a photo gifted me

BPD feels. A day in the life...

08:00 hyper. Today WILL be a good day!
08:04 pissed off about something from yesterday afternoon.
08:12 pissed off at myself for getting so angry.
08:15 self sabotage.
08:21 raaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. (Queue self isolation)
08:28 anxiety kicks in…
08:31 he’s going to leave me. My friends don’t want me anymore….
08:35 panic.
08:37 self soothing. Rereading thru old texts, finding photos or gifts given to me to try and ground myself and remind myself that people do care.
10:30 hyper mood. Really happy. Random bursts of affection to everyone.
10:37 impulses kick in. Let’s get a piercing, make plans, spend money…
11:05 finally get a reply from babe. Ecstatic mood.
11:15 do I reply something sweet or do I not reply and make them all worry?
11:23 push them all away.
11:29 self sabotage.
11:37 splitting. Black and white thinking game strong. Split internally. Split on the world. Split, split, split.
11:50 reply to babe. Calmly. Explain the mood swings and reassure him it’s not his fault.
11:58 guilt, shame, why am I like this?!

And you wonder why I’m constantly tired.
Just to clarify… if I’m angry, I will isolate myself. I do not enjoy hurting people. I am aware enough to know when I’m not in control of my symptoms.

I have a very supportive network of people who understand that I’m not always… all there?

I am getting help and support with this. I know I need help. This is literally just a couple of hours on an average day.

sophiabushThis beautiful place. This sweet human. This lovely day. #SoulSistersInParis

•   •    •

ruthielindsey: I can’t believe I get to do life beside this beautiful human….right now it just happens to be in Paris!!!! WHAT IS LIFE?!?!?! 😭❤️🙏🏼😍@sophiabush makes me want to be so much better! I literally could not be more grateful!!!! Thank you thank you thank you God-Jesus-universe-Santa for gifting me with this precious human!!!
Photo by the best, and most amazing tour guide and pal, @mary_quincy


officialraulcastillo: Look what came in the mail!! Thanks to @firstthirdbooks and our producer Sarah Condon for this beautiful tribute to our show. Looking through these photos and reading these stories reminds me of all the great gifts this show has given me, namely all the kind and generous fans that watched us over the two seasons and on the @lookinghbo film. Thanks to all who follow me on here, for your encouraging words and messages. I feel truly lucky to get to do what I do. #lookinghbo #firstthirdbooks #teamrichie

What a great surprise to start the week ! :D @cherelladevil/ @cherelleholmes made this poscard for me and it’s simply beautiful ! I am so happy, thank you for this gift ! :D

Art by @cherelladevil

photo by me, Shin Red Dear

#Decembird: birblr gift special no.2!

Pineapple, Grandpa Birb and Rainbow Chicken (also known as Macha, Pepper and Mango respectively) of @pepperandpals​!

{Photo references belong to the original blog - no profit is being made; these are merely gifts for some awesome people and birds! However if anyone is uncomfortable with me posting sketch copies of their photos, then please let me know!}