a giraffe and a half

reasons to read/watch One Piece

  • there’s an 8 foot tall talking singing skeleton with an afro who makes bad puns all the time what’s there not to love
  • there’s a 7 foot tall cyborg who hates pants and says super a lot and he’s powered by cola
  • sky islands
  • at one point someone turns into a giraffe and it’s hilarious but then the giraffe guy actually cuts a building in half because he got pissed at everyone (including his own partner) for not taking his giraffe form seriously. one of his attacks was called “pasta machine
  • the main character is canonically asexual/aromantic. one time he saw the world’s most beautiful woman half naked and his response was “Huh? Why are you naked? Where’s the food?”
  • this series will make you cry over boats and whales. and dogs. and reindeer. and hats
  • none of the main characters have a real romance or romantic relationship with anyone
  • USOPP his whole introduction arc is about him lying to a girl to make her feel better because she had depression, and it was working. (his “lies“ are larger than life stories about him as a kid pirate)
  • THERE’S A HALLOWEEN ARC I REPEAT THERE’S A HALLOWEEN ARC CALLED THRILLER BARK COMPLETE WITH ZOMBIES AND CERBERUS AND MONSTERS AND THERE’S ACTUALLY A LOGICAL EXPLANATION FOR IT ALL
  • AT ONE POINT THE ZOMBIES DO A DISCO DANCE
  • there’s a guy named Buggy the Clown and he actually looks like a clown but not out of choice he was born with a big red nose and he gets pissed whenever people mention it (or sound like they mention it)
  • exploding ghosts
  • evil ventriloquist puppet pigeons that may or may not actually be evil
  • one guy’s devil fruit power is to eat anything and then turn into what he eats and it’s actually a pretty dangerous power
  • all the emphasis is on familial love and friendship
  • did i mention that one character is a tiny cute reindeer who’s also a very, very good doctor
  • ANCIENT CONSPIRACY THEORIES like there’s this whole century of history that’s been erased by the World Government and its forbidden to study it
  • there are also these things called Poneglyphs that are indestructible stones with ancient language written on them and they come from that blank century and no one is allowed to study them. the World Government says b/c of the Ancient Weapons that the Poneglyphs talk about (which are real) but in reality they don’t want the information on the people and country the stones originated from to become known knowledge. the world government literally burned down an entire island and wiped it from the map for doing this
  • BUBBLES BUBBLE BIKES AND BUBBLE CAR THINGS
  • MERMAIDS!!
  • devil fruit powers okay some of them are really cool like turning into fire or magma or causing earthquakes, but then there’s stuff like turning into a giraffe, slowing things down, being rubber, returning from the dead, controlling/becoming a ghost, controlling shadows, SPROUTING LIMBS FROM ANY SURFACE, secreting poison, being able to cut people up without killing them and switching their body parts around and switching their personalities. one character can control hormones and another can turn his hands into giant scissors. and the thing is, ALL THESE POWERS ARE STILL REALLY DANGEROUS
  • Water Luffy. Luffy is impaled by a giant hook at one point and almost dies and then like literally a day later he shows up with a giant barrel of water b/c the villain’s weakness is water. but the villain can also absorb water, so Luffy does the logical thing and CHUGS THE WHOLE BARREL OF WATER UNTIL HE LOOKS LIKE A HUMAN WATER BALLOON AND THEN HE STARTS LEAKING FROM THE VERY SERIOUS WOUND THAT NEARLY KILLED HIM AND SAYS “AHH!! I SPRUNG A LEAK!!”
  • this quote: “When does a man die? When he’s struck by a deadly disease? No. When he’s shot through the heart with a pistol? No. when eh eats soup made from a poisonous mushroom? No!! A Man dies… when people forget him.”
  • you’ll cry over that mushroom
  • Luffy’s idea of an insult is calling a guy who uses three-sword style “four -sword style”
  • also one guy holds a sword in each hand and one in his mouth and it’s badass as fuck i kid you not
  • literally no plot device is forgotten like everything mentioned at one point WILL COME BACK. one time a character was shown in a tiny panel in a super short flashback in chapter 13 or so, and then like 400-500 chapters later TURNS OUT THAT RANDOM BACKGROUND CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY A MAJOR CHARACTER
  • Angels!! Giants!! Dwarfs!! Long armed people!! Long legged people!! Minks!! Fishman!! there’s so many different species it’s great
What types of students the demigods are
  • Percy: the one that gets in trouble even though he didn't do anything, the stealthy class sleeper
  • Annabeth: the one who gets straight A's without doing a thing and makes everyone mad
  • Piper: the one that fucks with the substitute teacher
  • Jason: the one that never gets called on even though his hand is always up, the obvious class sleeper
  • Frank: The one who's too nice and lets people borrow his pencils and has none left at the end of the first week
  • Hazel: the girl everyone thinks is shy and innocent but then surprises you when they curse
  • Leo: the LOUD sarcastic asshole that somehow never gets in trouble
  • Nico: the one that takes the bathroom pass just so he can wander around campus, the one that listens to music in class even when you're not allowed to
  • Will: the one you think is great at sports but turns out to be more uncoordinated than a baby giraffe
  • Reyna: the athlete who misses half the classes because of games but still manages to keep good grades
4

In the Year 252525

In the year one-oh-five-one-oh-five,
If man is still alive,
If robot can survive,
They may find…
In the year twenty-five-twenty-five-twenty-five,
The backwards time machine still won’t have arrived.
In all the world, there’s only one technology,
A rusty sword for practicing proctology!
In a future year that ends with a twenty,
A shlubby merman’s gonna try to get chummy.
He may look like a watery wimp,
When in fact he’s a bloodthirsty shrimp!
In the year one million and a half,
Humankind is enslaved by giraffe.
Man must pay for all his misdeeds,
When the treetops are stripped of their leaves!
Whoa-oh!

7

(8/4/15)
Rarely do I feel like a kid in a candy store, but today we went on a field trip to the extremely impressive True Life taxidermy hq and I could’ve easily stayed there all day. They have a massive operation that specializes in African animals and a team of exceptionally talented taxidermists. There were gorgeous wolves, humongous elands, an elephant skull, lions, leopards, crocs, the biggest moose I’ve ever seen, and a life size giraffe. A LIFE SIZE GIRAFFE. I couldn’t believe the size of half the stuff in there, all of it absolutely beautiful! Pictures really don’t do it justice.

2

Interesting facts:

  • The giraffe is the tallest mammal in the world, with even new-born babies being taller than most humans.
  • Baby Giraffes can stand within half an hour and after only 10 hours can actually run alongside their family.
  • Giraffes spend most of their lives standing up; they even sleep and give birth standing up.
  • Giraffes only spend between 10 minutes and two hours asleep per day. They have one of the shortest sleep requirements of any mammal.
  • Young giraffes hang out in nursery groups until they are around 5 months old, resting and playing together while their mothers forage in the distance.
  • Giraffes are sociable, peaceful animals which rarely fight. Males do perform a behaviour called ‘necking’ where they will hit necks; however these encounters rarely last more than a couple of minutes and seldom result in injury.
  • Just like snowflakes and human fingerprints, no two giraffes have the same spot pattern.
  • Even giraffes tongues are huge. They are up to 45cm long and are specially adapted to allow giraffes to forage on trees that other animals would avoid, such as acacias which are very thorny.
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Live at 3:00pm PST!

Join Bunny, David, and Steve for some Steam Powered Giraffe Live Video Blog Goodness!

Tune in early for the pre-show and hear some Vice Quadrant tracks ( one of them will be one we haven’t previewed yet ;) )

“Our brains are all wired wrong

But that’s how we’ve been all along

Wired wrong”

Steam Powered Giraffe - Wired Wrong (x)


I almost had forgotten my Rabbit cosplay that I did last summer! After a few encouraging words that I received from dear mellyoraa I decided to post a picture of it.

I have to say that my makeup wasn’t the best and I hate the vest that I made, but I had some lovely time at the con, so it didn’t really matter. And I even found a few people who knew SPG! (I live in Finland, in case you’re wondering ^^ )

I’m laughing so fucking hard
I forgot that “the jon” could mean anything other than “that golden robot who use to be in Steam Powered Giraffe”
And so when you search “#thejon” on Instagram you get half robot pictures, half pictures of bathrooms
And that justt SLAYED me for some reason JESUS send help