YOUR-LOSS-BABY

three weeks early (3)

this is probably the worst time for this bc of the video but why not

thanks @illuminateeshawn for the help

-

all you could remember before everything went black was that your little girl wasn’t crying, which wasn’t good at all, and the herd of doctors telling you not to fall asleep all while shawn was standing behind them, scared that he may lose his baby and his wife. and then it all faded to darkness. you couldn’t help it, you tried not to fall into unconsciousness, but it happened too fast.

you stirred, touching your head, wincing as you did and soon enough the memories of earlier came flooding back to you. your baby didn’t make it. after everything you did to have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby, she didn’t make it. you began to think that maybe, just maybe if you didn’t go and greet fans outside the venue, she wouldn’t have come early and you would have your little girl with you on time. if only you had listened to shawn, none of this could be happening. but the nurse did say it was her umbilical cord, so was it their fault for not catching it sooner? you didn’t even want to think about how shawn was feeling right now. did he blame himself? was he sitting outside in tears seeking the comfort of his parents? did he blame you for not listening to him?

looking around your room that was once full of joy as you and shawn waited to welcome your baby into the world, was now sad and grey. the sun that shone through the white blinds yesterday was now grey, gloomy and rainy. there was nobody in here with you, not even shawn, which alarmed you. your eyes started to water as you glanced down at your noticeably smaller belly, knowing that the little human in there was gone. she wasn’t in the crib where she should be, or the nursery, or even in shawn’s arms. she would never get to experience life, shawn wouldn’t get to spoil her rotten (even though he said he wouldn’t), and the thought alone brought you to uncontrollable tears. you couldn’t keep it in anymore, you let the tears flow freely and you didn’t even try to stop them. the fact that you were alone hurt too, you needed someone, you needed family, you needed shawn. weren’t couples supposed to grieve together at a time like this? where was he? you noticed he already removed all the baby things out of the room, her carseat, her clothes, even the little toys shawn’s family brought.

letting out an aggravated scream, you finally decide to get let it all out. “no,” was all you could say over and over and over until someone came in the room.

“mrs mendes,” a nurse burst through the door, “mrs mendes are you okay?” she rushed over to you, checking your vitals and head and iv all while you were sobbing uncontrollably. she asked you generic questions like ‘how are you feeling?’ and ‘how long have you been awake?’ all which you did not answer. you were beyond mad at the nurse, the same nurse who didn’t notice earlier that something was wrong with your child. it was her fault. her fault that your life had completely taken a turn for the worse.

“my baby is gone and all you can ask is how long i’ve been up?” you sobbed, “you didn’t catch it sooner! she could still be here if it wasn’t for you!” you clutched the pillow to your face and screamed again. no matter how many times you screamed, yelled, cursed, or threw things, it didn’t change the fact that she was gone, no matter how much you wished it did.
“mrs mendes what-” the nurse started, but you cut her off before you could finish.

“don’t say anything! there is nothing you could say to make this situation any better! can you bring her back? no.” you yelled as she removed the pillow from your strong grip. you balled your fists in attempt to keep the slightest bit calm, but failed when she tried to put her hand on your shoulder. you harshly pulled away, wincing at the pain from moving too fast. you had forgotten about the pain up until now, you had been too consumed in the loss of your baby to think about physical pain. the doctor rushes in next, trying to calm you down but it didn’t work. all you wanted right now was the comfort from your husband, the only one who knows how you’re feeling right now.

they tried to stop you as you slid out of the bed in search for shawn, they held you back but you pulled away, not caring if you were too weak right now.

“y/n just stay put, we’ll call shawn for you.” the doctor said, exiting the room with the nurse following behind him. as soon as they left, you were on your feet, but as fast as it took for you to stand, you were on the floor. you fell with a loud thud, you legs giving out on you the second your feet touched the floor. you cried as you were unable to get back up, you were too weak.

“y/n!” the voice of your husband called as he rushed into the room, swiftly picking you up bridal style as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“my baby’s gone shawn, she’s gone!” you cried, “she’s gone,” your voice was down to a whisper as he gently set you down on the bed, even shawn was unable to comfort you. “she’s gone.” you clung to him as he tried to talk, but your loud sobs cut him off every time.

“y/n, she’s-”

“i don’t want to hear it shawn,” you cried, finally letting go of shawn. you watched as he walked out of the room again, not saying a word. the tears didn’t stop, in fact they continued as he walked out of the room, leaving you alone yet again. he reappeared seconds later, this time with a small pink bundle in his arms. your eyes widened at the sight, you pressed both hands to your mouth, your tears of sadness quickly becoming tears of joy.

“y/n,” he whispered, gently taking the pink blanket off her and setting her on your chest. “meet ava aaliyah mendes. our daughter.” you sobbed of happiness, clutching the little girl further into your chest.

“hi babygirl,” you whispered, softly running your finger over her tiny features. “it’s so nice to meet the little girl who’s been kicking me for 9 months.” shawn smiled at the two of you, his two beautiful girls. “it wasn’t exactly nine, she’s early.” he said, sitting next to you on the bed and lightly kissing your cheek before turning his attention back to his girl. “she’s beautiful,” you say, kissing the tip of her little nose, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. she looked too peaceful to be woken.

“of course she’s beautiful, she’s almost a spitting image of you. except she has my eyes.” shawn said, smiling at the baby and then at you. “i can’t believe you thought she didn’t make it.” he chuckled.

“i passed out before she cried, i thought she didn’t make it. you weren’t even here when i woke up, it was a disaster.” you said, “and to make it worse the nurse was being annoying and all the stuff we brought isn’t in here anymore.”

ava squirmed in her sleep, letting out the smallest whimper. you cooed at the sight, unstrapping the top of your hospital gown and setting her on the newly exposed skin of your chest. “It’s okay baby,” you said before she started crying, quickly putting her back in her peaceful sleeping state.

“i brought all the stuff into the recovery room, where you were supposed to go but you passed out so they had to bring you back here. my parents and aaliyah are there still, they can’t get enough of her.” he whispered, his attention still on the baby. he rested his hand on her back, his large hand being about twice her size.

“how’d they like her name?” you yawned. you two decided to make her middle name aaliyah, considering you also chose her to be the godmother which she didn’t know yet.

“liyah cried,” shawn laughed. “she held her more than i did to be honest with you.”

“does she know?” you asked, hoping shawn didn’t ask her to be the godmother without you there.

“no, i thought you could be the one to ask her.” he said, taking the baby from you and placing her so her head was resting on his shoulder. “she’s so small,” he cooed. “she’s my entire world, both of you are.” you let your head rest on his other shoulder and you felt him press a quick kiss to the top of your head then doing the same to ava.

you smiled, enjoying this time alone with your now family of three. you couldn’t be happier.

169: Pregnant after a miscarriage.

Harry: You nervously chew your lip as you lay on the bed, awaiting the sonographer. Harry intwines his fingers in yours, his knee bouncing out of anxiousness. “Harry” you whisper softly. He gives you a small, supportive smile, in an attempt to comfort you. You don’t get the chance to say how you feel though as the sonographer enters the room and introduces herself, but Harry knows your concerns without you having to voice them, because his feelings are mirroring yours. You gasp as the cold gel is quickly applied to your tummy and the wand pushes down onto your abdomen. You turn your face away from the screen, squeezing your eyes tightly shut as memories come flooding back to haunt you. The grip on your hand tightens and Harry gently skims his thumb across your hand, offering you as much comfort as possible. After a few moments, you hear Harry breathe out a sigh of relief. “Babe, look” he smiles, tears pooling in his eyes. You turn to look at the screen, and sure enough, you see the tiny human growing inside of you. “It seems like you guys are around twelve weeks into the pregnancy. I see from your notes that any pregnancy after your last may be high risk, but judging by this ultrasound, everything seems fine. Baby seems of a healthy size” she tells you both with a smile. “Harry” you smile softly. “That’s our baby.” He lets out a breathy laugh and gently massages his fingers through your hair with his free hand. “I know darling, our beautiful, perfect baby” he whispers. “Thank you” he adds quietly, pressing his lips to your cheek.

Liam: “I’m scared, Liam” you whisper into his chest. Sobs begin to coarse through your body and you lower your head, running a hand over your face. He holds you tightly, so tightly, almost as if you’ll break if he lets you go. “I’m so scared. What if?” you begin to ask, but he quickly silences you with a shake of his head.  He pulls you closer to him, his lap acting as a seat for you as he gently rocks you in comfort. “Don’t think like that darling. Everything will be fine, yeah? We’ll go to the doctor, we’ll get a scan, ok? But we need to be positive. Worrying and stressing won’t be any good for you or the baby” he murmurs softly. You continue to grip the pregnancy test in your fist, almost as if it would protect the little life growing inside of you. “I need to do this properly, Liam. I can’t go through it all again” you murmur softly into his crisp shirt. He presses a kiss to your temple. “You did nothing wrong last time, you hear me? Nothing! It was one of those things, ok? Everything will be fine this time. We have our baby, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we get the best medical care for you both, yeah? It’s not going to happen again, darling.”

Louis: “You think you’re pregnant?” he asks in confusion as you hold the unopened box in your hand. “Why haven’t you done the test yet, babe?” he asks. You nervously chew your lip and shake your head. “I wanted to wait for you to come home first” you begin. “And, well I’m scared. We were so excited last time, Louis. And then” you trail off closing your eyes quickly to erase the memories. “I didn’t want to be alone when I found out. I need you” you whisper, your voice cracking. He nods in understanding and pulls your body into him. “Well let’s take it, shall we?” he asks, barely above a whisper. Taking your hand, he leads you upstairs to the bathroom. “Lou, what it if it’s negative?” you ask. Louis gives you a supportive smile. “Then we try again, and we keep trying. I don’t know about you but I have a lot of fun trying” he makes light of the situation, giving you a small smirk. You return the smile, before quickly changing the subject. “And if it’s positive?” He sighs softly. “Then we don’t stress, yeah? We deal with it together. We both want a baby so badly, and one miscarriage doesn’t mean a failure, darling. It was one of those things. It’s shit, but the doctors said there’s no medical reason why we can’t have children, ok? We’ll be ok” he reassures you. “Now let’s get this test done, yeah?”

Niall: “I still can’t believe it” you whisper to your husband as you stare at your ultrasound picture. Niall takes a sip of his coffee before giving you a small smile. “We never made it this far last time” you add, resting a hand protectively on your stomach. “Babe” Niall murmurs softly, reaching for your free hand and grasping it, his thumb skimming your hand gently in reassurance. “You don’t have to talking about it, if you don’t want to.” You sigh softly. There’s never a right time to talk about the loss of your baby, but he needed to know how you were feeling. “We didn’t though. I never made it far enough for a scan, I lost it before then” you add. “You didn’t lose it, darling. It wasn’t your fault, it was one of those things. But the doctor said this is different, yeah? We have to remember that. Everything is fine on the scan. The doctor even said our baby is perfect! We need to focus on that, ok? I need you and baby healthy! Which means no stressing, and lots of rest!” You giggle. “By saying lots of rest, you mean that you’ll be doing everything whilst I’m bed bound and unable to do anything!” you tell him disapprovingly. He smiles. “Of course, anything for my princess and our baby.”

Zayn: “I’m not sure I can do this, Zayn” you murmur softly as you sit in the waiting room and await your name to be called to see the sonographer. He gives your hand a comforting and reassuring squeeze, sighing softly. “I mean, we never made it this far last time. I’d already lost the baby by the first scan.” He’s almost a a loss for words, unable what to say to comfort you. Stroking your arm gently, he thinks about his choice of words before speaking. “Darling, that was the last pregnancy, ok? Miscarriage is very common for first pregnancies, but the doctor said you’re young and healthy and there is no reason why you can’t carry another baby. This” he begins, resting his free hand on your stomach, “this is our baby, our second chance, ok? We need to be strong and positive. We’re going to see our baby on a screen in a few moments, a human being that we made because of our love for each other, and that’s pretty damn special. But we need to be positive, yeah? We can do this.” You nod, tears pooling in your eyes. “What if it happens again?” you murmur, a lump formed in your throat. “It won’t, darling, ok? Everything’s going to be fine. And if it did, which I’m telling you it won’t, then we will be there for each other, and we’ll get through it. But positive thinking, ok?” You nod, giving him a small smile before the sonogpraher calls you in and you finally get to see your healthy baby on the screen.

lets-call-me-difficult  asked:

Hey, I was wondering.. I just lost a second of my rats. I had messaged you earlier about how your blog made me happy after losing my oldest(the one I lost was his brother and had been buddies with him since the beginning) and I was wondering if you had any really cute pictures of your two snuggling together you could share?

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your babies! I truly understand what you are going through and it is one of the toughest situations out there. 


On the other hand, yes of course, I have some cuddly pictures! Also, have some snuggly photos of my two boys who passed last year, Everett and Delmar.


everything is gone // logan paul

Pairing - Logan Paul x reader

Warnings - sadness and like one swear

Requested - by anon

Summary/Sentence - “I lost the baby” // from prompt list

Word Count - 553

Written by: Swizz - @unlimitedgazebo

not edited

Masterlist


The act of giving life was the single most terrifying concept to you. The mere thought of pushing a watermelon through your vagina disgusted you, but aborting that life was ten times worse. 

When you became pregnant to your long-time boyfriend Logan, your views didn’t waver, but Logan had loved the little one since the moment he found out you had conceived. He would whisper sweet nothings and plugs to them in typical Logan fashion. He didn’t even try to hide his personality during your first ultra-sound.

“Okay, Y/N, if you could just lie down right here and raise your shirt,” the female doctor had a sweet voice, calming your growing nerves, “the gel might be a little cold, but trust me it’s worth it.” That would be the first time you heard your babies heart beating, and to say you were excited was an understatement. It was truly the first time you had felt like the baby was a part of you. 

“Okay Logang, I’m here with Y/N at the doctors office, and we are about to see our child for the first time,” you heard your boyfriend talking to his camera, although it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, it didn’t bother you. “You know I had to share it with you guys”.

“Babe, the doctor is trying to concentrate, could you please tone it down for a second?” You didn’t mean to sound rude, but you were becoming increasingly frustrated and nervous as the doctor had yet to speak to you about the child.

“Excuse me sir, could you please turn the camera off? I need to speak to you both in private…” Logan’s usual ‘fuck-you’ behaviour to vlogger-hater’s hid as he placed his camera into his backpack, falling silent in the process.

“You have our full attention, isn’t that right Logan?” You couldn’t hide your emotions, you were on the verge of a mental breakdown, holding onto Logan for dear life.

“Thank you Y/N. Now what I have to say will probably come as a shock to you but I need you both to remain calm,” your heart stopped with those words, “I have not been able to locate your child’s heartbeat.” Everything went blurry as your hand was dropped from Logan’s grip.

“No, no shut up, look again.” Logan was panicking, you had no doubt about that.

“Logan, please take a seat, you both need to be with each other right now.”

“How did this happen, where did I go wrong?” 

“I don’t know Y/N, it is always hard to say when a mother loses a child suddenly, there are many different possible explanations, so many that it isn’t worth discussing the reasons. It happens sometimes and although we are terribly sorry, there isn’t anything we can do.”

Logan turned to you, a look of pure disgust masked his once saddened features, “It was probably from all the shit your were stuffing your face with, or maybe from not giving a single fuck about that child.” His words struck you harder than the loss of your baby. But what hurt worse than those words, was the look on his face as he walked out the door, without another thought.

You tried to call him back, but to no avail, he was gone and so was the baby, everything is gone.

Four Hours

A Spencer x Reader where the reader and spencer have been dating for a couple of years and the reader gets kidnapped.

Pairing:SpencerxReader

Warnings:Abuse Violence

You woke up to the sound of Spencer phone vibrating on the bedside table. You had always been a light sleeper which was fortunate for Spencer because he was not.

“Spencer.” You said rolling over. Easier said then done since Spencer’s arms were wrapped tightly around you. “Spencer.” You said forcefully this time elbowing him in the stomach.

“I’m up.” He yells shooting up out of bed and grabbing his phone. You can only hear his side of the conversation but you know what it is. “I’m sorry.” He said.

“You can’t leave you just got back last night.” You protested. You knew you sounded selfish but you didn’t care. Last time he had been gone for three weeks.

“I know I know I wish I could stay but they really need me.” He says “I swear when we get back I will take some vacation time and spend some time just the two of us.”

“No it’s ok you go, the people need you.” You say jokingly. “Just be safe promise you’ll come back to me, preferably in one piece.” He leans down to kiss you and goes and gets dressed.

“I love you baby don’t you forget that.” He kisses you goodby and walks out the door. When you look over at the alarm clock and see it’s only 6:30 you roll back over and go to sleep.

————————————————

“The unsub in targeting females that are shorter and have (Y/H/C) and (Y/E/C) in Virginia. They are usually by themselves in a secluded street or parking lot.” At first Spencer couldn’t figure out why all these girls looked familiar but then it hit you all at once. They looked just like (Y/N). He stood up and announced he was making a phone call no one questioned him knowing exactly why.

“Hey (Y/N) what are you doing right now.” He asked. “I was sleeping.” Was your groggy and not so pleasant reply. “Ok well when you wake up again later please don’t take your morning run today just to give me some peace of mind.”. You were drifting in and out of consciousness but managed to reply with a “Sure no problem.” Be falling back asleep.

Spencer laughed quietly when he heard your soft snoring through the phone “I love you” he said before hanging up.

————————————————

You woke up again at around 11:30 you vaguely remember talking to Spencer on the phone at around 7:30 but didn’t remember any of the conversation. You apparently fell asleep still on the phone because it was still in your hand. You got up and dressed and went for your morning jog. It was more of a lunchtime jog though since you never got up earlier then 11.

You were running on your usual path when something just didn’t feel right. You shook it off and kept running and someone grabbed you from behind. The last thing you remember was getting something put over your mouth and nose before blacking out.

————————————————

Spencer decided to call you again at around twelve to make sure you were ok but you weren’t picking up. Each voicemail he made was more and more panicky than the last.

“Garcia find the last place where (Y/N) phone last pinged.” He said. He was sitting on her office mostly so the rest of the team wouldn’t see him so freaked out and also because she was your best friend.

“Oh no.” Was all she said. “What” He demanded “What do you mean by oh no.” Spencer yelled his voice breaking. “ It seems that her phone last pinged in a fairly secluded neighborhood by your apartment.” She said sadly.

When the words came out of her mouth Spencer new exactly what they meant. “No.” Was all he said before the tears said before the tears came out one by one. He dried them up before going out to tell the team.

They were all siting around the table talking about the case when Spencer walked in. “(Y/N) has been taken by the unsub.” He said.

“We know buddy.” Morgan said standing up. “A video came in a couple minutes ago from the unsub.” He said pulling a video up on the screen.

You were sitting tied up in a chair in just your underwear with a gag in your mouth. You were awake but not showing any emotion. That was good since as Spencer always told you the unsub gets off when you show him emotions.

“I finally found her.” Said a voice from off screen. “It took a few tries for the idiots with me to find the right one but we did. You have four hours to find her Dr. Reid, or should I say Spencer, before punishment begins for her as well as you. You locked me away, you dragged my name through the mud and now I’m going to pay you back. Tick Tock.” He said before the video ended.

“(Y/N).” Spencer said quietly, his voice cracking. “Garcia.” JJ called out “Get me a list of any escaped criminals in the area.”

“There are three that match the profile. An Adam Laxly, a Sidney Gray, and a Jacob Smith. Do any of those names ring a bell Reid?” She said.

“Yes the first one Adam Laxly he was arrested a few years ago for the murder of four people. We need to find his base of operations fast.” Spencer ordered.

————————————————

It had almost been four hours by now and they couldn’t find anything there were a lot of abandoned buildings around and could not narrow it down just as they finally the place that you could be they got a incoming video.

“It’s been four hours” said that haunting voice over the video “You know what that means.” The man walked into view and over to (Y/N) he drew a knife and dug it into your arm. You let out a blood curdling scream that caused Spencer to let loose the tears he’d been so des pretty keeping in.

“We need to go now.” Spencer yelled. “Alright.” Hotch said your screams in the background “JJ Morgan and I will go get her. Rossi you stay back and keep an eye on Spencer and(Y/N)

“What about me ?” Spencer asked “She’s my girlfriend I have to go get her. I can’t just sit here and wait on you.”

“You are emotionally compromised and will stay here. The longer you argue the longer (Y/N) is in his hands. Let’s go.”

Spencer sat there not looking away from the screen. Every smack or cut brought out another sob from Spencer. Just as Adam grabbed you by the thighs and and spread your legs apart Spencer could hear Morgan’s voice yelling as the team ran down the stairs.

“Ahh just in time.” Adam said. “Drop the weapon” Morgan yelled holding a gun “Maybe I will” Adam said plunging the knife right into your stomach as a gun went off.

“NO!” Spencer yelled “NO! DAMNIT.” He screamed slamming his fist on the table. “(Y/N)” He yelled again picking up whatever was in his reach and throwing it. Rossi tried to restrain him telling Spencer that the ambulance was right there and you were going to be ok. “NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, SHE WAS PREGNANT DAMNIT.” He yelled falling of the ground sobbing.

————————————————

By the time Spencer and Rossi got to the hospital you were in surgery. The nurse said that you should be fine but we’re going to stay here for a little while.

Spencer was the first to see you. You were still asleep when he went in but he sat at your bedside the whole time holding your hand and crying.

It was four hours later when you finally came to. “Hey” you said your voice still raspy.

“Your awake.” He exclaimed. “Oh my god. I was so scared please don’t ever scare me like that again.” He sobbed.

“I’ll try. I’m so sorry Spencer. The baby..” You started breaking off crying. “I know.” He said “I thought that after two miscarriages this would be the one that stuck. I’m so sorry sweetheart.” You both sat there crying for the loss of your baby and the stress of the past day and also for the fact that (Y/N) was home and safe once again.