Angst November Day 11: “Letters never sent/words never said”

Cool things about today at NC Comicon (11/12/16)
  • Gerard overslept bc he was up all night writing, so the 10am Young Animal panel started without him. He eventually shuffled onstage around 20 mins late but they didn’t have enough seats for him at the table so he had to sit awkwardly at the end and he had to have a handheld mic instead of a nice table mic.
  • He rubbed his face and eyes a lot which is one of my fave little things that he does.
  • Some nice person brought him coffee bc he pointed out that he hadn’t had any yet (didn’t know he could physically get out of bed without it but apparently he can, sorta) and we all applauded :)
  • Gerard showed us the original sketch for Mother Panic and we learned that he’d drawn it whilst sitting in a dentist waiting room when Lindsey was getting her wisdom teeth removed.
  • He talked about how awesome it was working with Klaus Janson bc Klaus had been one of his teachers at SVA (School of Visual Arts). Aw.
  • The Mother Panic panel talked about how they had to consult with the Batman people (bc Mother Panic takes place in Gotham) whom they kept brilliantly referring to as “The Bat Office”.

And now for some shitty photos. I took some reasonable ones here.

I can’t believe I’m posting. I never thought I’d have the confidence. I feel sick with nerves but if I can help just one lady feel better it is worth it. This does not mean I have no respect for myself.

Day to day I see girls with wonderful bodies posing in next to nothing, and see mums with wonderful bodies. I find myself feeling so low, wondering ‘why can’t my body look like that?’

Day to day I see mums looking beautiful and wonder how on earth they did it. But I realise that we don’t see mums like me because so many of them feel upset about their bodies.

I bought a new top today and looking in the mirror trying it on I didn’t feel upset, or embarrassed. I felt beautiful. This is a big thing for me as I also suffer with suspected body dysmorphia… And depression which generally makes you feel shit about yourself. So I had to take a picture. I thought my legs looked beautiful, my thighs… And then for once, my stomach. The stomach which was home to my beautiful daughter for nine months. The stomach which made her and conceived her. And the stomach which houses my iron liver, after all I’ve put it through.

Why am I posting this? Because girls, it has took me a long time to get to a point where I felt beautiful. It actually gave me tears in my eyes because after being teared down all my life, bullied about my mental condition, my looks, being hurt by men, I never thought I’d look in the mirror and think 'actually you aren’t half bad at all!’

All women are built in different shapes and sizes. Our bodies go through alsorts day in day out. We are all beautiful no matter how many scars we have, how many stories our body shows. Love your body, you only get one. You are a warrior, and if I can love myself so can you.

I can finally say I am a 'yummy mummy’ and I am proud.

  • Newt's mother: So how did you two meet? Was it super romantic?
  • Tina: Well... Umm...
  • Newt: Erm... Uh...
  • Newt's mother: oh it must be too juicy to say! *winks*
  • Newt: MUM!!!!
  • Tina: *sighs and rolls eyes* it was definitely something...
  • Imagine Bruce finally coming to the conclusion that he just can’t help Jason, that he’s too rough to be Robin, he’s too course for such a role, afraid Jason will put someone in the ER soon
  • Imagine Jason hearing Bruce confide to Alfred that he’s trying to figure out how to tell Jason that he can’t allow him to be Robin anymore because he doesn’t think Jason is fit for it
  • Imagine Jason running out of the mansion, ignoring Bruce calling his name and going to the Tower in a fit of emotions because at least there he’d be away from Bruce and Dick is away so no one should be there since the team was on a mission
  • Imagine him breaking down once he get into the Tower because being Robin is his life and Bruce is taking it away from him; how could he when he knew how much it meant to Jason
  • Imagine Dinah just coming to the Tower to get a status report on the team’s mission from Red Tornado and she hears the sobbing and recognizes that voice even if she’d never heard it this heartbroken before 
  • Imagine Jason confessing what he’d heard to Dinah and Dinah just holding him because she’s sad and angry and if she opens her mouth she’s afraid she’ll let out a cry and she doesn’t want to hurt Jason, not more that he’s already been hurt
  • Imagine her holding Jason till he cry’s himself to sleep so she puts him in his room in the tower because she doesn’t want to let Bruce anywhere near her Robin
  • Imagine everyone getting out of the way when Canary beams up to the Justice League Tower because no one has ever seen Black Canary this angry, not even Green Arrow had managed to make her this angry, and when she demands that Batman get up to the Tower they just go pale because they think this isn’t going to end well
  • Imagine Batman showing up to the Tower and he’s the picture of composure, not even seemingly ruffled that his second son has run away, and Dinah just loses it
  • Imagine Dinah letting loose on Batman, going on about how Bruce has never been able to relate to Jason well and how he’s never taken Jason to the side and actually asked if he was okay, just telling giving Jason this impression that he had to bottle everything up inside of talking to someone like he should’ve
  • Imagine Bruce trying to defend himself to Dinah, telling her to stay out of his family business but she just insists that Jason is like a son to her and that she won’t allow him to hurt him anymore and that Bruce has done enough damage
  • Imagine Bruce not understanding where she’s going with this and she tells him that she’ll be taking over Jason’s care, not asking just flat out telling Bruce that she’s going to do it
  • Imagine her not listening to Bruce’s excuses about how she couldn’t do this and just going back to the Tower and going to see her new son, who has woken up and is embarrassed that he let anyone see such a side to himself 
  • Imagine Canary telling Jason that she’s taken care of Bruce and that she wants him to consider dropping Robin; Jason’s shoulders just fall at that because he thought that she’d understand, but then she tells him that she wants him to become her sidekick instead 
  • Imagine Canary announcing that Robin has left the team when the team returns from the mission and Nightwing is just shocked, he doesn’t understand what has happened but Canary won’t give him anything other than ‘ask Batman if he can stomach telling you’
  • Imagine Nightwing asking Bruce and being furious when Bruce tells him he was taking Robin away from Jason; he asks Bruce where Jason is now but Bruce doesn’t know, he only knows what Canary tells him and all she’ll say is that Jason is safe 
  • Imagine a few months later the team gets into trouble on a mission and this figure jumps in, a bo staff in one hand and starts to take out the guards, the boy seems familiar but they’ve never seen this costume before with its black suit and black jacket with a holster on the back for the staff
  • Imagine the boy having a black domino mask similar to Robin’s but this one seems different and there are no other colors until they see the back of the jacket and there’s this violet silhouette of a chickadee
  • Imagine them getting back to the Tower and the boy with the chickadee walks to Black Canary and hugs her, she tells him how well he did and she’s proud of her Chickadee 
  • Imagine the boy turning around with Canary’s arm around him and introducing her son, Chickadee to the team and now that they get a good look at him they recognize Robin 
  • Imagine Nightwing gasping in shock and saying Robin but Jason merely cocks his head to the side and tells him that he wasn’t away Batman had a Robin at the moment and that he wasn’t Robin, not since he’d chased that last one off
  • Imagine Jason standing tall and introducing himself, “My name is Chickadee”
  • Imagine Black Canary standing behind Chickadee and smiling like the proud mother she now was, with her little Chickadee at her side