a giraffe and a half

  • Dean: Say it, just say it Cas
  • Asmodeus: Dean, I have...leads to follow, I have to go
  • Dean: Just say it!
  • Asmodeus: *Long sigh* I reckon I miss you too pardner
  • Dean: Ha!
  • Asmodeus: I have to go
  • Dean: Cas, do you ever think about when giraffes get sore throats?
  • Asmodeus: What?
  • Dean: I mean..their neck is basically half their body. Imagine them getting a sore throat
  • Asmodeus: Please I-
  • Dean: Whatcha doin right now?

reasons to read/watch One Piece

  • there’s an 8 foot tall talking singing skeleton with an afro who makes bad puns all the time what’s there not to love
  • there’s a 7 foot tall cyborg who hates pants and says super a lot and he’s powered by cola
  • sky islands
  • at one point someone turns into a giraffe and it’s hilarious but then the giraffe guy actually cuts a building in half because he got pissed at everyone (including his own partner) for not taking his giraffe form seriously. one of his attacks was called “pasta machine
  • the main character is canonically asexual/aromantic. one time he saw the world’s most beautiful woman half naked and his response was “Huh? Why are you naked? Where’s the food?”
  • this series will make you cry over boats and whales. and dogs. and reindeer. and hats
  • none of the main characters have a real romance or romantic relationship with anyone
  • USOPP his whole introduction arc is about him lying to a girl to make her feel better because she had depression, and it was working. (his “lies“ are larger than life stories about him as a kid pirate)
  • THERE’S A HALLOWEEN ARC I REPEAT THERE’S A HALLOWEEN ARC CALLED THRILLER BARK COMPLETE WITH ZOMBIES AND CERBERUS AND MONSTERS AND THERE’S ACTUALLY A LOGICAL EXPLANATION FOR IT ALL
  • AT ONE POINT THE ZOMBIES DO A DISCO DANCE
  • there’s a guy named Buggy the Clown and he actually looks like a clown but not out of choice he was born with a big red nose and he gets pissed whenever people mention it (or sound like they mention it)
  • exploding ghosts
  • evil ventriloquist puppet pigeons that may or may not actually be evil
  • one guy’s devil fruit power is to eat anything and then turn into what he eats and it’s actually a pretty dangerous power
  • all the emphasis is on familial love and friendship
  • did i mention that one character is a tiny cute reindeer who’s also a very, very good doctor
  • ANCIENT CONSPIRACY THEORIES like there’s this whole century of history that’s been erased by the World Government and its forbidden to study it
  • there are also these things called Poneglyphs that are indestructible stones with ancient language written on them and they come from that blank century and no one is allowed to study them. the World Government says b/c of the Ancient Weapons that the Poneglyphs talk about (which are real) but in reality they don’t want the information on the people and country the stones originated from to become known knowledge. the world government literally burned down an entire island and wiped it from the map for doing this
  • BUBBLES BUBBLE BIKES AND BUBBLE CAR THINGS
  • MERMAIDS!!
  • devil fruit powers okay some of them are really cool like turning into fire or magma or causing earthquakes, but then there’s stuff like turning into a giraffe, slowing things down, being rubber, returning from the dead, controlling/becoming a ghost, controlling shadows, SPROUTING LIMBS FROM ANY SURFACE, secreting poison, being able to cut people up without killing them and switching their body parts around and switching their personalities. one character can control hormones and another can turn his hands into giant scissors. and the thing is, ALL THESE POWERS ARE STILL REALLY DANGEROUS
  • Water Luffy. Luffy is impaled by a giant hook at one point and almost dies and then like literally a day later he shows up with a giant barrel of water b/c the villain’s weakness is water. but the villain can also absorb water, so Luffy does the logical thing and CHUGS THE WHOLE BARREL OF WATER UNTIL HE LOOKS LIKE A HUMAN WATER BALLOON AND THEN HE STARTS LEAKING FROM THE VERY SERIOUS WOUND THAT NEARLY KILLED HIM AND SAYS “AHH!! I SPRUNG A LEAK!!”
  • this quote: “When does a man die? When he’s struck by a deadly disease? No. When he’s shot through the heart with a pistol? No. when eh eats soup made from a poisonous mushroom? No!! A Man dies… when people forget him.”
  • you’ll cry over that mushroom
  • Luffy’s idea of an insult is calling a guy who uses three-sword style “four -sword style”
  • also one guy holds a sword in each hand and one in his mouth and it’s badass as fuck i kid you not
  • literally no plot device is forgotten like everything mentioned at one point WILL COME BACK. one time a character was shown in a tiny panel in a super short flashback in chapter 13 or so, and then like 400-500 chapters later TURNS OUT THAT RANDOM BACKGROUND CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY A MAJOR CHARACTER
  • Angels!! Giants!! Dwarfs!! Long armed people!! Long legged people!! Minks!! Fishman!! there’s so many different species it’s great
What types of students the demigods are
  • Percy: the one that gets in trouble even though he didn't do anything, the stealthy class sleeper
  • Annabeth: the one who gets straight A's without doing a thing and makes everyone mad
  • Piper: the one that fucks with the substitute teacher
  • Jason: the one that never gets called on even though his hand is always up, the obvious class sleeper
  • Frank: The one who's too nice and lets people borrow his pencils and has none left at the end of the first week
  • Hazel: the girl everyone thinks is shy and innocent but then surprises you when they curse
  • Leo: the LOUD sarcastic asshole that somehow never gets in trouble
  • Nico: the one that takes the bathroom pass just so he can wander around campus, the one that listens to music in class even when you're not allowed to
  • Will: the one you think is great at sports but turns out to be more uncoordinated than a baby giraffe
  • Reyna: the athlete who misses half the classes because of games but still manages to keep good grades
Centaur Biology

Centaurs, how do they work?

How are they born? Which nipple set do they suckle from? Where are their lungs and their guts? Are they vegetarian, or omnivore?

Well, lets think about this, with veterinary science!

Birth

Foals are born with long legs and a long neck that can get in the way with disastrous consequences for both mum and bub. Humans are born relatively underdeveloped compared to foals, but with a fully functional respiratory and digestive system. The centaur foal would have to keep the human torso between its front legs when birthing, or everything is going to be stuck. Now it’s cramped inside a mare uterus anyway, so it would be easier if the centaur foal is born more on the underdeveloped side, more in line with the human development.

As long as the lungs are mature, and it can digest milk, having a relatively underdeveloped foal body should be no issue. Usually premature foals have great difficulty feeding as they can be too short to reach the mare’s nipples. The centaur mare luckily has the ability and intelligence to sit down and cradle her young while feeding them from the torso. 

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anonymous asked:

How would you describe each of the gnr guys to someone just getting into them?

Axl Rose, red headed emoji king:  

- vocal range wider than the grand canyon 

- is drowning in pussy and by that I mean he has like 3 cats and he would die for them 

- hilarious 

- wants freddie mercury and elton john to adopt him

- mean enough to kick your ass but still soft

- was robbed of a childhood from his biological family but now has a new and improved Brazilian family

- doesn’t give a fuck but also gives many fucks simultaneously 

- the only thing confirmed is his love of taco bell 

Slash, confused ruler of snakes: 

- does not know what shoes are 

- is a big slut and is in love with both Axl and Duff 

- snakes 

- so emotionally involved when he plays that he practically is a guitar

- big fan of vaginas, big fan of women, feminist 

- the only two things he watches are horror movies and spongebob

- sends Christmas cards to Axl

Steven Adler, bag of popcorn: 

- would have slept with anything back in the day 

- his entire diet consisted of drugs but he’s still somehow the most innocent child in the band

- he’s fine now though 

- just really loves his friends and was finally able to play with them again

- ray of sunshine 

- wants to live in a world where everyone is a pug 

- doesn’t know how to not smile 

Duff Mckagan, half punk half giraffe: 

- Johnny Thunders had full ownership of his ass at one point 

- smart 

- former alcoholic who almost died 

- all of his jokes are awful but you’re a lyin ass bitch if you say you don’t laugh at them 

- he’s your fave even if someone else in the band is your fave 

- the cool dad 

- has the same size dick as Mick Jagger 

Izzy Stradlin, ?????: 

- no one knows what he’s doing or where he’s at ever 

- a mysterious and cool bad boy you’d read about in a book 

- bitch better have his money 

- people don’t recognize how talented he is a lot of the time 

- occasionally axl’s best friend 

- wants everyone to chill  

- was in a very monogamous relationship with cigarettes 

6

Hello friends!

Went up to Michigan this past weekend. Scott had his team holiday dinner so I got to join him on that. It was nice! Fun to finally meet his coworkers. We ended up hitting up a few bars after dinner and had a good time 🤗

Saturday was a recovery day haha but we did sign our reception venue!!!! We have a date!!! Kind of crazy! But we are very excited! We picked a date pretty far in the future so we have plenty of time to plan. But I think it will be here before we know it 💕

Sunday I attempted to run, but we had gotten snow the day before and everything was icy 😞 I made it about a third of a mile before I decided it was too risky and headed home. I did do a YouTube workout instead, and it kicked my butt!! My legs are definitely feeling it today!

But today after work I headed out to run again. The roads were clear for the most part so it was much better. Felt like a baby giraffe for the first half mile, but after that I warmed up nicely. Even got a pretty sunset on my way back 🏃🏼‍♀️

Hope you’re all having a good start to your week! 😊

silent-spy  asked:

you can also see the giraffe birth on youtube if you search Animal Adventure Park Giraffe Cam. But as of half an hour ago the vet says she hasn't gone into active labor, and it doesn't look like any feet at poking out yet, so it's going to be a while. But you CAN see the occasional contraction!

Boosting! Re: giraffe birth live cam.

Which Haikyuu!! Character Should You Fight: Tokyo Edition

Kuroo Tetsuro | Who wins: Kuroo
This one is kind of a no-brainer. Kuroo is enormous, so physically he’s probably got a jump on you. There’s also not an once of fear in his body to take advantage of; that’s how he manages to maintain that stupid little smirk in literally every situation imaginable. He’s not an idiot either, although maybe you’ve got a shot if you can get Bokuto to be in the room while it’s happening, because Kuroo becomes about 75% stupider when Bokuto is present. Barring that, though, he’s got you beat on all counts. And why do you want to fight Kuroo, anyway? Kuroo’s a perfectly nice young man who tries to make his childhood best friend feel included in things and gives out volleyball advice to the teams he plays against to make his coach’s lifelong dream come true. There’s really no reason to want to fight Kuroo. Don’t fight Kuroo.

Kenma Kozume | Who wins: N/A
Okay, you’re not going to fight Kenma. If you were to fight Kenma, you would win no problem, because Kenma is a skinny, short little nerd that just wants to sit and play his video games and not be bothered, but you aren’t fighting Kenma. Why? Nobody on Nekoma is going to let you get anywhere near that boy. They love Kenma. You could honestly change the name of the team from the Nekoma Volleyball Club to the Kenma Kozume Protection Squad and maintain perfect accuracy. Remember in the OVA when everyone saw Lev and Kenma with bloody noses? Did they give them equal consideration and check to make sure they were both was okay? No, Kuroo yelled “don’t injure our precious setter” and then fucking decked Lev. Lev’s nose was bleeding too. For all they knew Kenma had just gotten done fucking wrecking him. And yet they still punched an injured moron on the slightest suspicion that he had caused Kenma harm. You’re not getting through that shit. Don’t bother trying to fight Kenma.

Yamamoto Taketora | Who wins: You
Much like when it comes to forming relationships with women, Yamamoto talks about fighting a lot, usually very loudly and enthusiastically, but that doesn’t mean he’s actually any good at it. If you’re a girl it’s not even going to be a contest; the second he lays eyes on you he’ll panic and burst into tears and you can sock him in the jaw and walk away. If you’re a guy or a non-binary folk you may have a slightly harder time, but not by much. Just point to the left and say, “Wow, look, it’s Karasuno’s managers” in a vaguely convincing voice. He’ll be completely distracted and you can knock him out while he’s in a weakened emotional state. Go for it. Fight Yamamoto.

Yaku Morisuke | Who wins: Yaku
What, you think you can beat Yaku because he’s short? Think again. Yaku spends the majority of his day attempting to keep an airheaded giraffe in a lanky half-Russian boy’s body in line. Yaku has more pent up rage than he knows what to do with, and if you willingly present yourself as an outlet for all that shit, you’re dead. Nobody can save you. Also, Yaku is constantly kicking the shit out of Lev, a 6′4″ wall of meat. Lev is an idiot, so this in itself doesn’t really indicate Yaku’s prowess, but the fact that he had the guts to try it in the first place implies that he is completely confident in his abilities to beat up people a foot taller than him. Unless you’re taller than Lev, you don’t stand a chance. If you are taller than Lev, then Yaku is still at an advantage because you probably have a concussion from constantly hitting your head into doorways. Do not fight Yaku.

Haiba Lev | Who wins: You
Lev is tall, but don’t be intimidated. He’s regularly wailed on by someone a foot shorter than him. He has no idea how to use his height to his advantage. I’m pretty sure the only time he’s even aware he’s tall is when volleyball is involved. In a fight won’t know what to do with his extra limb length, so he’s just gonna flail around wildly. That’s not a threat. Also, Lev completely lacks the ability to sense hostility. That’s why he keeps calling Yaku short and telling Yamamoto that he’s the ace. He doesn’t want to piss them off, he just can’t seem to tell they’re mad. What I’m saying is, you could probably get a few good hits in before Lev even realizes that you are fighting him. Also, getting beat up would probably help Lev grow as a person. There’s really no downside. Please fight Lev.

Inuoka Sou | Who wins: You
Okay, like. You can beat Inuoka. You can. You can do it. He’s a pretty small kid and the most that his crazy ass speed is gonna let him do it dodge, and he can’t do that forever. There also isn’t enough anger in him to get him to fully commit to the fight, so you’ve got the mental advantage. So yeah, you can definitely beat Inuoka. But like. Why would you want to. Inuoka is so nice. He’s such a good kid. He’s always all smiley and happy and he makes friends with all his volleyball opponents and he just wants to do good to help his team. There is not a mean bone in Inuoka’s body. Why the fuck would you want to fight him? He didn’t do anything to you. Even if he did, just let him know and he’ll probably bake you a tray of cookies or some shit to apologize. Inuoka is completely pure and does not deserve pain. Don’t fight Inuoka.

Bokuto Koutarou | Who wins: ???
Not gonna lie, Bokuto is a complete wildcard. Whether you can win this depends entirely on what mood he’s in. Are we talking dejected mode Bokuto? If so, he’s already done most of the work himself and you can probably just lightly shove him on the shoulder and he’ll fall into a pile of sadness and defeat. Are we talking really happy, I’m-one-of-the-top-five-aces-Akaashi-look-at-me-being-cool mode Bokuto? You have literally no chance. Maybe you could try to use a line about dead owls or something to make him sad, but even that strategy is risky because you may just end up pissing him off. Basically, you should only attempt to fight Bokuto when he seems particularly despondent and when Akaashi isn’t around to make him feel better. Be careful about fighting Bokuto.

Akaashi Keiji | Who wins: Akaashi
Remember earlier when I said Yaku has more pent up rage than he knows what to do with? That’s still nothing on the amount of pent up rage Akaashi has. Akaashi is pent up rage. That is most of his personality. Now, Akaashi probably doesn’t want to fight you per say - dealing with Bokuto is tiring and he just wants to go home and sleep - but if you insist on making him, he is going to release all of the anger that he builds up from being the primary handler of a literal infant owl. You are going to die and you will have nobody to blame for it but yourself. Love yourself and do not fight Akaashi.

Hey y’all!

I was hoping to have something up for you guys yesterday, but my brain decided that it did not want to cooperate, so my plans changed a bit. Anyway, here it is- this one might be one of my favorites :)


Warnings- language

Word count- 1617

Pairings- Dean x Reader

Y/N- Your Name                     Y/N/N- Your Nickname

Y/H/C- Your Hair Color          Y/E/C- Your Eye Color

I do not own the song lyrics below!


“Dean, can I take this thing off yet?” you said impatiently, gesturing to the piece of thick black fabric tied over your eyes. He had snuck up on you while you were reading in the bunker and slipped the blindfold over your head, scaring the living crap out of you. You leapt up from your chair and spun around, about to punch whoever was behind you, but he grabbed your arm before you could hit him

“Whoa, easy, Y/N! It’s just me,” he said, laughing at your reaction.

Dean? What the shit??” you yelled, ripping your arm from his grasp and reaching up to pull at the heavy fabric obscuring your vision.

“What the- what is this?”

“It’s just a piece of fabric, Y/N/N. It’s not gonna kill you,” he chuckled, and you rolled your eyes before realizing he couldn’t see your reaction.

“Yeah, it won’t kill me. But if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on, it might magically jump off of my face and strangle you!”

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look, no excuse for this, but: Severus Snape Corgi Crackfic

diarycrux said:

snape with a litter of corgi puppies following him everywhere while he’s his usual grumpy self CAN WE?

diarycrux said:

SNAPE TRYING TO DEDUCT POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR AND THE PACK OF CORGI PUPPIES WHINING AT HIM FOR IT

Severus Snape had made a crucial mistake two weeks ago. He’d been standing in Albus Dumbledore’s office, staring at a hooped golden object that whirred on a shelf behind Dumbledore’s head, and wondering what exactly its purpose was. As a result, he’d been distracted when the headmaster said, “Severus, may I suggest an addition to your classroom in the new year?”

It had been the end of summer, and Snape—mostly because of guilt, having secretly shredded one of Albus’s favorite scarves for an experimental scarf-related potion—wanted to show some gesture of goodwill, so he’d said, instinctively, “Yes.” Like an idiot. This was why gestures of goodwill were ill-advised in absolutely every situation.

The second the affirmative issued from his lips, Snape regretted it. There was no way to anticipate what he’d just agreed to. Expectations were always a thorny issue with Albus. “An addition to the classroom”—would the old man suggest one of those cauldrons made entirely out of dragonglass, cured in vats of Veela spit for sixty years? Albus had been talking about those for months.

Or would he suggest a new lighting system? Six students had tottered to the infirmary this past spring, moaning that the flickering torches in the dungeons had given them eye strain. Honestly. Eye strain. Sometimes Severus thought that the staff should close down Hogwarts now, shut the doors, drop the wards, abandon the Founders’ project while they were still ahead, instead of encouraging these whinging little crybabies to spout their opinions as if they mattered.

But that was not the problem at hand anymore. That was all two weeks ago, and now he had to deal with the consequences.

The answer to any open-ended question from Albus Dumbledore is no, Snape thought, teeth gritted tight, sweeping loose corgi fur into the flame beneath his cauldron, which flared an indignant sort of purple.

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