a pair & a spare

ok this my list of hoe tips and life tips in general

- can’t get ur pussy smooth?? always prickly?? shave diagonally and horizontally instead of up and down, and always use a new blade

- can’t get ur pussy soft?? shave with hair conditioner and massage it in for like 30 seconds before. after u shave, massage with baby oil, and lotion after a shower

- EXFOLIATE. exfoliating is the key to life. mix used coffee grounds with a moisturizing oil (olive or coconut is best). rub that shit all over your legs before you shave until ur hands start to feel funny

- dry feet?? bih me too. rub a fuck ton of regular lotion (or foot cream if u fancy, even Vaseline works) all over your feet and put double socks (or fuzzy socks) on before bed. yass

- this one is the most basic but pls drink water. it’ll clear ur skin, flush out your kidneys to prevent bladder infections, and ur pussy gonna be wet asf

- salt, fat, caffeine, dairy, etc. r gonna make u taste all funky down there. fruits, veggies, and anything w high water content is gonna make u taste fresh/sweet

- smoking and drinking also gonna make u taste funky. and smoking is especially bad for u, so put out the cig babe

- using soap on ur pussy gonna fuck up ur pH bad. the vagina is a self cleaning device, and all u need is a really soft washcloth (or even a cotton shirt) and some water, let ur body do ur thing

- if ur used to wearing tampons and that’s what u find comfortable, use a menstrual cup! very sanitary and will save u a TON of money in the long run

- want a natural lip plumper?? mix a lil bit of cinnamon and honey, and gently rub it into your lips w a soft toothbrush n leave it on for a min. slather on some chapstick n ur plump n soft

- BUY A VIBRATOR. please do it. it will save ur fucking life

- cotton panties or no panties sis. ur kitty needs to breathe and cotton/no panties will prevent bacterial and fungal infection

- got hair on ur face? got rough skin? GURL SHAVE IT! wash your face as normal and pat dry, gently run a clean razor over any areas (cheeks, chin, neck). tone and moisturize like a motherfucker. smooth!

- pubic hair is healthy and good and keeps ur vag clean! don’t shave it unless YOU want to, don’t leave that decision up to ur nasty man

- allow urself junk in moderation. it’ll make making healthy choices easier if u allow urself a little treat every once in a while

- a simple equation for a good meal: vegetable + grain/carb, protein

- do ur fucking homework and do it on time

- rubbing a little bit of petroleum jelly on ur pressure points before spraying perfume will make it last longer

- hair holds onto scents v easily. wanna smell like a goddess????,,, spritz that hair

- kat von d everlasting liquid lipstick is blowjob proof. get messy n be on point!

- urban decay all nighter setting spray is gonna save ur life. it’ll keep ur shit in place when u getting dicked, if u cryin, chokin on dick, w/e u like to do

- if ur having trouble getting wet even after sufficient foreplay, a little bit of water based lube does WONDERS. also won’t deteriorate condoms (oil) or get gritty (silicone)

- need to stretch out ur shoes?? fill two ziploc bags with water and put them in ur shoes. put shoes in the freezer until water freezes solid, and dethaw with a hairdryer. especially effective on leather!

- having problems deepthroating? make sure ur throat is in line with ur mouth, if it’s not the dick won’t go down

- can’t deepthroat at all? cover ur teeth with ur top lip and press ur tongue to the roof of ur mouth while he thrusts. 10/10!

- communication w ur partner during sex will make it a trillion million times more satisfying

- frizzy hair? put conditioner on the tips of your hair (nape of the neck and down) and shampoo right on ur scalp. volumizes without frizzing!

- this one kinda weird but don’t hold ur pee unless u wanna mean bladder infection/UTI

- pee after u masturbate please. u never know what can shimmy up ur urethra, even when ur playin w the little man in the sailboat

- keep a pair of spare glasses with u for when ur contacts dry out. lifesaver

- always keep extra undies, an extra shirt, makeup remover, moisturizer, and comfy shoes in ur car/bag if u can fit all of it

- apply dry shampoo the night before ur gonna need it. it’ll soak up the oil before it sits on ur hair. reapply in the morning n style accordingly

- apple cider vinegar mixed with water works as a good toner if u ain’t got no moneyyyy

- castor oil on ur brows and lashes every night will make them thicker and longer. even just one day will help (bc they will be shiny and moisturized)

ill probs add onto this when i think of more!

holt sibling reunion

pidge, tearfully: oh my gosh, matt!

matt: katie? is that you?!

(they hug)

matt, pulling back: oh man, you’ve changed so much! you’ve… really changed………. wait a minute.

pidge: (suddenly excruciatingly aware of her matt cosplay) uhhhhh. i can explain?

matt: katie………….. you look so GOOD, i love the new style!

Back to school tips🌹

Alright y'all, with school season comin back, here are some prime hoe tips to get y'all ready to slay.

🌹1. Develop a skincare regimen at least once daily: wash, exfoliate*, mask*, toner, essential oils, moisturize.
*once weekly, to avoid overshocking your skin.
🌙2.Tea tree oil is bomb for acne and acne scars. Apply that shit.

🌹 Coconut oil and castor oil for brow/lash growth every night.

🌙Go through your closet, and toss clothes you don’t wear. Invest in more neutral colors and fits to configure a wider variety of cute ass outfits.

🌹 Don’t be afraid to thrift shop; places like TJ Maxx and The Goodwill have bomb ass brands for cheap.

🌙 Get your books/supplies ready a week before. Prepare yourself.

🌹 Have all of your test dates/assignment due dates in your phone before classes start. Make sure to request off days of work the nights before major assignments and exams if you can help it.

🌙 Things to keep in a bag in your locker: pads/tampons, an extra pair of panties, a spare change of clothes & shoes(in case of a wardrobe malfunction), hairbrush and hairtie, nail file & clippers, makeup remover wipes, concealer, masacara, gum, water bottle, extra pens, some spare cash, phone charger, and earbuds.

🌹 Keep a water bottle in ya bag at all times. A hoes gotta be hydrated.

🌙 Keep up with ya studies

🌹 A week before school starts, develop getting sleep schedule for school by going to bed half an hour earlier every night. This’ll make waking up earlier less of a hell, trust me.

🌙Have a go-to makeup look for school that takes 30 mins or less as a default, if you beat your face in the morning.

🌹 Replace coffee with tea for a more healthy caffeine fix before class.

🌙 Prepare yourself a decent breakfast before you go to bed, so you can easily grab and go in the morning. Breakfast kickstarts your metabolism and decreases cravings throughout the day, and generally boosts your mood and brain power.

🌹If you wear a uniform, make sure that shit is comfortable and actually fits you. Make sure nothing hangs off of you, cuts off circulation, itches, irritates, etc.

🌙Need a break from studying? Work out. Burn some calories, clear your mind, and stimulate your brain with some exercise. Swear to god this keeps my grades up and my body lookin fly.

🌹Invest in a hair mask (any pharmacy or makeup outlet will have them), or make one yourself. They make your hair super soft and shiny for flipping it when you walk past that group of girls who hate you lol

Thats all I can think of for now beauties, get good grades, I believe in all of y'all✨🌹

💞Back To School Glow Up💞

Alright y'all, with school season comin back, here are some prime hoe tips to get y'all ready to slay.

1. Develop a skincare regimen at least once daily: wash, exfoliate*, mask*, toner, essential oils, moisturize.

*once weekly, to avoid overshocking your skin.

2. Tea tree oil is bomb for acne and acne scars. Apply that shit.

3. Coconut oil and castor oil for brow/lash growth every night.

4. Go through your closet, and toss clothes you don’t wear. Invest in more neutral colors and fits to configure a wider variety of cute ass outfits.

5. Don’t be afraid to thrift shop; places like TJ Maxx and The Goodwill have bomb ass brands for cheap.

6. Get your books/supplies ready a week before. Prepare yourself.

7. Have all of your test dates/assignment due dates in your phone before classes start. Make sure to request off days of work the nights before major assignments and exams if you can help it.

8. Things to keep in a bag in your locker: pads/tampons, an extra pair of panties, a spare change of clothes & shoes(in case of a wardrobe malfunction), hairbrush and hairtie, nail file & clippers, makeup remover wipes, concealer, masacara, gum, water bottle, extra pens, some spare cash, phone charger, and earbuds.

9. Keep a water bottle in ya bag at all times. A hoes gotta be hydrated.

10. Keep up with ya studies (see my School and Studying Tips post for more details on how to boost that GPA)

11. A week before school starts, develop getting sleep schedule for school by going to bed half an hour earlier every night. This’ll make waking up earlier less of a hell, trust me.

12. Have a go-to makeup look for school that takes 30 mins or less as a default, if you beat your face in the morning.

13. Replace coffee with tea for a more healthy caffeine fix before class.

14. Prepare yourself a decent breakfast before you go to bed, so you can easily grab and go in the morning. Breakfast kickstarts your metabolism and decreases cravings throughout the day, and generally boosts your mood and brain power.

15. If you wear a uniform, make sure that shit is comfortable and actually fits you. Make sure nothing hangs off of you, cuts off circulation, itches, irritates, etc.

16. Need a break from studying? Work out. Burn some calories, clear your mind, and stimulate your brain with some exercise. Swear to god this keeps my grades up and my body lookin fly.

17. Invest in a hair mask (any pharmacy or makeup outlet will have them), or make one yourself. They make your hair super soft and shiny for flipping it when you walk past that group of girls who hate you lol

Thats all I can think of for now hoes, get good grades, I believe in all of y'all✨
2

I actually stayed up last night thinking about the bros weapons in that solarpunk/steampunk verse and came to the conclusion that I desperately want to keep the hammers. so yeah. hammers.

the way marios hammer is designed he can light it on fire anytime. luigis is actually pretty tricky bc electricity isnt as straightforward as fire, but I imagine it can jumpstart any kind of machine that runs on electricity bc nintendo logic

their secondary weapons would be something they use along with their hammers. marios is a pick (chisel) and luigis is a pair of pliers. 

yes I am invested in this why do you ask

8

He woke tho

PSA about women walking alone at night

Hey, everyone! I was walking home late last night and I just felt like I needed to say some stuff. Yes, it is inspired by true events.

Dudes, let me give you some advice on how to interact with women walking alone late at night. This advice is intended to help you make them feel comfortable and safe from…yeah, you. And also for you to avoid getting your dick kicked into your chest cavity. My females, I’m putting out some tips that I learned from my daddy (who was a cop) that have helped make me feel safer while walking home. (Obviously subject to editing if people have some reliable source they’d like to share that contradicts what I’ve said. It’s about being safe, after all).

My dudes…

If you see a woman walking alone late at night, don’t walk behind her. If you’re going the same way as her, try crossing to the other side of the street, or making it really clear you are not paying any attention to her. If she looks back at you, politely say that you are keeping your distance and wish her a good night. If she stops to let you walk by her, it’s not an insult. It’s for her safety, because she has been trained not to trust men late at night. She is protecting her six, and if you’re a decent guy, you will let her. Don’t ask a woman you see walking late at night for a cigarette, a dollar, or to use her phone. Don’t say shit to her unless it’s to tell her to have a good night and be safe. If you see a woman being harassed, loudly offer to call the police, or just go ahead and do so. Don’t offer to walk her home, because that’s a familiar line and will put her instantly on the defensive. Instead, ask her if you can call her a taxi or contact a friend. If a woman gives you a dirty look when she’s walking home at 2 AM, please don’t call her a bitch. She’s protecting herself, and if you think she has that right, then just take it with an understanding nod, instead of acting like a fucking baby. If you’re a professional driver, don’t follow beside her slowly, like you’re casing her. If she needs a cab, she will make that obvious. If you’re a bouncer, and she is leaving your protection, give her advice on the safest ways to walk. If a woman asks for your help, and you consent to giving it to her, please be respectful of boundaries and make it clear you are not helping her for any reason other than to make sure she is safe.

Women…

Firstly, I know how fucking obnoxious it is to have to tailor your entire life to the sexual urges of predators. I know you just want to say “Screw this” sometimes and go out for a walk because why should you have to stay cooped up? I also know that sometimes, you can’t help it. Sometimes your ride ditches you and you don’t have cab fare. i am not going to lecture you, because you know what you’re doing.

So maybe instead I can give you some things you maybe haven’t thought of before.

1) Take off your high heels. If that grosses you out and you don’t want to carry spare shoes, carry a pair of socks in your purse (or your bra. Come on, they make great hoists) and wear them over your bare feet. I’ve seen those little rubber shoe things too, that look like flats…those are dope.

2) Avoid dark places. Even if it means you have to walk a little out of the way. You need to be able to see everything around your for at least a hundred feet, because a man can clear 100 feet at a dead run, very quickly.

3) Always look around, constantly. Predators want an easy mark, and if you’re paying attention, you cannot be an easy mark.

4) Pass by as many ATM’s as possible and look directly at them. They have continual activity on their cameras, so if you are snatched, the police can document your movements.

5) Only carry cards. If the place you’re going only takes cash, then have a specific amount and no more than that. The idea is to minimize incentives to rob you. If a man approaches you to rob you, and you have nothing to give him, he will likely leave at once, because he is usually nervous and doesn’t want to be identified, so be prepared to empty that bag out on the road and show him you have no valuables.

6) Should you have a weapon? Only if you know how to use them and are willing to do so, otherwise they end up being taken from you and used on you. Long range weapons like pepper spray are better.

7) Don’t talk on your cellphone in the standard way. I know you think that it’s a good idea, but the fact is, it distracts you and holding it can block your line of sight. A man can grab you and smash it and no one can track you. Instead, put it on speaker, tuck it in a pocket, and give constant location updates, if you feel threatened. Or prearrange a text appointment with someone who can call authorities if you don’t reply.

8) No music. Do not be that girl, walking in the dark, with her phone on a loud song to take her mind off the scariness of it. Music draws attention to you and distracts you. It can also mask noises of a confrontation.

9) If a man walks behind you, you have two options. You can put your back to a wall and allow him to pass by you, or you can cross the street. If he follows, find a public place immediately. If this isn’t possible, the fact is, he’s a threat. If it were me, I’d look him right in the eye and make sure he can see that I’m willing to kill. Don’t ignore a threat, and ladies, walking alone at 2 am means every man is a potential threat. Run, if you feel threatened. Who the fuck cares if he isn’t “actually a bad guy” or thinks it’s weird? Just ask yourself, “What if he is a bad guy?”

10) Be willing to drop everything in your hands. If there’s something you don’t want to leave in the street, shove it in your bra or your pocket.

11) There’s a lot of debate about how to deal with an attacker if it does happen. Some say to do what you’re told, and some say to fight like hell. I can’t make that decision for you, but you have to be aware, and try and understand the attacker. Ask questions. If you think they aren’t listening…it’s up to you. Personally, a guy better not try to put his dick in my mouth, because I will bite it the fuck off and see what happens, but thats me. Don’t go with him. If he has a weapon, then he is willing to kill you. So make the choice. If you go with him, you stand a much higher risk of never coming back, because in solitude, with no threat of discovery, he can do whatever he wants. If he wants you to leave where you are, it means that place is safer, so stay in that place.

12) Do learn self defense. If a man can hit you once, he can win. Learn how not to get hit. Learn how to get out of suppression holds. Learn what to do if grabbed from behind.

13) Minimize physical risk. Take off all jewelry, Ponytails are just convenient handles. (I had a friend get grabbed from behind by her ponytail and lifted off the ground, with a knife to her throat. She couldn’t get free because he had all her hair in one hand. Hair is VERY strong. So take your hair down, because if he can only get a handful, you can usually tear free, but if he has all of it, you can’t go anywhere.) Same with loose clothing or clothes with strings. Keys are weapons, rings are weapons. High heeled shoes can kill a man.

14) The cops will not be angry with you if you call them because you feel threatened, and it turns out nothing is wrong. They just won’t. In fact, I can think of at least ten famous cases where a woman called the cops because she was being followed and it turned out the guy was like some horrible rapist or murderer they finally caught.

15) You have the right to defend yourself. Better to be alive and dealing with assault charges than dead in a gutter.

One time I flipped a jogger upside down because he came up behind me really fast while I was walking home from work at midnight. He laid on his back looking up at me like “WTF DID I DO” and I just said to him, “Hey man, I am really sorry, but you scared the shit outta me.” And helped him up. 

And you know what? He was totally cool about it. Said he completely understood and asked me what martial art that was. I told him it was Aikido and then offered to pay his cleaning or medical later if he needed it. He shook his head and goes, “No, ma’am, we’re good.” and jogged on. 

I’m not telling you that so that you kick every man you see at night in the balls. Men have to walk home at night sometimes, same as us. I’m telling you that because women have been taught they have no right to be fierce. And they absolutely do. It’s better to defend yourself first and ask questions later, to run first and feel silly later, to strip down or button up first and let loose later.

Be safe. Women, be smart. And dudes…don’t take this personally. If you agree that women should be equals, then treat them with respect.

9

min yoonji moodboard 🍷

Singapore Sling

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Rating: NC-17

Character count: 35,696 / Word Count: 6,521

Your duties as maid of honour were fairly simple: maximise alcohol and minimise stress, keep an eye on the bride-to-be, and above all else, have things under control. You’ve promised yourself to keep this wedding a fuckup-free zone, anticipating smooth sailing from the moment you land in Antigua. When danger emerges on the horizon in the form of a denim-clad devil dressed in Gucci and gold, things take a turn—nothing in the MOH handbook has prepared you for what to do in the event that you unwittingly sleep with the best man.

Keep reading

Richie, having his glasses knocked off his face and losing a lense: My lense, I can’t find it!

Eddie, handing him a spare pair of glasses: Here you go.

Stan: Why do you carry a pair of glasses for Richie?

Eddie: We made a pact in the third grade that I would always carry a pair of glasses for Richie incase of an emergency and he’d carry a spare inhaler for me. Hey, Richie?

Richie having a flashback to using Eddie’s spare inhaler as a vape: Yeah, totally, carry it all the time.

It’s not ‘the Beach’, here. 

Sure, there are coastal towns with the word ‘Beach’ in the name. 

But people here do not go ‘to the beach’. 

‘Beaches’ are were you go to sunbathe, play volleyball, swim in the moderately-to-very pleasant temperature water. They are warmish, inviting, a place where you can wear sandals and a swimsuit, maybe have an ice cream cone or flirt with a lifeguard. You might be concerned about sunburns, stingrays, sharks, or stepping on coral. You might worry about looking fat in your swimsuit, or being ‘too pale’. 

We go ‘to the coast’. 

We go to the ragged edge of the continent, where the Pacific ocean (the name seems laughably ill-fitting, even deceptive at this latitude) meets the Ring of Fire. Where the water hovers around 50 F year round, where rip tides, sneaker waves, driftwood, hypothermia, and powerful storms sometimes kill. We know that our section of the Pacific coast is known as the ‘Graveyard of the Pacific’. 

We know, when you visit the coast, that you pack your rain coat, a hat, your warm clothing, in layers. Spare shoes, when the first pair inevitably get soggy and full of sand. A towel or two– but not because you plan on sunbathing. We know that the inevitable rain drops are fat, plenty, and sting like rocks when they hit you. We know that they come at you sideways, driven by the howling coastal wind. We know that umbrellas are laughably useless.

We have waded out into those waves, pants rolled up to our knees. We have waded back out a few minutes later, unable to feel our feet. It’s almost a rite of passage. We do not swim at the coast. Not without a wet suit and a buddy system. 

We keep one eye on the tsunami escape routes, just in case we lost the cosmic lotto system and were on the sand in time for ‘the Big One’. 

We love our rugged sea mounts. Our sea lions, giant octopus, killer whales, tide pools, and massive fir trees inhabiting our coastal old-growth forests. We love the whales that pass through in winter. We love the soaring cliffs, the fresh seafood, the raw salt air, the spectacular sunsets. We love to hole up in a hotel room or restaurant with a view, warming ourselves with coffee or clam chowder, and watch the waves thunder upon the shore, and the wind bends the trees into tortured shapes. We treasure the rare days when the sun is shining, there’s no wind, and the temperature is warm enough for t-shirts.

We love that we can point due west and say ‘The closest land mass in that direction… is Japan.’

We love our beautiful, inhospitable coast. We just don’t trust it. 

It’s not ‘the Beach’. 

The Jealous Boss;

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

Summary: Being Jennie Kim’s assistant had its pros and cons. the biggest con being that she’s the jealous type  

Disclaimer: All the things that are mentioned in this are words of fiction aka it’s not real. I’ve literally just made this up and as always credits to @dazzlingkai for the gif

Member: Jennie from Blackpink x female reader

Rating: Mature

Words: 3910

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Shiro and short! Reader oneshot, please?

Yes oh my gosh-

I think I kind of strayed away from the short!reader thing but this turned out cute-

Originally posted by relatablepicsofvoltron

You hummed softly to the music playing from the speaker, organizing one of your many drawers. It wasn’t fast, and it helped you focus as you worked.

You were a healer, and helped with minor injuries the paladins had after fights. You had insisted that they didn’t use the healing chambers every time they got hurt, as it would use power and was unnecessary for anything that wasn’t very serious.

“(Y/N), you’re in here,” you heard someone sigh, before they wrapped you in a hug from behind and buried their face in your neck.

“Shiro? Why are you awake?” Your voice was hushed as you stood, carefully turning to face him. Even though there was at least half a foot of a height difference between you two, you went onto your tip-toes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Shiro replied quietly, and you grabbed his hand before leading him back to his room. “Can you…”

“Yes,” you answered, knowing exactly what he was going to ask. You heard a quiet ‘thank you’, causing you to nod and smile. Ever since you joined, you had noticed that the black paladin had odd sleeping patterns. “You seem to be having these dreams more often, is something wrong?”

“As I regain memories from my time as a prisoner, more things surface that I really would rather not remember,” he explained, although something made you skeptical. He didn’t sound as nervous as he used to. Shaking it off as just him getting used to coming to you for help with sleeping, you silently slipped into his room.

“I’ll be right back,” you said, letting go of his hand and grabbing a spare pair of pajamas and slipping into the bathroom. When you came back in, he was already under the blankets waiting for you.

“Comfy?” He shrugged, and you set your clothes on a shelf before sliding into bed next to him. His arms almost immediately wrapped around you, pulling you close to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, making you smile.

“You thank me every time. You don’t have to,” you replied, your voice hushed as you reached up to run your hand lazily through his hair. “Just get some sleep, okay?”

“Promise to stay with me tonight?” he asked, causing you to nod.

“I promise. Now sleep, Shiro. You need to rest.” It took a little while, but he eventually did fall asleep. You stretched slightly in his arms, placing a kiss on the scar across his nose more snuggling into his chest. “Love you…”

Richie is really big on showing affection towards Eddie. He loves kissing his temple and holding his hand and having Eddie sit in his lap so he can wrap his arms around him. He loves telling Eddie how cute he is or how much he likes his outfit or his cute little nose or his eyes. He’ll kiss the back of Eddie’s neck or rest his chin on Eddie’s shoulder or head. Eddie was a little nervous about it at first but now he eats it up. He loves all the attention.

Eddie shows his affection in more subtle ways. He’ll run his hands through Richie’s hair whe he’s perched on the boys lap, he’ll adjust his shirt or shirt collar, he’ll play with Richie’s fingers when they hold hands, he’ll carry things like a spare pair of glasses for Richie or a bag of skittles (Richie’s favorite candy) in case his boyfriend ever craves them or is sad and needs something to cheer him up. Mostly Eddie just likes to be close to Richie, most commonly in his lap or nestled into his side with Richie’s arm around him.

They show their love for each other in different ways but they both adore each other equally.

TAZ Nanowrimo: 11/07

Taako loves his magic boy very much. Angus can never, ever know this.

Except, that is, when he needs to hear it. 


General rule of thumb: Taako despises crowds. Fuckin’ hates ‘em. They’re good and dandy when he’s lifted above, spotlight trained on his face and all eyes pinned to his, soaking up every flirtatious wink and every uproarious joke. But being in the middle of them and pressed against all these people shuffling to get on the train, stuffed tight with hundreds of bodies like blades of grass curled and crinkled together in a fist - ugh. No. Hard pass from Taako. Every accidental nudge from passerby and cheerful whoops, excuse me! makes him want to curl into his own jacket and fuckin’ expire. 

The smoke thick and heavy in the air doesn’t help either. Taako’s got one end of his shawl pinned around his mouth, sweeping from his shoulder up to where he’s pinned the delicate fabric against his ear with the feather earring Kravitz gave him. The shawl doesn’t filter much of the smoke, but by Istus it’s something, and Taako will take whatever he can get.

A few years after the Day of Story and Song, Merle doesn’t bother affecting disinterest - he’s failed enough wisdom saves under the influence of his own Zone of Truth that pretending to dislike Angus is an endeavor doomed to fail from the start. He doesn’t ruffle Angus’s hair, because splinters, but he does give the boy a hearty pat on the shoulder and a piece of fatherly advice that makes Angus’s face contort into a truly spectacular combination of hilarity and revulsion.

Behind them, Magnus hefts the last of Angus’s luggage onto the train. It’s an easy task for the hulk of a man, since Angus doesn’t take much on trips. (A bad habit left over from childhood, Taako guesses, though Angus is taking more with him to school now than the stuff he took with him to the Bureau. Which doesn’t say much, ‘cause Ango arrived on the moon with, like, a couple pairs of clothes, an iron, some books, a spare pair of lenses. Now he’s got an entire suitcase stuffed with trinkets and good-luck gifts and three folders full of letters from his family that’s he’s carefully preserved over the years, and gods damn it, Taako is proud of him.)

Taako watches in vague amusement as Magnus unzips Angus’s bags surreptitiously, shuffling Angus off toward Taako while Merle slips yet another bag of sweets into his luggage for Angus to find later. Gods, he loves these idiots, he really does, but they’re dumb as a bag of fuckin’ rocks. Who do they think they’re fooling - the world’s greatest detective? Who’s he supposed to suspect is dropping scones in his bag, the fuckin’ Candlenights bunny?

“Well, this is about it, sir,” says Angus. One of the other kids’ bags falls and takes Merle down with a sound whack. Merle curses it out as Magnus replaces it hastily, looking fervently around himself. 

“Sure is, D’jango,” Taako says without straightening from his post lounging against a nearby column, because his wisdom modifier is enough at level fuckin’ sixteen that he can save against Zones of Truth, thanks very much. “You excited?”

“Very much so!” Angus says. He adjusts his spectacles a little nervously.

Magnus and Merle have scooted away from the luggage compartment, which is now more or less in shambles.  Merle’s patting Magnus’s shoulder as he wipes a tear from his scarred face. Overly sentimental shithouse.

Keep reading

Touched.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: A soulmate AU in which you are “branded” with a mark that signifies the first time your soulmate will touch you. In this, the reader fears meeting their soulmate, but is beyond pleasantly surprised.

Warnings: There might be swears, the reader is bullied, there are mentioned of abuse. Please don’t read this if that makes you uncomfortable ily

Word Count: 1575

A/N: Hey y’all! College takes up sO MUCH fucking time you guys. Doing sorority recruitment and getting ready for bid day and trying to learn how to be an electrical engineer is so fhjdskfhsadlf,,,,, But yo! I started this before going off to uni, and I love this AU so,,,, hope you love this

Everyone would always talk about the handshake soulmates.

They had it so easy. The scars across their hands were in gentle curves. The moment they met their soulmate, the scar would burn as they shook hands for the first time. They fell in love so easily and so perfectly with one another. In some cases, they would trade “I love you”s at that first moment instead of their names. Everyone would always cry at handshake soulmates’ weddings because the moment they met was always so perfect. When handshake soulmates are born, mothers almost always cry tears of joy at the wonderful future their children had ahead of them.

Your mother cried when you were born, too, but it was for a different reason entirely.

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croatoanmary  asked:

Soooo how about that Remus and Lily as Hogwarts teachers HC please!!

I mean can’t you imagine the wonderfulness of it? Remus is the DADA teacher and Lily teaches potion!

  • tea dates with Minerva every Wednesday because it’s their common free spot, and they can all gush about everyone together like 
  • “Urggh I hate Draco’s handwriting, it makes me feel like I’m reading the Queen’s personal poetry.” or “Severus has sent his resume again for your post Lily, and yes I’ve ignored it again don’t worry.”
  • Remus and Lily spending their evenings in each other’s office, papers to mark spread on the floor and bottles of wine ornating the desks, chuckling together about their husbands’ last bout of stupidity.
  • all the students coming to them for friendship advices bc they’re goals. Seriously they have all learned about how they met in First Year and stayed bff for ever and ever, and how they were each other’s maids at their weddings and how Remus is godfather of Lily’s daughter etc
  • AND OMG, when Harry gets to Hogwarts!
  • “Harry can you tell your mother that I won’t be able to attend diner this evening? Why not, you have class with her this afternoon! Anyways, about that Boggart…”
  • Remus walking at the Gryffindor table at lunch, tapping Harry’s shoulder and barely whispering “Hey I think your mother stole my reading glasses again, do you still have my spare pair on you?”
  • Lily calling ‘Harry Pie’ in the beginning of First Year before realising that he was embarrassed, so she had to stop because of all the glares he would throw at her. 
  • both listening to the school gossips during Quidditch matches and that’s how they learned that Harry had been seen snogging the hell out of Cedric the other day
  • which was perfectly fine but they still kept their mouths shut about it, not even telling James or Sirius bc otherwise they would have been insufferable
  • ALSO!
  • Albus and Minerva both fondly taking care of Remus and Lily because they are proud af of their kiddos. Just always being sure that their classrooms are warm during winter and that no one fucks with them, mostly because people are still being dickheads because of Remus’ lycanthropy
  • “I can’t believe they are in their thirties already Alb?” - “I know dear, I know. Can you remember how tiny litty they were? Merlin they grow so fast…”
  • Lily and Remus organizing events for the ghosts like “Meeting with the Students: How to be Nice and Welcoming Tips”
  • and since I’m a sucker for Remus with a cane, sometimes he has really bad days and he can’t really leave his classroom because his leg hurts too much, so Lily comes and keeps him company
  • then she mixes his favorite tea with potions to ease the pain, because he’s too stubborn to take it on his own. 
  • she teaches her newt potions class how to brew wolfsbane potion so they always have a ready supply

ETC ETC VOILA thanks for reading, if you need more you know where to find it.