a big waste of space

Savior Needed

This is for @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash Ash’s Round 3 Negan Challenge. My prompt was Over The Rainbow. Once again, thank you Ash, for letting me join!

Eventual Negan x Reader (y/n)

2200 words

No warnings just a bit of angst with Negan language

I will be writing more to this if it’s wanted

Tagging ~ @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash, @negans-network

 “Get this shit loaded, times a fucking wastin’!” We were heading out on a dual purpose, restocking an outpost, and checking on a community we had brought into our midst, problem was it was being lead by a couple of shitheads and they had to be constantly watched due to their incompetence.

 “Where the fuck is y/n?” I yelled at Simon. Y/N was one of my Saviors, one of the best. Not only was she highly fucking skilled with most weapons, her hand to hand abilities were on a level all their own. I depended on her, more than I fucking cared to admit.


 “I dunno, boss. She’s usually one of the first out here. Maybe she had a busy night, she was really throwing back that whiskey we found on the last run.” Simon shook his head, snickering.

 “Well, we need her, so somebody better go fucking get her.”

 No one moved. “Fine, I’ll go get her myself.” I stormed off towards the door. Fucking incompetents. 

 As I entered the main hall, I glanced around, hoping to see y/n without having to hunt her down. Fuck, no sign of her.

 I made my way down the hall where her room was. When I reached her door, I began knocking.

 “Y/N, get your ass up and out here, doll! You’re fucking late!” I leaned into the door listening for movement. Nothing.

 When she first came to the Sanctuary I gave her the usual speech I give new residents. Most don’t have a choice of jobs, a few with certain talents become Saviors, like y/n. But my biggest regret was not giving her another choice, become my wife. There was something about her which fucking attracted me to her. But that something also made me not give her the choice.

 After the third time of knocking, I tried the knob, locked of course.

 “Are you looking for y/n, sir?”

 “Jesus fuck! You scared the shit out of me!” I turned to see a janitor.

 “I’m sorry sir, I was just mopping the floor around the corner and heard you knocking. Y/N isn’t in there.”

 I sighed. “Okay, so where is she?” Why the fuck I had to draw it out of him was pissing me off.

 “She left last night, said you knew.”

 “Left?! Like left her room or the fucking Sanctuary?! Tell me everything you know, now!”

 He looked scared, good. “Uh, well, i met her in the upstairs main hall last night, she was pretty wasted.” He sniggered. “So I offered to help her back to her room.”

 Fuck. I moved closer to him, making use of our height difference, staring down at him, lightly swinging Lucille.

 He backed up a bit, his hands raising upward. “Totally on the up and up, sir! I really like y/n, she’s one of the few Saviors that’s nice to me, I wouldn’t take advantage of ‘er, I promise!”

 I stood down, leaning back against the wall, bringing Lucille down to rest on my boot.

 “Continue, but make it quick.”

 “Well, like I was saying, I brought her back to her room. When we got here, she asked me to wait while she packed some things.”

 “Packed? Did she fucking say why? And just cut to the fucking chase, where did she go?!”

I had a fucking feeling exactly where she went, but I needed to hear him say it.

 “Okay, well she had me help her out the gate, said it was some kind of super secret recon you had her going on and that I had to keep tight lipped about it, which I have sir, promise!”

 Fuck, I knew it.

Y/N POV

  Attempting to climb out of my bed I realized I wasn’t in my bed, or any bed for that matter. As I tumbled down out of the tree I had been asleep in, I realized what a stupid fucked up idea it was to sleep in a tree.

 I stood up I prayed to whatever was up there that I didn’t fracture anything, everything seemed to be in working order.

 But it really didn’t matter. I honestly didn’t care. I was done. Done with running from a past I’d never escape. Done with the pain. Done with wishing for something, someone, I could never have.

 Yeah, no one truly wants to live in this world. No one. But most just keep living the life, trudging along, existing the best they can given the less than stellar circumstances.

 But I didn’t want to live in the world before this one. I didn’t belong in it. And I most certainly don’t belong in this one.

 I’m cracked, broken, and really only the whole can survive, should survive. I’m a big fat fucking waste of space, of resources.

 So now I was finally manning up and doing something about it.

 Negan’s POV

  I took off upstairs, running out to the trucks.

 “Simon, send a bunch of our trusted fuckers out to do the work. I need you, D and a couple of others to come with me, y/n took off.” I closed my eyes, wiping my hand down my face in frustration. I wasn’t mad, maybe a bit pissed off. But I knew why she left. And I was going to stop it.

 I had talked to her a couple of times on long runs when we either rode together or were camped out for the night. She never really opened up much about her past, I mostly pieced shit together and guessed at it. Once we Simon, y/n, Arat and I had enjoyed a bit too much of the alcohol we had found, she opened up. I think she thought she was just talking to Arat. I didn’t catch it all, but what I did hear made my skin crawl. And wishing a fucking painful death on some shitheads.

 As we headed down the road, Simon and I in one truck, Dwight and the others in another, we scanned the woods for anything out of the ordinary.

 “I’m not surprised she fucking bolted.”

 “What did you say Simon? Fucking speak up.”

 “I’m not at all surprised she left, that’s all. She’s a troubled girl.”

 I turned in my seat, enough to look Simon in the eyes but still checking out for y/n. “And what the fuck does that mean exactly?! Everyone is fucking troubled Simon, what makes her any different?”

 “She’s just so unhappy, she said it herself. You’ve heard her. She never hangs out with anyone, always holed up in her room. Fuck, every guy in the Sanctuary wants to bang her and she just fucking scoffs at ‘em. And I know for a fact she swings that way.” He laughed.

 I scowled, I knew what Simon was saying, and I was fucking pissed. “And how the fuck would you know that Simon?!”

 “I think you know, boss, you have 6 fucking wives, you understand how things work.” He looked over at me, laughing, then stopping quickly. “Holy fuck! You’re really pissed! I knew it!”

 I turned to give my undivided attention to looking for her. “I’m just pissed that one of my Saviors has run. One of my best, nothing else Simon. Eyes on the road.”

 “Mmhmm, sure thing.” Suddenly the truck swerved, coming to a stop.

 “What the fuckity fucking fuck man!”

 As I glanced over to him I saw a figure walking through the trees.

 “I’d know that ugly ass purple backpack of her’s anywhere. And I don’t think she sees us yet.” Simon laughed.

 As Simon started to step out of the truck, I grabbed his arm. “Let me go alone.”

 He nodded as I stepped out of the vehicle. Grabbing Lucille, I made my way quietly in the woods, trying to make as little noise as possible.

 “Good try Negan.”

 I swung around to see y/n standing almost directly behind me.

 “Fuck doll! How’d you do that?!”

 She laughed, swinging her bag around to grab a flask. As she uncapped it, she kept her eyes on mine. When she finished putting her bag back on her shoulders, she spoke.

 “Go back Negan. Go back to where you belong. Just let me go. Please.”

 “No can fucking do sweetheart, you’re a Savior, no leaving, it’s a fucking life sentence.” I grinned at her.

 She turned, heading further into the woods.

 “I’m not coming back, so get used to it.” She sat down on a rock taking her sneakers off. “Fuck, I hate blisters.”

 “Carson can take a look at those, get your feet all fucking fixed up.”

 Looking up at me, she laughed.

 “Just give it up Negan, I’m gone.” She shook her head, pulling out a pair of socks.

 I sat down next to her, watching her pull on her socks.

 “Is it really that fucking awful, living at the Sanctuary?”

 “It isn’t that Negan, it’s just…I don’t belong there.” She looked up at me from tying her sneakers.

 Fuck, why isn’t she my wife?

  Sighing, I spoke. “Now what the fuck does that mean, sweetheart?”

 She finished tying her shoes, sitting up and pulling a granola bar out of her bag.

 “I’m not “Savior” material, Negan. Every time I call myself that I can’t help but laugh. I am far from anyone’s savior.” She then offered me a piece of her bar.

 “No thanks doll. As far as being a Savior, you are the fucking best of the best. You have saved many, do not fucking sell yourself short. I…uh…we need you.”

 She laughed. “Yeah, no, you’ll do fine without me.”

 She was beginning to fucking frustrate me.

 “Look y/n, how about we make a fucking deal. You come back for a week. After that time, if you still want to leave, I will throw you the biggest going the fuck away party you have ever seen!”

 She looked like she was thinking about my offer. “Why do you care? I don’t understand?”

 “What does that even fucking mean?” I brought my hand up, rubbing my neck.

 “Why do you care about me? I’m just some fucked up girl that you all found like some orphan animal on the side of the road. I’m nothing special. Laura, she’s great with a crossbow. Arat, she’s a wizard with the blades. But me, fuck Negan, I’m scrappy but you’ve got lots better. And they belong there.” She looked down at the ground, kicking up the dead debris.

 What do I say? That she’s a fucking valued member of the Sanctuary? That her skills are needed as a Savior? While that may be fucking true, is that the reason I want her to return? I want to believe that, but I knew it was something else. I needed her.

 “I know you don’t fucking believe me sweetheart, but you DO belong there, more than a lot of those fuckers. Let me know what it will take…”

 Suddenly y/n jumped up, pulling a long blade out of her pants, knocking me over as she hurdled over me. I turned over on the ground to see her taking out a couple of fucking walkers, her blade buzzing through the air. Grabbing Lucille, I joined her smashing skulls.

 “To your left, Negan, there’s more coming!” She yelled through heavy breaths. “Where the fuck is Simon, I saw him with you?!”

 As I headed over to the half dozen or so fuckers heading our way, I knew doll could handle the few fuckheads that were left. At least I thought so, until I heard her scream just as I Lucille’d the last walker.

 “DOLL!!!” I ran as fast as I fucking could jumping over the carnage. When I reached her, I realized it wasn’t a fucker walker that got her, as there was a fucking arrow in her chest. I bent down to pick her up, as careful as I could, her cries of pain almost as painful to me as to her.

 “I know sweetheart, I’m so fucking sorry, but we need to get you back to Dr. Carson, so just hold on, okay?”

 “Put me down…please…leave me. Just…go…Negan.”

 I ignored her pleas, there was no fucking way I was letting her die.

 “SIMON!!! DWIGHT!!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!”

 Simon appeared from behind a tree, a look of shock on his face.

 “Fuck! What happened?!”

 “What’s it fucking look like Simon?! She was fucking shot! Is this D’s arrow?” He better hope it isn’t.

 “No, none of us shot anything that way. Fuck boss, she don’t look so good.”

 Y/N scoffed.  “Thanks… Simon…for that…for…the confidence in… FUCK!

 My arm was getting soaked from her blood and her tears. “Negan…I’m begging…you…PLEASE, just…let me die!”

 “I’m not leaving you doll, you can keep fucking begging. You can hate me, I’m not letting you die.”

 We got back to the truck and Simon took a hold of her while I climbed in, gently taking her back into my arms.

 No words were spoken, not until her small voice pierced the silence.

 “Somewhere over the rainbow…way up high…there’s a land…that I heard…of once in…a…a lullaby.”

 “Doll?”

I know Simon thought this was it, his fucking sad face looking over at hers, then up at mine. But he was wrong. She was going to be fine. She had to be.

  …to be continued?

DTP Foundations Week #24

Week 24 of the deductionist training program.

Mnemonics #2.

Level: Intermediate.


Mnemonics #2 - Organisation:

So what can you deduce about me detective?” JM asks. You try to remember some of the signs for the “Big Five” personality traits.

You remember it like this:

To be efficient in mnemonics you need to organise what you memorise. This is something I think most have a problem with in mnemonics (I’ve never seen anyone do this in a good way). They tend to organise via rooms in their memory palace, and that’s okay but you can’t really do that efficiently with small lists you need to memorise, or even big lists. You would waste space in your palace. So this technique is what you always should utilise when using mnemonics. Sortation with the palace should only be done when you have a room for a specific topic.

I associate organising of mnemonics with an article in a newspaper. You have the headline, the subheads and the content. Remember this for later.

First, visualise this:

An aquarium which is like an OCEAN (An acronym for the big five, if you haven’t read about the big five look for my post called “Big Five”). But we need a picture for every trait because we want to organise this the best we can.

So remember these with the linking method (which we talked about last week):

      1. Openness to experience - Visualise a roller coaster.

      2. Conscientiousness - Visualise a filing-cabinet falling down and crushes the rollercoaster.

      3. Extraversion - Visualise a party hat that forces itself to be on the filing-cabinet.

      4. Agreeableness - Visualise two hands doing a handshake exactly over the party hat.

      5. Neuroticism - A shaking skeleton that shakes on the shaking hands.

Remember the newspaper article? Now we want to organise the OCEAN picture to be the headline and the traits to be the subheads and then the signs to be the content (more on that later).


So do this:

Link the aquarium (OCEAN) with the roller coaster (Openness to experience).

This you do a particular way:

Every time you make a connection between a headline and a subhead or a headline and content or subhead and content you should make the code for the headline big, the code for the subhead medium/small and the code for the content small. This will be zoomed in later.

So visualise the aquarium(OCEAN) quite big and the roller coaster(Openness to experience) as a small ornament inside the aquarium. When you have seen the aquarium as a big picture and the roller coaster as a small picture you should zoom in on the roller coaster and see every subhead as the same size. So all in the same category should be the same size.

Now we shall memorise the signs so that we can deduce what personality traits someone has.

The signs of openness to experience - Rollercoaster:

  • Colourful clothes - Clown clothes.
  • The shoes have strong colours - Neon shoes.

Now you are going to make a connection with the roller coaster (openness to experience) and the clown clothes (colourful clothes). The roller coaster is a subhead and the clown clothes are the content, so the roller coaster is going to be a big picture and the clown clothes are going to be a small picture.

Visualise the roller coaster and visualise the clown clothes to be small as doll clothes in one of the seats of the roller coaster. Now you zoom in on the clown clothes and see neon shoes as big as the clothes but inside them. The clothes later fall apart and reveal the shoes.

Now you should know how to connect these different pictures, so I’ll give you the coding and the size of the picture but you’ll need to connect them yourself.


The signs for conscientiousness - File cabinet (Medium):

  • Formal clothes - A suit (Small but the filing-cabinet is big compared to the suit)
  • Clean shoes that are in good condition - Cinderella’s glass shoes (Small but is the same size as the suit)

The signs for extraversion - Party hat (Medium but is the same size as the filing-cabinet):

  • Stylish external - A king’s crown (Small)
  • Friendly facial expressions - Smiley face (Small)
  • Confident facial expressions - Sunglasses (Small)
  • Smiles a lot - Smiley with botox in the cheeks so that it stays smiling (Small)
  • Relaxed gait - Ragdoll (Small)
  • Swinging arms when walking - Robots arms that are spinning (Small)
  • Loud and powerful voice - Megaphone (Small)
  • Good eye contact - Creepy old portrait (Small)
  • Lift their feet when walking - Boot with a spring under it (Small)
  • Shoes have lots of colours and the colours are strong - Clown shoes (Small)


The signs for agreeableness - Handshake (Medium)

  • Soft facial features - Faceless round face (Small)
  • Friendly facial expressions - Mona Lisa (Small)
  • The shoes are practical, non- pointy, affordable and no visible brands - Shoes made of clouds (Small)


The signs for neuroticism - Shaking skeleton (Medium)

  • Dark clothes - Dracula (Small)
  • Pointy shoes and high heels - High heels (Small)

Like with everything, you’ll need to recall this now and then to remember it.


So just to be overly clear. The category of what you are memorising is the headline (in other words OCEAN or the Big Five is the headline) and has the size “BIG” relative to “MEDIUM” and “SMALL”.

The subcategories in the category are the subheads (in other words the five traits, like “openness to experience”, “conscientiousness“, “extraversion” and so on. These are the subheads) and have the size “MEDIUM” relative to “BIG” and “SMALL”.

The signs, in this case, are the content and have the size “SMALL” relative to “BIG” and “MEDIUM”.

So:

OCEAN - headline - BIG

Openness to experience - subhead - MEDIUM

  • Sign - content - SMALL
  • Sign - content - SMALL

Conscientiousness - subhead - MEDIUM

  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL

Extraversion - subhead - MEDIUM

  • Sign - content - SMALL
  • Sign - content - SMALL
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL

Agreeableness - subhead - MEDIUM

  • Sign - content - SMALL
  • Sign - content - SMALL 
  • Sign - content - SMALL

Neuroticism - subhead - MEDIUM

  • Sign - content - SMALL
  • Sign - content - SMALL



You notice that JM have formal clothes and clean shoes that are in good condition, so you tell him that he scores high on the personality trait conscientiousness, he confirms your suspicion.


And with that, I’ll see you my irregulars.

A PIRATE’S LIFE (5)

Pairing/Characters: Loki Laufeyson x Reader!Stark

Guest Apperances: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Heimdall, Thor Odinson, Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, Brock Rumlow, Jack Rollins.

Summary: This tale follows the quest of pirate captain Loki Laufeyson, a savvy pirate and Bucky Barnes, a resourceful blacksmith, in their search for reader, (Y/N) Stark. A feared pirate has kidnapped reader, the daughter of the governor. Little do they know, the he along with his crew has been cursed. Doomed for eternity to neither live nor die, unless a blood sacrifice is made.

Warnings:Piracy, kidnapping, violence, murder, love triangle, language. 

Word Count: 1939.

A/N: Hey, my prompt is making it’s appearence! Yay. I hope this one makes sense. This is one of my favorite chapters (one of many xx) As  always, feedback is  deeply appreciated!! 

Based on Pirates of the Caribbean: The curse of the Black Pearl.

SERIES MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 5 - GREEN EYES

Keep reading

Sometimes i hate this site.

Imagine making a whole FUCKING blog dedicated to shitting on a ship from a fucking VIDEO GAME. Like, how pathetic are you? All in the name of “oh Mercy insulted Genji in a 3 panel comic that was meant to be fucking funny. OH THATS RACIST AND UNROMANTIC!!!” Do me and the WHOLE Overwatch fandom a big favor and delete your waste of space blog please. Im not even gonna @ you, you know who you are.

anonymous asked:

Hey, sorry I'm a total n00b, but what's the deal with everyone repeating the "phil kessel is a stanley cup champion" thing? Sorry to bother you! x)

So, it depends a little bit on who you ask, the actual origin is a little unclear, but it is, essentially, a rally cry and big “Fuck You” to all the Phil Kessel haters, of which there are irrationally many. You probably need some backstory about Phil for it to make more sense -

First off, Phil is a great player - specifically, a great goal-scorer and even through some of the toughest times, he has throughout his career managed to put up a lot of points. He’s not what people might call a “200 foot player” who does everything all the time, he’s not a jack-of-all-trades but more of a specialist. A specialist who scores a lot of fucking points.

He’s an olympian, he’s a cancer survivor, he’s dedicated as shit (like he misses a game or a practice waaaay less often than other people, i forget the exact stats but yeah, super dedicated), iirc he does good charity work, he’s reported to be a good guy by everyone who actually knows him.

Phil’s also not your typical hockey bro - he’s a bit soft spoken and he’s too ginger and too round-faced. While I and many others find him delightful, there’s a certain percentage of people who he just rubs the wrong way - which hey, fine, not everyone gets along! He’s maybe a little shy, a little awkward, and he’s maybe a little quick to get defensive/irritated - though in my personal opinion I’d be a much bigger bitch to people if I were as talented as he is and had my work ethic questioned and talked down to as much as he is.

For several years prior to this last season, Phil Kessel was a major player in the Toronto Maple Leafs’ team, but for a variety of reasons, the team’s management and the media there didn’t really click with his personality. I’m not a Leafs fan or anything so I’ve only heard a lot second hand, but they didn’t really have his back, put a lot of pressure on him and blamed him for the team’s continued failures (even though he was one of the only ones actually performing well and they really were doing a bad job managing the team as a whole) instead of letting him just be good at what he does. Plus there has been a lot of media bullshit talking about his temperament and his weight and his - i swear to god - eating of a hotdog (which is actually most likely completely fabricated, but it tells you the quality of journalism). He was supposed to be their star and they should have supported him and been proud, and instead they treated him like shit. I mean, this happens on a lot of teams to a lot of talented players, but Phil’s case has always been a bit strange because he still performs and people ignore it and continue to hate a lot.

Which is when the Penguins come in - last summer they traded for Phil Kessel - a move which had Phil haters crowing with glee that he was leaving their leafs and laughing at the Pens for doing something so “stupid”. There was a lot of horrified talk about how bad a choice it was, how big a waste of cap space it would be and how much they’d regret it and how he’d ruin the team. I’m exaggerating but I’m not.

Now, the Pens team culture is a different one, a little unique in the league. Some teams decide on a personality, a message, and a culture, and they try and mold players into conforming to their perspective - which, good, you need an identity, sure, but several teams take it too far - to the level of making players all get short haircuts and be clean shaven and such things (creeps me the fuck out). Usually comes with a very authoritarian and narrow-minded coach who thinks their personal winning way is the only winning way. Which, will get results, to a certain degree, it’s true. As a personality psychologist, I can tell you that’s a huge waste of human talent though, especially at this level. You don’t want a team made of robots, you want to coach and manage your team so that the things that make your individual players special and above and beyond are the things that fit together. You make careful combinations so the jagged edges balance each other out, become complementing strengths, and letting the best features flourish and shine. The Pens are a great example - especially with the addition of Sully’s coaching style - of how to really play to your strengths. To not try and force guys to be something they’re not, to save their energy for their best features. The Pens kindof have to be like this - you couldn’t have guys like Malkin and Crosby on a team if you weren’t willing break a few molds.

The Pens embraced Phil and all his personality ‘quirks’ and took off the bullshit pressure gave him places to shine, to make his best talents a priority and not ask him to do things that aren’t. And he fucking did it, he flourished. He did good work all season, and when they came through the playoffs he lit it the fuck up! He led the team in points - 10 goals, 22 points in the playoffs. Sidney Crosby won the Conn Smythe because he was also an amazing leader and a play maker for others in addition to scoring points himself during their run, but many people agree Phil was just as much a contender for it. They would never have won without him. He has worked so hard for so long and put up with so much shit, and when you put him on a great team that embraced him (and the guys really have embraced him, they make a point to talk about his accomplishments and call him “Phil the Thrill” and cheer him on when he doesn’t meekly lay down and take people’s bullshit because his team actually finally fucking has his back - e.g. them cheering him in the background when reporters were asking about his salty team USA tweet)

So, what it comes down to, is when someone says “Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion”, they’re saying fuck you, everyone who trashed him, who treated him like crap and then threw him away. It’s all of us who think he’s great showing our solidarity and pride in him for proving them wrong.

Because he is.

Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion

And nobody can say he isn’t.

I’m disguising behind my masks hiding how I feel,
Hoping I don’t spill the next emotion in a “great reveal”.
It’s like a world rests on my shoulders, and the weight pulls me down,
But I’m determined to keep pushing so I don’t let anyone down.
I don’t want to be found distraught as the world around me falls,
Because I’m motivated not to snap as I collapse before the fall.
All of you keep me focused as I push up all the weight,
Because it’s never too late to give up, but I am determined not to wait.
I’ve been broken,
I’ve been fractured,
I’ve been distorted for many years;
I am stitched, sometimes torn, but I’ve conquered all that I feared.
This is who I am, not the empty shell who was born;
I am this. I am that.
I am a shell who’s been covered in thorns.
But no longer shall anyone in my world be labelled the day they’re born.
The people of my world, you’re not ugly,
You’re not nameless, or controlled by your anxiety -
You’re the survivors who carry the world and keep me happy.
You’re not a size, you’re not just a race,
Your taste in fashion is not a disgrace;
You’re not just a past, you’re not a big mistake, you’re not a waste of space.
But you’re all a beautiful face.
—  You’re capable of more than you think. Don’t let cruel words bring you down. Carry a world of your choosing, and don’t let the outside world label you as nothing | Written by: @jarfidd

anonymous asked:

I hope you fucking kys, why bother making a big ass post about me lmao pathetic ur worthless and a waste of space

Yikes I know exactly who this is 😬😬😬

HOMOPHOBE BLOCK LIST

just a convenient little block list of people who think it’s okay to call gay men fags, people who think making jokes about cooking fags are funny, and the people who try to defend the use of the f slur against a gay man. im not going to compile receipts bc at this point my entire blog is one big ass receipt for these wastes of space! if you’re mad at being called a homophobe. then maybe you should take a look at yourself and wonder why youre supporting someone who called a gay man a faggot in the first place. and before any of you pull the “I’m _____ so i can’t be homophobic!” don’t. gay people can have internalized homophobia. lesbians, bi people, pan people, trans people, etc etc can all be homophobic. @ the rest of my followers! feel free to block all of these people! 

@pie-the-shitlord

@theincrediblekitten

@nunyabizni

@afpe and also @afpe-ask-blog

@ladyailyn24

@anti-sjw-pro-luxray

@dalaisa-thirhi

@we-should-rip-it-straight-out

@patricianus-maximus

@edgy-princess

@egalitarian-nature-blog

@felipefire

@thetransgenderoffender

@kammybruh14

@borealaries

@egaylitarian

@louisville-redcoat

@nucleic-asshole

@incorrectlycorrect

@scrublord–supreme

@gingerheadninja88

@ecarretsamcp

@deadramones666

@blackoutcatharsis

@literally-a-narwhale

@gservator

@obsidianthunderwolf

@lord-of-wankery

@cuntry-boner

@the-ultimate-edgelord

@skye-the-tactician

@misseljebel

It might be rambling, might be one of many useless thing I’m doing here. But it doesn’t matter. 

I’m just… so angry. No, not at anyone form my family/friends/followers. Y’all great and this what’s matter. I’m angry at myself, because once again I realized how big waste of space am I. I thought I could be important for someone, to make someone happy with my art, my stories and world. I though I could make something big, give happiness… I wanted to show myself I can actually do something. 

Yet I can’t do anything right, I can’t. To improve I need to practice, but I can’t even think about simple things to draw. Words won’t come either, no matter what would I try to do. I’m losing focus few minutes after I start. My mind is empty, nothing would come or stay. Bet I could sit in one place, only thinking… heh, kinda dangerous activity. But this emptiness inside me is so annoying…

I just thought I could be someone. Looks like I’m still a nobody. 
Nobody who would be missed, nor remembered. 

And that’s funny. 

When my blog was mostly pastel pink theme, not all my mutuals would interact with me so it’s like what was even the point of following me heh. I’m like a big waste of space in their dash. But now that my aesthetic changed not much but just the pastel part (idk if this makes sense lol), I’m happy I found some good blogs to interact with.

Never Ending Nightmare

Title: Never Ending Part 2 Nightmare

Pairing: Dean x Reader (Prophet)

Warning: Strong language, Violence

Im So glad you guys like the first part of this story and I really hope you guys like this one :)

Part 1

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When you awoke everything was dark. Black. You could feel the side of your face was swollen from them smacking your head against the library table in temps to make you stop trying to get away. A Red Hot pain was on your side from when one of them stabbed you after you wouldn’t listen following the yells from the tall man not wanting you dead yet.

The blackness you saw was torn away as someone pulled off the bag over your head. The tall man smirked down at you as you saw an empty room with three men standing around it. A table sat next to you with things you wish weren’t there.

He pulled the gag out of your mouth as you felt dried tears on your face, You knew there was no point in screaming it would just be followed by pain.

“Rule number 1, No screaming” Your eyes didnt look at the man as he stood in front of you. “Rule number 2″ He lifted your chin up making you look at him. “Look at me when im speaking” You swallowed at the growing lump in your throat. He dropped his hands putting them into his pockets. “Rule number 3, You will tell me everything I want to know, And if you dont, Well…” his eyes turned to metal table next to you. 

A tear ran down your face as you shook “Please…Just let me go..” You said lightly as more tears left your eyes. The man just laughed as you pulled on the robe that was tying your hands together along with your feet. “Please..” You whispered as his hand went to your throat “Did I tell you to speak!” He screamed in your face. He picked up a knife that was on the table and held the tip to your shoulder. “Now, Have you spoken or seen God.” You clenched your jaw and shook your head no. “SPEAK!” you jumped blinking the tears out of your eyes. “no” you got out in with a harsh voice.  He pushed the knife so it went through your shirt and the tip was in your skin. you closed your eyes trying to not think of the pain. “Have you read any of the tablets?” he said in a low voice “No…” he pushed the knife in deeper “Visions of any kind?” you let out a held in breath as you tried to make your tears stop. “No” The man clenched his jaw before pushing the knife all the all the way through your shoulder. You screamed out in pain. He pulled it out holding it to your neck. “I said no screaming..” He spoke right before stabbing you in the other shoulder. You held in your scream just trying to breathe “I..I dont know anything I swear” You cried out. The man took in a deep breath sighing “Dont fuck with me Y/N!” You felt his fist hit the side of your jaw. The taste of copper filled your mouth.\

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“I found the car dean” Sam spoke as he typed on his computer. Deans head snapped up as he reached over the table turning the his lab top around seeing a security video from a gas station he could barley make out you sitting in the back seat as three men in black suits sat inside as well. “Thats them” be spoke standing up grabbing his coat along with his keys. “ Its about a days drive, Lets go” 

Dean had not been able to think straight with you gone. Horrible things were running through his head. What they could be doing to you. The moon lit up the road in the middle of the cold night as dean gripped the steering wheel. Music turned off. Glaring at the road ahead of them. Speeding. Sam broke the silence “Dean..” Dean looked at him before looking back at the road. “You need to prepare your self -” Dean cut him off. “Dont.” He said harshly “Dean..She might be dea-” Dean cut him off again but this time looking at him “I said dont…” Sam nodded before looking down on the map on his phone. “I know sammy…” dean spoke softly gripping the steering wheel harder “I just..I just dont want to think about it” Sam looked at him with a sigh. “Dean I know you dont want to think about it or hear it but you have to. She might already be dead” Dean slammed on the breaks turning to sam “I said dont sam, how many times!” This time sam cut him off “No dean you have to think about this if you go in just thinking she might be chained to chair with not a cut your wrong! We dont know these guys! So you better be ready for what were about to walk into because im not going to watch you die again!” Dean didnt say anything he kept his grip on the steering wheel as he glared ahead.A second went by before dean spoke looking over at him with tears in his eyes. “You dont think I know that…Shes the best thing thats happen to me and im not ready to let her go. Not yet sam.” Dean started the car and started going again. “Im not letting her be torn away from me like everything else.” Sam stared at him as he watched a tear run down deans cheek as he drove. Sam closed his eyes letting out his held breath. He knew how much dean loved you. 

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Your head hung low your eyes shut as blood dripped from your mouth. The stab wounds on your shoulders were still leaking blood as your gray shirt was now dark red. Your shirt stuck to your skin from the dried blood. You didnt know how many hours pasted before the door came slamming open. You lifted your head feeling light headed from the blood loss. “Your wasting my time Y/N” The tall man said gripping your chin making you look at him one of your eyes were already black and blue. “Tell me something already or im just going to kill you.” You smiled with a slight laugh. “Go ahead..” you choked out right before he hit you again. He placed his thumb on your shoulder where the wound was pressing it in you couldnt help but scream followed by sobbing. “Please…stop” you cried He pushed his thumb into your other wound on your side. “I will as soon as you tell me.” You shook your head “I dont know anything” You could barely get out. He twisted his thumbs as you screamed again. “Im useless!” you screamed out sobbing. He pulled his thumbs out as your head dropped down clenching your eyes shut trying to breath  through your sobbing. He pulled out a handkerchief cleaning off his hands. “You are useless. Your a big piece of wasted space. They made a mistake with you. your no Prophet….  ” The man grumbled. 

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Dean held his phone in his hand with a picture of you on it. “Have you seen this girl?” Dean asked the man standing behind the gas station counter “A SUV. Black. Where did it go” Dean spoke again as the man just shook his head “I dont know what your talking about. “ Dean glanced at sam who was filling up the Impala. “You kidding me right.” The kid looked behind dean as a man walked up behind him seeing your picture on his phone “O I know her.” Dean spun around seeing a man in a black suit “Shes quit the screamer” Dean went to punch the man but he grabbed his arm spinning him around. The Tall man walked into the empty gas station with his hands behind his back smirking. “Well Hello dean…” Dean glared at him “Where is she..” Dean shot at him. “Now thats no way to talk to each other is it?” The man spoke as sam walked in a man holding a gun to his head. “Fuck you” Dean spat and the man just laughed “Now do you want to see your girlfriend or not? You took long enough.” The man walked back outside as the men held guns to sam and deans back making them follow him. They walked to a ware house behind the run down gas station. 

The man swung open the door “Y/N I brought you something!” He spoke with a smile. Your head slowly looked up as you saw Sam then dean walk into the door. Deans heart started pounding at the sight of you. “What the hell did you do to her!” Dean yelled at the man as dean got pushed against the wall two men holding him there. The man walked up to dean with a smirk “Dont test me dean” He cut the side of deans neck lightly as he winced. 

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Sam and dean were tied to chairs next to you as your eyes didnt leave dean. You gave dean a small smile when he looked over at you fear and hate in his eyes. You were getting tired. To tired as the blood kept slightly flowing. You looked back down at your lap taking in a shaky breath before speaking “I…I knew…you..you guys would…show up” You gave sam a weak smile before looking back at dean. Dean looked you in the eyes not looking away. You wanted nothing more to just stare into his eyes and never look away but it got torn from you as the man grabbed the back of your head gripping your hair. Dean pulled at the ropes “Dont touch her” Dean gritted through his teeth. The man laughed “I knew I could get you all wound up, I cant wait to see what that mark does to you” Dean glared at him “Just wait untel I get loose… I wont kill you right away ill cut your chest open and rip your heart out” The man looked back to you with a smile grabbing his knife stabbing you in the stomach making you hunch over “No!” Both sam and dean yelled out as he pulled the knife from your stomach “FUCK YOU!” Dean screamed trying to get untied same with sam. “Now If you guys wanted to know. My name is Blaine..And im sure you wont forget it…” Dean wasnt listening to him he was trying to get you to look at him. “Y/N…” You kept hunched over you couldnt even cry anymore. “Baby…” Dean spoke trying to move his chair closing to you “Look at me baby” you turned your head as blood started to come out of your mouth. Deans face was filled with worry. “Stay with me..Your strong I know you are..” You nodded trying to breath spitting out the blood but more kept coming out. As dean spoke to you Blaine kept talking. Sam listened with his fist clenched “Why are you doing this” Sam spoke out as blaine looked at you and dean before looking back over at sam “I want answers…I need answers” “For what” Sam snapped back. “That my friend you dont need to know.” Sam got his hand loose waiting for Blaine to turn around only seeing three other men around the room all stood in front of them. Dean pulled on the ropes as hard as he could just wanting to touch you. As blaine turned around he was handed a gun from one of the men. As his back was turned to sam broke out of the ropes jumping up one of the men jumped infront of sam trying to stop him. 

Dean watched as anger started to boil inside of him. “Sam!” Dean yelled as sam knocked the man out as the others tried getting to him Blaine firing his gun shooting sam in the leg. Sam yelled out falling onto the floor right behind dean reaching up untying him. He knew what was coming next….Dean tried to hold back but the mark was burning turning his rage into something worse. Dean picked up the chair smashing it into one of the men then stomping on his head twice. Another man grabbed him from behind. Dean flipped him over his head picking up the the ice pick that was on the metal table shoving it into the mans mouth making him fall to the ground. 

As the fight was going on sam had untied you picking you up in his arms and limped out the door. Setting you down in the grass he pulled out his phone trying to call 911. No signal. Then he saw a big truck parked behind the gas station. “Ill be right back” He spoke to you as you curled up into a ball. Sam smashed the truck window opening the door as he began to hot wire it. Dean picked up the metal table next he threw it at the last man. Dean then kicked the table harder against him smashing him against the wall. Ripping off one of the table legs. He smashed the mans face in. Bullets hit the wall un tel one grazed deans side. He didnt even flinch turning around staring down Blaine. Gripping the table leg in his hand.

Sam sped to where you were lifting you onto the bench seat. You were shaking. He put your head in his hands. “Stay with me Y/N Your not dying. Your not leaving us” Everything was going black as you held your stomach. Sam took off his plaid shirt holding it against your stomach. “S-am” You tried talking. “Dont talk” Sam spoke. 

The gun clicked as Blaine pointed it at dean. He threw it down as Dean was walking towards him. pulling out his knife just as Dean Brought up the table leg blocking Blanies swing hitting his arm making the blade fall. Dean then hit his leg making Blaine fall to the floor. Dean got down putting his hand around his neck grabbing the knife that fell. “I told you what I was going to do..” Dean spoke glaring down at him as Blaine couldnt breathe. He began to cut down his chest…

Sam Came running into the building Freezing when he saw dean. What he was doing. He slowly walked up to them putting his hand on deans shoulder. “Dean…” Dean stopped standing up wiping the blood off his hands onto his jeans as Blaine looked up at them both un able to move anything else. “We need to get Y/N to the hospital…now” Dean rushed out the door and saw the truck door open with you laying inside of it. He got in moving you so your head was on his lap He held the shirt against you as you looked up at him. “Stay with me baby..” dean whispered as they sped off down the road. you opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. The black edges you saw were now over taking your vision, You passed out. “no no no” Dean spoke putting his hand on your face “Y/N! Wake up!” Sam sped as fast as he could. “Damn it NO!”

Read Part 3 Here