You-said-tomorrow-yesterday

Day 2: Love/Loyalty

“Father, the other kids in the class know I am your son. They think I cheated on the test. I promise I didn’t cheat.”

“I know, Erwin. Don’t pay attention to them.”

“Yes, sir.”

*****

“Father, the other kids wouldn’t let me play marbles with them today.”

“You can try again tomorrow.”

“You said that yesterday. Father, they are never going to let me play with them.”

“Then they aren’t worth the effort it takes to worry about it. They are just jealous, ignore them.”

*****

“Father, I’ve done a terrible thing.”

“Come now, Erwin. It can’t be that bad.”

“I told them, Father. About the walls. I didn’t mean to. I just got so angry. They were laughing at me again.”

“Erwin, it’s okay. It’s nothing.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

*****

“Father, you promised. You were wrong. They are taking me to the orphanage today. I miss you so much. I’m all alone now. I’ll visit when I can.”

*****

“Father, I was accepted into the cadets today. I’ll be going into the military. I’m going to join the Scouting Legion. I will prove your theories. They will see they executed an innocent man. I promise you, Father.”

*****

“Father I think I made a friend today. His name is Mike Zacharias. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m not like everyone else. He’s large, probably the biggest man in our class, but I guess I am still small though. Having my first friend does make things a little more bearable.”

*****

“Father, I passed the 3DMG test. It is amazing! It feels like flying. It’s a freedom I’ve never experienced before. I’m still a little clumsy at landing, and not as graceful as some, but I’m getting better.”

*****

“Father, I met a girl. Her name is Marie. She’s beautiful. She’s a bar maid at the tavern we frequent. I think Nile likes her too, though. I think she is wanting to get married. I can’t give her that. I am going to join the Scouting Legion. Their survival rate is a little better than half. I cannot marry…ever. I will not leave behind a widow.”

*****

“Father, I graduated today. I was top of my class. Mike and I are going to join the Scouting Legion. Nile was going to go with us, but he asked Marie to marry him and she said yes. He’s joining the military police instead. Wish me luck, Father.”

*****

“Father, I’m sorry if I have been gone for a while. I didn’t know how to explain…

I made it through my first expedition. It was…oh god Father, it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. The screaming, the smell, the blood…

I don’t know if I can do this. Please, give me the strength.”

*****

“Father, I met someone today who…how can I describe him? It’s almost as if he has wings! He was living in the Underground, a thug, but to watch him fly…

I recruited him. It’s a gamble. He was hired to kill me, but I think I can convince him to stay as a soldier. His name is Levi, and he’s amazing.”

*****

“Father, I think I’m in love. With Levi. Is that wrong? I can’t stop thinking-

Father, I have to go. They are saying that wall Maria has been destroyed by Titans!”

*****

“Father, the wall was destroyed. The refugees were sent to wall Rose. I have orders to gather a group of refugees and train them as soldiers in an effort to reclaim Maria. It won’t work. I’m sick because I know that this mission is a farce. These innocent people are going to die. They have to thin the population. There isn’t enough food…I don’t want to do this…

*****

“Father, I hope you’re proud of me. I’m the commander of the Scouting Legion now. We will take back what is ours.”

*****

“Father, I have news. There is a boy who can turn into a Titan and control it. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited this has made me. He said there are answers in his home in Shiganshina…

The bad news is that Wall Rose has been breached and gate is no longer functioning. I won’t be able to visit as often, I have so much work to do.”

*****

“Father, I…I really messed up. The Female Titan…she killed so many good soldiers…it was all my fault. I underestimated what these Titan shifters are capable of. Levi’s entire squad…he will never forgive me. I don’t deserve it.”

*****

“Father, I was almost court martialed today, but we were able to capture the Female Titan.”

*****

“Mike, my friend. I’m so sorry. I wish it had been me. I need you now, more than ever. I let you down. I’m sorry, so very sorry…

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry…”

*****

“Commander? It’s Armin. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t think that I deserve to be here over you. I’ll try my best to deserve it.”

*****

“Commander. It’s Eren, Eren Jaeger. I just want to say thank you. You gave up so much to protect me. I’m sorry this happened. Thank you again.”

*****

“Hey asshole, it’s me. We made it to the ocean today. The water was the same blue as your eyes. It was shitty. It wasn’t right to be there without you. I hope you can forgive me for letting you die. Be glad I did. This thing is bigger than even you could have seen. I hope you’re resting. I wanted that for you…I just couldn’t turn you into one of those monsters. You deserve better. It’s just…I don’t know if I can do this without you anymore. I don’t want to. Erwin, you bastard, you left me, and I need you. I love…dammit, I love you, you fucker.

Rest well.”

The “Just Start!” Mentality

I’ve reblogged several things and seen several things about “If you would just start instead of talking about it for X amount time, imagine all the progress you could have made” or “You said tomorrow yesterday, so start now.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot this past week because I’ve been excited about my weight loss/fitness progress and getting inspired to move forward to my ultimate goals. Because I’m doing well my thought process starts to be like “Just do it! I’m doing it! I never thought I could, and look!” I’ve thought this way about my mother, my father, my husband, my good friends… But then I remember a-year-ago-me and how frustrated, angry, or sad that kind of talk would make me.

You are not ready until you are ready. Sometimes there’s a single thing holding you back (in my case it was not dealing with my mental health). Sometimes there are family things or work things that make you feel like it’s impossible right now. And I think that’s okay. Working on yourself for yourself does not always have to look like weight management. Learn to love yourself where you are no matter what. So don’t “Just Start” - “Just Be” and find ways to love that whether that’s dealing with mental health, loving on your family, or starting a new hobby! The other stuff will fall into place.