C: It took me a while to realize that the role you play in a man’s life is usually the role he wants you to play. I made excuses for men until I realized this. This world is literally made for men to thrive in. if he wanted you to have a certain status in his life, you would have that status yesterday. Don’t waste time waiting for that girlfriend or fiance title. That’s why men leave 10 year situationships and get married a year later. They will always bring to fruition what they want!
If you are a Black woman who has ever had a failed relationship with a Black man whether it was because of him being physically abusive, verbally abusive, or just generally unsupportive….then I am sure you have heard the same slogan from unsympathetic people who will tell you to “Choose better”.
The only advice they have to offer you consists of criticizing your ability to choose a decent partner, which ultimately dismisses all accountability on behalf of that Black man.
The irony is that even Black men will tell you that you must choose better. However; they are not sincere.
Here is why.
How often do you hear Black men complaining about Black women having standards? Very often.
They will call us “gold diggers” if we expect them to be financially responsible. They tell us we should “hold a man down” when he is in a tight situation. They encourage us to accept the bare minimum from a man. They demand that we always give men second and third chances no matter how abusive they are.
But then. . Once a Black woman begins to complain after being hurt by one of them, she is told by those same men to “choose better”.
The truth is that they really do not want you to choose better because then many of them would not qualify.
What they want is a way to blame you for how their collective treats you and their line “Choose better” gives them the opportunity to do that.
I think women should entertain all the men in their lives simultaneously until we find 1 who wants to be with us monogamously and who we want to be with in that way too. And I mean have sex with all the ones you want, suck all their dicks, go on dates with all of them. Slut shaming teaches women to cut off all other men as soon as one man gives us attention and that’s stupid a f. It’s like stopping to apply to other places just because you got the “We’re reviewing your application” message.