Some thoughts on the Watson marriage

First of all, upfront: I believe Mary and John sincerely loved each other and were genuinely trying to make their relationship work. But clearly, at least on some levels, it was not working, and I want to play armchair marriage counsellor for a bit and look at why.

So, obviously, the first major misstep in their marriage is Mary lying about her history and identity, and then shooting John’s best friend to protect her secret.  Why didn’t she just tell him who she was from the beginning? 

MARY: John can’t ever know that I lied to him. It would break him and I would lose him forever.

She was terrified that he wouldn’t love her if he found out about her past.  What might have given her that idea?  What messages was John sending her that his love was conditional on her being ordinary, sweet, and safe?

In some ways, John’s behavior after he finds out the truth proves her fears unjustified.  Though he struggles for a while, he doesn’t leave her, and he makes a renewed commitment to their relationship.  So far so good.  But look at what he says to her:

JOHN: The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future … are my privilege. It’s all I have to say. It’s all I need to know.

It’s a very romantic moment, and clearly well-intentioned. And Mary is grateful for his forgiveness, and agrees to move forward with him.  But there’s a mixed message hidden in John’s statement.  In throwing away the thumb drive unread, he’s confirming her suspicion that he can’t love the person she was in the past, only the persona she has created.  

MARY: You don’t even know my name.
JOHN: Is ‘Mary Watson’ good enough for you?

Here again – it’s a lovely and romantic sentiment, but even as Mary was thrilled to accept his forgiveness, she must have gotten the message that Mary Watson is acceptable, but her history as Rosamund is not.  That could only have heightened her sense of insecurity in the relationship.  It would have been a much more generous gesture on John’s part if he had simply asked her name at that moment, instead of shoving it into the closet of things we must never speak of.

In TST, John acts surprised that Mary is still keeping secrets from him, but what choice did he give her?  He basically told her there’s this whole part of her life that he doesn’t want to hear about.  

And when he does catch her in her lies, John tries to be understanding, but he makes another small mistake with big repercussions:

JOHN: Mary, I may not be a very good man, but I think I’m a bit better than you give me credit for, most of the time.

I think what he means is that he’s not as judgmental as she thinks – she doesn’t need to hide from him, because he would support her even in difficult times.  But by phrasing it in terms of him being “good”, he also unintentionally reminds her that she is not good.  This is a difference between them in her mind: he is good and she is bad.  

MARY: You’re always a good man, John. I’ve never doubted that. You never judge; you never complain. I don’t deserve you.

She seems here to be accepting his claim that he won’t judge her. But in saying that she doesn’t deserve him, she’s highlighting the fact that he makes her feel lesser, which makes her insecure and leads her to lie and misrepresent herself in order to seem “good” enough for him.  

Once they get back home, she states this problem again, even more clearly:

MARY: You don’t make it easy, do you?
JOHN: What d’you mean?
MARY: Well, being … being so perfect.

Unmistakably, she is trying to tell him how hurt she is by the roles they’ve unwittingly assigned each other: Perfect John and Bad Mary.  And at last, it seems like John gets it. Before they’re interrupted, he starts to tell her about his affair in an effort to reassure Mary that neither of them is perfect.  It feels like the best chance they have for a fresh start based on a better understanding of and respect for each other as real, flawed people.

Then, sadly, Mary dies before they are able to hash this out. And one of the most tragic elements of her death scene is this:

MARY: Being Mary Watson was the only life worth living.

Mary wants to leave their relationship on the best note possible, but it breaks my heart that even with her dying breaths, she feels the best way to do this is to deny the “bad Rosamund” that John always seemed to be rejecting, and present herself as the “good Mary” that she believed John wanted her to be.

And the thing is, I don’t think John ever intended her to feel that way.  He wears a conventional veneer, but Sherlock is right – deep down, John wanted to be with someone as dangerous and morally grey as he is.  He initially thought he wanted perfect Mary, but he really fell in love with the more complicated Rosamund underneath.

And yet, even though he loved her, forgave her, and respected her for the most part, a part of him was still angry and resentful over Mary’s betrayal, and I think he unconsciously picked on her for it in these subtle ways.  

Which is understandable, if not ideal.  But what *really* saddens me is what John says at the end of TLD:

JOHN: I’m not the man you thought I was; I’m not that guy. I never could be. But that’s the point. That’s the whole point. Who you thought I was… is the man who I want to be.

No, John, no!  He’s so close here, but then he gets it so wrong.  Mary doesn’t want you to be that perfect man she thought you were! Mary thought that dude was kind of a jerk!  And she was right, honestly.  What Mary was trying to tell you is, that man is sanctimonious, patronizing, and judgmental.  DON’T BE THAT GUY.  No one likes that guy, least of all Mary.  

Mary didn’t want a “good man”, she wanted a partner in crime. Someone who understood her and respected her – ALL of her, not just the pretty and well-behaved bits.  At your best, John, you were that partner, but at your worst, you were a superior, scolding, hypocritical prig.

I’m not sure, but I think (I hope?) this is what Sherlock’s getting at during this exchange:

SHERLOCK: It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling, from time to time, that we might all just be human.
JOHN: Even you?
SHERLOCK: No. Even you.

The lesson John needs to learn is not to be a better man for the perfect, imaginary version of Mary in his head, but to be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to the real, flawed person Mary actually was.  And to honor her memory, perhaps be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to people like her – including himself.

i promised everyone to catch up with their stories once i come back and guess what, i didn’t. and the more behind i am, the harder it gets to catch up so i’m like… yeh, c u never

edit: and i feel like i drank bleach askjakl i just ate salad that tasted like chloride, please pray for me thanks xo

  • Sabine: Ready your jet packs and target those gravity well projectors!
  • Ezra: Hey, I don't have a jet pack...?
  • Sabine: You have those little...thrusters.

[Photo: Me wearing a blue hat with a purple arrow knit in.]

First time trying out colorwork and it went okay! This is using a kinda Fair Isle technique that I bullshitted the pattern for. The hat as a whole is a weird size because I used the wrong gauge needle and ran out of yarn.

Got a good plan for the Doomtree pattern Imma try to do for my brother’s birthday though!

free willy

Okay BUT
What’s the big deal with drawing animal genitalia? Like you can not include it and it’s fine, no one’s gonna bat an eye
But when you do draw it you get people running from the depths of the earth to proclaim that you did, indeed, draw balls on your dog
Some people even seem weirded out by it but like! Animals have their gents hanging out willy nilly, even my gecko has massive balls, y'all can look over and see it irl at any time, why is it weird to acknowledge animals have crotches, please

How are you?

I’m almost done with a comic I’ve been working on for a while. I almost scrapped it a while back. I’m glad I picked it up again. Maybe some people will like it on here, I’ll just be glad knowing I’m still able to produce work. Thanks to everyone who’s still sticking around.

I went as a very lame and quickly put together Noora to a con today. Bc her clothes are pretty ordinary for a con i decided to make it more clear by sticking this to my back. And lo and behold, one (!!) person got the reference. lmao.

Tagz for dayz

Hey!! I was tagged by @lesterdreams (ilysm 💕) so uh… here we go I guess… ??? 😋

Name: Kaitlynn 😊

Name Meaning/Origin: Irish meaning pure 😇

Birth Month: March 🍀

Shoe Size: 9 😬

Orientation: pan/demisexual 🙃

Nationality: American 🙄

Favorite Weekday: Friday/Saturday 😎

Favorite Classic Book: alright listen here pal… i read a lot of books and to tell me to choose a favorite is like telling me to choose a favorite child… i ain’t gonna do it 😂

Favorite Sound(s): rain on the roof, cats purring, soft wind blowing through the trees, fire places, soft background piano music, people genuinely laughing, heart beats 🌸

Milk/Sugar in Tea/Coffee: all of the above 😜

Average Walking Time a Day: a lot 😐

Dragons or Unicorns: Unicorns 🦄

Bed sheets Color/Pattern: I have a light blue and white comforter with little snowflake/flower patterns on it ❄️

I tag: @iidkailee @philling-trashy @blazing-eyes @mcrswsptv-trash @tinysuzy @gigglygaymush those are just the ones off the top of my head but if you see this and want to do it just say I tagged you !! 💕💕

I was tagged by the amazing @fuwaprince (๑♡3♡๑)

Name : Dani

Nickname(s) : Blair (I guess??), Satan

Gender : Cis Girl

Starsign : Cancer

Height : 5″3

Sexual orientation : Lesbian

Hogwarts house : I don’t know ;u;

Favorite colour : Would you believe me if I said pastel pink? ehe~ But I also really like black, red, light purple and a few others~

Favourite colour to paint the walls : I guess beige colours?? My mom painted the house different beige type colours and it’s pretty nice~

Favourite colour lipstick : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t wear lipstick >3>;

Favorite animal : Too many ;w;

Time right now : 6:50 pm

Cat or dog person : I grew up with cats so I’ll have to say the kitties ;u;

Favourite fictional characters : Aaahh there’s so many~! I’ll only list a few (er try only a few aha ;;) Kanoe Yuuko, L, Luffy, Cyan, Tohru, Kotori, Rin Okumura, I could go on ehe~

Number of blankets I sleep with : One or two~

Favourite singer/band : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dream trip : Pompeii~!! 

Dream job : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m currently hoping to make a career in museums, but idk what to call that ;;

When was this blog created : Umm.. Well I had this url saved for a while, but didn’t actually do anything with it until a year ago I think? I have no idea, my memory is terrible ;o;

What made you decide to get a tumblr : Constant nagging by friends & my eventual curiosity ^^;

Why did you pick your URL : Because I am the overlord satan ψ(`∇´)ψ

Last film you watched : Bon Cop Bad Cop, but I got sick like barely in it & fell asleep ;o;

Last song you listened to : Oohh umm… I actually can’t remember ;n; I haven’t listened to music in a few weeks because of being sick ;;

What time would you travel to : Future probably? I dunno

What fictional character would you hang out with for a day : Yuuko!! Or Kototi!! Or Rin!! >w<

I tag~ @kawaii-miunicorn @maidtea @hiyorichans @heartpoints @pinkiemarshmallow @kisu-meuwu @alpacaaffair @space-space-bby @kazemizu

Rules: Tag ten people you want to know better.
Tagged by: no one, but I wanted to do it anyway :)

1. Favourite colour: orange, mint

2. Siblings: 1 sister

3. Relationship: single
4. Pets: 2 turtles

5. Met a celebrity: I met and talked with Hermann Huppen, does he count? Anyway, he was very friendly and even drew me one of his characters when I just asked for an autograph. :’D Yay!
6. Last song listened to: Africa by Toto
7. Gender: female
8. Favourite fictional character: leaving anime aside, that would be (among others) Superman, Starfire, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Pocahontas & Donald Duck. 
9. Zodiac: Taurus
10. Last thing googled: tumblr tag game, bc I was searching for a good one lol
11. Coke or Pepsi: Coke, but I don’t really like either of them
12.Tea or Lemonade: tea I think - there are many kinds of tea, after all
13. Time right now: 21:51

14. Favourite subject: German language

15. Spirit animal:  I don’t know, I don’t really get the whole “spirit animal” thing
16. Favourite kdrama: I don’t watch them

Tagging: @retrosundae @ichigough @i-laugh-at-gravity-all-the-time @salzrand @ciebei @sun-moon-and-talia @sandwichesandsideburns @darleenenchanted @thequeenpineapple @nacroy

Someone else on tumblr pointed out that PASSENGERS might have been a more meaningful movie if it was about just THE ONE person dealing with being alone on the ship for the rest of their life.  And if, to cope, they go through and make it a point to learn everything they can about all of the other people on the ship.

And I just keep thinking about this idea.

Keep reading


happy holidays, mysme fandom!

I’ve had guys tell me, ‘I’ll never feel for anyone the way i feel for you’

And I’m like, 'well, yeah, because it’s neurologically impossible to have identical emotionally associative response patterns for two separate people you’re receiving input from.’

Which I guess????

Isn’t the response they’re looking for??????


The first four!!

[Set 2] [Set 3] [Set 4]

  • somebody: wow! such a nice and warm weather, it feels like spring!
  • me: nice
  • me, muttering under my breath: shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's JANUARY it's not supposed to be this warm yet!!!!!!!!!!! global warming is HERE and our cold snowy beautiful winters are forever history!!!!!! yet we are doing NOTHING about the case!!!!!!!! and even if we did something trump is the president of united states now and he's going to FUCK everything UP because his climate decisions will affect EVERYBODY!!!ON!THIS!PLANET! this weather is not _NICE AND WARM___ WHAT THE FUCKKK it's the awaiting HELLFIRE THAT'S RADIATING HEAT UPON US SO SHUT UP