a bad drunk aunt

No Lyrics, Just Words

A secret santa gift for @no-denying-shes-a-funny-girl as part of the Bughead Secret Santa gift exchange!

Rating: G

Words: 2478

Summary: Even though they’re both writers, Betty and Jughead were never any good at communicating. That’s why long before there was an exchange of kisses, there was an exchange of music.

(A fluffy New Years fic with way too many song references.)

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20 Future Based Headcanons Featuring: Blue Exorcist


Before we get started, there’s something you’ve got to know. This will be based on if the characters from AnE married faceless Oc’s or whatever random character that exists but won’t be exploited. This is ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT THEY ALL MARRIED SOMEONE THAT WASN’T A MAIN CHARACTER. No RinShi, no YuShi, no YukioxShura, no BonIzumo, no RenZumo, no MephyxShura, and ABSOLUTELY NO AMAIMON X SHIEMI. (I mean… unless Yukio and Paku… but no. I won’t. I must resist temptation.)

1. Rin and Yukio would both have twins (both a boy and girl for each set). It’s a gene that runs in the family on both sides. (I.E. Yuri has a twin brother/sister and Satan had a tendency to screw demonesses that gave birth to twins. Lucifer and Samael; Egyn and Iblis; Azazel and Astaroth; Amaimon and Beelzebub.) 

2. They would name their children after their parents. Yukio’s kids would come first and he would try to name his kids Yuri and Shiro before Rin could. Then Rin would throw a hissy fit and name his son Yugure (headcanon name for the twin’s birth father whom Satan possessed to screw Yuri) while he would struggle for a month straight to name his daughter before his wife got sick of him and named her something like Ren or Ryoko. 

3. Shiemi would give birth to as many children (probably six) (all girls) as possible before it gained too much lackluster. With her luck, she would also end up giving birth to a Nymph or Dryad (NOT ON AMAIMON’S PART). She would also probably name them stuff like Aki (red), Ao (blue), Midori (green), Haru (spring/clear weather), and if she could get away with it: Ama (yes, short for Amahara). She’d probably pick some European names too. One’s that hold similarity to flora. For example Rose, Lily, Zinnia, Camellia, Lavender, Orchid, Magnolia, Tulip, Hibiscus, Plumeria… yes, I know. That escalated quickly. 

4. If he doesn’t die sometime soon with the way the Manga is progressing, Renzo Shima would probably marry a blonde, boobylicious babe from Europe. They’d end up having like one or two kids because he is not a big family type of guy. And if you think he’d name one of his kids Takezo or Yaozo to honor his family, think again. He’d do everything within his power to name them something that has NOTHING to do with his family. He’d want a couple girls too (although not sure if he’d get them), because if there’s one aspect he liked about his family, it was definitely his two sisters, Jun and Yumi, and his mother. 

5. Ryuji Suguro would probably marry an Aries girl to his fiery Leo personality (yes, I believe in that astrology crap. Get over it.) With that, he’d probably end up having a trio of boys, with maybe a little girl (whom he would spoil the hell out of as he is putty in her hands). They’d be super thin framed like Ryuji was when he was thirteen or fourteen, and they’d all be into soccer (For my European audience, I mean football) while the little girl would be as precious as they come - she would completely adore her Rin Oji-san!

6. Konekomaru Miwa would marry a bubbly girl who is almost everything he isn’t. Social, out there, and ready to talk to EVERYONE. They’d have one kid, a boy probably, and they’d be a quiet family. Miwa wouldn’t really talk about being an exorcist with his son, but he also wouldn’t stop his kid if he wanted to be a demon hunter like his father. 

7. Izumo Kamiki would probably have a couple of girls and one boy. She would name at least one of her girls Tamamo (because God knows that in the end, Izumo respected her mother) but she wouldn’t go about naming one of her children Tsukomo (as much as she adores that name.) She despises her father, Soji, and would NO WAY NO HOW name her boy that. It’d probably be something gentle like Zephyr. 

8. Shura Kirigakure wouldn’t have kids. Period. The annoying little snots. Hachiro ruined that thought for her anyway.

9. Demon Kings probably already have so many effing kids that it shouldn’t even matter at this point. Like… why would you want to see Amaimon or Samael or Lucifer with kids?? They’re emotionless, they don’t give a shit about reproduction. 

10. Rin would no doubt spoil his children, and at this point, he’d be the Paladin (and he’d be the BEST EFFING PALADIN THE TCO EVER HAD) and he’d tell his kids all about the adventures he was going on. And whenever he traveled out of the country he’d bring his kids all kinds of souvenirs. Yugure’s (son) favorite would be a South American bead necklace with a turquoise stone. Ren’s (daughter) favorite would be a snow globe containing St. Basil’s Cathedral - for some reason it reminds her of her Mephy Oji-san (who for some odd reason she admires and Rin has no idea why). 

11. Rin and Yukio’s families would share a penthouse that overlooks all of True Cross Town, and that would be an epic view. Rin and his wife do all the cooking because God knows Yukio and his lover can’t. Shiro, Yuri, Ren, and Yugure are all besties and they play video games together. Shiro and Yugure want to be exorcists, but Ren wants to be a Marine Biologist, and Yuri wants to be a writer/artist.  

12. Yukio would be an Arch Knight and Rin’s second-hand man (come on, we both know they’d be each other’s best man at their weddings). He’d do something similar with bringing back souvenirs for his kids, although they’d be a little less particular about it because they care more about learning about the culture than what’s actually down there to buy physically. He doesn’t spoil his kids like Rin does, and they’re fine with that. 

Shiro Okumura would start bleaching his hair once he discovers that Shiro Fujimoto (the man he was named after) did the same thing when he was young. Yuri Okumura would be a daddy’s girl and she would look like Yuri Egin (the woman she was named for). 

Yukio would probably keep a shotgun stored away somewhere, despite his wife’s protests because he knows, HE KNOWS that Todo and Lucifer are watching him and his family. He’s caught Lucifer in his children’s room before, staring at his kids and going: “Gee, I wonder if I can turn them over to the Illuminati.” After the fifth time it happened, Yukio put up Absolute Demon Seals around the whole damn place. That doesn’t really stop Lucifer, but dammit all if he can’t tell that Yukio is so done with his “elder brother’s” shit at this point. 

Yuri, tbh, is completely terrified of Lucifer stalking her. Shiro is just really annoyed with the thought and his mother had to talk him out of sleeping with a pocket knife under his pillow like Yugure does. 

13. Suguro’s kids have NO IDEA what they want to do with their life, although a couple of the kids are considering exorcism as a possibility. His daughter is such a priss about what she wants to do, so for now, she’ll just enjoy life. Suguro lives in the temple that used to belong to his family (Satan has yet to be defeated, but the temple has been restored and busy as ever) and is, of course, the Head Priest (as well as an Arch Knight). His kids love to run around and cause all kinds trouble. 

14. Shiemi (also an Arch Knight) would take over the Exorcist Supply shop, and whenever she’s not working as an exorcist, she’s managing the shop. Though most of the time she leaves it to her second eldest daughter (about thirteen and happens to be a Nymph) as her eldest (fifteen) wants to be an exorcist. 

15. Izumo Kamiki (ARCH KNIGHT) would love her children half to death. Tamamo would befriend a little half-demon child at school. A Kitsune who goes by Kit for short. They WILL get married one day, this Tamamo swears. Izumo encourages her to do whatever the hell she wants. The second eldest, Izumo is fond of the name Noriko, would want to be an exorcist. Again, Izumo encourages her to do whatever the hell she wants. Izumo would smother her son with kisses and hugs and lovely things without meaning to, which annoys Zephyr to no end. But there is NO DENYING IT. He is a Momma’s Boy, albeit just not a very proud one. 

Izumo lives in the Inari Shrine and is, wait for it, the Head Priestess. She doesn’t give a damn about what anyone in Inari thinks. Suguro thinks it’s kind of hot but refuses to admit that out loud, but it’s not like his girl can’t tell. Uke and Mike love playing with Zephyr and Noriko. 

16. Renzo would probably try to prevent his kids from having anything to do with exorcism but that wouldn’t really stop one of them from having his mother’s determination to be diligent. They’d also live in the restored temple with Suguro’s family.

17. Koneko would watch his kid quietly and make sure he was enjoying life. There’s no doubt that he two best friends: one that’s Renzo’s kids and one that’s Suguro’s little girl. Some things never change. They live in the restored temple.

18. Shiemi wouldn’t really have a fondness for Amaimon, and she finds it a bit strange that her second Nymph daughter is interested in the King of Earth. Most days, if Amaimon just so happens to be around, she tolerates him because her kids love him (she on the other hand, does not). Amaimon doesn’t quite understand what it means when the youngest girls of the bunch start calling him Amai-kun. But he thinks they’re cute, and he still so desperately wants Shiemi to be his bride just so he can piss Rin off. 

19. Shura would be the bad aunt and probably get both Shiro and Yugure prematurely drunk much to the chagrin of Yukio and Rin. She’d love to mess with each and every one of those little brats and tell them all kinds of stories from when Rin and Yukio were their age just to show that “Life’s horrible and if it’s easy, yer doin’ it wrong.” She ends up influencing Shiro to speak the way she does (this annoys Yukio greatly), and eventually, when she’s overstayed her welcome, Shiro will try to help her sneak back into the penthouse. Yukio always knows, but he doesn’t do anything about it because Shiro is a hopeless romantic and Shura is a badass Ninja. Shiro freaking idolizes his Shura Oba-san.

20. Mephisto loves to pop by and surprise Ren on special days, and he spoils his niece and nephew worse than Rin does. Lord knows that most of the presents addressed to all four children on Christmas morning are usually from Mephisto. Not like Rin or Yukio can do anything, being the Honorary Knight that he is. Although Rin lost count of how many times he’s chased Mephisto out of their house.