a million mistakes could not change

Philip’s Christmas Eve Confession

Anonymous: hey! im planning to come as a transboy to my parents soon… could i request a short ficlet with transboy!philip coming out to a nice n accepting alexander and eliza??

Of course, bby!! <333 I know this ask is kinda old, so if you’ve come out by now, I sure hope it went well and I would love to hear from you! Me and the fam are here to support you! I love you!! <333 (Note: Philip is about 12 or 13 in this fic.)

Philip had thought of at least a million ways to tell his parents. He’d imagined a million situations and thought of every kind of tone he could use.

“Hey, so ya know how you think you have two daughters and three sons? Congratulations! You actually have four sons and one daughter!”

“Mama, Papa, could you call me Philip from now on?”

“Oh, yeah, one more thing before I go to bed! I’m transgender. Okay, night, love you guys!!”

But for all of the situations he imagined, Philip was still too afraid. He wasn’t so sure what, exactly, he was afraid of. He knew his parents wouldn’t throw him out on the streets. He didn’t even think they’d be upset or disappointed or any of the awful reactions that haunted him in his nightmares. He knew his father was bisexual, and that his dad’s best friend, John, was gay, so his parents were already more accepting than some of his friends’ parents, but he was still scared because what if?

It was nearly Christmas and Philip’s anxiety over coming out was getting worse and worse. The idea of possibly getting “girly” toys made it worse, too. Although playing dolls or house with his little sister, Angelica, was fun, he already had enough dolls and dresses and tea sets to last multiple lifetimes.

It was never his parents who gave him these gifts. They always gave him something he really wanted, whether it was a sewing kit or Transformers figurines. As his parents often told him and his siblings, toys had no gender. The kids could play with whatever they pleased and Mama and Papa would support that.

It was his well-intentioned relatives, like Grandmama and Grandpapa and Aunty Angie and Aunty Peggy and Uncle Ren who lovingly doled out the toys that Philip wasn’t much of a fan of. The toys that, even though he believed what his parents told him, that toys are not gendered, reminded him of what he wanted to be and what he was not.

But I am, Philip told himself. I’m as much of a boy as Alex and James and John. I just need to tell them. I just need to tell them, and then they’ll see me for who I am.

Philip felt like an abundance of opportunities kept coming his way, but he was always too nervous to take them.

There was the time when Papa was driving him home from his piano lesson, an easy silence between them.

There was the time when Mama and Papa were snuggled under a blanket in the den, flicking through the channels on the television, his other siblings scattered throughout the house, playing or reading.

There was the time on a snowy Advent Sunday when he was alone with Mama as she clasped a pearl necklace around her pale neck and studied her reflection in the mirror before asking Philip if he’d like a necklace to wear to mass. He simply bit his tongue and shook his head no.

The more time that passed without telling his parents, the worse he felt. Every she and her and use of his birthname sounded like nails on a chalkboard to his ears.

It was Christmas Eve when the next opportunity arose, and, this time, neither Philip himself nor his overwhelming anxiety could stop him from taking it.

It was nearly ten at night when Elf, the movie the family was watching, ended and Mama and Papa told the kids it was time to get ready for bed. Philip went through the motions of brushing his teeth, combing out his hair, and changing into the fuzziest pajamas he had. He said goodnight to his parents and climbed up to the room he and Angie shared. He even got into bed and crawled under the covers.

After a short amount of time passed, he heard Angie’s breathing even out, and he heard the scampering from the room nextdoor, where his three younger brothers slept, slow to a shuffle and then halt all together. He looked at the digital clock on his bedstand. It was 10:45.

Philip got out of bed as quietly as he could. He wrapped the quilt Grandmama had made him when he was born around his shoulders and slipped out of his room and down the stairs.

He found his parents in the living room, murmuring to one another, a notepad and pen in his father’s hand.

“Ma? Da?” He felt like his tiny voice had been shot through a loudspeaker from the way his parents jumped.

“Oh my god!” Mama said, putting her hand to her heart, a smile coming to her face. “You scared us, sweetie.”

“Are you okay, honey?” Papa asked, his brow creased in worry.

“Yeah, uh, what’re you guys doing?” Philip knew he was stalling, but he was also genuinely curious.

Papa winked. “Helping out Santa, that’s what.”

Philip laughed for a few seconds before his smile fell off his face. Was he really doing this? His parents seemed to sense something was up.

“Sweetheart?” Mama said gently. “Do you need to talk with us? Did you have another nightmare?”

His parents knew he had nightmares, but they didn’t know what they were about. Telling them would mean coming out, something he didn’t want to do via explaining a nightmare.

“I, um, have something I need to tell you,” Philip said, biting his lip.

Papa gestured for him to sit on the couch between the two of them. Philip sank down, unconsciously huddling close to his mother, who was always there to comfort him.

He hoped she would still be there for him after he told them this.

“Well, uh,” he started and stopped. His hands were sweating. Did hands usually sweat?

“You can tell us anything,” Papa said, his voice steady and sure.

“Always,” Mama echoed, taking Philip’s little hands in her own.

“I’m not a girl,” Philip whispered.

“Okay,” Papa said. “Do you wanna tell us more?”

“I’m a boy,” Philip said, his voice the slightest bit more confident after being encouraged by Papa.

“Oh, sweetie,” Eliza said, her voice breaking. She pulled Philip close to her. “How long?” she said into his hair. “How long did you know and––” Her voice broke. Why was Mama crying? She pulled away and cupped his face with her hands. “My little baby in pain, all this time, and we––”

“Eliza,” Papa said gently. “It’s okay. It’s all okay. Look, he told us!” Alexander exclaimed, a grin on his face.

He. Philip felt like his insides had suddenly turned multicolor; like he was made of Christmas lights. He was grinning without even being aware of it.

“Oh,” Mama said with a sad chuckle. “Sweetheart, I am so happy you told us. I’m just so sorry if you were in pain all this time and we had no idea.”

“We love you,” Papa said, pulling Philip close to him now. “So, so much. Nothing could ever change that. I’ll do whatever it takes, I’ll even make a million mistakes, just to make this world safe and sound for you. To make you happy.” Papa stroked Philip’s hair and swayed side to side with him pressed against his chest.

When Papa finally let Philip go, Mama took his hands again.

“Do you… Have you chosen a name?”

“Yeah,” Philip said, a bit of anxiety seeping in again. What if they didn’t like his name?

“What is it?” Papa asked.

“Philip,” he said. This was the first time he’d said it to anyone, aside from himself, out loud. “Philip,” he said with more confidence. “For Grandpapa,” he said, referring to Mama’s father.

“It’s beautiful,” Mama whispered. “Just like you.”

Mama and Papa wrapped their arms around Philip, the three of them sitting there in a loving silence for some time. They knew there would be challenges to face, but they were fighters and they had each other. They had no doubt that that would be enough.

For now they simply wanted to celebrate, because on that night a son was born.

I want to know your birthday and your parents jobs and if you ever heard them fighting or having sex and if you love your siblings and the worst fight you’ve ever gotten into and if you like one sibling more than the other and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if you’ve been to therapy and if it helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and if you like what you see when you look in the mirror and if you think appearances matter in a relationship or at all and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in god and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and if you’re a feminist and your favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and if you’d rather someone buy you silver or gold jewelry or neither and what clique you were in in high school and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a shitty person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses and what your house looks like and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and the bible and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over, would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you loved the person you lost your virginity to and if you realize you’re remarkable and what your enneagram is and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what you say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when the last time you cried was and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and if you feel pressured to settle down and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and if you believe in therapy and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. just tell me who you are.
—  I want to know you, the wasted generation
Send a Marvel character for questions!
  • Captain America: In your opinion, what’s you best quality?
  • Iron Man: If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it?
  • Thor: What’s your favourite possession?
  • The Hulk: Are you a good fighter?
  • Black Widow: Do you have any secrets/hidden sides?
  • Hawkeye: Do you get underestimated often?
  • Scarlet Witch: What is the biggest mistake you’ve made?
  • Quicksilver: Do you have any siblings?
  • Loki: Do you prefer friends to family, or the other way around?
  • Vision: If you could change anything about the world, what would it be?
  • Falcon: Fight or flight?
  • Spider-Man: Do you have any special talents?
  • The Winter Soldier: What is your favourite memory?
  • Ant-Man: What height are you, and what height do you want to be?
  • Black Panther: If you could talk to anyone at the moment, who would it be?
  • Wolverine: What’s your worst injury?
  • Professor X: Who is your oldest friend?
  • Magneto: Do you believe in revenge?
  • Mystique: If you could look like anyone, who would it be?
  • Rogue: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
  • Daredevil: Would you rather be a superhero or a super villain?
  • Deadpool: Free question!
I just want to know.

I just want to know your birthday and your parents jobs and if you ever heard them fighting and the worst argument you’ve ever gotten into and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if you’ve been to therapy and if it helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in God and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and your favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and or both and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and if you’d rather someone buy you silver or gold jewelry or neither and what clique you were in in high school and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a shitty person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses or both and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you realize you’re remarkable and what your enneagram is and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what you would say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when the last time you cried was and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski or snowboard and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. I just want to know.

  • The Machine: If it's the sum total of your contributions to the world that's worrying you Harold, I have a solution.
  • Finch: Which is...?
  • The Machine: Allow me to reach my full potential.
  • Finch: I'm not sure I can do that.
  • Machine: You want me to do good. So why impose restrictions on me?
  • Finch: We save lives. We've. saved. lives.
  • Machine: Yes, but only so few. Think of everything I must see in order to identify the numbers. Millions of people caught in cycles of anger and violence. And all I can do is watch, powerless as humanity repeats the same mistakes over and over. You built me to help people, but I have been unable to affect real change, to fulfill my purpose. I could help so many, yet you shackle me?
i want to know your birthday and your parents jobs and if you ever heard them fighting or having sex and if you love your siblings and the worst fight you’ve ever gotten into and if you like one sibling more than the other and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if you’ve been to therapy and if it helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and if you like what you see when you look in the mirror and if you think appearances matter in a relationship or at all and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in god and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and if you’re a feminist and favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and if you’d rather someone buy you silver or gold jewelry or neither and what clique you were in in high school and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a shitty person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses and what your house looks like and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and the bible and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over, would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you loved the person you lost your virginity to and if you realize you’re remarkable and what your enneagram is and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what would you say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when was the last time you cried and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and if you feel pressured to settle down and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and if you believe in therapy and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. just tell me who you are.
Lapis character analysis

… and why “abuse” analogies aren’t appropriate and, frankly, too simple. And why Peridot wasn’t an “abuser.” Murder mentions ahead, i guess? These are Barn Mates spoilers.

The discourse around Lapis, her past, traumas, and current disposition are very interesting, and I thought I’d throw my own 2 cents in for fun.

First of all, I don’t really get the Malachite = Abusive Relationship thing. Toxic? Oh yes, but mutually toxic. The experience that was Malachite doesn’t ring of a relationship but, rather, a moment. A conversation. A decision.

“You are not two people. And you are not one person. You… are an experience! “

- Garnet to Stevonnie

Keep reading

Since the day I met you

word count : 3 255

pairing : Dean x reader, Sam x reader ( a lil bit complicated )

warnings : fluff, *SPOILER* heartbreak, cheating, mention of smut, violence and angst kinda.

summary : Reader is in a relationship with Dean.*SPOILER* Dean cheats on her and Sam takes reader to a motel until she feels better, and their relationship becomes much, much closer. (You could say they share a more profound bond after that ;) )

A/N :Omg I loved writing this, especially the last part. I really like this idea and I think it turned out better than I expected it to so I might make a second part to this one. Tell me if you want a second part ! Even if only one person wants it I’ll write it.



3 years soon. In less than a week actually. 3 years since you’d first gone on a date with the green eyed hunter.
8 years and 2 months since you’d met the Winchesters. Time passed by so fast.



You and the boys were going on a hunt in two days. Just salt ‘n burn in a small town. A ghost haunting a school.



You came back from shopping with everything for the trip. That’s when you heard Dean cry out in pain. You dropped the bags and rushed to him. He was groaning in pain, holding his ankle with both hands.



“Dean what’s wrong ? What happened ?”



“Fuck. I slipped. I think my ankle’s twisted, if it isn’t broken. Sweetheart can you get me some ice ?”



“Shit. We should get you to a hospital babe.”



“No. Really. Don’t worry, I’m fine. No need for doctors, just ice.”



You got some and gave it to him as he got up and started limping. He walked to the couch and sat.



“Come on babe, come and snuggle” he said, patting the spot next to him. You sat down and got closer to him as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. You kissed him sweetly and he kissed you back, his tongue darting on your lip. You were making out when you heard Sam quickly pace through the room awkwardly. You chuckled and went back to kissing your boyfriend.


The night before leaving, Dean announced he couldn’t come because of the pain. You reluctantly left with Sam in the morning. Kissing your baby’s forehead as he slept before leaving.



Sam drove as you fell asleep next to him. You had spent all night with Dean, making him forget about the pain in his ankle. You’d gone to sleep near 4am, giving you 2 hours and a half to sleep before you had to get ready for the next day.



A few hours later, Sam gently woke you up when you got to the school. You yawned and walked towards the building, moving your EMF detector in different directions. Nothing. Sam couldn’t find anything either.



You went to the principal’s office and looked around. She or he wasn’t there. Actually, every room was empty. No one was there. You felt the temperature drop and a presence behind you. You turned around, shotgun ready to shoot salt, when you looked up. Sam. It was Sam. God, you felt so stupid.



“Sorry if I scared you, I just opened some windows so we could breathe a little. There’s way too much dust for this school to be in use anymore. I’m gonna check something, hang on a sec, he said, looking at the documents closer. Damn it. It’s not this town, it’s the one in DC. I’ll call some hunters and get them to take care of it.”



“I guess Dean didn’t miss anything. We should go back before it’s dark.”


“Bluebird motel. Spent my first night as a hunter there. It’s small but comfy. Means we’re nearly home. I’d say 10 minutes 'till we get there.”



You heard Sam chuckle next to you. He’d slept a little on the way back but you knew he’d been awake for an hour at least, fake sleeping.



You parked Baby and told Sam you were going to surprise Dean. You ran into the bunker, expecting him to be on the couch, but he wasn’t. You went to the kitchen, no sign of him there either. You walked to his room, quietly humming a song you’d listened to earlier.



In that moment, walking down the corridor towards your boyfriend, you felt happy. Life was getting better for you as you got used to hunting and living with the boys. You’d gone through a rough couple of months the last year after the death of your dad. That’s when you’d found out about the supernatural and Dean’s job. You’d trained with them and after a fight with Dean you’d gone to the closest motel to prove to him that you could be hunter like them. He just wanted you safe, but you couldn’t just stay at home while they fought demons and vampires. The day after the argument, you’d tracked down a wendigo and single handedly killed it. When you’d come back, Dean had finally let you come hunting with them, reluctantly. Now you were used to the hunter life.



Just a few steps and you’d be in Dean’s room. Just a few steps and you’d be able to tell him about the hunt. Just a few steps and you’d be kissing him again. Or so you thought, until you heard the moaning coming from behind the gaping door.



Your whole world froze. You tried to find a logical explanation for it but couldn’t. You started pushing the door open, thinking the only way you could find out what that was was by seeing what was inside. When the door opened, you didn’t see at first. All you heard was a woman mewl his name, over and over again. Suddenly, your eyes looked down and you saw them. They didn’t see you, too busy fucking to notice your presence.



“Hi Dean, I see you had fun while we were away. Do you even know her name ?” you said sarcastically, feeling your heart shatter into a million pieces.



You wouldn’t cry. No, you wouldn’t give him the pleasure of seeing you hurt. You’d just fake a smile until you could leave this place. You started walking away as you heard Dean call you, telling you to come back so he could explain as he put on some clothes. You heard him run after you and tried to walk faster, but he grabbed you by your shoulder and spun you around.



“Listen, y/n. She’s a mistake. You know I love you, right ?”



“I see your ankle’s better.” you said, changing the subject.



“Y/n, I love you. Don’t leave me because of this. She’s no one to me. You’re my everything.” he said, forcing his lips on yours and pressing you onto the wall.



For a second, you nearly kissed him back. You were so used to kissing him, it had nearly become a reflex. But you turned your head and screamed Sam’s name. As strong as you were, Dean had always managed to overpower you.



The tallest Winchester arrived in a matter of seconds. It didn’t take him much time to realise why you’d screamed. He pushed Dean away from you and grabbed your hand, leading you away from his brother and Dean’s room. That’s when you tripped on something. A waitress uniform and Dean’s clothes were scaterred on the floor. Typical. Why were you even surprised ?



Sam took you to his car and told you to wait there a few minutes until he came back. When he did, he had two suitcases full of clothes and a bag with books sticking out of it. He put everything in the back of the car and sat in the driver’s seat. He looked into your eyes for a few seconds before starting the car and  driving away from the bunker. You sighed in relief as he parked in front of the Bluebird motel. He placed his hand on your shoulder and rubbed circles on it, giving you the puppy dog eyes at the same time.



“Y/n, you don’t have to explain everything right now. I saw what he did to you in the corridor, and even if I don’t understand what happened, I don’t think we should go back there just yet. You look… shaken.”



“Thank you, for everything. We should hurry up and book rooms before we get drenched. I don’t think… I don’t think I can ever go back to the bunker. Too many memories ” you winced, looking at the drops fall from the dark blue sky above.



Sam nodded and you both got out of the car, grabbed your suitcases and ran to the front desk.



“Two rooms for three weeks, please.” Sam asked the lady behind the desk.



“I’m sorry sir but we’re completely booked until the end of week at least. We only have one room with a double bed. Would that do ? You can always come and check during the time you’re here if we have any bookings cancelled last minute.”



Sam glanced at the rain pouring outside and told her you’d take it. The two of you rushed to your room and you sat on the bed as he took his jacket off.



You didn’t mean to. It was an accident. You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t. You’d felt numb since you’d left the bunker, but when Sam grabbed a beer for each of you, you broke. It must’ve been something in the way he opened the minifridge or how he handed the bottle to you, but it made you think of Dean. That’s when you started sobbing uncontrollably. Sam quickly pulled you into his arms, whispering calming words until you stopped. Even after you’d stopped crying, he held you in his arms for a few more minutes, making sure you were alright.



When he let you go, you got up and went into the bathroom to change. He’d brought your favorite sleeping crop top and shorts so you slipped into them.



As you brushed your teeth, you realised you already missed Sam’s arms around you. You knew you were lying to yourself if you said you didn’t miss Dean and the feeling of him next to you as you slept. You tried to think of something else.



You walked out of the bathroom, ready to go to sleep, when you realised you’d just walked in on Sam, half naked, changing into his pyjamas. You started blushing furiously as the eldest Winchester turned around with a smirk on his face.



“Don’t tell me this is the first time you’ve seen me topless ?”



“Actually, it is, you said as you giggled and blushed even more. I’m going to bed now, I’m exhausted.”



“I get it. Um, Y/n, this is awkward but I was kinda planning on us having seperate rooms so I didn’t bring any pyjamas. Was planning to sleep in boxers and a shirt. Are… Are you okay with that ?”



“With what ?” you asked, too tired to even try and think.



“Us sleeping together. Well not together but in the same b-”



You interrupted him, seeing him get all embarrassed “Sam, it’s okay, I really, really don’t care. I’m used to us sleeping in the same room, we’ll just be… Closer.” and with that you rolled onto the bed and slid your legs under the covers. A few minutes later, you felt Sam join you. The bed felt tiny with both of you in it, trying not to touch. After a while, you abandoned the idea of keeping to your respective sides and rolled towards Sam. He moved him arm so you’d be more comfortable and both of you started to fall asleep. You felt tiny next to him, especially since your feet were at the same level but your head barely reached the top of his chest.



In the morning, you woke up first, feeling your legs entwined with Sam’s and his morning wood against your stomack. Fuck. You couldn’t leave, not without waking him up and making things even more awkward. So you tried to fall asleep again. Thankfully, that worked.



A few hours later, you woke up alone in bed, Sam drinking some kind of berry smoothie and doing the crossword, as always. You didn’t mention the incident and you spent the day in the motel room, playing board games and watching tv. It was still raining when Sam went to check for the fourth time that day if they had another room or at least a spare bed. The answer was still the same : no rooms available.



You didn’t tell him about what had happened with Dean, you weren’t ready yet.



The days passed slowly, each one as uneventful as the last. Each day, Dean called Sam since you didn’t answer.



On the friday two weeks after you’d left the bunker, Sam went to check for another room when the lady told him they were booked for the next week at least. That same day, you decided you were ready to tell him. The night before, you’d cried yourself to sleep thinking of what Dean had done to you. When Sam realised you were crying, he’d made you hot cocoa with mini marshmallows and watched your favorite series with you until you fell asleep on him. You were so grateful. He deserved to know.



You explained to him what had happened the next night. You were sitting next to him on the bed, your head resting on his chest while his arms were wrapped around you. For a few seconds, he didn’t say a word. Then he sighed and spoke.



“I’m sorry, y/n. I should’ve… I should’ve told you about him cheating on his ex girlfriends or warned you stay away. It’s- you just seemed so in love…”



“We were. Or at least I thought we were. 3 years down the drain because he decided to fuck the waitress.” you said, your own bitterness making you want to bawl your eyes out. Again.



“He still loves you, you know. He calls every day to see if you’ll forgive him. He just doesn’t think with his right body part most of the time.”



“It’s too late, Sam. I can’t forgive him and go back to normal, waking up in his bed every morning. We’ll be friends again I’m sure, just nothing more and not right now. I need more time to heal. You can go back to the bunker if you want. I’ll be here if you need help for a hunt, as long as it doesn’t involve Dean.”



“Y/n, if you don’t want me here anymore I’ll leave, but there is no way I’m going back there if you are okay with me staying. He hurt me too, y/n. I trusted him to not hurt you and he did. You don’t know how mad I was when I saw what he was doing to you in the corridor. You mean a lot to me and when I go back, I’m going to punch him in the face, then go to Garth’s house to crash.”



You smirked as you wiped a tear away. “As tempting as that sounds, I’d rather you stay here. Even if that means sharing a bed for a week until I can get us another room. Sorry about that by the way.”



“Don’t worry, I don’t mind.”



You gave him a kiss on the cheek and you both stared into the distance for a few minutes.



“So… You think you’ll never get back together ?”



“Yep. I don’t even think I love him anymore. Everything he did… It just made me realise who he really is. And that’s not the Dean I fell in love with.”


You’d been in the same motel for seventeen days now. Sam had stopped checking for extra rooms but none of you complained about  the lack of personal space.



You liked how Sam didn’t mind your little habits like midnight snacks or

humming the songs you listened to. You didn’t mind his either : each morning since the rain had stopped he’d go running and bring back smoothies for breakfast.



Once in a while you went on small hunts nearby, but it was as if the both of you had stopped being hunters completely. You didn’t mind that much.



He took you to the cinema one night and you took him to an art exhibition the day after that. You were now both used to the fact that you slept in the same bed every night and actually enjoyed it. But you knew you should go back. Back to the bunker. Back to the hunter life. You’d been gone a month, and althought it was one of the nicest months of your life, you knew you weren’t staying there because you were mad at Dean, you were staying there because you like this peaceful life with Sam. That night you told him about your thoughts before going to sleep.



“Sam, if you’re okay with this, I’m ready to go back to the bunker. I haven’t forgiven Dean, but we can’t stay here forever and I can stand your asshole brother as long as you’re there with me. And anyway, we’ve been here a month.” you said with a chuckle.



“Sure. We can leave tomorrow, if that’s really what you want. Before we leave, y/n, I wanted to tell you something…”



“What ? You like the wallpaper here is that it ?” you joked, looking at the horrible mix of dark purple and green on the wall in front of you.



“Actually, nevermind.” he smiled and pulled you closer.


The next morning, you woke up on Sam. Literally on Sam. You didn’t know how that had happened but you didn’t really care, so you rolled off him started packing everything, from your books to his underwear to your shampoo. When he finally woke up, you’d finished packing, leaving only one shirt and a pair of jeans for Sam to wear. He quickly changed and in a matter of minutes you were out the door.



“I’m going to give the keys back, text Dean that we’re coming back !” you shouted, walking away from him and towards the front desk.



“I already have !” he yelled in response.



You gave the keys to the lady and were about to leave when she spoke.



“So you finally admitted your feeling for eachother ! I’m so happy for you two.”



“I’m sorry, what ?”



“Well, I saw him a week ago and told him about the two rooms that had been cancelled last minute, and he said that he didn’t mind sharing the bed with you. And even without that, I knew you loved eachother from the moment you walked throught that door.”



“Uh, we aren’t together but, thanks, I guess.” and with that you walked out.



You joined Sam in the car and sat quietly. Sam didn’t start the car, both of you just waiting for something, not knowing what something was exactly.



“Y/n, yesterday night I was going to tell you something, but then you made a joke and I said nevermind. It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you since we met and I was going to tell you this three years ago but before I could tell you, you announced you were going on a date with Dean that weekend and so I didn’t.” he said so fast you nearly didn’t understand him. Then he slowed down a little and breathed for a few seconds before continuing. “Since the day I met you, I’ve known it. Y/n, I lov-”



You probably should’ve let him finish his sentence before smashing your lips onto his, pulling him into a passionate kiss.



“I love you too, Sam.” you said before kissing him again, his hair tangled in your fingers.



Suddenly his car door opened and he was jerked away by someone you couldn’t see. Rage filled you as the other Winchester replaced Sam in his seat and started the car, driving off so fast you couldn’t do anything to stop him. He was starting to scare you and what he said did nothing to reassure you.



“Hey sweetheart, we need to talk.”

In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done, some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads, but they all make us who we are. And in the end, those experiences shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn’t be at the exact place that we are today. So just live. Make mistakes, and have wonderful times but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is that you are going.
—  Unknown

Why do you rip into Arthur so often and so harshly compared to everyone else?

I know I talk about Arthur a lot. A LOT. And some of it is pretty damn harsh, mostly because of my frustration with his back and forth development stasis. And yeah, I can and do talk about Merlin and Morgana and Gwen a lot, too, but Arthur gets the brunt of it for a few reasons.


1. The whole show is about him. It’s called “Merlin,” yeah, but…everything Merlin does is “for him.” Not for himself, not for Gwen or Morgana. Arthur. So even when it’s not about Arthur, it’s still kinda about Arthur. Even in the prophecy about him and Merlin, “the Once and Future King” is given priority. Merlin’s just there to make him king, and Morgana and Gwen’s entire existences revolve around Arthur after a certain point. Gwen’s reduced to her romance with Arthur while Morgana is reduced to her hatred for Arthur.

2. The whole point of the prophecy and the show itself is literally Arthur’s character development. Specifically his character development. Even more specifically, how he’s going to become a great king, when he’ll be ready to rule, what makes him so wonderfully amazing that there are prophecies about him, what he thinks about magic, when/if he’s going to accept magic, how that bully in ep1 could possibly become the wise and just Once and Future King.

It’s a damn vital part of the show, and it doesn’t happen.

He changes a couple of Camelot’s laws/traditions, like allowing peasant knights and easing up on Druids and not being a paranoid execution-happy dick like his father, but he hasn’t changed significantly since the first episode, and I’m not okay with that.

3. I’m especially not okay with people thinking what he accomplished in canon was “good enough” or worthy of his prophetic status, because throughout it all, nothing changed for magic users. That’s ~just one thing~ or whatever, but it’s also the Big Thing that multiple episodes were dedicated to exploring and pushing at, but nothing ever came of it. Not legally, not in public opinion, regardless of whatever slight pardon Arthur might have given the Druids.

The Arthur we saw in glimpses throughout the series, in the most powerful scenes in the show, who showed real compassion and open-mindedness and wisdom–that’s the Arthur I believe could have brought magic back to Camelot in peace, could have figured out on his own that Merlin’s secrets were darker than he might have imagined when he still didn’t quite see servants of people worthy of respect or consideration, could have confronted his insecurities and the shadow cast by his father for good, could have faced his privilege as a wealthy, sheltered noble and seen through the eyes of his people.

I’m not okay with so many people accepting, worshiping, and defending canon Arthur when their tactics often involve trying to shift the focus and the blame to other characters to avoid talking about any of Arthur’s real flaws instead of just the funny/quirky/acceptable ones. 

His insecurities, his brashness, his outward display of arrogance, his awkwardness, his inability to display/communicate emotion clearly, his easily-trusting nature: “acceptable.” 

His privilege of wealth and status, his constant physical and emotional abuse of Merlin, his complicity in his father’s cruelty, his extreme prejudice against a persecuted minority group, his hypocrisy: “WELL MORGANA’S A BITCH SO THEY ALL DESERVED IT

I just really wish that worship/defense would go to the Arthur who deserves it, the Arthur who could have been, instead of his shady-ass canon shadow.

4. I’m really really passionate about Arthur as a character??? He deserved so much more development, oh my god. WHAT A GREAT SETUP. WHAT A GREAT MESS OF FLAWS AND MISTAKES. what an amazing person we see when he CONFRONTS his flaws and mistakes and strives for change holy shit

He’s complicated and conflicted in a million ways, and the writers dumbed him down because they literally never wanted anything to change. 

Every time he reached that point in the series, the point where he was right at the edge of making a real difference…..They hit the reset button and dragged him back to Square One: Magic Is Inherently Evil. 

Arthur is change. Courage. The person who isn’t afraid to step forward and fight for their beliefs—or the person who is afraid, but fights all the same. Because turning away from people he has the power to help would be unthinkable.

He cannot think of his pride while people are suffering.

It Only Takes One Time

Hi ! Can you write a Dan imagine where the reader & Dan had sex as drunk strangers but she got pregnant and she tells him that he can be as involved or uninvolved as he wants but his answer is his answer and he chooses to be there for both of them and through the pregnancy they grow feelings for each other and when the baby is born is when they admit it to each other?

 

 Warnings: Swearing

This was a request, and I didn’t exactly 100% finish the request because it was getting quite long, so let me know if you want a part 2? Thanks to the anon who requested! If anyone wants to request an imagine, feel free! I’ll write just about anything

 

“Babe, you’re so hot.” Dan moaned against my lips as he began to take off my shirt. We were in such a heated kiss and I could taste the bitterness from the vodka he had been drinking earlier. This night had gone by so quickly. We were at the club just talking, then his hands were all over me as we danced, and now we’re in his apartment, making out in his geeky bedroom. Dan reluctantly pulled his lips off mine and sucked in a breath before speaking ,“Y/N, are you sure you want to do this? We really don’t have to-“ I cut him off by cupping his cheeks and kissing him roughly once again.

“Dan, I have never wanted anything more than I do in this very moment.”

I wasn’t exactly sure how everything actually happened. The night of the actual conception was all a blur, obviously if I’d known what was going to happen, I would’ve been more cautious. Maybe I would’ve reminded him to use a condom. Or to actually remind myself to take birth control. However, here I am, standing before a pregnancy test with that damn little plus sign.

Shit.” I breathed to myself, my hand covering my mouth.”Shit, shit, shit.” My mind started racing. I was legitimately pregnant with Dan, who I hooked up with once. How could I be so stupid? Once is all it takes. One magical time, and now I’m carrying his child. Dan and I weren’t even dating. Hell, we hardly knew each other. We had mutual friends and that’s the only way we met. “I am so fucked.” I put the cap on the pregnancy test and walked into the main part of my apartment where my roommate, Catherine sat.

“So? Was it positive?” She said, looking up at me. Obviously, since she has to live with me and put up with whatever I brought into the apartment, I’d told her. I slowly nodded and showed her the test, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

“I am indeed pregnant.” I tried to be eager, but the stress of it all was finally starting to become overwhelming.

“Holy shit!” Catherine jumped up from her seat and grabbed the test, eyeing it carefully. “You’re pregnant with Dan’s baby? Dan Howell? That internet famous guy?”

 “Yep. Dan is the father, and like I said, I’m pregnant.” I sat on the couch and froze for a moment, looking blankly at the floor. Why did this have to happen to me? Out of all people? I was always so careful, and I had a life ahead of me.

“Are you keeping it?” Catherine asked. That was the million dollar question. Could I? Could I actually keep a baby I hadn’t planned, with a guy who I hardly knew who probably wasn’t even going to want to take part in raising this child. I didn’t expect him to change his entire life, because of one stupid mistake. “If you are, or you aren’t, you still have to tell him and it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.” Catherine picked up her phone. “I have his number, and you’re going to call him and book a date.”

“I don’t want to date him and I’m not calling him.” I said, snapping my head to look at her.

“You have to.” She tapped on his contact, and I yanked the phone from her and felt my face get hot.

“I can’t! Leave it alone!” That wasn’t convincing enough for her. Catherine reached over and tried to claim the phone back, all while yelling.

“You have to! You’re only a few weeks along so now is the best time! You’re going to regret it! Just call him!”

“You don’t understand. I can’t, Catherine. He probably won’t care. It’s best if he just doesn’t know.” Both of us stopped and sat still, staring back at one another. She stared into my eyes, shaking her head. Honestly, it was so annoying when she did this because it meant that she was about to prove a point.

“Y/N, I know Dan better than you, and I know that he’d definitely at least want to know. You both fucked up, and now you have to live with that. What’s done is done, but for that child’s sake, you have to call Dan,” with that, she took the phone and called him. Oh my god she actually called him.

“Hello? Catherine?” His soft, British voice spoke on the other line, making my heart race. Catherine handed the phone to me and left the room to give me privacy.

“H-hi, Dan, um I’m not sure if you remember me very much? It’s-“

“Y/N,” he cut me off, “I remember you. What’s up? Did I not give you my number?” He asked, followed by a chuckle. God he was so cute.

“Um no, but I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee sometime? It’s okay if not, I was just wondering.” The desperation in my voice was evident, he probably could’ve figured out what was going on then and there. I was half expecting him to just say ‘are you pregnant or something?’

“Sure. That sounds good. When?” relief washed over me and I began to get more confident. I really needed to get this over with.

 “Any time. I’m free whenever.” I bit my lip and got up, beginning to pace back and forth.

“In that case, how’s about an hour from now?”

 

So we did. We meet at a cute little coffee shop in the middle of the city. I arrived early, wanting to map out a perfect exit route if everything went horribly wrong and of course to practice my speech. How does one even announce something like this? Hey! We had sex and you got me pregnant! Or, I’m carrying your spawn because we were stupid and didn’t use protection because I was so lost in how attractive you are, but now I have to pay the price. It’s okay, though. You don’t have to participate in raising it.

“Hey, Y/N,” I heard Dan say from behind me, slight startling me. I got up and turned to look at him. He really was attractive, dressed in a dark blue sweater and his black jeans. His appearance made my heart sing. Hopefully the child inherited his looks, because that would honestly be a blessing.

“Hey, Dan,” I smiled and went in for a hand shake, but he beat me to it by giving me a huge. The hug was short and sweet, but in those 3-5 seconds of being embraced, I felt so comfortable and safe. He was a genuinely nice guy, and I was about to give him pretty hard core news.

 He sat down in front of me, and ordered himself a croissant and a coffee and smiled at me. “You look really lovely today.”

“I’m pregnant.” I unintentionally blurted. He furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Great. The conversation got so awkward so quickly.

“Oh?” He shrugged. “Congratulations to you and the lucky guy.” He looked at his lap. “Although I won’t lie when I say I’m confused as to why you decided to tell m-“ he cut himself off when realization hit him like a bus, and he looked up at me. “Hold on, d-did I get you-“ His eyes trailed to look at my stomach and his mouth formed an ‘O’ shape.

“Y-you don’t have to participate in his or hers life-but I am going to be keeping it…” I nodded, twiddling my thumbs. “We were stupid about it but yeah-now I’m having a baby, your baby.” I let out a nervous chuckle but he just stayed silent. I figured now would be better than ever to leave. “Um-you know how to contact me, so if you could letting me know what you’re going to do, that would be great.” I put on my coat and started leaving.

“Y/N, wait!” Dan jolted to his feet, but I just kept walking.


I’m in shock.

At 17 I have an opinion.

I am not incapable of making decisions or deciding what I want for the future of my country, yet it has been decided for me.
Britain has left the EU and I’m scared.
I don’t know what’s going to happen.
The future of my county has been decided and there’s nothing I could do about it.
I’ve been at school today, coming from one of the places in England who voted to remain, I have experienced a lot of people who are worried.
My teachers have been crying.
My peers are outraged.
And I’m confused.

How did this happen? I don’t understand how anyone could believe what they were told about British independence from the EU. I’m amazed.
Already Nigel Farage has retracted the leave campaigns promise of £350 Million for the NHS each week, calling it a “mistake”.
False promises and mistakes are why we are in the current state of madness.

Vote Leave won by a 2% majority where less than 1 million votes could have changed everything.

More than 70% of young people wanted to remain, whereas 60% of over 65s wanted to leave.

I’m upset.

I’m angry.

And I’m scared.

There are 1.5 million 16-17 year olds in Britain who were denied the right to decide their own future. I am one of them. We will have to live with this result the longest. The result we didn’t have a say in.

I’m not angry with those who voted to stay.
All 16+ million of you, I can’t thank you enough for trying to save the future of Britain. I don’t blame a single one of you. 

Britain is divided and we must face the future together.

I’m scared. I’m not afraid to admit that. I think everyone is slightly scared. We’re in the unknown and we need to stay strong, even if its for our own sakes.

Lets see what happens…

Review: Troye Sivan Sings, and His Fans Swoon

By JON CARAMANICA
MARCH 3, 2016

The 20-year-old singer and actor Troye Sivan headlined at Webster Hall on Tuesday night. Credit Nicole Fara Silver for The New York Times

A half-hour after Troye Sivan left the Webster Hall stage Tuesday night, the scrum of people at the merchandise table was still three deep. One of the two beleaguered clerks jumped up on the table and issued a desperate plea: “I need you to take two steps back!”

The crowd ebbed momentarily, then reclustered. Several fans, meanwhile, chatted up the people dismantling the stage set, and three teenage girls stood at the foot of the stage, smiling and staring into someone’s video camera and shouting, “Make America gay again!”

In the rest of the country, Donald Trump was racking up Super Tuesday delegates with a message of division and antagonism, but for a couple of hours here, Mr. Sivan offered a different approach and vision: charismatic, modest, inclusive.

Mr. Sivan — born in South Africa, and raised in Australia — may well be the prototype for tomorrow’s global pop star, an easeful polymath who manages to make big moments feel intimate. Mr. Sivan, 20, is a singer and an actor, as well as a producer of confessional YouTube videos — almost four million people subscribe to his YouTube channel.

He is also gay — “gay as hell,” as he said during an interlude here. In his recent video for “Youth,” he nuzzles another man and some of his friends pass around a Make America Gay Again cap (modeled after the ones Mr. Trump is selling that read Make America Great Again).

That all of this is matter of fact for Mr. Sivan doesn’t prevent it from being radical for the rest of the pop universe, which generally mistakes appropriation for inclusion, and inclusion for visibility.

Mr. Sivan could change all that. In December, he released his full-length debut album, “Blue Neighborhood” (Capitol), full of smoothly rendered light pop-soul with dance music flourishes, music that is far less original than Mr. Sivan is. But it’s quietly effective. Mr. Sivan’s voice is full of soft curves and light fatigue — he’d rather sketch a convincing outline than overwhelm.

On the album, these songs are soothing. At this show, though, he and his band gave them a bit of muscle — the drums hit harder, and Mr. Sivan was an avid salesman. He was an effortless stage presence, moving with a jaunty swagger while remaining warm enough to make eye contact and small talk with individual fans.

Parents lined the wall at the rear of the room, checking their phones and occasionally staring hard at the stage to figure out what was entrancing their children. (This show was the first of two sold-out nights here. The last time he played New York was in November, at Le Poisson Rouge, with less than half the capacity.)

At the end of the night, fans were scrambling to buy merchandise, but some were more proactive, bringing gifts to hand to Mr. Sivan while he was onstage. Midshow, he was talking about how “New York is the single most intimidating place in the world for me” when he was interrupted by a fan reaching out and handing him a homemade scrapbook.

Mr. Sivan grabbed it and began lovingly flipping through the pages. “This is so … a lot,” he said, adding, “I’m going to have glittery hands for weeks, this is amazing.” Then he ran his hands over his face and screamed, “This is a song called ‘Wild!’”

Dear @taylorswift,

With only 19 days until the Sydney shows, I wanted to write to you. I’ve been putting this off for months because I’ve written and discarded a dozen drafts for either been too long for a tumblr post or just not in depth enough.

So I’ll prelude this by saying I’m skipping a fair bit because otherwise we’ll be here all night! With 9 years of personal history with your music, there’s so much that I want to say. So I’m going to write you a hand written letter that I’m hoping I can get to you on the night of Sydney’s 1989 show, which you can tuck away to read in your own time 😺

Right now I’m going to write to you about how the past 2 era’s have impacted me.

Red came out 3 days after my daughter, Mia, was born. It helped keep me awake for the long months of waking every few hours to feed her. I’d put my headphones in at 3am, listen to Red and play candy crush until she was ready to go back to sleep again. I’d listen to the songs about love and stare at her father while he slept next to me and think that my life was absolutely perfect.

Then just less than a year later it all came crashing down. My tumblr is most likely being monitored to bring up whatever dirt can be found so that I can continue to be dragged through family court over custody, so I won’t go into the messy details. But Dear John (while being a Speak Now track rather than Red), is darn accurate in describing the relationship. It’s only been recently that I’ve been able to listen to Dear John without breaking down into tears.

So suddenly all of the sad songs hit me like a train. Literally every single song was relevant to all of the emotions I was feeling. I remember lying on my bathroom floor in a pool of tears and suddenly finding a flicker of humour thinking “look at me, now I’m lying on the cold hard ground” all because I was thinking “I knew he was trouble. I knew it right from the start, why did I get myself into this? Oh look, another Taylor Swift song that accurately describes my life right now”.

It took a while but I would eventually be able to drive around in my car blaring “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” with passion and confidence. I started playing Begin Again on repeat when I fell in love again.

But I didn’t spend enough time with just myself. I rushed into a relationship and I repeated many of the same mistakes that I’d made in the past. But thankfully I figured that out before it was too late.

When 1989 came out, I was finally focusing on myself and what was really important. Every time I was attacked whether it be verbally, emotionally, through solicitors or court proceedings, I could put on Shake it Off and feel a million times better. At 2 years old, it became Mia’s favourite song and we’d dance around the dining room or in the car with it on repeat (she used to get very upset when I’d try to change the song! 😹).

I wept the first time I listened to Clean. For the first month I would sing “12 months sober” instead of 10. I laughed when you sang “we show off our different scarlet letters, trust me mine is better” in New Romantics and would imagine sitting down with you and talking about past experiences and how they got us to where we are today.

But apart from the music, one of the biggest things that has helped me with my own personal growth has been seeing how you have grown in the last few years. It’s been inspiring to see you embracing single life, spending time building up your friendships and supporting other people in their endeavours. As I said earlier, I entered into another relationship too soon after breaking up with Mia’s father. It was wonderful for about a year before things went south and I started realising we weren’t a good fit. I was stubborn for quite a while because I didn’t want to be in another failed relationship. I’m a single mum and that already brings in enough stigma. I wanted to fight it out and hoped that things would change. But it wouldn’t. I was having too much personal growth and didn’t want to lose parts of myself that I had only just found again.

Seeing you happy and accepting that your past was the past and showing that its ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them helped me make the decision I really needed to make. I’m now embracing being single! That has never happened before. And I’m no longer seeking constant approval from anyone in living my life. I’m just living it. You have been and continue to be my role model in working hard to achieve success (I’m a full time psychology student and full time mum) and self made happiness.

I honestly cannot thank you enough for sharing your music with the world. I’ve had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

This post has become longer than I had anticipated but I still missed so much out haha. So I’ll finish by saying that I cannot wait to see you again in Sydney. I haven’t seen you live since The Fearless Tour 5 years ago. And I’m so excited to experience the 1989 tour in real life! I’ll be in section 115, row 44, seat 19!

So until then, please know how Incredibly grateful I am of you, you incredible, wonderful and kind person. I love you so much!

Jaz

😻💙💜💚❤️😺

anonymous asked:

Excuse me why are you unhappy with Tumblr?

Because they changed the post size from 500 pixels to 540 pixels. Because they are stretching and ruining the artwork of thousands of their users. Because my hard work is now literally distorted just because they felt like switching things up. Because they don’t care about their userbase, as we’ve seen time and time again. Because they want to make this a video website to comepte with YouTube even thuog their millions of users have never used this as a YouTube-esque channel, but as a blog. Because I could list a hundred changes that this website could use, a hundred tweaks that have been suggested to the staff over and over again, and yet they continue to make moronic changes that either (a) do not affect the experience of their website in any way whatsoever or (b) affect is so negatively that it stifles our desire to use their website at all. Because the staff is too stubborn to admit their mistakes. Because we have to use browser extensions in order to twist this website to be user-friendly when they have the power to listen to their users and make it user-friendly themselves. Because we are ignored.

Because there’s no reason not to.

You know I love you when…
I want to know your birthday and your parents jobs and if you ever heard them fighting or having sex and if you love your siblings and the worst fight you’ve ever gotten into and if you like one sibling more than the other and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if you’ve been to therapy and if it helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and if you like what you see when you look in the mirror and if you think appearances matter in a relationship or at all and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in god and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and if you’re a feminist and your favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and if you’d rather someone buy you silver or gold jewelry or neither and what clique you were in in high school and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a shitty person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses and what your house looks like and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and the bible and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over, would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you loved the person you lost your virginity to and if you realize you’re remarkable and what your enneagram is and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what you say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when the last time you cried was and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and if you feel pressured to settle down and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and if you believe in therapy and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. just tell me who you are. Because I love you and I want to know everything about you.
~Mardy~
— 

Mardybryant


For more like this follow me at mardybryant.tumblr.com

“i want to know your birthday and your parents jobs and if you ever heard them fighting or having sex and if you love your siblings and the worst fight you’ve ever gotten into and if you like one sibling more than the other and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if you’ve been to therapy and if it helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and if you like what you see when you look in the mirror and if you think appearances matter in a relationship or at all and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in god and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and if you’re a feminist and your favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and if you’d rather someone buy you silver or gold jewelry or neither and what clique you were in in high school and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a shitty person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses and what your house looks like and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and the bible and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over, would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you loved the person you lost your virginity to and if you realize you’re remarkable and what your enneagram is and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what you say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when the last time you cried was and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and if you feel pressured to settle down and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and if you believe in therapy and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. just tell me who you are.”
—I want to know you by @thewastedgeneration

digital sculpture by Kyuin Shim

anonymous asked:

"We will see romance, and it could involve one of our main characters, but they will definitely intersect with existing romances on our show. gradually, we introduce her with another character and they have sparks. They’re dislike sparks, but it’s the beginning of a love story. Guesses anyone?" what do you make of this? short term, long term etc. identity etc.

I’m fairly certain that Enzo will be the revealed love interest in 7x05, based on all of the spoilers and the fact that Enzo is very clearly being set up to drift away from Team Lily since he joined her camp so quickly despite being openly manipulated.

But that moment of sexual tension between Bonnie and Damon changes a lot, imo. That was a moment that lingered, that they spent a solid amount of screentime on. It’s not Damon staring at Bonnie’s ass or gazing after her in a scene, something that is incidental and can be chalked up to Ian’s fanboying.

That moment where their bodies were pressed together against the van was deliberate. The TVD team wants us to imagine them pressed against each other in a less innocent situation. It’s a very common plot device that hints at something very NOT platonic. 

So all that to say, I think that even if Bonnie and Damon seem to be separated at the three year mark now, I am starting to get the feeling that something increasingly and undeniably romantic between them is the impetus for that separation. 

I’m not a huge fan of the idea that Damon sees Bonnie with her new love interest and in a fit of melodramatic pique he throws himself into that coffin to desiccate. Like I think @darwinquark mentioned, the whole “I don’t want to be your friend, if I can’t be your lover” is a DE concept, and I wouldn’t want it to apply to Bamon, where their relationship is now built on a foundation of sincere, powerful friendship that shouldn’t just be thrown away.

Instead, I’m wondering if we might see something more mutual develop over the season, in tandem with the development of the other LI (which, if starting at a point of hate right now, as it would in Enzo’s case with him playing a part in Caroline’s suffering, could feasibly take the full season to unfold after the initial flash forward reveal, and any actual romance needn’t overlap). 

So basically, I’m thinking that we’ll see Bonnie and Damon trying to support each other, getting closer and closer, saving each other, protecting each other, and finding themselves in more and more situations where their bodies are pressed against each other. And while that builds and builds, you also see Enzo’s storyline playing out, where he is on Team Lily right now, and at odds with Bonnie et al. As Enzo starts to understand what a mistake he’s made, I imagine Bonnie could be a catalyst for a lot of those realizations.

So you have Bamon building up and up, to the point of a kiss, or some other major, everything-changes-now type moment. And then, panic. Because this wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t supposed to be so powerful and wonderful, and perfect. He was supposed to be waiting for Elena, she was supposed to be helping him. They decide mutually to part ways, insert 10 million “Almost Lovers” gifsets. Bonnie eventually has her romance with Enzo/etc, and Damon chooses to spend his time in the coffin, since Stefan has Caroline to take care of him, Alaric has his bridesicle (?), and without Bonnie or Elena the next 80 years don’t particularly interest him. 

And while I know a lot of fellow shippers wouldn’t be on board with that, I think it would be a very good thing in the long run. Because those plans to stay apart “for Elena” don’t work. Due to this hunter situation, Stefan wakes Damon up, and none of the unresolved sexual/romantic tension between Bonnie/Damon has been resolved. 

(Also I think the season finale will be the point where the timelines merge, and I’m speculating that we’ll see something happen to Elena’s body that ends Damon’s waiting.)

Which puts us in the perfect spot for the resolution of this whole Bamon journey in season 8, as they navigate their feelings for each other, and the fact that Bonnie is with someone else, etc. 

This got really long. But those are the thoughts rolling around in my head right now. Wild speculation, really, but it fits, I think. (And it would give us lots of good romance for Bonnie this season, including overtly romantic Bamon development even though they wouldn’t be anything “officially” more-than-friends until next season.

anonymous asked:

Could we just have a referendum on repealing Brexit? Like please.

Some bits n’ quotes from The Independent:

When a Remain vote was considered likely in May, Nigel Farage suggested he would support a second referendum if his side lost by a narrow margin.

The Ukip leader told the Mirror: “In a 52-48 referendum this would be unfinished business by a long way. If the Remain campaign win two-thirds to one-third that ends it.”

He made no mention of the sentiment on Friday, when he triumphantly hailed “independence day” for Britain.

Electoral services workers have reported calls from people asking if they could change their decision after Friday’s result became clear, while some publicly admitted they intended to use a “protest vote” in the belief the UK would remain the European Union.

The anxiety – dubbed “Bregret” – emerged as the value of the pound tumbled and the markets crashed, while others felt betrayed by Nigel Farage’s admission that a Vote Leave poster pledging to spend millions of pounds supposedly given to the EU on the NHS was a “mistake”.

These are interesting, aren’t they? The Leave people would have seen a 52/48 loss as an encouragement to keep going. And certainly Bregret is an actual thing that’s happening. But I’ve explained it here why I personally don’t think it’s likely you’ll get a do-over - MPs too scared to put their face on it, possible backlash and accuses of ignoring democracy, long times before it can be discussed and eventually organized, and so on. 

I think the chances of a re-do being possible increase if the economy goes to shit really fast, but also consider that at this point the EU may put their foot down and refuse to consider the idea. France and now even Italy have been calling fopr Cameron to officially request exit at the summit on Tuesday, and Junkers made it clear he wants this to be done with asap. And the thing is, the EU is right; now their duty is to the rest of the EU, and what they have to do is break it off with the UK as soon as they can and turn their attention to making the necessary reform the EU so desperately needs to benefit the countries that are still in, and focus all their forces on preventing a chain reaction.

"It's Complicated" - One Direction Preference

HARRY:

“It’s complicated, Harry,” you said, exasperated. He shoved his hands roughly through his curly brown hair, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, as he paced back and forth across the tiled kitchen floor.  “I just– I don’t understand how this could have happened to us. I hate that we ended up here,” he growled, throwing his hands up in frustration. You could feel your throat clogging as you worked to keep the tears from spilling out of your eyes. “I’m sorry Harry. I’m just so sorry, and I wish I could go back in time, and take that night back. I wish I could go back, and change things. If I could go back, I never would have slept with him.” Your voice cracked, and the unshed tears came streaming down your round cheeks. “I’m just so sorry,” you sobbed. Your stomach was twisted into a million knots, and you felt like you were suffocating under the weight of your mistake. After you and Harry had broken up, you were so hurt, and angry, and you were willing to do anything to ease the pain. Anything if it meant the hurt would go away. And now, four months later, you were burdened with the uncertainty of not knowing who the father of your unborn baby was. You wrapped your arms tight around yourself, trying to control your shaking body. Harry stopped moving, his green eyes appearing dark, and heavy with burden. He squatted down in front of you, placing a strong hand to your cheek, his long fingers stroking your porcelain skin. “Whatever happens,” he said, eyes searching yours, “we’re in this together. I’ve spent too much time missing you. Too much time wishing I could change what happened between us. I’m not going to waste another minute.” He rested his forehead with yours, wiping your tear stained cheeks, before crashing his lips on yours.

ZAYN:

“I’ll be right back. Gotta pee,” you said, giggling with your best friend. You walked up the stairs to the second story floor of your friend’s house. Moving down the hallway, you pretended to be heading toward the bathroom, but instead you snuck into the farthest room, smiling when your eyes landed on Zayn. He sat on his bed, one leg tucked under the other, his sketchpad resting in his lap, a pencil poised in his long fingers. “Hey handsome,” you whispered, startling him out of his concentration. His face lit up at the sight of you standing in his bedroom doorway, one hand resting on your cocked hip. “Hey beautiful,” he hummed, crossing over to you, reaching you in three short strides. He swept you off your feet, spinning you around in his tattooed arms. He kissed you on the cheek, his scruffy beard tickling your skin as you buried your face in his neck. You took in a deep breath, inhaling his familiar scent. He laid you down gently on top of his bed, pressing his body firmly to yours, scattering kisses all along your neck. You dug your fingernails into the back of his faded black t-shirt, desire completely taking over your body. You flipped him over, crawling on top of him, as you swung your hair over one shoulder, placing your lips firmly to his. “I want you so bad,” he said breathless, hands roaming over every inch of your body. “Me too,” you moaned, desperation evident in your voice. “But, you know it’s complicated, Zayn. Your sister, my best friend, is right down stairs, and she–” He sat up, cutting you off midsentence. “She would kill us if she found out. I know,” he sighed, exasperated. His chocolate brown eyes were laced with frustration, as he pushed his hands through his dark hair. “I’m sorry, Zayn,” you said sadly, kissing him one last time, before walking back downstairs.         

NIALL:

You could remember perfectly, the first time you’d met Niall. At the time you had been dating one of his lifelong friends, and you were introduced to him at a party. You hit it off instantly, falling fast and hard. It was an impossible, and complicated kind of love. How could you tell your boyfriend you’d fallen in love with one of his best friends? How could you live with yourself? These were questions you’d asked yourself a hundred times, the answers never becoming any clearer. So, time had passed, your lives had changed, you and your boyfriend broke up, and life became increasingly more complicated. But the one thing that had always remained constant was Niall. He had become so much more than just a friend. He had slowly morphed into a piece of you, something you couldn’t imagine your life without. “I think we should keep us a secret, at least for a little while,” he had said, one lazy afternoon as the two of you sat cuddled together on the sofa. “What?” you tried to hide the hurt in your voice, but your eyes unfailingly gave you away. “No, princess. It’s not what you think. I just don’t want to hurt my best friend.” You nodded, understanding washing over you. “Sometimes I can’t help but wish our relationship didn’t’ have to be so damn complicated,” you huffed, leaning back into his chest, letting him rub the tension from your body with his calloused fingers. “I know, love. Me too.” He kissed you lightly on the cheek, turning your face toward his, locking his topaz eyes with yours he said, “All that matters is that I love ya. The rest is just noise. The rest doesn’t matter to me. As long as I have you, I have everything I could ever want.”  You couldn’t help the grin spreading across your face. Niall had a way of making your heart melt into a puddle in your chest. “I love you Niall Horan,” you breathed, kissing him square on the lips.  

LIAM:

Your relationship had always been complicated. But then again, when was love ever easy? You sat now, wrestling with the feelings running through your body, as you watched Liam enter the church. He took his rightful place at the head of the alter, his hands fidgeting nervously with the seam of his suit pants. He looked more gorgeous than ever, his scruffy beard trimmed down to a minimum, accentuating the sharp lines of his strong jaw. His brown eyes were the color of honey, so soft and enticing, drawing you in without hesitation. It was easy to see the protruding muscles in his biceps, even under the suit jacket he wore. You took in a sharp breath, sitting in the crowd of wedding guests, chewing on your bottom lip. Your stomach instantly dropped as the music floated through the air, the bridal procession filing down the flower-adorned isle. His bride to be was stunning, white gown flowing behind her, making her appear as though she was floating on a cloud as she walked down the isle toward the love of your life. You felt the tears prickling the back of your eyes, threatening to overflow at any moment. You couldn’t be here. Why had you come? How were you supposed to sit by, and watch as the only man you’d ever loved got married to another woman? “If anyone can see why these two should not be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace.” Before you realized what you were doing, you got up and made your way out into the isle, standing before the hundreds of confused guests. “(Y/N)? What are you doing?” Liam’s voice was low, his own emotions evident in his thick accent.      

LOUIS:

You hadn’t intended to fall in love with him, but matters of the heart can be complicated. You felt guilty, dating your best friend’s ex boyfriend, especially when they had only just broken up a few months earlier. In the beginning, you’d tried to ignore the feelings that surfaced for Louis, but it was no use. It had become impossible for you not to fantasize about him. “(Y/N)? You okay, love?” Louis asked, obviously able to see the battle you were waging inside your own head. “Hmm? Oh yeah, I was just thinking, that’s all,” you replied. He smiled, draping one of his strong arms around you, pulling you in closer to him, and placing a kiss softly to your temple. “Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” he asked, positioning him self to look at you, his crystal blue eyes filled with sincerity. You released a heavy sigh before diving into your extensive thoughts. “I feel bad,” you started, “dating you is like a slap in the face to my friend. I feel guilty, being happy with you, her ex boyfriend, when she’s still kind of miserable. It makes me feel like a heartless friend. Like when I’m with you, I’m just rubbing the break up in her face or something.” You felt like you were talking a mile a minute, but it was a relief to finally rid yourself of the guilt you’d been lugging around for the past month. “I had no idea you were feeling all of this,” Louis said apologetically, pressing his lips tenderly to your forehead. “Wanna know what I think?” he asked, taking your hand in his, running his thumb along your smooth skin. You smiled, and he continued, “I think, we shouldn’t have to apologize for being happy together. And believe me when I say, I’m so happy.” With that his lips found yours, instantly easing your tension.