dating people with bpd
written by a girl who loves a girl who has bpd
disclaimer: i do not have bpd (borderline personality disorder) and this was written from my experience dating a beautiful girl who has bpd and she proof read it!! i just want to help others whose partners have bpd! this may not apply to everyone because everyone is different but these are things that i have experienced in my relationship!
1. TALK ABOUT BOUNDARIES
this is important for every relationship whether the person you are dating has bpd or not, but it’s crucial for when you’re dating a person with bpd. this is important because certain things that you may not even think about can make them sad or even a bit angry. it’s important to talk about what triggers them and be super understanding when their triggers seem a bit uncommon, and let them explain their boundaries and symptoms they experience. it’s important to be patient and listen to them.
2. TELL THEM WHAT’S REAL
some people with bpd have a blurred sense of reality and need to be told what’s real and what isn’t. even if it’s just the color of their jeans, it is still important.
3. REASSURE THEM
some individuals with bpd have an intense fear of being abandoned, which usually comes from early childhood abuse, and need constant validation to reassure them that you aren’t going to leave them. be patient when they ask if you wanna breakup with them, or if they ask if you’re mad at them, or when they say their sorry for even the slightest of mishaps.
4. DON’T BE SCARED
personality disorders have tons of bad stigma surrounding them and individuals with these mental illnesses are demonized and made out to be like monsters in the media. it is important to ignore all the articles and posts about bpd that demonize them written by neurotypicals. people with bpd aren’t inherently bad.
impulses are things you want to do. some impulses can be self destructive while others are not. most people with bpd don’t have impulse control like those who don’t have bpd do. a thing that works for me when their impulses are self destructive is (assuming that you’re their fp) asking them how they would feel if i did that, or asking them to do virtually anything to take their mind off it. and if that doesn’t work, it’s important not to get mad at them if they do it. they don’t know when an idea is bad or good, so just be patient and understanding and don’t be a fuckass.
6. EDUCATE YOURSELF
educate yourself on the disorder and read about the symptoms. the best person to talk to about bpd is your partner. because everyone is different, it’s important not to limit bpd down to certain symptoms. figure out what your partner experiences and read about those. i suggest following the bpd tag on tumblr or even browse it a bit to get a general understanding of the disorder. bpd is very complex so it’s important that you get a general understanding and realize that it’s not relatable to you. certain posts may be relatable but do not think that you can reblog them, because the extent in which they are felt is extremely different. most people with bpd have very intense emotions and feel things that we feel to a much higher level.
to conclude, dating someone with bpd isn’t hard or scary. however, it is different from dating someone who doesn’t have it. it’ll be hard if you don’t research it or ask them questions or get a general understanding of it, but if you do it’ll be easier for the both of you. people with bpd aren’t inherently abusive, and it is possible to have a stable relationship with your partner.