could you make a list of your favorite paul headcanons, please?
- paul being born in december and then being made fun of as a kid for being the youngest in class is my personal fave bc i love when people drag paul he’s an asshole n i hate him - paul can’t braid hair for shit BUT he knows how to tie a pretty bow in claire young’s hair who always requests her hair bows be tied by him because “uncle p knows how to do it best” - his favorite pastries by yung e-money r her strawberry muffins topped w/ plain yogurt (this headcanon has made appearances in my kared one-shot and rach/paul four-part mini-fic) - he and jared r Best Buds and live to annoy Samuel Uley - he visits his mom in Tacoma often despite his dad’s annoyed protests - paul gets angry so often even he’s annoyed of his own outbursts but would never admit because he’s a Cocky Little Shit - PAUL HAD AN EMO/GOTH PHASE WHICH HE FLAUNTED ON MYSPACE (much to his current dismay) AND HIS IMPRINT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR IT (said imprint’s phone wallpaper is 15 yr old paul with bangs and eyeliner with some awful caption like “who’s scared of the big bad wolf? >;D”) - paul’s actually rlly good at math,, specifically algebra - gets genuinely angry over the fact that alcohol has no effect on him anymore (except old quil’s moonshine that shit could fuck up a vampire if ingested) - has no idea what to do with little children (except claire young who is his Best Pal) that when he’s handed a baby he’s immediately uncomfortable and stiffly holds the child with an awkward face until it is taken away from him - WAS THAT ASSHOLE THAT NEVER GAVE BACK BORROWED PENCILS BECAUSE HE WOULD LOSE THEM - doodles shit in tests to piss off his teacher like an intricately drawn flower with a dick - is this stupid little shit:
binch more drake x olivia content ASAP !!!!! !! HUSTLE!!!!!!
omg as if i needed an excuse to get into this!!! YEET
DRAKE AND OLIVIA THE CRACKSHIP OF MY DREAMS
they have an art class GE together that they both hate
she’s the only person drake knows on the first day so he sits by her and she pretends to be annoyed but really she kinda wants to score some dirt on liam
those seats then become the unspoken “"assigned seats”“ so now they’re stuck there
they sit in the very back row and talk shit the entire class
the prof is so annoyed with it that one day he asks them a question about some art shit and olivia literally says “my dogs make more money than you” and he just quietly retreats
oh yeah olivia’s dogs are instagram famous also
they have a lucrative deal with petco
both olivia and the dogs have been trained well to get that yUNg cash money $$$$ dolla dolla billz
drake is Scared of her but also sort of in awe of the power
one day she tells him she’s a republican and he’s like ?!??!?!!
but also…….. strangely turned on
olivia loudly chews gum the entire class
she is also always simultaneously drinking a trenta sized frapp (extra whip, cookie straw)
sometimes she offers drake a sip
drake: well what flavor is it olivia: vanilla bean bitch, just like you drake: wow actually im only HALF american, so
olivia asks if he wants to study with her before the midterm and against his better judgement he says yes
when he shows up at her apartment he discovers it’s actually an AMBUSH by the fashion club
olivia: stop wearing chambray shirts drake!!! it’s been done!!!!!! drake: what’s a chambray this is just a blue shirt olivia: ugh you diSgUSt me,, here please wear this vintage leather jacket before u speak to me any further drake: why are you untying my shoelaces
anyway so drake tries to get info about olivia out of liam
like why is she crazy?? why is liam sort of friends with her???? is she even a natural redhead????????
liam like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “idk our moms were in the same debutante class”
next time they study drake stipulates it MUST be at his place so as not to be ambushed
olivia agrees and they actually study for maybe like three minutes??
then she wants to bitch about how liam doesn’t love her
so drake bitches about how mc doesn’t love him
they BOTH bitch about maxwell
olivia: he’s so overrated can u believe he never invites me to his parties drake: but you’re…… always at them olivia: so are you drake: i live here
basically at some point they’re so riled up about it they just start making out
and it is……. Much
drake: say it olivia: i didn’t vote for obama drake: NUT
afterwards they just lay there on the bed in complete silence
each Knowing what they have done,,, yet not wanting to acknowledge it
finally olivia’s like well i have a mani/pedi scheduled in an hour so
and she just leaves
maxwell: did I just see OLIVIA leaving OUR HOUSE >:( drake: no it was just a large autumn leaf maxwell: oh ok :)