a pudding would be real nice right about now

Starters: Things I Have Said While Playing Video Games
  • “I will shove your throat down your throat.”
  • “Oh. Oh, you have just called up the devil. You will tremble before me, and beg for mercy, and I’ll laugh in your stupid face because FUCK YOU.”
  • “Oh, suck my left nut.”
  • “I will fucking end you. I will end you so hard that your ancestors will feel shame and your family will weep upon your grave.”
  • “NO, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?”
  • “I mean, he is only avenging his dead brother. You can’t really begrudge him that.”
  • “Are you fucking sweating on me?”
    “Oh. Veeeeery clever, you massive cockmuffin.”
  • “Everything is pain and I regret going down this path!”
  • “STOP BRINGING DRUGS THROUGH CUSTOMS.”
  • “Oh, great, more naked people.”
  • “I’m sorry for invalidating your gender identity!”
  • “What?! That was my fucking money! Fuck you, secret police.”
  • “I hate living in a communist country.”
  • “NO, I DON’T WANT TO JOIN YOUR SECRET CLUB.”
  • “Okay. So. We had to kill your uncle to make life easier for all of us.”
  • “I show up, and everything’s on fucking fire. For the love of God, how? And why?”
  • “Oh joy. More tedious drudgery.”
  • “If I were a lesser man, I’d be shitting myself right now.”
  • “He might actually be gayer than me. Unlikely, but possible.”
  • “Sigmund Freud would have a goddamn FIELD day with this.”
  • “Nice try, sugartits.”
  • “I appreciate you inviting me to your strip club.”
  • “This was supposed to be a stupid joke. How did it get so real?”
  • “Do not fuck the doctor! What is wrong with you?”
  • “OH MY GOD THAT IS NOT HOW LOVE WORKS”
  • “I want to be the spiritual embodiment of pudding.”
  • “Nothing inspires a murderous rage in me more than comic sans.”
  • “Okay, I’m sorry I killed everyone you love, but can’t we talk about this?”
  • “I wish my legs were as fabulous as yours.”
  • “Oh, you think I won’t arrest you because we’re friends? Is that what you fucking think? Well you’re fucking RIGHT.”
  • “I just stabbed a bitch to death with a pair of scissors. God, I love Tuesdays.”
  • “Part of me wants to fuck you. The other part wants to laugh at you for looking like a My Chemical Romance reject.”
  • “Oh, fuck you for trying to teach me a lesson about morals.”
  • “Literally nobody asked your opinion.”
  • “Fuck you, you’re not my mom.”
  • “I want to slather you with bees.”
  • “I’ve never been so aroused and terrified in my life.”
  • “Here’s an idea: go to church.”
  • “Something about you just looks evil.”
  • “Finally! I’ve turned you gay!”
  • “Fuck me up, anthropomorphic Daddy.”
  • “I’m starting to come to the conclusion that you’re kind of a dick.”
  • “Eat one MILLION dicks.”