a hard lesson to learn

Things change all the time, even when you least expect it.
It’s all a cycle.

Remember this, change is inevitable. You can make it easier for you if you are always prepared for this.

Music inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jw-HI5YoOA

I just wanted to draw the grey bleak sky. It felt like something has to be said from it. So I gave it a message.

This year has been tough. Maybe I can even say it has been my toughest year yet. I lost myself this year as well as I lost friends and a lot more than that. But it also taught me something. It taught me how to let go and to appreciate every little thing in life. It taught me that life can be hard and unfair, but it’s unfair to everyone, so is it that unfair?
I just want to say that yes I’ve hurt a lot this year but all the hurting taught me something. And I’ve grown so much from it.

I know how to find myself again and that’s what I’ll be doing in 2017, finding myself.

Let this new adventure start and lets put an end to this year.

2017 may you be good, may you be soft, may you be an adventure.

—  Annedi Bergsma
When there are more tears than smiles, leave. When there are more fights than jokes, leave. When it hurts more than it feels good, leave. They don’t have the right to destroy you just because you love them. And loving them doesn’t mean you have to stay.
—  A lesson I learned the hard way -Jess Amelia
Lessons for staying sane at work

These are the lessons I’ve learned about work. All of it I came by the hard way, but with a lot of help and mentoring by the strong women who came before me.

Do what you say you’re going to do. This is about integrity. When you say you’re going to do something, follow through. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and remember what promises you’ve made. Be trustworthy, honest, and dependable.

Declare. I fucked up. I had a thing to do and I forgot to do it. I said something I probably shouldn’t have said to the wrong person. I missed a deadline. Whatever: don’t lie about it, don’t hide it. Declare it. Be honest. Lying about a fuck up is worse than fucking up. Declare it and get to work on fixing it instead. This will help you sleep better, too.

Check in early and often. Before you commit yourself to an idea or a project, make sure your supervisor knows about it. I know there’s a temptation to pour it all out into a fully realized plan you can hand over in triumph as a fait accompli, but every second you spend on an idea engages your heart a little more, and the more time you spend on something, the harder it will be to hear feedback, criticism, or a no. Save yourself the pain and check in.

Know what you’re building before you build it. Sit down with your co-workers and figure out what you’re doing before you try to do it. Put it in writing. This seems so obvious, but it takes time, and we often run off in all directions because the way forward seems so obvious. Figure out what your shared expectations are. What’s in scope? What’s out? What will you have by the end? What are your timelines? I have specific tools to help with these conversations, and I live and die by them.

Work doesn’t deserve your tears. Is your work important? Sure. But it’s not important enough to let it tear you to shreds. Sometimes people think you should not only do your work and meet expectations, but you should feel like shit when you screw up. Work doesn’t get to tell you how to feel, and work isn’t owed your biggest and darkest feelings about yourself. Nope.

We’ve done as much as we can right now. There are always emotionally abusive people in the workplace, unfortunately, like that angry hothead who gets mad about some stupid thing and suddenly can’t help but bitch while you’re trying to get this one thing done. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to learn to do: you can call time on any conversation or any meeting. As someone is getting overcome by their own anger, ask yourself if you’ll really be able to be productive like this. The moment the answer is no, you can say: “We’ve done about as much as we can right now, let’s pick this up later.” And then stand up. Meeting is over. You always have that power.

Document, document, document. Abusive people will agree to one thing behind closed doors and conveniently reconstruct the conversation completely differently days later. Most work relationships are based on meetings and conversations, which aren’t easily trackable. You say a person told you x or wanted you to do y, but it’s it’s your word against his, isn’t it. The way around this is a follow-up email directly after any conversation or meeting summarizing what was agreed upon. “Thanks for the meeting this afternoon. I understood that I’m going to do x by y, and that you’re committing to do a, b, and c. Did I miss anything?” 9 times out of 10 they will confirm your understanding, and then you’ve got a rock solid paper trail. It’s like a suit of armour.

No one needs my negative reactions. Someone screwed up. Someone disappointed, frustrated, angered me. My feelings are mine, and they are valid and reasonable, but as a person with institutional power, no one needs to see or feel my feelings other than me. My judgments upon the people who report to me are not productive; they are the opposite of that. No one but me is required to bear the weight of my feelings, and no one should find themselves working to elicit or avoid mine. No one should ever doubt for one second that I respect them, that and have their back, and that they can trust me. Even when they’ve fucked up. That’s what I want for me, so that’s what I need to offer others.

There are two teachers. Jupiter and Saturn.

Jupiter makes life seemingly easy to learn. With Jupiter, you have the lessons that come easily to you. Jupiter is the teacher that will take you outside, and let you love what the world has to offer. Jupiter is the fun, cool teacher who’ll let you explore your capabilities. Jupiter wants you to love the world through the beautiful blessings it provides to others.

Saturn makes life seemingly hard to learn. With Saturn, you’ll have lessons you’ll have to difficultly learn through again and again. Saturn is the teacher that will make you see the world for what it is and force you to face a harsh reality. Saturn is the strict, responsible teacher who’ll make you use your capabilities for something truly productive. Saturn wants you to love the world through the perilous pains it provides to others.

It comforts me a little, knowing you would be lost without me. Not to say I wouldn’t be a bit lost without you, because I would be. But I would find my way eventually. Some way, somehow I’d find a way to go on. I worry about you though. No one else will ever love you like I do. I’m sure of that. There is no other person on this earth who will love you as deeply, as completely, as arduously as I do. You may find happiness or contentment with another, but it will never be the same. Nothing compares to a love like mine, and I hope that’s a lesson you don’t have to learn the hard way.

there will be people who use you. they are good at getting close so you care about them. when they see your scars, they’ll flash their own. you will feel kin to them. you know what it is to struggle with things.

and at first you think: they’ll help me if i help them.

but it doesn’t happen. you love them deeply so you always pick up the phone. it doesn’t matter that you have a test the next day or that you’re going through things of your own. you support them.

they are good at pretend. they will play like they are your friend, so you endlessly give to them. after a while you realize: it really doesn’t matter what’s happening in your life, some more pressing emergency is always happening to them. it is a hard thing to recognize, because you don’t want people to hurt like you do. 

i have a friend who never asks me if i’’m okay. she only ever texts me to tell me she wants to die, but never goes to therapy or does any of the things i tell her to do to help herself. once when i came back from my grandfather’s funeral she demanded to know why i’d been gone, and when i explained, she said that without me, she’d almost passed out of this world. i had to lay down on the floor; nothing made sense anymore. i want her to get better. i want to help.

but there are people out there who will use you. who don’t care about getting better, they care about you giving up your time, your effort, your everything. until you are drained of it. i don’t mean those who give back, who will gladly do anything for you, who you know you can trust. who you don’t mind giving up the test for, because you know they’d do the same in a similar spot.

i mean those who don’t know you. who pretend that they care about you but are using your empathy as a sore spot. who take more than they need. who demand your attention all of the time but don’t care if you bleed.

Quotes by Taylor Swift

Beauty Quotes By Taylor Swift

“Beauty is sincerity. There are so many ways, different ways someone can be beautiful.”

“I’ve never felt like there’s just one way to be beautiful.”

“Never compare yourself to the beautiful girls. There’s always someone gorgeous who will make you feel like you’re not.”

“Unique and different is the new generation of beautiful. You don’t have to be like everyone else.”

 Life Quotes By Taylor Swift

“Anything you put your mind to and add your imagination into, can make your life a lot better and a lot more fun.”

“Happiness and confidence are the prettiest things you can wear.”

“I’m beginning to think that you don’t find happiness from living your life looking ahead or back… that you find it when you look around.”

“In life and love, you learn that there comes a time to let go and move on.”

“In life, you learn lessons. And sometimes you learn them the hard way. Sometimes you learn them too late.”

“In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. Most of us fear reaching the end of our lives and looking back, regretting moments we didn’t speak up. When we didn’t say “I love you.” When we should’ve said “I’m sorry”. When we didn’t stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.”

“Just because something is over doesn’t mean it wasn’t incredibly beautiful. Because another lesson I’ve learned is not all stories have a happy ending and you have to learn to deal with that.”

“Life is a ruthless game unless you play it good and play it right.”

“Life is like walking you take one step at a time.”

“Life isn’t how to survive the storm, it’s about how to dance in the rain.”

“The trials and tribulations in your life make you stronger.”

“The world doesn’t owe you anything. You have to work for everything you get and you have to appreciate every bit of success the world gives you.”

“We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.”

“You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you’d experience. You have rejection and you have to learn  how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it.” 

Love Quotes By Taylor Swift

“But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.” 

“I don’t think there’s such a thing as falling in love too easily or falling too fast. Or loving someone too soon or trusting someone too soon…I’ve never treated two relationships the same. Some people move you and some people don’t.”

“It’s the most maddening, beautiful, magical, horrible, painful, wonderful joyous thing in the world, love.”

“I think the perfection of love is when it’s not perfect.”

“I write a lot of songs about love and I think that’s because to me love seems like this huge complicated thing. But it seems like every once in a while, two people get it figured out, two people get it right. And so I think the rest of us, we walk about daydreaming about what might be like. To find that one great love, where all of a sudden everything that seemed to be so complicated, became simple.”

“Love always ends differently and it always begins differently.”

“Love is fascinating. Wishing for it, pinning for it and the anger that comes when you lose it. I used to think that I could figure out some pattern to love, but there is no pattern. Absolutely nothing is predictable in love.”

“Love is unpredictable and it’s frustrating and it’s tragic and it’s beautiful.”

“Love will find you when you least expect it.”

“My favorite thing in life is writing about life, specifically the parts of life concerning love. Because as far as I’m concerned, love is absolutely everything.”

“Real love still happens sometimes. It’s not just something we make up when you’re nine. I have to believe that. You do too.” 

“The way I look at love is you have to follow it, and fall hard, if you fall hard. You have to forget what everyone else thinks. It has to be an us-against-the- world mentality. You have to make it work by prioritizing, and by falling in love really fast, without thinking too hard. If I think too hard about a relationship I’ll talk myself out of it. I have rules for a lot of areas in my life. Love is not going to be one of them.”

“There is a general rule that I always go by, and it’s that fall for who you fall for. Whatever small issue you get hung up on, whether it’s because they’re shorter than you, younger than you or they live far away- if you really are crazy about someone, none of that matters.”

 “To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go no matter how much it hurts.” 

Motivational Quotes By Taylor Swift

“At some point you have to forget about grudges because they only hurt.” 

“Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst, be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything, be that independent girl who didn’t need a man; be that girl who never backed down.” 

“Be yourself, chase your dreams, and just never say never. That’s the best advice I could ever give to someone.”

“Being fearless isn’t being 100% not fearful, it’s being terrified but you jump anyway.”

“Don’t ever regret being honest. Period.”

“Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before you’ve lost.”

“For everything I do, I think about a 6-year-old and her mom that I saw at my concert last night. I think about what those two individuals would think if I were at a club last night. I never want to be arrested, and I never want to be arrested, and I never want to get a DUI those are my moral values.”

“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak, sometimes you’re just strong enough to let go.”

“If somebody hurts you, it’s okay to cry a river but remember to build a bridge and get over it.”

“If you’re lucky enough to be different, never change.

“If you’re lucky enough to find something that you love, and you have a shot at it, don’t stop, don’t put it down.”

“I believe when it comes to love, there’s something intangible about who we are attracted to.”

“I’ve questioned everything about myself, every step of the way. You have to have the same amount of fear and self-doubt as you do hope and blind optimism.”

“I wish all teenagers can filter through songs instead of turning to drugs and alcohol.”

“Just be yourself, there is no one better.”

“Keeping your emotions all locked up is something that’s unfair to you. When you clearly know how you feel, you should say it.”

“Live your life like you’re 80 looking back on your teenager years. You know if your dad calls you at eight in the morning and asks if you want to go out for breakfast. As a teenager you’re like no, I want to sleep. But as an eighty year old looking back you have that breakfast with your dad. It just little things like that, that helped me when I was a teenager in terms of making choices you won’t regret.” 

“Never believe anyone who says you don’t deserve what you want.”

“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.”

“There are two ways you can go with pain: You can let it destroy you or you can use it as fuel to drive you.”

“What I’ve learned is not to change who you are, because eventually you’re going to run out of new things to become.””

“To me, Fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.”

“Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you’ll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.”

“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you keep thinking about yesterday.”

“You have to be happy with who you are and the choices you make. If you don’t like yourself, you’ll never be truly happy.”

“You have to stop looking in the mirror and realize that you’re living for yourself, not others.”

“You only get many firsts, each one is a blessing.”

Music Quotes By Taylor Swift

“People haven’t always been there for me but music has.”

“People like music when they’re in love, but they don’t need it as much. You need music when you’re missing someone or you’re pinning for someone or you’re forgetting someone or you’re trying to process what just happened.”

“For me, Genres are a way of categorizing music. But it doesn’t‎’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to limit you.”

“I feel in my music I can be a rebel. I can say things I wouldn’t say in real life.”

“I’ve always felt music is the only way to give instantaneous moment the feel of slow motion. To romanticize it and glorify it and give it a soundtrack and a rhythm.”

“Music is my shining light, my favorite thing in the world. To get me to stop doing it for one second would be difficult!”

“My definition of country music is really simple. It’s when someone sings about their life and what they know, from an authentic place.”

“Nobody in country music “made it” the same way. It’s all different. There’s no blueprint for success, and sometimes you just have to work at it.”

Personal Quotes By Taylor Swift

“If you’re horrible to me, I’m going to write a song about it and you won’t like it. That’s how I operate.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to love. No one does! There’s no pattern to it, except that it happens to all of us, of course. I can’t plan for it; I can’t predict how it will end up.”

“I love all the girls who have my song on their myspaces. I love the people who come to my shows and put the pictures on here. I love the people at those shows who sing along with me. I love reading your stories in emails, some so touching they’ve given me chills. I love every single person who has wanted my autograph, because for the life of me I never really thought it would mean something to someone for me to write my name down. I love the little girls who stand in line with their mothers like I used to do. That was me. I love the couple who danced to my song at their wedding. Every comment, letter, and message. I love people who listen to the radio. I love every single person who is reading this, because you’ve let me into your life.” “I love you all so much, I just wanted you to know.” 

“I’d rather be at home and eat ice cream than go out and get wasted.”

“I’m not complicated. My complications come out in my songs. All you need to do to be my friend is like me.”

“I still love sparkles and grocery shopping and really old cats that are only nice to you half the time. I still love writing in my journal and wearing dresses all the time and staring at chandeliers.”

“I’m always going to be a hopeless romantic. Always.”

“I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.”

“I’ve always been a hugger. If we all hugged more, the world would be a better place.”

“I’ve found growing up can mean a lot of things. For me, it doesn’t mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I’ve added more things on my list.”

“I’ve never been shy or secretive with the fact that if you walk into my life, you may be walking onto a record.”

“I want a guy who takes charge, but lets me have my say once in a while.”

“I want to be an over-achiever, and I want to be known for the good things in life.”

“I would love to continue in music, with writing… but I am not the kind of person who will hang around if I start to become irrelevant. If that happens, I will bow down gracefully, raise my kids, and have a garden. And I am going to let my hair go gray when I am older.  I don’t need to be blonde when I’m 60!”

“I’ve wanted one thing for me whole life and I’m not going to be that girl who wants one thing her whole life then gets it and complains.”

“I never want to change so much that people can’t recognize me.”

“I suffer from girlnextdooritis where a guy is friends with you and that’s it.”

“I write songs to help me understand life a little more. I write songs to get past things that cause me pain. And I write songs because sometimes life makes more sense to me when it’s being sung in a chorus. And when I can write in a verse.”

“So to you, or anyone else who has spent four minutes on me in some way– listening to just one song, or watching one of my videos….Thank you. I love you like I love sparkles and having the last word. And that’s real love.” 

Relationships Quotes By Taylor Swift

“As I grow up, the lessons I learn in love and relationships and how we treat each other are hopefully maturing-maturing.”

“A good relationship is all about balance and chemistry.”

“In a relationship each person should support each other. They should lift each other up.”

“You need to be happy with yourself or you’ll never be able to be happy in a relationship.”

Potential Titles for Books About My Fanfiction Career
  1. Is This Idea Original or Am I Plagiarizing Someone Else’s Fic?
  2. I’m Shit at Summaries: So Here’s a Poem
  3. Pronouns: How Not to Use Them
  4. 100 Reasons to Distrust AO3′s Hits-to-Kudos Ratio (For Self-Esteem Purposes)
  5. I’ve Watched This Episode 500 Times and I Still Can’t Remember the Right Dialogue, Someone Fucking Drown Me: The Novel
  6. A Hard Lesson in Learning Not to Refer to Characters by Their Hair Color
  7. Technically, if it’s a 16,000-Word Chapter, You Can Still Call it a One-Shot
  8. Subscriptions: What Are They, How Do They Work, and Why Don’t I Have Any?
  9. 50 Oblique Synonyms for Penis