a$vp life

What Cogs You Should Fight (In Real Life)
  • -> SELLBOTS <-
  • Cold Caller: They're probably like maybe 5 feet tall, but they can throw fire at you. Otherwise they're kind of weak. Fight this dude.
  • Telemarketer: They're a literal tree branch. Fight them. Do it. Use them as firewood if you want, I don't care.
  • Name Dropper: Fighting Name Dropper is conflicting — don't bring any money or valuable items because they WILL steal your shit and then shame you for not taking care of your teeth. But if you can stand having stuff taken and dental insult, then do it. Fight Name Dropper.
  • Glad Hander: Don't let them touch you and you'll be fine. Beat these nerds up.
  • Mover & Shaker: Like Telemarketer, they're literal sticks, but they can be titan sized so maybe don't fight these things if you get motion sickness.
  • Two-Face: Bring earmuffs if you want to live.
  • The Mingler: Don't say anything to them and you should be a-okay.
  • Mr. Hollywood: THEY'RE SO TALL WHY DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT THIS PROBABLY BUFF WEIRD ROBOT WITH SUNS FOR TEETH DON'T FIGHT MR. HOLLYWOODS IN REAL LIFE...
  • The VP: no oh my god what the hell are you doing do you want to dIE HE IS A LITERAL SENTIENT TANK MAN DO NOT FIGHT THE SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF SALES IN REAL LIFE
  • -> CASHBOTS <-
  • Short Change: Steal their money. Do it. It'll be funny and also you'll win. They might even cry too.
  • Penny Pincher: Distract them with crabs. Pinch pinch pinch
  • Tightwad: Just stick gum wads to them. It works a lot.
  • Bean Counter: Spill small objects everywhere. They'll be too distracted to even see you so make a run for it because these beanpoles aren't even worth your time.
  • Number Cruncher: AVOID THE FACE
  • Money Bags: Like. Their eyes are on top of their head pretty much. Aim them at the sun and you'll be good.
  • Loan Shark: Like Cruncher, avoid their mouths. But like, don't fight them? They didn't do a lot wrong. Don't fight Loan Shark, they're sad enough.
  • Robber Baron: Beat this piece of shit up he deserves it. Even more fun, get Lil Oldman to join you. Then you can fight TWO pieces of shit.
  • CFO: HE'S A MONEY TANK DON'T FIGHT THE CFO IN REAL LIFE
  • -> LAWBOTS <-
  • Bottomfeeder: Do it. But fight them somewhere clean, because like, trash only makes them stronger.
  • Bloodsucker: I guess? If you wanna fight a robot vampire lawyer that lives off your bad luck, go ahead.
  • Double Talker: Absolutely. Punch them in all 2 faces. More faces to punch, more weakness.
  • Ambulance Chaser: If you can stop them from running away, sure.
  • Back Stabber: Bring a gun, they won't expect it. Nobody brings knives to a gunfight, right? Absolutely.
  • Spin Doctor: Destroy them, they're really shitty DJs and also probably got their degree from Mayo Clinic. Fight Spin Doctor.
  • Legal Eagle: Have you ever wanted to punch a buff robot furry? Well now you can. Beware the beak and talons though. Fight Legal Eagle.
  • Big Wig: Wears a wig, just tug on it and they'll go ballistic. Fight Big Wig.
  • CJ: He's made fun of by some toons for being blind, please give him a break.
  • -> BOSSBOTS <-
  • Flunky: They already have a hard enough time doing their job, why would you want to fight a Flunky.
  • Pencil Pusher: Fight a giant sentient pencil. Fight Pencil Pusher.
  • Yesman: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
  • Micromanager: You can like. Just step on them. Don't fight Micromanager, you're OP. They're probably just small babies in a suit.
  • Downsizer: Don't fight Downsizer. He'll shrink you until Micromanager can step on you.
  • Head Hunter: are you out of your mind don't fight this monstrosity with a tiny head and gIANT ARMS
  • Corporate Raider: DO NOT FIGHT CORPORATE RAIDER THEYRE LITERAL PIRATES DO NOT FIGHT A ROBOT BUSINESS PIRATE
  • The Big Cheese: Just eat nachos or something with melted cheese, it will unsettle them enough to make them forfeit.
  • CEO: again, no
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150503; HAPPY BIRTHDAY BB kookaes​ ♡ 
tae + kook headers // i love you! ♡