The Akatsuki Texting

Let’s pretend that the Akatsuki stuck around long enough to see mobile phones being introduced into the Naruto world. How would each of them text?

1. Pein: Sets a signature and doesn’t realize it

Pein: “Konan, make sure that everyone knows how to send me their weekly report via text I am god.”

Pein: “Oh and if you can bring me a coffee too, that would be great I am god.”

Konan: “Do you have a signature for texting?”

Pein: “What’s that? I am god.”

2. Konan: Uses emoticons a lot

Konan: “ /(・ × ・)\ “

Pein: “What is that supposed to mean? I am god.”

Konan: “It’s a bunny!! (^ _ ^)/ “

Pein: “Oh. Very nice Konan. I am god.”

3. Deidara: Spams people

Deidara: “Hey”

Deidara: “Hey”

Deidara: “Hey”

Sasori: “WHAT do you want you idiot?”

Deidara: “Your art sucks get a real hobby.”

4. Sasori: Doesn’t reply for days

Pein: “Sasori did you manage to get that scroll I asked about? I am god.”

Pein: “….. I am god.”

Sasori: “Yea”

Pein: “I sent that 5 days ago it doesn’t matter anymore. I am god.”

5. Hidan: Doesn’t care about grammar

Hidan: “Ur a fucgucking asshol get a lif”

Kakuzu: “What the…what the hell does that even say?!”

Hidan: “fcuk u jerk shitty asswipe monee loviing pice of shit”

Kakuzu: “Don’t ever text me again.”

6. Kakuzu: Tries to scam people

Kakuzu: “Your bank account has been hacked into. Please provide us with your login and PIN so we can fix this issue for you.”

Kisame: “Kakuzu I saved your number onto my phone I know it’s you”

Kakuzu: “Please provide us with your login and PIN so we can fix this issue for you.”

Kisame: “That means no.”

7. Kisame: Uses it for it’s intended purpose…only

Kisame: “Hey boss I finished the mission.”

Pein: “Ok. I am god.”

Kisame: “Hey boss I finished the mission.”

Pein: “Ok. I am god.”

Kisame: “Hey boss I finished the mission.”

Pein: “Ok. I am god.”

8. Itachi: Sends chain messages to Sasuke

Itachi: “If you love your brother send this to TEN PEOPLE. If you don’t then you will have BAD LUCK for the next 10 years!!”

Sasuke: “Itachi….”

Itachi: “YOU HAVE JUST BEEN VISITED BY THE FAMILY ANGEL! Pass this on to five people and you will be loved for the rest of your life!”

Sasuke: “Itachi stop.”

9. Tobi: Send anonymous hate since no one saved his number

???: “You are the worst leader I have ever had the misfortune to take orders from.”

Pein: “WHO IS THIS? I am god.”

???: “Your hair looks stupid.”


???: “Samehada doesn’t really love you.”

Kisame: “You are a cruel, heartless person who doesn’t deserve happiness.”

10. Zetsu: Uses it once a year to send a mass text

Zetsu: “Happy national tree day.”

Konan: “You too.”

???: “I’m gonna chop down a tree today.”

Kisame: “Right back at ya Zetsu.”

Your Akatsuki boyfriend according to your sign:

Aries: Itachi Uchiha

Originally posted by indraotsutsuki

Taurus: Yahiko

Originally posted by xxuchiha-harunoxx

Gemini: Hidan

Originally posted by inuzukaichizoku

Cancer: Deidara

Originally posted by grimmkitty-k

Leo: Kakuzu

Originally posted by izayadragon

Virgo: Tobi / Obito Uchiha

Originally posted by edo--tensei

Libra: Pein / Nagato

Originally posted by osxka

Scorpio: Kisame Hoshigaki

Originally posted by edo--tensei

Sagittarius: Sasuke Uchiha

Originally posted by kakahsi

Capricorn: Sasori

Originally posted by rogueuchihaninja

Aquarius: Zetsu

Originally posted by chesterfeattim

Pisces: Orochimaru

Originally posted by fernandafrisson




Kaguya no Chikara o Te ni Shitai” (I Want to Get Kaguya’s Power) was parody of “Kaguya no Shiro de Odoritai” (I Want To Dance In Kaguya’s Castle), a song by  μ’s.


Commish me ♥

anonymous asked:

can you do a headcannon of how it would be to be on the members of the Akatsuki teams. ( ex: pein and konan, kisame and itachi )

Kakuzu and Hidan 

Being on this team is just a huge tug of war between two five year olds honestly. You’re either on Kakuzu’s side or Hidan’s side and if you chose neither side, then they BOTH will go after you with relentless teasing, taunting, attacks and name calling. If you wanna be on this team, be prepared for it is all I’ll say. 

Pein and Konan

Being with Pein and Konan on a team is… quiet. They’ll talk every now and then, maybe complain about the Akatsuki and talk slight shit about them, but it’s quiet time and plenty of tea/sake drinking and shuffling through papers and files on what the next mission will be. They’re important mommy and daddy to keep this place in one non-functional piece. 

Itachi and Kisame

The only sensible team, if you wanna be sane, stay with them for the love of God. They’re quiet when they need to be, can hold intelligent conversations, Itachi does crack jokes every now and then when he’s finally comfortable around you and trusts you and Kisame is the pun master. You’ll actually have fun with them and whenever a mission is successful, they treat themselves to a drink and some lunch/dinner.

Deidara and Sasori 

Stay neutral, agree with both sides, and play nice. If you don’t agree with both of them (or at least one of their) ideas on art, you’ll have both of them arguing against you on art and it will be a neverending circle of hell. The arguments are while you three try to sleep, while you three eat, walk back to the base….you swear you can hear Sasori being petty and mumbling his disagreements on Deidara’s views while the blond sleeps at night. 

Deidara and Tobi

You’ll be driven up a wall with these two. It’s best to invest in a pair of ear plugs, because they would make the most patient of saints want to kill the both of them. Tobi is constantly pissing Deidara off for no reason or “just for fun”, in which Deidara tries to blow him up or attacks him physically. You three have been thrown out of and banned from multiple eateries because of their antics. 

Tobi and Zetsu 

Sensible yet insane. Obito keeps his act up while you’re around, but when Zetsu finally tells him to “calm down” or “cool it”, he actually tones his wild side down a bit. Which, thankfully, is relieving. You’ll get your daily dose of Tobi, but when you turn your head or sleep, you swear you can hear a deeper, calmer voice talk to Zetsu. Tobi’s still there, wth?