts of the same whole. Even metal is just a part of earth that has been purified and refined.

The final chakra is the Thought chakra. It is located at the crown of the head. It deals with pure cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachment.
Once you open this chakra, you will be able to go in the state of mind where you will have complete control and awareness of all of your actions. Meditate on what attaches you to this world… Now, let all of those attachments go. Let them flow down the river; forgotten. You must learn to let go, otherwise you won’t be able to let the pure cosmic energy flow into you from the Universe.

Bee Kind

Sherlock was deep in his mind palace pouring over old case notes when the tickle on his face finally pierced his concentration. With an annoyed huff he started to pull his mind back to his transport and the sunny flat it was laying in. He was already rising a hand to scratch at his nose when he opened his eyes. Blinking in the bright light it took a second for him to focus on the source of his irritation. He froze in panic when he was confronted with a pair of solid black eyes and huge, menacing mandibles only centimeters from his eyes.

“Aargh! John, help! I have a bee on me!”

For a second only silence greeted him and he worried that while he was thinking John had gone out for a pint or work or one of the one asinine things that took John away from him. He was relieved when a he glimpsed a bit of movement out of the corner of his eye.

John’s response was less comforting, with a long suffering sigh he asked, “Yeah? So what?”

“It is going to sting me!”

“Drama queen, it is not. That is a honey bee, they almost never sting.” John said, but Sherlock could see that he was standing up now and there was the rustling of a newspaper being folded.

“Whatever, just kill it!” he shot back, squeezing his eyes shut in preparation for blow landing.

Instead he felt something come to rest against his upper lip. His eyes flew open in time to be treated to a close up view of John’s strong hand gently shooing the bee off his nose and into the cone of rolled newspaper he held in the other.

“John!” he said with more than a little bit of whine in his voice.

“Hush. It was never going to hurt you, and honey bees do too much good to just go killing them. They pollinate one-sixth of all flowers and a lot of our food crops.” John lectured as he cupped one hand over the open end of the paper and walked towards the open window. “His little guy is part of a species that is in danger of becoming extinct and leaving us a less colorful and more hungry world.”

He held the makeshift trap out the window, shaking it until the bee flew off. Sherlock saw sadness beneath John’s smile as he watched the little insect disappear into the noise and bustle of London.

“Oh! Someone in your childhood kept bees, probably your grandfather, and you used to help them.” Sherlock deduced.

“Half right, it was my uncle. Harry and I use to go out and spend a couple of weeks every summer with him and his ‘good friend.'” The way he said it left little doubt as to what sort of friend he meant. “As dad got worse and especially after Harry came out the time I spent there was the happiest parts of my childhood. It was just before I got shot that my uncle passed, I missed his funeral…”

He shook himself out of the memory, and tried on a smile, “And yeah, I helped him with his bees and he taught me a lot. Like a honey bee will always be drawn to the most beautiful, interesting flower it can find.” During this little speech John had walked back over to where Sherlock was sprawled on the couch. He leaned over and kissed Sherlock’s cheek, and said, “And he didn’t hurt you, did he, Flower?”

Sherlock wanted to roll his eyes and say someone snide about the nickname, but looking into those kind blue eyes all he could do was love John, love him so much it hurt.

Thirty years later, as Sherlock slid the last frame back into the honey supers box, one curious bee braved the smoker he had set next to him and alighted on the tip of his nose. He smiled, recalling that long ago conversation, and left his tiny passenger alone as he stood on creaking knees to place the supers box back on top of the hive and put the cover back on. Only then did he wave the bee off his face and back towards its reassembled home.

Satisfied that the bees were coming along fine he gathered up his tools and headed back towards the little cottage, hoping that John would be there ready with a kiss and maybe a cup of tea.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little.
—  Six Degrees Of Separation, The Script
Hockey Camp - Auston Matthews (The Epilogue: Part B)

Auston Matthews x Reader

Word Count: 2946

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Wow. I can’t believe it’s over. Thank you all so much!

 [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17] [Part 18] [Part 19] [Part 20] [Epilogue: A]


It’s been a week. One week and your whole world has been turned upside down, all because of three words.

For the first two days, Auston gives you space. On the third day, flowers arrive at your door, attached with a note in his handwriting that reads: I’m sorry. (You blame Mitch for giving him your address). The next day, it’s a box of your favourite donuts and a cute fluffy bear wearing your Furies’ jersey. The day after, a brand-new hockey stick and pucks with the words, FORGIVE ME initialed in silver sharpie. On the sixth day, he sends you what looks to be a homemade cake, with “I’m a dick” written messily on top in white frosting. That one makes you laugh.

Today, you haven’t received anything yet. You’ve just headed through the doors of the MasterCard centre, on your way to practice, when you spot him from across the hallway.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you swear under your breath, trying to walk quickly down the hall without him noticing. How had you forgotten the Leafs were practicing today?

“Y/N!” you hear him shout.

You’ve been spotted. You start running, apologizing as you weave in and out of people, trying your best not to knock them over with your hockey bag.

“Y/N - wait up!”

“Go away Auston!” you shout over your shoulder. A couple of people take notice of your exchange and start laughing.

You break into a sprint, throwing open the door to your rink and barrelling down the hallway. However, you forget how fast Auston is. He catches onto the back strap of your bag before you can make it to your dressing room. He pulls so hard you actually fall over, landing on top of your bag hard enough that it knocks the wind out of you.

“Seriously Auston?” you wheeze, glaring at him. You pick yourself off the bag and wince as you prod at your side, which had pressed up against a sharp object when you fell (presumably your skate).

“I’m so sorry - I was just trying to get you to stop. I didn’t mean to make you fall over.”

“Did you consider that I didn’t want to stop because I don’t want to talk to you?” When he doesn’t say anything, your roll your eyes, picking your bag up off the ground. “Guess that one didn’t cross your mind. Typical.”

“Y/N! Can you just give me a chance to explain myself?”

“I gave you a chance, and all you gave me was bullshit,” you say, referring to his admission that he loves you.

He looks you dead in the eye. “I meant what I said.”

You give him an incredulous look and start to turn away.

“Wait! Wait a minute, okay? Can we just…go somewhere to talk. Please? Just give me an hour to properly explain everything.”

You sigh. “Fine. Half an hour, tops.”


“Yes. But you have to stop sending me things.”

“But I-”

“No more gifts,” you say firmly. “And please, if you see Mitch, tell him I’m not happy that he’s giving out my address to people, and that I will expose him on Instagram. I’ve found some rather embarrassing photos from his middle school days that his followers might be interested in.”

Auston laughs. “Alright, I’ll pass the message along.”

You give him a half-hearted smile and begin to walk away.

“Wait!” he calls after you. “Where do you want to go to talk?”

“Surprise me.”

It’s later on that day. Auston has texted you from Mitch’s phone where he wants you to meet him. (You may have blocked Auston’s number one day when you were very angry.)

Steph agrees to drive you down there in the case that things go wrong and you need to get away quickly. She said her and Mitch were planning to go to a pizza place near the area anyways, and didn’t mind going in separate cars.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” you ask Steph on the ride there. Lights from the Toronto streets flash by as you make your way out of the downtown core.

“I don’t know; do you still love him?”

You turn to her, surprised. “I never-”





“Really?” Steph gives you a look. “Don’t try to play dumb. Just admit it - you loved him. You still love him, for god’s sake.”

“I’m not sure I do,” you say, looking down at your hands in your lap.

“Can I tell you something, straight up?”

“Of course.”

“I think you’re lying to yourself to try and protect yourself from getting hurt again.”

“What do you mean?” you ask, even though you’re starting to understand what Steph is telling you.

“He hurt you - that much is obvious. And you’re scared of getting hurt again, so you’re avoiding confronting your feelings for him because of the chance he might reject you a second time.”

“Damn it. When did you become so wise?”

“What are you talking about, ‘when’?” You raise an eyebrow at her. “Okay, fine. I may have made a lot of mistakes in the past.” You keep looking at her. “And you may have had to get me out of a situation more than once.”

“Thank-you for finally giving me the recognition I deserve.”

Steph rolls her eyes. “Whatever, Y/N. But honestly, I think being with Mitch has helped me grow as a person. I feel more mature, and like I can handle emotional drama a lot better.”

You reach over and squeeze her hand. “I’m glad.”

“Trust me, so am I. Looking back, I can’t believe I wasted so much unnecessary energy over guys who didn’t care. But I’ve talked at length with Mitch about your situation, and Auston really does care about you. He’s realized over the past couple months that he fucked up - big time. So at this point, I think it’s up to you if you want to give him another chance.”

You nod, taking it all in. “Thanks, Steph.”

“No problem.” She smiles at you warmly, and a pang of sadness hits you. You’ll miss having her around when she leaves for Brampton in two days.

Several minutes later, Steph pulls into a dark driveway and stops. She reaches into the back seat and pulls out a blindfold from a bag you hadn’t realized was there.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She rolls her eyes. “Relax, it’s part of the surprise. Auston requested that you wear the blindfold,” she explains. “He must be into some kinky shit.”


“Sorry, sorry.” She laughs. “I’m kidding. Just put it on.” She tosses you the fabric and you slide it over your head.

“Alright, what’s next?” you ask.

“Hold on a sec, just let me text Auston and let him know we’re here.”

“Did you guys set-up this entire thing behind my back?”


You huff. “Of course you did.”

“I think you’re going to like what he’s set-up. Mitch wasn’t happy when I complained that he never does anything like this for me.”

“What, tell him to meet you at strange places at night and ask you to wear a blindfold? Trust me, it’s not that great.”

Steph laughs. “Alright, I’m gonna help you out and then we’re going to walk to where Auston is.” You hear the car door open and shut, and then she opens your door. “Hold my hand.”

You take her hand and then begin to walk forward blindly, gravel crunching under your feet. “If I die, I hope you know I’m holding you fully responsible.”

“Y/N, you’re going to be fine.” You keep walking for another minute, and then Steph stops you. “Alright, we’re here.”

“Can I take the blindfold off?”

“Not yet.” She tugs you forward, and you know you’re inside a building when you hear the thud of a door closing behind you. It’s cold inside, and you feel your skin prickle with goosebumps. Steph leads you through another door and then stops you again.

“Take a seat.” Steph helps you sit down onto what you think is a bench. You hear her rustling through a bag.

“You don’t happen to have a sweater in that bag, do you?”

“No, sorry. But I do have these!”

“I can’t see.”

“Oh, right. I’ve got to take your shoes off.”

“What the hell is Auston planning?”

“You’ll see in a second.” You bend down and help her take off your shoes, and she slides on your skates.

“How’d you get my skates?”

“I have my ways.”

Steph quickly laces up both your skates. When she finishes, she reaches up to your head and pulls off the blindfold. You blink, adjusting your eyes as you look around. You’re in an unfamiliar hockey dressing room.

“What now?”

“I’ve been told I’m supposed to leave you here, and that whenever you’re ready, you can head out to the ice. You all good?”

“Yup,” you say, nodding. You feel nervous all of a sudden, but you’re not going to let it get to you.

Steph rushes forward and pulls you in for a quick hug. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll have my phone on full volume. Mitch and I are just five minutes away.”

“Thanks Steph, you’re the best.”

She smiles. “Have fun.”

“I’ll try.”

She turns and walks out of the room, leaving you alone.

You take a deep breath, and walk over to the mirror near the bathroom. You rearrange your hair, trying to pat down the frizzy parts that have stuck up from the blindfold. Once you’re convinced you look half-decent, you turn and head out of the dressing room.

The sight before you leaves you breathless.

The entire rink is lit up from tea lights and candles placed in little clusters in the stands. Their warm glow reflects off the ice and bathes everything in a beautiful golden light. Auston stands at centre ice, his hands shoved in his pockets.

You walk over to the open door and step onto the ice, slowly skating over to him.

“Hey,” he says, smiling nervously at you.

“Hi,” you respond, and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear shyly.

“So, um…I figured we could talk here, since the ice is like your second home. I just wanted you to feel comfortable and stuff.”

“Thank-you, I really appreciate that.” You gesture around at the candles. “Everything’s so beautiful. It must’ve taken you forever to put it together.”

Auston flushes. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Uh-huh,” you say, unconvinced. “How many hours?”

“Only two. I made Mitch help me, so it’s not a big deal.”

“Well, still. I appreciate the effort.” You smile up at him. He reaches out, like he’s going to touch your cheek, but then draws his hand back quickly.

“So um…should we skate?”

“Uh…yes, let’s.”

You both begin skating beside each other, gliding easily across the unmarked ice. You do an entire lap before Auston speaks. “So, you must be wondering why I left like that.”

“Amongst a thousand other things,” you murmur.

“I don’t know how to describe it other than it being a coward. I took the easy way out.” He pauses to take a deep, trembling breath. “Once I figured out I was in love with you, I panicked. You had become so important to me in such a short time. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so strongly about a person other than you, and that terrified me. I couldn’t imagine losing you, so I decided that it would be best just to cut ties off then and there.”

You give him a confused look.

“I know, that doesn’t make any sense, but my thinking was that I didn’t want you to leave - I didn’t want to deal with that pain - so I had to be the one to cut ties first. If I had stayed with you and then left for Zurich, and we were in a long distance relationship, I feared you would have gotten bored, or met someone else like Will; someone who was closer and could love you better than I could an ocean away. I wanted to make you happy, but I knew you’d only be miserable if I was so far from you.” He looks at you, an ashamed look on his face.

“You know what your biggest mistake in all of this was, Auston?”


“That you thought you knew what was best for me.” You look at him straight-on, your stare unwavering. “I wouldn’t have been miserable, or gotten bored, or met someone else, because all day, the only thing that runs through my mind is you,” you tell him honestly. “Did you know that Will kissed me the other week?”

He clenches his fists, anger immediately clouding his expression. “I knew it,” he growls. “That fucking Swedish pr-”

“No - stop. Before you get all mad at Will, I stopped it almost as soon as it started. Because, even though Will has supported me through absolutely everything after you left - the breakdowns, the tears, the fits of anger and rage - I couldn’t bring myself to commit to someone else, because…” you say, your eyes shining. “Because I’m stupidly in love with you, Auston Matthews.”

He looks at you, his eyes unreadable. Your heart rate spikes as he stops skating. You stop in front of him, not breaking eye contact.

“You love me?”

“Why the fuck else would I still be here?” you say, throwing your hands up, exasperated. A tear rolls down your cheek.

“No - please don’t cry.” He skates forward a little bit and cups your face in his hands very gently. His thumb brushes away the wetness on your cheek and you shiver under his touch.

“It’s not the first time I’ve cried over you, you know.”

He squeezes his eyes shut in pain. “I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice cracking. “I am so sorry. I can’t believe I put you through that much pain. I truly thought you would be happier without me…”

“That’s also another mistake. Nobody makes me more happy, and nobody makes me more sad than you.”

Auston opens his eyes, which are now glistening with tears. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“I know,” you say softly. “And that’s why I’m choosing to forgive you.”

“You forgive me?”

You nod. A smile breaks across his face, and ever so slowly, he bends down and kisses you.

The moment your lips touch, tingles shoot through your entire body. You inhale sharply, your hand coming up to cup the back of his head, pulling him closer to you. His hands travel down from your face to your back, your waist, and then your hips, his hands warm against your skin. He deepens the kiss, spinning you around on the ice.

When you finally pull away, both of you are breathless. Auston’s eyes are shining, and you can see the flickering of the candles reflected in his brown irises. You stroke his cheek fondly. “I missed that.”

“Me too,” he whispers, and tugs your hand down so he can press his lips to the back of it. “I love you,” he mumbles against your skin.

“I love you too.” You’re surprised by how naturally the words leave your lips.

He smiles and kisses your hand again before bringing it down to your side. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that.”

“I love you,” you say again, and laugh.

He tugs you forward, and the two of you begin skating again, stopping only momentarily to steal kisses. Once the two of you start to get cold, you head off the ice and untie your skates on one of the spectator benches.

“Let’s go blow out all these candles,” Auston says, taking your hand. Once you finish cleaning up everything, both of you take a second to rest in the stands.

You sit down beside him, leaning into his side. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. “I thought I was going to lose you today, for ever.”


“I thought you wouldn’t forgive me and that there was no point in even trying. I almost backed out at the last second, but Mitch convinced me to follow through with it. And I’m glad he did.”

“I’m glad he did too,” you say, taking his other hand from his lap and squeezing it. “And I’m happy that I decided to forgive you. On the ride here, I wasn’t sure that it was even a good idea to go, but Steph told me I should.”

“I guess we were both a little scared then.”

You nod. “We were scared, but yet we both ended up here in the end. I think that says something.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I’m not a big believer in fate, but I think the universe is trying to tell us that we belong together.”

You roll your eyes. “I can’t believe I’m dating such a cheesy fuck, oh my god.”

He raises an eyebrow. “So we’re dating again?”

“I’d like to try again, if you want to as well. Take things slow, and see where that leads us.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” he says happily, squeezing your hand.

You smile at him and then lean in close, kissing him very softly. He kisses you back, his thumb brushing against your cheek. When you pull apart, you drop your head onto his shoulder and stay like that just to breathe for a moment.

Things weren’t perfect, but as long as Auston was by your side, you knew you would be happy.

Personal Yuri on Ice Fic Rec List

Hi, I jumped into this fandom five days ago, and I already have more than 5x that number of fics to recommend. These should all be SFW, except the last two titles. This is Part One. Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, and Part Seven are elsewhere.

1. Unwritten
Whatever you write on your own skin appears on your soulmate, but when there is a language barrier, meeting becomes just a little more difficult than it should be.

2. Hold Me Tight
Katsuki Yuuri is not a tactile man. Anyone who’s spent a minute with him can tell you that much. Victor, however— to say that Victor is touchy-feely is the understatement of the century. So when Victor just stops touching Yuuri, without explanation, without reason, it makes for a painfully jarring experience.

3. Everyone Knows
Yuri Plisetsky is not stupid. He knows. Everyone knows.

4. A Painting of a Sorrow
Victor finds something worth leaving St. Petersburg for.

5. Potential
Victor, who’d been staring at the ceiling through his boozy haze, spoke slowly. “Hey, Yuri. What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A champion figure skater,” Yuri snapped, like it was so obvious he was offended to be asked. Victor had to grin at the bluster. “Yeah, but… After that?” Yuri didn’t seem to have an answer for that, but eventually he said, less belligerently, “I don’t know. I’m only fifteen.” Me neither, Victor didn’t say, and I’m twenty-six.

6. Blossom and Bloom
When they touch, Yuuri can feel the way that Victor’s mind is moving a million miles per hour.

7. Red Herring
Victor Nikiforov is on top of the world. He’s starving.

8. Dear Mama
In which Victor writes letters to his mother, who is fifty percent of his rationality and self-control.

9. Expomise
Expomise: a transformation spell that bonds two objects together. Yuuri is at Hogwarts. So is everyone else.

10. On My Love
For the second time, the Sochi Grand Prix Finals arrive, and with it a reborn Yuuri Katsuki. “Viktor,” Yuuri thinks over the pounding of his heart, the crowd going silent as the music begins. “I’ll show the world what you meant to me.” Yuuri often thinks of his life as Before and After Viktor Nikiforov, the marking point being the day Viktor swept into his life and turned his world upside-down. After many years together, an accident leads to Yuuri suddenly waking up in the Before — back in Detroit, before the GPF, before he ever knew Viktor as anything other than his childhood idol. As if it had all been just a dream.

11. On Our Love
Everything was so easy and real with Yuuri. Even with the lingering tension and the unspoken inevitability of separation, they somehow managed to fall back into something close to a routine, effortless conversation, easy jabs and quiet smiles and something he wanted to hold on to for the rest of his life. Home.

12. Hot in Here
“Yuuuuuri,” Victor drawls, leaning his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. “It’s hot,” he complains. He’s already down to his t-shirt.Yuuri huffs a little, reluctantly amused. “Maybe you would feel cooler if you didn’t drape yourself all over me.”

13. Those Tell-all Skype Sessions
Phichit isn’t surprised at all when Victor leaps into Yuuri’s arms and gives him a kiss in front of the whole world. He’s just surprised it took this long.

14. Addicted (to the taste of you)
It’s mortifying. Of course it’s mortifying. But even with his hands restless by his sides and his stomach buzzing with butterflies and adrenaline and nerves, Yuuri finds that he oddly doesn’t mind the attention. Or rather, Yuuri can’t bring himself to care, for once. He’s exhausted to the bone from his performance, eyes slow and limbs heavy from running on little to no sleep for more than 24 hours now, not to mention kind of emotionally drained from his mental breakdown earlier. If anything, Yuuri kind of wants Victor to kiss him again. Preferably right now. At once. Immediately. (It’s turning into a problem.)

15.  lԄun along my trail
Instead of ending up in last place, Yuuri wins the Grand Prix Finals.

16. with a boy like that it’s serious
“I’m dating Viktor,” Yuuri says, nervous despite himself. “Seriously?” Yurio demands. “I thought the two of you were already married.”

17. and I feel life (for the very first time)
“What do you have in mind for the next season?” A reporter asks him during the press conference and Victor shoots them a smile, trying to buy himself some time. I don’t know, he wants to say. To be honest, after winning gold once more, Victor feels lost more than anything. What does one do after finally fulfilling a longtime promise?

18. with the strength of your devotion
It’s like they don’t even know Viktor, and truly, they don’t.

19. the greatest survival
Training in Russia, training in Japan. It takes a lot to get to the top.

20. the air is heavy with the fragrance of gardenias
It was odd, really, how Viktor Nikiforov had suddenly stopped flirting with his fans. Everyone - his supporters, the media, his former coach - was shocked by the drastic change. Everyone, that is, except for a certain Katsuki Yuuri.

21. one heart to every falling thing
“You know,” Victor comments idly, and he breathes out in a rush of static in Yuri’s ear. “I think this is the longest we’ve been apart since I first flew here.”

22. a glide in your step
Ah, Yuuri thinks as his skates touch down on the ice, and even as Yuuko watches him it’s the weight of Viktor’s eyes he feels on his shoulder blades, I’m not ready to let this go.

23. i’m just such a happy mess
The thing is, Victor’s never been very good at denying himself luxuries. And now that Victor has permission to kiss Yuri, he can’t seem to stop. And well, to be honest Yuri doesn’t really want him to. But it is a little inconvenient sometimes.

24. get up again
When Yuuri was drafted by the Detroit Red Wings, it was a dream come true. Years of practice, of hard work, of talking to scouts and agents, of posting his own highlights on Youtube — it all paid off. Sure, he went in the seventh round, surrounded by players who were probably never going to make the show, but Pavel Datsyuk went in the sixth and look at his career. Yuuri was going to make it. He moved all the way across the world for this, competed internationally for this, bled and cried for this. He was going to make it to the NHL. Yuuri didn’t make it.

25. the warmest part of winter
The wedding is in early February, right after Yuri comes home to Yuuri and Victor’s crumbling farmhouse in upstate New York from the European Championships with a gold medal around his neck. They’ve been in the process of restoring the dilapidated barn out back and turning it into a fully functional dance studio, and the fire marshall has finally approved it for occupation without fear of the whole thing coming down all at once and crushing a half dozen elite figure skaters to death at any given moment. Which is perfect, considering they’ve been planning on holding the reception in the barn, and finding a last minute venue would be a goddamn nightmare, especially since Victor has obsessively planned the entire event down to the last detail for the past six months.

26. i know my madness
It’s hardly a secret that Victor Nikiforov is a massive player.

I left kudos for so many stories on AO3 this week, but I think I forgot to bookmark a few of them. This list still has the potential to be longer.