YOU SIMPLETON

FUCKING A...

This is how you know people haven’t been paying attention in their History classes. 

  • NAZIS DON’T GO AWAY. THERE IS NO REASONING WITH THEM. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING EVIDENCE. YOU HAVE TO DESTROY THEM ON SIGHT. 
  • You cannot debate with them because they’re not listening to you and they don’t care if they convert you; all they care about is ONE PERSON IN THE AUDIENCE HEARD THEM AND THOUGHT THEY MADE A LITTLE BIT OF SENSE. So while your kumbaya ass thinks you can win them over with love, they’re smirking because you gave them a free platform you simpleton.
  • You cannot show compassion. They only see it as weakness. 
  • They are, by nature, violent. People who think the world belongs to them and everyone else must die are not innocuous people with “alternative political views”. 

because of all of this you have to treat nazis like enemy combatants who plan to murder, rape, and burn it all to the ground. History tells us that’s exactly who they are.

Hamilton Characters as ‘My Immortal Quotes’

Alexander: “OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.”

Lafayette: “Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them.”

Mulligan: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!”

Laurens: “I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)”

Burr: "If thou doth not kill him, then I shall kill him anyways!”

Eliza: “He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

Angelica:  "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!“

Madison: “”.” he said.”

Jefferson: He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.”

Washington: “You dunderheads!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.”

Peggy: (AN: if u don’t know who she is gat da hell out of here!)

Phillip: “They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it”

Maria: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily.

King George lll: “I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.”

@mofftiss simple facts, i’m not pretty and i’m not your boy, you simpletons. send me your address so i can visit you and explain my passions

The Secret History: My Immortal edition

Richard : “Yah Satan told me abot you.” He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz.

Henry : If thou doth not kill him, then I shall kill him anyways!

Charles : He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic.

Camilla : OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.

Francis : Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?

Bunny : “Hey Hedwig.” I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

Julian : STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!

creek fic

craig: i hate everyone because im too fucking tall. *smokes ten cigarettes at the same time*

tweek: *nervously sips coffee from a thermos* craig don’t smoke!!! you’ll die!

craig: i can’t hear you on the account that i’m too fucking tall. i’m going to assume you just asked if you want to make out

*they make out*

token: stop it right now you horny simpletons!!!!!!

  • Morticia: Wednesday, don't call your brother a simpleton.
  • Wednesday: It's okay, mother, he likes it. You're a simpleton, aren't you, Pubert?
  • Pubert: Pubert simple-toon!
Marvel fans vs. Dceu fans

Marvel film fans: we just like our films better, they’re pretty cool and we’re addicted to them so yeah

Dceu film fans: how fucking dare you say that marvel films are better??!!!! Our comics were better! We stick to the comics better?!! Marvels just full of fake nerd wannabes, fuck them losers. Our films just are too good and complex for you simpletons to understand, our brains are much smarter. Critics are FUCKING HATERS AND LIERS!!! Rotten tomatoes are hacked. Stupid normies just can’t understand how complex and emotional the dceu films are.

Things to whisper when you orgasm:

  • “OMFG Draco! Draco!” 
  • “VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER”
  • “MCR666″
  • “Voldemort and the Death Dealers”
  • “B’loody Mary are u a PREP?”
  • “Allah Kedavra”
  • “imo noto okayo”
  • “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS”
  • “how far did u go wif Satan?”
  • laugh statistically
  • “Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111″

and my personal favorite:

  • “Voldemort gave me a gun”
Bad Lip Reading: High School Musical sentence starters
  • It’s funny how things happen.
  • I just ate a peanut.
  • Gross, you’re so smiley.
  • I thought I could feel a bug.
  • For all I know you could be a horrible evil psycho.
  • I’m cool. I’m like a cool bomb.
  • Oh no, dude, are you bored?
  • Check out one of these bowls that I found in the dollar fun section!
  • There you go, like a lot of people, just… being judgey.
  • I need cheesy sandwiches and a gummy fruit.
  • Now you owe me fifteen bucks for your doo-doo and shenanigans.
  • Why are worms on me?
  • Wait, are you a simpleton?
  • My friends think I’m just normal, but I’m really the pretzel king.
  • I like when they put glitter on these signs, I wanna do that.
  • I put fruit in a basket, and it was dope.
  • I think you have a spoiled roach in your shoe.
  • Do you hear that? Wow. That’s a baby sheep.
  • I’m your new friend now.
  • I talked to that new girl, and, um, I was really weird around her.
  • I’m pretty sure you got a problem walking. You need a scooter.
  • Basketball, basketball! We love basketball!
  • Wow, my feet are so raw!
  • Why must I just… dance?
  • This is my best dance, and I can do this, now.
  • Now don’t run away from me, okay?
  • Hey, did I tell you I’m a rodent?
  • Can I pinch your shrimps?
  • It looks like you ate a twenty-six-year-old man.
  • Looks like you’re looking for something.
  • I haven’t lost anything. Though, I’d like a bike pump.
  • Hand: I gave it to you so you could hold it.
  • Ooh, you’re quite a special bear.
  • Can you play piano? Like the bear at the mall?
  • That dog took my leaf.
  • I’m sure there were always rabbits inside of me.
  • I think your feet stank so much, like corn.
  • I’ve never had someone gross me out like you do.
  • Don’t go get a big fork and fix the ceiling fan, ‘cause that could ruin the fork.
  • Well, missed class now.
  • Work on your rhythm.
  • And that’s how I ended up in the talent show.
  • And then it hit me like a ton of pounds.
  • I know you’re a robot, and the secret’s safe with me.
  • I’d never been very good with electronics, but this I could handle.
  • This could cause nightmares in the night.
  • Let’s go bang on furniture!
  • Y’all, burping is my passion.
  • Oh, no, nuh-uh, that’s a no-no!
  • That’s nasty, like tuna on a stick!
  • I’m just trying to be human now.
  • Could you ever forget that you’re totally a mischievous android and you have to run on batteries?
  • You never drank that milk.
  • Hey, you guys should clap.
  • Take this. You’ll want it. It’s pretty cool.
  • Okay, today I wanna show you this really old laptop.
  • You look like a human, but that is not what you are.
  • Guys, can I have some water?
  • Why don’t you just tell us about the girl? Is she an alien?
  • She wanted my cat, and I think she stole him.
  • We’d have to find a dungeon first. Do they even still have them now?
  • Do all robots cry this much?
  • I heard what you just said to all your little boyfriends.
  • I saw a beaver jogging over the top of that dune.
  • I wrote that for you. It’s about us.
  • If we leave now, we can still make the talent show.
  • I am about to drink from the popular cup.
  • Don’t start it without me!
  • I can’t do it. Not when all these people are scared of me.
  • Remember the night we first met?
  • Move those feet, girl, come on.
  • I want a monkey friend.
  • Can you feel the breeze today?
  • I don’t have any pockets.
  • I already know what’s gonna happen that weekend.
  • We bought a new ficus, and the old one is just sitting in the house, and it gets in the way.
  • I forgot to add on the “Wheeeee!”
  • We were definitely the worst act that night, and we came in last place.
  • Every now and then I feel like scratching.
  • All I really need are apples and lasagna.
  • I have a vacant stare ‘cause I’m a robot.
  • I bet your toes are strong!
  • Don’t stare into the sun or else your eyes will burn and drip some goo.
  • Come on, let’s have some fun!
  • In my village we have Daryl, Daryl the pony.
  • Why’d you insist on kissing that clown?
  • I’m running weird!
Oblivious - Naegami Drabble
  • Byakuya: “I will, likely, regret saying this, but… I like you, Makoto.”
  • Makoto: “Oh! Well, I like you too, Byakuya!”
  • Byakuya: “You do?”
  • Makoto: “Yeah."
  • Makoto: *smiles*
  • Makoto: "I thought you hated me! It's good to know that we’re friends.”
  • Byakuya: “Oh my god you cannot be this oblivious.”
  • Byakuya: *facepalms*
  • Byakuya: “To put it in a way you’ll understand, I am coming onto you, Makoto.”
  • Makoto: “You’re what?”
  • Byakuya: “Do I have to spell everything out for you, you simpleton!”
  • Byakuya: *kisses Makoto* *straightens his suit*
  • Byakuya: “You're lucky that I’m interested in you, despite your stupidity.”
  • Makoto: *still comprehending*
  • Makoto: “Did you just kiss me?”
  • Byakuya: *sighs and puts his face in his hands*
  • Byakuya: “Makoto, I'm just going to say something. I am gay. I am super high school level gay. And, I am attracted to you, sexually, because of this fact.”
  • Makoto: *blinks*
  • Makoto: “Oh.”
  • Byakuya: “Yes, 'oh.'"
  • Byakuya: “Do you accept, or not?”
  • Makoto: “Accept?”
  • Byakuya: “Makoto Naegi, will you go out with me, you incompetent fool!”
  • Makoto: “Um… yes.”
  • Byakuya: “Finally.”
  • Byakuya: “That was incredibly stressful, and you're an idiot, and I'm going to kiss you, again.”
Horoscope #12:

My Immortal quote:

Aries: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was………..Dumbledore!

Taurus: “OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go.

Gemini:  “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

Cancer: I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

Leo: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

Virgo: “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?”  

Libra: “Kill him or I shall kill him anyway!”

Scorpio: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”  

Sagittarius: “VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

Capricorn: We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep.

Aquarius: “You look fucking kawaii, bitch.”

Pisces: “That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.