there is something to be said about the moments that we wish we could do over — from the small embarrassments to the wounds that we allow ourselves to marinate in for decades
i used to fasten myself tightly onto the idea that if i had just not met that one person, or made that one mistake, my pawn in the game of life would win this time

i will tell you what would’ve happened if i really had not met that one person, or made that one mistake

i would’ve missed years of getting myself entangled with new lives, creating a messy web of different frequencies and heartbeats entertwined somehow with one another
i would’ve missed years of planting roots and trees, chewing bubblegum, buying a souvenier i love from a museum i hate, trying variations of mango smoothies, writing letters with permanent pens to temporary people
i would’ve missed years of consuming knowledge i would gain from losing an ex-lover, littering their things in the fireplace, and eventually allowing my heart to swell up again for someone else
and i would’ve missed years of committing sin, committing time, learning to someday commit myself

there is something to be said about dumb assignments that ask you to write letters to your past self, as if you could do over something, as if you should.
you are meant to marinate in these mistakes for decades, to learn from them, to soak up the ounces of hate and love and soon-to-be-forgotten memories

so here is my message to my past self: i hope you fuck up; i hope you unforgettably, grotesquely, royally fuck up.

—  i’d do it all again
“Friends” (Luke Hemmings)

requested: yes

warnings: smut and some swearing

word count: 4.820

Summary: You and Luke have been friends since forever.But people constantly mistaking your for a couple drew you apart.But what happens when one day you and Luke stuble upon eachother?Well,things get quite messy and complicated.

*I am literally the worst ar summaries lol*

inspired by this post

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If you let love grow like wildflowers.

Be wary of those who will pick them apart.

Love is kind but some people are not.
And they don’t realize, 
Dandelions could care less about wishes that don’t belong to you.

—  A scribbler // This Love is Ours

My father does not like it when my sister leaves the house wearing only a tank top
He knows the men outside do not care how hot it is
They will still call you “baby”,  
Make you want to crawl out of your skin and not come back for days

Daddy, you raised three daughters
Not three pairs of breasts
But my sister will still have to change her clothes,
And hide her chest
Because it’s best not to encourage anyone

Best not to remind them of your womanhood,
That your fifteen year old thighs
Once made older men forget their wives,
Forget you were more than just a body.

I am more than just a body,
Though it’s taken twenty years to discover
I am more than my ability to make your mouth tremble
And your eyes flutter back into your brain
Though I can
And I will not apologize for being good at it

I will not apologize for being woman
For not keeping the silence
For not shrinking enough in your gaze,
I have tried too hard to allow myself to take up space
And I’ll be damned if it makes you uncomfortable

I’ll be damned if I let you define me
Let you paint me into a picture of weakness
I am woman
I am pillar of strength
“Baby”

I am the way your mother left when she found gold in her teeth
I am the way you still hate her for it
I am the way you hate any woman that reminds you of the way she moves
Like she belongs to no one but herself
Not even you
Not even close


The last time a man shouted “baby” at me from his car
I told him to fuck off
“You fucking bitch,” he shouted back
To which I replied,
“I rather be a bitch,
Than your baby.”

Tear my fucking heart out and set it on fire. I don’t want it anymore. Wearing your heart on your sleeve isn’t as romantic as it’s played out to be. It’s fucking suicide. I have never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. When you asked if I was okay with hot tears down my face I knew you saw my heart beating. When people say actions speak louder than words I don’t think they’re lying. I sat there in silence while I wanted so badly for my heartstrings to break.
You know you’re alone when you can hear your heartbeat in your brain. I used to pray to make my life better but as I got older I realized I was just talking to no one. I didn’t want empathy, I just wanted answers. Why can everyone see my heart but I can’t see theirs? It’s fucking exhausting. My heart is exhausting. It beats for people who couldn’t care less if I was dead. I hope it continues to beat hard enough to crush my skull.
— 

no one ever told me about vulnerability 

7/2/15

I remember in fifth grade the teacher had someone bring in lungs to show us what would happen to us if we smoked.
What they forgot to mention was that breathing in too much of the same air as someone who had once loved you will have the same effect.
And suddenly you understood why your parents would always warn you about drugs and alcohol.
Because being addicted to him left your eyes shadowed over and your skin began to sink over your bones like craters.
And when he left you it felt like you were hung over for years.
The remembrance of him still effected every vein in your body,
reminding you that you can’t function without him.
No matter how bad you wanted to.
—  The effects of addictions.
well of course we’re not alright
i mean look at us!
we’re haggard day and night
but we’re not trying to make a fuss
everywhere I go I see your face
and everybody’s running to the end
while I’m stuck in the same damn place
trying to fix what I could never mend
I think i need to lay down,
I need to stop running,
cause baby you’ve got me down
and I don’t know why you’re laughing cause it isn’t funny.
—  we’re the heartbreak kids and we are not okay

Drown
jikook
1,476 words
mentions of abuse, character death

Inspired by this post and written for jamkook because she’s jikook trash and I love her


Humans always say mermaids have the sweetest of voices, that they are owners of the most enticing of music but Jimin begs to differ. The most beautiful voice is on land and he knows this because hiding among the numerous voices of his fellow kinsmen there is one that catches his attention, that filters into his ears and enchants him to the point that he follows the sound, swims all the way to the shores that the elders always say they should avoid.

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July Publication Announcement

We are proud to announce the publication lineup for Setting the Captives Free, the first themed edition of The Rising Phoenix Review. The writing in this issue focuses on personal and social liberation. Additionally, many of the poems in this issue document the struggle for freedom. Our editors are extremely honored to publish the work of these talented poets.

We will post our the issue from July 4th-July 31st. Check our site for a new poem every day at 5pm Eastern Standard time.

The following poets will be featured this month:

Alex Dang
Jamie McGhee
Lindsey Hobart
Michelle Gordon

Darcy Vines
Elizabeth Hewer
Leah Mueller
Mica K

A. Davida Jane
Alaska Gold
Alessia Di Cesare
Chelsea Fujimoto

Emma Bosacki
Martina Dansereau

Congratulations from our staff and welcome to the nest!

TIWALA

Mahirap ng magtiwala sa panahon ngayon. Parang lahat nalang kasi biro at hindi safe. Mahirap kapag hirap magtiwala sa isang tao lalo na pag nabigo ka na nya minsan kahit pa sabihin na nag-iba na sya mahirap pa din pagkatiwalaan. Isa sa mga pinakaimportante ang tiwala. Maswerte ka kapag pinagkakatiwalaan ka ng isang tao. Hindi yan mabibili at mas lalong hindi yan nahihingi. Wag mong sayangin ang tiwala ng isang tao sayo.

transparent skin

fingers red
fingers white, soon to be blue

i am the light
and the moths gather on my body
i am a wreck
and the sharks sleep in my belly

rusty tongue and leather hands
marvel at the purple
inside the softest shade of darkness

float on, loved one
we are the sea
and we dance with the moon

“Fuck It, I Love You”

You absolute ocean of a girl,

there’s just no stopping you. 

Somewhere out in the world a beekeeper tends to his

flock and doesn’t fear the sting, there is a promise of honey.

Teeth in my eyes, this makes no sense,

orange in your mouth with no bite,

all juice and this makes no sense.

I love you even though we are so different,

you mean everything to me even though there

are days I picture upturning the hives and sending

the insects out into the night.

Oh, you hurricane of a girl,

sometimes you cry and I remind myself that you are 

not a temporary storm.

You are eternal.

anonymous asked:

continuation of that fic where they're apartment neighbors where marlene passes her exams and smokes marijuana with Sirius to commemorate and then... smut?

PART 1 

This was the day. It was the day Marlene was getting her grades back. She’d worked hard all semester, told off her neighbor, multiple times,  in the name of passing her classes, and finally, this was the day she’d discover what all of her hard work was worth.  She sat in her apartment, waiting eagerly for the mail to be delivered at three o’clock. Normally Marlene wouldn’t care what the postman brought, but today he was delivering her final marks. Trying to make the time pass and to occupy her anxious mind, she had cleaned every surface in the tiny apartment, organized her entire book case, remade her already perfectly made bed and checked the mailbox at least three times in the past hour. Eventually, she figured it would be better to spend some time outside of her flat to pass the time.

Marlene tied her messy and probably unbrushed hair up in a messy bun and threw on a pair of sneakers before grabbing her keys and wallet as she headed out the door to the grocery store. The tiny grocery store on the next block didn’t have much, but it had the necessities and thankfully it was cheap. Paying for med school was definitely challenging so cheap was always good. She walked around the small store picking up the few things she needed, milk, bread, wine, ice cream, and chocolate. And within fifteen minutes she was walking back to her apartment complex.

As she neared her building, she saw the postman entering the building. She broke off in a run towards the building, desperate for her final results that he was carrying, ignoring the stares she was getting from pedestrians. Slightly out of breath by the time she got in the building she immediately went over to the postman asking, “Marlene McKinnon?” She looked at the postman eagerly, “Is there anything for Marlene McKinnon?”

The postman was caught off guard and seemed a little frightened by her, but he flipped through the mail looking for the name and nodded, giving her a small stack of letters “Here you are, ma’am.” he said, before putting the rest of the mail in the postal boxes and leaving,

She could barely contain herself as anxiety and excitement filled her stomach and coursed through her body. Not even bothering to head back up to her apartment, she shuffled through the letters before finding the one she needed. Not noticing Sirius walking towards her to grab his own mail, she set the groceries and the rest of her mail down before ripping open the letter from her University. “Oh my God,” She breathed, reading her results. “Oh my God,” She smiled, reading and rereading her passing marks. She had done it. She made it through her first semester of Med-School with flying colors. Her smile spread across her face as she looked up from the papers and the envelope finding Sirius watching her with a smirk.

“Whatcha got there, Cupcake?”  He asked, nodding towards the papers in her hands. “Judging by the look on your face, it’s got to be something good, right?” He asked walking towards her. “What is it? Someone died and you just got left a fortune?” He teased

“You know, I’m in such a good mood right now that I won’t yell at you for calling me Cupcake, or the fact that you think I’d be smiling about a death in my family” She said, holding up her papers and grinning. “They’re my final grades for the semester. A+’s down the line.” She gloated and let him take the papers from her hand, his eyes scanning the paper, the smirk never leaving his face.

“Very nice, Cupcake. Looks like all that studying paid off.” He winked at her as he handed the paper back. She rolled her eyes slightly but didn’t let the smile slip from her face.

“No thanks to you, and once again, don’t call me Cupcake.” She said, sticking the letter with all her other mail and picked up her groceries once more.

“Well, I think this calls for a celebration, huh? Whatta ya think?” He asked taking the groceries before she could pick them up.

“With you? Not in a million years.” She said shaking her head with a slight laugh.

“Too late, I’ve already got your bags. And oh look, you brought the alcohol.” He said peering into the bag, seeing the wine. “I prefer hard liquor though. Good thing I’ve got a couple of bottles of whiskey in my apartment.” He smirked starting towards the stairs. Marlene laughed in disbelief and quickly followed him.

“I barely know you, Sirius Black. Why the hell would I go party with you.” She protested.

“Because, Cupcake, I know how to party.” he winked as pushed opened his unlocked apartment, walking in with her groceries. She hesitated a moment in the doorway before following him inside.

From the inside, his apartment looked completely different from what she imagined it would look like. It was clean, for one. He had an old record player in the the corner of the room with a bookcase full of records against one wall, next to his television. His black sofa was against the opposite wall underneath the two windows. He had a small coffee table in front of the couch with a stack of papers and a couple of other miscellaneous objects. On the walls there were pictures hung up, most of which had Sirius and what Marlene assumed was his friends. Against the third wall, there was a desk with a couple of other knick knacks. “What’d you expect? Trash all over the floors and blunts all over the table?” Sirius joked when he saw her face.

“Yeah, pretty much.” She said truthfully with a shrug standing in the doorway of the small kitchen as he set her bag down on the counter.

“Now, wine, whiskey, shots of tequila or a couple of beers? ?” He smirked, looking back over to her. His kitchen was just as clean as his living room. A few dishes in the sink but nothing over the top. One counter lined with bottles of liquor and a small dining table pressed against the wall. Marlene rolled her eyes a little at his question and watched him look through the numerous bottles on the counter. When she didn’t answer him, he just poured them both a shot of tequila and held out a shot glass to her. “Here you are, love.” he said, waiting for her to take the shot glass before tipping his back, swallowing it in one sip. She watched him for half a second before tipping her shot glass back as well. She deserved a drink. She worked hard all semester. Now she had a couple weeks off without having to worry about school and she could finally allow herself to relax and have a bit of fun. Even if that meant drinking with Sirius and four shots and a beer later, Marlene was happily buzzed as she sat on the couch with Sirius.

“You know, I thought you were a real bitch when we first met. All the banging and yelling. I thought you’d be no fun.” Sirius admitted taking a long sip of his beer. Marlene laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Well, you’re still a real bitch most of the time.” She said looking over at him. “But hey, I am fun.” She pouted meeting his gaze.

He laughed at her and shrugged. “Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. I can’t tell.” He teased.

“Oh, you’re ridiculous.” She said, sipping at her beer.

“Oh, you’re ridiculous.” Sirius laughed, mocking her. He reached over into the side table drawer, pulling out a blunt and a lighter. “Do you mind?” He asked the joint hanging in between his lips.

“Yes, of course I mind! I’m a med student! Do you know how bad smoking is?“ She protested putting her beer down as she started to get up.

“Good thing it’s not a cigarette then.” He said, lighting it despite what she said.

“Well, that’s bad for you too!” She complained, folding her arms over her chest. “And it smells.”

“It’s just weed, Cupcake. Not gonna kill me. And the smell isn’t that bad once you get used to it.” He said. “Have a hit.” He continued after a moment, holding it out for her. She shook her head almost immediately. “See, no fun.” He teased but withdraw his hand.

She frowned at his comment and grabbed their two shot glasses, refilling them. “Fine, but I need to be a lot more drunk.” She said sliding him over the glass. Sirius smirked and clinked their glasses together before downing his drink. Finally Marlene took the blunt from him, looking at it curiously before trying to mimic what Sirius was doing, only to end up in a coughing fit. “Oh, this is terrible!” She complained in between coughs.

Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed at her.  “Well you’re doing it wrong.” He said shaking his head, waiting for her to finish coughing before pulling her closer to him showing her how to properly do it. "Besides, the more you cough, the higher you get,” He told her and grinned once she got the hang of it keeping one arm around her waist as they passed it back and forth to each other.

Even though the two, who were now completely drunk and mildly high,  had finished the blunt a while ago, but Sirius kept his arm around Marlene’s waist and Marlene stayed leant against his chest.

“You know what, I take back what I said.” Sirius mumbled, his fingers trailing along her side.

“About what?” She asked curiously, looking up at him.

“About you not being fun. You definitely are more fun than I thought.” He shrugged and smiled down at her. She blushed a little and shrugged as well causing him to laugh. “You should get drunk with me more often. Then you’ll really be fun.” He added.

“I would, if I were going to grow up to be a drunk like you.” She said, giggling softly as she poked his chest.

“‘M not a drunk, Cupcake.” He pouted.

“Maybe you aren’t.” She shrugged. “But I barely know you…hey, hey, why do you keep calling me Cupcake?” She added, pouting.

“Because of those stupid pajama bottoms you wore. And because you’re cute. Like a cupcake.” He said, whispering the last part, causing Marlene to blush again.

“That’s a lie.” She whispered back as he met her gaze.

“I don’t lie.” He shrugged, biting his lower lip softly as his eyes flickered down to her lips before back up at her eyes.

Marlene watched him and in a drunken haze leant up, pressing her lips against hers. Sirius responded almost immediately and kissed her back, his hand tightening on her waist. She giggled a little against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Within moments she was pinned to the couch with him hovering over her, tugging softly at her lower lip. She let out a soft moan, her eyes fluttering shut, her chest arching against his hands as they trailed up her shirt and behind her to unhook her bra. She tensed a little as he did and feeling her tense he stopped. “What’s wrong?” He whispered against her lips, his hand resting over the bra clasp.

She shook her head, “Nothing, nothing’s wrong.” She shrugged, blushing lightly.

“You’re not a…you know…you’ve done this before right?” He asked, pulling away slightly as her blush deepened.

“Yes, of course I’ve done this before!” She mumbled, Sirius sighing a little in relief and leant back down to kiss her.

“Good.” He mumbled breaking from her lips as he peppered kisses down her neck, sucking and nibbling at certain points, leaving a few marks. He waited a few moments before tugging both their shirts and her bra off, tossing them aside. He smirked as he ran his eyes shamelessly down her chest. “You, Cupcake, are absolutely beautiful.” He whispered leaning down to kiss over the curve of her breasts. Marlene moaned softly in response, running her fingers through his hair and for the rest of the night, Marlene was forever grateful that it was her empty apartment next door and not a stranger that would have to deal with Sirius’ headboard being slammed against the wall, or listening to their moans fill the air.

I miss when we used to talk at 3am on the phone and it was just me laying in bed in pure darkness while I listened to your voice. I remember when I started to fall for you after I kept hearing that laugh of yours and imagining that beautiful smile. now I’m constantly thinking about our friendship and wishing you would call me again. I don’t know if I’m overthinking but I want to be with you more than anything else in the world.
—  June 16
7/2/15

It’s my whole heart that sits on the leather car seat beside me when the bruja feeling comes back to me. The sky is the color of prickly pear flavored sorbet, the sun spills it’s tangerines over my bare legs and expects me to answer.

There’s something in me like a wild thing caged. A new start, pressing up against the bone and waiting to go somewhere. I don’t know what it is that I want, but I want something. Need it, like water in the desert. 

I go quietly into myself like a flower in reverse bloom, wanting to stretch a bit further this time.