a month ago : (

[PLEASE KEEP ANONYMOUS BC I DON’T WANT TO BE FIRED]

I’m a bra fitter in the UK. Won’t name the store, but it’s one that’s internationally popular so occasionally we get people from abroad coming in to bulk-buy English bras because they fit better and are cheaper.

A few months ago a German woman, who didn’t speak any English, came in for a fitting with her two daughters to translate for her. What she didn’t know was that I speak near-fluent German because I used to work in Bochum as a primary school teacher.

I fitted her for an hour (she wanted a LOT) and she slagged me off the whole time - “she doesn’t know what she’s doing / she’s so young– have they given me an intern? I want a professional / I won’t take fashion advice from a girl that heavy / she’s not using european sizing, is she stupid” - and her daughters translated VERY favourably, both of them clearly quite uncomfortable with the situation.

I put on a brave face for the whole thing, pretending not to notice, and then as I was putting in her customer info (we keep a record of all our customers) one of the daughters complimented me for pronouncing their surname correctly.

I said thanks, and casually dropped into conversation - in perfect German - that I used to live in Germany and spoke the language.

Watching all the colour drain from that woman’s face as she realised what just happened, and seeing her two daughters quietly lose their collective shit behind her, was pretty glorious. Almost made it worth it.

8

Jikook Social Media AU

Evanescent 1/?

Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook, both famous actors, shocked the nation when they revealed their long-time relationship to the public. Five years later and they’ve become icons to the LGBT community in South Korea. What the public doesn’t know is that they broke up 6 months ago and are now faking their relationship so as not to damage the image they’ve helped build for their community.

idk why i’m making an angsty ass au like this… i’ll go home

This is Penelope, the opossum at the zoo where I work l, sitting in her “weight bucket” so we can keep track of how much she weighs. She is a very good girl.

That is all. I hope this beautiful opossum made your day a little better.

5

if they had an extra hour to get to know each other before gettin to the lions.

7

Dan and Phil x Harry Potter x Life is Strange Crossover

[Part 2 here]

A Concept: You play as Daniel Howell, a young half-blood wizard who mysteriously receives time-rewinding powers at the beginning of his first year at Hogwarts. He realizes his powers do not adhere to the same spatiotemporal constraints as time turners: they do not obey the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle, and can only rewind up to five minutes at a time.  Unbeknownst to Dan, his powers are finite - the rate of depletion is available only to you, the player, in a meter on the right of the screen. For the first half of his time at Hogwarts, you use Dan’s powers to remake decisions to make life easier for him and his Muggle-born best friend Phil. Then, in his fourth year, Harry Freakin’ Potter returns from the maze with a dead body and life for Dan gets really dark really quickly. You realize too late you should probably have conserved your powers for the war.

There are four fixed events in the game: Befriending Phil, Cedric’s death, Dumbledore’s death, and Dan’s powers running out sometime during the Battle of Hogwarts.

7

It’s Sunday and now Sunday means spitpaint uploading day.

to all of my followers, and especially my younger ones, please don’t believe in all of the tumblr ideology without thinking about it critically. while tumblr can be right sometimes, a lot of it is just virtue signaling and mob mentality. if you don’t agree with something you see on tumblr please don’t think it just because that’s what everyone else is doing and you don’t want to feel ostracized 

you give me a bowl of candies and tell me that 80% are m&ms and 20% are skittles.
I take one and it eat it. skittle.
I grab a handful and eat them all at once. all skittles.
I grab another handful and eat them one at a time. all skittles.
you take 3 out and hand them to me, assuring me that they must be m&ms. they’re all skittles.

at this point, I’m likely to start believing that you have lied to me. it seems like the statistics must be the other way around, or maybe there are no m&ms at all.

at this point, I start expecting skittles. and I get them, every time.

I finally taste chocolate and spit it out. I wasn’t expecting it anymore and I’m not sure if I can even believe my own mouth.

this is why victims of repeated traumas don’t know how to react to good people.

It really sucks how the Great Comet broadway boot got taken down. I know that video helped the show to be way more accessible to lots of people. I wish we had another link to give to people or something. Maybe something that people could watch, download, possibly re-upload again if it got taken down again. If only such a thing existed. (x)