a nice picture of my feet today

Beatiful Mistake

nope. nope. nope. dear god please no…
not you. not that one. jesus christ is that a yeti?
Yamaguchi sighed and threw his phone down in despair.  His freckled face smushed deep into his pillow. why was it so hard to find someone nice to settle down with?
As a vet, his free time was limited and when yachi suggested tinder, he had rightly scoffed. but as the months had passed and the nights got longer. he’d decided to give a chance. what a freaking mistake.
BEEP!
yamaguchi reached for his phone, only to find it wasn’t where he’d thrown it. fantastic, he thought, as he reached down the gap between the bed and the wall…
BEEP!
‘yes yes i hear you!’
it wasn’t in the gap.
BEEP!
eventually yamaguchi gave up reaching, and crawled beneath his bed to retrieve the beeping phone.
TINDER: INBOX(1) 

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Seventeen As Classic Stereotypes

S.Coups: White dads who wear crocs, tell dad jokes, and can’t dance // “Hey, Coups Hyung, I’m hungry.” Hi, Hungry, I’m Coups! Hahah, you fell for it again Chan.”

Jeonghan: Soccer mom who drive their kids in a minivan, participate in the bake sale, and has a bob cut // “At least I’m not like that fake bitch Barbara who brought store bought cookies to the bakesale. We all know your secret, Barbara.

Joshua: Pretty college boy who plays his guitar under the tree in between classes and drinks frappuccinos // “Music is a beautiful thing, and I don’t know why everyone has wars. Why can’t there just be peace for everyone while we all sing together?” “Shut up, Joshua, you’re high.

Jun: That one fuckboy who texts you every night trying to be sexy; it never plays out for him // “What are you doing?” “Watching Kpop MVs.” “Hahah, what would you do if I was there?” “…continue to watch these Kpop MVs.

Hoshi: That super crazy, hyper, annoying friend who just won’t calm down boi chill // “HAHAH HEY GUYS DARE ME TO DRINK THIS ENTIRE BOTTLE OF HOT SAUCE??” “..no.” “OKAY HAHAH” *drinks the bottle of hot sauce* *has to go to the emergency room*

Wonwoo: Your emo friend who looks intimidating and doesn’t say anything, has a Tumblr blog titled Welcome To My Twisted Mind; probably singing the Barney theme song in his head // *while taking a picture* “Everyone say cheese!” “Death.” 

Woozi: The smartest kid in your class who isn’t friends with anyone and looks angry 80% of the time, probably practices voodoo in his spare time // “Aw, you’re so cute! And smart! You’re, like, the total package!” “Do you want to die today?

DK: That one person who is happy ALL THE TIME oh my god why are you so happy?? Is super nice to everyone and is always smiling // “What would you do if we went into WWIII?” “Save all the puppies and kitties!

Mingyu: Your clumsy friend who is always tripping over his own feet and falling down the stairs. Somehow manages to not die of embarrassment yet // “Hey, Gyu, can you hold my books for me while I tie my shoes, please?” “Yeah, sure!” *drops your book and falls down the stairs in the time span of 0.2 seconds*

THE8: Super scary gang kid who wears muscle tees and chains; always hanging out with the fuckboy who gets him in trouble 90% of the time // “Minghao, do you think you can -” “No.” “…what?” “My name isn’t Minghao. Call me THE8.” “...right.

Seungkwan: The annoying vice principle’s son who thinks he can do whatever he wants; back talks the teachers and reenacts scenes from Mean Girls // “Hansol… if you’re from Korea, then why do you look American?” “Oh, my God, Seungkwan, you can’t just ask people why they’re American!

Vernon: Shy b-boy that tries to act bad with the gang kid but actually sleeps with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle blankets and trades Pokemon cards with third graders // “Y-Yeah! I can be bad!” *sweats nervously*

Dino: Your little brother who always tries to hang out with the older kids and be cool like them // “I’m cool now, Y/N! I inject three marijuanuas after I brush my teeth each day!

Ishida live tweets his day with Kurotsuchi and Szayel...who have promised to be "nice"


As requested by squadron-of-damned. :)


–ever since the Quincy War ended, Soul Society has really been trying to repair things with us remaining Quincy

#not easy after all the murder


–Hats off to them for that


–But as much as I’m behind the shinigami extending an olive branch…….I am NOT pleased about this


–I AM NOT INTERESTED IN “REPAIRING THINGS” WITH KUROTSUCHI AND SZAYEL

#ALSO WHY THE HELL IS SZAYEL STILL ALIVE


–AND NO IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT THEY’VE “PROMISED” TO BE “NICE”

#THEY DON’T KNOW THE MEANING OF “NICE”  #OR OF “PROMISE”


–THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WORST DAY EVER


–I show up at the meeting place. Kurotsuchi has painted his face blue with a white cross to be “supportive.”

#time to leave the meeting place


–Leaving the meeting place fails b/c Szayel has boobytrapped all of the exits to show that he’s “in for the long haul”

#he might have mentioned that *before* I spring the trap


–I just spent an hour scraping goo from szayel’s trap off of myself

#szayel said that in order to be nice he only made it *mildly* poisonous  #I SWEAR TO QUINCY THESE PEOPLE


–okay let’s try this again. kurotsuchi has an offensive face and szayel apparently set traps everywhere but i can do this

#i am a Quincy!  #and also the exits are blocked!


–oh look they both brought me presents to show their good will

#if I stop tweeting after this  #assume I am dead 


–Szayel made me cookies that are shaped like my organs

#which he knows well  #because he crushed them between his fingers once  #that is a direct quote  


–These cookies look suspiciously like actual organs

#and I know that Szayel eats his fracciones  #does he cook with them too??  #I am so not eating these


–if anyone asks, I am on a cookie-less diet

#or possibly I am fasting  #depending on what else happens today


–Kurotsuchi got me a new ear


–Wait that last text did not accurately convey the horror


–Kurotsuchi got me a *near ear*. There are attachments. The attachments are clearly designed to go INSIDE MY SKULL


–OH MY GOD HE JUST OFFERED TO INSTALL IT FOR ME


–I HAVE NEVER SAID “NO” SO HARD IN MY LIFE


–Szayel has suggested that we play a “friendly game.”

#chills  #all down my spine  #if I stop texting suddenly  #send help


–wait jenga? Jenga isn’t so bad

#i expected much worse


–WAIT A SECOND ARE THESE JENGA PIECES MADE OF BONE


–THEY’RE SLIMY


–I THINK THE SLIME IS POISONOUS MY HANDS ARE BURNING


–I JUST SAID I DON’T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE AND THEY’RE BOTH GIVING ME *SAD* LOOKS

#WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENINGS


–okay there is only one way to salvage this. I am going to decide what we do next

#no more presents from them  #no more games suggested by them  #no more anything that has touched their hands really


–Needlepoint. With separate patterns. Sitting apart from each other. Using my non-poisonous supplies

#once again  #it pays to be prepared  #always carry sewing supplies kids


–they’ve both offered to make needlepoint for me to show their niceness

#but why


–three can play at this game. I am going to make TWO needlepoints, one for each of them!


–Kurotsuchi’s is a picture of Urahara. And Szayel’s is a picture of Kurotsuchi

#they will hate them  #victory belongs to the Quincy today!


–Szayel’s needlepoint is a picture of me bleeding at his feet, to “commemorate our time together”

#it is frighteningly well done  #i hate him


–Kurotsuchi’s just says “Not the last Quincy”

#white thread on blue  #words in a cross


–He says it’s so I don’t feel alone


–I guess I was wrong. These two do know what it means to be nice


–AND THEY ARE DELIBERATELY CHOOSING TO DO THE OPPOSITE

Random Out Of Context Quotes from College

“You look like the sort of man who has duct tape.”

“Look me in the eyes. Look me in the windows to my soul. Look me in my soul holes.”

“Could you get a spoon and scrape this dough off my hands?”

“I can’t make decisions in Walmart!”

“I have pancakes and I have laziness. That’s the perfect combination, honestly.”

“Would you really trust your penis to something from a Russian piracy website?”

“You don’t just sit around the toaster with one waffle in it like it’s a ritual sacrifice.”

“Can I take pictures of your feet? It’s not for a fetish, I swear…“

“So your number one object to Bob and Larry smut fic is that they are brothers…and not that they are vegetables…”

“This donkey is gonna be a pain in the ass to draw.”

“Today we’ll be in Lust Land.”

“I think collapsing would be nice.”

“Soothe the chicken. Caress the chicken. Whisper sweet nothings to the chicken.”

“I’m going to murder that helicopter.”

“I don’t want Rapunzel boob hair! This is not a life problem I signed up for!”

“And this is why I have an image on my computer called whore.jpeg.”

“Why would the ding lie? The ding is good and pure.”

“Pixar have many secret. Thirteen secret.”

“The only way to make it look like you haven’t moved the lights is to move the lights.”

“I’m fully loaded. I mean–gun! I mean–this!” *waves nerf gun around*

“I know an indeterminate number of people named Josh.”

“I don’t know if this has rhythm, but it has cabbage.”

“Does this mean all horses are atheists?”

“I wanted to take the marinara by surprise. And it worked.”

“You cannot copyright the coast of Maine!”

"I just want you to know that the key to a happy life is crumbled feta cheese.”

“Stop lusting after my eggs.”

You are here! - a Matt Espinosa imagine

This one is really long! hope you like it!

*Ding!* My phone went off. It was from Cameron.

“We have got to do something here! He is a mess!” Underneath the text there was a picture of Matt, cuddling with a teddy bear which I gave to him.

You and Matt met at magcon about a year ago and had been friends ever since, but three months ago we became more that that. He was now currently at magcon doing what he loves. I was really happy for him, but at the same time I was kinda sad, I missed that little goof. I looked at the picture, forgetting all about the text. I hated seeing him sad like that, but I was also kinda relieved that he hadn’t forgotten me.

Later on, I asked Cameron what I could possibly do about that, I mean, I’m here and he is way over there. Fortunately, Cameron already had a plan, I was going to take a flight over there and surprise him. Everything was already fixed, so all I had to do was pack, the one thing I hate. The flight was leaving tomorrow morning so I had to finish it all up today. I really couldn’t wait.

“Flight 115 is ready to board.” That was my flight. The plane was almost empty so I got two seats for myself. I sat there just thinking and looking out the window. This would be my second time at magcon, first time backstage. I still remember the first time I was there, as a fan. It was the worst yet the best time of my life.

This was it, I was finally meeting my heroes, my life, my everything! They were just a few feet away from me. I were the last girl who got to meet them today. There were only three girls in front of me. The girls were really nice, I just met them, but they seemed really friendly, the guys would probably love them and not even bother to take a second look at me. When the girls had all said hi to the guys and taken a few pictures they walked to the door but stopped and waited for me. How sweet of them!

Nash was the first one, I saw in the corner of my eye that Matt, who was the last one, was staring at me. “Hey! Aren’t you Taylor?” I heard Matt say to me. What? Did he know who I was?

I nodded shyly as I felt my face turning red. “You make vines right? I have seen them all, you are hilarious!” My eyes widened, he really did know who I was. After a few seconds Cameron looked at me and said “Yeah yeah yeah! I have seen them too! The one where you put a baby on a strangers lap was the best!”

I couldn’t believe this! They knew me! I looked over at the girls while Matt showed some of MY VINES to the rest of the guys. They gave me dirty looks, I think they were jealous of me. I couldn’t blame them, even I was jealous of me. I stepped closer to the guys as they were laughing their butts off. They really were looking at my vines. Right now they watched the vine where I got a man thinking that he pushed me into a pool, even though it was just me jumping in. “We need to take a group picture you guys!” Jack G said as he brought us all in for a picture. After we had said our goodbyes, I walked over to the girls who looked furious. “YOU BITCH!” One of them yelled at me as she slapped me across the face. I was really close to hitting her back when I felt a killing pain in my leg. I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That slut kicked my leg! I was 100% sure that I needed stitches. Apparently Matt had seen it all, because right after the girl kicked me, he came over to me. The pain wasn’t the worst part. I hated seeing blood, so to see a whole bunch of it coming out of my own body, made me feel really sick. Everything got blurry, and it eventually turned black.

When I woke up, I was in a white room and nine pair of eyes were looking right at me. I figured out later that Matt had lifted me up and brought me back to the other guys where they ended up calling for an ambulance. Matt was the one joining me in the car, but all the guys followed behind with their own cars.

“Thank you for joining us on this trip, hope to see you again in the near future.” I ‘zoned in’ as I heard the flight attendant speak. We had landed.

I walked out of the plane to find Cameron waiting there for me. He welcomed me with a big hug before we walked over to get my suitcase.
The whole way back to the hotel Cameron asked me questions about my flight and what food I ate. That’s just something he does.

Cameron brought me backstage where I met the rest of the guys. Matt was on stage doing his thing so he couldn’t see me yet. I hugged all the guys before Nash took my hand and led me closer to the stage. “You just walk up behind him, okay?” What!? I had to get up on that stage? Well, this could be interesting. Not only do I get to see the reaction Matt gets, but the thousands of screaming girls as well. Good Lord please let them like me!

“I’m really sorry for not being myself today guys. It’s just that my beautiful girlfriend is really far away and I miss her like crazy!” I looked at Matt as a tear rolled down his cheek. Now was the perfect time!

I walked up behind him holding my index finger up to my lip telling the fans to be quiet. “I’ve missed you too!” I whispered into his ear.

He turned around faster then ever. His eyes widened as he lifted me up from the ground giving me the biggest hug ever.

“Oh my gosh you’re really here!” He said before giving me a kiss on the lips.

“I really am!”

He gave me one last kiss before telling everyone that he would be back in a minute, as he took my hand and walked backstage.