Sometimes it’s necessary to check and make sure that you yourself have both feet planted on the ground; that you are secure. Are you genuinely happy? Healthy? Do you have a well balanced state of mind? Life can be both exciting, demanding, and draining; thus, it’s important that you are taken care of and ready to take on everything that it has to offer to you.
Many of you already know that on Thursday my oldest dog, Mikey, suddenly collapsed and began gasping for breath. I rushed him to our vet but unfortunately there was nothing they could do for him. It was simply the end of a long and full life…
I first met Mikey when he was 7 years old; he was underweight, physically scarred and completely petrified of strangers. He’d been badly mistreat his entire life, that was until my parents adopted him. Since then he’s spent 8 wonderful years with us, during which he beat cancer twice, overcame the majority of his
issues, and most importantly made us soincrediblyhappy. All dogs are special, but Mikey was something else; he was genuinely his own little person, and no matter how badly he’d been treat in the past… he was always so affectionate and so happy. He was and will always be, my bestfriend.
I miss him very much.
His passing has greatly affected me. I’ve barely left the house and even the smallest reminder of him makes me well up. I’ve been in a very fragile and emotional state, and as a result I’m taking a step back from this blog. I adore this community and everything it stands for, but there are people out there who haven’t always been kind to me, and in my current state of mind… It isn’t healthy for me to be here right now.
I don’t know when I’ll be back. It might be a few days, it might be a few weeks. But I just need a break, some time to deal. I’ll still be here checking up on you all, probably answering some non-anon asks and old wcifs. I hope you understand.
I also want to thank everyone that sent me asks and messages asking about Mikey and his well being, I just wish I could’ve brought happier news, for us all.
As part of one of my New Year’s resolutions - it was to learn new words to add to my vocabulary and I’ve compiled a list thus far (it’s about 350+ words compiled in a list as of original post date [01/12/2016]) of all the words that I found simply and absolutely beautiful, fascinating yet familiar, different (as in, not in the English language; words that have no English translation), colloquial, uncommon, archaic, obsolete - just flat-out distinctive than what we normally use in today’s context and such.
Abibliophobia (n.) - The fear of running out of reading material.
Abditory (n.) - A place into which you can disappear; a hiding place.
Abendrot (n.) - The color of the sky while the sun is setting.
Accismus (n.) - Feigning disinterest in something while actually desiring it.
Adoxography (n.) - Beautiful writing on a subject of little or no importance.
Agelast (n.) - Someone who never laughs.
Ailurophile (n.) - A cat-lover.
Aleatory (adj.) - Relying on chance or an uncontrolled element in the details of life or in the creation of art.
Alethiology (n.) - The study of truth.
Alexithymia (n.) - Inability to describe emotions verbally.
Ambulant (adj.) - Moving from place to place.
Ambulate (v.) - To walk about or move from place to place.
Anacampserote (n.) - Something that can bring back a lost love.
Anagnorisis (n.) - The critical moment of recognition or discovery.
Anecdoche (n.) - A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening.
Anhimmeln (v.) - To be enraptured by someone (literally, as if looking at the sky).
Anoesis (n.) - A state of mind consisting of pure sensation of emotion without cognitive content.
Apanthropinization (n.) - The resignation of human concerns; withdrawal from the world and its problems.
Apodyopsis (n.) - The act of mental undressing someone.
Appetence (n.) - An eager desire, an indistinct inclination; an attraction or a natural bond.
Apricity (n.) - The warmth of the sun in winter.
Arcadian (adj.)- Idyllically innocent; simple and untroubled by fear or worry.
Assemblage (n.) - A gathering.
Asterisms (n.) - “Marking with stars”; a word that gives weight or draws attention to the words that follow; related to asterism, a constellation or a starlike figure of light.
Astrophile (n.) - A person who loves stars, astronomy.
Atelophobia (n.) - The fear of imperfection; the fear of never being good enough.
Athazagoraphobia (n.) - The fear of being forgotten or ignored.
Aubade (n.) - A poem or song greeting the dawn.
Aurora (n.) - Dawn.
Autophile (n.) - A person who loves solitude, being alone.
Autophobia (n.) - The fear of oneself or being alone.
Axiomatic (adj.) - Self-evident; obvious.
Backpfeifengesicht (n.) - A person who needs to be slapped; lit. “a face that needs a fist in it”.
Balter (v.) - To dance gracelessly, without particular art or skill, but perhaps with some enjoyment.
Basorexia (n.) - The overwhelming desire to kiss.
Becoming (adj.) - Attractive.
Bedash (v.) - To dash or spatter something all over.
Beleaguer (v.) - To exhaust with attacks.
Bel-espirt/beaux-esprits (n.) - A person of great wit or intellect.
Billet-doux (n.) - A love letter.
Blatherskite (n.) - A person given to voluble, empty talk.
Bletting (n.) - The ripening of fruit until the desired degree of softness is attained.
Bohemian (n.) - Gypsy, wanderer; a person, musician, artist or writer who lives a free spirited life and believes in truth, freedom, and love.
Boketto (v.) - The act of gazing vacantly into the distance without thinking.
Bolide (n.) - A large, brilliant meteor, especially one that explodes.
Bombinate (v.) - To make a humming or buzzing noise.
Borborygmi (n.) - The rumbling sounds your stomach makes.
Brontide (n.) - The low rumble of distant thunder.
Brood (v.) - To think alone.
Brumous (adj.) - Of grey skies and winter days; filled with heavy clouds or fog; relating to winter or cold, sunless weather.
Bucolic (adj.) - In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow (n.) - A small, cozy cottage.
Caim (n.) - “Sanctuary”; an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, to remind one of being safe and loved, even in the darkest of times.
Camarilla (n.) - Small group of people with a shared purpose.
Carriwitchet (n.) - A pun or a paradox; a riddling question.
Catharsis (n.) - The purging or release of emotional tensions, especially through kinds of art or music.
Cavil (v.) - To raise irritating and trivial objections; find fault with unnecessarily.
Cavil riscaldati (v.) - lit. “reheated cabbage”; the attempt to revive a long-finished love affair.
Ceraunophile (n.) - A person who loves lightning and thunder.
Charientism (n.) - An artfully veiled insult.
Chatoyant (adj.) - Like a cat’s eye.
Chimerical (adj.) - merely imaginary; fanciful.
Chrysalism (n.) - The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.
Claptrap (n.) - Pretentious but insincere or empty.
Clinomania (n.) - Excessive desire to stay in bed.
Clinophile (n.) - The lover of reclining, lying in bed.
Clinquant (adj.) - glittering; tinsel-like.
Cogitation (n.) Concerted thought or reflection.
Comely (adj.) - Attractive.
Commuovere (v.) - To stir, to touch, to move to tears.
Conflate (v.) - To blend together.
Consanguinity (n.) - Close relationship or connection.
Contiguous (adj.) - Touching; in contact.
Corrachag-cagail (n.) - Dancing and flickering ember flames.
Crapehanger (n.) - A person who sees the gloomy side of things.
Cynophile (n.) - A person who loves canines; a dog lover.
Cynosure (n.) - A focal point of admiration.
Dactylogram (n.) - A fingerprint.
Dalliance (n.) - A brief love affair.
Dappy (adj.) - Silly, disorganized or lacking concentration.
Deipnosophist (n.) - A person who is an adept conversationalist at the table.
Demesne (n.) - Dominion, territory.
Demure (adj.) - Shy and reserved.
Denouement (n.) - The resolution of a mystery.
Desideratum (n.) - An ardent longing, as for something lost.
Desuetude (n.) - Disuse.
Desultory (adj.) - Slow, sluggish; lacking a plan, purpose or enthusiasm.
Diaphanous (adj.) - Filmy; light, delicate, and translucent.
Dirl (v.) - To thrill, to vibrate, to penetrate; to tremble or quiver.
Dissemble (v.) - Deceive; concealing a feeling, motive or intention.
Dormiveglia (n.) - The space that stretches between sleeping and waking.
Drapetomania (n.) - An overwhelming urge to run away.
Duende (n.) - The mysterious power of art to deeply move a person.
Dulcet (adj.) - Sweet, sugary.
Dulcify (v.) - To make more agreeable; mollify; also, to sweeten.
Ebullience (n.) - Bubbling enthusiasm.
Eccedentesiast (n.) - Someone who only pretends to smile.
Ectopic (adj.) - Occurring in an abnormal position or place; displaced.
Eesome (adj.) - Pleasing to the eye.
Effervescent (adj.) - Bubbly.
Effloresce (v.) - To burst into bloom; blossom.
Efflorescence (v.) - Flowering, blooming.
Eigengrau (n.) - “dark light” or “brain grey”; the color seen by the eye in perfect darkness.
Elision (n.) - Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir (n.) - A good potion.
Eloquence (n.) - Beauty and persuasion in speech; the art of using language in an apt, fluent way.
Elysian (adj.) - Beautiful or creative; divinely inspired, peaceful and perfect.
Embrocation (n.) - Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient (adj.) - A softener.
Énouement (n.) - The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.
Entelechy (n.) - The realization of potential.
Environs (n.) - The surrounding parts or districts, as of a city.
Ephemeral (adj.) - Short-lived.
Epiphany (n.) - A moment of sudden revelation.
Equanimity (n.) - Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
Eremophobia (n.) - The deep free of stillness, solitude or deserted places.
Erstwhile (adj.) - At one time, for a time.
Esoteric (adj.) - Intended for or likely to be understood by only a selected few who have special knowledge or interest; private, secret, confidential, belonging to the select few.
Ethereal (adj.) - Gaseous, invisible but detectable; extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world.
Ethos (n.) - The fundamental character or spirit of a culture.
Eudaemonia (n.) - lit. “Human flourishing”; a contented state of being happy and healthy and prosperous.
Euneirophrenia (n.) - The peace of mind that comes from having pleasant dreams.
Euphonious (adj.) - pleasing; sweet in sound.
Eunoia (n.) - Beautiful thinking; a well mind.
Eutony (n.) - The pleasantness of a word’s sound.
Evanescent (adj.) - Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative (adj.) - Suggestive; bringing strong images, memories or feelings to mind.
Exulansis (n.) - The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
Fallacy (n.) - A deceptive, misleading or false notion, belief, etc.
Felicity (n.) - Pleasantness.
Fernweh (n.) - A crave for travel; being homesick for a place you’ve never been.
Fetching (adj.) - Pretty.
Filipendulous (adj.) - Hanging by a thread.
Feuillemort (n.) - The color of a dying or fading leaf.
Flâneur (n.) - One who strolls around aimlessly but enjoyably, observing life and its surroundings.
Floccinaucinihilipilification (n.) - The act of deciding that something is useless.
Forbearance (n.) - Withholding response to provocation.
Foofaraw (n.) - A great fuss or disturbance about something very insignificant.
Frisson (n.) - A shiver of pleasure.
Fugacious (adj.) - Fleeting.
Furtive (adj.) - Shifty, sneaky.
Fusty (adj.) - Old-fashioned or out-of-date.
Gallivant (v.) - Go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment.
Gambol (v.) - To skip or leap about joyfully.
Garboil (n.) - Confusion.
Gerful (adj.) - Wild and wayward.
Gezellig (adj.) - cozy, nice, inviting, pleasant, comfortable; connoting time spent with loved ones or togetherness after a long separation.
Glamour (n.) - Beauty.
Gleed (n.) - A glowing coal.
Gloaming (n.) - Twilight; dusk.
Gossamer (n.) - The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk.
Growlery (n) - A place of refuge or sanctuary for use while one is out of sorts or in an ill humor.
Gumesservi (n.) - Moonlight shining on water.
Habseligkeiten (n.) - Things that an adult might find worthless, but that a child regards as treasures.
Halcyon (adj./n.) - Happy, sunny, care-free; denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.
Haimish (adj.) - Homey; cozy and unpretentious.
Hamartia (n.) - A tragic or fatal flaw.
Harbinger (n.) - Messenger with news of the future.
Hidebound (adj.) - Narrow and rigid in opinion; inflexible.
Higgledy-piggledy (adv.) - In a jumbled, confused or disorderly manner; helter-skelter.
Hikikomori (n.) - An adolescent or a young adult who has withdrawn from social life, often obsess with television, internet and video games, and rarely ever leave’s one’s room.
Hiraeth (n.) - A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.
Hornswoggle (v.) - To swindle, cheat, hoodwink or hoax.
Ikigai (n.) - A reason for being; the thing that gets you up in the morning.
Imbrication (n.) - Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio (n.) - An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue (v.) - To infuse, instill.
Immolate (v.) - To sacrifice; kill as a sacrificial victim, especially by burning; to destroy by fire.
Incipient (adj.) - Beginning, in an early stage.
Indwell (v.) - Be permanently present in (someone’s soul or mind)
Ineffable (adj.) - Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue (n.) - A naïve young woman.
Inglenook (n.) - A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance (n.) - Blithe nonchalance.
Inure (v.) - To become jaded.
Irenic (adj.) - Promoting peace.
Jayus (n.) - A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.
Jouska (n.) - A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.
Kakorrhaphiophobia (n.) - The fear of failure.
Kalopsia (n.) - The delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.
Kintsukuroi (n)(v. phr.) - “To repair with gold”; the art of repairing pottery with fold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
Kittle (adj.) - Difficult to deal with; prone to erratic behavior.
Komorebi (n.) - Sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees.
L’esprit de l’escalier (n.) - lit. “the spirit of the staircase”; the feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said.
Labyrinthine (adj.) - Twisting and turning.
Lachesism (n.) - The desire to be struck by disaster; to survive a plane crash or to lose everything in a fire.
Lagniappe (n.) - A special kind of gift.
Languor (n.) - Listlessness, inactivity.
Lagom (adj.) - Not too little, not too much; just right.
Lalochezia (n.) - The emotional relief gained from using abusive or profane language.
Lassitude (n.) - Weariness, listlessness.
Lethologica (n.) - When you think of something but the word for it escapes you.
Liberosis (n.) - The desire to care less about things.
Lilt (v.) - To move musically or lively.
Limerence (n.) - The state of being infatuated with another person.
Lissome (adj.) - Slender and graceful.
Lisztomania (n.) - A need to listen to music all the time.
Lithe (adj.) - Slender and flexible.
Logastellus (n.) - A person whose love of words is greater than their knowledge for words.
Logophile (n.) - a person who loves words.
Lorn (adj.) - Lost, ruined or undone.
Louring (adj./v.) - darkened by clouds; looking angry or sullen.
Love (n/v.) - Deep affection.
Lucent (adj.) - Softly bright or radiant.
Malinger (v.) - To pretend illness, especially in order to shrink one’s duty, avoid work, etc.
Mamihlapinatapei (n.) - the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start.
Maudlin (adj.) - Foolishly sentimental.
Maw (n.) - The symbolic or theoretical center of a voracious hunger or appetite of any kind.
Meara (n.) - The Irish word for “sea”.
Mellifluous (adj.) - Sweet sounding.
Melomaniac (n.) - One who is passionate about music.
Meraki (v.) - To do something with soul, creativity or love; when you leave a piece of yourself in your work.
Metanoia (n)- The journey of changing ones mind, heart, self or way of life.
Micawber (n.) - An eternal optimist.
Minacious (adj.) - Menacing; threatening.
Mirifica (adj.) - Amazing, wondrous; working wonders.
Misology (n.) - Distrust or hatred of reason or reasoning.
Misonesim (n.) - Hatred or dislike of what is new or represents change.
Mizpan (n.) - The deep emotional bond between people, especially those separated by distance or death.
Moiety (n.) - One of two equal parts; a half; a small part.
Monachopsis (n.) - The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.
Mondegreen (n.) - A slip of the ear.
Moonstruck (adj.) - unable to think or act normally, especially because of being in love.
Morosis (n.) - The stupidest of stupidities.
Murmurous (adj.) - Murmuring.
Myötähäpeä (n.) - The feeling of shame you experience on the behalf of another person or a character when they do something stupid or embarrassing.
Natsukashii (adj.) - Of some small thing that brings you suddenly, joyously back to fond memories, not with a wistful longing for what’s past, but with an appreciation of the good times.
Nelipot (n.) - One who walks barefoot
Nemesis (n.) - An unconquerable archenemy.
Nemophilist (n.) - A haunter of the woods; one who love the forest and its beauty and solitude.
Neologize (v.) - To make or use new words or create new meanings for existing words.
Nepenthe (n.) - Something that can make you forget grief or suffering.
Nephelolater (n.) - Somebody who admires the passing clouds.
Niveous (adj.) - Resembling snow.
Nodus Tollens (n.) - The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.
Nostalgia (n.) - A bittersweet longing for things, persons or situations of the past.
Novaturient (adj.) - Desiring or seeking powerful change in one’s life, behavior or situation.
Numinous (adj.) - Describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted — the powerful, personal feeling of being overwhelmed and inspired.
Nyctophile (n.) - A person who loves night, darkness.
Nyctophilia (n.) - Love of darkness or night, finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness.
Obfuscate (v.) - To confuse or bewilder; to render obscure, unclear or intelligible; to darken.
Oeillade (n.) - an amorous glance; ogle.
Offing (n.) - The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Oneirataxia (n.) - The inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
Onism (n.) - The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.
Onomatopoeia (n.) - A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opia (n.) - The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
Opulent (adj.) - Lush, luxuriant.
Oriflamme (n.) - A symbol or standard that inspires condense, devotion or courage.
Orphic (adj.) - Mysterious and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding.
Otiose (adj.) - Being at leisure; idle; indolent.
Palimpsest (n.) - A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea (n.) - A solution for all problems.
Pandiculation (n.) - An all-over stretching and yawning, as upon waking or going to bed.
Panoply (n.) - A complete set.
Parageusia (n.) - An abnormal or hallucinatory sense of taste.
Pastiche (n/v.)- An art work combining materials from various sources.
Peart (adj.) - Lively; cheerful.
Penultimate (adj.) - Next to the last.
Penumbra (n.) - A half-shadow.
Peripeteia (n.) - A sudden or unexpected reversal of circumstances; the point of no return.
Persnickety (adj.) - Placing too much emphasis on trivial or minor details; fussy.
Perspicuous (n.) - Clearly expressed or presented; lucid.
Petrichor (n.) - The pleasant smell of earth after rain.
Pettifogging (adj.) - Insignificant; petty.
Phatic (adj.) - Denoting speech used to express or create an atmosphere of shared feeling, goodwill or sociability rather than to convey information.
Philocalist (n.) - A lover of beauty; someone who finds and appreciates beauty in all things.
Philonoist (n.) - One who seeks knowledge.
Philophobia (n.) - The fear of falling in love.
Phosphenes (n.) - The stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes.
Photophile (n.) - A person who loves light.
Pisanthrophobia (n.) - Fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad.
Pistoriophile (n.) - A lover of baking, baked goods.
Pluvial (adj.) - Of or pertaining to rain; rainy.
Pluviophile (n.) - A lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.
Pontificate (n.) - To express one’s opinions in a way considered annoyingly pompous or dogmatic; (in the Roman Catholic Church) to officiate as a bishop.
Vellichor (n.) - The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.
Vestigial (adj.) - In trace amounts.
Viridescent (adj.) - Slightly green; greenish.
Vorfreude (n.) - The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures.
Wafture (n.) - Waving.
Wallflower (n.) - A person who because of shyness, unpopularity or lack of a partner, remains at the side at a part or dance; any person that remains on or has been forced to the sidelines of any activity.
Wherewithal (n.) - The means.
Williwaw (n.) - A violent squall that blows in near-polar latitudes.
Wisenheimer (n.) - A wisecrack or smart aleck.
Withershins (adv.) - Counterclockwise; in a direction contrary to the natural one.
Woebegone (adj.) - Sorrowful, downcast.
Ya’aburnee (n.) - lit “you bury me”; a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.
Yūgen (n.) - An awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses too deep and mysterious for words.
I’m going to do my best to update this as best as I can for the rest of the year and use these words in daily conversations and my vernacular in general. They’ll be mainly used for when I reflect back on things (aka colloquies from the balcony) and for my daily journal entries for this page.
P.S. Sorry if there are some typos or words that are out of order alphabetically; autocorrect tends to best me without me noticing.
mental illness isn’t cute, anxiety isn’t cute, ava is not currently in a healthy state of mind whatsoever. “aww angry fire baby is calm now uwu” like feel however you feel, but it’s backwards to adore ava’s illness and attack maggie for having legitimate hatred for someone who hurt her
Genre: A/U, Angst, Violence, Fluff, Romance, more in the future.
Pairing: Yixing x Reader
Word Count: 7K
AN: I’m cutting it up into two parts because it got pretty long. Next part will be out before NEXT Thursday, not this one. This one is a bit early. Feel free to tell me your thoughts and thank you all for reading once again!
• Did you sleep well last night?
• Have you had a good, balanced meal recently?
• Have you talked/written down your emotions?
• Have you had a conversation with a friend?
• Are you practicing gratitude?
• Do you need to see your therapist soon?
• Are you taking your meds?
• Do you feel healthy?
• Is there anything you can do today to help your state of mind?
• Is there something bothering you?
Request: You are a 9 tailed fox and Chanyeol is a wolf, you two fall in love even though it’s forbidden, Chanyeol insists on you meeting the boys because he thinks you can fool them, but Suho notices and tells you to leave Chanyeol, you do because you don’t want to endanger him, but then later find out that you’re pregnant. angsty/happy ending
Genre: Fluff/Angst ; Smut
a healthy state of mind, characterised by self-control, moderation, and a deep awareness of ones true self, resulting in true happiness
You were currently cuddled up with your boyfriend, Chanyeol, on your bed. His fingers brushing softly through your hair while his other arm is wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly against his warm body. He smiles at you lovingly, the dimple on his cheek making its presence known. Out of habit you lift your hand up and poke his dimple with your forefinger.
'Stooop,’ Chanyeol whines like a little kid, sticking his plump lower lip out. You let out a little giggle and give him a quick peck on the lips. You caught him by surprise, causing a huge smile to break out onto his face. ‘I love you,’ he says, softly.
a rogue ask: how would you you rank Graham's albums, and what specifically about each is it that makes you like it to such an extent?
AKL:HGSDHGSDHG:DS YES THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK OMG!!!!! :D
THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY HARD CAUSE THE TOP 3 ARE KINDA EQUAL IN MY MIND BUT…
The Spinning Top (2009) I think that the last three albums Graham has made have each shown incredible growth in his songwriting and each master a facet of his style as a musician, so it is hard for me to rank them. But I think The Spinning Top stands alone for how ambitious it was but musically and conceptually. It is a true masterpiece that shows Graham’s incredible technical skills as a guitar player (and his willingness to push himself to master a style of playing that he had always felt intimidated by). The thing I love most about this album is that it shows Graham pushing into unfamiliar territory in every way and yet it feels effortless and entirely him. The acoustic songs are lovely, heartbreaking, and nuanced, they grow more beautiful the more you listen to them. The songs that are electric are examples of Graham’s innovative and unique sound. “Dead Bees”, “If You Want Me”, and “Humble Man” all fit the tone of the albums folk/blues influence, but take it to an abrasive and expressive place. “Tripping Over” is one of the most emotional songs Graham has written, a stunning example of his ability to transform complex feelings into sound. Knowing where Graham was while writing this album, it is evident that it is the sound of him finding the confidence to do something undeniably extraordinary. His songwriting is at its best and the songs reflect his maturity, self-reflection, and vulnerability. The album’s concept is a man’s life from birth to death and the struggle to find your way home, and every song hits the mark emotionally. He shows that he is a man who has lived that struggle and come out the other side, aware of what there is at stake and determined to hold on and find peace. It is a truly special album.
A+E (2012) There could not be a better follow-up to The Spinning Top than A+E, which is the complete opposite in every way. The industrial, krautrock sound is as far away from the delicate songs of the previous album as you can get. But like The Spinning Top, the songs follow a loose narrative that helps the album come together conceptually. An endless night out in an unfamiliar place, violence and perversion lie beneath the surface. Graham’s wit and existential angst give the darker songs a sense of humor and ground the album in his own personal experience. One of the best moments on the album are the final minute or so of “What’ll It Take” where Graham screams repeatedly into the void “WHAT’S WRONG WITH MEEEEEE!??!?!?!?” While he has figured a lot of his shit out, he is still the boy he has always been. “Running For Your Life” recalls the early days of Blur, performing in the north where people would yell “GET THE FUCK BACK DOWN THE M1!″ The lyric “we don’t like your accent or your Northampton shoes/get back down the M1 cause we don’t like you” is one of the most Graham lyrics ever. The album ends in the glaring sunlight with bluesy “Ooh, Yeh Yeh”, inspired by an encounter with a friend one Sunday morning who had been out all night and was really not doing good. It is a perfect ending to the album. The sound of the whole album is sophisticated, layered, grungy, dusty old synths and light reflected in dirty wet asphalt.
Love Travels At Illegal Speeds (2006) LTAIS is Graham’s “sound” in its most refined and mature form. It is the first of his albums that holds a loose concept, exploring the loss of love and the fear of risking that heartache again and again. The songs are lyrically much stronger than his previous albums and really reflect inwardly on his personal struggle to find and change the parts of himself that get in the way of healthy relationships. The songs “Just A State of Mind” and “I Don’t Believe Anything I Say” ask a lot of tough questions about his own hypocrisy and fear in relationships. The line “just be happy, you are strong now, it’s so lonely to love someone” is at the core of most of the songs. The album addresses old wounds and new hopes with great maturity. The thread of sexual frustration that runs through the album is cheeky and playful. “See A Better Day” ends the album in a hopeful place, with a new relationship and the potential to find happiness.
Happiness in Magazines (2004) While I believe LTAIS is a better album, I personally love Happiness in Magazines a bit more. It is charmingly odd, witty, and fresh. The first album Graham made after leaving Blur, it shows a real dedication to showing himself as a confident and professional musician. Produced by Stephen Street, it is the first that Graham didn’t self-produce and it allows the songs to really shine. The album is packed with potential singles that show different facets of Graham’s sound. For me it is the most representative of what I think of when I think of Graham’s solo work and I love that it is a bit unrefined and quirky. It maintains some of the roughness of his early solo work, but it is sophisticated as well.
The Kiss of Morning (2002) The Kiss of Morning and Crow Sit on Blood Tree are the two underrated gems in Graham’s catalog. Most of this album was written when Graham was in rehab and it is full of hurt, guilt, and tremendous vulnerability. “Bitter Tears” opens the album strong, it is one of Graham’s best, and it lays the ground for the rest of the album. I love it because, though it is incredibly honest and vulnerable, it shows a determination to move forward and it is full of pain but also strength. The album pretty much builds off of that foundation, it explores many different avenues of pain and guilt, but never loses that determination. Graham explores more of a blues/country sound that is appropriate given the subject matter. His songwriting shows growth and maturity and the production and musicianship are strong. It is the most finished feeling of his self-produced albums and gives the listener an idea of what is to come.
Crow Sit on Blood Tree (2001) This album is particularly impressive considering it was recorded in 5 days. It feels very much like a release of all the pain and frustration and doubt he was feeling in that moment, a bit of a mess, but a compelling mess. This one, more than the two previous, feels like something he needed to make, to get those feelings out. And for as rough as it is, it is shockingly cohesive and there are a lot of really good songs on it. “Empty Word” again, opens the album and sets the emotional tone. It is one to scream along to, but it is lyrically heartbreaking, he is not in a good place. “All Has Gone” is a beautiful and sad little acoustic song that is hugely underrated. But the real gem on the album is “Big Bird” which has circular kind of repetition that is a bit like “Tender”. Other standout songs include bluesy “I’m Going Away” and “Tired”, melancholy “Too Uptight”, and infamous “You Never Will Be.” Overall I think this album deserves more love, it is an emotional look into a turbulent moment in Graham’s life.
The Sky is Too High (1998)
The Golden D (2000) Graham’s first two albums are tough for me, but I think The Sky is Too High has a few stronger songs. “That’s All I Wanna Do”, “R U Lonely”, “I Wish”, and “Hard & Slow” are all really solid songs, especially “I Wish”. The Golden D holds together better as an album but the strongest songs on it are the two Mission of Burma covers, “That’s When I Reach For My Revolver” and “Fame and Fortune”, which are both stellar and true to what Graham was feeling in Blur at that time. As I have said many times, The Golden D is worth listening alone for out of place jazz funk MASTERPIECE “Oochy Woochy”. The appearance of this random jazz funk song on an angry punk/metal album is one of my favorite things Graham has ever done.
THIS WAS SUPER LONG AND SELF-INDULGENT BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I... I don't even... this is just... nasty?? The shallowness and complete disregard for people who will, deservedly, feel disrespected is so gross.
It’s absolutely ridiculous and I hope she gets reprimanded for it. You are trying to gain the favor of a fandom, and the ones who will really swallow this charade are often times young and impressionable. The worst thing you can do is tell them that there is something wrong with their bodies and that they are mistreating it by feeding it things it would like to eat…how is that even a healthy state of mind?! This fat shaming is absurd in this year of our lord 2k17!
Written for @jpadjackles 1k Celebration Challenge (I’m sorry this is later than I planned!)
Prompt: Homesick by Louden Swain
Summary: Sam and Dean are leaving for a case and you stay behind for a very important reason.
Characters/relationships: Sam x reader, Dean
Word Count: 1.6k
For the first time in years, Sam felt completely and wonderfully at ease. He had never been able to relax after he joined Dean and crisscrossed the country, hunting the earth’s most deadly creatures day and night. He had Dean to worry about, the potential victims, the fate of the world, and sometimes, himself. Then one day, unexpectedly, he had you. You came along, unannounced, but without guesswork, striking right through the noisy mess of Sam’s life and presenting to him a clear path. The relationship was never complicated, never messy, and always reliable.
Why I Support the Rin and Shirou Ship More Than the Other Pairings
First Type Moon musing since the Demon Hunters Association!
(BTW, if you’re reading this, you don’t have to necessarily agree with me regarding my arguments about this ship or if you don’t support this particular pairing in general; everyone’s got their own opinion after all. That saying I apologize in advance if I unintentionally end up attacking other ships here while I argue about mine. Feel free to express your own opinion about it if you want to argue against my own statements. I’m just venting here, I might add.)
Ok but Kaneki and Touka don’t see each other for much of re and then when they finally reunite they’re crazy in love and have sex, right after they mention their friends. I get they were probably thirsty after not seeing each other for so long and were trying to comfort each other in such a trying time but still it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Plus Kaneki clearly hasn’t been eating or sleeping much, else why would he not heal properly? As someone else mentioned, it’s alarming Touka wouldn’t notice these outward problems and is more concerned about sex as if she thinks it’ll solve all their problems. I’ve been there with that mindset between me and my boyfriend when we were both in a bad state of mind and it’s not healthy.
Short Story Description: Set in supernatural universe. You wake up one day, with no memory or knowledge as to how you got in the middle of a forest. All you know is youre a hunter and a good one. Almost getting killed, however, leads to you meeting the boys. Dean, instantly, feels different with you as you feel different with him. You fall in love, and knowing you have the name ‘Dean’ on your wrist calms you. But without being able to tell Dean your name, you panic. Little did you know, Dean already knows your name.
A/N: So, this chapter is pretty intense. When i started this story, it was my venting tool. Now that there’s people who actually like it, I’m happy. The reader is based on me. So alot of things that reader says and describes are self feelings. All of the chapter below is everything thats happened to me regarding reader’s feelings and what she does to herself. I hope this isn’t a trigger for anyone. If so, im so sorry. I hope that you guys like this chapter.
I don’t know how long it’s been since (Y/n) fell asleep. I’m not complaining though. Its quite nice to have her sleeping peacefully near me. I could feel her chest slowly rise and fall. The small noises she made when she moved. The way her face would scrunch up randomly. It was beautiful. As I was driving to the bunker, I pretty much smiled the whole damn way. “You don’t know what you do to me (Y/n), god, how is it that you’re here with me right now ?” I whispered to her because I didn’t want to risk waking her up. I sighed contently, and kept rubbing her soft hair. She moaned. That gave me shivers and a slight erection which I hoped it went the freak away. I cannot let her already know how much control she has over me. I would do anything for her. Seeing her, asleep, at peace, I’d do everything to make sure she always feels and looked this way. But if she’s with me, that will never happen. Dammit, Dean. Be happy the girl is actually here. Your soulmate ! She’s here ! She’s yours. I can protect her. I’ll do everything to make sure she’s happy but that won’t be with me. I drove in silence, listening to (Y/n)’s soft breathing until I reached the bunker. I slowly got out of the car, making sure to not wake (Y/n) up. I went to her side of the car and slowly, picked her up and took her inside. It was night and dark. When I finally got to the door, I somehow was able to open it, carrying precious cargo inside. I slowly walked and took her to her room where I laid her down slowly. I took off her jacket, her shoes and everything else that isn’t considered pajamas. As I was walking out, I almost face planted into Castiel.
“Cas, what the hell ?!”
“Dean, why are you whispering ?”
“(Y/n) is asleep.”
“Cas, we need to talk.”
“OK Dean, but first I need to tell you something.”
“Why would I shoot you Dean ?”
“No, Cas, its a figure of speech, it mea- just never mind, what do you need to tell me ?”
“Dean, you aren’t worthy of her love.” That’s when my rage took over. I wasn’t worthy of her love ? I mean, I didn’t want her to be stuck with me, but I’m sure as hell ain’t letting this angel make me look like an ass.
“I’m not worthy ?” As I said this, I realized I couldn’t have said it anymore venomous than it came out.
“No, you’re not. That’s why my name is on her wrist as well. However, I thought I’d be best if she didn’t have me in her life, but I realized she needs me more than she needs you.” Every word that came out of his mouth stung and cut me up inside.
“Well, guess what ? My name was there first. She belongs to me.”
“She was given a second chance. She has a chance to not be doomed. I wish I could’ve realized this sooner. Before everything I did.” I couldn’t stop myself from clenching my jaw so hard, I felt like a Ken barbie doll. My hands immediately went into fists. It took all my might to not punch him right there and then.
“What. Did. You. Do ?” Every word came out angrier than the last.
“I thought it would be best if I erased all of her memories of the last five years. All the years that included me in her life. When we met, when we fell in love, when she had a choice to be with me, but she was weak. Not even my grace could heal her. She was broken inside. She was hurting. I just, I didn’t want her to have memories of those hard times.”
“So, you’re the reason she’s like this ? Does Bobby know ?”
“Ok, well he’s gonna beat your ass.”
“I know he will be angry, but I believed it was for the best.”
“Well, it wasn’t, but you did it, you screwed her up. I’m willing to help her be her again.” And it was in that moment that I realized, I wasn’t going to leave her side. I just, couldn’t. She was my world now. And I was gonna take damn good care of it despite, what everyone, or angel, says. “Well, screw you Cas, I’m gonna be here for her.”
“Dean, I don’t want to fight.”
“I’d fight for her any day.”
“Fine, its war Dean. She will be mine. I will get her and she will be mine.”
“Not if I win her first.”
“What the hell ?” This voice was one that would make me melt, but in this moment, it filled me with fear. It sounded so, broken. “I’m not some item.” My eyes quickly turned to see a beautiful tearstained girl looking at me and Cas. “I’m not some trophy or property to be won and shelved. So you can both go and screw yourselves. ” she quickly pushed past me and ran towards Sam’s room. She slammed the door and I could hear her angrily, telling, practically yelling, to Sam what just happened. I was stunned. I couldn’t speak. I screwed up badly.
“Sam, they were talking about me like if I was some t-trophy or item, they had no respect whatsoever ! And I found out why I can’t remember anything !” Sam just watched you as you walked back and forth and ranted. Sincerely, you had woken and scared the crap out of him. He was worried from the moment he saw you pressed against the door.
“It was Castiel, he did this to me.” Your eyes began to water again, which made it worse. “He said, he s-said I was broken.” You couldn’t stop crying. Sam stood up from his bed right away and engulfed you in a big hug. Thats when you began sobbing. “I, Sam, I have to show you something.” Sam pulled away enough to hold you closely at arms length. You slowly moved back and took the shirt you were wearing slowly off. The moment his eyes landed on your body, they were wide. Full of fear, of mixed emotions, of hurt, of anger, of anything that wasn’t good. You were vulnerable infront of Sam. You had no idea why you trusted him so much. You had only met him the day before, but god, did he feel like that brotherly, father type you ever so needed in your life. His staring and wide eyes made you extremely self-conscious, as if you weren’t already. You began to cry. “Im sick Sam, and I can’t be helped.”
The tears in your eyes wouldn’t stop falling down your face. Sam was breathless. Eventually, you turned on the light only revealing everything else, which made Sam cry with you. He dealt with monsters, with spirits, with demons, he had scars of his own, but he’d be lying if what he saw didn’t break his heart. When you removed your shirt, he was shocked. He didn’t want to do anything. He just didn’t see you that way, and you were his brother’s soulmate. He couldn’t do that. But the moment he saw your bruised, cut up, scarred skin, he couldn’t help but stare, wide eyed. When you said you were sick, it didn’t click to him at first. But the moment he saw your skin covered in lines, so many lines, he knew you weren’t in a healthy state of mind. After a long time of quietness, you explained your theory to Sam. You were a cutter. These, could never be hunting scars. These were from internal battles you always lost too. You concluded, you were depressed. And the jumpiness and uncontrollable panics, was anxiety. It was the only reasonable explanation. Once you had turned on the light, it only made everything much more exposed. Upon your thighs, you had an endless amounts of dark, faded lines going in every direction, and covering, almost, every inch of skin. Your stomach wasn’t a great sight either. It burned you so much to see soo many self harmed places. Your arms weren’t pretty, your stomach neither, you legs were bad, and even, your ankles took a pretty bad beating. What Castiel said was right. You felt broken. You looked broken. You were broken.
After she left to Sammy’s room, Castiel poofed of to God knows where. I was standing alone inside of her temporary room. I couldn’t believe we had argued about her if she was a toy. I wanted to cry. The last damn thing I’d want her to think was that she wasn’t worth every fight. I can’t bare the thought of hurting her, but losing her was worse. She was mine. She was meant to be mine. I have to protect. No, i need to. Shes someone who ive been waiting for my whole life. I just… Dean, snap out of it ! Shell suffer with you, youll break her more. I can’t do this to her. She doesn’t deserve crap like me. Im nothing compared to her. She was worth everything. I cant hurt her. I’ll keep her away. Thats the only solution. I stood up from her bed and slowly walked to my room.
I need to save (Y/n) before he hurts her. She broken. I need to heal her. I need her to be safe. Shes the reason for my existence. Flying to the nearest motel, i stood in the room observing my suroundings. She needs me. I need her. I will fight for her. If Dean will declare war for her, i will fight.
As i fell asleep in Sam’s bed, feeling safe, i felt like crying everything i had inside of me. I hope that everything i believed was the answer, wasn’t. I slowly drifted off to sleep, thinking of what i have dont to myself. The pain, the stupidity, the want for in the moment pleasure. The swift movement of the object, creafting a swift line of red across your skin. The suddent feeling of a sharp object on your arms jolts you awake. You felt the blade cross your skin, again and again. It burned inside. You looked at your arm and it was as clean as it could but the burning, new cut sensation fueled uour body for more. It felt like ecstasy. One minute you were terrified of this sudden hunger for pain, but it made you feel good to know, it was going to be over soon. You slowly stood from Sam’s bed and walked to the kitchen. You looked for a sharp object. You found the knife drawer. You grabbed the sharpest one and sat down, back to the wall. You slowly placed the blade up to your skin, hesitating a few seconds before merely slicing your skin, over and over. You couldn’t control yourself. It felt like you were trapped in yoir brain. Nobody being able to hear you. “(Y/n) ? Wha- (Y/N)!!!” Dean practically pranced to your side. You had cut up both of your arms very badly. You had lost blood, but not enough to be considered fatal.
Dean carried you, practically running to the library. Setting you down on the table, he ran for alcohol and gauze wraps. He had never seen this side of you. It was as if you were in a trance you couldn’t be awoken from. You watched Dean and you screamed from the inside for him to save you, to free you. He didnt hear you. You watched as he cleaned you and wrapped you. You had knocked out unconsciously.
When i heard noise in the kitchen, i thought it was Sam. However, walking into what i saw, was the one thing my mind feared of most: losing her. She had a knife in one hand, and on the other, blood. She was covered in it. She was hurting herself. After cleaning her up, i picked her up softly and took her to my room. I set her down and practically ran for Sam. “SAMMY !”
“Dean, c-calm down.” He immediately stood and reached for my shoulder to get me less tense.
“Sammy, i almost lost her. She almost-” i swallowed the words before saying them. His eyes showed those of concern and pure fear. “She cut herself, badly, and, she has s-scars all over !” Sam stayed quiet. “Sam, why are you quiet ?”
“Dean, she, uh” he couldn’t finish. I saw the tears silently forming in his eyes.
“Shes sick, Dean.” And i swear, in that moment, every ounce of my being came crashing down. My world was broken. She was not ok, i was not ok.
As sad as it sounds, some people are just in our lives as a means of medicine. And as soon as we have recovered, we must let go and live. That doesn’t mean that we no longer love or need them, that doesn’t mean that they no longer serve a purpose, but in order for us to maintain a healthy mind state from now on, we must continue this journey and blossom and live. Some people are like medicine and overdosing is never a good idea. Set yourself free.
MR - Been listening to Justin Bieber - Where are you now..