a brief comment on the comics industry

“Okay”

I finally managed to finish the Secret Santa for @kipnotize! I’m so sorry that it took me so long; please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to make it up to you.

As per your request, a little story about Genos perpetually getting #rekt and Saitama not being okay with that ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Dust.

A blazing inferno.

The deep, resonant rumble of a huge creature in pain.

The smell of burnt keratin.

And then-

An elongated, metallic screech.

Saitama looked up to see a body, sans one limb, plummeting – was it really plummeting if the movement was horizontal? – through the sky and the mirrors of a corporate skyscraper. A streak of light traced the path it had taken, ending in a glittering cloud of glass shards at the point of impact.

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New girl-friendly comic to hit stands 2011

This week DC announced a new title - with a difference. Boys, stay away from this one - it’s for girls only. Hot on the heels of Marvel’s “Year of Women” specials, which included titles such as the mini-series Her-Oes , DC is getting ready to launch the girl-friendly Capes and Cakes.  

“Girls aren’t as interested as guys in fights,” Dan DiDio is quoted as saying. “They’re more interested in relationships, romances, emotional drama. We’re taking the focus off crime-fighting and putting it on the more everyday questions women face, like - how can you put on enough muscle to do your job but still fit into a size 10? How do you attract a guy when you have the strength of twelve men? How do you decide between vigilantism - and raising a family?”  

The series is set to be focused around a yet un-announced female superhero who runs a bakery as her day job. DiDio says that the main character will be “an old favorite - we’re really excited to have her back.” No writer or artist seems to be attached to the project, although rumors include Gail Simone, Mark Waid, and Ed Benes. However, DiDio did say that the comic was going to have a different aesthetic than most of DC’s outputs, and mentioned Supergirl’s new logo as being an inspiration. “We really want to say, guys, this one isn’t for you. You already have a lot of comics. This one’s just for the ladies.”

- LB

Comics Industry to fans: "We're sorry for everything"

Spontaneous parades were held across the world today after the comics industry issued a statement apologising for almost everything they’d ever done. “We’ve finally taken the time to understand the criticism we’ve been getting, and we feel really bad,” said the entire comics industry. “We’re sorry for the queer bigotry, the misogyny, the racism. We’re sorry that we continually promote straight white cis-gendered men as ‘normal’ and put every other character in the 'too hard’ basket. We’re sorry for storylines that continue to denigrate characters of colour, female characters, queer characters. We’re sorry that we’re continuing to employ writers, artists, and editors, who think that this denigration is acceptable. And we’re sorry that for so long we’ve treated minority characters as fodder in our quest for more angst and more edginess.

"We hope that, in time, our readers will be able to forgive us. We look forward to working more closely with our community of fans to ensure that our characters and stories respect everyone - not because we want to be PC, but because we want to really show the world, not only as it is, but as it should be.”

Forrest Wilson, a spokesperson for all comics fans everywhere, was quoted as saying, “LOL no 1 gives a shit about any of that. If their going2 apologiz about anythin it shuld be 4 makin Wolverine in2 such a pussy”

BAY TO DIRECT NEW 'WONDER WOMAN' FILM

After months of speculation, a new Wonder Woman film was announced today, set to be directed by Transformers’ Michael Bay. Although the film’s casting is yet to be revealed, insiders have tipped Sienna Miller to take the title role, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt playing her love interest.

“It’s a reimagining,” the director admitted. “People who are used to that old Wonder Woman TV series are going to be in for a surprise.” Bay pointed out that a lot of the Wonder Woman mythos is “a bit silly. If she’s an Amazon, how does she have an invisible plane? How did this island of very attractive ladies go so long without being discovered? So, we’re saying - what if she isn’t human at all?”

The film is set to follow a young man who meets a crash-landed Wonder Woman, and has to help her on her quest to save the world. “It’s sort of a coming-of-age story,” Bay adds. When asked whether he’s rid Wonder Woman of all her usual equipment, Bay laughs. “No, of course not! She’s still got the costume, of course. That’s what makes her so recognisable, and it sets her apart from other, ordinary women. And the lasso, of course, but fans are in for a bit of a surprise there.” Bay wouldn’t go into details, but hinted that Wonder Woman’s fight scenes were going to be “explosive”.

- LB