Anxiety - Derek Luh imagine
Summary: Y/n is sick and tired of Derek’s constant high and she’s determined to get to the bottom of it.
“No I’m not coming tonight I don’t feel like being in that environment tonight.”
“What are you even talking about. You my lady I need you at my show.”
“Nahh you don’t need me at your show. All you need is a little liquor and some weed and you won’t even notice I’m not there. Now if you’ll excuse me.-”
“I ain’t excusing shit, you better not hang up on me.”
“Bye Derek!” I say ending the call.
Delany just walked into the room with two cups of tea and putting one in front of me.
“What was that about?” She asks while sitting next to me.“ At the Same moment my phone goes off and I see it’s Derek again. I send him to voicemail.
“it’s hard being with Derek.” I say sighing and putting my phone away.
“I know he can be a handful.” She says laughing and I shake my head while trying to keep the tears from falling.
“Y/n what’s wrong?” Delany asks me worriedly and I shake my head again.
“No, no I know you don’t like to interfere with me and Derek’s relationship I respect that.”
“Well you’re obviously really upset. Just tell me what’s wrong Y/n.” Now it all becomes too much and I burst in tears.
“I don’t know what to do Delany. I love him so much but I just don’t feel happy with him like I used to.”
“I know it isn’t my place to nag about this because I knew exactly what I signed up for when I started dating him but it’s all just so much.”
“I just.- When me and him are together and just laying in bed talking laughing… I feel like we’re the same person. I’m the happiest then because I have him with me and I feel loved and… I always try to keep him in bed as long as possible because I know when he wakes up the first thing he’ll do is smoke and then everything changes.”
“I never knew you had a problem with his smoking.”
“Because at first I didn’t. But now we’ve been together for three years and I can see a future with him. I can picture marrying him and having his children but this weed addiction is always gonna stand in the way of that.”
“Why do you think that though? I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
“Okay I don’t mean to offend you or your brother in any way but right now he’s not fit to be a father. ”
“What? Derek loves kids!”
“I know he does but it takes a little bit more than that to raise kids. He has to actually care. And you can say whatever you want but he doesn’t care about anything when he’s high, which is like a good 80 percent of the day.” I spit out and Delany looks at me and shakes her head.
“I get where you’re coming from but you’re wrong saying he doesn’t care about anything. He’s the most loving person I know. No one on this earth loves me as much as he loves me. And I know he loves you too. He’d never want you to feel this way.”
“I don’t know what to do. I want us to grow together and it just seems like we’re staying in the same place.”
“I’ll talk to him okay.” Delany says while holding onto my hand.
“No, no it’s okay really.”
“It’s not okay. I want that for my brother Y/n I want him to have a family and be happy and he can’t lose you. I won’t let him.” She says and pulls me into an embrace.
“Thank you for caring.” I whisper in the crook of her neck.
“I’ll always care Y/n. You’re my family.”
“Lil sis! I’m glad you could make it out here!” Derek says with a smile while embracing me.
“Of course D. You know I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I gotta go smoke before I go on but I’ll speak to you after aight?”
“Yeah, sure.” I say while hugging him tight.
“Good luck out there. I’m proud of you.” I whisper in his ear earning a smile that warms my heart. I go backstage and help the boys set up the merchandise for the fans to buy before and after the show.
After the show
“You did great D!” I say and he takes me into his embrace.
“Ew, you’re all sweaty” I say laughing and he laughs too while wrapping his arms around me tighter.
“Thanks Lil sis” he says while letting go of me. Kevin creeps up in him and pushes him hard causing him to stumble.
“You did it man!” He yells loudly and all of the other guys huddle together and start pushing eachother. I know that’s how they show love so I just laugh and step back.
“I’ll be handling your merch while you take pictures aight? I’ll meet you backstage after.”
“Aight Lil sis, see you in a bit.
"Things are changing man.” He sighs and takes a sip of the liquor in his cup. With his other hand he’s texting and by the look on his face I know it’s Y/n.
“Are you texting Y/n? I ask and he nods.”
“We been fighting a lot lately.”
“She told me how she felt about you today.” I say and he looks up at me while putting his phone in his pocket.
“I don’t think she can handle the lifestyle Derek. She’s really trying but she’s talking about you being distant because of the weed.”
He sighs and runs his hand trough his hair.
“I mean I don’t wanna be high all the time anymore. I know it bothers her and I don’t wanna do that to her but without the drugs… I don’t even know who I am man. I only feel like myself when I’m high off my ass and I don’t know if that’s what I want anymore.” He answers closing his eyes and leaning back on the couch. I take his hand in mine.
“Derek you should do what makes you happy.”
“FUCK Delany I don’t know what makes me happy!” He says and takes his hand out of mines.
“Sorry it’s just…”
“I get it Derek, but let me just be upfront with you. Y/n is the real thing. I’m telling you, you’re not going to meet a girl that’s down for you like she is. She genuinely cares for you and it hurts her to see you like this. Shit, it hurts me to see you like this. You have this amazing life and these amazing fans and it’s like you’re always too intoxicated to realize it.”
“Shit’s just harder when I’m sober.” He answers with a raspy voice and a tear slips down his cheek. Derek is never the one to get emotional the only person who really gets to see him like this is me. I don’t even think he trusts Y/n enough to be this vulnerable around and that’s a real problem. All I want is for my brother to be happy but he’s making it so hard on himself. I wipe his tears away with my thumb and take him in my arms just comforting him.
“I know it is. These are just things you need to overcome but you will. Just know I love you and I’m always here for you and so is Y/n. Let her in. She’s the one Derek ”
“I know she is. But all the people I’ve let in stabbed me in the back.”
“Sometimes you just gotta take a leap of faith brother.”
“Y/n!” I yell while walking into our apartment. When she doesn’t answer I walk over to our shared bedroom.
“C'mon Y//n. I know you not really asleep.” I say with a smirk on my face.
“Aight you wanna just ignore me?” I ask. Still nothing. I walk over her and start leaving kisses on her cheeks to the crook of her neck.. still nothing. I smirk and blow cold air into her ear and she flinches and starts giggling.
“Derek!” ex yells while pushing me. And I start laughing too.
“You know better than to fool me.” She lifts her head from her pillow and looks me in the eyes.
“You’re sober.” She says surprised and I grin.
“Can you please cuddle me?” She asks pouting and I don’t have to think twice before taking off my clothes and getting into bed with her.
It stays quiets between us as I wrap my arms around Y/n and letting my hands rest on her ass. I squeeze it hard making her giggle again.
“How was your show?”
“It was good. The whole thing was packed and the fans were really turnt.”
“I’m sorry I missed it.” She mumbles softly and pecks my chest.
“Nah that’s okay. What’s on your mind though babygirl?”
“Lately I’ve just been thinking. About us and what I want in life.”
“And what’s that?”
“It’s you Derek. It’ll always be you.” She whispers and nuzzles her face into my chest.
“But I also want children. And I want to get married, live in a big ole house with you, our kids and eight dogs." She says and I grin.
"I know you do. And I promise you I’ll give you all that and more.”
“I don’t know if that’s even possible. I don’t know if I could still be with you and have your children when you’re always coming in late and when you are you’re high off your ass. And I know how hard you work to provide for me and our future but I can’t help but feel I’m losing you.”
“You’re not losing me babe.”
“I know but I can’t help but feeling like you don’t care. Like you’re trying to escape me by getting high.”
“Nah that’s not it babygirl. Trust me, I care. I care so much I can’t even think straight cause all I do is worry. And then my worry turns into fear. And after that It just becomes paranoia.” I softly answer. I hear Y/n’s breath getting heavy and and she puts a hand against my cheek.
“Baby look at me.” I look her in the eyes and I can see her eyes getting glossy with tears.
“Do you suffer from anxiety?” She asks me and I close my eyes.
“Please baby, can you please just look at me?” She repeats herself and when I do I can’t stop the tears from falling either. I don’t have to answer her, when I look her in the eyes I know she knows. She wraps her arms around me tighter and now takes me into her embrace, us crying together
“Why didn’t you ever tell me D? I wouldn’t have let you dealt with this alone. I would have been there.”
“I just have trouble opening up to people you know this.”
“Yeah I do but I thought you trusted me.”
“I didn’t want you to lose trust in me. I don’t want you to worry about me relapsing or anything like that.”
“Derek I’ve never doubted you. I know the last thing you want is to go back to that place and you need to find help before you do.” I shake my head. This is what I was scared of.
“I can’t do that. If they give me medication I’ll just become addicted to the drugs. I’m self medicating, and it’s working.”
Y/n sighs and places a kiss on my temple.
“I love you.” She whispers and rubs her thumb on the back of my hand.
“I love you too.” I say lacing my fingers through her.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do to fix it, but I promise you I will. I just need you to be a little bit patient with me baby.” I whisper.
“I promise I’ll be there. Please just don’t shut me out anymore. I’d never leave you Derek you’re stuck with me.” She says chuckling which causes me to laugh.
“Aight.” I answer while Y/n moves over to straddle while grabbing my cheeks with both hands.
“I luhhh you.” Y/n whispers in my ear making me chuckle and grab her by her waist, running my hands up and down her sides before letting them rest on her ass.
“You really are my down chick ain’t you?” I ask smiling up at her and she grins.
“I gotchu.” She answers and wraps her arms around my neck pulling me into a tight embrace.
A/N: So this is my very first Derek Luh imagine ever so I’m still getting to know his character. Please let me know what you thought about it and if you liked it olease give it a heart and reblog.
ALSO I’M TAKING REQUESTS!