YOU SIMPLETON

The Doctors as "My Immortal" Quotes

William Hartnell: “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall"

Patrick Troughton: “Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a Gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Jon Pertwee: “And den……………..I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11”

Tom Baker: “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way.”

Peter Davison: “he put his arm around me all protective.”

Colin Baker: “I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

Sylvester McCoy: “What was DAT al about?”
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked.

Paul McGann: (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

Christopher Eccelston: “You dunderheads!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely"

David Tennant: “I’m good at too many things? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”

Matt Smith: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS”

Peter Capaldi: “I was even upset went to rehearsal with my Gothic metal band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the leader singer of it and I play guitar”

I’m so sorry.

Hamilton Characters as ‘My Immortal Quotes’

Alexander: “OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.”

Lafayette: “Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them.”

Mulligan: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!”

Laurens: “I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)”

Burr: "If thou doth not kill him, then I shall kill him anyways!”

Eliza: “He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

Angelica:  "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!“

Madison: “”.” he said.”

Jefferson: He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.”

Washington: “You dunderheads!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.”

Peggy: (AN: if u don’t know who she is gat da hell out of here!)

Phillip: “They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it”

Maria: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily.

King George lll: “I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.”

8

ok. a couple things with this.

1. Jason you just??? kicked your brother into the air?????? ok.

2. performing a stunt of this calibre is known as “pulling a Grayson”

3. “Dick could have probably done it in less time”

4. do not insult Timothy’s vegas wings you simpleton, they’re beautiful 

5.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Sentence Meme
  • “Cursed pirates sail these waters. You don’t want to bring them down on us now, do you?”
  • “Bad luck to be singing about pirates with us mired in this unnatural fog.”
  • “It’s bad luck to have a woman on board.”
  • “I think it’d be rather exciting to meet a pirate.”
  • “I intend to see to it that any man who wails under a pirate flag or wears a pirate brand gets what he deserves—a short drop and a sudden stop.”
  • “You’re a pirate.”
  • “A fine gentleman, don’t you think? He fancies you, you know.”
  • “The blade is folded steel. That’s gold filigree laid into the handle.”
  • “I had a dream about you last night.”
  • “Apparently there’s some sort of high toned and fancy to do up at the fort, eh?”
  • “You’ve seen a ship with black sails that’s crewed by the damned and captured by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?”
  • “I confess, it is my invention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasely black heart out.”
  • “Pride of the king’s navy, you are.”
  • “Do you really intend to kill my rescuer?”
  • “You are without a doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.”
  • “Pirate or not, this man saved my life.”
  • “One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.”
  • “I saved your life, you save mine, we’re square.”
  • “You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”
  • “I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.”
  • “Do you think this wise boy—crossing blades with a pirate?”
  • “I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it.”
  • “He is a fine man, he’s what any woman should dream of marrying.”
  • “No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder.”
  • “Parley. I invoke the right of parley.”
  • “My sympathies, friend, you’ve no manner of luck at all.”
  • “The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.”
  • “You know nothing of Hell.”
  • “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Mean’s no.”
  • “You are not a military man, you are not a sailor.”
  • “You want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?”
  • “If you’re intending to brave all, hasten to her and so win fair lady’s heart, you’ll have to do it alone.”
  • “This is either madness or brilliance.”
  • “That is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen.”
  • “I’m not a simpleton. You knew my father.”
  • “My father was not a pirate.”
  • “That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it?”
  • “The only rules that really matter are these—what a man can do and what a man can’t do.”
  • “He’s not a man to suffer fools, nor strike a bargain with one.”
  • “Take what you can, give nothing back.”
  • “Any mortal that removes but a single piece from that stone chest shall be punished for eternity.”
  • “I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore.”
  • “All the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust.”
  • “We are cursed men.”
  • “Compelled by greed, we were, but now we are consumed by it.”
  • “We are not among the living and so we cannot die, but neither are we dead.”
  • “I feel nothing- not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea, nor the warmth of a woman’s touch.”
  • “You best start believing in ghost stories. You’re in one.”
  • “Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?”
  • “It’s frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard.”
  • “Puts a chill in the bones how many honest sailors have been claimed by this passage.”
  • “When a man is marooned he is give a pistol with a single shot.”
  • “Pirates code. Any man that falls behind is left behind.”
  • “No heroes amongst thieves, eh?”
  • “For having such a bleak outlook on pirates, you’re well on your way to becoming one.”
  • “Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”
  • “Our salvation is nigh! Our torment is near at end.”
  • “Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?”
  • “Who among us has paid the blood sacrificed to the heathen gods?”
  • “Begun by blood, by blood undone.”
  • “What sort of a man trades a man’s life for a ship?”
  • “People are easy to search when they’re dead.”
  • “Stop blowing holes in me ship.”
  • “If any of you as much as thinks the word parley, I’ll have your guts for garters.”
  • “His blood runs in my veins.”
  • “That’s the second time I’ve had to watch that man sail away with my ship.”
  • “Welcome to the Caribbean, love.”
  • “You’ll be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish main.”
  • “What a ship is, is freedom.”
  • “I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.”
  • “Why is the rum gone?”
  • “It is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels.”
  • “There’ll be no living with her after this.”
  • “I beg you, please do this. For me. As a wedding gift.”
  • “A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!”
  • “You get to die for her, just like you promised.”
  • “You’ve been planning this from the beginning. Ever since you learned my name.”
  • “Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision.”
  • “Me? I’m dishonest and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.”
  • “Will it be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?”
  • “Hang the code and hang the rules! They’re more like guidelines anyway.”
  • “I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain.”
  • “Do you like pain? Try wearing a corset.”
  • “I feel…cold.”
  • “If you were waiting for the opportune moment…that was it.”
  • “They done what’s right by them. Can’t expect more than that.”
  • “For those crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day hung by the neck until dead.”
  • “I should have told you every day from the moment I met you. I love you.”
  • “So this is where your heart truly lies, then?”
  • “I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate.”
  • “Perhaps on the rare occasion pursuing the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself can be the right course?”
  • “This is a beautiful sword. I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life.”
  • “I think we can afford to give him one day’s head start.”
  • “So this is the path you’ve chosen, is it?”
  • “Now, bring me the horizon.”

Stiles had had enough!

Seriously, he was done with selfish werewolves who didn’t care about fragile human hearts and liked to play games like who can scare the human the most. It was was unnecessary and just plain rude! He’d told them all time and time again to quit it and they refused, so now he was going to plan B.

Deaton was surprisingly helpful for once, smiling his enigmatic smile–or was that a touch of mischievousness he saw?–and handing over a book of spells, pointing out a few that were used to hiding one’s scent or heartbeat. It was brilliant, foolproof. Stiles couldn’t wait.

Erica, Isaac, and Boyd were his first victims. The puppies were especially vocal on their enjoyment of teasing the pack human and scaring him was a fan favorite. So he grinned to himself, sneaking closer while wearing the charm around his neck that he’d fashioned to hide any sounds he made and his scent.

“Hey, guys!” He greeted once he was close enough, causing them all to jerk away from each other. Erica was on the offense, claws popped and eyes flashing, Boyd was on defense, bowed up like an angry cat prepared to strike, and Isaac had actually stumbled and fell in surprise. Stiles grinned unrepentantly. Excellent.

It was never-ending now. No one ever did figure out how he was doing it, but now he was serving a nice helping of karma to the wolves who’d terrorized him for months. To be honest, he did feel a little bad after startling Derek so bad that he dropped his plate of food and went full wolf (it had taken him over an hour to convince the wolf to climb out from under the table and shift back; he was still getting the angry brows for that one), so he’d laid off the Alpha after then, but the puppies were fair game. He’d asked them for months to stop scaring him and they’d actively tried to catch him doing something that he’d mess up after being scared, so he had no mercy.

Frustratingly though, the only one who he hasn’t manage to scare yet was Peter.

He crept closer to where Peter was reclining on the couch on the loft, reading a paperback.

“Stiles.”

“Dammit!”

Stiles stomped over to the man, huffing angrily. “How are you doing that?” He demanded.

Peter smirked up at him, eyes alight with humor, as he closed the book and stood. “A master never reveals his secrets,” he teased.

“It’s magician, you simpleton.”

Peter laughed. “You tell me what spell you’re using to hide from everyone and I’ll tell you how I know when you’re creeping.”

Stiles scowled. “One day,” he threatened menacingly before leaving the loft.

Stiles tried again on training day when they’d all been in the woods, doubling back after telling everyone goodbye and creeping around after donning his necklace charm. Peter was still practicing with Boyd. Perfect. He crept closer, trying to keep from snickering.

“Stiles.”

Stiles yelped, tripping over a tree root and stumbling into the clearing. Boyd blinked, surprised, but not the scare factor he was looking for.

“Fuck you,” Stiles grumbled, sitting up and brushing the leaves and dirt off of him.

Peter grinned victoriously. Stiles glared. Boyd looked like he’d finally figured something out and seconds away from laughing.

Stiles’ next attempt was on pack night. Peter was talking with Scott about something and he just knew this time was going to work. He snuck closer, oh so slowly.

“Stiles,” Peter stated.

“God-fucking-dammit! How are you doing that?!” Stiles demanded, coming into the kitchen.

Scott snorted, trying to hide his laughter, and Stiles whirled onto him. “Why are you laughing?”

“I can’t believe that worked,” Scott muffled out, looking over at Peter. “You are truly dedicated to being evil.”

“What? What did he do? Do you know how he does it? Tell me!” Stiles yelled.

“Dude, Peter just says your name randomly when you’re not here. You always react if you’re around so you reveal yourself.”

Peter pouted. “I thought the agreement was no one would tell him that.”

Scott shrugged. “Pinky promise in second grade says I can’t hide things from him.”

Peter rolled his eyes while Stiles stared at him in disbelief.

“Are you serious? You’ve never known I was there? You just sit around and say my name randomly to see if I pop up?”

“You’re kind of like Beetlejuice or Bloody Mary. I never have to say it more than three times,” Peter added.

Stiles laughed delightedly. “Oh my god, you dork. You absolute goofball. Everyone must think you’re crazy.”

“Derek had already explained his craziness,” Scott said, shrugging. “Not that we didn’t already know he was crazy.”

“Excuse you, I’m still present,” Peter drawled.

“Drama King,” Stiles teased. “Man, this is great. You’re so extra, dude. You just can’t accept that someone might’ve got the jump on you.”

“I think that’s enough sharing for now.” Peter turned to leave the room.

“No! Wait! I’m not done making fun of you yet!” Stiles hurried after him.

“Goodbye, Stiles,” Peter waved him off.

“No way, dramawolf! This is gold!”

“Not listening!”

“Oh my god, are you five? Come back here! I’m not done mocking you yet! Peter!” 

Silmarillion Characters as Quotes from My Immortal
  • Turin: He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic.
  • Feanor: A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
  • Sauron: Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.
  • Luthien: why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here
  • Thingol: STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!
  • Maglor: “I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly.
  • Maedhros: “This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand
  • Finrod: And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11
  • Eonwe: Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?
  • Melkor: “Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress.” Satan reasoned evilly.
  • Finwe: You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.
  • Finarfin: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!
How the final chapter of The Royal Romance will play out:

We catch up to the present day, which was shown in the very first chapter of the book. Liam dances with the MC and the suitors, Drake painfully watches at the sidelines, and the night is filled with random chats as the announcement draws near.

Soon, Liam is onstage, getting ready to announce who his queen will be. The suitors are nervous. The press is hungry for a scoop. The spectators hold their breaths. The drum roll starts and. . . it’s MC! Le gasp. Who could’ve ever saw that coming?

MC can’t believe it nah she totally can, she’s beaten all the odds and has risen above the rest. Olivia is furious, Penelope is chatting about her poodles, Kiara is saying something in French; Hana is torn, Drake is heartbroken, Maxwell is wooting; Bertrand stops short in his woe be me monologue, Tariq does something Tariq-y, Madeleine probably says something fake af. All is well.

But there’s still a traitor in our midst.

Pop goes the traitor. He or she has got something to show everyone. A set of photos that involve a very specific suitor spending the night with the prince’s best friend. My, my what a scandal. Liam refuses to believe this. After all, Photoshop exists, peasants.

However, the little snitch isn’t quite done yet. They call Tariq to the stand. Oh, what a lie they both spin. Olivia is smiling, Penelope cries about her poor poodle, Kiara curses in Slavic or Irish or something; Hana gasps in shock, Drake wants to beat this liar up, Maxwell becomes a sad puppy; Bertrand is appalled and starts monologuing, Tariq is still doing something Tariq-y, Madeleine doesn’t react because of her resting fake face.

Cue the ‘is this true’ scene. MC denies everything because it’s obviously not true, you simpletons. They pull that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words and look at how many you’ve got’ line, and MC is stuck because the whole room is suddenly against her. Oh my cronuts. She opens her mouth to speak—

To be continued. . .

Dragon Ball  Z Abridged Sentence Meme

disclaimer: All quotes belong to TeamFourStar, and you should go check them out on youtube!

  • “Did you try working the shaft?”
  • “Did you tell him to work the shaft?”
  • “Blah blah blah, then you slayed the jabberwocky and went to save Narnia.”
  • “I said I was wearing my armor.”
  • “Are you a yoshi?”
  • “Yes, __ , I’m a green fucking dinosuar.”
  • I’ll stop there on my way home and pick up some space eggs, space milk and BLOW IT THE FUCK UP!”
  • “It’d be a real dick move to die right now…”
  • “Yeah, so what if I did? What’re you going to do about it, huh?! Come at me bro!”
  • “That means he doesn’t have a penis!”
  • “Oh trust me, I know what it’s like to take a hard one to the face.”
  • “I like my penis where it is, thank you.”
  • “I am a woman!”
  • “Immortality is my bitch.”
  • “Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.”
  • “Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal bitch.”
  • “Wanna go drive cars?”
  • “Bitching.”
  • “Oh god no, my marujuana patch!”
  • “We’re gonna get panties! …I mean immortality.”
  • “Ah ha, so nudity makes you stronger on this planet!”
  • “I’m not a goddamn Yoshi!”
  • “NERD!”
  • “It’s nothing. I’m just…having an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity.”
  • “Take that, you insufferable, fucking simpleton!”
  • “Face down with another man beating your ass–is it Wednesday already?”
  • “They keep kicking me in the dick…why…why do they keep kicking me in the dick?”
  • “And this is ___ . He was a prison bitch.”
  • “I once had a crush on a little Indian boy that I thought was a girl.”
  • “That is ten pounds of nope in a five pound bag.”
  • “Well, sir, if you’re having trouble with our customer support, you can call 1-800-Eat-A-Dick.”
  • “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m usually far more composed. I’m just a little bit absolutely livid.”
  • “That’s stupid. You’re stupid! STOP BEING STUPID!”
  • “Come on guys! We could use whales. Whales!”
  • “This is easily the second worst hole I’ve ever had in my chest.”
  • “I’m about to misuse my hand upside your head.”
  • “First, immortality. Then, the bitches.”
  • “What the fuck’s a condom?”
  • “It’d be really nice to wake up in the morning, press a button, and have muffins.”
  • “Aww! Look, it’s ___ ! You wanna biscuit, boy? You wanna biscuit?”
  • “Of course not! I’m fucking evil!”
  • “They make a special shampoo for that, I hear.”
  • “I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass cheek.”
  • “He’s kind of a tool…for my amusement!”
  • “I don’t what this [name] thing is, but it sounds disappointing.”
  • “Every party needs a pooper that’s why they invited you.”
  • “This is why we need TV!”
  • “All these squares make a circle…all these squares make a circle…”
  • “He/she just dropped a milk jug of LSD. I don’t even know where he got it.”
  • “Listen up, maggots.”
But the truth is, it’s not the idea, it’s never the idea, it’s always what you do with it.
—  Neil Gaiman
tlc characters as my immortal quotes

Scarlet: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS”

Ze’ev: “THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!”

Kai: we started frenching passively

Winter: I was so mad and sad

Iko: I spray-painted my hair with purple

Jacin: he started to cry wisely

Thorne: I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE AND STARTED TO smoke pot

Cinder: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS”

Cress: I SMELLED HAPPili

Kinney: “fuck off you fjucking bastard”

anonymous asked:

86 Black Hat? I feel like this could be funny tbh.

You caught Black Hat in the scandalous act.

Thinking introspectively, you probably wouldn’t have seen this embarrassing display if you just knocked. Not knocking before you enter is a terrible habit, but you never bothered to fix that. Who knew it’d bite you back in the ass up until this moment?

“Why are you walking around naked?” You immediately ask, jaw hanging open. Okay, well, maybe saying ‘naked’ is a dramatic term. 

This is, after all, the first time you’ve witnessed Black Hat without his - well, hat. And you’d be damned if it wasn’t the weirdest fucking thing you’ve ever seen. You can’t even describe it properly. It was just that bizarre. Seeing the boss without his hat, he may as well be naked!

You try to take a closer look at the hatless-Black Hat. He hisses like a cat, and swells into a screeching and slithering mass of leeches. Multiple angry red eyes glare at you. Gaping and drooling mouths are talking all at once. Jeez, does the boss have to be such a drama - 

SHLOOP! A tentacle slaps you across the face, like a wet fish. You yelp, tumbling backwards. Shit, that’s gonna leave a bruise. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU pEVerTEd SIMPLETON!” A thousand voices scream in unison, nearly making your eardrums bleed. Not wanting to be told twice, (because if you hear him scream again, you really might go deaf), you nope the hell out. 

Note to self: Knock next time.


in other words, black hat is the equivalent of a tsundere. he might as well said in this fic: “d-don’t look up my hat, you BAKA!” fic was inspired by this post from one of my fav villainous blogs @blackhatcannons

Did I Say That Out Loud?

For @seefin ​ - I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

This was my entry to Dralentine’s Day run by the very fabulous and totally awesome @ourloveislegendrarry ​ and @julietsemophase ​ . Thank you both for all your had work and dedication!

We had two prompts to stick to, which were to mention:

- A photo-booth or strip of photos

- Parseltongue (not necessarily spoken by Harry)

I had quite a lot of fun with this and changed my idea twice but eventually chose a Muggle!au. I got the idea from a Tumblr post about how the OP’s grandparents met. I tweaked it a bit and it kinda ran away from me! Anyway, it’s silly, fluffy and fun so I hope you like it!

You can read it here or on FF.Net or on A03.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

You can't be a man you simpleton. Even if you somehow get enough money to have the proper parts you will never truly be a man and you won't be able to use your parts. It will be a useless fake appendage that would only be for show and even then you can't even show it off because that is illegal. What you want is impossible and stupid. Just take what you got and be happy with the cards you were dealt dipshit!

Seriously though, what got up your ass? Rudest thing I’ve seen yet this week.