a bad author

Jack Zimmermann and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Title: Jack Zimmermann and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Author: ajackrabbitunderneath
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: None Apply
Completed: Yes
Word count: 712
Summary: There were two words written on Jack Zimmerman’s wrist. 
He needed to stay focused and stay determined, rather than preoccupy himself with silly little things like two words on his wrist. 
These two words were the bane of his existence.

Most memorable line: “Yeah, I know it’s French, I am the one speaking it,”

  • Me: (sees a book quote on Tumblr) OH! That looks good, I must read it. Right now. Today.
  • Me: (finds book at library and starts to read it) Lucky me! I am so excited about this book!
  • Me: (2 chapters into the book) So, this isn't what I was expecting at all. But my Tumblr buddies have good taste! Surely this is just a bad beginning and it will get better!
  • Me: (5 chapters in) I must have accidentally checked out the wrong book. Obviously I am a dummy and didn't read the title/author correctly.
  • Me: I obviously need to reread the post and see what the book's title actually is.
  • Me: (after triple checking the original post) Oh no. Oh dear. Oh my...

advice to white artist: when making characters of color (especially black and brown characters) don’t just;;; draw a white person and then change the skin tone. believe it or not its quite obvious to tell when you still had a white character in mind (still has the small lips, triangle nose, etc) and only made them black or brown in a half ass attempt to be diverse

actually look at features people of color have and study them please

gather round tumblr it’s time for a story about why you shouldn’t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation

i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren’t many plugs, i’m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there’s an he’s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch

but apparently

apparently

he thinks computers are full of satan or something

because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes, “you kids and your electronics.”

ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you’re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i’m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i’m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i’d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with “i’m sorry?” in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they’re caught off guard

“i’m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike” (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting and you want to hike in the mountains) “and we’re going to interact with each other.” he gives my computer a v pointed look

naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place: “i… like to write, and it’s easier on a laptop?”

“it seems to me” (HERE WE GO) “that your generation” (OH GOOD) “is losing the ability to interact with other people.” (O OK) “my grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!” 

and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree. 

so i say “you were born in the 50s, right?” he says he was born in 59. “well, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i’m really enjoying paying for your retirement.”

i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.

he stares at me. i stare back. 

“you also realize,” i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote into google, “that people have been saying kids these days since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” i look up at him. he’s staring at me still.

i’m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. “so it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i’m pretty sure you’re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.”

he goes beat red because now i’m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn’t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you

SO OF COURSE he says “did your parents teach you any manners?”

and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders, “well they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.”

at this point the dude’s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i’m like “yes please give me all your vodka” but instead i say “ice water” because the pavement is melting and if i puke from nerves after that, i don’t want to snort alcohol out my nose

that’s it that’s my story

A few literary suggestions for Black History Month

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Originally posted by imnot12

Maybe you know Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie from when Beyoncé sampled her TEDx talk, “We should all be feminists,” or maybe you’ve been following her emergence as one of the most prominent voices of African literature over the last two decades. Her latest novel, Americanah, was selected by The New York Times as one of the 10 Best Books of 2013.

Edna Lewis

Originally posted by robtrujilloart

Edna Lewis had a hell of a career. She worked her way up as a seamstress, eventually fashioning a dress for Marilyn Monroe. Then she became the first African-American celebrity chef. Then she broke her leg, so she wrote a cookbook. The Taste of Country Cooking was interspersed with personal stories of growing up in a freed-slave settled town in Virginia, and redefined what many thought of Southern food.  

Roxane Gay

Originally posted by lastnightsreading

Roxane Gay (@roxanegay), famed author of Bad Feminist, is a Tumblr favorite, and not just because you can follow her. She writes about what it means to be a woman of color. She’s the first Black woman to write for Marvel, and she’s writing queer WOC into their storylines. She pulled her unreleased book from publishers Simon & Schuster after their deal with Milo Yiannopoulos was announced. It’s easy to admire her actions as much as her writing. 

Follow these too:

Don’t miss our upcoming BHM Answer Times. This week and next week, we have:

Lame adaptations and sequels are always like, “how can Mina go back to her stifling Victorian marriage after her experience with the dark, seductive Dracula??”

Meanwhile, Mina marries her best friend, who she’s known since they were children, who she share common interests with, they build a home together, work as partners, make immense sacrifices for each other, support each other through their traumas.

Guys, a marriage isn’t stifling and restrictive just because two people… get along, I guess?

youtube

I know its a little late… but i wanted to contribute too

If you dont know about the whole thing that happned to @kiacii this kinda talks about it.

Comic Chain Contributors!

@yugogeer12 @nextale @loverofpiggies @deusn @character-quota-not-reached @bad-author

Also Thanks to all the Amazing Actors who voices this with me

@emzilight @robynhoody @ccandyvoice @starbotdubs @undertalepeasant @moonphyr @firereddragon

  • <p> <b>Some mainstream YA writer trying to write a "goth" character:</b> <p/><b></b> This is my character, her name is Raven (her real name is Sarah but she hates it) and she doesnt get along with her parents because they dont understand her. Shes a goth but shes not like other goths. She doesnt listen to actual goth music or care about the goth subculture. She doesnt fit in at school and does everything to push people away when secretly she wants friends and she'll whine about it in her spooky Jack Skellington diary later. Shes her own type of goth who pretends she hates being called goth but she actually likes it because she thinks it makes her look like a cool outsider. She also secretly likes cute, girly stuff and one day (possibly with the help of that cute popular boy she likes) she'll transform from her goth cocoon and turn into a beautiful butterfly of a woman who understands herself and loves her family and doesnt dress goth anymore.<p/><b>What i hear:</b> <p/><b></b> I dont actually know anything about goths or their subculture and im too lazy to do any research or talk to actual goths so that i can learn how to write a deep, realistic character that doesnt depend solely on cliches and stereotypes.<p/></p>
2

i needed to practice clean(ish) lineart so i doodled stuff from two fics!! the first is I Guess We’re The Same by @heeyitsmk​ and the second is We All Get Burned by @terwho

How much SJM writes

This is no way hate on ASOIAF (I read the first two books and enjoyed them), but they’re of comparable length to Sarah’s books (and the only other really thick books I’m familiar with). (Meaning acomaf, acowar, eos, qos,  tod)

A Game of Thrones came out in 1996 at 850 pages (so yes, longer than Sarah’s books). Two years later, 750 page sequel. Two more years, 1200 pages. Five years later (2005), 1100 pages. Six years after that, 2011, 1100 pages. Another six years and the sixth book isn’t out yet.

Substantial books. Obviously, GoT is one of the biggest names in TV at the moment because everyone follows it. Similarly, ToG is one of the biggest YA series at the moment.

[I’m not including ACOTAR in this, only QOS and beyond]

QOS-2015-650 pages

ACOMAF-2016-650

EOS-2016-700

ACOWAR-2017-700

TOD-2017-700

Now, to average those by publication time and pages etc

{sum of all the pages}/{years from first to most recent publication}

ASOIAF: 5000/15 = 333 pgs/yr

TOG: 3400/3 = 1133 pgs/yr

Now, these numbers feature rounding and aren’t uber precise but it’s an approximation. And maybe this can be critiqued because I picked GRRM who is notorious for being a slow writer.

But I’m not nitpicking that. Wyrd knows I hardly ever finish a fanfic and if I write a thousand words a day once a month I feel like queen of the world. My point isn’t to insult GRRM. 

My point is that SJM is writing a metric ton of words and pages every year. She also goes on tour for each book, and as we recently learned, has had her whole world turned upside down with her father. 

We’re spoiled. Most authors turn out a book a year, MAYBE two, or maybe every year and a half. And most of those books (at least the series I’m familiar with) are maybe half as long as ACOWAR. 

Again, this isn’t a critique of other authors. I write slow, lots of people do, and it’s not a crime.

But good lord cut the woman some slack. She’s a HUMAN not a word generator. Not an AI that can function without sleep/food/rest/emotions. An author is a person first. She has a family, friends, etc, and (some) people act like she should be shamed for being a bad author for needing an extra sixth months to not die of overworking herself.

Honestly, I don’t care if this is dramatic. Just… just be kind to people. Be patient. And think how much better they’ll be when the books aren’t rushed to high heaven.

Chapter 1: An Occurrence at the Three Broomsticks Inn


Summary: “Are you,” the disembodied voice moaned lowly, its tone shaking her guts, rattling her lungs, robbing her of air, cleaving her heart into halves. “Are you coming to the tree?

A/N: The Hunger Games/Harry Potter crossover. AU Everlark/HP canon divergent. Takes place several decades after the events of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows but has absolutely nothing to do with anything that happens in Harry Potter and The Cursed Child.

Rated E for explicit language, minor character deaths, disturbing imagery, and sexual content.

With thanks, as always, to my betas: @dandelion-sunset, @eala-musings, @everlylark, and @jennagill. For @thegreatorangedragon

Available on AO3.


The candle resting atop the pocked mahogany desk guttered, its feeble flame hissing as it met a sudden and unceremonial demise. It was the sixth time in as many minutes that a passing draught had extinguished the flame, and, plunged into darkness yet again, the witch who had been attempting to read by it sighed impatiently.

Lumos,” she grumbled under her breath, watching the letters of the charm curl away from her in the frosty air by the light of her wand. (Twelve inches of mahogany, with a phoenix feather core, the wood as unyielding as the witch who now held it and as scarred and battered as the desk in front of her).

But it was pointless.

Her office in the Astronomy Tower—with its ancient, cracked stones held together by crumbling mortar—was freezing. Whenever the east wind blew, the room became an ice cave, colder and darker and more haunted than the deepest reaches of the Great Lake. There was no spell or charm that could rid the tower of the pervasive chill that insisted on seeping into it, settling its way into the bones of anyone unfortunate enough to have to linger there for long. Even with a thick Himalayan Yeti wool blanket draped across her lap, she couldn’t stop shudders from wracking her body, rattling her slender frame so hard her teeth clacked in her skull.

So be it.

READ MORE>>>>>>

The Signs as Pirates

Aries: A crew of pirates that hail from a port city overrun with corruption. Their acts of disobedience put the crew at risk of being silenced forever so they escaped to the sea to develop their plan. They deliver supplies to residents of the city in the form of food and basic necessities as well as weapons for the brewing rebellion. The crew is on the run from corrupt officials but viewed as protectors by civilians.

Taurus: No other crew has been at sea as long as this one. This pirate crew is composed of several families that have sailed the same huge ship for countless decades. Their extensive knowledge of the sea is made clear by all the riches they have acquired and the jewels that dangle from their bodies. Other crews regard them with deep respect, making them pseudo-royalty in the seafaring world.

Gemini: A playful crew of master tricksters, sailing the world on a ship unlike any other–the crew constructed and repaired it as they traveled, which resulted in a ship with parts from all around the globe. The eclectic ship suits the crew well because each member joined the crew at a different location, creating a very diverse group. Days on the ship are filled with discussions, pranks, and learning about each member’s past life on land.

Cancer: The youngest known pirate crew. However, what they lack in years they make up for in courage and compassion. This ocean-eyed bunch boarded their ship and sailed away from a tragic past in a destroyed city. The crew protects each other from the dangers of the sea and takes in any lost children they encounter. Often underestimated for their youth and kindness, the crew surprises other pirates by coming to the rescue when another crew is in need.

Leo: These pirates sail in a ship plated with gold, crowned with ruby red sails and led by a beautifully carved marble lion figurehead. On board, the crew enjoys all the riches of the world, from diamond rings to emerald-crusted goblets. Exotic animals roam the deck, tigers and leopards dozing in the open sun and lionesses standing regally at the side of each crew member. It is considered an honor for your city to be visited by these pirates.

Virgo: Pirates that keep their ship docked in rocky caves with crystal-covered walls carved out of cliffs by ocean waves. These secret caves are also home to the crew’s legacy: tunnels leading to rooms filled with books written by crew members long passed, tables littered with hand drawn maps, and unique inventions and creations from all over the world. These pirates are known as the first to map the Seven Seas. 

Libra: Pirates who drifted away from civilization and became overcome by the beauty of the world. The crew can be found on islands with their immaculate ship anchored nearby, dancing in ankle deep water on white sand beaches to music made with their own handmade instruments. Seashells and pearls are tangled in their hair and they sip a beverage similar to wine.

Scorpio: This pirate crew is known by most people as half reality and half folk lore because they are rarely sighted and never communicate with people outside the crew. The dark sails of their ship loom on the horizon every full moon for only a few moments before they seem to disappear without a trace. People speak of their wild eyes and jewelry made of shimmering fish scales, crystals, and dark gemstones.

Sagittarius: A ragtag band of rogues and outlaws, banished from their homeland for refusing to support a tyrannical ruler. They have been given a bad name by authorities but this reputation could not be further from the truth. This crew remains deeply loyal to each other as they travel the sea and find themselves in risky situations. While battling sea monsters and saving stranded refugees, they risk their lives for each other and constantly display their “all for one and one for all” philosophy.

Capricorn: This pirate crew has roamed farther than any other, reaching the Arctic Circle. They’ve adapted to the freezing climate, living in solitude for most of the year and migrating back to the mainland along the equator only when they need supplies. They are industrious inventors and skilled hunters, but record all their secrets in a coded language that only crew members can decipher.

Aquarius: This pirate crew is known for the strange events that seem to follow them wherever they go–hurricanes suddenly calming when their ship approaches, worldly objects disappearing from their homes and reappearing on board the ship, and the strange way the crew abandons the ship for the sea every night, trading their legs for scaly fish tails in the light of the moon… The crew itself is few in number and each member is of the same rank.

Pisces: A pirate crew that drifts from coast to coast in a ship that reflects the sun in a way that makes it appear to be made of silver. The sails seem to be the color of the ocean itself. These pirates let the stars guide them across the sea, stopping in port cities periodically to trade handmade tapestries for supplies. Their arrival is met with anticipation because most people believe the crew has been gifted with the otherworldly power of clairvoyance.