The hours chew away at me. Time swallows, and somehow, I feel smaller. When the numbers begin to mean less, life moves slower and I can at least begin to savor its sweetness. I forget how waiting feels, and the hopelessness that comes with it, and I wonder what it’s like to remember my dreams again, what its like to feel weighed down but weightless, as if I am shackled to a cloud without much choice, only along for the ride. I remember that I have control of the reins though I still let the wind make many of my choices, forgetting they are my own to decide. I need reminding that I am myself, and that nothing about the universe within me or without is as finite as it seems.

anonymous asked:

I'm depressed.. And I feel like people don't care. But I know I have people that care? I like this boy.. And he doesn't understand. And I'm really bad at talking and telling my feelings. I usually keep everything inside. But I barely understand myself. So how am I supposed to explain why I feel the way I feel to him? Idk what to do.

Are you denying your depression? Are you not truly and fully acknowledging it?‘You have it, but do you wish you didn’t? The answer may be obvious. Yes, I have it and yes, I want it to go away. But wanting it to go away is a form of denying it. And if you are denying it you’ll see others denying it, this is how it works. As within, so without. This is what that means, what you have inside, although it may be hidden from you, is what you see outside of you. You can’t change the outer, so you change the inner and then the outer changes by itself.

Allow yourself to be as you are. If it is too much, by all means seek the help you need. Medication, counseling and therapy are all welcome. Use them if you need to, but allow yourself and don’t deny yourself your reality. You are depressed. Allow that to be there and feel it fully. Live, love, laugh, do what you find joy in as much as you can. Be with this guy and see that even if you don’t express yourself well, he can know what you means and how you feel. Try to see that in silence and in action there is communication. Just be with him and don’t worry about explaining how you feel. If he asks, speak from your heart; don’t explain. No one will understand you, but you. No one. Feel your heart and feel what is in you, this is how you get to know yourself. You and others can learn facts and figures about yourself, your height, your weight etc. But to truly know yourself, be with yourself and put your attention in yourself as often as you can. Do this and sense or feel that underneath all of this, is just you, just stillness, just alive stillness.

I hope this helps.


Posting as part of my weekly “Small Goals” challenge this week. The goal is to post a body pic everyday along with 3 compliments a day. You know because self love is key 💕🙊. Here are my day thirty seven ones:

1 - I’m cute as hell and I’m glad I finally see it within myself without needing someone else to tell me it.

2 - I’m soft, squishy and I love it. I spent years hating my body and I’ve finally come to terms that this is my body. Yes it’s not in its final form but right now I’m going to love it!

3 - I feel mentally strong and it’s refreshing. I don’t know how long it’ll persist but for now I’m going to enjoy feeling good in my head.

So there we have it! I’ll post 3 more tomorrow

I don't like weed

I don’t like weed cuz it makes us question our existence.

And we don’t need to be questioning our existence

We need to live within

Not live without

Every word means every Word

But we recognize words are nothing

When we smoke weed

We recognize things are not things

And anything can be everything if we give it that meaning

When we smoke weed

We either question our existence and our being

Or we sleep

But I’d rather be woke

To do drug

Is to see

Though I’m tired.

So today, I’m gonna sleep.

New York Times

The Rough Corporate World Gets Even Rougher:  
OUI Tactician Hits OUI Analyist

Something’s certainly been rising within and without the walls of Olympus United, Inc.  And unfortunately for Dominick Winchester, it’s not stock prices like he’s used to…or that other thing he’s used to rising.  Oh no, it’s tempers.  Tempers are rising right off the charts as these wannabe gods on their makeshift Mount Olympus bicker and fight like their namesake might suggest they would. 

But OUI Tactician Jackson Knox going so far as to physically hit fellow employee, an analyst by the name of Sibyl Granger, is a bit of an over step.  Here I thought we were living in the 21st Century where men didn’t hit women willy nilly anymore, but they did always say Mr. Knox was a bit of a hot head, never could keep his temper in track.  Not sure why he’s been placed as head of tactical operations when it’s clear he doesn’t have any tact at all.  

And I can’t believe I’m saying it, but it’s a shame he’s not more like the CEO—I’ve heard from a few sources he at least treats his women with care…however many women that may be, I’m sure the man himself doesn’t even know.  But I digress.  

Apparently the whole exchange, taking place just outside a local mall, was caught on tape by various on-lookers armed with their smart phones.  Looks like he’s going to need one hell of a lawyer to battle all the evidence against him should Ms. Granger decide to press charges on the scumbag.  But it’s okay, I hear Mr. Winchester is pretty close with one of the best lawyers New York City has to offer.  Though I do hope she stays true to her passion for justice and makes sure the little prick doesn’t get off easy.

What resides there, in that

Shaky, hollow being we call hell?

You’ve pricked your finger despite the

Obvious coldness of the thimble.

You are without, and within, and

You, you dissembler, you cat-hearted

Wretch,  will reach and reach,

And never know me.

I feel like hell, but I don’t look it.

I’ve walked on painted egg-shells

For so long that I’ve forgotten the

Taste of solid ground. My mouth weeps.

My mouth breaks; I break.

There is a stiffness in my jaw

From leftover sleep. A bruise

Beneath the cheekbone no-one sees.

And I am awake, awake, awake:

The road to hell is paved

With Easter eggs.


“Women age differently than men do. In a man, the left ventricle, the one that pumps red blood into the body, gets larger, thicker as he gets older. In a woman, it shrinks. I am now more than a century old. My heart must be just a few karats at this point. There is room there for very little, so what still fits inside means more to me than ever. It means everything. The last 100 years of my immortal life have been a lie. The illusion of control. In truth, I have controlled nothing. I have surrounded myself with fools and flatterers, put my trust in those who could not be trusted. Enemies without. Enemies within. It is time to construct something new. Something durable. With fortifications of iron, stone and steel. I will not be ruled. I will not be managed. My largess betrays me. Those to whom I have given much repay me only with resentment and ingratitude. Security can be found only by looking into oneself. Others only make a mess of things. A woman can only be pushed so far, and I’m right on the edge. I’m weary. Weary of the world failing me. Weary of the steady drip, drip of disappointment. I won’t be disappointed again.”

 American Horror Story: Hotel (2015 - 2016)

Within, Without

By reinkist (maybesomehomestuckart)

Rating: M

Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Terezi Pyrope & Dave Strider, Jade Harley/Dave Strider (past), Jade Harley/Karkat Vantas (past)

Tags: Meteorstuck, Depression, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Bisexuality, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Dudes Being Bros, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Teens Fucking Up, Realistic Depictions of Mental Illness, Retcon Timeline, lots of pesterlogs, Internalized Homophobia, lowkey suicidal ideation, Quadrant Confusion, Alcohol Abuse

Summary: Dave just wants to be left alone. What’s the point of anything when what’s broken can never be completely fixed? This is the story of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, and the longest three years of their lives.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Integral