YOU GUYS I AM REALLY DUMB

“Just drink this down,” I said to Aaron, reaching into the backseat with the coconut water I’d spiked.  "It’s coconut water, it’s more hydrating than Gatorade.“

"Good, I hate Gatorade,” Aaron said, yawning.

“Really?” I said, “I’m surprised.  Most guys love it.  But then again most guys are also hairy, sweaty, muscle-obsessed horndogs who wear tank tops and are obsessed with their cocks.”

“I am not like that, Jon, and you know it,” Aaron said.  "I didn’t even want to work out today, you know I think it’s dumb.“  It was true, it had been hard to even get him to wear a tank top.

"I think that’s about to change, dumbass,” I said, turning around with a mischievous smile on my face.  Did you finish that bottle of water yet?

“Yeah,” Aaron said, scratching absently at his chest.  "Yeah?“ he said again, sounding confused.  "Aww, I’ve gotta flex” he suddenly said, and as he did I could hear the cracking of muscle as he started to swell up.  Aaron’s eyes were wild, but he couldn’t stop flexing as his biceps started to swell with serious muscle and he started to take on a more masculine expression.  Hair was starting to spout up in his pits as he held a flex.  He was staring straight at me in a flushed panic, and soon it was sprouting in the center of his chest as well, rapidly spreading outwards and across his torso.  "What’s happening,“ he managed to get out as he let his inflating arms collapse to his sides for a moment, but a few seconds later he already felt the compulsion to flex again.  His biceps mounded up even harder, his shoulders broadened, and I could see hair starting to sprout up towards his collarbone.  He had started getting stubble on his face just before his chest started to loose its smoothness, but by now he was already sporting almost a full beard.  "FUCK!” he yelled out in a voice that had dropped by a full octave, going unwillingly into another hard flex.  "What the fuck man!“ he said, panting, as the changes slowed down to a stop.  I could tell from the bulge in his pants that he wasn’t as entirely upset as he sounded.

"Flex for me, fucker.  Maybe you’ll get to let that bone out if you do.”

“What the… yeah, I’ll flex for you, you dick.  I don’t know what was in that shit, and you should have asked me.  Though holy shit, look at my chest, man.  Holy fuck, I feel cocky or something.  I gotta get this dick sucked man, I feel so horny for no reason.”

“It’s in the water, you fuck,” I said, leaning back and grabbing his hairy chin with one hand and learning in so we could wrestle our tongues in the backseat.

In case you needed a hug today, here’s one from Dipper and Mabel :)

Stay strong guys! And never forget about love and how it always wins over hate.

He finds her out on the balcony. Jackie popped out for groceries to make for dinner, mumbling something about a shepherd’s pie long owed. They’re all quiet, subdued, in the wake of their return to the right universe. Jackie seems shell-shocked and on the edge of breaking and he thinks he’ll confine himself to the TARDIS tonight lest he overhear her crack. That seems too private a thing for the relationship they have.

 Rose retreated after she cried herself out and he let her, tinkering to keep himself busy, but when he emerged Jackie was leaving and she was nowhere to be seen. He made tea and went to look. The flat is small and it only took a moment to see her silhouetted by harsh street lamps

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Not a Costume Party

Originally posted by jurassicparkfilms

Prompt by @mouserzwuzhere: Owen and reader go to a Halloween party as Fred and Wilma Flintstone… because dinosaurs.

A/N: AGH sorry school got super crazy before Halloween, so please enjoy my very late Halloween story.  I know I haven’t written in a while, so I’ll try to fix that.  I really enjoyed this one, because it was nice to write a character as truly awkward as I am.  Anyway, hope y’all like it!

-

“I look so dumb,” you whisper.

“You look fine,” Claire replies.

“Claire, don’t lie to me,” you say.  “I look so dumb.”

“It’s not your fault that I didn’t get the memo,” she says.  

“Didn’t get the memo?” you fume.  “You’re the one who told me to dress up.  You even picked out my costume!”  You gesture to the short, white dress you’re wearing, an oddly sexy version of a Wilma Flintstone costume.  

You had thought the idea was cute, but now that you were here at the Jurassic World crew party and you were the only one dressed up, you felt anything but cute.

“(Y/N), relax,” Claire says.  “You look adorable.  The dress looks good on you.  You know who’ll like it?”

“What?”

“Owen.”  You roll your eyes, trying to appear nonchalant.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You like him, right?”

“Is this payback?”

“For what?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”

“(Y/N), trust me,” Claire says.  “It’ll all be-”

“Claire, I thought you said this was a costume party!”

You look up at the sound of Owen Grady’s voice.  It takes a couple seconds for you to process that not only is he shirtless, but his shorts are orange with black spots.  

And then it hits you.  He’s Fred Flintstone.

And all the pieces click together in your brain.

You turn to Claire, who’s doing her best to hide a growing smirk.  She looks down at her phone and puts it up to her ear.

“Sorry, I have to take this call,” she says.  You glare at her as she walks quickly away.  Liar.  You could almost swear you see a skip in her step as she exits the room.

“Claire told you to dress up too?” Owen says.  You take a deep breath and turn to face Owen, doing your best to keep your eyes focused on his face, instead of…other things.

“Yep,” you say calmly.  “I’m guessing she also picked out your costume?”

“Yeah,” Owen says, a little sheepishly.  As people pass, they stare at Owen and you’re suddenly very grateful that Claire opted for something slightly more conservative for you.  “I see we’re matching.”

“Yes,” you say.  “I think Claire had some ulterior motives tonight.”

“Oh?” Owen asks, raising an eyebrow.  “Like what?”  Your eyes widen as you realize that you’ve said more then you meant to.  

“Um…” you say, grasping for words.  “Well…she picked a super revealing costume for you.  She probably just wanted to…check out your…rocking bod.”  You cringe at the words coming out of your mouth, hoping that a hole opens up in the ground and swallows you up.

“You think I have a…rocking bod?” Owen smirks, his tone amused.

“I think Claire thinks you have a rocking bod,” you backpedal.  “Also, can we stop saying the phrase rocking bod?”

“You started it.  Plus, I think you’re wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“About Claire’s ulterior motives.  I think she’s trying to set us up.”

“For a crime?” you ask stupidly and Owen laughs.

“I think you know what I mean, (Y/N),” Owen says.  

“Maybe you’ll have to spell it out for me,” you reply.

“Claire thinks we’d be good together,” Owen says.

“Claire also thought that she could create genetic dinosaur hybrids and everything would be okay,” you quip and Owen laughs.  

“Well, do you agree with Claire?” he asks.

“No, I think genetic dinosaur hybrids are disastrous,” you reply.  “Too much probability involved with the genetics-”

“(Y/N).”

“What about you?” you challenge.  “Since you’re the one that brought it up.”

“I think we’d be great together,” he says matter-of-factly.

“I…what?”  Owen smiles and raises an eyebrow.  “Oh…um…yeah.  Okay.”

“Okay?” Owen teases.  “That sounds so enthusiastic.”

“I don’t…” you trail off.  “It’s just that….you’re so…I don’t-”

“Can I just kiss you know?” Owen asks.  “Unless you want to keep rambling.”

“No, please, go ahead,” you say, leaning forward.  “I didn’t know what to say anyway.”

BUt guys just do not think of Sam dropping hints all week about how: Oh yeah Dean you should totally take Cas to see a movie on Sunday, he’d like that. And don’t think about how Dean would scoff and roll his eyes but secretly check the movie times until Saturday morning after breakfast he manages to awkwardly ask Cas if he’d maybe like to possibly go see a movie tomorrow but it’s dumb you really don’t have to like only if you want really.

And Cas is super touched, and super excited, and he smiles real big and says of course, I’d be delighted to, Dean. And they both spend the day lowkey avoiding each other because ohmygod we’re going on a date tomorrow I need to prepare, so they spend Saturday and most of Sunday freaking out about what to wear and how to act until it’s finally time to leave and they’re not wearing anything different but suddenly that boring white t-shirt is gorgeous and holy shit has Cas always smelled this good?

And the movie is great, and they spend a lot of time just leaning against each other and kind of casually touching in the popcorn bag, and they have this moment where they might almost kiss in the Impala before driving home but the moment’s lost so they just head for the Bunker.

Except that when they get in, neither really want the night to end, so they putter around in the kitchen with coffee and watch a little bit of dumb TV and do some covert cuddling before time works against them and forces them to their respective beds. And Dean almost invites Cas to his, but the angel seems totally cool with sleeping in his own, and it’s scary and nerve-wracking to ask so he just leaves it.

But then he realizes he’s kind of walking Cas to his room. Which is, admittedly, right beside Dean’s but. Yeah. 

And Cas says I had a really nice time tonight. 

And Dean replies yeah me too.

And then they just kind of nod awkwardly to each other before going to sleep.

Which is bullshit, because really, Dean didn’t even say goodnight, or wish Cas a happy valentine’s day, and he maybe kind of really wanted to kiss him, so he opens the door–

…Only to find Castiel looking back at him, blue eyes wide and nervous and hand poised to knock.

So Dean says hi.

And Cas says hi and then I forgot something.

Oh.

Yes.

And then Cas kisses him. 

I love Seth Gecko because before you watch the show u think he’s like this really cool guy™ - all bad boy swagger and coolness. But he is just.. a dumb ass. He is grumpy all the time and if he had a lawn he’d yell at the kids to get off it. His only cool lines he copied from movie characters because he is a huge ass nerd fanboy. but when he’s off the script he is just so damn stoopid (“from eyeballs to my balls balls”, or can’t even form sentences properly).

He walks and dresses all badass to intimidate but then does a super elaborate secret handshake with his brother before committing crimes - which imo kind of ruins the tough criminal look™ he was going for. Probably why he got beaten up in prison as well. Dumb ass probably tried to form a club house with secret handshakes and shit.

He is high-key stressed all of the time. If someone could read Seth’s mind it would just be high-pitched screaming 24/7. His entire existence is just Seth consistently fucking up and panicking about it - then trying to fix it while panicking and fucking up even worse. The few times he does manage to chill and crack a (lame) joke he is the only one laughing. 

Also, he is a goddamn toddler, has not yet fully understood concepts such as ownership (“it’s mine! i stole it!”). Always whining to the Mom friend™, Kate - who can’t believe this guy who kidnapped her family is now basically her surrogate bratty teenage son.

Anyway… in summary: Seth Gecko = not cool. very lame.

someone just dmed me on ig with this picture of my profile and stuff
and i noticed it said big in yuri on ice and i never really ever thank any of you guys for reblogging my dumb textposts and following me so just wow jusjrh
im really emotional because this has sort of been my dream for a while, to be popular in a fandom for posting original textposts and stuff and it happened and i just want to hug every single one of you because i am so stunned and happy and i love all of you so so much and you’re the reason im smiling at my phone. you’re the reason im happy. thank you so so much, have a lovely rest of the year!

i just went to the gym and worked out for the first time in a reeeeeeally really really long time (like. i’m talking years since i properly exercised) and i am FEELING it let me tell you but i also forgot how happy exercise makes your brain feel, wow :’) i know it’s dumb but I just had to tell you guys bc joining a gym and then actually going has been something i’ve been super anxious and insecure about for a long time and I’m kind of proud of myself for finally fuckin doing it, i can’t wait to be hot af with my one-pack abs lmao

hey i am a shitwad

i might not be answering asks or doing much here for a week or so because i feel like i am being kind of a let down by not doing what im supposed to on here, and i have a new fucking “style” everytime i try to answer stuff. so, if i dont make anything, i dont even know. i feel like itd be dumb to say soul searching but thats the only thing that comes to mind. im sorry guys i feel like a let down and i have a lot of shit stirring in the cesspool that is my brain so again im really sorry. see you when i get my act together,,

-(your least favorite jackass of all) Cat

Now, guys. I am not really too good at English to do this kind of stuff, but I really want to. I fucking want my guts out to do this. And it is almost finished btw. So wish me luck and wait for some short church AU. So, thank you guys for the answer. A shout out for @maxkennedy24 for this gorgeous pic: ‘THANK YOU(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for dis incredible piece of hartwin and aesthetics!💜💜💜💜💜 Sorry if it appears dumb or boring anyway(I mean the story)

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EXCUSE YOU, THEY ARE SO MARRIED UGH.

Look at them! I can picture them having a lover’s spat over something really dumb, like they’ve both forgotten what the thing even was to begin with, but there’s shit going down in Central City so they have to go out and work together and just put aside their spat. EXCEPT THEY DON’T. They’re just bickering the ENTIRE TIME - the rest of Team Flash and Team Arrow just rolling their eyes and groaning every time they start sniping at one another, like “guys this is so stupid, you love each other, can you not just stop??”

And obviously after a days work of vigilanteing they go home filled with adrenaline, and have hot steamy angry sex, after which they lie in the happy haze of their post-orgasmic state and laugh at themselves for being idiots. Cue kissing and cuddling and apologies from both sides. Oh, and spooning - Barry falling asleep in Oliver’s arms. All is right with the world again.

  • So I'm re-reading Lord of the Rings for the first time since the movies came out and
  • Movie!Aragorn: I am the last prince of a forgotten king. Destiny weighs heavy upon my brow. Come, hobbits, into doom and darkness from which there is no return.
  • Book!Aragorn: Hey guys how's it going oh you're letting me in your room that's adorable I could kill you with my pinky finger I mean seriously look at my bitching sword jk it's broken as fuck but really I could kill you it wouldn't even be hard you're tiny and dumb let's go to weathertop where no-one can hear you scream I mean where you'll be save from ringwraiths I'm totally trustworthy hahaha oh god I'm so alone

@conmystro told me to do a dumb thing and im all about this dumb shit B)

6 movies i can watch when the fuck ever:

1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (dude i saw it 7 times in theaters alone)

2. Speed Racer (fuck you guys that movie is a blessing)

3. Wreck-It-Ralph (talk about feel good)

4. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (i am a man of constant sorrow)

5. Kiki’s Delivery Service (obligatory Miyazaki)

6. Pokemon Heroes (this ones really fucking good)

people who should do this, uhh…. @coolestkidintown , @thenimbus , @friendlyfuckingtaco , @m4ge , @lugialv100

the hardest thing for me to understand and get thru my thick ass skull is that guys are all talk they just wanna butter you up so you put out or get what they want. Like fuck im so dumb, I always end up fuckin sad cuz I seriously believe what guys tell me and I believe they only tell me these things but I ain’t special shit I ain’t the only one hearing this … I just believe guys’ intentions toward me are pure and aren’t deceitful but most of them turn out that way. Like if i really am fucking with you like I’m feeling you and shit type of vibe best believe imma be down for you and only you, but majority of guys aren’t like that. & I can’t seem to grasp the reality that men ain’t shit.

I am the world’s dumbest drunk. I’m watching a Claudio Sanchez interview and I got really excited because “THAT GUY HAS A COHEED DRAGONFLY TATTOO!!!” Yes. Of course he does you dumb ass. I hate my stupid brain sometimes. 

8

I want to make a heartfelt apology for whatever it is I end up accidentally saying during the forthcoming #JurassicWorld press tour. I hope you understand it was never my intention to offend anyone and I am truly sorry. I swear. I’m the nicest guy in the world. And I fully regret what I (accidentally will have) said in (the upcoming foreign and domestic) interview(s). I am not in the business of making excuses. I am just dumb. Plain and simple. I try. I REALLY try!

Marauders Nicknames

So the Marauders came up with their nicknames when they became animagi? Like how did that conversation even go?

James: Now that we are Animagi, we need cool nicknames related to our animal

Sirius: I vote Remus to be called fluffy

Remus: Absolutely not

James: My nickname shall be prongs because my antlers remind me of forks

Sirius: Can I just be called black dog and be done with it?

Remus: I’ll be Moony, it’s a low key werewolf reference aha i am hilarious

Peter: At least you guys have something to work with. I’ll probably be called something dumb related to my tail that looks like a freaking worm

James: THATS PERFECT WE WILL CALL YOU WORMTAIL

Peter: wtf James did you not just hear me

Sirius: I will be Padfoot because dogs have padded feet haha i’m a genius

James: Now we have cool animagi names

Remus: Was this really necessary tho

anonymous asked:

soo ive got these two unattractive dumb ass guys willing to send me $2k each because they think i wanna suck their shrivelled up needle sized dicks when really all i wanna do is get the $$$ and fuck them off so i can go get my hair n shit done .... am I doing this right? 😂

Wow, 2 guys going to give you 2k, thinking you’re going to have sex with them when you’re actually not? Please do keep me posted on how this turns out.  

The signs as things I hear at work
  • Aries: "I'm gonna train my mouth to open wider!" *open mouth as wide as it can*
  • Taurus: "no homo... But you have a really nice ass Nolan"
  • Gemini: "why does Christian still work here?" "Because he's dumb and easy to mess with"
  • Cancer: "RON HOW IS FISH 'TOO CRISPY' hOW DO YOU MAKE FISH THATS TOO CRISPY WHAT THE FUCK!?"
  • Leo: "I'm the biggest narcissist!" "Oh hell no, I am because I am way better!"
  • Virgo: "When I first met you I thought you were college kid in your emo phase." *other guy walks in* "I wouldn't even give him enough credit to be a college kid"
  • Libra: "AJ you can be the Meme Ambassador"
  • Scorpio: "Rene is the only cool person here I hate the rest of you."
  • Sagittarius: "So if your name is Craig is your real name Craiggory?"
  • Capricorn: *gets out wine glass* pour me some bleach please.
  • Aquarius: "I wish there was a goat running around in here."
  • Pisces: "Did you just say foreskin?" "No! I said forest gay."