a hard lesson to learn

if you don’t “see” racism, believe it exists, or think that the rpcomm is exempt from it and act like everyone here is “woke” and beyond that…you’re both wrong and privileged af.

When there are more tears than smiles, leave. When there are more fights than jokes, leave. When it hurts more than it feels good, leave. They don’t have the right to destroy you just because you love them. And loving them doesn’t mean you have to stay.
—  A lesson I learned the hard way -Jess Amelia
Lessons for staying sane at work

These are the lessons I’ve learned about work. All of it I came by the hard way, but with a lot of help and mentoring by the strong women who came before me.

Do what you say you’re going to do. This is about integrity. When you say you’re going to do something, follow through. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and remember what promises you’ve made. Be trustworthy, honest, and dependable.

Declare. I fucked up. I had a thing to do and I forgot to do it. I said something I probably shouldn’t have said to the wrong person. I missed a deadline. Whatever: don’t lie about it, don’t hide it. Declare it. Be honest. Lying about a fuck up is worse than fucking up. Declare it and get to work on fixing it instead. This will help you sleep better, too.

Check in early and often. Before you commit yourself to an idea or a project, make sure your supervisor knows about it. I know there’s a temptation to pour it all out into a fully realized plan you can hand over in triumph as a fait accompli, but every second you spend on an idea engages your heart a little more, and the more time you spend on something, the harder it will be to hear feedback, criticism, or a no. Save yourself the pain and check in.

Know what you’re building before you build it. Sit down with your co-workers and figure out what you’re doing before you try to do it. Put it in writing. This seems so obvious, but it takes time, and we often run off in all directions because the way forward seems so obvious. Figure out what your shared expectations are. What’s in scope? What’s out? What will you have by the end? What are your timelines? I have specific tools to help with these conversations, and I live and die by them.

Work doesn’t deserve your tears. Is your work important? Sure. But it’s not important enough to let it tear you to shreds. Sometimes people think you should not only do your work and meet expectations, but you should feel like shit when you screw up. Work doesn’t get to tell you how to feel, and work isn’t owed your biggest and darkest feelings about yourself. Nope.

We’ve done as much as we can right now. There are always emotionally abusive people in the workplace, unfortunately, like that angry hothead who gets mad about some stupid thing and suddenly can’t help but bitch while you’re trying to get this one thing done. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to learn to do: you can call time on any conversation or any meeting. As someone is getting overcome by their own anger, ask yourself if you’ll really be able to be productive like this. The moment the answer is no, you can say: “We’ve done about as much as we can right now, let’s pick this up later.” And then stand up. Meeting is over. You always have that power.

Document, document, document. Abusive people will agree to one thing behind closed doors and conveniently reconstruct the conversation completely differently days later. Most work relationships are based on meetings and conversations, which aren’t easily trackable. You say a person told you x or wanted you to do y, but it’s it’s your word against his, isn’t it. The way around this is a follow-up email directly after any conversation or meeting summarizing what was agreed upon. “Thanks for the meeting this afternoon. I understood that I’m going to do x by y, and that you’re committing to do a, b, and c. Did I miss anything?” 9 times out of 10 they will confirm your understanding, and then you’ve got a rock solid paper trail. It’s like a suit of armour.

No one needs my negative reactions. Someone screwed up. Someone disappointed, frustrated, angered me. My feelings are mine, and they are valid and reasonable, but as a person with institutional power, no one needs to see or feel my feelings other than me. My judgments upon the people who report to me are not productive; they are the opposite of that. No one but me is required to bear the weight of my feelings, and no one should find themselves working to elicit or avoid mine. No one should ever doubt for one second that I respect them, that and have their back, and that they can trust me. Even when they’ve fucked up. That’s what I want for me, so that’s what I need to offer others.

*~Venus Signs~*

Venus in Aries: Men with this placement are attracted to feisty, sassy, passionate women. They appeal to women by showing their boldness. Secretly, they want a woman to get on top and ride them! Women with Venus in Aries like to dominate a man, express sass, and they are full of va va voom as lovers! She gets herself in trouble as she sometimes speaks with a sharp tongue. She’ll just as easily knock someone down with her attitude, as she’ll stick up for herself without inhibition! Aphrodite carries a flaming torch thru unexplored lands, leading others behind her. Marching bravely, sometimes acting carelessly, she learns lessons the hard way as she assumes she knows what other people will say or how scenarios turn out. She doesn’t often look before she leaps, the vitality within her doesn’t have time to wait and think things thru; this could actually be a virtue in the sense that she can quickly respond to crisis. Acting on impulse propels her to be a go-getter; truth is, we need impulsive people just as much as we value cautious people. The zest in her soul drives her to persist, there’s hardly any joys she will have missed! Her adventurous spirit always finds something to do, in an instant, she rises anew.

Venus in Taurus: Men with this placement value commitment and stability in relationships. Either their lover is entirely committed to them or they don’t want a relationship at all. They savor comfort food and enjoy playing music. Their patience allows her to understand what’s going on before acting. Women with Venus in Taurus are very charming and have the ability to get along with many people because they have a pleasant disposition (unless other items in their chart indicate chaos). People with Venus in Taurus often indulge in sweets! Gee I wonder who raided the cookie jar? ;) Aphrodite basks in the sunlight, surrounded by the tenderness of newly sprouted daisies and newborn animals. Squirrels scurry up a budding tree, lizards saunter at her toes… She picks a fresh pair off the branch, playing a flute as the wind blows… Spring chicks chirp as she stops to smell the roses.

Venus in Gemini: Men with this will try to appeal to women by learning a variety of subjects, they know how to chat a woman into bed ;). They value women with intelligence. Venus in Gemini charms people on by being adaptable. Gaining knowledge is one of the greatest pleasures, as they can use their varied interests to appeal to many different love prospects. Their fickle nature is curious about many types of people that they don’t always know what they want. They can date around with a lighthearted attitude, appreciating people of various walks of life, cohorts, styles, and skillsets. A pleasing voice aids them in their talent of persuasion. Women with a Gemini Venus are curious to get with a variety of men (or women). The duality of Gemini may be inclined to attraction of more than one gender; or even power play, alternating between D/s roles. Kinks, toys, sex positions, and different kinds of sex are treated with an open mind, experimentation is playful! Venus in Gemini is a jester in love, sometimes they treat it like a game and don’t realize they’ve led someone on. They’d rather not be pinned down as they’re a natural flirt. Their intellect tends to be scattered, learning bits of many subjects without mastering any. They struggle with commitment in love or projects, unless other planets indicate otherwise. For the most part, they live to experience all that life has to offer, getting a taste of many flavors of romance, their sex life, food, and various art movements.

Venus in Cancer: The way to their heart is thru a home cooked meal. Their self-esteem is highest when they have a lifestyle that allows them to flow in their rhythms, they are likely not the type who thrive under pressure or like to be challenged, they’d rather experience security where they can allow their inner child to be expressed. Men with a Cancer Venus are attracted to nurturing women who are motherly. They may subconsciously seek women who resemble their mother, or women who heal their mommy issues. Women with Venus in Cancer express their femininity by intuiting how to appeal to others, they aren’t loud and proud with their female expression, more timid and imaginative. If she has honored the divine feminine, by caring for her body the way that feels right to her, she will shimmer with feminine mystique, pulling in men with her tides of alluring womanhood. Aphrodite dives in the dark creepy depths of the sea, unlocking secrets from a treasure chest buried under sand made of crushed up seashells that were formed thousands of years ago. A peek into the past, she yearns to feel the entire ocean in her heart, to swim in memories so vast… She carries an ocean jasper with her, to hold onto a lost love, she’ll never forget. She admires pearls with iridescence, hoping someone will cherish her essence.

Venus in Leo: Women with this can be bold and expressive, excited to pursue creative projects and they experience physical pleasure with vigor. Compliments make her swoon, she’s a well-groomed babe applying makeup oh so artfully. She is so bright and passionate, she can commit (as Leo is a fixed sign) but the fire of spontaneity can also enjoy flirting with someone just one time to validate herself as a bombshell. Men with Venus in Leo are attracted to confident women who are glamorous. They love to stroke a woman’s ego. Aphrodite dolls herself up with rosy cheeks, bright eye shadow, gold sequins contouring her dashing figure, her hairdo gains attention, and she speaks with pride from her juicy lips. She can daringly make out with someone she barely met.

Venus in Virgo: an earthly sensuality that is physically affectionate and turned off by those who brag. Discerning about how they give out their love, they know what they want in a partner and will not settle! They enjoy critiquing art and ideas. Men with a Virgo Venus respect women who value accuracy in the topics they speak of, and a woman who is willing to get down to work. They make a point to be courteous and considerate, as the Virgo archetype cares to put their best foot forward, realizing that you do need to care what others think in order to be a productive person. However, a life of nitty gritty work turns them cynical to the point of picking out the faults of others. The caution of Venus in Virgo is to become aware of one’s own negativity, learning to be more open and tolerant. These people are modest unless certain placements by the sun or Jupiter suggest otherwise. Aphrodite harvests the fruits of the earth for a feast, nourishing their loved ones with all the essential amino acids.

Venus in Libra: A soft sweet romantic who keeps an open mind, interested in others’ opinions. Libra is an ingenue, with many men drawn to her, she doesn’t want to hurt any of their feelings so she may accidentally lead them on! She can find the beauty in everyone, and she may need someone with strong Virgo in their chart to help her determine who is worth her time, and who may not have best intentions. Libra wishes to be the socialite, spending lots of time with many different kinds of friends without realizing how these friends are influencing her/his thoughts. Libra has that way of compromising discernment when it comes to the truth of a situation in order to go along with the viewpoint that is popular among their friends. A Venus in Libra girl will go along with what their man says, she probably likes to be dominated. An evolved Libra gathers a bunch of information, to seek justice and truth instead of what pleases others. Venus in Libra is very persuasive. With his/her friends, someone with Venus in Libra likes to make others feel included, their fair minded disposition brings everyone together with the goal of increasing harmony in this world.

Venus in Scorpio: This woman is daring and intense, she is not easily impressed! Her abilities of discernment and judgement protect her from getting hurt, but when they do get hurt, heartbreak stings them to the core… People with Venus in Scorpio radiate sexuality and like to have a dramatic appearance and attitude. Men with Venus in Scorpio have a dangerous appeal, they’ve explored darkness that many cannot handle and they might even be kinky. There has to be a genuine emotional connection in your relationships or else you’ll feel unfulfilled. Venus in Scorpio has a chaotic love life as they are addicted to feeling a love that shakes them to the bones! Aphrodite dangles spider webs from her fingertips, her skin is pale as she’s been plotting revenge in her cave instead of basking in the light, she brews a potion of hypnosis in her cauldron; whoever drinks it is doomed to fall madly in love with her… She likes knowing she has power over others, she doesn’t care for diplomacy unless if she’s using it to hide her suspicions…

Venus in Sagittarius: You enjoy dates where you’re exploring new territory, whether that be hiking trails, or conversing intriguing topics. You’re wild and adventurous in your love life even if you’re more cautious and sensible in other areas. Taking chances and trying new activities gives you a thrill. You’re curious about foreign cultures and other peoples’ perspectives. Men with Venus in Sagittarius desire women who are spontaneous and open minded, bonus points if she introduces him to new ideas and places. They tend to be loose with their money, as men with a Sagittarius Venus are generous to a fault, and put off by frugality. They’ll get caught up in the passion of the moment, using up too much of an item, to find themselves with none left later on. If someone with Venus in Sagittarius doesn’t have enough earth in their chart, they struggle with being unaware of consequences until the shit hits the fan. Aphrodite sings a prayer with 108 Tulsi beads, banging a gong under a pagoda, blowing a didgeridoo in the outback for dreamtime, hunting for mescalito in the Sonoran desert, trying a tribal dance on the savannah, playing a harp in the Scottish highlands with fairies…

Venus in Capricorn: You indulge in the pure physical sensation of sex and might not get so emotional about it (unless other factors in the chart say otherwise). You value good quality food and a love prospect has to meet certain standards of yours for you to commit to them, otherwise you enjoy entirely physical connections with the opposite sex. These people are cautious about falling in love, as they are hesitant to be tender and vulnerable in relationships. Men with Capricorn Venus value women with sensibility, superb taste in food, music, clothes, and art. They are horrendously turned off by people who are unrealistic, all over the place, impulsive, or assuming. They cannot stand it when people jump to conclusions, they’re “hold your horses” type of people. Aphrodite expresses herself in a classy suit, she may have flair but it is very refined. Her polished presentation of herself sets a respectable impression. It’s not that she never goes wild, but she waits for the correct time to do so. Underneath her self-conscious tendencies is a satyr enjoying themselves in the forest. Someone with Venus in Capricorn can thoroughly savor their connection to the earth, barefoot on the gems and minerals of the dirt, every pressure point of her toes receives the energy of the stones. Playing the pan flute while gaining a tan from sunbeams, eating their grapes one by one, sauntering thru meadows and mountains, having the patience to notice the mathematical beauty of the ferns in the Fibonacci sequence…

Venus in Aquarius: You appeal to others with adorable quirkiness. You may have the capacity to be detached during sex. From a psychological perspective, someone with an Aquarius Venus might have experienced a heartbreak or trauma that caused them to be detached in how they feel about relationships. Rationalizing one’s romantic life reinforces the idea of being in control of their feelings, even though their love life is chaotic. They can categorize lust from romance from lurve from infatuation, yet their feelings could be so erratic and unstable that they fool themselves into thinking they’re more logical when love isn’t meant to be logical. There can be a neurosis in attempting to understand relationship dynamics. A tendency to be kinky will make this person want to experiment with going wild in the bedroom. Unpredictable people hold their attention! They are turned on by people who stimulate their mind. Venus in Aquarius people value the broad spectrum of gender and sexuality, homophobes lose major points with them. Men with an Aquarius Venus are drawn to chatty women who flaunt their intellect and women who aren’t afraid of strange people. Aphrodite skips up the Ethernet cable, connecting humanity if the internet connection is stable. Networking a group together, harmonizing social dynamics for a grand plan. We’re comrades till the end, brainstorming ideas, testing theories, until you unfriend. Spurts of inspiration, an outcast in cynical contemplation. Seeking reactions by acting life a freakazoid, the free spirit could care less who’s annoyed!

Venus in Pisces gives you capacity to love freely, but the caution is that you put on “rose colored glasses” figuratively when it comes to love. You may put your love interests on a pedestal, getting caught up in the fantasy. You may fall for people who seem kinder than they turn out to be, as you can get carried away with your excitement, to the point of blinding yourself to the flaws of a love interest, only to get hurt in the end. You likely need to learn to understand boundaries, and be firm in sticking to them. Seeking pleasure in escapism, may enjoy having a glass of wine or smoke a bowl to release the pressure of the world. Men with a Pisces Venus are attracted to dreamy girls who go with the flow rather than women who challenge them. They value adaptability rather than someone stubborn. Aphrodite dreams endlessly, perceiving messages from the spirit world, peering into another reality… A sea of psychedelia stares back at her, where do all the whirlwinds lead? “How do I distinguish what I truly need?” Carried away on spending for indulgence, swept away by a new romance, she is enamored by her own brain chemistry. Lost in a blur of pure feeling, in her own world, the collective consciousness is revealing.

–Sellieve
Remember, any given planetary placement can be overruled by other factors in the chart. Most of us are contradictory people. Some of your other planets may interact with your Venus in a way that is harmonious or a clash. Feel free to ask me about it!
If you’re interested in a reading that synthesizes your Venus placement with the effects of your Mars, with the power of Pluto in your chart, along with the gifts of your Jupiter, contact me, and I am happy to write up a report about your chart! AcaiPsycheLife.tumblr.com/readings

This year has been tough. Maybe I can even say it has been my toughest year yet. I lost myself this year as well as I lost friends and a lot more than that. But it also taught me something. It taught me how to let go and to appreciate every little thing in life. It taught me that life can be hard and unfair, but it’s unfair to everyone, so is it that unfair?
I just want to say that yes I’ve hurt a lot this year but all the hurting taught me something. And I’ve grown so much from it.

I know how to find myself again and that’s what I’ll be doing in 2017, finding myself.

Let this new adventure start and lets put an end to this year.

2017 may you be good, may you be soft, may you be an adventure.

—  Annedi Bergsma
ASK THE BLOGGER
  • 1. What are your hobbies?
  • 2. If you could have dinner with any 3 living or dead people, who would they be and why?
  • 3. What makes you laugh?
  • 4. What was the last good thing that happened to you?
  • 5. What is your biggest goal?
  • 6. What do you think is the meaning of life?
  • 7. Do you believe in an afterlife?
  • 8. Do you have any pet peeves?
  • 9. What do you like to do on the weekends?
  • 10. What was your favorite TV show growing up?
  • 11. What is your favorite TV show now?
  • 12. What are your favorite movies?
  • 13. Tell me one surprising fact about you.
  • 14. What do you look for in a significant other?
  • 15. What were you like as a child?
  • 16. What are some things on your bucket list?
  • 17. Who has had the biggest influence on your life?
  • 18. Do you have any pets or have you ever owned any?
  • 19. Talk about a challenge you had recently and how you overcame it or how you plan to.
  • 20. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose and why?
  • 21. Talk about a favorite childhood memory.
  • 22. What is your favorite commercial?
  • 23. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be and why?
  • 24. If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?
  • 25. Who is your celebrity crush?
  • 26. Who is your favorite musical artist?
  • 27. What is your favorite music genre?
  • 28. What is your favorite color?
  • 29. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
  • 30. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
  • 31. What is your dream vacation?
  • 32. What actor or actress would star as you in a movie about your life?
  • 33. Where did you grow up?
  • 34. If you could trade lives with anyone else for one day, who would you trade with?
  • 35. What is your favorite book?
  • 36. Who is your favorite author?
  • 37. Who do you look up to?
  • 38. What is your favorite food ever?
  • 39. Are you a picky eater?
  • 40. Drunken story time! Go!
  • 41. What beverage do you consume most often?
  • 42. What is the first thing you wash in the shower?
  • 43. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
  • 44. How are you feeling right now?
  • 45. Do you plan out your outfits?
  • 46. What is the closest red item to you?
  • 47. Talk about the last dream you remember having.
  • 48. Do you love yourself?
  • 49. When was the last time you cried and why?
  • 50. Have you ever met a celebrity?
  • 51. Have you ever been to a concert?
  • 52. What are you listening to right now?
  • 53. Have you ever flown in an airplane?
  • 54. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?
  • 55. Are your parents or guardians strict?
  • 56. Did you have a good childhood?
  • 57. Have you ever been in love?
  • 58. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
  • 59. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life ever apologize?
  • 60. What are some of your turn-ons?
  • 61. What are some of your turn-offs?
  • 62. Would you go skydiving?
  • 63. What are you thinking about right now?
  • 64. Do you ever rent movies?
  • 65. Do you ever illegally download entertainment such as music, movies, etc.?
  • 66. What is your zodiac sign?
  • 67. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?
  • 68. Is there anything you want to say to anyone right now?
  • 69. Would you rather live a shorter life but be wealthy or live a longer life and struggle financially?
  • 70. What is your stance on abortion?
  • 71. Do you believe in ghosts?
  • 72. Who do you admire and why?
  • 73. What was your worst experience while under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
  • 74. Have you ever had a near-death experience?
  • 75. What do you daydream about?
  • 76. Where do you want to live after retirement?
  • 77. What would you change your first name to?
  • 78. If you believe in a God or Higher Power, what one question would you want to ask Him or Her?
  • 79. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic?
  • 80. Are you more introverted or extroverted?
  • 81. What is your dream profession?
  • 82. What do you worry about most?
  • 83. When was the last time you tried something new and what was it?
  • 84. Who do you compare yourself to?
  • 85. What excites you about life?
  • 86. What five words would you use to describe your personality?
  • 87. What is one life lesson you learned the hard way?
  • 88. What belief do you have that many people disagree with?
  • 89. If not now, then when?
  • 90. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?
  • 91. What activities make you lose track of time?
  • 92. If you had to teach an academic subject, what subject would you want to teach?
  • 93. What is your biggest regret?
  • 94. What will matter most to you when you're 80 years old?
  • 95. Are you a messy person or a clean person?
  • 96. Are you a perfectionist?
  • 97. How tall are you?
  • 98. What is your guilty pleasure?
  • 99. Do you prefer sweet or salty?
  • 100. What is your favorite social media website?
Day Ninety-Nine

-In a battle of etiquette-based oneupmanship, I found myself engaged in an ever-reciprocating chain of goodbyes and waves. My opponent: a four year-old with a penchant for trucks. The sparring waged on until, after the thirty-seventh goodbye, the tired mother hushed her son, leaving me as the reigning champion.

-A six year-old tore the bag of a Minecraft toy and insisted to his mother that she had to buy it now, that it was her duty to purchase the damaged goods. Whether a sincere act of guilt or simply a masterful career-making con, it was ultimately in vain, as the mother hid the evidence and led her children on a grand escape.

-A man attempted to leave his empty Starbucks cup at a vacant register to get away with not throwing it away himself. Unfortunately for him, this had actually been my register, and I had stepped away momentarily. My return was perfectly timed as I successfully spooked the life out of him and he swiftly snatched it up and made a run for it. Justice prevails once more.

-I caught a woman in her forties Instagramming her Starbucks experience. Not with a picture of her drink, but rather, the entire Starbucks. I am deeply and truly proud of this woman for living her life to the fullest.

-I listened, enraptured, as two girls debated whether or not they share a mother. I only wish I could have heard the conclusion.

-Today, we at my store are facing the unspeakable: a near-complete bag shortage. We have been raiding adjacent lanes for whatever bags they had to spare, but these resources will soon dry up. We are left with few options. Our next raid will have to be a nearby location. We must survive. Whatever the cost.

-“Don’t talk to me, I have to go to Walmart,” A mother snapped at her children. I understand. I, too, can lose my temper when facing such a harrowing realization.

-In the midst of a casual conversation, a guest dropped that she “is going to eat the heiny out of a horse.” I do not know her, and I may be overstepping my bounds here, but please LEAVE THE HORSE ALONE.

-A couple came through my lane and purchased only a large bottle of lube. This in itself did not faze me, however, the payment did. As he handed me his cash, I noticed that the middle two fingers on his dominant hand had been broken and were in a cast. Clearly, this is a man who has learned his lesson the hard way.

But sexy doesn’t impress me. Smart impresses me, strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I am impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.
—  Lisa Unger
Wait For It (M)

Anonymous Requested: Jungkook Royal AU
Pairing: Jungkook | Reader
Genre: Fluff/Smut; Royalty AU 
Word Count: 11,013
Author’s Note: I pretty much took a whole day off from life to work on this, since I start school on Monday and wanted to try and get through as much writing as I can before hell starts.

Summary: As royalty, you were forced to be sent off and married to a prince of the neighboring kingdom to strengthen your country. But when you are betrothed earlier than you expected, you seek comfort in a random stranger until you realize that perhaps fate plays a bigger hand in things than you ever thought possible.

.

For the record, you never asked to be a princess. Not that you think you would ever have had an upper hand in a situation like that in the first place, or that you expected things to be different if you could go back in time to watch your family history unfold. It’s just something that’s short, and simple, and a fleeting thought you ponder about on more than one occasion, which is certainly a lot more times than someone who was actually happy with their lives would think.

Now, it’s not that you’re ungrateful with the life you’ve been gifted with, you’re well aware of the luck you’ve received, because at the end of the day, it’s the kind of lifestyle that guarantees food upon the table. It promises a roof over your house during the night, during the rain or snow, (more than) comfortable clothing to keep you warm throughout the bitter winter. The gold and motivation and rule your family has over the kingdom is nothing to shy away from.

It just, it provokes a lot of… pressure in your system, in your heart and in your mind.

Most of these things sprout from your father, who is probably just as ruthless as he is caring and hard-working and passionate about the land he is expected to rule over with grace and respect and an equal amount of force to make sure the people of the kingdom didn’t take advantage of him. He’s always been a loving father, albeit expecting the most out of you between your two other siblings. As caring or thoughtful or empathetic has he could be, there were often moments in your life when your best was never good enough for him.

You’ve been taught since birth to follow the orders and rules set up by your father because, as so graciously pointed out by the servants the dusk and clean and care for you on more than one occasion, your father always did what he believed would be best for you. So every piano or violin or guitar lesson he ever made you take, those foreign language lessons, classes on discipline and how to look, think, behave like a princess—those were always for your own future benefit.

“Keep your back straight, shoulders back, smile pretty.”

Always cut small pieces of your meal. Take small sips of your drinks. Always remember to wipe your mouth with a napkin.”

“Don’t speak unless spoken to.”

It’s not that you hate being a princess. You just hate having things being done for you, you hate how decisions and that free-will of choice and responsibility has been ever-so-graciously lifted off your shoulders as if these were things you would never have to burden yourself with. You hate not having a voice, your words drowned by the ones of your father or mother. Your existence has constantly been overshadowed by those greater than you could ever hope to be. You hate the role you have to play into society, how you had to spend your days dealing with other people’s problems. Shouldering a kingdom is no laughing matter, there are rules and regulations and decisions that constantly need to be made to ensure the safety and well-being of everyone who live within the borders. Your mere existence is to live for other people.

It’s exhausting.

But in spite of your feelings, you know that changing fate is practically impossible. So you roll with your father’s wishes, because you understand that this is duty you owe to your kingdom. Perhaps at the end of the day, it will truly never really matter what you desire. From the moment you were birth, your entire life story has already been written by you, the quill of ink belonging to your father and mother and every other person who thought they could know you better than you could ever know yourself.

You let yourself take everything in. You visit the nearby villages and listen to everyone’s problems, their hopes and wishes and promise to become stronger and stronger to help them. You take the lessons set up by your father. You keep your back straight, your eyes forward, your mouth shut. You accept the fancy parties and the wine, the dancing and the violins echoing through your ear, speaking only when you are spoken to. It’s torture, but you have to remind yourself that is it your duty, your obligation and your responsibility.

You even let your father tell you that there will come a day when you will be sent off to a predetermined prince in a neighboring kingdom, be married off into a family you don’t know and perhaps will never truly belong to—all for the benefit of your kingdom. You let him tell you this, and you accept it. You give yourself a few years to mentally prepare yourself, expecting your father at the very least to grant you this one wish.

A raised eyebrow. “But the prince could be ready to meet you any day now.”

Keep reading

YOI Fan Rec Friday

(31/1/17)

Thank you for all the great recommendations this week!

Rec’d by anonymous:
rouge line by oeuvre, Teen, 7.4k
If there was one person Yuuri didn’t want to work with on a job, it was definitely the close friend he’d accidentally slept with.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Haute by Watermelonsmellinfellon, Mature, 9.4k (WIP)
Yuuri is a hot dancer and a dedicated fasionista. He doesn’t care what the haters have to say on the matter, he knows it and his subscribers know it. Shockingly, Victor Nikiforov seems to think so as well. And when Victor’s attention is focused on Yuuri, life begins to take an interesting twist.Has Victor always been so extra?

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Rec’d by anonymous:
The Omni-Phichit by NonDairyRay, shamarmon, Explicit, 11k (WIP)
Phichit wakes up one morning to find he has attained full sentience. He is then forced through his own personal hell of living through different genres of fanfiction, and the only way to move on is to get Yuuri and Victor together. Luckily, he is the (multi) universe’s greatest wingman!

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Closing Shift by yaboykatsudon, Teen, 6.5k (WIP)
Bag-N-Save’s cashier extraordinaire Victor Nikiforov entered his second summer working his part time job. It wasn’t the most glamorous job out there, but it helped keep the lights on and pay for college. Being in a service job trained Victor to be ready for anything that was thrown at him, except for the cute, brown-eyed guy asking where the new trainee meeting was at.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @kyrie101 and anonymous:
a silver splendour, a flame by thehandsingsweapon, Not Rated, 86k (WIP) **Major character death
When a magic user’s craft fully matures it manifests in the form of a spirit guardian. Mages and elves bearing these familiars spend a year presenting them to each of the high courts throughout the year’s festivals. Both Viktor and Yuuri have their reasons for hiding the full extent of their gifts – Viktor’s been hurt before, when his own powers were used against him; Yuuri’s been warned that everyone will want his; what will happen when Yuri comes of age, and in doing so, makes two very bright stars finally cross?

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
More Than Okay by LoneWolf_With_Internet, 6.4k
While on tour, the last thing Viktor would have expected during his stop in Japan would be to give a free performance to his fans at a karaoke bar, but what surprised him even more was the cute Japanese skater – that Viktor swears he’s seen before –the crowd pressured into joining him on stage for a duet. Needless to say, Victor had more fun than he originally anticipated.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Language Barriers by Galloping_Monroe, Teen, 108k (WIP)
Victor Nikiforov had always wanted to travel the world. When an opportunity arises to spend his final year of university study abroad, he is quick to leap at the chance. Twelve months spent in twelve different countries, he can’t wait to see new places, meet new friends, and finish out his degree with a bang. He just didn’t expect to fall in love along the way.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
A study on awards, nail polish and tears by Singittome, Teen, 1.3k
Viktor Nikiforov has won everything there is to win! Except everything meant nothing when I had nothing. That was a lesson I had to learn the hard way, before you came to untangle the noose around my neck.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @iretae :
Sorry i stole your hat, i needed to hide the flowers you grew in my mind by badtimesforall, Mature, 3.7k (WIP) **Graphic depictions of violence 
“Hey,” Yuuri mumbled weakly, pointing to Victor’s head. “Isn’t that my hat? I’ve been looking for it."Victor stared at him incredulously. Yuuri offered him a faint smile, and then promptly keeled over.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Soon We’ll Be Found by lilithsins, Mature, 61k (WIP)
When Yuuri’s life is unintentionally turned upside down, he and Viktor are thrown onto a path in their relationship that neither of them could have foreseen. The future is a vast, uncertain cavern before them, and if they’re going to get through it, they’re going to have to lean on each other, to trust each other more than they ever have before… and it isn’t always going to be easy.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @poppysicle :
The Cure for Loneliness by poppysicle, Gen, 6k (WIP)
There are some unforgettable moments in life that Yuuri wishes to collect through his photos. His mother’s birthday. The first time he got a poodle. Skating at a large competition. The birth of Yuuko’s triplets. The family’s vacation to America. Last day of college. All the ones that mean the most to him. The only time he wasn’t able to snap a picture for the first time, was meeting him.

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Rec’d by anonymous:
even Time by DiAnna44, Mature, 18k
"After minutes, hours, days, weeks, Victor finally pulls back, but that passion, that fire, that love that usually exists within his eyes are filled with disgust, with sadness, with horror, and if Yuuri was anybody else, he might have mistaken those feelings to be aimed at him, but Yuuri isn’t anybody else, and has been with Victor for months now, almost a year, knows him almost as well as he knows himself, and Yuuri can see that Victor is disgusted with himself.”

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @omgkatsudonplease :
Meet Me by the River by c0rnfl0wer, Explicit, 11k
Every Kupala Night has come and gone without his attending, but now that Viktor Nikiforov is getting older and taking over the position as leader of his village, he has to start taking his life in a different direction. He wasn’t sure whether he expected anything at all in this way. But when Yuuri catches his wreath, he finds the path he had always longed for.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @onceandalwaysenglishmajor :
Of Fics and Fantasies by OnceAndAlwaysEnglishMajor, Teen, 5k (WIP)
Victor is a big shot published author who has lost his motivation. Yuuri is an English teacher who writes fan fictions and has aspirations of being a published author one day. Chris introduces Victor to fan fiction to hopefully get his motivation to write back. Things get interesting when Victor discovers Yuuri’s fan fiction of his work…

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Devil’s Backbone by Eznorb, Not Rated, 14k (WIP) **Please read the tags before reading!
Yuuri Katsuki, an angel that has been residing on Earth for ten years, is currently hiding from his own kind and from demons. All is going well until a demon stumbles across his home and decides to overstay his visit. Now Yuuri must deal with his gnawing anxiety and unwelcomed -though quite attractive- visitor. Though even with his not so fond past experiences with demons, Yuuri gradually comes to realize that not all of them are what his mind subconsciously crafts them to be.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Gray by fluffyloser, Mature, 13k **TW Eating disorders
The four times Viktor stopped eating and the one time he didn’t.

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Rec’d by @ponyons :
lucky stars by telespecteur, Mature, 1.4k
viktor and yuuri katsuki-nikiforov have a meaningful conversation, from the wall to the bed.

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Rec’d by anonymous:
Direct Order by Nemamka, Explicit, 2.9k
“Where is he?! Where’s Private Katsuki?!”
His men never saw the Captain so full of anger. There was murmur. They looked around, searching. Then nobody moved. The silence grew on the battlefield.
Turned Wingman by Nemamka, Gen, 3.1k
Christophe wants to see Viktor happy. Good thing there’s a random pole at formal banquets like this, right? This is his point of view about that night, with a little bit of one-sided Vicris feels.


Thank you for all your recs! ₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

The amazing “YOI Fan Rec Friday” banner was created by @omgkatsudonplease ! I love them a lot, check out their blog!

How To Be A Good Med Student In The Clinical Years

A doctor once told me that the best instrument we have is medicine is the retrospectoscope.  Basically he was saying that often it is easier to make sense of things when looking back from the vantage point of the future.  This is true of life too.  After being an intern for two months I suddenly understand what things make for a strong med students, and what things do not.  Unfortunately, I feel like I lacked many of the qualities that would have made me a helpful med student.  Though I cannot rectify my own mistakes, perhaps I can pass my advice on to future generations of third and fourth year medical students.  I now present, how to be a good clinical med student:

  1. Show up.  This seems obvious.  When you are there to work, then be there to work.  It is so frustrating when medical students are mysteriously absent all the time (only to be found later in the cafe or cafeteria) or when they are there but totally disinterested in what is going on.  I understand that sometimes as a medical student things get slow - like when the interns are putting in orders and notes or when there is a slow call day.  But at least bring something to read.  Don’t play Pokemon Go.  Don’t spend all day on Uworld.  Make an effort to learn real clinical medicine.
  2. Take initiative to learn.  When I was a third year I would wander the hospital to find learning opportunities.  I made friends with the telemetry nurses and they started a folder of good tele strips to give me each day.  I would go to other teams and see if their patients had good exam findings.  I found the cardiology fellows and asked if they had good patients with murmurs.  There is so much learning that can happen if you are willing to experience it.  Now, referring back to number 1, make sure you always let your residents know where you are.  Personally, I would be ecstatic if my students went to hunt down murmurs rather than playing Pokemon Go. 
  3. Read your patient’s chart.  This can be very helpful and will make you look like a star.  Residents are busy taking admissions and sometimes don’t have the time to hunt down records that are three and four years old.  You can stand out by doing that  Look at a patient’s past hospital notes or their specialty clinic notes.  For example, you might be able to alert the resident that an old echocardiogram demonstrated a below normal ejection fraction, which in turn might change how much fluid the patient is given.  Or perhaps you found that during a hospitalization in the past the patient became delirious and needed a one-to-one sitter.  Find ways to add information in a helpful, non-prescriptive, non-judgmental way.  I guarantee your reviews will benefit.
  4. Read about your patient’s condition.  Even if you just browse Medscape, UpToDate, or some other curated source, make sure you understand the basics of your patient’s primary diagnosis.  If they are there for heart failure, read over the basics of treatment.  If they have autoimmune hepatitis look up some info on diagnosis and prognosis.  These things will get noticed, especially when you ask intelligent questions on rounds.  Do not be like a med student I had who, when asked, reported for 4 straight days that he had not read about his patient’s disease.  He instead responded he was too busy with Uworld so he would get a good shelf score.
  5. See your patients.  I literally had students who, on rounds, tried to present without actually having seen the patient in the morning.  This is a huge no-no.  Get to work early enough to see your patients, review their labs, and their overnight events.  
  6. Practice your presentations.  Even if it is on your own or with other medical students, spend time working on your presentation skills.  Heck, even ask the residents to watch you.  I would be happy to do that for any of my students.  Unfortunately, none have taken me up on that offer and instead bumble through their presentation each day making the same mistakes.  By the end of medical school you need to be able to make a good presentation. 
  7. Spend time working on note writing.  Compare your notes to your residents’, your attendings’, and the specialists’.  Everyone has a different style.  Look at lots of notes to determine a style for yourself.  
  8. Forget all the step 1 stuff you learned.  I find many students perseverate on the terrible stereotypes and patterns they see on step 1.  Not all black people with cough have sarcoidosis.  Not every patient with acute kidney injury needs urine eosinophils.  These are good associations, but realize that step 1 has little overlap with real clinical medicine.  Take those associations with a grain of salt. 
  9. Don’t just look for zebras.  I cannot tell you how many times students opt not to follow a patient because the case “doesn’t seem that interesting.”  The majority of medicine is made up of mundane and common diseases such as heart failure, pneumonia, COPD, cirrhosis, etc.  It is pretty rare to get the exciting cases, like disseminated histoplasmosis or a crazy paraneoplastic syndrome.  A lot of learning can happen on cases that are “bread and butter” medicine.  Make sure you follow those cases too. 
  10. Be gentle to your interns/residents.  The transition from 4th year to being a doctor is swift and brutal.  It is easy to criticize when you aren’t the one taking 5 admits.  Find ways to help your intern/resident, because in return they will help you.  I learned this lesson the hard way my 4th year, when I unintentionally threw an intern under the bus while trying to look smart.  Afterwards she took me aside and reminded me that she controlled much of my fate while I was a student under her.  I learned my lesson and we went on to become very good friends.

The clinical years of medical school are daunting.  You constantly feel like a tap dancing monkey, trying to impress people you barely have time to get to know.  But personally, I am not looking for someone who knows everything about everything.  That’s why you are in school.  The best thing you can get out of third and fourth year is how to do a good history and physical, how to write good notes, and how to triage patients.  The best students are interested, willing to learn, and know their patients well.  If you keep that in mind, the clinical years are much simpler.  I promise, if you follow your patients you will learn much more than just doing qbank questions.   

Best of luck on your clinical rotations.  Don’t make things too complicated.  At the end of the day have fun, treat your patients right, and keep an open mind.  The learning will happen whether you recognize it or not.

I’m way past my teen years, and it pains me to see such heartbreakingly bad advice given to young Muslim teens on here. I’m breaking my rule about not getting involved in anything on tumblr for a sec.

Feelings are a natural part of life. Being ashamed that you have feelings is an unhealthy way of dealing with them. If someone tells you that you’re a teenager and you’ll get over it, it means that a) they understand that they’ve passed their teen years and b) they refuse to understand you. When a teen, feelings experienced are so intense and felt for the first time ever, it doesn’t make sense that there are going to be other ‘mature’ feelings that will evolve through time and experience. Since teens have never experienced anything else. 

I’m a little tired of imams and other adults telling young people they’re dumb and need to grow up. We’re all mature in certain areas of our life, and immature in other areas of our life. We’re all moving parts that need to grow. And we grow unequally. 

Your feelings are not haraam. They are feelings. And God decided to give them to you. Does that mean you should pursue the relationship? I don’t know, I’m not in your situation, but realistically, do you believe you’re in a place where you can do adult things when you are not doing many other adult things in life? Where you can take on the responsibilities of a relationship - the in-laws, the house, the saving money, the making money, the pursuing education, the birth control, the fights, the really obnoxious fights, the im-thinking-of-getting-divorced-fights (yes, many healthy couples have these fights), etc. This should be a very difficult question to answer, not something that comes with an immediate yes or no. 

Among my acquaintances I once knew a youth who was bogged down in love and stuck fast in its toils, passion had grievously affected him, sickness had worn him out. Yet his soul found no comfort in praying to Almighty God to remove his afflictions; his tongue was not loosed in any petition for deliverance. His only prayer was to be united with and to be possessed of the one he loved, despite the enormity of his sufferings and the long protraction of his cares. (What is one to think of the sick man who desires not to be rid of his sickness?). One day I was seated with him, and felt so distressed at the visible evidence of his miserable condition, his head cast down, his staring eyes, that I said to him, ‘May God grant you relief!’ I at once observed in his face the marks of strong displeasure with what I had said.

Ibn Hazm, Ring of the Dove (An Islamic treatise on love, highly recommend reading it) 
via ConsciousMuslim

If one is sick, we pray for their health. We act in ways that will improve their health. Ask God to improve your health. To teach you a lesson in this trial. To learn how to navigate to a straight path. To see things from a perspective beyond the feelings. To understand that no one but God deserves to be on a pedestal. To recognize all forms of love lead us to God. 

Pray for more than what the heart immediately desires, pray for something higher.