a game of food

This time on Dungeons, Dragons, and Dives, we cooked up some offerings from Simon’s Snakey Snacks, a food stand serving only the best in monstrous cuisine. For Simon’s full story, check out episode 4.

Let’s get cooking!

Ingredients:

~ 1 pack of Beer Brats. I use store brand. I use store brand everything. Just get that out of the way.
~ 8-10 mini peppers.  I used orange, yellow, and red! Just like a salamander!
~ Spaghetti Squash
~ Olive oil
~ cumin, salt, pepper, garlic, oregano, basil, rosemary, sage

Directions:

Naga Entrails

Thread those brats back and forth on skewers, and slather them in delicious steak sauce. Grill on medium heat until the outsides crisp and char a bit. 

Salamander Frills

Cut the tops of mini-peppers. Rub the insides with a mixture of salt, ground black pepper, ground red pepper, cumin, and garlic. Skewer and grill on low heat until they soften and char. 

Medusa Sheddings

Cut in half a spaghetti squash, scoop out the guts, and drizzle with olive oil. Salt and pepper those bitches. Back for 50 minutes @ 400 degrees Farenheit. 

Pull out the squash with a fork, shredding it, and toss with basil, oregano, rosemary, sage, and garlic. generous amounts of all, to really give that green color with the flakes to emulate old snake skin! :)


With all of that spiciness, you’ll need something sweet to complement it! This electric drink packs just enough punch.

Behir’s Blood

Ingredients:

  • Squirt (or similar grapejuice soda)
  • pineapple juice
  • cranberry juice
  • lemon juice
  • Vodka or coconut rum (optional)

Directions:

Put some ice in a glass. Fill your glass about a third of the way with Squirt and a second third of the way with pineapple juice. Add a splash of lemon juice (two if you prefer your drinks more sour), and a splash of cranberry juice for just a little pinkish orange color. Add a shot of your preferred liquor if it suits your fancy. Bottoms up!


As always, we’d love to hear your questions, comments, and recipe suggestions! Please follow us at @deardungeon.

send me a dessert
  • cherry turnover: who do you live with?
  • bananas foster: do you believe in soulmates?
  • glazed donut: would you rather visit a zoo or an aquarium?
  • pumpkin pie: what were your interests as a child?<br>
  • lemon tart: how many languages can you speak?
  • chocolate mousse: how is your relationship with your parents?
  • creme brûlée: describe your style
  • cheesecake: have you ever visited a sex shop?
  • raspberry sorbet: favorite clothing stores?
  • green tea ice cream: who was your first crush?
  • chocolate chip cookie: how has your life changed over the past year?
  • berry trifle: first & last concert you went to?
  • tapioca pudding: favorite animated characters?
  • fudge brownie: do you like your name?
  • strawberry shortcake: are you good at keeping secrets?
  • tiramisu: are you daring when it comes to makeup & clothing or do you like to play it safe?
  • oreo milkshake: do you sleep a lot?
  • apple crisp: how do you relax?
  • carrot cake: who is your celeb look alike?
  • macaron: what is your ethnicity?
  • cinnamon bun: favorite salty snack?
  • red velvet cupcake: ask any question of your own
6

Real Food from Zelda: Breath of the Wild Part 1

Link can make it, so can you! Check out the links below.

  • Spicy Pepper Steak: Beef steak and duck breast marinated in a spicy chipotle marinade and cooked quick in a hot pan, complete with a yummy pan sauce. 
  • Monster Cake: Two layers of easy as heck to make chocolate genoise cake layered between blackberry and espresso Bavarian creams. 
  • Goron Spice Curry: A recipe for a custom spice blend and curry in one! Chicken legs and potatoes are stewed lovingly in a spicy coconut broth, served along a super easy pilaf. 
Chopped

TED: Four chefs, one chance at a ten thousand dollar prize.  They must create an unforgettable meal using the mystery ingredients provided, or they will be chopped.  Let’s meet our contestants.  First, Chef Angela.

ANGELA: I’m Angela, I’m sous chef at Le Snobbe in Omaha Nebraska.  My specialty is Scottish with an Asian twist.  I need to win this so my parents will take me seriously.

TED: Next we have Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: I run the Shaggoth Catering Company.  My family came over from Kazantzan to build a better life here, but my brothers all died of the plague the second our house foreclosed.  I need the ten thousand dollars to buy my mother a new kidney.

TED: Chef Bill.

BILL: I’m extremely loud and have a broad range of interests that will do nothing to help me in this competition.  Watch me as I punch the camera with my tattooed knuckles that read FOOD.

TED: And finally, Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’m Gooseberry, I live in Los Angeles, and I love vegan food to the point where I won’t eat anything that ingests oxygen.  I see so many people eating meat and it *starts crying* just makes me so sad, I have to win this to show them that there’s a better way.

Ted: Chefs, before you there is a basket of ingredients.  You must use all of them, and your dishes will be critiqued by our panel of distinguished chefs on taste, presentation, and creativity.  If you can’t, you will be chopped.  Please open your baskets.  You must construct an appetizer using shank of unicorn, human hair, ground glass, and puffed cheese snacks. You have twenty minutes.

ANGELA: I see the puffed cheese snacks and I immediately think, haggis.  I run to the pantry and grab chickpeas and Sriracha, to give it a little kick.

GOOSEBERRY: Unicorn!  Whyyyyyy is there meeeeeeat!  (cries) Oh well, I’ll just have to suck it up and make it vegan as possible by pan-searing it and dousing it in chicken broth.

MADAGASCAR: I’m so stoked to see ground glass in the basket.  My mom used to cook with this all the time.  It has sort of a crunchy texture, so I’m gonna make pancakes.

(Shot of Bill looking alarmed and confused)

BILL: Guys…none of these are…food…uhh…

BILL: I just have this wad of human hair in my basket and I’m thinking, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?  But I know unicorn has to be soaked to get the glitter off, otherwise it’ll be way too salty and start sprouting little flowers, so I get that soaking and hope the rest will come to me.

JUDGE ALEX: What a great basket!  But I think it will be a real challenge for our chefs.

JUDGE SCOTT: There’s a lot you can do with puffed cheese snacks, but you’d have to be careful their saltiness doesn’t build on the natural saltiness of the unicorn shanks.  I’m so curious to see what they plan to do with the human hair, which in this basket is a mix of Asian, African, and Caucasian strands.

ANGELA: Some of these hairs are Asian, so I use them to tie the ends of my haggis.  I love showing off my specialty.

MADAGASCAR: Not many people would think to cook and eat a unicorn, but in Kazantzan, you take whatever comes your way.  I take the glitter and I put it into a puree for a sauce with vinegar, making sure to chant the ancient evil incantation over it that will keep it from sprouting.  But I’m running out of time, so I may have slurred some of the words together.

(Madagascar starts bleeding from the nose)

JUDGE ALEX: Ohhh, it looks like he’s reversed the S and the Q in “sesustngsnqsutintan.”  That’s the kind of mistake that could cost him some time.  You have to admire his ambition though.

BILL: I get the unicorn into the grill, but I haven’t even touched my hairball yet.  I remember thinking of a prank my big brother played on me once, so I throw the ground glass into the blender with some ice, vodka, and limoncello.

TED: And there is one minute left remaining!

ANGELA: I haven’t even started plating yet, my haggis isn’t done swelling, but I’m thinking, just get it on the plate.

GOOSEBERRY: I have one minute.  I’m gonna make a fresh green salad to represent my vegan lifestyle, and start making a vinaigrette.

TED: FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE…time’s up, please step back.

MADAGASCAR: I look down at my dish, and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve done.  Then I see that there’s nose blood on the plate.  I need that ten thousand dollars.

BILL: I quickly added the hairball as a garnish.

It’s not gross, it’s gormet

GOOSEBERRY: ohhhh nooo I forgot the unicorn shanks, the glass, the hairball, and the Cheetos (TV EDIT, TOTALLY DIFFERENT VOICE) puffed cheese snacks.  All I have is this red onion salad and white truffle dressing.

ANGELA: If I’d just had five more minutes, this would have been a killer cheese and hair haggis.  *shrugs*

TED: Alright chefs, let’s see what you made. Chef Bill.

BILL: I’ve made for you today a cheese-snack encrusted grilled unicorn shank, with a lemon glass slushie.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): I love this.  You really handled the glitter beautifully, and the limoncello adds a lot of much-needed acidity to the salty flavors.

JUDGE SCOTT: I don’t like it.  There’s hair on my plate and I hate you.

BILL: It…it was one of the ingredients…

TED: Chef Angela.

ANGELA: Before you today we have a cheese snack and ground unicorn haggis, tied with Asian hairs and garnished with a tarragon and glass crumble.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): The combination is brilliant, the flavors really play off each other well.  But mine is a little cold in the center, and you can see…I have sprouts.

ANGELA: It’s supposed to do that.  I meant to do that.

TED: Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: Today I’ve made you a unicorn pancake with a glass crust, and a glitter dipping sauce.

JUDGE SCOTT: I’m not getting any of the human hair.

TED: Tell us why you need to win today.

MADAGASCAR: I need to get my mother a new kidney, as we had to sell her good one to pay for my father’s ransom.  He’s okay now, but times have been hard with just one kidney to share between them.

JUDGE ALEX: There’s blood on my plate.  I can’t eat this.

TED: Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’ve made a vegan-friendly dish, with the unicorn, cheese snacks, and the hair omitted.  The glass did not make it onto the plate.

JUDGE SCOTT: This is just red onions and white truffle oil.

GOOSEBERRY: That is correct.

(TV EDIT, SCENE RECONVENES TEN MINUTES LATER)

GOOSEBERRY (with a black eye, sniffling): Thank you chef.

TED: Now whose dish has been put on the chopping block?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC AS WE LOOK AT EVERYONE’S SAD FACE)

TED (revealing Gooseberry’s dish): Chef Gooseberry, you’ve been chopped.

GOOSEBERRY: I was pretty disappointed to get chopped, but I stand by my work, and I’m proud nobody had to eat meat made by my hand. (leaves down the hallway)

TED: Next up, the entree round. WHO (flash to Madagascar) WILL (flash to Angela) BE (flash to Bill) CHOPPED???!!??

5

The instant cure for summer heat. Chilly Elixir, Link and other Breath of the Wild elements property of Nintendo. Check it out in action here.

What You Need:

  • 1 cup pineapple juice
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • 2 tsp ginger, grated
  • 2 tsp lime zest
  • 1 tsp blue drink mix powder
  1. Place pineapple juice and ½ cup sugar in a small saucepan. Add lime zest and ginger and bring to a boil. Turn off the heat and cover, allowing the syrup to steep for 30 minutes.
  2. Add a little drink mix and stir it in. Strain. Pour into a fairy pot or mason jar and keep in the fridge.
  3. To make a Chili Elixr beverage, pour a few tablespoons into a the bottom of a glass. Add a little club soda and stir. Add ice and top with more soda, stirring all the while. Garnish with mint if desired.

[ ANOTHER DAY ]

- the world ends with you fanzine -

Proud to show my full piece out for the ANOTHER DAY TWEWY fanzine! Missing the times where we could snack at Ramen Don in Dogenzaka! So happy to be apart of this zine with the other amazing 50+ artists! Congrats everyone and happy new year!